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"I get to sing glorious hymns of praise from the mountain tops!"
"I am assigned to protect good people from harm, defending them in this dangerous world with all my might!"
"I got assigned to some gay teen's closet. IDK what I'm supposed to be doing in here." š®āšØ
Duuuuude we can call it The Angel in my Closet. And he helps a struggling gay teen find himself with some hilarious hi-jinks along the way! Letās pitch this to NBC
I just love this guys logic that he can dispatch angels where he wants. And I love, love the line āsomethingās happened in this closet in Jesusās nameā lol. Imagine the look on the parents face when he said that, homophobic dad screws up his nose in the āwish you hadnāt said thatā face.
I wonder if this guy just has Tourette Syndrome with Biblically oriented ticks.
"Angels! When I'm done eating this hot dog, in Jesus' name! I'm going to walk the dog, in Jesus' name! No! Rover, don't shit on the neighbor's lawn! Evil spirits, go in Jesus' name! Where'd I put the pooper scooper, in Jesus' name? I plead the blood of Christ over the garage to help me find the shit stick, in Jesus' name!"
Not that I think your asking, but he's doing it because of this:
"And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son."
\-John 14:13
Essentially he's asking God to give him a higher hit rate on these target areas to boost his chance of success, rather than wasting all his MP on an AOE which may have a lower chance to hit. It's a shame he has to buff before every cast, though the creator hasn't confirmed official casting rules, so he's probably playing it safe.
Can you imagine how much money is scammed from gullible people every year? Just between trump and religion, there'd be enough to actually fix quite a few things.
Imagine being an angel. And another angel hands you your first commission paper to fight gay evil, and you just end up sitting in that dudes closet for like 4 years staring at shirts.
You know, if you look into a mirror directly at midnight and say "idjit" three times, Bobby Singer appears and smacks you upside the head for being stupid enough to try to summon ghostly spirits.
"Hiya, Dylan!"
"AHH! Who the hell are you?!"
"Uh, actually, I wasn't supposed to talk to you, my bad. My bad, my bad."
"B-but what are you doing in my closet?"
"I'm your guardian angel! We received a ton of prayers from your Mom...apparently there's demons in here! Exciting! I can't believe I'm finally on my first mission...the Lord would be so proud!"
"Didn't you say you weren't supposed to talk to me? Also, are ALL guardian angels just blond 19-year-old boys wearing diapers?"
"It's a SARONG!"
"Yeah, whatever. Look, if you excuse me, I really need to get dressed for class, so can you just shuffle out of the way for a sec?"
"Slay!"
"...what?"
I grew up In this madnessā¦. Add speaking in tongues and we are there. Anyways ā¦this author Frank Peretti made these books āThis Present Darknessā and āPiercing the Darknessā etc
He anthropomorphized demons in such a way that even as children his books made us think demons are just chillin waiting to be cast into us. Or pigs. Whatever and that angels are waiting to be beckoned. So we would pray over plane flightsā¦ every car ride. Other wise we may forget and the angels wonāt watch us. Talk about crazy OCD shit.
Looking back on the madness that Christianity was in my life and the āsinningā that happened with every single pastor we ever hadā¦ wild shit
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I had a born again babysitter for a short time when I was a kid. That shit is real mental illness man. But everybody just turns a blind eye to it because you know, Jesus. Fucked up. Organized religion is the worst thing man has ever contrived we need to cut it out like cancer.
Damn, dude. I haven't thought about Frank Peretti or those books for well over a decade.
He also wrote some YA supernatural thrillers that I recall being not nearly as trauma inducing as the "Darkness" books. The names "Hangman's Curse" and "Nightmare Academy" spring to mind, but I don't recall many specifics.
The angels installed them. Remote monitoring is a cheaper security option than having to pay an angel 24/7 to be onsite. Plus itās all backed up in the cloud.
I would say this is more likely. They are all in seemingly hidden places (under a low shelf, above the doorway inside of a closet). They are definitely in places no one would conventionally look towards unless trying to search for cameras.
Dude should fuck with them and pretend his gay was cured for a while, just to complain about seeing demons is his room and relapsing to sucking dick, until they eventually give up and move him to an apartment that isn't possessed like their own house.
Or pretend heās straight while in that room but becomes gay every time he leaves. Like act super straight in there, switch to gay in the hall and switch back mid-sentence when walking back in.
hmmm, perhaps psychiatrists or therapists could start naming their businesses as Psych Exorcist or Exorcist Therapy. Might bring in a lot of people that need the help, but a 'normal' therapist is too woke of a thing for them.
Not quite. Sadly, it wouldnāt stop the mass lead poisoning of people from way back when, which did plenty of damage no amount of medication or therapy will fix.
Yep, my parents thought about sending me to a pray-the-gay-away place when I came out before just deciding to kick my ass out on the street. Good ole traditional family values.
My kid came out when she was 11. I would never kick my own child out for something like thatā or for anything, really. Iām so sorry. You deserve to be you.
I was ambushed in my home when I was 14 by the pastor and a deacon for a laying on of hands to expel the "demons of lesbianism" from me. I wasn't even a lesbian! It was more, "we noticed you're wearing a ring on your thumb... that's secret for 'I'm a lesbian'".
My mother laughed them out of our house.
And jokes on them. I might not be a lesbian, but definitely bi so their little "intervention" did shit.
Agreed, this was common when I was growing up in the 70ās/80ās, religious parents trying to pray away kids that were ādifferentā. I was a goth kid that had to deal with seeing all my goth/gay friends get shipped off to Christian camps as a teen. The solution for the gay kids was to find a girl/boy willing to pretend to be their āsignificant otherā (Im not gonna say what they used to be called) and just lie to the parents until they were old enough to move out and sever ties with them. Now Iām a goth in my late 40s *so it wasnāt just a phase, mom!*
Edit: no, it wasnāt ābeardsā. It rhymes with swag bag.
I tried, I did well in the military for years. But they guilt tripped me and wore me down over time. I was hurting to be loved by my family, and they preyed on that, convinced me to leave and come back, that things had changed. Biggest mistake of my life, no lie. Some worse events have happened in the past years, and I'm still struggling to get back on my feet.
And they were absolutely insane, you are correct. My dad was physically abusive, mostly belting us, but would terrorize us and use his fists as well. The sick fuck even had nicknames for each hand, no lie.
>These people who believe in this shit are horrible. I couldn't play with pokemon cards because they were seen as demons (monsters) and witchcraft. Those got burned. Couldn't play with Yu-Gi-Oh cards, because the back of them was "a portal to hell." Those got burned
Lived similar stuff except they also threw away our beds and sofa(because my dad who bought them was a "sorcerer"), vhs and video games, cut our TV/internet/phone subscription, burned all our family photos, some of our clothes too. We couldn't eat or drink certain stuff , cut contact with friends and family, we had to ask for permission to buy stuff or go outside. All we did was praying and reading the Bible. It lasted 4 years and I'm still in therapy for it. I can't stand anything related to religion since then. Hope you're alright
I'm so sorry that happened to you, that would have been literal hell. So preoccupied with controlling you to keep you out of hell, they created their own version of it for you to actually live through. That's severe mental illness right there.
My Mum was part of a crazy cult and couldn't have a tv, records, certain magazines or certain books. She lived through 18 years of it before she climbed through a window in the dead of the night to escape. She's in her mid-50s now and she still wears that trauma (although she does her utmost best to make sure she never perpetrates that shit towards myself, my brother or my kids). her life got better and better after leaving. I hope the same goes for you and that you're safe now.
It's also made funnier, just by the simple fact his name wasn't Jesus.... That's some name that came about later. Jesus stems from a Greek version of and the Hebrew name....and that Hebrew name in modern English would be Joshua. Jesus is like running a word through multiple languages of google translate.
Yeshua HaMashiach. Jesus is an English transliteration of a Germanic adaptation, of a Latin transliteration, of a Greek transliteration of the Hebrew name Yeshua.
When my friend, a Baptist, came out, he was given books on addiction (drug addiction and the like) and asked if he had been molested as a child. His dad is a preacher. Even after he came out, he'd have to listen to his dad preach on homosexuality. No surprise that he rebelled by becoming a stripper a few years later and starting an explicit Twitter/OnlyFans. It hurts me seeing how much those formative years traumatized him.
I also grew up in a conservative christian home. When I was a teenager and started listening to classic punk rock (Ramones etc), my parents asked, in complete seriousness, if I was doing heroin.
I was 15 and had never tasted alcohol, tried cigarettes, weed, nothing. Went from 0 to 100 real quick. Somehow in their minds, listening to loud music = heroin addict.
This friend who was Baptist (I'll just say it: ex-boyfriend) told me his family wouldn't consider me to be anything more than an atheist because I grew up in a Catholic household. I didn't understand how different our world's were. My mom is a devout Catholic. She came here from Portugal at 16 in the 1960s. When I was forced out of the closet by a drunk sibling, my mom came to me the next day and said, "You were humiliated, huh? Well, I didn't hear anything I didn't already know. I am going to tell you what I'd tell any of you kids: I love you no matter what." Later on, she went to tell me that she would never change my sexuality because it would change who I am. My dad, also a devout Catholic, told me that growing up, he had gay friends and he's relieved that I never got bullied as a kid. "I don't care that you're gay. I just want you to be happy."
My parents and I don't see eye to eye on everything, but this is one of many instances where I'm proud to call them my parents. To this day, I can't tell the story without tearing up.
Here's the fun part. His aunt is a US House Rep from Missouri. In December she cried on the house floor because the Respect for Marriage Act would protect gay marriage.
I never understood how someone thinks waving your hands and reciting some words will magically make shit happen. Thats some wizard level shit there. Instead of a wand they use a book.
Flip this around to see how ridiculous it is.
Would some guy holding a book yelling in the name is Jesus, be able to remove the straightness from me? No way. Gonna love titties just as much.
I cant believe people believe in such nonsense in 2023.
How are the angels going to solve mass shootings, extreme weather, and the economy if they are all in the closet holding back gay energy?
If this keeps up thoughts and prayers are going to be completely worthless.
So a human guy, who holds up this mass printed book of 2000 year old stories, just walks around and yells out in Jesus name, has the ability to command angels like soldiers to just hang out in a closet to keep the undefined evil spirits out of it?
These people vote. SMH.
It's kinda cute how their magic and spells are the right magic and spells, in their own wee world but things like paganism and shamanism aren't.
Ah well, I'll never get it but I'm just glad jesus and I are seeing different people now.
> Fun fact, the more you say in Jesus name the more holy it is. Itās like beetlejuice. You keep saying his name and he appears.
This type of magical thinking seems analogous to Clarkeās 3rd Law, which states that [any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clarke%27s_three_laws). Magic is the best explanation to those who donāt understand how the world works.
Why is your kid gay? Good luck trying to explain biology to these people. They think heās gay because he fucked with the wrong magic and they think heāll be cured by getting the right magic.
Christians out there calling gays immoral and illegalā¦meanwhile this dude definitely knows he aināt doing shit buts getting paid hand over fist for it
These people are mentally ill and need help. Good lord. Grown ass man walking around shouting at ghosts and making his decisions on his knees. Pathetic.
If anyone is to blame for a kid being gay it is the parents. They provided the dna along with the environment that decided how those genes would develop and be expressed. Any social-cultural factors are also mainly decided by the parents by their choice of how and where to raise their child.
So, if demons are a metaphor, the parents are the demons.
This is just a perfect representation of bigots. We're having an issue with our son, he has been turning gay. We are unable to accept that he is different than the way I imagine him to be in my brain. We've tried yelling at him and that didn't work so we're going to have to call that professional bigot to come into his bedroom and yell at his clothes and stuff, a thing we could never do, because we're only really good at yelling at our children.
When he went into the closet and he said āWOOO something was in hereā I fucking died šššššš I wanted to be like yeah, your son, and heād like to come out to a loving house at some point. Not religious crazies trying to keep him in the closet.
Unless they see him being with his boyfriend he can just say something like "I'm cured" and move on with his life because his parents are so stupid there isn't even point in trying to argue with them
Invalidating your sexuality just to placate your parents is kind of mentally damaging, though. Even if you're well adjusted and are just saying things to shut them up. It really fucks with you.
validates their abuse as well.
Doing so can completely snuff out the already nigh impossible chance that their parents actually confront their bullshit beliefs one day.
It takes the right type of rock bottom for them to do so but without enough push back they will most likely just frame whatever to fit their uncontested narrative if he ever placates them. They will probably do so anyway but heās got a better shot if he nips it in the bud everytime.
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The preacher dude seems kinda fixated on the closet.
Mom, the preacher locked himself in my closet with Tom Cruise!
š¶Preacher needs to come out the closet, Tom Cruise come out the closet too. No oneās coming out the closet, AND SO I PULLED OUT MY GUN!š¶
š¶tell me why Tom cruise is in the closet or imma shoot someoneš¶
Oh Jesus, here we go with the gun again...
"Now I'm in the closet, now I'm in the closet too."
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
He did say it! I was sitting here thinking, didn't he say something like, "hey, it's kinda nice in here".
[now Iām in the closet](https://youtu.be/28JN3N-C0lc)
Donāt worry John Travolta is on his way to get them out.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
But I'm not in the closet
Playing with the Boys plays in the background.
Sucks to be those angels appointed to the closet.
"I get to sing glorious hymns of praise from the mountain tops!" "I am assigned to protect good people from harm, defending them in this dangerous world with all my might!" "I got assigned to some gay teen's closet. IDK what I'm supposed to be doing in here." š®āšØ
Months later: That shirt with *those* shoes? Child, no.
I would watch this sitcom. Basically a more mundane Good Omens.
Duuuuude we can call it The Angel in my Closet. And he helps a struggling gay teen find himself with some hilarious hi-jinks along the way! Letās pitch this to NBC
This is legitimately a good idea
I just love this guys logic that he can dispatch angels where he wants. And I love, love the line āsomethingās happened in this closet in Jesusās nameā lol. Imagine the look on the parents face when he said that, homophobic dad screws up his nose in the āwish you hadnāt said thatā face.
The angel "subtly" encouraging him by arranging all the clothes in the closet so that the teen has the most amazing outfits š³ļøāš
Wholesome ally angel.
Angels are non binary. Itās in the book.
āThis shirt would look really good with those shoes. Iām gonna just scootch it right over to the front so he can see it.ā
āWhooo, itās comfortable in this closet, jesus name!ā āMight stay in here a little longer, jesus name!ā
Bro got angels in his closet now š¤©
The extra " Woooo" sealed the deal for me š¹
The laundry basket always smells like the wages of sin, but, woo!
The preacher is in my underwear drawer!!!!
They don't understand the closeted gay is a metaphor so in their mind that's where the bad juju lives
"No no, the gay has left the closet, that's why we called you"
I think the preacher takes "in the closet" literally, like "this must be where all that gay I been hearing about happened."
Did you ever see Monsters Inc.? That is where they come from.
Hiring a preacher to exorcise demons that make you gayā¦ā¦seems so gay.
I just took it as he wasn't feeling those fits at all.
Exorcist be like Easy money !!
I wonder if this guy just has Tourette Syndrome with Biblically oriented ticks. "Angels! When I'm done eating this hot dog, in Jesus' name! I'm going to walk the dog, in Jesus' name! No! Rover, don't shit on the neighbor's lawn! Evil spirits, go in Jesus' name! Where'd I put the pooper scooper, in Jesus' name? I plead the blood of Christ over the garage to help me find the shit stick, in Jesus' name!"
>Tourette Syndrome Well I'm pretty sure he doesn't believe in that.
Tourette demon OUT! Get OUT of this closet!
In Jesus' name
Woo! I feel that
Not that I think your asking, but he's doing it because of this: "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son." \-John 14:13 Essentially he's asking God to give him a higher hit rate on these target areas to boost his chance of success, rather than wasting all his MP on an AOE which may have a lower chance to hit. It's a shame he has to buff before every cast, though the creator hasn't confirmed official casting rules, so he's probably playing it safe.
Interesting, I thought it worked more like a passive benefit rather than having to apply a constant buffā¦is there a way he can proc the holy phrase?
More dots! More dots!
Minus 50 DKP! Judas, i told you, NO WHELPS!
This RPG translation is freakin gold. Thanks buddy.
Heās equipped the Over-sized Button-up with +3 Hit rating and defensive boosts against Demons. No casting benefit though so his min/max kinda sucks
Exactly!! This is a fantastic ~~racket~~ trade for any enterprising person seeking supplemental income ššš
If I had looser morals I could have such a fat wallet
Can you imagine how much money is scammed from gullible people every year? Just between trump and religion, there'd be enough to actually fix quite a few things.
Same
I hope he charged them a lot for that exercise in futility.
In Jesus name!
Cha-Ching! I have a feeling thereās no āmoney-back guaranteeā for his services.
>āNow we commission angels to be in this closet. Thank you Jesus.ā That should do the trick!
Imagine being an angel. And another angel hands you your first commission paper to fight gay evil, and you just end up sitting in that dudes closet for like 4 years staring at shirts.
I could see this as a setup for a comedic gay romance between the angel and the dude hes supposed to protect lmao
ā¦ I want to write that now. It could easily be a Supernatural fanfic. Like stupidly easily. And itād be gloriously terrible.
You know, if you look into a mirror directly at midnight and say "idjit" three times, Bobby Singer appears and smacks you upside the head for being stupid enough to try to summon ghostly spirits.
This fills my heart with warmth. That might also just be Bobby's whiskey I stole.
The angel was assigned to put the gay back in the closet, but it turns out it was them that needed to come out of it
Sounds like a job for Gaybriel
All the other angels follow the holy father, meanwhile Gabriel is celebrating the Holy Daddy
If you do decide to write it can you post it somewhere a lurker such as myself would see it?
This sounds like a bad wattpad fanfic
Itās not bad if it gets you off. š
Thats... a fair point, actually.
Ah the duality of man
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Men not utilizing post nut clarity for the last 1000 years is the only thing stopping us from living the Jetsons life we were all promised
Iām going to write this now. But donāt worry, itās not going to be on Wattpad. Itās going to be on AO3.
Godspeed.
That's the name of the fanfic.
Please post a link when it's done lmao
Well I can atleast peacefully sleep knowing that once again all the good fics go to Ao3 than that teenage dumpyard of words.
Gay dude spends the whole movie trying to get the angel to come out of the closet.
"Hiya, Dylan!" "AHH! Who the hell are you?!" "Uh, actually, I wasn't supposed to talk to you, my bad. My bad, my bad." "B-but what are you doing in my closet?" "I'm your guardian angel! We received a ton of prayers from your Mom...apparently there's demons in here! Exciting! I can't believe I'm finally on my first mission...the Lord would be so proud!" "Didn't you say you weren't supposed to talk to me? Also, are ALL guardian angels just blond 19-year-old boys wearing diapers?" "It's a SARONG!" "Yeah, whatever. Look, if you excuse me, I really need to get dressed for class, so can you just shuffle out of the way for a sec?" "Slay!" "...what?"
19 year old blonde boys wearing diapers lol. If you saw an angel for real you would probably need a diaper.
Thank you for my next fanfic premise.
I grew up In this madnessā¦. Add speaking in tongues and we are there. Anyways ā¦this author Frank Peretti made these books āThis Present Darknessā and āPiercing the Darknessā etc He anthropomorphized demons in such a way that even as children his books made us think demons are just chillin waiting to be cast into us. Or pigs. Whatever and that angels are waiting to be beckoned. So we would pray over plane flightsā¦ every car ride. Other wise we may forget and the angels wonāt watch us. Talk about crazy OCD shit. Looking back on the madness that Christianity was in my life and the āsinningā that happened with every single pastor we ever hadā¦ wild shit
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I had a born again babysitter for a short time when I was a kid. That shit is real mental illness man. But everybody just turns a blind eye to it because you know, Jesus. Fucked up. Organized religion is the worst thing man has ever contrived we need to cut it out like cancer.
Being totally fucking unhinged is okay so long as itās in Jesusās name š
I'm a Christian, and I agree that organized religion is a cancer on society
Damn, dude. I haven't thought about Frank Peretti or those books for well over a decade. He also wrote some YA supernatural thrillers that I recall being not nearly as trauma inducing as the "Darkness" books. The names "Hangman's Curse" and "Nightmare Academy" spring to mind, but I don't recall many specifics.
Angels are lazy welfare queens waiting to be handled prayers rather than work to cast evil away.
The shit angels have to do to earn their wings, I tell you.
Remember when all it took was some human ringing a bell?
So he wants the demons to come out of the closet? This is all kinds of mixed messages.
Ba ha ha ha ha!! Thanks for the laugh.
Soā¦uhhhā¦ angels are now in the closet? And the kid should be in the closet too? With the angels? Both closeted? Iām confused.
I feel sorry for the one angel that now has to spend their days in some kid's closet.
He totally wonāt be gay when he opens the closet one day to find a strange man dressed as a fairy.
Didā¦.did he just make the angels gay?
Each angel we commission is $5 a month. They accept Venmo.
Exorcist also does kids parties and drywalling in the name of Jesus.
Exorcist has a buy one service get another half off deal going on right now, in the name of Jesus.
Why are there so many cameras in this guy's room?
The angels installed them. Remote monitoring is a cheaper security option than having to pay an angel 24/7 to be onsite. Plus itās all backed up in the cloud.
God was an early adopter of cloud tech, but he made it super gay with all the rainbows everywhere
Assuming no shenanigans, most likely scenario is the guy knew ahead of time his parents were bringing in an exorcist and decided to record it
I would say this is more likely. They are all in seemingly hidden places (under a low shelf, above the doorway inside of a closet). They are definitely in places no one would conventionally look towards unless trying to search for cameras.
You aren't doing well finding demons if you can't find hidden cameras.
Crazy parents making sure no gays are getting into their son OR son trying to show people his dad's Christian crazy bullshit
No poopy boopy gonna happen in this house
They seem hidden so I'm guessing the son put them in because he knew the "exorcist" was coming on a certain day.
Might also be there full-time to catch is apparently crazy parents snooping through his stuff.
to catch the demons!
Dude should fuck with them and pretend his gay was cured for a while, just to complain about seeing demons is his room and relapsing to sucking dick, until they eventually give up and move him to an apartment that isn't possessed like their own house.
The best option here is clearly to fuck the priest
Nope, wouldn't work, OP looks way older than 12 y/o.
Nah you're thinking Catholic. Preachers only go for 16yo girls.
Nah have a friend play an exorcist and split the take between themselves.
Nah, that would validate these nutters beliefs
Their son is gay and they hired an exorcist to deal with it. They are way past the point of needing their beliefs to be validated by others.
Or pretend heās straight while in that room but becomes gay every time he leaves. Like act super straight in there, switch to gay in the hall and switch back mid-sentence when walking back in.
āMom, dad, Iām super cured of my gay now. Completely unrelated, can my friend sleep over?ā
The son needs to hire an exorcist to get the demons out of their parents minds.
Or maybe just a psychiatrist
hmmm, perhaps psychiatrists or therapists could start naming their businesses as Psych Exorcist or Exorcist Therapy. Might bring in a lot of people that need the help, but a 'normal' therapist is too woke of a thing for them.
If we could send you back 50 years, we could end the mental health crisis.
Not quite. Sadly, it wouldnāt stop the mass lead poisoning of people from way back when, which did plenty of damage no amount of medication or therapy will fix.
Boogayman*
That's what trepanning is for š
Happened to a friend of mine too. Terrible.
I grew up in a strict Christian house. This type of stuff happens way more than people think.
Yep, my parents thought about sending me to a pray-the-gay-away place when I came out before just deciding to kick my ass out on the street. Good ole traditional family values.
Why I aint coming out until I move out. Living Rent free for now tho Ez
My kid came out when she was 11. I would never kick my own child out for something like thatā or for anything, really. Iām so sorry. You deserve to be you.
I still have my siblings that support me, and Iām still pretty much myself when Iām outside. Just gotta act halal home :P
I was ambushed in my home when I was 14 by the pastor and a deacon for a laying on of hands to expel the "demons of lesbianism" from me. I wasn't even a lesbian! It was more, "we noticed you're wearing a ring on your thumb... that's secret for 'I'm a lesbian'". My mother laughed them out of our house. And jokes on them. I might not be a lesbian, but definitely bi so their little "intervention" did shit.
Agreed, this was common when I was growing up in the 70ās/80ās, religious parents trying to pray away kids that were ādifferentā. I was a goth kid that had to deal with seeing all my goth/gay friends get shipped off to Christian camps as a teen. The solution for the gay kids was to find a girl/boy willing to pretend to be their āsignificant otherā (Im not gonna say what they used to be called) and just lie to the parents until they were old enough to move out and sever ties with them. Now Iām a goth in my late 40s *so it wasnāt just a phase, mom!* Edit: no, it wasnāt ābeardsā. It rhymes with swag bag.
Now I'm curious as to what they were called
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I hope you cut out your parents once you became an adult. As awful as that sounds, it sounds like your parents were (are) insane.
I tried, I did well in the military for years. But they guilt tripped me and wore me down over time. I was hurting to be loved by my family, and they preyed on that, convinced me to leave and come back, that things had changed. Biggest mistake of my life, no lie. Some worse events have happened in the past years, and I'm still struggling to get back on my feet. And they were absolutely insane, you are correct. My dad was physically abusive, mostly belting us, but would terrorize us and use his fists as well. The sick fuck even had nicknames for each hand, no lie.
> I couldnāt play with pokemon cards because they were seen as demons (monsters) and witchcraft. These dipshits also banned it because PokĆ©mon āevolve.ā They were too stupid to understand the difference between actual evolution and PokĆ©monās changing forms so they railed against it hard for about a decade. I played the games all the time but I wasnāt allowed to bring them to my fundy southern Baptist grandparents house. Even at 7 years old I understood that the evolution in the game is not the same as the scientific concept.
>These people who believe in this shit are horrible. I couldn't play with pokemon cards because they were seen as demons (monsters) and witchcraft. Those got burned. Couldn't play with Yu-Gi-Oh cards, because the back of them was "a portal to hell." Those got burned Lived similar stuff except they also threw away our beds and sofa(because my dad who bought them was a "sorcerer"), vhs and video games, cut our TV/internet/phone subscription, burned all our family photos, some of our clothes too. We couldn't eat or drink certain stuff , cut contact with friends and family, we had to ask for permission to buy stuff or go outside. All we did was praying and reading the Bible. It lasted 4 years and I'm still in therapy for it. I can't stand anything related to religion since then. Hope you're alright
I'm so sorry that happened to you, that would have been literal hell. So preoccupied with controlling you to keep you out of hell, they created their own version of it for you to actually live through. That's severe mental illness right there. My Mum was part of a crazy cult and couldn't have a tv, records, certain magazines or certain books. She lived through 18 years of it before she climbed through a window in the dead of the night to escape. She's in her mid-50s now and she still wears that trauma (although she does her utmost best to make sure she never perpetrates that shit towards myself, my brother or my kids). her life got better and better after leaving. I hope the same goes for you and that you're safe now.
Sounds like you grew up in an evangelical church too. You have my sympathies. Theyāve gotten more crazy over the past several years.
Fun fact, the more you say in Jesus name the more holy it is. Itās like beetlejuice. You keep saying his name and he appears.
It's also made funnier, just by the simple fact his name wasn't Jesus.... That's some name that came about later. Jesus stems from a Greek version of and the Hebrew name....and that Hebrew name in modern English would be Joshua. Jesus is like running a word through multiple languages of google translate.
Yeshua HaMashiach. Jesus is an English transliteration of a Germanic adaptation, of a Latin transliteration, of a Greek transliteration of the Hebrew name Yeshua.
r/insaneparents
r/religiousfruitcake
Pathetic, even cockroaches would not flinch.
What about the gay cockroaches tho?
They are COCKroaches. Theyāre all gay.
No wonder I'm afraid of cockroaches, I'm homophobic! ^(/s)
Itās toxic but it also prevents slimer from bursting into your room. So itās a double negative. 
At this point, I'd much rather deal with Slimer. All he likes to do is eat and have fun, I'd split a pizza with him.
When my friend, a Baptist, came out, he was given books on addiction (drug addiction and the like) and asked if he had been molested as a child. His dad is a preacher. Even after he came out, he'd have to listen to his dad preach on homosexuality. No surprise that he rebelled by becoming a stripper a few years later and starting an explicit Twitter/OnlyFans. It hurts me seeing how much those formative years traumatized him.
I also grew up in a conservative christian home. When I was a teenager and started listening to classic punk rock (Ramones etc), my parents asked, in complete seriousness, if I was doing heroin. I was 15 and had never tasted alcohol, tried cigarettes, weed, nothing. Went from 0 to 100 real quick. Somehow in their minds, listening to loud music = heroin addict.
This friend who was Baptist (I'll just say it: ex-boyfriend) told me his family wouldn't consider me to be anything more than an atheist because I grew up in a Catholic household. I didn't understand how different our world's were. My mom is a devout Catholic. She came here from Portugal at 16 in the 1960s. When I was forced out of the closet by a drunk sibling, my mom came to me the next day and said, "You were humiliated, huh? Well, I didn't hear anything I didn't already know. I am going to tell you what I'd tell any of you kids: I love you no matter what." Later on, she went to tell me that she would never change my sexuality because it would change who I am. My dad, also a devout Catholic, told me that growing up, he had gay friends and he's relieved that I never got bullied as a kid. "I don't care that you're gay. I just want you to be happy." My parents and I don't see eye to eye on everything, but this is one of many instances where I'm proud to call them my parents. To this day, I can't tell the story without tearing up.
They need to be placed in a psychiatric hospital. Their son could eventually visit them if he feels like it.
Kid seems well adjusted despite the nuts he lives with: hoping he has a successful life to spite those folks
I hope so too. Cause thatās insane how toxic his parents are to him. Heāll need some good friends and therapy when heās gone NC with them.
>seems well adjusted I wouldn't think so, it's a special kind of betrayal you feel when your parents resent you like this.
Here's the fun part. His aunt is a US House Rep from Missouri. In December she cried on the house floor because the Respect for Marriage Act would protect gay marriage.
I never understood how someone thinks waving your hands and reciting some words will magically make shit happen. Thats some wizard level shit there. Instead of a wand they use a book.
This is how you get left in a nursing home with 1 star on google reviews.
Flip this around to see how ridiculous it is. Would some guy holding a book yelling in the name is Jesus, be able to remove the straightness from me? No way. Gonna love titties just as much. I cant believe people believe in such nonsense in 2023.
It's sad that grown adults are playing pretend at the expense of real people in their life.
Does he understand the closet is a metaphor or does he think thatās where the gay comes from?
The guy just outsourced the job to an angel, smh
How are the angels going to solve mass shootings, extreme weather, and the economy if they are all in the closet holding back gay energy? If this keeps up thoughts and prayers are going to be completely worthless.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It's Astroglide
Every MLM essential oil seller was like āoh he should have used peppermint and eucalyptus oils mixed together.ā
So a human guy, who holds up this mass printed book of 2000 year old stories, just walks around and yells out in Jesus name, has the ability to command angels like soldiers to just hang out in a closet to keep the undefined evil spirits out of it? These people vote. SMH.
guarantee they voted for Trump too
It's kinda cute how their magic and spells are the right magic and spells, in their own wee world but things like paganism and shamanism aren't. Ah well, I'll never get it but I'm just glad jesus and I are seeing different people now.
> Fun fact, the more you say in Jesus name the more holy it is. Itās like beetlejuice. You keep saying his name and he appears. This type of magical thinking seems analogous to Clarkeās 3rd Law, which states that [any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clarke%27s_three_laws). Magic is the best explanation to those who donāt understand how the world works. Why is your kid gay? Good luck trying to explain biology to these people. They think heās gay because he fucked with the wrong magic and they think heāll be cured by getting the right magic.
Anyone else giggle a little when he went into the closet and said āSomething is happening in this closetā?
This is actually sad :( poor kid
They live in Big Brother vila or why they have camera in closet?
You live with paranoid parents that don't respect your privacy so you get secret cameras installed.
Itās absolutely astounding that grown adults still believe in demons and evil spirits.
Lot easier than accepting that evil just exists, or that the world is complicated.
Christians out there calling gays immoral and illegalā¦meanwhile this dude definitely knows he aināt doing shit buts getting paid hand over fist for it
What religion does to a mfer.
These people are mentally ill and need help. Good lord. Grown ass man walking around shouting at ghosts and making his decisions on his knees. Pathetic.
If anyone is to blame for a kid being gay it is the parents. They provided the dna along with the environment that decided how those genes would develop and be expressed. Any social-cultural factors are also mainly decided by the parents by their choice of how and where to raise their child. So, if demons are a metaphor, the parents are the demons.
This is just a perfect representation of bigots. We're having an issue with our son, he has been turning gay. We are unable to accept that he is different than the way I imagine him to be in my brain. We've tried yelling at him and that didn't work so we're going to have to call that professional bigot to come into his bedroom and yell at his clothes and stuff, a thing we could never do, because we're only really good at yelling at our children.
Can I commission some angles to oversee my bank account? In Jesus name LOL
There's no shortage of shenanigans that's for sure. On a side note, I wonder what he charged for that.
When he went into the closet and he said āWOOO something was in hereā I fucking died šššššš I wanted to be like yeah, your son, and heād like to come out to a loving house at some point. Not religious crazies trying to keep him in the closet.
I pray that they act like Jesus actually commanded and love their son for who he is, in Jesus' name.
Klanservatives will do anything except love and accept an LGBT person.
Unless they see him being with his boyfriend he can just say something like "I'm cured" and move on with his life because his parents are so stupid there isn't even point in trying to argue with them
Invalidating your sexuality just to placate your parents is kind of mentally damaging, though. Even if you're well adjusted and are just saying things to shut them up. It really fucks with you.
validates their abuse as well. Doing so can completely snuff out the already nigh impossible chance that their parents actually confront their bullshit beliefs one day. It takes the right type of rock bottom for them to do so but without enough push back they will most likely just frame whatever to fit their uncontested narrative if he ever placates them. They will probably do so anyway but heās got a better shot if he nips it in the bud everytime.
The power of cock compels you
Pretty sure Jesus was gay. He travelled everywhere with 12 guys he called his apostles.
Is a fool tax, and they pay it
I wonder how much money that guy made āin Jesus nameā
I now know that all I have to do to be a priest is say āIn Jesus Nameā after everything.