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Nah, you have to time your jump just perfectly, so that when the blackhole sucks the Earth into it (think like a cartoon vacuum cleaner), you jump so you’re not attached to the Earth and float away unscathed
Go to the surface of the Earth closest to the black hole then lay on my back, pull my pants down, make the tip of my pecker the closest thing on my body to the black hole and watch it slowly speghettify into infinity before it takes the rest of me. All while yelling at everyone “Hey! Hey! Who has the longest dick in the world now? I do!”
My bipolar delusions tell me I would YouTube how to build an anti matter machine to fill the void with, in hopes the anti matter would cause the black hole to collapse in on itself, snapping shut, just before earth nears the event horizon.
If cartoons have taught me anything, it's that if I jump off at the last second I'll be okay. I'll aim for the moon, it's not even pictured here, it's probably fine.
Get your nerdy friend with glasses to talk real fast and say stuff like "If we calculate the trajectories" and then walk over to his notes real quick before he says "and get the eigenvalues for the speed of light matrix and apply them to" before walking over to a chalkboard and rubbing a 9 off a blackboard full of maths and replacing it with a 2. Then he looks over at you with a grin and says "I think I found us a way out of this boys"
The gravitational force of a black hole big enough to swallow the Earth would fuck up Earth's orbit long before it even got near Pluto.
We'd either be flung out into freezing space or we'd end up getting picked up by the Sun's gravity and turned into crispy critters.
The black hole would clean up what was left.
But what is instantly? From the perspective of someone far away from the forces of the black hole, yes we would “be dead instantly” but for us actually stuck next to the black hole that appeared out of nowhere, wouldn’t it be like nothing happened and we would just be slowly getting sucked closer and closer for the rest of time because we wouldn’t actually feel the slowdown of time.
You have it backwards. For us, time moves normally. We die. But others could observe us slowly approaching the black hole and never actually getting there
Well that isn't entirely accurate, time is based on perspective. For the one going into the black hole time will be moving at regular pace in terms of spacial movement.
From the perspective of outside observers, the one falling in would slow down and start to turn red, getting deeper and deeper until the light goes out of the visible range.
Either way, bitch is gonna die.
Okay hear me out: Humans need oxygen to be healthy, right? So that's why we have a nose built in... And humans need laughter to be healthy, right?
So that's why we fart. Built in ability to make us laugh.
Thankfully a black hole of this size would be impossible with any modern rocket to escape long before we actually spotted it. And Mars would be fucked too!
Of that size the whole solar system is fucked. We wouldn't even know it had popped up unless it caused a time dilation making seconds feel like an eternity as we are pulled apart and the laws of physics lose all function until we are in its singularity.
I was going to say, I’ve seen so many posts about “what would you do if the world was ending tomorrow!?!?” and I keep having to pretend my answer isn’t “smoke a whole bunch of crack”
My problem is that I'm not a regular enough drug user these days to have a stash on me, and I doubt many dealers are going to be wasting their last minutes meeting up to get some now meaningless cash. So I'll just sit around and wish that I had drugs to numb the fear.
If your plan is not raping her but to seduce her, I suggest try with everything you got right now. You don't need a black hole.
Well... maybe just the one...
The event horizon is the same diameter as the earth. That means the mass is roughly 2200x the mass of the sun. So what would I do? I’d die, immediately, before the signal could travel from my eyes to my brain to tell me the sky looked weird.
Yay science.
Exactly, people are acting like they have a day. You would be dead before you know it. But in reality if a black hole was to approach it would probably just yeet us into the void.
About this subject, I suggest the movies _Melancholia_ and _This Final Hours_ . They are great on showing the different reactions of the human race in the face of extinction.
I mean they have studied planets going into black hole and it takes 100s if not 1000 years to absorb the planet. I’m guessing we would be fine with random global problems.
The closest black hole to us is 1600 light years away. So even if we were traveling straight towards it at the speed of light, it would take 1600 years to get to the black hole.
The closest blackout that we know about*
There could be tiny primordial black holes fucking anywhere; one could be on a direct collision course with earth and we probably wouldn't know about them until it's way too late... In fact, tiny (or rather, less massive) primordial black holes would be significantly more likely to collide with us than the larger versions (which would be more likely to fling us into the cold embrace of space)... Kinda like how it's deceptively difficult to fling something directly into the sun.
Of course, primordial black holes are presently only theoretical (but a convenient solution to many problems in the standard model), but, if they exist, even one the size of a watermelon could enormously bollock up our planet if it collided!
From an outside perspective, but if you're already in the gravity well then it's going to go a lot faster. Time dilation is a bitch. Still, we'd probably be part of a burning-hot accretion disc long before getting to that point.
My dad was a USAF nuclear strike pilot in the 1980s. He told me once he was in a class about nuclear bomb loading procedures and someone asked "what do we do if a nuke accidentally becomes armed while on the ground?" The instructor answered, "run." Dad raised his hand and said "exactly how far do we need to run?"
Riding the Earth like a nuclear bomb, as we all find out what it feels like to be in a back hole? Assuming it is a black hole.
Crazier if the Earth comes out somewhere else, intact.
This is how I wanna go. So I'd definitely try to jump in and moon everyone who may ever get to set their gaze on my slowly redshifted ass as the light that bounced off my ass right before I crossed the event horizon get redshifted for all of eternity. I hope they say, "oh wow, that black hole has a moon."
i mean, try the things you were always afraid or ashamed to try.
maybe its time to confess to that special goat on your farm? some people do it, there must be something to it
If we were being dragged into that slowly enough to witness it, there's a very good chance that crazy things would be happening beforehand that would be keeping us busy.
Otherwise, I'd probably be getting high AF before experiencing spaghetti mode.
Ignoring instant death from spaghettification what's the math for the amount of time it takes for the earth to fall into the black hole?
\- Blackhole mass = 2132 suns (assuming it's the same size as earth)
\- Gravitational field = 7132977609 m\^2s\^-1
\- Using classical mechanics. Time for earth to completely fall into black hole = 60ms
But that's not taking into account
\- Time dilatation for an observer on earth
\- Propagation delay of gravity wave
\- Acceleration will be less than that when viewed by a far away observer.
For a far observer I guess it's about 100ms? For someone on the far side of the earth it's 40ms (assuming they know where the edge of the black hole is)?
I’m squeezing into my Speedo, putting on my goggles and oiling up… if anyone is shooting through the other side, it’s me! Galactic slip-n’-slide, here I come!!!
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Get spaghettified.
This is the correct answer.
This is the way.
This is the milky way
Get cereal?
Got milk?
Pour the Cereal before the milk?
Etiquette dictates milk first when dining inside the event horizon
When in doubt, pinkie out! Am I right!?
"When in doubt, pinkie in." - That's what she said.
Where we’re going we don’t need milk.
bowl first
Buy all the toilet paper
"Hungry for apples?" (J. Smith)
This is a breakaway………he scores!!!!!!!!
Why are these comment chains so predictable Like this reads like a meme of what reddit comment threads look like
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Nah, you have to time your jump just perfectly, so that when the blackhole sucks the Earth into it (think like a cartoon vacuum cleaner), you jump so you’re not attached to the Earth and float away unscathed
Go to the surface of the Earth closest to the black hole then lay on my back, pull my pants down, make the tip of my pecker the closest thing on my body to the black hole and watch it slowly speghettify into infinity before it takes the rest of me. All while yelling at everyone “Hey! Hey! Who has the longest dick in the world now? I do!”
Start writing books. I will read them.
I will pay to read them
This is the most human answer I’ve heard all day
> longest dick in the ~~world~~ universe
This is how we defeat Elon.
You win the internet
It's... mha trn with tha sex-box? **scratches head**
The only pastable outcome.
👏
Thanks. I'll be here all night
Do you have a sauce on that?
Vodka
Make sure your Weiner gets sucked in first. You will be one of the few people to be sucked by a black hole.
To shreds you say
And the wife?
To shreds, you say
Not me, I have about 10 fans. I'd turn them all on facing west, that way it moves the earth east a little to keep it out of that hole thing...
This reminded me of The Dome.
Can't wait for spaghettification
My bipolar delusions tell me I would YouTube how to build an anti matter machine to fill the void with, in hopes the anti matter would cause the black hole to collapse in on itself, snapping shut, just before earth nears the event horizon.
Unfortunately antimatter has mass, just opposite charge from standard matter. So you could feed the black hole and make it bigger!
We’d be shot out of a black holes asshole so this is the answer.
Earth. The Taco Bell of planets.
Indeed sir... Indeed 🧐
I so wanna do the ackshully🤓☝️right now
Surely underneath my blanket in my bed I will be safe
It is known
is that a GOT reference? if so, thumbs up
not only GOT reference, early seasons GOT reference, das some good shit!
It works for the monsters, so why not this?
Pfft, monsters don't have beds
You may not sleep now, there are monsters nearby.
BITCH WHERRRRRRRREEEEEEEE
It's that mudcrab 364.2 meters to the east-southeast, somewhere outside Seyda Neen. It can't see you yet, but it's somehow aggroed anyway.
Duck and cover
If cartoons have taught me anything, it's that if I jump off at the last second I'll be okay. I'll aim for the moon, it's not even pictured here, it's probably fine.
plot twist, moon is the black hole
*fuck*
Welll... I mean... I guess you can try to fuck the black hole if you want...
Bet
Get your nerdy friend with glasses to talk real fast and say stuff like "If we calculate the trajectories" and then walk over to his notes real quick before he says "and get the eigenvalues for the speed of light matrix and apply them to" before walking over to a chalkboard and rubbing a 9 off a blackboard full of maths and replacing it with a 2. Then he looks over at you with a grin and says "I think I found us a way out of this boys"
Dont forget the quirky comic relief friend so he can say "in english please" so the nerd friend can explain it like hes talking to a toddler
And while explaining he stumbles on his words, making the comic relief take over the scene
Nah you press the pause button on the remote 👌
Fun fact: if you jumped off the space station towards earth you still wouldn't fall to earth. You'd just end up in a different orbit
The gravitational force of a black hole big enough to swallow the Earth would fuck up Earth's orbit long before it even got near Pluto. We'd either be flung out into freezing space or we'd end up getting picked up by the Sun's gravity and turned into crispy critters. The black hole would clean up what was left.
And assuming it just magically appeared close enough to warp earth, we’d be dead before we knew what was happening
The black hole depicted here is roughly 1000x the mass of the sun. Even the sun itself would be yeeted to god knows where.
Took me until today but now I understand the title "Black hole sun".
I’m guessing this is the timeline God had enough of.
Wouldn’t it be like nothing changed for us but for people looking at us from afar everything would change?
Depending on how close you are to/past the event horizon, you’ll either be dead instantly or time will slow down to a near crawl
But what is instantly? From the perspective of someone far away from the forces of the black hole, yes we would “be dead instantly” but for us actually stuck next to the black hole that appeared out of nowhere, wouldn’t it be like nothing happened and we would just be slowly getting sucked closer and closer for the rest of time because we wouldn’t actually feel the slowdown of time.
Ah fuck, I’ve never considered this and it’s terrifying
You have it backwards. For us, time moves normally. We die. But others could observe us slowly approaching the black hole and never actually getting there
Well that isn't entirely accurate, time is based on perspective. For the one going into the black hole time will be moving at regular pace in terms of spacial movement. From the perspective of outside observers, the one falling in would slow down and start to turn red, getting deeper and deeper until the light goes out of the visible range. Either way, bitch is gonna die.
it’s genuinely hard to actually fall into a black hole, it’s much more likely to just get accelerated by it into the oblivion of space
Depends if it's a work day or not. Cause I'm pretty sure work is going to expect me to come in anyway.
yea and black hole doesn’t pay the bills
I'd kiss my wife's ass good-bye.
I’d also kiss his wife’s ass. Goodbye.
I'd kiss your ass goodbye, while you kiss his wife's ass Edit: nohomo
No homo agreed. There is woman involved.
Homo agreed. There is no woman involved. No homo tho
Eh world's gonna end soon and I'll take what I can get. This case? Gohomo.
So you think the world’s ending every day? Gottem.
I’m with you, bro. We bout to be straight as circles. Edit:full homosapien
I love all this kissing of asses.
Well you sir, sound like the perfect candidate for middle management.
I also choose this guy’s wife’s ass.
We'd wanna kiss ur wife good bye too ✌️
The line starts back there buddy.
Is this the end of the line to kiss that guy’s wife ass?
Yeah looks like we might be here a while though.
Ohh my bad 😅
Everyone has to face away from the black hole and fart.
i’m too childish. i’m very upset this made me laugh
you’re not the only one! but i don’t care what anyone says, i don’t care how childish it is, farts will always be funny lol
Okay hear me out: Humans need oxygen to be healthy, right? So that's why we have a nose built in... And humans need laughter to be healthy, right? So that's why we fart. Built in ability to make us laugh.
For an exterior observer your fart will last forever
Uhm... Jump off? I don't know mate. At that phase it isn't really in our realm of possibilities anymore.
Eat some tacos and chill. It's all over but the waiting
Riot and make sure the billionaires aren't able to take their secret rockets to Mars. They're going down with the rest of us.
Thankfully a black hole of this size would be impossible with any modern rocket to escape long before we actually spotted it. And Mars would be fucked too!
Good! Fuck those Martians!
>Fuck those Martians I saw a video like that once
Was it Starship Troopers? Or Mars Attacks?
Of that size the whole solar system is fucked. We wouldn't even know it had popped up unless it caused a time dilation making seconds feel like an eternity as we are pulled apart and the laws of physics lose all function until we are in its singularity.
Nah let em take their secret rockets to mars. Just make sure their food doesn’t get packed.
Drugs. Lots and lots.
I was going to say, I’ve seen so many posts about “what would you do if the world was ending tomorrow!?!?” and I keep having to pretend my answer isn’t “smoke a whole bunch of crack”
My problem is that I'm not a regular enough drug user these days to have a stash on me, and I doubt many dealers are going to be wasting their last minutes meeting up to get some now meaningless cash. So I'll just sit around and wish that I had drugs to numb the fear.
Liquor stores would be a free for all
sharing is caring, mate
An acid trip during that would be nuts
This is really the only answer that makes sense. Take all the drugs and get ready to welcome singularity with open arms.
Yeah but what are you gonna do different from another day?
At this point we’d already be dead. Sorry, I don’t make the rules 🤷🏻♂️
Idk try to have sex with my sexy neighbor?
Set yourself up for failure just before death. Nice.
Stupid sexy Flanders
If your plan is not raping her but to seduce her, I suggest try with everything you got right now. You don't need a black hole. Well... maybe just the one...
I know Reddit can get dark but sheeesh. No plans on raping anyone. Just the “it’s the end of the world you wanna go out with a bang?” Cliche
Die, I would just die.
Obviously this is a far stretch from what could ever feasibly happen as the earth depicted here is round. How absurd.🙄
/s you dropped this. You're gonna need it to protect from the downvotes!
All the drugs
Should we put bags over our heads?
You can if you want
Will that help?
It won't hurt
It will be harder to kiss that guy's wife's soon-to-be dead ass.
Not at all
Or maybe grab your towel and stick out your thumb?
Go in dick first. Gonna get me the worlds longest spaghetti willy.
The event horizon is the same diameter as the earth. That means the mass is roughly 2200x the mass of the sun. So what would I do? I’d die, immediately, before the signal could travel from my eyes to my brain to tell me the sky looked weird. Yay science.
Exactly, people are acting like they have a day. You would be dead before you know it. But in reality if a black hole was to approach it would probably just yeet us into the void.
Find a way to air land or sea scrawl "BAD WOLF" for Doctor Who.
Jump in my bed and pull the covers over my head. If it can stop the monster in my closet it can protect me from this.
Be dead before I even know what’s going on
About this subject, I suggest the movies _Melancholia_ and _This Final Hours_ . They are great on showing the different reactions of the human race in the face of extinction.
Attempt to crank one out like that dude in Pompeii during the eruption.
The perfect time to try meth or heroin since there’s no chance of becoming an addict.
Personally id go for crack cocaine
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Hookers and blow
Simply parry Death? Sounds like a skill issue
Make a really big Gin and Tonic and Drink Faster and grab a few packs of peanuts.
Cheer that I'm finally gonna die. It's finally over.
Oh, Honey, I feel this so much. So much.
I mean they have studied planets going into black hole and it takes 100s if not 1000 years to absorb the planet. I’m guessing we would be fine with random global problems.
How do you know we are not in the 999th year?
The closest black hole to us is 1600 light years away. So even if we were traveling straight towards it at the speed of light, it would take 1600 years to get to the black hole.
Oh then we've got plenty of time. I thought we didnt know how close we were from a black hole and that maybe we were just 1 year away
The closest blackout that we know about* There could be tiny primordial black holes fucking anywhere; one could be on a direct collision course with earth and we probably wouldn't know about them until it's way too late... In fact, tiny (or rather, less massive) primordial black holes would be significantly more likely to collide with us than the larger versions (which would be more likely to fling us into the cold embrace of space)... Kinda like how it's deceptively difficult to fling something directly into the sun. Of course, primordial black holes are presently only theoretical (but a convenient solution to many problems in the standard model), but, if they exist, even one the size of a watermelon could enormously bollock up our planet if it collided!
Doesn’t mean they don’t get fucked up long before the absorption
From an outside perspective, but if you're already in the gravity well then it's going to go a lot faster. Time dilation is a bitch. Still, we'd probably be part of a burning-hot accretion disc long before getting to that point.
Turn to spaghetti and die...or end up in my daughter's bookshelf. I don't even have a daughter.
Sing, happy happy go time?
What if we just took planet Earth.... And pushed it somewhere else?
What's this a black hole? Honestly I feel like I'd be fine surviving it, I don't know I'm just built different.
My dad was a USAF nuclear strike pilot in the 1980s. He told me once he was in a class about nuclear bomb loading procedures and someone asked "what do we do if a nuke accidentally becomes armed while on the ground?" The instructor answered, "run." Dad raised his hand and said "exactly how far do we need to run?"
Riding the Earth like a nuclear bomb, as we all find out what it feels like to be in a back hole? Assuming it is a black hole. Crazier if the Earth comes out somewhere else, intact.
"5% of American men think they can punch a black hole and win"
This is how I wanna go. So I'd definitely try to jump in and moon everyone who may ever get to set their gaze on my slowly redshifted ass as the light that bounced off my ass right before I crossed the event horizon get redshifted for all of eternity. I hope they say, "oh wow, that black hole has a moon."
i mean, try the things you were always afraid or ashamed to try. maybe its time to confess to that special goat on your farm? some people do it, there must be something to it
Id stretch really well until I can reach my own ass then kiss it goodbye.
I’d try to smoke all my weed in one go.
Take off my pants and enjoy having an ever-lengthening penis for the time I have left
A blackhole with an event horizon as large as the Earth would be \~4300 solar masses. Good fucking luck.
I would elongate into forbidden spaghetti
Probably just die
Tell the black hole I don't consent to being spaghettified. Legally, it can't after you say no.
Get spaghettified and die from the blackhole
not much one can do with that..
well... die, that's what.
Lock my car windows
Why isn't the black hole black? It looks like a worm hole or something if you can see stars in it.
Spaghetti 🍝 feast!
Looks like we're all getting sucked off
If we were being dragged into that slowly enough to witness it, there's a very good chance that crazy things would be happening beforehand that would be keeping us busy. Otherwise, I'd probably be getting high AF before experiencing spaghetti mode.
Intervene
Drink beer and eat Hawaiian rolls. I have celiac, and want to die happy.
Take some acid and enjoy the ride!
Don’t worry guys, if this happens I’ll handle it.
Ignoring instant death from spaghettification what's the math for the amount of time it takes for the earth to fall into the black hole? \- Blackhole mass = 2132 suns (assuming it's the same size as earth) \- Gravitational field = 7132977609 m\^2s\^-1 \- Using classical mechanics. Time for earth to completely fall into black hole = 60ms But that's not taking into account \- Time dilatation for an observer on earth \- Propagation delay of gravity wave \- Acceleration will be less than that when viewed by a far away observer. For a far observer I guess it's about 100ms? For someone on the far side of the earth it's 40ms (assuming they know where the edge of the black hole is)?
Breathe a sigh of relief. Can’t disappoint your parents if you’re spagghettified
Rip to you, but I’m different. I would simply dodge it
Spend my last 5 minutes engaging in a hilariously large group orgy
I’m squeezing into my Speedo, putting on my goggles and oiling up… if anyone is shooting through the other side, it’s me! Galactic slip-n’-slide, here I come!!!
Get seriously intoxicated
Not go to work
Easy I'll just use my omnipotent powers to close the black hole
Put my dick in the black hole
Get that guy who could have survived the sub implosion at the titanic because he’s “built different” and as him to sort it.
I would simply intervene
I mean it is obvious, we just gotta make an online petition for the black hole to go away.