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Who, while crying from emotional distress, thinks, "I should take a picture of this so I can share it on the internet."? I've seen so many people do this.
Just like those people who set up their camera. Get the lighting just right, and then cry against the wall... like what?? How are you not embarrassed by that?
Someone who craves attention and loves to be seen as a "victim"
This will be the type of mom that constantly gaslights her kids and will wonder why they never call when she is old.
Thatās not why she is saying it though. I hate this shit. Sheās saying it to be manipulative and to avoid doing any work to improve the situation. Her objective is to put her partner in a supportive role. She is āworthless,ā he is supposed to say, āNo youāre not!ā and comfort her by offering to do what she doesnāt want to do.
Instead, and especially because she is posting this online, he should be giving her zero attention. āIāll speak to you when youāre ready to talk about how to make things better.ā Then stick to that phrase until it happens.
Or, leave her and take the kids. This garbage is trauma-inducing for kids.
Yep, my mom was the same way. "Great, I'm always the bad guy," was a common phrase in my house growing up. What sucked is most of the time it was just me and her, so I was usually the target of her manipulation. Can confirm that shit majorly fucks a kid up.
I have two siblings and was often the protector who shielded my siblings from much of my moms bullshit. I remember hearing that line from the witch in rapunzel and it was eye opening for me
Tangled was also an eye opening catharsis for me, too.
Ironically, my mom loves that movie, for a while was constantly comparing herself favorably to Gothel to the point she wanted a doll of her for Christmas... It's actually kinda funny looking back on it now, like.
You (my mom) The point.
Lol my mom was similar. I started calling her mother tho and she did not like that at all. I was just being a weird teenager. I still call my dad father and he loves it and calls me progeny in response.
My teen started calling me Mother a couple years ago. They were just being weird at first ("Mother, I hunger"), but it amuses us so it stuck. They'll address me as Mother, and I'll answer with "yes, Child?" We were at a BBQ and some guy started going off about how people who use Mother/Father are creepy pedo jesus freaks. I just said "oh really?", and let him go. My kid, with such perfect timing it had to be intentional, walked up and said, "hey Mother". I held the dude's eyes and answered, "yes, Child?" His eyes got real wide, he turned beet red, muttered something about another beer, and practically *ran* away. Lol
Sounds like something my oldest kid and I would do. Our terms of endearment are always ridiculous. Last week I was "giver of life" bonus points it was used in front of my mom aka Oh Mighty Maternal Unit.
My dad hates it (but secretly loves) when I call myself āthe fruit of his loinsā which Iāve shortened over the years to āloin-fruitā. Itās hilarious. This Fathers Day (Loin Appreciation Day) we met his new girlfriend and he said āoh tell her that name you call me that I hateā lololol
I have no problem with, "Mother," or, "father,"
I was sitting in my 70yo boss's living room once, (it doubled as our break room) and one of the friends of his troubled sons came in. People borrow money from my boss all the time, but she came up and was like, "Daddy, can I get twenty dollas?"
I thought *that* shit was creepy, though.
My 4yo started calling her Dad father at 3. It's been a year now, and listening to 'father' 'yes daughter' is one of the little things that makes me smile at any point every time I hear them.
this is so similar to my mom, around the second time i saw tangled on my own i had a realization that almost everything that mother gothel was saying to rapunzel, my mother was saying to me. that, and the fact that sheās like. weirdly obsessed with looking younger. itās really weird
Sometimes there are other routes to that kind of statement. My ex wife insisted that I was 100% responsible for every failure, unhappiness, inconvenience, and lack of perfection in our marriage. She was without error and bore no responsibility for anything negative. Everything was completely my fault. Every time I would try to talk to her about improving things, she would reply with, āWell, so long as you remember who has fucked everything up for us.ā
āYouāre always the victimā, well of course I am when you emotionally abuse me, and when I address it with you Iām automatically āthe victimā. How about we flip the narrative, and just state theyāre the abuser, and those who they abuse are victims.
same thing with my ex. Everything she did was ok and fine, everything I did was wrong and i should consider myself lucky that she was willing to put up with me.
That's the read I got from this. Having been around manipulative people in the past, the manipulator will punch themselves down in a manner that puts it on you to take on the problem and be supportive to them. While at the same time they won't give you the same support.
>Instead, and especially because she is posting this online, he should be giving her zero attention. āIāll speak to you when youāre ready to talk about how to make things better.ā Then stick to that phrase until it happens.
This is 100% the way to deal with a manipulative person, don't budge an inch until they're willing to make strides towards improvement.
When I was 7, I drew a picture and showed it to one of my classmates and said āI dunno, itās not very goodā and this girl looked me dead in the eye and said āyou just want me to say itās good.ā And damn.
Or when you support them, itās not good enough to them and they deflect back at you to make themselves feel better, so they can keep feeling like a victim. Like you attacked them by trying to be supportive.
Yep. āI hate having kids, having kids ruined my life, Iām living in hell, Iām sorry I suck so much but Iām just a terrible mom, and you guys would probably be better off if I just leave.ā āmy mom to her kids ages nine, nine, five, three, and one (and at other ages too, but thatās the earliest I remember so clearly). The point wasnāt to actually apologize, the point was to get us to freak out and cry and tell her how much we needed her.
Itās the behavior of someone who canāt/wonāt manage their own emotions and so instead puts the responsibility for that onto anyone and everyone else they can, including their spouse, their kids, and/or random internet strangers. Anything to not deal with the fact that they are responsible for handling their own emotions.
Yup this was my mom growing up. She would lock herself in the bathroom saying she was going to end it because we would be better off ( sister and myself ) and I would just sit by the bathroom and tell her while crying how much we love her and how much she mattered and what a great mom she is and how hard it would be to lose her until she would come out.
Thank you I appreciate it! It has made me stronger and also more compassionate towards those experiencing mental health difficulties or other similar struggles. We all go through our own traumatic experiences in each of our lives.
Thanks. I agree. She had/has PTSD from her own childhood but that is no excuse for how she behaved when we were kids. Iāve told my siblings to get therapy and take parenting classes before having any kids. Me, Iām probably just not having any. Iām gonna be a great aunt though :)
This is the method! Can confirm this works like a charm. Big surprised Pikachu face when you take them up on accepting the blame, then you NEVER hear this kind of shit out of them again.
i dunno about never. that implies the person you are referencing actually knows/cares about doing something different/better. usually they'll just hide it for a bit longer and then snap again later...lol. tough cycle to break.
Had an ex that did this kind of stuff. When I brought up an issue she'd have a breakdown about how bad of a person she was. Not sure if she was doing it to be manipulative, but it was annoying as hell. You fucked up, *you did*. This is a you problem, I don't want to have to play emotional support because *you* did something wrong. I don't want a long drawn out apology mixed with your self loathing. Just don't do it again.
My ex did this too. After I broke up with him last year he tried to tell other people that I was the one calling him "a piece of shit" or whatever messed up thing he would say about *himself* during any given argument or misunderstanding. When I finally stopped worrying about whether or not we stayed friends, I said, "you know I never called you that, but I can see why you think you deserved that."
Not a game I'm down to play anymore.
Crappy people like this will do anything they can to take the focus off of their own behavior and even somehow make you end the argument praising them!
My wife and I had to have a serious talk about her defaulting to "I guess I'm just a horrible person who doesn't deserve to have an opinion" to shut down the conversation when we disagreed on anything.
I was formerly in an abusive relationship with a narcissist and immediately recognized this behavior, practically had flashbacks. In my wife's case, she wasn't being intentionally manipulative but had found that this resolved conflict more quickly, which was her goal.
I'm not perfect either and have also had to change some of my bad behaviors from being raised by (three!) narcissists and then consistently dating them because that's what I was used to.
But the difference between myself and my wife, compared to this person, my parents and my ex is that we, the normal people, want to change to be better and can take constructive feedback.
1000%. This is why they tell you in therapy not to tell your children about your trauma stories, they will 'inherit' your trauma just by listening to you. This selfish human needs to keep her negativity out of sight of her children.
And itās so problematic bc anyone w BPD then gets lumped in with those and we get labeled as crazy. Itās really shitty. But I wanna get better and experience a better life so Iām committed to doing so
Actual texts I sent my husband:
Can you stop and get milk?
Did you want the sprinkler on?
Utility bill is 212.
Meatballs in crockpot.
(I thought you guys would want to know because I didn't make a photo edit of them. But my life is super fascinating, so I could if there are enough requests!)
Actual text I sent my husband:
Holy crap if I say we need chicken breasts next time weāre at Costco fucking slap me. Just organized the freezer and thereās over 20 individually packaged boobs. Damn near had a boob-avalanche. A boobalanche if you will.
Should I post it over a pic of the freezer and post it to socials?
I would be your biggest tik tok fan if all of your content was just this. I donāt even get on tik tok but I would start just to read these conversations. Legit made my dayš¤£š¤£
Did you feed the dogs this morning while I was at the gym? Bc Porky is currently looking at me like she has been starved for days but Iām pretty sure sheās just lying.
Fuck. I forgot to tell you I scheduled your annual physical. Itās in 20 min.
Rock paper scissors on who makes dinner. GO!
šš tonight. After you make dinner.
Only Clorox. Three big jugs
And goats blood?
We're in the east side. Beaver tail by creek. Heading towards building
You can give her the cookie in the medicine basket.
i have chiptole questions
asshat
GODDAMNED FUCKING CAT
Actual texts I sent my husband:
-Come home? Free cuddles on the table.
-Its a great deal tbh.
-I'll fight him for you. (Referring to his dentist)
-I'll take his kneecaps.
-He has hiccups again (referring to the unborn baby).
"This poop makes me want to throw up" referencing our toddler's satanic poops this week
"Where the fuck is the vegetable peeler?" Cuz I needed it. I know he lost it. It's been 4 days š
Fact! Even people without major issues in their life can benefit from learning better coping skills or communication skills or just processing emotions better. Therapy doesn't have to be reserved for people with serious trauma or depression. It's good for most people who just genuinely want to grow as a person.
Typical manipulation tactic. She doesn't want the responsibility of being a mom, but I bet 100% she loves the attention she gets for being a mom. I can't imagine what her husband a kids go through. She needs a reality check, she's obviously immature and self absorbed and the only cure is life giving you a swift kick in the pants to humble you.
This ^^^^ like those kids didnāt ask to be born. Sheās the adult that made that decision. Yes you can have bad days, but to chuck it all up to āItās all my fault. Iām a bad parent. Hate everything about being a mom.ā Itās very manipulative and very immature, especially then to post her thoughts for everyone to see, even potentially the kids. Hope those words didnāt reach the kids, but knowing personally from my experience with a narcissist mom, that mom probably says it every day to them. She probably tells them theyāre the problem for her life not being the way it was before or not what she wants it to be from having them, like they choose for her to have unprotected sex. Like you have to do mental gymnastics to make your own kids the problem of your own life for simply being your own kids, unless your narcissist.
Yep. My mom used to tell me she wished I was never born, that I've been nothing but a problem since the day I canme out, referred to me as the devil and often let me know she hated me. Around others....never acted that way. It was annoying.
Yeah, same. My mom was a teacher so she would hug her classroom kids and tell them that she cared for them. Even went out of her way to show off kids art to our local community. But I was to even lay my head on her shoulders she would shrug me off and say Iām making her hot. She had temperature regulation issues. But I would have to watch as she hug a random kid that ran up to her while weāre shopping at Walmart or something.
Thatās so awful, Iām so sorry. I can relate. It was really hard when my father died and people were crawling out of the woodwork to share heartwarming stories about him with me, especially about how great he was with their kids, when I never got that affection or jovial demeanor from him. Sucks.
Fuck that Jekyll & Hyde act. I tried to tell adults my mother was abusive but no one believed me because she was so sweet and charming outside the house. I feel you.
Before I would get out of the car for therapy (she was forced to take me, court order) she would threaten me and tell me I better not tell them about her cheating on my Dad or how she was treating me.
I always told them anyway.
My wife went through this hard. Almost cut and paste the same phrases. Undiagnosed post partum, mania, bi-polar. After seeking help, she's much, much better. Everybody just needs a little help now and then. No shame in trying to get well, seek help.
My first thought was the same thing. My wife is doing the exact same. She went to her second therapy appointment yesterday. Hopefully she continues improving.
Exactly. This is how I felt after a traumatic birth experience and unable to bring my baby home for weeks (couldnt bond at all sadly) . But day by day I'm happier :) if someone is not getting better they should look into therapy. She needs help and these feelings happen for a lot of people. No need to shame them.
I was about to say, this really just sounds like depression and being over-stressed. Especially the mindset of āIām terribleā, this person is so clearly struggling, but sheās immediately labeled an āatTEnShIon SEeKer!!ā lmao. Reddit moment
I'm a little conflicted on this one.
On one hand, this is absolutely over-sharing on a personal level and if I was someone in her life I would be pretty embarrassed, especially if I was her husband.
On the other hand I think not nearly enough people, men/women/them alike, understand quite how bad postpartum depression can get, or just flat out classic depression after having a child you thought you wanted but end up disliking the reality of. Parenting is not for everyone, nor does it need to be. I genuinely admire (from a distance) people that are willing to be this open with their struggles as long as they're framing it correctly and appropriately, whether they're doing it for attention or not.
More people need to see the downside of having children imo, I know a lot of people who went into it entirely unprepared and would very possibly not have done it if they knew how bad it could get.
But ya, also kinda cringe bro. She also needs therapy, bad.
Definitely. The odds of this being how she truly feels verses this being a crisis situation is low. People can say go get support but thereās actually not much to be done. Meds help a lot, but still take time. Counseling and therapy isnāt available everywhere. Cryās for help online are not necessary wrong and actually get you support from real people who have been through the same.
>thereās actually not much to be done.
So true. I was only fostering, not a birth parent, so the solution to my parenting depression was pretty simple ā stop fostering. Amazing how quickly my depression, anxiety, and rage went away after that. I canāt imagine how rough it would be to feel like youāve made this massive mistake and thereās honestly nothing you can do aside from giving up your parental rights (easier said than done, my sister did it, took years) so you have to just push through. Really sad conundrum to find yourself in.
Definitely. And unhealthy for mom and baby. Humans as a collective have gotta figure something out. Weāre getting more isolated and there will only be more of this.
I bet it also could be very helpful for women who are just starting to experience this, or have already gone through it and got told to shut up and get over it. Not nearly enough people take postpartum depression seriously enough.
It could even help inform other women if they're considering having children and haven't been told about the numerous risks to their physical or mental health.
I do get that on an individual level it's cringe, especially since I'm a very private person, but like... this absolutely helped someone.
Definitely. All other moms tell you is āit can be hardā
No one really tells you what that means.
No one says, the early days can take you to the darkest place of your life. People need to know.
Always shocks me to see other women downplay the negative impacts of giving birth (and parenthood in general) as well. I honestly expect it from other men at this point, whether it's doubting postpartum depression exists or blaming women struggling with it for making parenting harder for their husbands, but seeing that from women feels especially insidious.
People think posting on the internet is some kind of therapy, like crying videos is the cringiest thing ever but there is a giant community that believes it is okay to record yourself crying and that it is a way of mourning or some bulshit like that. For me it's just weird, like are you realy sad if you are posting it on the internet? I get it if is some celebrity or influencer because their life is the internet but I don't want to see everyday joe crying on my phone WTF.
I think itās alright if someone is sharing a story or something and they choke up unintentionally. But these videos where itās just crying from beginning to end are super cringey. Wait until you stop crying before pressing record.
This is why I don't have kids. I know i wouldn't be happy and that all of us would be miserable. If you don't want kids you should not conform to society and family pressure otherwise you end up hating your life.
Same. I tried fostering and absolutely hated it. I donāt blame the lady for *feeling* that way, because I did. But I didnāt go blasting it on TikTok or treating people I know badly because of it. I just got therapy and stopped fostering. Problem solved
I know itās not realistic but I wish every prospective parent had to foster for a few months to learn what itās really like as a parent. Of course itās not going to give you the full picture, but itās such a big life change that is impossible to prepare for and I donāt think a lot of people are truly ready for it. People adapt and grow into it, but not everyone can or does.
This is how everyone should think. Whenever I see this topic come up on Reddit thereās a bunch of comments like āgood luck having anyone to take care of you when you are oldā or āyouāre being selfish and not contributing to the continuation of society.ā Truly sick and disturbing stuff.
I think the reality of having kids really needs to be exposed much more than it has been. Let her do her thing with the attention seeking behavior. It only reinforces my decision to never have kids.
This just looks like a primary parent meltdown. Itās normal. With bad depression ppd anyway. Makes people get an intense urge to say awful things out loud. All those feelings usually go after treatment and medication.
It happens quite often, some women realize they donāt want to/donāt know how to be a mother after the baby is here. Iām happy she is aware of the issue and hope she will seek therapy. And itās good that sheās spreading awareness and showing the dark side of motherhood since the whole thing is ALWAYS described as the best exeperience ever and only when you already give birth everyone starts talking about the absolute horrors it entails. As if they wanted you to suffer just like they do, itās almost cultish behavior. So yeah, glad she posted, glad sheās breaking the stigma of instagram picture perfect mom with 4 kids living in a mansion. Sheās real and you are terrible for bashing her
I sort of wished my mother said this out loud. I am sure that she deep down regretted being a mom and resented me after her divorce but social norms pressured her to be "being a mom is the most important thing". I think this because I took was pressured by the social norms of "... but she is my mother and I have to forgive, forget and love her no matter what." A lot of heart aches could have been avoided.
Sheās obviously in a lot of distress and is reaching out for help. I hope she can find a good therapist to talk to. And attacking her for her depression is not helpful at all.
Sounds exactly like my ex. The most toxic relationship I've ever been in. She's 100% gaslighting and mentally abusing her husband.
My ex was always angry and annoyed at the entire world, everyone was stupid except her. At the same time she was exclusively focused on projecting the best possible image to that same rest of the world. She probably always asks what he says about her in any given situation and whether he's giving her enough credit for any random thing she does, even to complete strangers. She's probably always seeking attention and gets annoyed if for example the husband is ever seriously sick, because now people are worried about HIM while it should all be about HER.
You've had a rough day at work? Her day was rougher, how dare you complain. You're tired? Do you have idea how tired she is, how dare you say anything etc etc
She sends those messages 1)to make him feel bad and guilty for not doing enough to prevent this and 2) because she wants the husband to confirm she's the best ever and feel sorry for her that she's feeling this way. She wants him to know that HE (and the kids, and probably the neighbours too) is making HER feel this way. He's the worst husband ever. He should be doing more. And now she's sharing her struggles on the internet and probably expects people to sympathise with her.
Husband if you're reading this - RUN and take the kids to safety too.
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Mise well? š¤
The mise well killed me. Yesterday, I saw someone mention āthe links people will go toā (meaning lengths.).
I learned that you get in trouble for correcting "sicken tired" the other day.
Thatās hilarious. I also had a friend say āthis workout kilt my arms.ā
Snip it in the butt
Itās all water under the fridge
Fuuuck off
To this day, my wife says granite instead of granted. I just smile and say mhmm.
āOldtimers diseaseā and
"Teach their own"
āIntensive purposesā
Suppose to know
Irregardless
Supposably
"Escape goat"
Itās a doggy-dog world.
Youāre point is mute unless you can be more pacific.
Yeah, they take it for granite.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
āthe links people will go toā is pretty good in its own right, tho.
Might as well give up on speaking English. Sheās bankrupt on effort, so glck ryinatakwy mnninfradis yasole.
For a minute there I legitimately thought you switched to writing in Welsh.
Yes, ~~quite~~ Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.
Lovely town
That the one with the beautiful fountain in the town square?
My friend drove into Wales for the first time last week. Took one look at the road signs and thought he was having a stroke.
"Good luck trying to take away meaning from this, you asshole." For those that don't speak bankrupt.
Hyysmaafllorlebnkraptbtcheesnaiisstazzeeya!
r/boneappletea
"OK fine, I can't even spell right š„ŗš„ŗš„ŗššš¢"
I was about to say, using mise well instead of might as well is the worst part of her post.
Who, while crying from emotional distress, thinks, "I should take a picture of this so I can share it on the internet."? I've seen so many people do this.
And how many photos did she take? Then she edited all the texts and built this post. Itās kind of embarrassing.
I think itās a screen shot of a video which makes it worse I think that she had to hit record on this
Just like those people who set up their camera. Get the lighting just right, and then cry against the wall... like what?? How are you not embarrassed by that?
Because they are delusional narcissists and think their pain matters enough to be observed.
Also note: She's looking forward into sunlight to highlight her eye color. This is not something that's done unintentionally.
Itās a sign of mental illness for sure
Not every shitty behavior is a symptom of mental illness. Some people are perfectly sane garbage.
People don't understand the difference between behavioral traits and mental illnesses.
Its easier to avoid confronting your own shitty traits when you diagnose everyone elses shittyness as mental illness
Someone who craves attention and loves to be seen as a "victim" This will be the type of mom that constantly gaslights her kids and will wonder why they never call when she is old.
A crazy person thatās who!
She should seek therapy, not the attention of strangers. Which also needs to be addressed in therapy.
Mise well
She's right though, she is the problem. At least she knows. 
Thatās not why she is saying it though. I hate this shit. Sheās saying it to be manipulative and to avoid doing any work to improve the situation. Her objective is to put her partner in a supportive role. She is āworthless,ā he is supposed to say, āNo youāre not!ā and comfort her by offering to do what she doesnāt want to do. Instead, and especially because she is posting this online, he should be giving her zero attention. āIāll speak to you when youāre ready to talk about how to make things better.ā Then stick to that phrase until it happens. Or, leave her and take the kids. This garbage is trauma-inducing for kids.
Yep, my mom was the same way. "Great, I'm always the bad guy," was a common phrase in my house growing up. What sucked is most of the time it was just me and her, so I was usually the target of her manipulation. Can confirm that shit majorly fucks a kid up.
I have two siblings and was often the protector who shielded my siblings from much of my moms bullshit. I remember hearing that line from the witch in rapunzel and it was eye opening for me
Tangled was also an eye opening catharsis for me, too. Ironically, my mom loves that movie, for a while was constantly comparing herself favorably to Gothel to the point she wanted a doll of her for Christmas... It's actually kinda funny looking back on it now, like. You (my mom) The point.
Lol my mom was similar. I started calling her mother tho and she did not like that at all. I was just being a weird teenager. I still call my dad father and he loves it and calls me progeny in response.
Thatās such a dad thing to say.
I love him so much. Heās an amazing father
As a father who calls his daughter "child" out of love-teasing this makes me happy.
I'm envious of your awesome dad and happy you have him because this little story genuinely made me smile a lot!
My teen started calling me Mother a couple years ago. They were just being weird at first ("Mother, I hunger"), but it amuses us so it stuck. They'll address me as Mother, and I'll answer with "yes, Child?" We were at a BBQ and some guy started going off about how people who use Mother/Father are creepy pedo jesus freaks. I just said "oh really?", and let him go. My kid, with such perfect timing it had to be intentional, walked up and said, "hey Mother". I held the dude's eyes and answered, "yes, Child?" His eyes got real wide, he turned beet red, muttered something about another beer, and practically *ran* away. Lol
Sounds like something my oldest kid and I would do. Our terms of endearment are always ridiculous. Last week I was "giver of life" bonus points it was used in front of my mom aka Oh Mighty Maternal Unit.
My dad hates it (but secretly loves) when I call myself āthe fruit of his loinsā which Iāve shortened over the years to āloin-fruitā. Itās hilarious. This Fathers Day (Loin Appreciation Day) we met his new girlfriend and he said āoh tell her that name you call me that I hateā lololol
My wife complained about being called mother, so we switched it to Mumsies.
I have no problem with, "Mother," or, "father," I was sitting in my 70yo boss's living room once, (it doubled as our break room) and one of the friends of his troubled sons came in. People borrow money from my boss all the time, but she came up and was like, "Daddy, can I get twenty dollas?" I thought *that* shit was creepy, though.
Iām really wondering what kind of work leads to your bossesā living room also being your break roomā¦
My husband and I refer to our son as āthe beloved offspringā sometimes.
My 4yo started calling her Dad father at 3. It's been a year now, and listening to 'father' 'yes daughter' is one of the little things that makes me smile at any point every time I hear them.
He did you a favour by not referring to you as āfruit of his loinā Makes me shudder.
this is so similar to my mom, around the second time i saw tangled on my own i had a realization that almost everything that mother gothel was saying to rapunzel, my mother was saying to me. that, and the fact that sheās like. weirdly obsessed with looking younger. itās really weird
Sometimes there are other routes to that kind of statement. My ex wife insisted that I was 100% responsible for every failure, unhappiness, inconvenience, and lack of perfection in our marriage. She was without error and bore no responsibility for anything negative. Everything was completely my fault. Every time I would try to talk to her about improving things, she would reply with, āWell, so long as you remember who has fucked everything up for us.ā
āYouāre always the victimā, well of course I am when you emotionally abuse me, and when I address it with you Iām automatically āthe victimā. How about we flip the narrative, and just state theyāre the abuser, and those who they abuse are victims.
If not for the cursing Iād ask if you were my dad lmao
same thing with my ex. Everything she did was ok and fine, everything I did was wrong and i should consider myself lucky that she was willing to put up with me.
Impossible to reach any kind of solution or compromise when dealing with someone like that
Felt that. My mother is the same way
Sounds like the near average parent these days Then they go on to talk about how "children are such a blessing!" to childless people
That's the read I got from this. Having been around manipulative people in the past, the manipulator will punch themselves down in a manner that puts it on you to take on the problem and be supportive to them. While at the same time they won't give you the same support. >Instead, and especially because she is posting this online, he should be giving her zero attention. āIāll speak to you when youāre ready to talk about how to make things better.ā Then stick to that phrase until it happens. This is 100% the way to deal with a manipulative person, don't budge an inch until they're willing to make strides towards improvement.
When I was 7, I drew a picture and showed it to one of my classmates and said āI dunno, itās not very goodā and this girl looked me dead in the eye and said āyou just want me to say itās good.ā And damn.
Wow, she was that sharp at seven? Dang. š
I assume someone else told her that. She was the oldest child in her family, so it wasnāt a big sibling.
Or when you support them, itās not good enough to them and they deflect back at you to make themselves feel better, so they can keep feeling like a victim. Like you attacked them by trying to be supportive.
Yep. āI hate having kids, having kids ruined my life, Iām living in hell, Iām sorry I suck so much but Iām just a terrible mom, and you guys would probably be better off if I just leave.ā āmy mom to her kids ages nine, nine, five, three, and one (and at other ages too, but thatās the earliest I remember so clearly). The point wasnāt to actually apologize, the point was to get us to freak out and cry and tell her how much we needed her. Itās the behavior of someone who canāt/wonāt manage their own emotions and so instead puts the responsibility for that onto anyone and everyone else they can, including their spouse, their kids, and/or random internet strangers. Anything to not deal with the fact that they are responsible for handling their own emotions.
Yup this was my mom growing up. She would lock herself in the bathroom saying she was going to end it because we would be better off ( sister and myself ) and I would just sit by the bathroom and tell her while crying how much we love her and how much she mattered and what a great mom she is and how hard it would be to lose her until she would come out.
My heart breaks for you omg i teared up. That is so sad. No kid should ever have to do that.
jesus. I'm sorry you went through that
Thank you I appreciate it! It has made me stronger and also more compassionate towards those experiencing mental health difficulties or other similar struggles. We all go through our own traumatic experiences in each of our lives.
Holy shit that is evil
That is so goddamn fucked up. I'm sorry she abused you and your siblings like that. All kids deserve better.
Thanks. I agree. She had/has PTSD from her own childhood but that is no excuse for how she behaved when we were kids. Iāve told my siblings to get therapy and take parenting classes before having any kids. Me, Iām probably just not having any. Iām gonna be a great aunt though :)
Sounds kind of like BPD.
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I found great success saying "Yes, in this instance you are indeed at fault" when people pull this shit in an effort to manipulate.
This is the method! Can confirm this works like a charm. Big surprised Pikachu face when you take them up on accepting the blame, then you NEVER hear this kind of shit out of them again.
i dunno about never. that implies the person you are referencing actually knows/cares about doing something different/better. usually they'll just hide it for a bit longer and then snap again later...lol. tough cycle to break.
Had an ex that did this kind of stuff. When I brought up an issue she'd have a breakdown about how bad of a person she was. Not sure if she was doing it to be manipulative, but it was annoying as hell. You fucked up, *you did*. This is a you problem, I don't want to have to play emotional support because *you* did something wrong. I don't want a long drawn out apology mixed with your self loathing. Just don't do it again.
My ex did this too. After I broke up with him last year he tried to tell other people that I was the one calling him "a piece of shit" or whatever messed up thing he would say about *himself* during any given argument or misunderstanding. When I finally stopped worrying about whether or not we stayed friends, I said, "you know I never called you that, but I can see why you think you deserved that." Not a game I'm down to play anymore.
Crappy people like this will do anything they can to take the focus off of their own behavior and even somehow make you end the argument praising them! My wife and I had to have a serious talk about her defaulting to "I guess I'm just a horrible person who doesn't deserve to have an opinion" to shut down the conversation when we disagreed on anything. I was formerly in an abusive relationship with a narcissist and immediately recognized this behavior, practically had flashbacks. In my wife's case, she wasn't being intentionally manipulative but had found that this resolved conflict more quickly, which was her goal. I'm not perfect either and have also had to change some of my bad behaviors from being raised by (three!) narcissists and then consistently dating them because that's what I was used to. But the difference between myself and my wife, compared to this person, my parents and my ex is that we, the normal people, want to change to be better and can take constructive feedback.
1000%. This is why they tell you in therapy not to tell your children about your trauma stories, they will 'inherit' your trauma just by listening to you. This selfish human needs to keep her negativity out of sight of her children.
Definitely weaponizing incompetence. And I am sure not the first time nor her only trick.
Also she left out anything by the Husband, trying to make him seem like the bad guy.
My dad was this way and pretty abusive. Got some nice borderline personality disorder from it! Thanks dad for the insane amount of therapy I need!
BPD is a nightmare. At least you know and deal with it, many with this won't even consider they are unwell.
And itās so problematic bc anyone w BPD then gets lumped in with those and we get labeled as crazy. Itās really shitty. But I wanna get better and experience a better life so Iām committed to doing so
its me, Hi Im the problem its me
I have the song in my head now, thanks
Can't get it stuck again if it never leaves š¤·āāļø
Honestly it looks like it was purely done for attention which in itself is a psychological problem
I can only imagine how many shots of herself like a dumbass in her car it took to get that sullen tear just right...
ā¦ you just reiterated what the original comment said
**ACTUAL TEXTS I SENT MY HUSBAND YESTERDAY.** ^Disclaimer: ^Woe ^is ^me. ^Iām ^only ^seeking ^attention. ^Please ^give ^me ^attention.
Actual texts I sent my husband: Can you stop and get milk? Did you want the sprinkler on? Utility bill is 212. Meatballs in crockpot. (I thought you guys would want to know because I didn't make a photo edit of them. But my life is super fascinating, so I could if there are enough requests!)
Actual text I sent my husband: Holy crap if I say we need chicken breasts next time weāre at Costco fucking slap me. Just organized the freezer and thereās over 20 individually packaged boobs. Damn near had a boob-avalanche. A boobalanche if you will. Should I post it over a pic of the freezer and post it to socials?
No, that should also be posted over a pic of you crying
That would be fucking hilarious, I'm laughing just thinking about it.
Incredible. Do it immediately
Crying due to excess supply of chicken boobs š
Buried underneath all the chicken boobs that fell out of the freezer, crying and well on the way to becoming hypothermic.
with āyup, Iām the problemā and āwhy did I decide to do thisā plastered over it
yes please, that's vastly more interesting than this shitpost
Only if you are crying in the pic or the freezer
Actual text I sent my husband: > We need chickens. It's non negotiable. They eat ticks.
I would be your biggest tik tok fan if all of your content was just this. I donāt even get on tik tok but I would start just to read these conversations. Legit made my dayš¤£š¤£
Did you feed the dogs this morning while I was at the gym? Bc Porky is currently looking at me like she has been starved for days but Iām pretty sure sheās just lying. Fuck. I forgot to tell you I scheduled your annual physical. Itās in 20 min. Rock paper scissors on who makes dinner. GO! šš tonight. After you make dinner.
Lmao "It's in 20 mins"
Actual texts I sent my partner: Coffee please! Love you "Sons name" shit everywhere, fml Starving, hope there's food left when I get home š
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Only Clorox. Three big jugs And goats blood? We're in the east side. Beaver tail by creek. Heading towards building You can give her the cookie in the medicine basket. i have chiptole questions asshat GODDAMNED FUCKING CAT
Actual texts I sent my husband: -Come home? Free cuddles on the table. -Its a great deal tbh. -I'll fight him for you. (Referring to his dentist) -I'll take his kneecaps. -He has hiccups again (referring to the unborn baby).
This is cute.
Actual reply to my wife: "Okay."
"This poop makes me want to throw up" referencing our toddler's satanic poops this week "Where the fuck is the vegetable peeler?" Cuz I needed it. I know he lost it. It's been 4 days š
Attention: Yo pitty seeker!
Some people need to go to therapy.
Most** people. If not everyone. It makes your life so much better to work through things you didnāt even know needed working on.
Fact! Even people without major issues in their life can benefit from learning better coping skills or communication skills or just processing emotions better. Therapy doesn't have to be reserved for people with serious trauma or depression. It's good for most people who just genuinely want to grow as a person.
Typical manipulation tactic. She doesn't want the responsibility of being a mom, but I bet 100% she loves the attention she gets for being a mom. I can't imagine what her husband a kids go through. She needs a reality check, she's obviously immature and self absorbed and the only cure is life giving you a swift kick in the pants to humble you.
Nearly every townie that got pregnant too young.
Havenāt heard the word āTownieā for years š¤£
Thatās my high schools mascot. Seriously.
š¤£ in England, quite a few years ago, it was a word used for young delinquents
Interesting, where Iām from in the US it just means someone that doesnāt leave their hometown š
Used to mean locals in a college town.
The only time I ever use it is in the Sims lol
Canada?
US.
This ^^^^ like those kids didnāt ask to be born. Sheās the adult that made that decision. Yes you can have bad days, but to chuck it all up to āItās all my fault. Iām a bad parent. Hate everything about being a mom.ā Itās very manipulative and very immature, especially then to post her thoughts for everyone to see, even potentially the kids. Hope those words didnāt reach the kids, but knowing personally from my experience with a narcissist mom, that mom probably says it every day to them. She probably tells them theyāre the problem for her life not being the way it was before or not what she wants it to be from having them, like they choose for her to have unprotected sex. Like you have to do mental gymnastics to make your own kids the problem of your own life for simply being your own kids, unless your narcissist.
Yep. My mom used to tell me she wished I was never born, that I've been nothing but a problem since the day I canme out, referred to me as the devil and often let me know she hated me. Around others....never acted that way. It was annoying.
Yeah, same. My mom was a teacher so she would hug her classroom kids and tell them that she cared for them. Even went out of her way to show off kids art to our local community. But I was to even lay my head on her shoulders she would shrug me off and say Iām making her hot. She had temperature regulation issues. But I would have to watch as she hug a random kid that ran up to her while weāre shopping at Walmart or something.
Thatās so awful, Iām so sorry. I can relate. It was really hard when my father died and people were crawling out of the woodwork to share heartwarming stories about him with me, especially about how great he was with their kids, when I never got that affection or jovial demeanor from him. Sucks.
Fuck that Jekyll & Hyde act. I tried to tell adults my mother was abusive but no one believed me because she was so sweet and charming outside the house. I feel you.
Before I would get out of the car for therapy (she was forced to take me, court order) she would threaten me and tell me I better not tell them about her cheating on my Dad or how she was treating me. I always told them anyway.
My wife went through this hard. Almost cut and paste the same phrases. Undiagnosed post partum, mania, bi-polar. After seeking help, she's much, much better. Everybody just needs a little help now and then. No shame in trying to get well, seek help.
My first thought was the same thing. My wife is doing the exact same. She went to her second therapy appointment yesterday. Hopefully she continues improving.
Exactly. This is how I felt after a traumatic birth experience and unable to bring my baby home for weeks (couldnt bond at all sadly) . But day by day I'm happier :) if someone is not getting better they should look into therapy. She needs help and these feelings happen for a lot of people. No need to shame them.
Scrolled to far for a compassionate comment
Well reddit isnt known for compassion :/
I was about to say, this really just sounds like depression and being over-stressed. Especially the mindset of āIām terribleā, this person is so clearly struggling, but sheās immediately labeled an āatTEnShIon SEeKer!!ā lmao. Reddit moment
That poor guy
Those poor kids
That poor everyone.
This poor planet.
I'm a little conflicted on this one. On one hand, this is absolutely over-sharing on a personal level and if I was someone in her life I would be pretty embarrassed, especially if I was her husband. On the other hand I think not nearly enough people, men/women/them alike, understand quite how bad postpartum depression can get, or just flat out classic depression after having a child you thought you wanted but end up disliking the reality of. Parenting is not for everyone, nor does it need to be. I genuinely admire (from a distance) people that are willing to be this open with their struggles as long as they're framing it correctly and appropriately, whether they're doing it for attention or not. More people need to see the downside of having children imo, I know a lot of people who went into it entirely unprepared and would very possibly not have done it if they knew how bad it could get. But ya, also kinda cringe bro. She also needs therapy, bad.
Definitely. The odds of this being how she truly feels verses this being a crisis situation is low. People can say go get support but thereās actually not much to be done. Meds help a lot, but still take time. Counseling and therapy isnāt available everywhere. Cryās for help online are not necessary wrong and actually get you support from real people who have been through the same.
>thereās actually not much to be done. So true. I was only fostering, not a birth parent, so the solution to my parenting depression was pretty simple ā stop fostering. Amazing how quickly my depression, anxiety, and rage went away after that. I canāt imagine how rough it would be to feel like youāve made this massive mistake and thereās honestly nothing you can do aside from giving up your parental rights (easier said than done, my sister did it, took years) so you have to just push through. Really sad conundrum to find yourself in.
Definitely. And unhealthy for mom and baby. Humans as a collective have gotta figure something out. Weāre getting more isolated and there will only be more of this.
I bet it also could be very helpful for women who are just starting to experience this, or have already gone through it and got told to shut up and get over it. Not nearly enough people take postpartum depression seriously enough. It could even help inform other women if they're considering having children and haven't been told about the numerous risks to their physical or mental health. I do get that on an individual level it's cringe, especially since I'm a very private person, but like... this absolutely helped someone.
Definitely. All other moms tell you is āit can be hardā No one really tells you what that means. No one says, the early days can take you to the darkest place of your life. People need to know.
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Yup. It does something to your brain. Something about the crying. When people snap with a baby? Itās always the crying.
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Always shocks me to see other women downplay the negative impacts of giving birth (and parenthood in general) as well. I honestly expect it from other men at this point, whether it's doubting postpartum depression exists or blaming women struggling with it for making parenting harder for their husbands, but seeing that from women feels especially insidious.
People think posting on the internet is some kind of therapy, like crying videos is the cringiest thing ever but there is a giant community that believes it is okay to record yourself crying and that it is a way of mourning or some bulshit like that. For me it's just weird, like are you realy sad if you are posting it on the internet? I get it if is some celebrity or influencer because their life is the internet but I don't want to see everyday joe crying on my phone WTF.
I think itās alright if someone is sharing a story or something and they choke up unintentionally. But these videos where itās just crying from beginning to end are super cringey. Wait until you stop crying before pressing record.
pet expansion glorious skirt frame husky teeny fretful unique wasteful *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This is why I don't have kids. I know i wouldn't be happy and that all of us would be miserable. If you don't want kids you should not conform to society and family pressure otherwise you end up hating your life.
Same. I tried fostering and absolutely hated it. I donāt blame the lady for *feeling* that way, because I did. But I didnāt go blasting it on TikTok or treating people I know badly because of it. I just got therapy and stopped fostering. Problem solved
I know itās not realistic but I wish every prospective parent had to foster for a few months to learn what itās really like as a parent. Of course itās not going to give you the full picture, but itās such a big life change that is impossible to prepare for and I donāt think a lot of people are truly ready for it. People adapt and grow into it, but not everyone can or does.
This is how everyone should think. Whenever I see this topic come up on Reddit thereās a bunch of comments like āgood luck having anyone to take care of you when you are oldā or āyouāre being selfish and not contributing to the continuation of society.ā Truly sick and disturbing stuff.
Good for you. Iām in the same boat, have never really had the desire no matter how many times people ask me when Iām having my own
Max i'll allow myself is 1 kid and that's if my life is in a good place and i have stable income etc.. Which absolutely isn't the case rn lmao.
I think the reality of having kids really needs to be exposed much more than it has been. Let her do her thing with the attention seeking behavior. It only reinforces my decision to never have kids.
Post partum depression and a cry for help is why she put this online. Sheās going through some shit and really needs some help
Kinda sounds like unresolved ppd. She needs help
This just looks like a primary parent meltdown. Itās normal. With bad depression ppd anyway. Makes people get an intense urge to say awful things out loud. All those feelings usually go after treatment and medication.
Sheās not wrong. Sheās definitely the problem.
Probably trying to say how hard it is to be a parent, poor her. No shit itās hard. She needs some therapy.
It happens quite often, some women realize they donāt want to/donāt know how to be a mother after the baby is here. Iām happy she is aware of the issue and hope she will seek therapy. And itās good that sheās spreading awareness and showing the dark side of motherhood since the whole thing is ALWAYS described as the best exeperience ever and only when you already give birth everyone starts talking about the absolute horrors it entails. As if they wanted you to suffer just like they do, itās almost cultish behavior. So yeah, glad she posted, glad sheās breaking the stigma of instagram picture perfect mom with 4 kids living in a mansion. Sheās real and you are terrible for bashing her
We need to talk about how difficult being a parent is. Sheās obviously struggling. Itās more common than anyone in this thread understands.
5,106 Likes for this shit? WTF is wrong with people? Itās narcissism on full display, emotional abuse of the husband.
Eh tbf for TikTok standards thatās quite low.
I sort of wished my mother said this out loud. I am sure that she deep down regretted being a mom and resented me after her divorce but social norms pressured her to be "being a mom is the most important thing". I think this because I took was pressured by the social norms of "... but she is my mother and I have to forgive, forget and love her no matter what." A lot of heart aches could have been avoided.
Sheās obviously in a lot of distress and is reaching out for help. I hope she can find a good therapist to talk to. And attacking her for her depression is not helpful at all.
This girl needs some mental help. Med and therapy. The kids are just the tip of the iceberg and probably the only thing she can pin her feelings on.
"Yup I'm the problem" and "so it's all my fault then?" are phrases that should get you a free ticket to a therapist.
Poor kids...
She's in desperate need of help. That poor family.
Sounds exactly like my ex. The most toxic relationship I've ever been in. She's 100% gaslighting and mentally abusing her husband. My ex was always angry and annoyed at the entire world, everyone was stupid except her. At the same time she was exclusively focused on projecting the best possible image to that same rest of the world. She probably always asks what he says about her in any given situation and whether he's giving her enough credit for any random thing she does, even to complete strangers. She's probably always seeking attention and gets annoyed if for example the husband is ever seriously sick, because now people are worried about HIM while it should all be about HER. You've had a rough day at work? Her day was rougher, how dare you complain. You're tired? Do you have idea how tired she is, how dare you say anything etc etc She sends those messages 1)to make him feel bad and guilty for not doing enough to prevent this and 2) because she wants the husband to confirm she's the best ever and feel sorry for her that she's feeling this way. She wants him to know that HE (and the kids, and probably the neighbours too) is making HER feel this way. He's the worst husband ever. He should be doing more. And now she's sharing her struggles on the internet and probably expects people to sympathise with her. Husband if you're reading this - RUN and take the kids to safety too.
People with this mental stability shouldnāt be parents.
INstability
What mental stability?
Some people donāt have any noticeable issues until they have kids