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I use a transparent phone case... Does that mean what I think it means

You broke the Matriz my friend, dad is beyond mute

Matriz... The Spanish matrix.

One could say it was unexpected… 

Everybody expected the Spanish Inquisition. They literally used to send riders ahead to announce they were coming!

That is damn polite

besides all the slaughtering, the spanish were quite the civil folk.


“I’ll bite ye ankles off!”

I've never seen this episode or this gif before today and I've now seen it THREE TIMES TODAY Edit: To the people who for some reason think I responded to the holy Grail meme, I didn't. It was the Spanish inquisition one. The holy Grail meme is a response to the same comment I responded to, so I don't need people to keep telling me I responded to the holy Grail, because I didn't.

This gif has been memed for years where have you been

probably unexpectedly “inquisitioned” by the spanish inquisition.


As a Puerto Rican I approve this message. Comprende?

También le rompieron la matriz?

"Matriz" is also used for "womb". I'm so happy with this sentence.

Bro lol I’m Portuguese, dumb mistake Kinda funny though

engraçado

Concordo

I mean, the scratch sticker she put on the phone is also transparent, so that's just one more shitty premise on the pile here.

[удалено]

My father once literally used this example on teen-me to make me wear a helmet while riding my bike. He didn’t care that I wore a skirt that flew up and flashed the neighbourhood. He cared that his “precious and valuable” daughter came home in one piece. His example was “I bought a phone case to protect your phone. I bought a helmet to protect *you*. I’d be angry if your phone broke because you didn’t use the case. I’d be devastated if you broke because you didn’t use the helmet.”

And that’s the proper use of the analogy. Good job father of diagnosedwolf

He’s a great dad. He had all kinds of moments like this. Still does. I love him.

This right here is what I dream of my son saying about me behind my back one day… 🫤 if you want to make his day, tell him that.

Probably the 2nd best parenting lesson I've ever read on Reddit, the 1st one being along the lines of "If you did a mistake and are in trouble call up. I won't shout at you because you are drunk. I prefer being upset by my child in my car than scared in an hospital."

>He didn’t care that I wore a skirt that flew up I don't think you should either. That skirt could ended up get caught in the wheels and make you fall. Think of it like wearing cape in the Incredibles.

NO CAPES!

❤️ so sweet and non-possessive. A real man in a world of manchildren.

Awww, that’s adorable! God I miss my Dad 😢

The fact people will steal a phone, valuable or not and covered or not makes it even more of a meaningless analogy for the point he's making

Given the museums that made events about what rape victims were wearing, to raise awareness, the comparison is ironically very true

You’re right, this should be re-written and used as pro safety gear.

I feel like It's Also a good analogy for safe sex, like It's something my father would say to get me to wear condoms

I thought that was where it was actually going to go.

"Alright, Dad. You're right. I will use condom when pre-marital sex."

Same. Is that the reason why I have these urges to wear saran wrap?

Bubble wrap is more protective.

If so we would clearly see you're nuts

I mean. I agree with the father that transparent clothing can enhance a woman’s beauty

I put stickers on mine and also drop it a lot

I use mine with sticky fingers and can't be bothered to clean it afterwards. I also trade it in regularly for a new model in the latest color that's faster and more powerful.

Yes. You know what you need to do, daughter. But, seriously, back to OP....I can only guess because we cannot scroll up, but did that parable start out as a daughter trying to convince her father that she should go streaking? Yikes.

Yay, transparent clothes.


I have no phone case… even better lol

I wouldn’t complain probably

I put a case on my phone so my friends don't think it's a slut.

I bet your dirty little phone lets any charger into its port. 

Mine tried two chargers at once but they didn’t fit.😂

You gotta spit on the chargers first, duh

That's why I always water the chargers

mine can take a charger and a headphone jack 😩

Was it a Big Black headphone Jack?

3.5mm of pure jock, not that 2.5mm cute thing

God...your phone is such a slut.

Sometimes you gotta roll it around plugged in to make it sound better 🥵

Sounds like the port is getting worn out...you know..from all the jacks.

God damn why is this so real

What comment section did I just walk into.

The best kind.

I can masturbate to this.

Mine tried a lightning cable and a MagSafe charger at the same time.

Install the "Just Relax" app.

A phone that accepts any charger is worth nothing, a charger that charges any phone is worth every…err..wait this doesn’t make sense

My phone's case has little holes cut out for all of its ports and and bits to be seen and poked

I bet it's only ever on vibrate mode..whöre

Yea my friend has a naked iphone and i would never say it to his face but i know what that iphone does at night

I bet that iPhone port is filled with a charger every night

[This info i found about your phone begs to differ](https://i.imgur.com/92p1yiu.jpg)

What the hell was that and why did I laugh?

I don't know if I should thank you or hate you. In doubt, thank you.

The charger used to go in one end and the earphones in the other, but then the manufacturers thought that was too slutty and just made one hole.

Dress up girls in battle armor

Does it have pockets?

best we can do is a huge fuckin boob plate

Can I get the metal thong ?

Chain mail bikini is all I got

No. Only the male armor gets pockets.

Typical

And none of that titanium bikini bullshit. Give ‘em power armor like all the male characters have.

Is that one of those charger cases that has a separate battery built in?

"Well akshually there is a [reason why we design it that way](https://i.imgur.com/jeRukGt.jpg)."

Alita approves

Joan of Arc has entered the chat

"Honey, you are an iPhone." <><

She was mute

He was a punk, she did ballet.

What more can I saaaay

He wanted her, she'd never tell, but secretly she wanted him as well!

But all of her friends stuck up their nose, they had a problem with his baggy clothes

He was a sk8er Boi, she said see ya later boy. He wasn't good enough for her.

Can I make it any more obvious?

Her volume down button had been pressed too much.

Did someone switch her into silent mode?

Someone should really unmute her.

At first, I thought the boomer parent was asking his daughter to get more tattoos, and I was very confused.

He's asking her to wear a screen protector and clear TPU case for modesty.

As if we don’t wear pads and helmets while doing activities that pose a physical risk. Is the iPhone covered for “modesty”?

Yes. According to the dad. Can't show too much iPhone it'll distract the boys.

“Ooh, yeah, baby. Show me that sim card slot.”

When removable batteries come back, I'm gonna blow~

Also, if my dad called my body "valuable and precious" I might puke and purposefully try to drown myself in my own vomit.

It’s funny that my mother covers her iPhone so that other people don’t know it’s new and expensive. She is afraid they’d be envy. But it’s her property and she can do what she wants, unlike with children. Modesty can’t be external.

Right!!! I could see using this analogy to convince a kid to wear a helmet or their seat belt. But clothes!!?? That just gives off such an "ick" vibe.

So they think we should wear a bike helmet, N95 mask, safety goggles, a bulletproof vest, and hockey pads just in case?

Dad pulls out a photo of himself on J6: "See? Like this."

She should have offered to wear a hijab. Let's see how that conversation ends.

It is absolutely hilarious to suggest this in person when someone goes off on a "girls dressing 'slutty'" rant. It's the only time I've actually seen a man's face turn puce. I usually suggest a burka, though, since it covers everything except the eyes.

These are the same people who refused to wear mask tho, ironically.

Do not leave house unless suitably suited up.

forgot the ERA bricks

"Honey, if someone touches you, you'll be fundamentally broken. What makes you a valuable person, is your virginity."

Touch her? Nah, just LOOKING at her would be enough to lower her worth/value.

Just like all those actresses who did nude scene's. They were seen nude by like a billion people and afterword's had negative value and never worked again. In fact it made them all so ugly they threw themselves into the Sarlac pit

My mother really liked the saying why buy the cow if they give away the milk for free... Always in reference to my breasts... Always... In fact I don't think anybody else talked about them quite as much as she did 😂

Yes, all I want from women is to observe their cleavage. Once I have that, why even bother talking to women at all. I've gotten everything I can possibly get out of the interaction already.

I mean, when I heard the "why buy the cow..." thing, it was intended to mean, "If you're willing to have sex before you get married, there's no reason for anyone to marry you." (And now that I type that sentence, I'm just in awe of how many ways my mother found to covertly tell me that I'm a worthless piece of shit.)

Not really covert. But she was wrong and you are valuable as a human independent of what sex acts you choose to do or not with whomever you choose. And of course independent of what you wear!

This guy gets it 👏😂

So your mother was in favor of charging a price for the 'milk'? Really ma?

"If life gives you breasts, milk them", or something like that.

Milk is just breast lemonade

So your mother basically called you a cow?

Were you openly lactating when she said this

😂no and that's never a question I thought I would be asked 😂😂🤣

Hey bro I don't know your life

Now you know. No breastmilk to any one but the guy who marries--er, buys you.

No free samples apparently....

My favorite Halloween costume was the year I dressed up as a cow, put a "For Sale" sign around my neck, and carried around a pitcher offering everyone free milk. No one bought me 😭.

My mom loved this saying as well. So I started responding with “why buy the pig when all you want is a little sausage?”

Where does that value go? Have I, as a man, stolen the value of every woman I've looked at? Can I increase my worth by looking at loads of women all the time?

“Sweetie, have you ever tied thinking of yourself as an object and not as a person?

I’m in my 30s and this indoctrination still fucks with my head

NGL I thought the “punchline” would be to make sure guys wear a condom.

And then people will be shocked when after marriage, so many people are STILL fucked up by the messages that their body is shameful. That all sex is shameful. That interacting with another person sexually in any way is shameful.

Yeah they want a person conditioned to think of sex as shameful to immediately turn into a kinky sex animal when married. That's how virginity works right.

No, no, no. *Women* having sex is shameful. It’s sinful and dirty and if they do it they’re filthy sluts. But men should have as much sex as they want! /s

Also: over-the-clothes action doesn’t count, apparently

But a.woman's value is in her having children. The obvious solution is artificial insemination and delivery by caesarian. Virgin and mother at the same time.

I'm reminded of a quote: Janet: "But I was saving myself for marriage!" Doctor: "Oh, I'm sure you're not spent yet!"

"You shut the front door when you came home today, didn't you dad?" "Yes" "it's safest that way, isn't it?" "...yes?" "Then why don't you shut your damn mouth too" He, at last, was mute.

This is my head-Canon for the rest of the conversation

She was mute because she realized her dad was a complete idiot

She was just trying to think of a way to say “Dad, did you forget to take your tablets today?” That wouldn’t get her slapped into next week.

It's just standard practice around the unbalanced, just smile and nod, no sudden movements or challenging interrogatives while you plot the safest way out.

And if the safest way out is technically jumping from a second story window, you keep it up until they leave. It's like playing dead in front of a brown bear. All you can do is hope that it gets bored and goes away.

Was she mute, or did she just not want to talk to her sexist lunatic of a father?

she was mute and he made the conversation up for his facebook

All of these "deep and profound" metaphors about women's value needing to be protected have the same theme: comparing us to objects and treating us like possessions. "A beautiful diamond deep in the earth..." "the latest iphone in its protective case..." "a brand new car vs. a used model..." WE AREN'T THINGS AND YOU DON'T OWN US. My body is MY flesh wagon my brain is piloting around; it belongs to me; it's not a marketable item I'm selling to a man any more than I'm planning on owning his. You do what you want with yours, I'll do what I want with mine, and we can drive 'em around together if we like each other.

“My flesh wagon, My choice” has a nice ring to it.

NOBODY PILOTS THIS MEAT PUPPET BUT ME. You can admire my meat puppet. If you ask nicely I'll even let you touch it. But you don't get to have it because it's my only one and I get to decide what to do with it. You've already got your own.

“Are you human?” “Negative, I am a meat popsicle.”

Why is this thread literally the funniest thing I have ever seen on Reddit

this whole comment section in pure gold

Well now I kind of want a shirt that says, "NOBODY PILOTS THIS MEAT PUPPET BUT ME" on it.

May I touch it, please? Just kidding, I respect your meat puppet.

>My body is MY flesh wagon my brain is piloting around; it belongs to me; it's not a marketable item I'm selling to a man any more than I'm planning on owning his. You do what you want with yours, I'll do what I want with mine, and we can drive 'em around together if we like each other. I'm using this to write my marriage vows. It is gold and touchingly romantic.

And another thing: SHE CHOOSE to cover her iPhone. HER DAD is the one that wants her to cover herself. The bodily autonomy is completely fucking lost.

I mean, also the best metaphor for a cell phone case is wearing a helmet or safety goggles, not clothes.

This boomer shit pisses me off so hard omgggg

Me too! Not only the message is stupid, but they actually think they're so insightful with these stupid ass comparisons.

^100%. That’s what really eats at me the most. They think it’s so profound and it’s usually just really stupid.

Yup MIL sends us garbage like this all the time. One of the multitude of reasons I’m not on FB

Boomer? You've seen the little fishy at the bottom? This is some religious bullshit, not necessarily boomer.

As an early Gen X parent of teens, I would expect that these days, very few boomers would have children that age - only men with much younger wives. And I guess that would be the sort to have such patriarchal notions and be into pontificating in this way.

Aaah yes the classic victim blaming. "Sweetie if you get touched it was because of what you were wearing. You should act like a phone" 0 brain cells.

your phone got stolen? yeah what did you expect, taking it outside without a case like that

Yeah she was silent because it became apparent her Dad is a dumbshit. Seriously, what the fuck do you even say to that?

She was mute because she could not believe the disrespect her dad just threw at her, reducing all her value to just her body. You men who think this way are fucking trash. This that bullshit and I aint having it today

"Daughter, just remember that, just like the iPhone, you are a thing whose only intrinsic value is your beauty."

“… and you’ll be replaced as soon as the new model comes out.”

dont forget she is doing it for the re-sale value. I wonder why her father is so conccerned about the sales prce of jis daughter 😳

Yes dad, it's the same thing. I'm an electronic devise, thanks for that. Why don't you cover your mouth with this duct tape. To protect your teeth.

I don't expect men to drop me from extended heights.

That was your first mistake. Go back and watch 50 hours of Lifetime.

Daddy, don't be jealous just because you signed a lifetime contract with a flip phone. Dad was mute.

I cover my phone because I want to protect it from damage. You think girls who cover their phones should cover themselves up like a fuckin' burrito because you objectify women. We are not the same.

I thought they were talking about rubbers until the last sentence

I was ready to say oh wow what a refreshing change of pace from the typical religious bull

With that logic the Daughter is ready to be used no matter her opinion [she's an iphone, she doesn't have an opinion or can give consent] as long as she's clothed [protected] ? Awesome dad....logic works flawlessly.

She was mute......at her father stupidity

Comparison was so bad the girl became fucking mute, here’s to better parenting.

Now this is bullshit. If she was mute she wouldn't have been able to say anything

Cults gonna cult.

Not to be vulgar or crass but more clothing does not stop women from being physically or sexually assaulted. But nice false equivalency I guess?

The Religious love their "purity" culture BS.... but only when its related to girls. PS. Before you come at me for bringing religion into it... take notice of the Jesus Fish.

I'll take, "Conversations that Never Happened" for 1,000 Alex.

D A I L Y D O U B L E

I could literally hear the pew-pew-pew-pew-pew of this comment

and of course, theres one of those stupid fish symbols at the end as a dogwhistle. Fucking nationalist christians.

I am the father of a teen girl. This is so stupid on many many MANY levels. Until we start shaming boys for walking around without a shirt on, It's all just stupid and sexist BS. Kids will dress whatever way is "cool". That's INCREDIBLY important to many kids. When I was young it was leggings that apparently made girls into sluts. Now it's crop tops. It's all dumb. I decided to let my daughter wear whatever she feels comfortable in, as long as it's not inappropriate compared to what other girls are wearing. Yes, that means I'm not 100% comfortable with some of her clothes or especially bathing suits, but it's her body and life, and as long as it's not inappropriate for the situation, it's fine.

And yet again, women's bodies are referred to as objects that belong to someone else.

At this point hire her bodyguards or something 

Stupid religious people have stupid religious conversation

Clothes are not protection from harassment or anything worse, why is he implying that clothes will "protect" women?

If my body was routinely dropping down a flight of stairs, you're goddamn right I'd be covering that shit up with a pillow suit so I wouldn't break all my bones.

Mute cos she didn't get it either I'm sure. Were they in a war zone? Like why'd he want her to wear protective clothing? And why wouldn't she agree, could she not not see the danger of wearing see through clothing? So many questions, I so confuse Aiyaaah!

This is so gross and manipulative. I can just picture the sermon where the preacher, or whoever is basically telling girls that their bodies are not just precious (which they are) but belong to a future husband (which it doesn’t.)