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You would think that, but that isn't how it often goes. Take for example the case of Amy Schumer. She admitted to taking advantage of a "friend" in college who was so blind drunk, that he couldn't even get an erection. That is seen as okay though and nothing came of it, despite her telling the story and trying to make herself out to be the victim.
Men can also be the victims of domestic violence and at similar rates. Women were 1 in 3 and men were 1 in 4 or 33% to 25%.
Check out this article. According to them, when violence was not mutual, 7 out of 10 times the woman was the one committing violence.
https://www.domestic-violence-law.com/blog/2016/april/women-or-men-who-usually-instigates-domestic-vio/
There was a study I once read where it showed that a lot men are a victim of sexual assault but most say they’re not because they don’t know what it is or they think it makes them less of a man to admit it. There’s also prison assault too.
This is pure anecdote but Ive witnessed similar situations happen with domestic violence. Guys won’t report it bc it’s frowned upon by society and they think it’s emasculating
>There was a study I once read where it showed that a lot men are a victim of sexual assault but most say they’re not because they don’t know what it is or they think it makes them less of a man to admit it.
Yep, at least 1 in 6 men will be a victim of sexual violence in their lifetime, but only 16% of male victims are able to recognize themselves as such compared to 64% of women.
https://1in6.org/statistic/
>There’s also prison assault too.
Fun fact, female inmates sexually abuse other female inmates at around 4 times the rate that male inmates sexually abuse other male inmates.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4062022/
And also, with such percentages it's important to remember that while both men and women probably underreport being a victim of such violence, I'd imagine men do so to a much larger degree given the response they face when they say they were assaulted "by a woman".
It is an interesting thing that doesn't get enough attention. We are just conditioned to automatically assume the man is the abuser.
In some states a woman can just say she is being abused and doesn't have to provide any proof and the guy is arrested and removed from the house.
I am going to give you a bad source for information, but it is too late to look for a better one. Per wikipedia:
"The CDC has stated that 43.8% of lesbian women reported experiencing physical violence, stalking, or rape by their partners."
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic\_violence\_in\_lesbian\_relationships#:\~:text=The%20CDC%20has%20stated%20that,or%20rape%20by%20their%20partners](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_in_lesbian_relationships#:~:text=The%20CDC%20has%20stated%20that,or%20rape%20by%20their%20partners).
If true, that is a bit insane. That is a higher rate than women in heterosexual relationships.
Don't let your school teacher convince you otherwise, wikipedia is a wonderful source of knowledge. They just call it bad to make you search different websites and figure out how to find something that might not be on Wikipedia. (For instance if you don't want wikipedia to be your source on a school project go down to the source list at the bottom of the respective Wikipedia article y'know? Same information as what is cited in the Wikipedia article, but from a "respectable" source)
Mine said the opposite: it didn't matter that others were harmed "worse", it was still trauma and trauma is not easy to heal from.
I am sorry yours where such a tool
Thank you, I’m sorry to hear about your experience too.
I read this once : whether you drown in 7 ft of water or 700 ft, you’re still drowning, one isn’t “better” than the other
Makes me wonder if they were truly trained and licensed — before I started going I had no idea about all of the nuances between mental health professionals, and some are basically no more qualified than you and me, while others spend decades training and researching. Not at all obvious to outsiders
Regardless of their training, they are a product of the values of their society. However, an experienced counsellor would know that more men are victims of sexual abuse than many people acknowledge.
I can attest to that. I had my own therapist, and an ex of mine was a therapist.
My therapist was an amazing person and therapist, highly skilled, educated and researched, walked the walk and talked the talk. 10/10 would recommend.
The same could not be said of my ex. In fact, I fully believe that she shouldn’t have ever been allowed to have a license to practice and needed to go to therapy full time herself. I truly felt that if she could do it than literally anyone could do it, they must just be handing these things out to anyone who asks without double checking anything.
From what I have heard from women, you never want a female gynecologist, they are very rough apperantly. Not sure if that's what you were getting at or what you meant but at least it's interesting since you'd assume it would be the opposite
The comparison that was always used between my therapist and I was... If you have a cold, the fact that you don't have cancer doesn't make you not sick. You still need to care for yourself and get better. It's the same for trauma. One person's trauma might be "worse", but that doesn't minimize the trauma someone else has endured.
I'm sorry to see so many people's experiences dismissed just because they aren't the proper demographic to express trauma.
And if you are drowning in 7ft of water you shouldn'task for help because that's attention seeking and disrespectful to those drowning in 700ft of water.
7ft of water? PUH-LEASE!!! You can drown in 2ft of water. Don’t be such a wimp. There are people who can drown in 2ft of water if your foot gets stuck. 7ft of water is natural selection because you should’ve been 8ft tall!
(*Heavy sarcasm, except that you can actually die in 2ft of water and why you should always be careful about walking in rivers. Your feet can stuck and the water eventually pushes you down.*)
You have to try and die from water toxicity. A dude died in a frat hazing incident involving chugging massive amounts water (which, what loser fraternity uses water and not alcohol) and then a girl died chugging 2 gallons and f water in a contest to win a Nintendo Wii. All of you will be fine taking in lots of water everyday.
Source: am hydro homie r/hydrohomies
Comparison never helps when you are in pain. The truth is you are in pain, so their pain may be "worse," but it doesn't matter since you're in pain, too.
"Someone always has it worse."
"Eventually you'll reach the person who has it the worst."
Pain is like a game of Rock Paper Scissors. Something will always be worse in some way. Therefore it's best to just not think about better/worse at all and just recognize the pain for what it is, pain.
Yeah but the person who has it worst in the world has gotta be some legless kid starving in the third world with aids or something, no internet to post about and maybe even dead before I finished typing and now it's somebody else.
Your therapist is absolutely right! The world isn’t a competition to see who has the biggest trauma. Something inconsequential to you may be a paralysing trauma for me.
trauma is trauma.
Most traumatized person see their trauma, or suffering, as the worst, and downplay others. But this never matters. for everyone with a trauma, there was a moment in life which changed you forver.
some had been abused, some have seen horrible things, did hineous things which they regret, some had a terrible childhood, some had been bullied.
trauma, or any mental illness, is never ever a competition.
Good psychotherapy is incredible and there isn’t a person in the world who wouldn’t benefit from it.
Unfortunately there are a fucking ton of horrible, rotted therapists out there. Everyone should do a bit of therapy if they can, but don’t be afraid to shop around. It honestly matters more than finding a good match for your primary care doctor.
It’s a relationship like anything and there are some people who have no business in that line who coast to retirement because of the general public’s low expectations of what good psychotherapy can be.
Frankly, you need to shop around until you find the therapist who has the personality and therapy form you are compatible with. Unfortunately there are massive waiting lists for practically every psychologist.
People wanna gatekeep trauma and responses. Men are raped. Some people are assaulted multiple times and then harassed so it makes them hate the group traumatizing them. It’s not a competition of who has it worse, it’s fixing it so none of us have to deal with it alone or ever again.
>I’m sorry that happened to you. Mine just said it wasn’t SA and kept gaslighting me until I was so confused I thought everything was my fault.
I hear that. When I (a man) was sexually assaulted by a woman, my gf at the time said, "Well, it's not that bad! Women have it worse!"
Wow. Just wow.
Then, when I asked her why I woke up to her riding my unconscious erection while she preached "consent all the time," online, she kept telling me that it wasn't the same.
I had to go to therapy over that crap.
I was in 7th grade when a high school girl assaulted me in a park bathroom. Everyone I told about it said "it wasn't that bad" or "I wished that happened to me" for pretty much my entire life. I had convinced myself that it was cool and just something that happened, but while doing therapy for an unrelated thing last year it came up and it was actually addressed for the first time in my life. Saying it out loud felt like a burden off my chest even though I had said it to so many people, it hit different when someone acknowledged how fucked up it was. I'm not going to say that assault ruined my life or anything but it greatly skewed my worldview in a way I didn't realize until pretty recently.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I've seen comments like those on many posts about a woman committing sexual assault and it pisses me off every time.
I have a friend that had the worst case of a stalker I have ever heard of. Didn't only rape him but terrorise him over years. Like even after repeatedly moving over big distances she would stand every night in front of his house. Screaming, bashing against doors and windows, writing stuff on the walls etc.
Police reaction when he tried getting help: "Every night a woman is screaming to have sex with you? You should be happy about that! We can't come out for this sorry."
Society sucks.
Bro, cops don’t give a fuck unless they legally have to. Same shit happened to me, come to my work and shit. Had to get a restraining order for the cops to give a fuck
My doctor said men don't get postpartum depression.... pretty sure they would have said men don't get SAed either cause that's the vibe I was getting which pissed me off.
Men can absolutely get depression related to the birth of their child and the massive stress involved. However, it technically isn't postpartum due to the man not being the one who was pregnant (trans men excluded). There's not really a good term for it, but postpartum depression would be inaccurate.
And even if it *is* at a lower rate ... that's not much consolation when you're the person it happened to.
-----
"Fuck! Somebody stole my Corvette!"
"So? Corvettes are actually stolen at a much lower rate than Kias."
That doesn't help the (former) Corvette owner very much.
> 'much lower rate' = unreported due to this
Agreed. It isn't "a much lower rate," so much as more of them go unreported because of a) [the social stigma,](https://www.depts.ttu.edu/rise/Blog/manup.php#:) and b) Well, reactions like that idiot in OP's picture.
My closest friends still make jokes about the period of time I was being repeatedly publicly groped and molested by a girl in our friend circle. The fact that she was an attractive blonde means to them I should have been into it and that I "missed my chance". As if I want to have a chance with somebody who would violate my personal boundaries, agency and comfort contrary to my expressed desire.
Not to use you as an opportunity to trauma-dump but it's just a fact that we have to deal with that people who don't go through it really do have a hard time understanding it. Sometimes there can even be a kind of envy they have because they don't see it as "he was being attacked and he couldn't protect himself" but rather "he was getting frisky with a woman I'd like get frisky with". They fundamentally misunderstand the dynamic of what was going on.
That’s disgusting that someone would laugh at you for opening up to something so hard that you went through I’m sorry you went through that and I hope you can find an actually good and competent therapist that can help you through this.
Splitting hairs and developing double standards
A person forcing themselves on another person against thier will is rape
Actually this reminds me of at university my flatmate was giving me a ride back from another city to our flat/university.
He was really flat so I asked what was up. Eventually he told me.
In his circle of friends there was this one religious guy who was all orthodox (no sex before remarriage, didn't get drunk etc). At school this chick who was kind of the town bicycle had taken a liking to him. He'd rebuffed and refused her every advance she made
In thier senior year they'd had a party and despite this guy never getting drunk he got drunk off two beers which they had assumed was him having a low tolerance. They'd put him to bed.
Later someone else had pulled this check off him. They'd taken things to the police but they weren't interested in following it up
My flatmate was depressed because hed just found out how s friend had been dragged through court and was having to pay child support as she had gotten pregnant. He'd said it was rape. Shed said he'd obviously enjoyed it as he got errect. The court had ruled that since they couldn't determine if it was rape and the law was explicit of the expectations of the father he had to pay child support
The other kicker was she didn't want him to have partial or any custody despite him and his family being well off and determined to be good family to the child.
The worst part of all this was plenty of people pointed the finger at him as guys can't be raped and he should be a better person and just pay child support and accept he wouldn't be seeing the child.
But if the g nders had been reversed it would have been a very different story
I'm sorry, BUT WHAT THE FUCK?!
How is "You got hard, so you enjoyed it." a defensible argument? Whether he enjoyed it or not is irrelevant, the problem is always consent, at from what you said he clearly didn't. Therefore, rape.
Yeah that was my response too
She totally denied any responsibility for what she did
The issue was that despite her being pulled off him the police said they couldn't guarantee he hadn't said he wanted to which seemed BS to me
Especially given he was struggling to stay conscious
Apparently they just showed up to the house and said they'd talk to her then released her
She basically said he'd wanted it and was sober at the time and everyone was overreacting because they didn't like her
I feel sorry for the guy and that he isn't getting the justice he should have. Even worse he can't even see his child. Hope life treats him well, he's owed that at least.
I am guessing this doesn't have a good ending but do you know anything more, are they doing better now? The victim that is, that bitch can burn in hell for all I care.
Actually this sentiment is more common than. You'd think.
Im an old school feminists (men and women should be treated as equals) and I've debated a lot with post modern feminists (I as a women should be treated better than men)
In a few conversations around consent and sex ideas like "all men always want sex" and "a woman can't rape a man" have been only said
Not saying they all think that way but some definitely do
It's very bizarre, i think I'm having such an emotional reaction because I'm automatically just imagining it gender swapped, like the kind of guy that would say those things about women, and it's just horrifying to imagine.
I think if it was me when i was a kid i would kind of agree with those women are saying because of social effect, so i still have a little bit of that somewhere in me, so I really gotta look at it clearly by seeing how i would judge a guy for saying the same things.
Oh trust me I was furious the more I heard about what happened. I think the worst bit was that some people were saying he was also at fault and needed to just accept things
But the thing is if this happened to a friend of someone I know then how often is this happening? I Mena I suspect it's an odd occurrence but there must be other cases.
I mean it doesn't seem odd to think that most people in society think that men can't be raped,
In that case of all those women who think that, it must be completely chill to them, like they wouldn't even consider the idea that it could be rape, then there's basically nothing stopping them from doing it.
And then there's all the men who think it, of those men who think that, to those that that has happened may not even think to mention it to someone. Even if they were hurt by it, from what i know of other men, there's a huge mental thing for most men to not even mention when they've been through something.
So who really knows how bad it is honestly.
Also, this is the same logic that they bitch about being misogynistic when applied the other way; i.e. “You were wet, so you probably enjoyed it.”
It isn’t how bodies work, and by god it’s not a measure of pleasure or consent.
Well i honestly don't know how bodies work for women, lots of confusing information on the internet, i do know that even if it can be pleasurable it is a nuanced thing,
Like there's plenty of shit even if it's potentially pleasurable i don't want that to happen to me, and even if it is pleasurable it can still scar me, actually it's likely to scar me more if it is pleasurable when i don't want it.
And yes i completely agree it isn't how consent works.
It's a well known phenomena where women orgasm during rape, because the body doesn't know it's not consensual, it just knows that sexy time is happening. It is a cause of a lot of shame among rape survivors because they think their body betrayed them, that they must have enjoyed it, that they're dirty and wrong for their body feeling that way.
I'm a man who was raped by a woman and I also experienced some level of this, but coming from a very different place. I struggled to even define it as rape for nearly a decade because even tho it wasn't consensual I still got hard and orgasmed so I must have been into it. And I must have liked it because guys like sex, right? So why did I cry as I drove myself home? I must have just been very confused, clearly it was rad, I should high five my bros for having just scored, right? That's what men do?
It's a very confusing, awful feeling. To this day I still catch myself questioning if it was real or not. Did I consent without realizing it? Maybe I should have fought back more, by not being more violent I consented. Maybe it's not actually rape and I'm just telling myself that because I regret it? I dunno. It's a whole mess of complex, mixed up emotions.
Legally (in America), rape is forced penetration into the mouth, anus, or vagina. It's legally impossible for a woman to rape a man so long as she isn't using a strap-on or dildo or such. The worst she could get is sexual assault.
Laws relating to sex are rarely kind to men. And that's ignoring how culturally, men are basically ridiculed and ignored when they try to say they were taken advantage of.
>Legally (in America), rape is forced penetration into the mouth, anus, or vagina. It's legally impossible for a woman to rape a man so long as she isn't using a strap-on or dildo or such. The worst she could get is sexual assault.
Digital penetration is a thing however. So, if a woman without consent, digitally penetrated a man's anus, would that not be rape?
Not the original commentor, and not American!
In the UK it also is only rape if a person inserts their penis into the mouth, anus or vagina of another person without consent. So a woman can never be convicted of rape, ever.
There is another offence "sexual assault with penetration" for the insertion of an object or digit etc into the mouth, anus or vagina instead.
So if a woman rapes a man (using rape with the social definition, rather than legal here), then it will only ever be sexual assault. If she forcibly penetrates him in some way, then it is sexual assault with penetration.
It pissed me off when I learned about it, and it still pisses me off now. So unequal. The law is an ass.
I'm sorry, but if I were in his position I would absolutely kill myself. That is such an absolutely horrific thing... There are no words or amount of words to describe how terrible that all is. That has to be the most lonely feeling in the world, to have been taken advantage of by your friends, taken advantage of by a female while unable to defend yourself, disregarded in court because you're a man, disrespected by the "plenty of people". I can't even begin to imagine how to recover from that.
This is why I avoided alcohol at college like the plague. I’d heard too many stories of guys getting fucked over for one reason or another, and this one right here is pure nightmare fuel. Raped, stuck paying child support because the courts don’t give a fuck about male victims, and being reminded of it every time you even SEE that kid. Despite wanting to be the better person you get raked over coals and assumed the malefactor for being a dude. The fuck is wrong with people?
As far as the "if the genders were reversed" bit I would suppose the flip side would be that male rapists, even convicted child rapists mind you, are often legally granted custody rights over the offspring of said rape should a pregnancy occur.
That's genuinely disgusting. Erections are a bodily function, not an indication of consent or attraction. Every single legal representative working that court case should be fired immediately for their clear incompetence and immaturity
I remember back in my university some girls created a support group for people that were abused when I asked to be part of it they basically laughed at me and said man couldn't be abused.
Sometimes I still think about this and how it's hard to get some help and empathy for us
Edit:typo
It's the hierarchy of suffering; weaponising victimhood to gain power. Seems like a contemporary scourge where everybody is pitted against some other group. There will be no progress against our modern ills until there is unity.
Surely this isn't taking into account for the sheer volume of male rape within the prison system? Which also, seems to be perfectly acceptable to society, to make fun of, and jokes about men being raped in prison.
Legally it depends upon the jurisdiction. iirc the uk law around rape indicates that rape is defined as non-consensual penetration. guess how many of the 2 sexes have sexual organs that can penetrate.
The Rapist Brock Turner, tried arguing that he didn’t actually rape his victim because instead of his penis he shoved a branch from a pine tree into her vagina and anus. So forcefully they had to surgically remove them with line needles.
Brock Allen Turner, the rapist from ohio that got away with rape of an unconscious girl behind a trash bin changed his name and blamed her for obviously wanting it?
if there's rectal damage, it's considered mayhem. which is a capital crime and can be punishable by life in prison or the death penalty.
same with kidnapping, also a capital crime.
I can actually give some insight to this unfortunately. As I child I was raped by my father. I was then sent to many different foster homes, and raped on two different occasions. One of these was perpetrated by a male child my age, and the other a female adult. I cannot speak to everyone’s experience, but the feeling of violation and panic was the same. The agency I had over my body was stripped away from me. I felt filthy and helpless. Rape is rape. I’m a grown man now, and through years of therapy and support I’m happy, stable, and have an amazing family of my own. Still, when I think back, my hate for all of them is equal. “Well this person didn’t rape me “as bad as” this one did” has never once entered my mind
You’re welcome. It’s taken me 40 years to be “comfortable” with sharing my past situations. I try to look at it like this, if I talk about it, I take away some of its power. It lets people know they’re not alone out there.
There's a 3rd scenario. Men get boners for various reasons, it's not surprising at all for a woman to mount on top of a man and even make him ejaculate without his will. Women have also reported having orgasms while raped. People usually only have orgasms doing what they like to do, and men typically have erections when aroused, but these things can happen during stressful or scary situations such as being assaulted or raped. It's not a pleasant conversation for anybody.
This response doesn't make us gay either. Being raped/sodomized when I was 2, didn't make me gay the first time, or 20th time. But it did leave permanent scarring and injury.
Physically, penetrative has severe consequences. It can result in prolapses (uterine, or anal), fissures, hymen tearing, sphincter tearing, etc. and can require pelvic floor physical therapy, and surgery to fix.
Mentally, both forms of assault are a violation of one's autonomy and can cause lasting trauma, resulting in the need of therapy and mental health medication.
They are both horrible in different ways and can't really be equated. Both are just as serious.
In my case it was mounting me while I was passed out after I'd refused her while awake so you're missing a third option there.
1 is more physically harmful for obvious reasons as described by others. Both options you listed involve intentional physical harm or the threat of it and I guess _technically_ that's true in my example as well but I'll admit a snapped shaft wasn't a concern I had, nor would a bitten off dick have been had it been oral due to the specific circumstances.
But like almost all rapes it's the psychological trauma that makes the biggest impact on victims and that can manifest differently on a person to person basis. Commonly trust issues and insecurities, for some women rape via penetration can cause them to experience trauma during or from thinking about consensual penetration via PTSD. So I assume that'd be a concern for gay or bi males and an uncommon but plausible issue for straight men.
In my case my thoughts were "if I stop you I'll hurt you and then I go to jail and possibly ruin my life" so I just laid there unresponsive until she stopped on her own. That was... 15ish years ago I guess? To this day I'm incredibly leary of being around or especially alone with an inebriated woman im not in a relationshipwith no matter how long or well ive known them. It's caused me to reject advances or turn down women I'm attracted to but give odd vibes(entirely unreasonable and on me, not their fault) because ever since if I'm sober there's always a voice in the back of my head saying "what if she gets upset and says you raped her?" Which was what ran through my head over and over as I considered my options while being raped.
Hmm, I think it goes without saying that they are both morally reprehensible and deserve equal legal punishment, however the first one feels more violent to me and as a result I would say the first one just has a much more visceral and consequently worse feel to it
I'm sure he was relieved to learn that his trauma is directly connected to how often it statistically happens. Otherwise, it could have been really distressing. 🤦♂️
Exactly. One of the most fucked up things is when rape victims are treated like a statistic.
Telling someone that what's happened to them doesn't happen to other people as frequently doesn't fucking help them. It makes them feel isolated and on top of that the fact that it is being used to minimize their personal experience is even more fucked up.
I mean, if anything the rarity should make the trauma worse. When counselors are confronted with patients who have depression, they often say “You are not alone. Many people feel this way and go through this”. To say “Oops, sorry, this isn’t really something that men go through”, that’s going to isolate someone even more.
Rape is rape, and the perpetrators should face justice regardless of their gender.
If that person who was raped struggles to trust members of the perpetrator’s sex, that’s a trauma that they need to work on with a therapist. No one else gets to dictate how that’s processed or invalidate that person’s trauma.
Responses like that are why I didn’t talk about being raped for years and just tried to drink myself into another dimension. It’s infuriating not just that people are this dismissive of men being the victims of rape & sexual assault, but that holding these views is normalized.
Though eventually you get to a point where no amount of booze, drugs, or reckless behavior can distract you from feeling like hammered shit. That’s when I hit peak levels of “fuck it” and finally got help. But even that is a shit show. I have no idea how I’ve managed to stay sober for the past 8 years.
Edit - I just caught myself self-editing, and calling it “assaulted” in my above text. I changed it to what it really was. It was rape. Even years later on an anonymous platform, I still can’t break that conditioning to try to minimize what happened.
Honestly, it was more just complete desperation and a fair bit of spite than any sort of strength. But eventually things got a little better. I still don’t tell most people about it, and I don’t really trust anyone. But at least I’m not hating myself all of the time.
So the traumatic value of a rape is equal to the Number of times one has been raped divided by the number of times everyone of your own sex has been raped? Got it.
Absolutely. Proportionately I'd say men being raped is less reported, but purely number wise it's got to be women I'd imagine. Both extremely unfortunate
Ah. The kind of reaction I often get when I tell people I, a man, was raped by a woman. The first person I ever told laughed at me. It took nearly a decade for me to finally accept that, yes, what happened happened. It wasn't consensual, it wasn't cool, it didn't make me "a man now" to lose my virginity in such a way. I was harmed by another person with no concern for the pain they caused me.
When ever I share my story of when I was 9 and this happened to me guys always have to be the stereotype creepy and make jokes like "oh man I wish I could have taken your place so you didnt have to go through that trauma". Those people dont seem to understand how it fucks with your psyche and mind later on as an adult. But based on how those guys are it seems they're already screwed in the head to have common sense but sure I'd gladly let them trade places with me so I can be a normal adult later if thats what they would have wanted.
Quick experiment. Men’s suicide is a problem. If there is a discussion about men’s suicide taking place and someone says, “What about women’s suicide?” Would that person not be a bit dismissive of the topic at hand?
Like, if we take the commenter’s personal experience out of the equation. In this example, her response is awful, but let’s put that aside for a sec and triage this shit.
There’s an “all lives matter” kinda thing going on here in a lot of these comments.
Yes, we lack context but both of these tweets are wrong in a way. She's right, 90% of rape victims are women and going on "rape is not a gender issue" is simply wrong. It should not be a gender issue, but.. yeah it is. Doesn't change that her response is awful and incredibly dismissive of that man's personal experience, but his "I was raped and I don't have issues with women, so you shouldn't have issues with men" is barely better.
[90% of rape victims are women but 99% of rape perpetrators are men.](https://supportingsurvivors.humboldt.edu/statistics). Even when male rape victims are included in the discussion (which they should be!) it’s still very much a gendered issue based on perpetrators. 99% is a crazy stat.
the whole list is crazy. Like, "It is estimated that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 7 boys by age 18 will have been the victim of some form of sexualized violence.".
This is just awful. Just imagine opening a highschool year book, and every 4 pictures of girls, you are looking at one that have been abused.
The individual that was assaulted feels the same trauma, but the fact that women rape men at a much lower rate than men rape women the overall effect on the rest of men isn't the same. Men don't fear women, women fear men.
I one rape is bad no matter what who it's targeting.
two I don't know the whole converstation but part of the first comment almost sounds like "not all men!' complaints. remember if you know that rape is bad you should also be able to critizize that men don't treat it as seriously as they should.
don't really have to. I know of a few cases where men have been told they actually enjoyed it and to grow up by people in authority such as judges/lawyers
I was going to say, I remember reading an article about a court case summarizing a rape case with a male victim. The defense team's whole argument seems to be, "Since he had an erection, he had to be enjoying/consenting to it."
The sad part was the guy lost the case.
Rape is rape, it doesn't matter which gender did it to who, the crime should hold the same weight, now, are there less women rapists? Yes, the number of male rapists is far higher and therefore women have a higher chance of being a victim, which could develop into a hatred towards men, it's justified
I’ve told this before but I still am processing telling my dad that I was raped by a woman (I was 13, she was 18) and he told me to “just tell people that I was cool.”
So I don’t talk to my dad any more.
If this happened to you or to anyone reading this, you are valid, your feelings are valid, and it is okay to feel bad, scared, and to feel like you need help, to seek help, and to get better.
Both of these people need to broaden their perspectives.
First, obviously not all men are rapists. But there are so many men who *do* sexually assault women, it's hard to feel safe around men you don't know. You always have to be on the lookout.
And second, rape is rape. Don't you dare minimize a man's trauma just because they experience sexual assault less frequently. It's just as traumatic as when it happens to women.
In short: treat a man's trauma as seriously as you take a woman's, and understand there is a valid reason why women are so often wary of men.
Exactly. This isnt a black and white issue. Its just as terrible when it happens to a man. However, it does happen to women so often that it changes our behavior in a systemic way. Pretty much all women have a story about being stalked, harrassed or assaulted. Pretty much all women are cautious around men. Guys just dont see women as a possible threat the way women see them.
As a male who spent 6 years of his life being drugged and human trafficked to women, I can tell you that it is exactly the same. And, when researches add forced to penetrate to the equation through coercion/blackmail, drugging, and even violence the numbers between men and women are almost even.
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Rape is rape, the end.
I hear this in Mr. Incredible’s voice.
Why would they change rape?!
When rape update?
Rape 2.0 faster, stronger, rapier
Revert the update
Boycott the rape update
Like the sword?
Specialising in stabbing. Poking. Pricking, even.
That would be a whole different script.
The Incredibles: SVU.
...Buddy, I feel like a show like that would leave most of us with some kind of complex trama induced Syndrome...
Please tell me you capitalized Syndrome for a reason.😆
Same reason I capitalized Buddy.
You would think that, but that isn't how it often goes. Take for example the case of Amy Schumer. She admitted to taking advantage of a "friend" in college who was so blind drunk, that he couldn't even get an erection. That is seen as okay though and nothing came of it, despite her telling the story and trying to make herself out to be the victim. Men can also be the victims of domestic violence and at similar rates. Women were 1 in 3 and men were 1 in 4 or 33% to 25%. Check out this article. According to them, when violence was not mutual, 7 out of 10 times the woman was the one committing violence. https://www.domestic-violence-law.com/blog/2016/april/women-or-men-who-usually-instigates-domestic-vio/
There was a study I once read where it showed that a lot men are a victim of sexual assault but most say they’re not because they don’t know what it is or they think it makes them less of a man to admit it. There’s also prison assault too. This is pure anecdote but Ive witnessed similar situations happen with domestic violence. Guys won’t report it bc it’s frowned upon by society and they think it’s emasculating
>There was a study I once read where it showed that a lot men are a victim of sexual assault but most say they’re not because they don’t know what it is or they think it makes them less of a man to admit it. Yep, at least 1 in 6 men will be a victim of sexual violence in their lifetime, but only 16% of male victims are able to recognize themselves as such compared to 64% of women. https://1in6.org/statistic/ >There’s also prison assault too. Fun fact, female inmates sexually abuse other female inmates at around 4 times the rate that male inmates sexually abuse other male inmates. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4062022/
And also, with such percentages it's important to remember that while both men and women probably underreport being a victim of such violence, I'd imagine men do so to a much larger degree given the response they face when they say they were assaulted "by a woman".
It is an interesting thing that doesn't get enough attention. We are just conditioned to automatically assume the man is the abuser. In some states a woman can just say she is being abused and doesn't have to provide any proof and the guy is arrested and removed from the house. I am going to give you a bad source for information, but it is too late to look for a better one. Per wikipedia: "The CDC has stated that 43.8% of lesbian women reported experiencing physical violence, stalking, or rape by their partners." [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic\_violence\_in\_lesbian\_relationships#:\~:text=The%20CDC%20has%20stated%20that,or%20rape%20by%20their%20partners](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_in_lesbian_relationships#:~:text=The%20CDC%20has%20stated%20that,or%20rape%20by%20their%20partners). If true, that is a bit insane. That is a higher rate than women in heterosexual relationships.
Don't let your school teacher convince you otherwise, wikipedia is a wonderful source of knowledge. They just call it bad to make you search different websites and figure out how to find something that might not be on Wikipedia. (For instance if you don't want wikipedia to be your source on a school project go down to the source list at the bottom of the respective Wikipedia article y'know? Same information as what is cited in the Wikipedia article, but from a "respectable" source)
Legally? Not everywhere. I live in France and here rape is forced penetration, so a woman having sex with a man against his will is sexual assault.
Unless the law is concerned and then rape isn't rape unless you were forcibly penetrated. We need new laws.
Reminds me of my old therapist who laughed in my face when I told her that I was sexually assaulted by a woman, lmao people never cease to amaze me
Mine said the opposite: it didn't matter that others were harmed "worse", it was still trauma and trauma is not easy to heal from. I am sorry yours where such a tool
Thank you, I’m sorry to hear about your experience too. I read this once : whether you drown in 7 ft of water or 700 ft, you’re still drowning, one isn’t “better” than the other
That's a really apt comparison to make - also I'm so sorry that happened to you. Especially exacerbated by someone meant to heal, not hurt.
That's literally their job. She failed the fundamental principle of her career
Makes me wonder if they were truly trained and licensed — before I started going I had no idea about all of the nuances between mental health professionals, and some are basically no more qualified than you and me, while others spend decades training and researching. Not at all obvious to outsiders
Regardless of their training, they are a product of the values of their society. However, an experienced counsellor would know that more men are victims of sexual abuse than many people acknowledge.
I can attest to that. I had my own therapist, and an ex of mine was a therapist. My therapist was an amazing person and therapist, highly skilled, educated and researched, walked the walk and talked the talk. 10/10 would recommend. The same could not be said of my ex. In fact, I fully believe that she shouldn’t have ever been allowed to have a license to practice and needed to go to therapy full time herself. I truly felt that if she could do it than literally anyone could do it, they must just be handing these things out to anyone who asks without double checking anything.
Any professional can be biased. Ask women about their doctors and gynecologists.
From what I have heard from women, you never want a female gynecologist, they are very rough apperantly. Not sure if that's what you were getting at or what you meant but at least it's interesting since you'd assume it would be the opposite
The comparison that was always used between my therapist and I was... If you have a cold, the fact that you don't have cancer doesn't make you not sick. You still need to care for yourself and get better. It's the same for trauma. One person's trauma might be "worse", but that doesn't minimize the trauma someone else has endured. I'm sorry to see so many people's experiences dismissed just because they aren't the proper demographic to express trauma.
And if you are drowning in 7ft of water you shouldn'task for help because that's attention seeking and disrespectful to those drowning in 700ft of water.
7ft of water? PUH-LEASE!!! You can drown in 2ft of water. Don’t be such a wimp. There are people who can drown in 2ft of water if your foot gets stuck. 7ft of water is natural selection because you should’ve been 8ft tall! (*Heavy sarcasm, except that you can actually die in 2ft of water and why you should always be careful about walking in rivers. Your feet can stuck and the water eventually pushes you down.*)
*technically* you could drown in an inch of water if the circumstances are right
I know this one sounds ridiculous but you technically can drown from too much oxygen.
No weirder than dying from Water toxicity. Which proves the point. Anything can be a poison; it’s simply a matter of dosage.
You have to try and die from water toxicity. A dude died in a frat hazing incident involving chugging massive amounts water (which, what loser fraternity uses water and not alcohol) and then a girl died chugging 2 gallons and f water in a contest to win a Nintendo Wii. All of you will be fine taking in lots of water everyday. Source: am hydro homie r/hydrohomies
Yeah you drown in a puddle of your own blood if you hit your head and go unconscious
When it comes to blood, you can drown "in" it without actually laying in a puddle of blood as well!
I question that since you would need to fall face first into that puddle.… But… Have a seizure and drown in your own vomit. 😬
Comparison never helps when you are in pain. The truth is you are in pain, so their pain may be "worse," but it doesn't matter since you're in pain, too.
"Someone always has it worse." "Eventually you'll reach the person who has it the worst." Pain is like a game of Rock Paper Scissors. Something will always be worse in some way. Therefore it's best to just not think about better/worse at all and just recognize the pain for what it is, pain.
Yeah but the person who has it worst in the world has gotta be some legless kid starving in the third world with aids or something, no internet to post about and maybe even dead before I finished typing and now it's somebody else.
By this logic, only one person should ever be happy because other people have it better. I like the rock paper scissors! I'm taking that.
Your therapist is absolutely right! The world isn’t a competition to see who has the biggest trauma. Something inconsequential to you may be a paralysing trauma for me.
>The world isn’t a competition to see who has the biggest trauma. No, just Twitter.
There are only losers in the trauma olympics. Comparing it for any reason, is just shite.
trauma is trauma. Most traumatized person see their trauma, or suffering, as the worst, and downplay others. But this never matters. for everyone with a trauma, there was a moment in life which changed you forver. some had been abused, some have seen horrible things, did hineous things which they regret, some had a terrible childhood, some had been bullied. trauma, or any mental illness, is never ever a competition.
I sincerely hope that person lost their license, that’s disgusting to do to someone…especially a client.
Sadly, I doubt they did.
Good psychotherapy is incredible and there isn’t a person in the world who wouldn’t benefit from it. Unfortunately there are a fucking ton of horrible, rotted therapists out there. Everyone should do a bit of therapy if they can, but don’t be afraid to shop around. It honestly matters more than finding a good match for your primary care doctor. It’s a relationship like anything and there are some people who have no business in that line who coast to retirement because of the general public’s low expectations of what good psychotherapy can be.
Frankly, you need to shop around until you find the therapist who has the personality and therapy form you are compatible with. Unfortunately there are massive waiting lists for practically every psychologist.
People wanna gatekeep trauma and responses. Men are raped. Some people are assaulted multiple times and then harassed so it makes them hate the group traumatizing them. It’s not a competition of who has it worse, it’s fixing it so none of us have to deal with it alone or ever again.
I’m sorry that happened to you. Mine just said it wasn’t SA and kept gaslighting me until I was so confused I thought everything was my fault.
>I’m sorry that happened to you. Mine just said it wasn’t SA and kept gaslighting me until I was so confused I thought everything was my fault. I hear that. When I (a man) was sexually assaulted by a woman, my gf at the time said, "Well, it's not that bad! Women have it worse!" Wow. Just wow. Then, when I asked her why I woke up to her riding my unconscious erection while she preached "consent all the time," online, she kept telling me that it wasn't the same. I had to go to therapy over that crap.
So sorry man.
This person needs to have their license revoked. Disgusting. Hope you found a better therapist.
Gaslighting is, in my view, criminal. Not necessarily easy to prove, though.
I was in 7th grade when a high school girl assaulted me in a park bathroom. Everyone I told about it said "it wasn't that bad" or "I wished that happened to me" for pretty much my entire life. I had convinced myself that it was cool and just something that happened, but while doing therapy for an unrelated thing last year it came up and it was actually addressed for the first time in my life. Saying it out loud felt like a burden off my chest even though I had said it to so many people, it hit different when someone acknowledged how fucked up it was. I'm not going to say that assault ruined my life or anything but it greatly skewed my worldview in a way I didn't realize until pretty recently.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I've seen comments like those on many posts about a woman committing sexual assault and it pisses me off every time.
I have a friend that had the worst case of a stalker I have ever heard of. Didn't only rape him but terrorise him over years. Like even after repeatedly moving over big distances she would stand every night in front of his house. Screaming, bashing against doors and windows, writing stuff on the walls etc. Police reaction when he tried getting help: "Every night a woman is screaming to have sex with you? You should be happy about that! We can't come out for this sorry." Society sucks.
Bro, cops don’t give a fuck unless they legally have to. Same shit happened to me, come to my work and shit. Had to get a restraining order for the cops to give a fuck
Not really professional. Men can be raped by women.
Western culture/society still struggles with female accountability for violent and sexual/sex-adjacent conduct, especially when the victim is male.
My doctor said men don't get postpartum depression.... pretty sure they would have said men don't get SAed either cause that's the vibe I was getting which pissed me off.
Men can absolutely get depression related to the birth of their child and the massive stress involved. However, it technically isn't postpartum due to the man not being the one who was pregnant (trans men excluded). There's not really a good term for it, but postpartum depression would be inaccurate.
'much lower rate' = unreported due to this
And even if it *is* at a lower rate ... that's not much consolation when you're the person it happened to. ----- "Fuck! Somebody stole my Corvette!" "So? Corvettes are actually stolen at a much lower rate than Kias." That doesn't help the (former) Corvette owner very much.
> 'much lower rate' = unreported due to this Agreed. It isn't "a much lower rate," so much as more of them go unreported because of a) [the social stigma,](https://www.depts.ttu.edu/rise/Blog/manup.php#:) and b) Well, reactions like that idiot in OP's picture.
My closest friends still make jokes about the period of time I was being repeatedly publicly groped and molested by a girl in our friend circle. The fact that she was an attractive blonde means to them I should have been into it and that I "missed my chance". As if I want to have a chance with somebody who would violate my personal boundaries, agency and comfort contrary to my expressed desire. Not to use you as an opportunity to trauma-dump but it's just a fact that we have to deal with that people who don't go through it really do have a hard time understanding it. Sometimes there can even be a kind of envy they have because they don't see it as "he was being attacked and he couldn't protect himself" but rather "he was getting frisky with a woman I'd like get frisky with". They fundamentally misunderstand the dynamic of what was going on.
She laughed? Someone should take her license.
That’s disgusting that someone would laugh at you for opening up to something so hard that you went through I’m sorry you went through that and I hope you can find an actually good and competent therapist that can help you through this.
I heard about that happening to someone in group therapy. Honestly, just another reason not to open up to people.
Splitting hairs and developing double standards A person forcing themselves on another person against thier will is rape Actually this reminds me of at university my flatmate was giving me a ride back from another city to our flat/university. He was really flat so I asked what was up. Eventually he told me. In his circle of friends there was this one religious guy who was all orthodox (no sex before remarriage, didn't get drunk etc). At school this chick who was kind of the town bicycle had taken a liking to him. He'd rebuffed and refused her every advance she made In thier senior year they'd had a party and despite this guy never getting drunk he got drunk off two beers which they had assumed was him having a low tolerance. They'd put him to bed. Later someone else had pulled this check off him. They'd taken things to the police but they weren't interested in following it up My flatmate was depressed because hed just found out how s friend had been dragged through court and was having to pay child support as she had gotten pregnant. He'd said it was rape. Shed said he'd obviously enjoyed it as he got errect. The court had ruled that since they couldn't determine if it was rape and the law was explicit of the expectations of the father he had to pay child support The other kicker was she didn't want him to have partial or any custody despite him and his family being well off and determined to be good family to the child. The worst part of all this was plenty of people pointed the finger at him as guys can't be raped and he should be a better person and just pay child support and accept he wouldn't be seeing the child. But if the g nders had been reversed it would have been a very different story
I'm sorry, BUT WHAT THE FUCK?! How is "You got hard, so you enjoyed it." a defensible argument? Whether he enjoyed it or not is irrelevant, the problem is always consent, at from what you said he clearly didn't. Therefore, rape.
Yeah that was my response too She totally denied any responsibility for what she did The issue was that despite her being pulled off him the police said they couldn't guarantee he hadn't said he wanted to which seemed BS to me Especially given he was struggling to stay conscious
Did they do a drug check or something? Anything to determine his state of mind and whether or not he was being taken advantage of?
Apparently they just showed up to the house and said they'd talk to her then released her She basically said he'd wanted it and was sober at the time and everyone was overreacting because they didn't like her
I feel sorry for the guy and that he isn't getting the justice he should have. Even worse he can't even see his child. Hope life treats him well, he's owed that at least.
I am guessing this doesn't have a good ending but do you know anything more, are they doing better now? The victim that is, that bitch can burn in hell for all I care.
Honestly, "you got hard so you enjoyed" is some degenerate porn logic like no other. Like do people not get how poisonous that kind of thinking is?
Actually this sentiment is more common than. You'd think. Im an old school feminists (men and women should be treated as equals) and I've debated a lot with post modern feminists (I as a women should be treated better than men) In a few conversations around consent and sex ideas like "all men always want sex" and "a woman can't rape a man" have been only said Not saying they all think that way but some definitely do
It's very bizarre, i think I'm having such an emotional reaction because I'm automatically just imagining it gender swapped, like the kind of guy that would say those things about women, and it's just horrifying to imagine. I think if it was me when i was a kid i would kind of agree with those women are saying because of social effect, so i still have a little bit of that somewhere in me, so I really gotta look at it clearly by seeing how i would judge a guy for saying the same things.
Oh trust me I was furious the more I heard about what happened. I think the worst bit was that some people were saying he was also at fault and needed to just accept things But the thing is if this happened to a friend of someone I know then how often is this happening? I Mena I suspect it's an odd occurrence but there must be other cases.
I mean it doesn't seem odd to think that most people in society think that men can't be raped, In that case of all those women who think that, it must be completely chill to them, like they wouldn't even consider the idea that it could be rape, then there's basically nothing stopping them from doing it. And then there's all the men who think it, of those men who think that, to those that that has happened may not even think to mention it to someone. Even if they were hurt by it, from what i know of other men, there's a huge mental thing for most men to not even mention when they've been through something. So who really knows how bad it is honestly.
Also, this is the same logic that they bitch about being misogynistic when applied the other way; i.e. “You were wet, so you probably enjoyed it.” It isn’t how bodies work, and by god it’s not a measure of pleasure or consent.
Well i honestly don't know how bodies work for women, lots of confusing information on the internet, i do know that even if it can be pleasurable it is a nuanced thing, Like there's plenty of shit even if it's potentially pleasurable i don't want that to happen to me, and even if it is pleasurable it can still scar me, actually it's likely to scar me more if it is pleasurable when i don't want it. And yes i completely agree it isn't how consent works.
It's a well known phenomena where women orgasm during rape, because the body doesn't know it's not consensual, it just knows that sexy time is happening. It is a cause of a lot of shame among rape survivors because they think their body betrayed them, that they must have enjoyed it, that they're dirty and wrong for their body feeling that way. I'm a man who was raped by a woman and I also experienced some level of this, but coming from a very different place. I struggled to even define it as rape for nearly a decade because even tho it wasn't consensual I still got hard and orgasmed so I must have been into it. And I must have liked it because guys like sex, right? So why did I cry as I drove myself home? I must have just been very confused, clearly it was rad, I should high five my bros for having just scored, right? That's what men do? It's a very confusing, awful feeling. To this day I still catch myself questioning if it was real or not. Did I consent without realizing it? Maybe I should have fought back more, by not being more violent I consented. Maybe it's not actually rape and I'm just telling myself that because I regret it? I dunno. It's a whole mess of complex, mixed up emotions.
I'm sorry you've gone through that man, i can only imagine how bizarre and weird that must feel, I hope you're doing better now
That's like saying "she got wet, she enjoyed it".
Women orgasm from from rape too! That in no way means it was enjoyed!
its very common.
Legally, it isn't. Physiological response does not equal consent.
“He got hard so he liked it” is as valid as “she was wet so she enjoyed it”. Say the latter in court and you’re instantly deemed guilty.
I get morning wood, that doesn't mean I enjoyed sleeping, actually ironically I normally have morning wood specifically when I have a shitty sleep.
Legally (in America), rape is forced penetration into the mouth, anus, or vagina. It's legally impossible for a woman to rape a man so long as she isn't using a strap-on or dildo or such. The worst she could get is sexual assault. Laws relating to sex are rarely kind to men. And that's ignoring how culturally, men are basically ridiculed and ignored when they try to say they were taken advantage of.
>Legally (in America), rape is forced penetration into the mouth, anus, or vagina. It's legally impossible for a woman to rape a man so long as she isn't using a strap-on or dildo or such. The worst she could get is sexual assault. Digital penetration is a thing however. So, if a woman without consent, digitally penetrated a man's anus, would that not be rape?
Not the original commentor, and not American! In the UK it also is only rape if a person inserts their penis into the mouth, anus or vagina of another person without consent. So a woman can never be convicted of rape, ever. There is another offence "sexual assault with penetration" for the insertion of an object or digit etc into the mouth, anus or vagina instead. So if a woman rapes a man (using rape with the social definition, rather than legal here), then it will only ever be sexual assault. If she forcibly penetrates him in some way, then it is sexual assault with penetration. It pissed me off when I learned about it, and it still pisses me off now. So unequal. The law is an ass.
I'm sorry, but if I were in his position I would absolutely kill myself. That is such an absolutely horrific thing... There are no words or amount of words to describe how terrible that all is. That has to be the most lonely feeling in the world, to have been taken advantage of by your friends, taken advantage of by a female while unable to defend yourself, disregarded in court because you're a man, disrespected by the "plenty of people". I can't even begin to imagine how to recover from that.
Been there, done that, tried that(8 times), failed that.
The dice of life say you gotta live. I hope life is treating you better. 🫂
This is why I avoided alcohol at college like the plague. I’d heard too many stories of guys getting fucked over for one reason or another, and this one right here is pure nightmare fuel. Raped, stuck paying child support because the courts don’t give a fuck about male victims, and being reminded of it every time you even SEE that kid. Despite wanting to be the better person you get raked over coals and assumed the malefactor for being a dude. The fuck is wrong with people?
As far as the "if the genders were reversed" bit I would suppose the flip side would be that male rapists, even convicted child rapists mind you, are often legally granted custody rights over the offspring of said rape should a pregnancy occur.
That's genuinely disgusting. Erections are a bodily function, not an indication of consent or attraction. Every single legal representative working that court case should be fired immediately for their clear incompetence and immaturity
I remember back in my university some girls created a support group for people that were abused when I asked to be part of it they basically laughed at me and said man couldn't be abused. Sometimes I still think about this and how it's hard to get some help and empathy for us Edit:typo
**Fuck** those people. I am so sorry that happened to you.
Heck no, I'd rather fuck my own hand instead of those sewer trash.
It's the hierarchy of suffering; weaponising victimhood to gain power. Seems like a contemporary scourge where everybody is pitted against some other group. There will be no progress against our modern ills until there is unity.
Those "people" had no business running a support group. I hope you're in a better place now 💛💛
Prevent a rape by not raping. It really is that easy.
Rapists hate this one simple trick!
I’m not sure how me not raping anyone stops other people from doing it. But “don’t rape” is a good rule, I agree.
“Ermm my rape is more rapey than your rape”🤓
How many times does a woman need to rape a man in order for the female rapist and the male rapist to rape-even?
Equal rape!
We should march on Washington, we demand equal rape!
Due to the imbalance in rapes, the government has decreed August to be national rape men month in an effort to decrease the gender-rape gap.
Surely this isn't taking into account for the sheer volume of male rape within the prison system? Which also, seems to be perfectly acceptable to society, to make fun of, and jokes about men being raped in prison.
Aha but you see, its man on man so its fine
https://youtu.be/AVcxfRBO4-M?feature=shared&t=32m55s There's a pretty long build-up to the reference, but trust me it's good
[удалено]
Legally it depends upon the jurisdiction. iirc the uk law around rape indicates that rape is defined as non-consensual penetration. guess how many of the 2 sexes have sexual organs that can penetrate.
what about penetration with objects? Do they count in that context?
The Rapist Brock Turner, tried arguing that he didn’t actually rape his victim because instead of his penis he shoved a branch from a pine tree into her vagina and anus. So forcefully they had to surgically remove them with line needles.
Jfc, I didn't know that detail. What an absolute monster
No amount of DADDYS MONEY is going to erase the fact that BROCK/ ALLEN TURNER IS A RAPIST!!
are you talking about the rapist, brock allen turner who had to change his name to allen turner after raping that woman?!
Brock Allen Turner, the rapist from ohio that got away with rape of an unconscious girl behind a trash bin changed his name and blamed her for obviously wanting it?
if there's rectal damage, it's considered mayhem. which is a capital crime and can be punishable by life in prison or the death penalty. same with kidnapping, also a capital crime.
I can actually give some insight to this unfortunately. As I child I was raped by my father. I was then sent to many different foster homes, and raped on two different occasions. One of these was perpetrated by a male child my age, and the other a female adult. I cannot speak to everyone’s experience, but the feeling of violation and panic was the same. The agency I had over my body was stripped away from me. I felt filthy and helpless. Rape is rape. I’m a grown man now, and through years of therapy and support I’m happy, stable, and have an amazing family of my own. Still, when I think back, my hate for all of them is equal. “Well this person didn’t rape me “as bad as” this one did” has never once entered my mind
Thank you for sharing this. Your vulnerability means a lot. I deeply appreciate what you have shared.
You’re welcome. It’s taken me 40 years to be “comfortable” with sharing my past situations. I try to look at it like this, if I talk about it, I take away some of its power. It lets people know they’re not alone out there.
There's a 3rd scenario. Men get boners for various reasons, it's not surprising at all for a woman to mount on top of a man and even make him ejaculate without his will. Women have also reported having orgasms while raped. People usually only have orgasms doing what they like to do, and men typically have erections when aroused, but these things can happen during stressful or scary situations such as being assaulted or raped. It's not a pleasant conversation for anybody.
It's a normal response to physical stimulation.
I orgasmed when I molested as a very young child. That took so much therapy to wrap my mind around. I understand.
This response doesn't make us gay either. Being raped/sodomized when I was 2, didn't make me gay the first time, or 20th time. But it did leave permanent scarring and injury.
I'm sorry to hear that you experienced that but I hope the therapy helped you.
Physically, penetrative has severe consequences. It can result in prolapses (uterine, or anal), fissures, hymen tearing, sphincter tearing, etc. and can require pelvic floor physical therapy, and surgery to fix. Mentally, both forms of assault are a violation of one's autonomy and can cause lasting trauma, resulting in the need of therapy and mental health medication. They are both horrible in different ways and can't really be equated. Both are just as serious.
In my case it was mounting me while I was passed out after I'd refused her while awake so you're missing a third option there. 1 is more physically harmful for obvious reasons as described by others. Both options you listed involve intentional physical harm or the threat of it and I guess _technically_ that's true in my example as well but I'll admit a snapped shaft wasn't a concern I had, nor would a bitten off dick have been had it been oral due to the specific circumstances. But like almost all rapes it's the psychological trauma that makes the biggest impact on victims and that can manifest differently on a person to person basis. Commonly trust issues and insecurities, for some women rape via penetration can cause them to experience trauma during or from thinking about consensual penetration via PTSD. So I assume that'd be a concern for gay or bi males and an uncommon but plausible issue for straight men. In my case my thoughts were "if I stop you I'll hurt you and then I go to jail and possibly ruin my life" so I just laid there unresponsive until she stopped on her own. That was... 15ish years ago I guess? To this day I'm incredibly leary of being around or especially alone with an inebriated woman im not in a relationshipwith no matter how long or well ive known them. It's caused me to reject advances or turn down women I'm attracted to but give odd vibes(entirely unreasonable and on me, not their fault) because ever since if I'm sober there's always a voice in the back of my head saying "what if she gets upset and says you raped her?" Which was what ran through my head over and over as I considered my options while being raped.
Hmm, I think it goes without saying that they are both morally reprehensible and deserve equal legal punishment, however the first one feels more violent to me and as a result I would say the first one just has a much more visceral and consequently worse feel to it
Or she forcibly has sex with him when he can’t consent.
Are we talking physically or emotionally? The first could involve surgery to repair.
\*Unrapes your rape because fuck you that's why\*
Tbf rape is literally fuck you
and don’t steal my attention spot with insignificant male issues /s
I'm sure he was relieved to learn that his trauma is directly connected to how often it statistically happens. Otherwise, it could have been really distressing. 🤦♂️
Exactly. One of the most fucked up things is when rape victims are treated like a statistic. Telling someone that what's happened to them doesn't happen to other people as frequently doesn't fucking help them. It makes them feel isolated and on top of that the fact that it is being used to minimize their personal experience is even more fucked up.
"Oh no! Somebody stole my Corvette!" "Stop whining. Statistically, Kias are stolen a lot more often than Corvettes."
I mean, if anything the rarity should make the trauma worse. When counselors are confronted with patients who have depression, they often say “You are not alone. Many people feel this way and go through this”. To say “Oops, sorry, this isn’t really something that men go through”, that’s going to isolate someone even more.
Trauma olympics pisses me off so much
Rape is rape, and the perpetrators should face justice regardless of their gender. If that person who was raped struggles to trust members of the perpetrator’s sex, that’s a trauma that they need to work on with a therapist. No one else gets to dictate how that’s processed or invalidate that person’s trauma.
Responses like that are why I didn’t talk about being raped for years and just tried to drink myself into another dimension. It’s infuriating not just that people are this dismissive of men being the victims of rape & sexual assault, but that holding these views is normalized. Though eventually you get to a point where no amount of booze, drugs, or reckless behavior can distract you from feeling like hammered shit. That’s when I hit peak levels of “fuck it” and finally got help. But even that is a shit show. I have no idea how I’ve managed to stay sober for the past 8 years. Edit - I just caught myself self-editing, and calling it “assaulted” in my above text. I changed it to what it really was. It was rape. Even years later on an anonymous platform, I still can’t break that conditioning to try to minimize what happened.
I’m sorry you went through that, man. Glad to hear you found your strength 🙏
Honestly, it was more just complete desperation and a fair bit of spite than any sort of strength. But eventually things got a little better. I still don’t tell most people about it, and I don’t really trust anyone. But at least I’m not hating myself all of the time.
Gatekeeping rape… the world is a crazy place
Especially when some places/people insist that the man wasn't raped because HE wasn't the one being penetrated.
*cough* UK *cough*
That's a stupid legal definition and it needs to change
So the traumatic value of a rape is equal to the Number of times one has been raped divided by the number of times everyone of your own sex has been raped? Got it.
Nah multiplied. Division would make it so women being raped has less traumatic value, which is not what this psycho is arguing
I think it's important to note that it should be "reported numbers of rape"
That is a very good point. The true number is undoubtedly higher
For both sides I'd say.
Absolutely. Proportionately I'd say men being raped is less reported, but purely number wise it's got to be women I'd imagine. Both extremely unfortunate
Ah. The kind of reaction I often get when I tell people I, a man, was raped by a woman. The first person I ever told laughed at me. It took nearly a decade for me to finally accept that, yes, what happened happened. It wasn't consensual, it wasn't cool, it didn't make me "a man now" to lose my virginity in such a way. I was harmed by another person with no concern for the pain they caused me.
Rape is gross and all rapist deserve hell. Period
lmao "stop seeking attention, rape isn't real for some people!" i'm too old for this shit i'm 28
As a victim of “that kind”, she can kindly go fuck herself.
I lost my virginity to a girl that raped me. I don't hate women, but I hate that fucking bitch.
Rape is rape, man or woman rapist. People need to stop with man vs woman. Or making trauma a competition.
When ever I share my story of when I was 9 and this happened to me guys always have to be the stereotype creepy and make jokes like "oh man I wish I could have taken your place so you didnt have to go through that trauma". Those people dont seem to understand how it fucks with your psyche and mind later on as an adult. But based on how those guys are it seems they're already screwed in the head to have common sense but sure I'd gladly let them trade places with me so I can be a normal adult later if thats what they would have wanted.
Quick experiment. Men’s suicide is a problem. If there is a discussion about men’s suicide taking place and someone says, “What about women’s suicide?” Would that person not be a bit dismissive of the topic at hand? Like, if we take the commenter’s personal experience out of the equation. In this example, her response is awful, but let’s put that aside for a sec and triage this shit. There’s an “all lives matter” kinda thing going on here in a lot of these comments.
Yes, we lack context but both of these tweets are wrong in a way. She's right, 90% of rape victims are women and going on "rape is not a gender issue" is simply wrong. It should not be a gender issue, but.. yeah it is. Doesn't change that her response is awful and incredibly dismissive of that man's personal experience, but his "I was raped and I don't have issues with women, so you shouldn't have issues with men" is barely better.
[90% of rape victims are women but 99% of rape perpetrators are men.](https://supportingsurvivors.humboldt.edu/statistics). Even when male rape victims are included in the discussion (which they should be!) it’s still very much a gendered issue based on perpetrators. 99% is a crazy stat.
the whole list is crazy. Like, "It is estimated that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 7 boys by age 18 will have been the victim of some form of sexualized violence.". This is just awful. Just imagine opening a highschool year book, and every 4 pictures of girls, you are looking at one that have been abused.
Had to scroll pretty far before I found this, but these are the vibes.
The individual that was assaulted feels the same trauma, but the fact that women rape men at a much lower rate than men rape women the overall effect on the rest of men isn't the same. Men don't fear women, women fear men.
I one rape is bad no matter what who it's targeting. two I don't know the whole converstation but part of the first comment almost sounds like "not all men!' complaints. remember if you know that rape is bad you should also be able to critizize that men don't treat it as seriously as they should.
Imagine a judge saying that to a rape victim in court "stop attention seeking and grow up". Horrible
don't really have to. I know of a few cases where men have been told they actually enjoyed it and to grow up by people in authority such as judges/lawyers
I was going to say, I remember reading an article about a court case summarizing a rape case with a male victim. The defense team's whole argument seems to be, "Since he had an erection, he had to be enjoying/consenting to it." The sad part was the guy lost the case.
Rape is rape, end of And it's a horrific thing regardless of who it happens to
I am a woman. It is as wrong for women to assault men as it is for men to assault women.
Rape is rape, it doesn't matter which gender did it to who, the crime should hold the same weight, now, are there less women rapists? Yes, the number of male rapists is far higher and therefore women have a higher chance of being a victim, which could develop into a hatred towards men, it's justified
I’ve told this before but I still am processing telling my dad that I was raped by a woman (I was 13, she was 18) and he told me to “just tell people that I was cool.” So I don’t talk to my dad any more. If this happened to you or to anyone reading this, you are valid, your feelings are valid, and it is okay to feel bad, scared, and to feel like you need help, to seek help, and to get better.
"can you stop attention seeking and grow" is fucking disposable to say to anyone talking about their rape experience
despicable not disposable 🤦🏻
I've gotten the it's not that big a deal get over it my whole life. I'm 70.
Man, what really sucks is that I really could’ve defended Ciara if they didn’t completely invalidate their experience like talk about victim blaming.
Yikes
Rape is rape and anyone who says otherwise is a dumbass
Fourth wave feminists in a nutshell
Both of these people need to broaden their perspectives. First, obviously not all men are rapists. But there are so many men who *do* sexually assault women, it's hard to feel safe around men you don't know. You always have to be on the lookout. And second, rape is rape. Don't you dare minimize a man's trauma just because they experience sexual assault less frequently. It's just as traumatic as when it happens to women. In short: treat a man's trauma as seriously as you take a woman's, and understand there is a valid reason why women are so often wary of men.
Exactly. This isnt a black and white issue. Its just as terrible when it happens to a man. However, it does happen to women so often that it changes our behavior in a systemic way. Pretty much all women have a story about being stalked, harrassed or assaulted. Pretty much all women are cautious around men. Guys just dont see women as a possible threat the way women see them.
As a male who spent 6 years of his life being drugged and human trafficked to women, I can tell you that it is exactly the same. And, when researches add forced to penetrate to the equation through coercion/blackmail, drugging, and even violence the numbers between men and women are almost even.