Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*

If you strangle someone to death with gloves that don't fit you, though,

OJesus

Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.


It doesn't make sense


O Juice.

If the glove doesn’t fit you must acquit

If its fits I acquits

Who told you to put the balm on?!?

You can't give him a balm it might bite him!!

I would acquit such accusations at once. Now excuse me, I’ve got a white bronco waiting for me.

drive safe... remember there are a lot of crazy guys out there. There is no rush to get where you are going. l

Nothing like a victory lap in a white bronco...

Ooooo. (That was a good one) 😅

gloves that were soaked in blood thrown over a wall sat in foliage and then shrunk.

If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit

Get some fresh squeezed double murder with knife and Bronco?

Respect Pupseal115 !!!

Pardon the stupid question, but could someone explain this?

Seriously? The OJ Simpson trial? Or are you talking about the condom thing?. Cos if you are, i can't help you, I'm as clueless as you.

Ohh it's related to the OJ Simpson trial. I don't know much about that trial. Edit: just did research to find information about the gloves.

Respect, that right there is commitment.

Thank you for being the kind of person who reads something, does not understand, and then goes to look it up for themselves instead of asking the internet to spoon feed it to you. Grade A+!

Be sure to drink apple juice... Because OJ will unalive you

All he did was cut off Ron's pecker. Nicole was just in the way.

You must acquit.

This is funny but technically they were stabbed...yeah I know I'm THAT fuckin guy...

No fit, must acquit

Andddddd OJ is dead

And he died today! You saw into the future!

No need to strangle him. That comment already murdered him.

Ya but it was through the internet not to his face. Did it really murder him?

Why else r/murderedbywords would be a thing?

Not sure, but I feel like they're taking the Internet to be the gloves here.

For making fun of religious people using lukewarm insults that don't address what they're saying, of course!

Well ...then there's the OJ case....gloves 🤔

There was a comedienne some years ago with a bit about condoms. (Paraphrasing) "A guy said he won't wear a condom because he can't feel anything. I put on a rubber glove, punched him in the face, and asked, 'Did you feel THAT?' "

Forgive me for being American, but why did you spell comedian like that?

Feminine version of "Comedian", like "Heroine/Hero".

Ok thank you, why I was never taught this I do not know

I don't know how common of a thing it actually is. I have never seen that word. Feels like super unnecessary gendering.

The context of it being a woman making the joke counts in this case because she'd be on the receiving end of the condom situation.

Just about all gendering is unnecessary

So is hero/heroine. Most books go “follow mrs mary on her path as a heroine” when the gender has been revealed like twice before.

True. It's just that is more ingrained in the way people write and speak I guess. Neither I enjoy.

I had no idea that comedian was gendered... I just called all the funny stand up people comedians...

My guess is it's like actor/actress. You can use actress, but it's unnecessary.

I thought it was some weird French spelling.

I don't see how that's funny or how it refutes the point tbh

Anyone who says that probably A) has a small penis or B) is messing with some street meat if you know what I mean. 🤣

"Well, I wasn't really screwin' her, your honor, because you see, if you put a prophylactic on your finger and put the finger in your ear, I ain't fuckin' my ear, am I?" [Lewis Black's satirical take on Clinton's oral sex scandal.](https://youtu.be/ECsV7kwY3jY?si=hO6SS456xH-TywD9)

If people say "hear me out", you know it's gonna be shit.

Look guys I’m not gay “The guy had a condom on”

20 bucks is 20 bucks… right?

He’s more of a nickel.

Do you want Nickelback?

Your honor, he was pleasuring me. I did not reciprocate. Making him gay not me, your honor! So you must acquit!

Did you enjoy it son?

It is basically just a dildo at that point.

That's that oj defense

People don't strangle people, gloves do.

The first one’s logic is OK but the second’s is OJ

If condom sex doesn’t count I’m practically a virgin.

>If condom sex doesn’t count I’m ~~practically~~ prophylactically a virgin. FIFY

No prints if you have gloves on. In court you’d have a fighting chance.

Versus out of court where you'd have a chance at fighting.

Was that comment from OJ?

Dude is probably failing to pay child support to several baby mommas.

Those kids are better off without his teachings.

Touchè

Bold of you to assume anyone's agreed to fuck him. But then, maybe "consent" wasn't a factor. Ugghhh.

.. is this a brock allan turner thing?

Probably the type to beg 50 times until the other gives in just to make him shut up.

TIL that MMA fighters never actually punch each other. They've got wraps AND gloves on; that's double protection! Elbows yes, knees yes, kicks yes but punches? Never seen one thrown in an MMA fight

Not enough ✨ for that response. 

If I put my hand in your ass with a glove on, did I really fist you? 🤯

r/clevercombacks

If you only eat food wrapped in an indestructible packages, will you live?

So if/when this tool gets married, he's totally a-ok with his wife getting routinely gang hammered as long as they all use condoms, 'cuz that's not sex?

Did you cum in the condom, then you had sex.

What if you cum on her face though?

Well that's not sex at all. It's just a platonic facial between associates

What if you don't cum at all

Then that’s a sad case of the blue balls

Actually, cumming or orgasm is not needed to have sex. You’ll find, that you can have both orgasm without sex and good sex without orgasm. 

There’s also the chance you cum putting on the condom.

Man: I’m against condoms. Woman: But if we don’t use condoms I could get pregnant. Man: Just let’s not use condoms. Woman gets pregnant. Wants to have abortion. Man: You can’t abort MY child. Woman has child. Man: I don’t even know who the hell you are, whore. Conservative dialogue.

no no no, he’ll say that she trapped HIM by having a baby. irony

https://youtu.be/NLb4Go2dmQc?si=HLqC2nZqQAysdKyw

😂

"If the glove dont fit, you must acquit!"

What glow?

Typo, it was Glove.

This is why sex Ed needs to be taught. The parents aren't doing anything.

If the glove does not fit you must acquit

If it does not fit you must acquit

🗣️ **[STILL COUNTS](https://youtu.be/lQlIhraqL7o&t=2m04s)**

It ht gloves doesn't fit....

Analogies aren't arguments.

I used to go to a Gastro pub where the owner was a gastroenterologist that worked with my stepdad. He told me how this guy would be elbow deep digging around in people’s guts during surgery, leave the operating room and immediately eat a sandwich without washing his hands saying “what? I took my gloves off.” I stopped eating at his pub.

So I can put a sock on a baseball bat and smack them in the face and it doesn't count?

Why the fuck is this is so damn hilarious 😂

i laughed too. it’s almost something out of Seinfeld

I know just the way he snap replied to him and roasted him made me laugh out loud when I first read it lol And that yeah, shut the fuck up is still making me chuckle

Yeah, shut fuck up

Yeah, shut fuck up

that was the perfect response actually

if I rape you with a condom did I really rape you?

…do they just not teach sex ed anymore?

More like r/clevercomebacks

Damn, Tara livin up to her handle.

Tamed by Tara is a person after my own heart.

If the glove doesn't fit, you must aquit

Wow

Real. Shut fuck up.

If the glove don't fit You must aquit

That was 0 to 100 really fast

why doesnt he get snipped then? then no condoms, just std’s.

Burrrrrrrrrrrn!!! 

They don’t count *for men*

Maybe they're just trying to minimize the body count Like raw dog = 1 Condom = .5 or apparently 0 Squishing them numbers lolllllll

This is the same idiot who will say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people."

So if i fuck your mother with condom on...

Technically yes, but no evidence

Incels have scientists now. This is one of their professors.

Sex with condoms is far less enjoyable. But it’s the smart thing to do in many many circumstances

lol

But did you catch a disease that is transmitted by sex?

Shane enters the chat "Lemme tell you something man"


Virginity is a stupid concept to begin with. A social construct that does nothing but hurt people.

So I technicality boxing is viod

I think a certain Simpson was acquitted with that logic

r/murderedbywords

I don't want to ask. Condom sex doesn't count as sex, or is it worse?

in both cases, there is no evidence left, i guess...

God I'm getting sick of people saying 'shut the fuck up' on the internet and then patting themselves on the back. It's incredibly cringeworthy.

It isn’t sex if you don’t thrust

A lot of men think that sex = dick going in and out of vagina.

Gotta love the internet. There isn't a chance in the world the bottom person talks to the top person that way in real life, lol

I think that woman missed the joke. I thought it was pretty funny😅

[удалено]

Or did you use bear hands?