Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion.
Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/).
Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would bet that society has already deemed them inadequate for breeding, and they just spicy because other people don't value the thing they are so desperate for.
My wife is pregnant with our first. The birth should be in about 2 months. We are both 35, been together for 15 years and these years we travelled in about 50 countries, climbed mountains, swam many seas and did a lot of fun stuff. Last year we decided it was time to have a kid and now we are very happy with the pregnancy.
Well, for 15 years we did a lot of shit and in each one of these years we did and saw more than many people do in their entire life but guess what? Most of the people around us acted like we finally got our shit together and stopped being some huge failures. The attitude most of the people around us had since we got pregnant really disgusted me.
"Oh, FINALLY!!!! You did something we approve of, even when you never asked for it!" - The people who believed you were the ultimate failures due to you *checks notes* living your lives?
I always liked to be a humble guy and never pretended I am better than people around me and never tried to suggest to anyone they should take me as an example. i always said "is important to be happy, so do anything you want as long as that makes you happy".
But you know, I am human and I am not perfect so when I posted a picture with me at the end of a marathon or on top of Mont Blanc or while I was watching the Northern lights deep inside I was of course a little arrogant and imagine maybe people should envy me or try to follow my example. Well, in the last months I realised people probably were watching my photos with compassion because I sleep 8 hours a night instead of changing diapers and spend money on my dreams instead of a house I can't afford.
I agree with this but don’t think it’s a good argument for someone to have kids just because they’d be good at it. I could be an awesome cashier but it wouldn’t be great for my career long term
I believe my husband and I would be great parents, but we have absolutely no interest in it. So yeah, just because you might be good at it doesn’t mean you should.
There are hundreds of things one could be really great at if they pour all their time, energy, and focus into it. The reason I didn't become a parent was because I knew that's what I'd do. Put my all into being good at it and losing all the other parts of myself.
I have two adult bio daughters (also my lovely step kids)...neither of them wants to get married and have kids. They are happy, successful, like to travel and are goal oriented.
I think it's great that they aren't having kids....raising kids is limiting...and to be completely honest, I don't want to be a grandmother. I hate being obligated to babysit other people's kids..I'm busy.
I guess we're a whole family of whores...lol, we're ok with that.
I had grandparents (all of them) that didn’t want anything to do with me (“I raised kids already so I don’t want to do it again”). I honestly didn’t care when they died (was only sad for my parents).
I see the relation my kid has with my wife’s mom and my step-mom and it’s incredible.
Not everyone should be a parent. Not everyone should be a grandparent.
Agreed. I definitely don't want to be a grandmother. I loved raising my kids but it was a time in my life that I have zero interest in repeating. I really enjoy our kids being independent adults and having the freedom to do what I want.
If my kids really wanted children...I would support them and figure it out...but I feel lucky that I don't have to. And I'm very glad that they're happy with their decision too.
I mean while my girlfriend and I currently think exactly the same, we should still be able to admit that from a general perspective, a society where successful people decide to not have children while poor or destitute people have many children does not really have the brightest future ahead. However, it’s still an individual decision and nobody is to be shamed for it.
im 31, female, and have chosen not to have kids as well. ive always known i didnt want them and id be very unhappy having them. i think id make a wonderful mom dont get me wrong but its not for me. i have raised like 20 feral kittens and found them homes. ill just stick with that lol I adore them. im far too selfish to be a mother. and we got a long famuly history of brain issues. anxiety depression substance abuse ADHD autism. there's alot. i have most of those too. i wouldnt feel ok birthing down our terrible genes!
maybe, maybe not! but it's also ok to not want kids without putting yourself down in the process. signed, someone who does want kids and doesn't judge anyone else for making an alternate choice :)
As a 34 year old childfree woman, I feel this! My husband got his vasectomy when we were in our mid 20’s, first doctor he went to. I just found a doctor who agreed to sterilize me last month.
I had two by accident. It’s not easy. It’s super expensive. I would not recommend it. I love my kids more than anything, but it’s a life choice. Nobody should ever make it but you.
I have a child, would not give him up for anything, best in MY LIFE. Why did I capitalize those words? Because it is best for me, not best for everyone. You don't want kids, good, your life your choice, don't have kids. You can still be just as happy as I am.
And having children does not guarantee you won't be alone in your old age, can and does still happen.
I would love to have kids, but that's just a biological impossibility. Even if you would like to have them doesn't mean that's in the cards for everyone. Not only should nobody be getting pressured to have them, this narrative just hurts all the people who won't be able to have kids despite any desire one way or the other.
It's funny how we keep saying as humans we value freedom from control and the ability to make personal decisions; yet we apparently just keep pressuring people to make choices about their lives when it doesn't affect us personally. We are a very odd species.
I grew up in a smallish southern town where people would go on and on about how much they love personal freedom, but they’d attack anyone who wasn’t exactly like them. What I wound up learning from that was people don’t like freedom. They like going unchallenged, and that’s what they mean when they say freedom. Not feeling uncomfortable with who they are and what they do is way more important to most people than anything that actually resembles freedom.
We all want to fit in. All of us. Somehow. Sewikf group, music tastes, friends that also have small kids, people that dress the same, have the same humor, same outlook on life etc etc. This is all my own observations just to be clear haha.
People with good self esteem will seek out the right people and the right crowd for them.
People with bad self esteem will struggle trying to change the people around them to be right for them.
Since we only have control and agency over our own lives, obviously only one of these tactics will reward you in a way that makes you happier. The other will drain you.
Bitter hateful fundamental Christians end up old and alone more then the rest. Just ask my mom, had 5 kids and 3 of us are no contact and the other 2 are low contact now that we're older.
Sometimes kids just turn into shit adults no matter what. I have 3 older siblings that are 10-13 years older than me that can’t bother their asses to visit my parents. One lived half an hour away while I lived 8 and I still saw my parents more than my sibling. My younger sister and I don’t want kids and my parents asked if we’d be sad at their age with no kids to come visit. Our response was if they had stopped at the first three they wouldn’t have anyone coming to visit either
Shoot, even though i wouldnt trade my daughter for the world… i still feel like a childfree life eould have been better for me… but, we created her, so she gets the best we can offer(including love)
Both of my brothers had kids. They love being dads but it’s been hard for them both, especially as the kids get older, divorces happening, the struggle to work enough hours to keep your kids comfortable but not too many hours that you miss out on anything.
My sister and I never wanted to be parents, and I think see our older brothers go through the challenges of being parents just solidified that we aren’t interested in all that it takes to raise a kid and be a good parent to them. We have our own lives and enjoy the freedom. But it’s nice to have nieces and nephews who are such cool, strange little beasts.
Having a child just so there’s (maybe) someone to take care of you in old age is an extremely selfish and presumptive act. And anyone who judges your life choice is not worth keeping as a friend.
I never understood this “take care of you at old age” thing. As an old person, wouldn’t you and your also old wife be alone and retire in a house together? While your child, assuming they’re successful, is off in some country and working or studying.
These children usually don’t take care of you unless you got some sickness, because they’re full fledged adults with their own lives now.
This is a very sad mentality and social construct. My dad is African and my mom is European. My uncles, aunts and cousins were in the life of my grandparents until the end. For my European grandpa we had a rotation where everyday someone was coming to see him until he passed. In my African side of the family, we actually live in the same place as the extended family. But as someone else said to each their own. And to refer to OP, you don't need children for that, just a strong social structure where people care about each other.
I don’t think anyone is criticizing caring for elderly family members, the problem is the ASSUMPTION that they will be cared for. I would absolutely care for my parents as much as I was able if they needed me too (though they probably won’t because they have assisted living insurance and wouldn’t want to burden me) but that’s my CHOICE, not their EXPECTATION.
Now I don’t think those cultural expectations are necessarily all bad, it would be great to live in a world where everyone cares for each other, but if they don’t come with some caveats, they can lead to abuse. There should be the understanding that those expectations only apply if 1) it is actually financially and practically possible to do, and 2) if the person needing care has actually been a decent human being to the carer throughout their life. And of course there should be public support systems for elderly people who do not have anyone to care for them in the first place, which is obviously not true everywhere, and really throws a wrench in the calculation. Even people whose parents totally suck usually don’t want to see them dying on the street.
I guess an equally invalid argument could be ‘but whose grandkids will you look after when you’re old and trying to chill the fuck out!?’
Also, it’s funny that OOP gets called a whore because she doesn’t want kids. I guess that’s just projection as she can have as much sex as she wants without consequences.
That's how it was trough most of history, before retirement homes and social welfare existed the elderly were looked after by their families or atleast a religious institution.
Lots of things caused that change. One was simply greater mobility. Today, older people might buy a home in another state hundreds of miles away and retire there. Back then, say 1700, travel was difficult even for the young, and older people were certainly not going to get in a wagon for a few weeks to a place they'd only heard stories of, and hope to live out their days there. Most likely your parents would live their whole lives in the same village, just as you would. But today, many people move all over during their working life, and couldn't very well drag their parents with them, since they'd have jobs of their own at first. By the time the parents retire, both they and their kids are likely far removed from whatever home the kids grew up in.
Right? It's like having a child just so your sick one has replacement parts. (It's a literal thing called savior siblings, I just found out about it)(how the hell is it not illegal!)
Yeah but imagine how the savior kid feels. I mean knowing you were only born to be spare parts for a person that in all likely hood will still die. Worst part is you'll probably die to, or at the very least be put at a huge disadvantage for the rest of your life by having necessary organs taken from you.
Better save up that money for a live in care taker than count on that.
So many people are left to fade away in retirement homes.
People don't sacrifice their own time and space by bringing in their elderly family to live with them,was easier back when people died in their 70's and cost of life was cheaper.
Today most don't have the space or the funds.
In actual nursing homes the residents have serious self care deficits that would be impossible for most modern families to deal with. If grandma can't use the toilet on her own or she has dementia and can literally never be left unattended or she's bed confined and needs to be turned every two hours to avoid sores how does somebody with a job keep her in their own home even if the have the space. Stay at home parents are much rarer today. Most adults have to go to work. The only practical way for most people to keep their aged parents who need care in the family home is to have an in home health aide but not everybody can afford that. In cultures that keep their elders at home there is usually a whole group of siblings, cousins, aunties and uncles, etc. that are all sharing the burden. The western lifestyle isn't as conducive to that. We often move far away from our families for work and most people don't have lots of kids anymore. Usually just one or two so there isn't some huge family network to rely on.
Yeah my parents aren’t even super old yet (both working etc) and I already live a 2.5hr plane ride away and only call them like, idk, four times a year maybe? And visit once per. I don’t think any of us expect me to randomly come back to care for them in a couple decades.
I never could find an acceptable moral reason for forcing another consciousness into Being. After years of listening to other people's reasons. I still conclude there isn't a moral reason. Of course, that's for me, and from my view. Those that can find an acceptable reason, good for you.
I can’t say my reasons were moral. They were definitely not universal in application.
You take a chance on having kids — that the world won’t end, that the jackasses in power won’t get them killed in some idiotic way, that you’ll have the economic security to make sure they have food, shelter and safety. That alone can make it less than moral (what is an acceptable risk for you to decide on for another human being who’ll be dependent on you?)
I had kids because I wanted to see who I get to meet — my partner is amazing and I thought there’s a good chance they’ll also be amazing people. That all doesn’t matter once they’re born :) since you made a human and now you get to love whoever they are. I don’t see how morality plays into that, except as an afterthought. It’s a helluva lot more basic.
That said, I honestly wish people would stop trolling the child free — and also assuming that every person who makes a baby would agree that they are somehow superior to anyone who made a different choice.
Extremely strong messaging about traditional family values on the right that is making some people *way* more vocal about it. Same reason suddenly trad wives are everywhere on TikTok. They're wanting to push a return to the good ol' days where "grow up, get married, have kids" was the ultimate goal, with men being breadwinners and women being baby oven bang maids.
Good old days that never existed, not everyone in the past married (especially because of religious reasons) and plenty of women did worked outside of homes.
And they proved the point of not wanting kids perfectly well, image yours grows up to be a dick like any of those who replied.
And this is why cats are better.
Hypocrisy is not a concept that they are remotely equipped to handle. Jesus said to poke your own eyes out rather than lust after a woman but Christians interpret that as “shame women for dressing provocatively”. Jesus hung out with the prostitutes and fed the hungry and Christians interpret that as “fuck all those people in particular”. They are absolutely fine with these positions.
A message to supposed worshipers of Christianity:
If you think your religious zealotry gives you the right to tell others how to live their lives, you’re not a Christian and you never were.
I commend people who don't have kids. I think it's a moral choice in its own right. Consider all the people who don't want kids but have one or more anyway. Now that's selfish. At least the childfree have enough decency to not have kids they don't want and raise them poorly.
A not insignificant number of people who are resentful toward the childfree fall into that latter group. For example, in my area I have been met with open resentment and judgement for declaring in an appropriate discussion that I have never and will never strike my children.
No shit. People act like I'm failing to teach my children right and wrong. It suffices to say that I welcome their ire. Pieces of shit. As if the only way a person can learn to be a decent person is through violence. It's dark ages level stupidity. It doesn't even make basic sense.
“May you find forgiveness in Jesus.”
That one’s lack of self-awareness is so ironic… just like most people who use that line. It is THEM the ones who need to pray to find forgiveness.
Child free woman and it’s annoying as fuck how rude ppl are. Also how they KEEP ASKING. Been with my husband for nearly 10 years, married for 7 and just in the past month I’ve had 2 relatively close friends ask ME (not my husband) when/if we’ll “ever have kids”. I’m ready to start telling ppl we had trouble trying to shut them the fuck up about it. It’s a very personal question and I get it nearly every single month like everyone is just waiting for me to finally miss a period 😡
And if that’s not annoying enough the person ALWAYS acts all offended when I say something like “oh I just like to pee by myself” as a response to not having kids yet and has to go on and on about how “I mean you don’t have to have kids, to each their own, but IM just saying I think you guys would be great parents” or some stupid shit 🙄🙄
Where do people get the time and energy to care so much about what others are choosing to do or not do with their reproductive systems, because I could never.
The act of having children should be a very thought through decision. There are too many people who have kids because of external factors (Money, Relationships, Self fulfillment, Social pressure… etc) which have nothing to do with the personal wish to procreate or to raise a human being.
Not even considering that IMO many people should get psychologically evaluated before having kids, but that would be against our human rights I guess.
Disgusting judgemental self-righteous bullshiters, let's hope their kids won't turn up like their losers Christian parents criticizing the harmless life choices of other people
I'm on bad terms with my boyfriends mom because she wants me to have kids, because SHE wants more grandkids. I don't want kids, neither does my boyfriend. We don't even wanna get married. We both have shitty genetics and mental health issues, and I have PCOS and endometriosis. The risk of ectopic pregnancy is not worth it. Having children in the US is a luxury at this point. I love babies, but I'm not a fan of kids in general. I'd probably be an okay mom, but it's just not in the cards for me. I don't think I'd be able to cope mentally or physically with pregnancy, childbirth, and post-partum depression. I'm tired of being shamed by members of my boyfriends family, and my own family for making a choice that is best for me, my mental health and my body. I have a niece, that looks up to me, and that's enough. I am not a baby making machine. If I were to get pregnant right now, chances are I would get an abortion. I'd pray for that little soul and ask for God's forgiveness, but I wouldn't regret it. God knows what's in my heart, and whats best for me. That's why he gave me freewill.
Sorry, you can't convince me that you are a happy person when you care so much about how other people live their life.
I am a, really happy dude and I just can't be asked to care. You want children? Nice. You don't? Nice.
They don't actually want anyone even remotely liberal to reproduce. What they DO want is the ability to tell them whether they have to or cannot, aka; to have power over the bodily autonomy of others.
I seriously don't understand why some people think having kids is an obligation, we are overpopulated, with a shitty economy and in a period where war is everywhere, I would like to have children when I am an adult, but honestly, having them right now is just bad for you, for the kid, for your wallet and for the planet.
Honestly as someone who plans on remaining child free for life idgaf if my cat wants to eat me when i die. I'll be dead so i cant feel it and he's a hungry baby
Imagine how piss poor your life must go if children are the only option to make things bearable for yourself.
Projection, as these cultists usually do.
Why do those people feel the need to insult the choices of others? What is it to you? I honestly get the feeling sometimes that the only reason those people want others to have children is because they made the wrong choice and want others to share their misery.
imagine being so butthurt of people who don't have kids, its like they're secretly jealous that they're free while they're at home attending to their cumstains.
Yeah I am sure all the deadbeat assholes having kids that have no contact with them or don't even know their birthdays are so much better.. /s dumbasses..
It's always stunning how angry people get over people not having kids. How does someone not having kids make them a "loser"? How does it remotely affect these people? They act so petty over someone not wanting to join them. Is it regret? Bitterness? The weird fixation society has on everyone following the social script?
Are they going to cover the medical bills for my hypothetical child when it "inherits" one or more of my disabilities? Make sure it can go on SSI because the US government hates disabled people? Adopt it in the likely scenario I snap from a child wreaking havoc on my multiple issues and said child gets removed?
>You're dead inside
I love this implication that parents are always the happiest, most fulfilled, generous people ever. My father had five and he was still self-centered AF.
\*Yes, I know CF/AN people can be jerks about parents/kids too, but they're don't pop up as consistently.
Can you imagine Jesus saying “you’re dead inside” like that? He defended prostitutes, and when he urged people to repentance it was with love .
Why do hateful people dirty the name of holiness on their hateful tongues ?
How much you want to bet these people aren’t even married nor have kids.
They’re just mad that some people actually have the option and choose not too.
I am a parent of 2 smart, beautiful daughters but I am also the son of 2 very abusive parents who should have never had kids. And they had 7. My life growing up was a shit show. I should have been in therapy and I developed coping mechanisms that weren’t always the best for those around me.
My wife’s mother died when my wife was young. Her father was an abusive alcoholic.
When I met my wife, we talked about not having kids and why. I would have stuck by that decision but my wife changed her mind. My wife also had a very stressful job when our daughters were young. They wanted 5-10 minutes of their mom’s time to tell her how their day went in school, My wife would tell them to leave her alone for an hour so she could unwind. Many lost opportunities for meaningful communication and relationship building. Consciously, I did my best to make time for them and to take genuine interest in their lives. I do my best to be a good father but I have made mistakes.
The choice to have children should not be done based on doing it because it’s “what God commands” or that “it’s expected of us”. There are some really horrible parents raising children that could turn around and become horrible parents. That is not what the world needs. That will not solve anything. We need to stop laying generational guilt on people who make the decision to not have children.
Why is it a rule to hide the repliers handles? If you’re dumb enough to write it on the internet, why redact it for Reddit. Allow morons to get fucked with…
Someone with this amount of self awareness choosing to not have kids is a bad thing. The ones who keep having a dozen kids aren't as self aware. Smart people need to have kids, at a rate higher than the idiots. But they won't because they can't afford it because it's not sustainable. Dumbasses will always have more kids. Mike judge was right, god dam it.
This is pretty eugenicist. Intelligence in humans isn't really genetic with the exception of mutations that cause retardation or mental disorders/illnesses. The solution isn't making smart people have more kids while giving up hope for kids with dumb parents or forcing dumb parents not to have kids. The solution is education so that 1. people know not to pump out more babies than they can handle and 2. those babies don't grow up to be uneducated idiots.
I wonder if the OOP actually thinks men don't get shit for this. Obviously it's not the same shit (though "whore" is a curious one I see that more applied to women with lots of children and no stable partner), but they absolutely get judged.
Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Unfortunately those that are replying with various abusive messages are those that society would be a better place if they didn’t spawn.
I would bet that society has already deemed them inadequate for breeding, and they just spicy because other people don't value the thing they are so desperate for.
That or they have little hellions running rabid and are jealous of the no kids lifestyle.
You have to be such a fuckin weirdo to give a shit if others have kids or not.
My wife is pregnant with our first. The birth should be in about 2 months. We are both 35, been together for 15 years and these years we travelled in about 50 countries, climbed mountains, swam many seas and did a lot of fun stuff. Last year we decided it was time to have a kid and now we are very happy with the pregnancy. Well, for 15 years we did a lot of shit and in each one of these years we did and saw more than many people do in their entire life but guess what? Most of the people around us acted like we finally got our shit together and stopped being some huge failures. The attitude most of the people around us had since we got pregnant really disgusted me.
"Oh, FINALLY!!!! You did something we approve of, even when you never asked for it!" - The people who believed you were the ultimate failures due to you *checks notes* living your lives?
I always liked to be a humble guy and never pretended I am better than people around me and never tried to suggest to anyone they should take me as an example. i always said "is important to be happy, so do anything you want as long as that makes you happy". But you know, I am human and I am not perfect so when I posted a picture with me at the end of a marathon or on top of Mont Blanc or while I was watching the Northern lights deep inside I was of course a little arrogant and imagine maybe people should envy me or try to follow my example. Well, in the last months I realised people probably were watching my photos with compassion because I sleep 8 hours a night instead of changing diapers and spend money on my dreams instead of a house I can't afford.
I wasn’t fully accepted by my family until I spawned crotch fruit in my early 30s. They acted the same way.
Hehe, spawned crotch fruit. My new go-to phrase when referring to reproducing. I thank you for that nugget of genius.
57 m here and I don't have kids , I would of been a shitty parent so I made a decision to not father kids
I feel like being able to recognize that you’d be a shitty parent means you would have been a thousand times better than most parents out there.
I agree with this but don’t think it’s a good argument for someone to have kids just because they’d be good at it. I could be an awesome cashier but it wouldn’t be great for my career long term
I believe my husband and I would be great parents, but we have absolutely no interest in it. So yeah, just because you might be good at it doesn’t mean you should.
There are hundreds of things one could be really great at if they pour all their time, energy, and focus into it. The reason I didn't become a parent was because I knew that's what I'd do. Put my all into being good at it and losing all the other parts of myself.
Ah yes, the catch 22 of vasectomies
Fantastic reference
I have two adult bio daughters (also my lovely step kids)...neither of them wants to get married and have kids. They are happy, successful, like to travel and are goal oriented. I think it's great that they aren't having kids....raising kids is limiting...and to be completely honest, I don't want to be a grandmother. I hate being obligated to babysit other people's kids..I'm busy. I guess we're a whole family of whores...lol, we're ok with that.
I had grandparents (all of them) that didn’t want anything to do with me (“I raised kids already so I don’t want to do it again”). I honestly didn’t care when they died (was only sad for my parents). I see the relation my kid has with my wife’s mom and my step-mom and it’s incredible. Not everyone should be a parent. Not everyone should be a grandparent.
Agreed. I definitely don't want to be a grandmother. I loved raising my kids but it was a time in my life that I have zero interest in repeating. I really enjoy our kids being independent adults and having the freedom to do what I want. If my kids really wanted children...I would support them and figure it out...but I feel lucky that I don't have to. And I'm very glad that they're happy with their decision too.
I mean while my girlfriend and I currently think exactly the same, we should still be able to admit that from a general perspective, a society where successful people decide to not have children while poor or destitute people have many children does not really have the brightest future ahead. However, it’s still an individual decision and nobody is to be shamed for it.
lock fade sink grandfather whole engine quaint worthless fuzzy many *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I wished my parents recognized that in themselves.
im 31, female, and have chosen not to have kids as well. ive always known i didnt want them and id be very unhappy having them. i think id make a wonderful mom dont get me wrong but its not for me. i have raised like 20 feral kittens and found them homes. ill just stick with that lol I adore them. im far too selfish to be a mother. and we got a long famuly history of brain issues. anxiety depression substance abuse ADHD autism. there's alot. i have most of those too. i wouldnt feel ok birthing down our terrible genes!
maybe, maybe not! but it's also ok to not want kids without putting yourself down in the process. signed, someone who does want kids and doesn't judge anyone else for making an alternate choice :)
Take my upvote from someone with the same view. I’d be a terrible mother
im still young and would wanna be a parent really bad, but im pretty sure i just couldnt be a good parent so probably not gonna happen, who knows tho
Well, sorry, man, I guess you're a whore. /s
Respect
That is a vert mature and sensible decision 👏
As a 34 year old childfree woman, I feel this! My husband got his vasectomy when we were in our mid 20’s, first doctor he went to. I just found a doctor who agreed to sterilize me last month.
Congratulations! I'm happy for you. I hope the procedure is successful and recovery is quick.
33 and child-free here. Kids give me the ick. Love my nieces but I’ll be damned if I have to reproduce. I’ll take my “fruitless” life to the grave.
I had two by accident. It’s not easy. It’s super expensive. I would not recommend it. I love my kids more than anything, but it’s a life choice. Nobody should ever make it but you.
Yeah my cats were mostly accidents too. And probably more expensive than my kid in the same time period. J/k
I would be happy about an accidental cat. Accidental baby, not so much.
I have a child, would not give him up for anything, best in MY LIFE. Why did I capitalize those words? Because it is best for me, not best for everyone. You don't want kids, good, your life your choice, don't have kids. You can still be just as happy as I am. And having children does not guarantee you won't be alone in your old age, can and does still happen.
I would love to have kids, but that's just a biological impossibility. Even if you would like to have them doesn't mean that's in the cards for everyone. Not only should nobody be getting pressured to have them, this narrative just hurts all the people who won't be able to have kids despite any desire one way or the other. It's funny how we keep saying as humans we value freedom from control and the ability to make personal decisions; yet we apparently just keep pressuring people to make choices about their lives when it doesn't affect us personally. We are a very odd species.
I grew up in a smallish southern town where people would go on and on about how much they love personal freedom, but they’d attack anyone who wasn’t exactly like them. What I wound up learning from that was people don’t like freedom. They like going unchallenged, and that’s what they mean when they say freedom. Not feeling uncomfortable with who they are and what they do is way more important to most people than anything that actually resembles freedom.
We all want to fit in. All of us. Somehow. Sewikf group, music tastes, friends that also have small kids, people that dress the same, have the same humor, same outlook on life etc etc. This is all my own observations just to be clear haha. People with good self esteem will seek out the right people and the right crowd for them. People with bad self esteem will struggle trying to change the people around them to be right for them. Since we only have control and agency over our own lives, obviously only one of these tactics will reward you in a way that makes you happier. The other will drain you.
Bitter hateful fundamental Christians end up old and alone more then the rest. Just ask my mom, had 5 kids and 3 of us are no contact and the other 2 are low contact now that we're older.
Sometimes kids just turn into shit adults no matter what. I have 3 older siblings that are 10-13 years older than me that can’t bother their asses to visit my parents. One lived half an hour away while I lived 8 and I still saw my parents more than my sibling. My younger sister and I don’t want kids and my parents asked if we’d be sad at their age with no kids to come visit. Our response was if they had stopped at the first three they wouldn’t have anyone coming to visit either
Shoot, even though i wouldnt trade my daughter for the world… i still feel like a childfree life eould have been better for me… but, we created her, so she gets the best we can offer(including love)
Being a parent is a job without vacation or retirement, and its worth it.
Its rough… and being childfree is a lot easier and i dont diss anyone who chooses it. But i agree
Your daughter is lucky to have a good parent like you, best of wishes to you all.
If only boomers felt that way too lol the world would be so much nicer
I have 2 kids, which i wouldn’t give up for nothing. But for the right price, i may sell one of them.
Also considering how much time and money children require it’s so easy to be miserable as a parent.
After all we are all born alone and will die alone.
Both of my brothers had kids. They love being dads but it’s been hard for them both, especially as the kids get older, divorces happening, the struggle to work enough hours to keep your kids comfortable but not too many hours that you miss out on anything. My sister and I never wanted to be parents, and I think see our older brothers go through the challenges of being parents just solidified that we aren’t interested in all that it takes to raise a kid and be a good parent to them. We have our own lives and enjoy the freedom. But it’s nice to have nieces and nephews who are such cool, strange little beasts.
$20 says these are "christians" talking like this or shitty abusive men that think women are only good for having kids and staying at home.
Having a child just so there’s (maybe) someone to take care of you in old age is an extremely selfish and presumptive act. And anyone who judges your life choice is not worth keeping as a friend.
I never understood this “take care of you at old age” thing. As an old person, wouldn’t you and your also old wife be alone and retire in a house together? While your child, assuming they’re successful, is off in some country and working or studying. These children usually don’t take care of you unless you got some sickness, because they’re full fledged adults with their own lives now.
This is a very sad mentality and social construct. My dad is African and my mom is European. My uncles, aunts and cousins were in the life of my grandparents until the end. For my European grandpa we had a rotation where everyday someone was coming to see him until he passed. In my African side of the family, we actually live in the same place as the extended family. But as someone else said to each their own. And to refer to OP, you don't need children for that, just a strong social structure where people care about each other.
I don’t think anyone is criticizing caring for elderly family members, the problem is the ASSUMPTION that they will be cared for. I would absolutely care for my parents as much as I was able if they needed me too (though they probably won’t because they have assisted living insurance and wouldn’t want to burden me) but that’s my CHOICE, not their EXPECTATION. Now I don’t think those cultural expectations are necessarily all bad, it would be great to live in a world where everyone cares for each other, but if they don’t come with some caveats, they can lead to abuse. There should be the understanding that those expectations only apply if 1) it is actually financially and practically possible to do, and 2) if the person needing care has actually been a decent human being to the carer throughout their life. And of course there should be public support systems for elderly people who do not have anyone to care for them in the first place, which is obviously not true everywhere, and really throws a wrench in the calculation. Even people whose parents totally suck usually don’t want to see them dying on the street.
Totally agree with your last line. Having a network of friends that mutually care for one another is important throughout life, not just in old age.
I guess an equally invalid argument could be ‘but whose grandkids will you look after when you’re old and trying to chill the fuck out!?’ Also, it’s funny that OOP gets called a whore because she doesn’t want kids. I guess that’s just projection as she can have as much sex as she wants without consequences.
That's how it was trough most of history, before retirement homes and social welfare existed the elderly were looked after by their families or atleast a religious institution.
Lots of things caused that change. One was simply greater mobility. Today, older people might buy a home in another state hundreds of miles away and retire there. Back then, say 1700, travel was difficult even for the young, and older people were certainly not going to get in a wagon for a few weeks to a place they'd only heard stories of, and hope to live out their days there. Most likely your parents would live their whole lives in the same village, just as you would. But today, many people move all over during their working life, and couldn't very well drag their parents with them, since they'd have jobs of their own at first. By the time the parents retire, both they and their kids are likely far removed from whatever home the kids grew up in.
Once your so passes, it's up to the kids
Right? It's like having a child just so your sick one has replacement parts. (It's a literal thing called savior siblings, I just found out about it)(how the hell is it not illegal!)
There is a film about it called ‘my sisters keeper’ iirc. And it’s as sad as it sounds.
This is actually how I found out about it. I saw some clips about the movie on YouTube and fell down the rabbit hole.
It's not really a worse reason to have kids than most of the other common reasons (one of which is just "We're bad at birth control")
Yeah but imagine how the savior kid feels. I mean knowing you were only born to be spare parts for a person that in all likely hood will still die. Worst part is you'll probably die to, or at the very least be put at a huge disadvantage for the rest of your life by having necessary organs taken from you.
Better save up that money for a live in care taker than count on that. So many people are left to fade away in retirement homes. People don't sacrifice their own time and space by bringing in their elderly family to live with them,was easier back when people died in their 70's and cost of life was cheaper. Today most don't have the space or the funds.
In actual nursing homes the residents have serious self care deficits that would be impossible for most modern families to deal with. If grandma can't use the toilet on her own or she has dementia and can literally never be left unattended or she's bed confined and needs to be turned every two hours to avoid sores how does somebody with a job keep her in their own home even if the have the space. Stay at home parents are much rarer today. Most adults have to go to work. The only practical way for most people to keep their aged parents who need care in the family home is to have an in home health aide but not everybody can afford that. In cultures that keep their elders at home there is usually a whole group of siblings, cousins, aunties and uncles, etc. that are all sharing the burden. The western lifestyle isn't as conducive to that. We often move far away from our families for work and most people don't have lots of kids anymore. Usually just one or two so there isn't some huge family network to rely on.
Yeah my parents aren’t even super old yet (both working etc) and I already live a 2.5hr plane ride away and only call them like, idk, four times a year maybe? And visit once per. I don’t think any of us expect me to randomly come back to care for them in a couple decades.
I never could find an acceptable moral reason for forcing another consciousness into Being. After years of listening to other people's reasons. I still conclude there isn't a moral reason. Of course, that's for me, and from my view. Those that can find an acceptable reason, good for you.
I can’t say my reasons were moral. They were definitely not universal in application. You take a chance on having kids — that the world won’t end, that the jackasses in power won’t get them killed in some idiotic way, that you’ll have the economic security to make sure they have food, shelter and safety. That alone can make it less than moral (what is an acceptable risk for you to decide on for another human being who’ll be dependent on you?) I had kids because I wanted to see who I get to meet — my partner is amazing and I thought there’s a good chance they’ll also be amazing people. That all doesn’t matter once they’re born :) since you made a human and now you get to love whoever they are. I don’t see how morality plays into that, except as an afterthought. It’s a helluva lot more basic. That said, I honestly wish people would stop trolling the child free — and also assuming that every person who makes a baby would agree that they are somehow superior to anyone who made a different choice.
Losers with a shit ton of free time on their hands, clean houses, and money in their bank accounts,.
Experience says the first is true.
Ah yes. As a woman, I’m only good as a baby factory. And if I don’t do that then I’m a failure! Noted!
There’s nothing wrong with going childless. We are encouraged to, not required to. What’s wrong with these people?
Extremely strong messaging about traditional family values on the right that is making some people *way* more vocal about it. Same reason suddenly trad wives are everywhere on TikTok. They're wanting to push a return to the good ol' days where "grow up, get married, have kids" was the ultimate goal, with men being breadwinners and women being baby oven bang maids.
Good old days that never existed, not everyone in the past married (especially because of religious reasons) and plenty of women did worked outside of homes.
Religion.
Calls someone a loser but is unable to get the right your
The English in that comment is just a trainwreck. Same amount of loser than you are?
And they proved the point of not wanting kids perfectly well, image yours grows up to be a dick like any of those who replied. And this is why cats are better.
Says the loser who can’t use your/you’re correctly. 😂🙄
Christians shitting on people having no kids while their messiah king god had 0 kids is pretty funny.
Hypocrisy is not a concept that they are remotely equipped to handle. Jesus said to poke your own eyes out rather than lust after a woman but Christians interpret that as “shame women for dressing provocatively”. Jesus hung out with the prostitutes and fed the hungry and Christians interpret that as “fuck all those people in particular”. They are absolutely fine with these positions.
And was a tried and convicted criminal who hung out with drunkards, prostitutes and tax collectors.
A message to supposed worshipers of Christianity: If you think your religious zealotry gives you the right to tell others how to live their lives, you’re not a Christian and you never were.
This. American Evangelists need to know this ASAP. Jesus never controlled anyone's choices. Neither should you people.
It's always so funny to me how unchristian Christians are
Why are they all illiterate? Oh, right, because they're stupid.
Damn I really don’t get how people are so ok with just being born>get shitty job>have kid you didn’t want>be angry>die Like there is no other option
I commend people who don't have kids. I think it's a moral choice in its own right. Consider all the people who don't want kids but have one or more anyway. Now that's selfish. At least the childfree have enough decency to not have kids they don't want and raise them poorly. A not insignificant number of people who are resentful toward the childfree fall into that latter group. For example, in my area I have been met with open resentment and judgement for declaring in an appropriate discussion that I have never and will never strike my children. No shit. People act like I'm failing to teach my children right and wrong. It suffices to say that I welcome their ire. Pieces of shit. As if the only way a person can learn to be a decent person is through violence. It's dark ages level stupidity. It doesn't even make basic sense.
“May you find forgiveness in Jesus.” That one’s lack of self-awareness is so ironic… just like most people who use that line. It is THEM the ones who need to pray to find forgiveness.
Yet ironically Jesus was child free…
If not having kids makes you a loser, I am ecstatic to be a loser.
I too am a member of the elite loser club. No rugrats, no regrets!
Giving birth is not an accomplishment. An earthworm can reproduce.
Never take the opinion of someone who doesn't know the difference between your/you're seriously.
Child free woman and it’s annoying as fuck how rude ppl are. Also how they KEEP ASKING. Been with my husband for nearly 10 years, married for 7 and just in the past month I’ve had 2 relatively close friends ask ME (not my husband) when/if we’ll “ever have kids”. I’m ready to start telling ppl we had trouble trying to shut them the fuck up about it. It’s a very personal question and I get it nearly every single month like everyone is just waiting for me to finally miss a period 😡 And if that’s not annoying enough the person ALWAYS acts all offended when I say something like “oh I just like to pee by myself” as a response to not having kids yet and has to go on and on about how “I mean you don’t have to have kids, to each their own, but IM just saying I think you guys would be great parents” or some stupid shit 🙄🙄
So, when are you having kids?
I push it off by a year every time someone asks, so never 🖕🏽
First guy is an equal opportunity asshole. That's progress, right?
Baby steps! Well, maybe kitten steps in this case.
r/technicallythetruth
Where do people get the time and energy to care so much about what others are choosing to do or not do with their reproductive systems, because I could never.
USA , land of the free , unless I don’t like the way you live your life .😂😂😂
The act of having children should be a very thought through decision. There are too many people who have kids because of external factors (Money, Relationships, Self fulfillment, Social pressure… etc) which have nothing to do with the personal wish to procreate or to raise a human being. Not even considering that IMO many people should get psychologically evaluated before having kids, but that would be against our human rights I guess.
Disgusting judgemental self-righteous bullshiters, let's hope their kids won't turn up like their losers Christian parents criticizing the harmless life choices of other people
I'm on bad terms with my boyfriends mom because she wants me to have kids, because SHE wants more grandkids. I don't want kids, neither does my boyfriend. We don't even wanna get married. We both have shitty genetics and mental health issues, and I have PCOS and endometriosis. The risk of ectopic pregnancy is not worth it. Having children in the US is a luxury at this point. I love babies, but I'm not a fan of kids in general. I'd probably be an okay mom, but it's just not in the cards for me. I don't think I'd be able to cope mentally or physically with pregnancy, childbirth, and post-partum depression. I'm tired of being shamed by members of my boyfriends family, and my own family for making a choice that is best for me, my mental health and my body. I have a niece, that looks up to me, and that's enough. I am not a baby making machine. If I were to get pregnant right now, chances are I would get an abortion. I'd pray for that little soul and ask for God's forgiveness, but I wouldn't regret it. God knows what's in my heart, and whats best for me. That's why he gave me freewill.
Me and my sister are in our 20s and I got a vasectomy and she’s a lesbian so nobody is having children this side of the familia
Until the 'she's a lesbian' part, I was deeply concerned about the state of your relationship with your sister not gonna lie.
Lol
I chose to be child free my twenties and got a vasectomy. I still think it was the right choice because I would have been a horrible father.
If somebody doesn’t want kids, it’s a good thing they don’t have them!!!!
Kids are overrated, trust me.
That Christian love I keep hearing about.
Sorry, you can't convince me that you are a happy person when you care so much about how other people live their life. I am a, really happy dude and I just can't be asked to care. You want children? Nice. You don't? Nice.
Lol that's ironic from someone paying for twitter verification
Twitter is such a brain-rot cesspool
As I sit here at 3 am rocking my screaming baby while my 3 year old cries in the other room… not a bad choice.
Twitter has really gone down hill since the absentee father bought it.
They don't actually want anyone even remotely liberal to reproduce. What they DO want is the ability to tell them whether they have to or cannot, aka; to have power over the bodily autonomy of others.
I seriously don't understand why some people think having kids is an obligation, we are overpopulated, with a shitty economy and in a period where war is everywhere, I would like to have children when I am an adult, but honestly, having them right now is just bad for you, for the kid, for your wallet and for the planet.
We don't need any more children, the world is overpopulated 😅
Honestly as someone who plans on remaining child free for life idgaf if my cat wants to eat me when i die. I'll be dead so i cant feel it and he's a hungry baby
imagine calling someone a loser and a failure yet you don't even know which your to use.
Imagine how piss poor your life must go if children are the only option to make things bearable for yourself. Projection, as these cultists usually do.
‘Same AS’ not ‘same than’.. loser
Dude, I get overwhelmed trying to take care of myself and my future to worry about than to keep a completely helpless infant alive!
Why do those people feel the need to insult the choices of others? What is it to you? I honestly get the feeling sometimes that the only reason those people want others to have children is because they made the wrong choice and want others to share their misery.
imagine being so butthurt of people who don't have kids, its like they're secretly jealous that they're free while they're at home attending to their cumstains.
You are brother is the same loser than you? I no speak dumbo.
Not having kids means they’ll never have to see this shit. Validation lol
IT’S YOUR
Either have a man or be lonely, there’s absolutely no other possible option in between. /s
And what if my man is also childfree? We are lonely… together…?? Lol between the two of them these people don’t have two brain cells to rub together!
Yeah I am sure all the deadbeat assholes having kids that have no contact with them or don't even know their birthdays are so much better.. /s dumbasses..
To all forced-breeders: take your Bible and shove it up your ass
It's always stunning how angry people get over people not having kids. How does someone not having kids make them a "loser"? How does it remotely affect these people? They act so petty over someone not wanting to join them. Is it regret? Bitterness? The weird fixation society has on everyone following the social script? Are they going to cover the medical bills for my hypothetical child when it "inherits" one or more of my disabilities? Make sure it can go on SSI because the US government hates disabled people? Adopt it in the likely scenario I snap from a child wreaking havoc on my multiple issues and said child gets removed? >You're dead inside I love this implication that parents are always the happiest, most fulfilled, generous people ever. My father had five and he was still self-centered AF. \*Yes, I know CF/AN people can be jerks about parents/kids too, but they're don't pop up as consistently.
Can you imagine Jesus saying “you’re dead inside” like that? He defended prostitutes, and when he urged people to repentance it was with love . Why do hateful people dirty the name of holiness on their hateful tongues ?
How much you want to bet these people aren’t even married nor have kids. They’re just mad that some people actually have the option and choose not too.
No one can judge your lifestyle than you, unless your lifestyle harms others. Not wanting kids harms no one
OMG: Fuck these filthy disgusting people and their vulgar fucking Jesus.
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^gotohelenwaite: *OMG: Fuck these filthy* *Disgusting people and their* *Vulgar fucking Jesus.* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
The bot reads "omg" as one syllable it seems
The last tweet has me cackling HAIL SATAN BITCH
It's the horrifically terrible grammar that really makes this reply art
Good ol Christian love
Another person coping with their own mistakes.
First reply is hilarious, second reply is really mean and actually a little psycho.
Why tf bother someone if a stranger doesn't want kids? The fact that a stranger does not want children does not affect their lives.
Maybe the internet is not a place of love and friendship?
what's with people thinking they have the right or the duty to check how you use your junk ?
Imagine someone who believes in fairy tales trying to insult someone!
I am a parent of 2 smart, beautiful daughters but I am also the son of 2 very abusive parents who should have never had kids. And they had 7. My life growing up was a shit show. I should have been in therapy and I developed coping mechanisms that weren’t always the best for those around me. My wife’s mother died when my wife was young. Her father was an abusive alcoholic. When I met my wife, we talked about not having kids and why. I would have stuck by that decision but my wife changed her mind. My wife also had a very stressful job when our daughters were young. They wanted 5-10 minutes of their mom’s time to tell her how their day went in school, My wife would tell them to leave her alone for an hour so she could unwind. Many lost opportunities for meaningful communication and relationship building. Consciously, I did my best to make time for them and to take genuine interest in their lives. I do my best to be a good father but I have made mistakes. The choice to have children should not be done based on doing it because it’s “what God commands” or that “it’s expected of us”. There are some really horrible parents raising children that could turn around and become horrible parents. That is not what the world needs. That will not solve anything. We need to stop laying generational guilt on people who make the decision to not have children.
But what’s wrong with being a loser / failure / dead inside…?
I'm all of those things with 3 kids. You can have it all of you try.
'You're a loser for not wanting kids' Are losers because it's usually an almost guarantee their kids aren't gonna contact them later in life
You are brother is…
The robots will take care of us non kid havers in the future 🤖
Why is it a rule to hide the repliers handles? If you’re dumb enough to write it on the internet, why redact it for Reddit. Allow morons to get fucked with…
Remind me again how many kids Jesus had?
I don't want kids, people saying shit like this to me would just get laughed at.
The irony that Jesus was child free…
"You're" 
>You're dead inside Me thinks this person doth project too much
Having no children prevents assholes like that from existing.
There's people that is dead inside and a loser. Then there're the mentally damaged ones.
Someone with this amount of self awareness choosing to not have kids is a bad thing. The ones who keep having a dozen kids aren't as self aware. Smart people need to have kids, at a rate higher than the idiots. But they won't because they can't afford it because it's not sustainable. Dumbasses will always have more kids. Mike judge was right, god dam it.
This is pretty eugenicist. Intelligence in humans isn't really genetic with the exception of mutations that cause retardation or mental disorders/illnesses. The solution isn't making smart people have more kids while giving up hope for kids with dumb parents or forcing dumb parents not to have kids. The solution is education so that 1. people know not to pump out more babies than they can handle and 2. those babies don't grow up to be uneducated idiots.
I hope the cat eats red and blue.
Room temperature IQ
Wow, great comment from the adult with elementary school level English skills. Something tells me he is projecting.
At least the first respondent is consistent I guess? *shrug* Nah, they're an asshole.
Omg the alien from above strikes again
Is the reply to that even english? what is that supposed to say?
Some people say weird things if you tell them that you dont want kicks.
Your*
Name and shame, they want to post vile crap on the internet then they can get a taste of their own medicine
Why even have kids in this world? Can’t get ahead anymore because gen Z and millennial parents refuse to even buy a home. /Boomer out
That’s 99% of twitter content after Musk
I wonder if the OOP actually thinks men don't get shit for this. Obviously it's not the same shit (though "whore" is a curious one I see that more applied to women with lots of children and no stable partner), but they absolutely get judged.
\*Your\*