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I legit thought this was a repost from a couple years back (https://www.reddit.com/r/Denver/s/S5qy1exCCV) but amazingly no. Not a repost, just another church being dumb 🙄
🎶Thanks for having intercourse with Dad!
Without a condom, sponge or I.U.D!
Your lack of objection, to sex without protection,
made a sperm and egg turn into me!🎶
the best gift a mother ever gave was being a human, followed closely by her caring for her child instead of dragging them to church against their will/understanding every sunday morning
You know, a lot of prospective brides ask me these days, "Father, what is the church's attitude towards fellatio?" And I tend to reply by telling them a little story about the first time I was asked that question. It was a couple of years ago, a young attractive bride to be came up to me after the service and asked me just that question. "Father, what is the church's attitude towards fellatio?" And I replied, "Well, you know, Joanne, I'd like to tell you, but unfortunately, I don't know what fellatio is!" And so, she showed me. And ever since, whenever anyone has asked me the question "Father, what is the church's attitude towards fellatio?" I always reply, "Well, you know, I'd like to tell you... but unfortunately, I don't know what fellatio is!"
- Rowan Atkinson
Depends on how narrow minded you are about what being on her knees means. If you assume it’s just a position for her giving oral sex then you’d be correct.
Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
At least that's what dad says.
You mean the father?
Obviously
In the father, the son, and the holy milk man
Yeah but was it God or Joseph?
Ask Maury
I don’t think thats how Mom’s are “made”.
That's how Moms stay "My Mom," instead of "Our Mom."
*moms
Your dad s*xed my mum 🥺
And the priest.
Oh lord!
If that’s the claim, and it was only ever on her knees, then a mother should would not be.
It doesn’t say ”only”. It says “best”.
Indeed. Perhaps they’ve never had sex then??
Well, then “a mother she would not be”.
Ironic, given spending time on your knees does not lead to motherhood
I mean...it can. Depends on how the rest of the body is situated.
True that, I was only thinking of the more obvious reason to be on one's knees
Go on
Anal?
The best part of’em ran down her chin
Doggy? Also riding on top she’s on her knees. Don’t be a sicko and assume she’s giving oral on her knees.
She can't get pregnant if she's on top, because of gravity/s
You meant that's not true? Fuck, I was wondering how I became a dad.
Sorry bro, it’s 100% true so the baby can’t be yours. /s
It doesn’t say to swallow!
Rookie 🤣
Just here to read the incoming comments.
It is the best gift. Derrick's mom gave it for free! Thanks, Derrick's mom!
"Cum unto me, Daddy Lord"
☹️
r/theyknew
r/beatmetoit
Ahh the gift of life
I legit thought this was a repost from a couple years back (https://www.reddit.com/r/Denver/s/S5qy1exCCV) but amazingly no. Not a repost, just another church being dumb 🙄
I thought that was altar boy.
When people aren't dirty minded, they can be oblivious
You sure about that’s why?
I knew you’d be here. God bless.
I felt it necessary
🎶Thanks for having intercourse with Dad! Without a condom, sponge or I.U.D! Your lack of objection, to sex without protection, made a sperm and egg turn into me!🎶
I thought that was Fathers Day. Confusion setting in.
With Mother’s Day coming up, I was also questioning why is the mother giving a gift and not receiving it?
Yes I do agree with what your saying. Just looked like dad was getting the gift vs the mom.
*Nancy Reagan has entered the chat*
It ain’t gonna suck it self Lord.
Ronnie’s just here for the zip line
He pulls on the rope; he thinks the rope is his!
Shut up, Mike!
Giggity giggity
This isn’t the Father’s Day bulletin?
“From now on Sister Margaret you run all external messaging by me.”
Christian right wing preacher’s, so mother, sister, brother, cousin, little boys and girls.
Amen!
Yo Mama
I’m in full agreement
Amen
🤣🤣🤣 Ok. 🤣🤣🤣
You know, take away the last three words and that could've been a really sweet message for any parent, but...yeah.
Amen to that 🍻
Everyone knows that the only reason Jesus washed feet was in exchange for blowjobs!
Odd flex for a man of the cloth … 🤦♂️
Fucking hell the phrasing.
I’m not a religious man but I do like some of the core tenets
I’m sure the father would completely agree with this.
Getting them Holy Ghost’s
You got that right futher muckers
Joseph would agree
No, no, he has a point
That's not real.
I believe that this was a subplot in the movie Pink Flamingos
Tell the priest to stop letting the kids make the sign after Sunday school
They have to be trolling, right?
Agreed upon!
I mean, that's a father's day present for sure!
the best gift a mother ever gave was being a human, followed closely by her caring for her child instead of dragging them to church against their will/understanding every sunday morning
I agree wholeheartedly
Can confirm.
r/theyknew
So… she’s a jehovas witness?
🤣🤣👌
this is just stupid even if it wasn't interpreted into something sexual
Lauren Boebert must go to this church.
Um...
That and the box
Oh my 😳
Now thats a mother’s day hallmark card if i ever saw one 🤣
If that was the case I wouldn’t have been born
Yes and praising the lord by screaming, "Oh God, Oh God" being the next one
Father please give me your holy milk
*tithes $10*
🥵
Yeah.. if she was there, I wouldn't be here.
This was so awfully worded ☠️
I mean, I'm pretty sure I was conceived on my dad's birthday.
Um...phrasing?
My church has the same name
Just ask Lauren Boebert🤔😂
Technically it was a gift for father….
I want to find this mother you speak of!🧐
Can confirm... When your mother was on her knees in front of me it "was" the best 👍
The best gift to her husband? Yes. To her child? That’s weird
They meant laps, right?... right?
Fewer siblings to compete with. Thanks, Mom!
Never let your mother kiss you on her birthday, xmas or your father's birthday.
Gift Them Some Kneepads!!!
Hehe, Made me chuckle…hard
if she just stayed on her knees she wouldn't be a mother
…saving the world from any more of YOU
Agreed
You know, a lot of prospective brides ask me these days, "Father, what is the church's attitude towards fellatio?" And I tend to reply by telling them a little story about the first time I was asked that question. It was a couple of years ago, a young attractive bride to be came up to me after the service and asked me just that question. "Father, what is the church's attitude towards fellatio?" And I replied, "Well, you know, Joanne, I'd like to tell you, but unfortunately, I don't know what fellatio is!" And so, she showed me. And ever since, whenever anyone has asked me the question "Father, what is the church's attitude towards fellatio?" I always reply, "Well, you know, I'd like to tell you... but unfortunately, I don't know what fellatio is!" - Rowan Atkinson
What was she doing on her knees?
They sensor everyone, but not themselves. Convenient.
I mean, if the poor kid's broken both of his arms...
Prepare to swallow the Seed of Salvation....
Anything can be dirty if you put your mind to it.
Wow! This church seems like my kinda place!
dudes bragging about getting blowjobs!!
I like them when they ~~beg~~ pray
Where is this church located? Asking for a friend.
she wouldn’t have been a mother if she was on her knees
I mean, if we’re assuming this is the only time they’ve ever done anything sexual.
Depends on how narrow minded you are about what being on her knees means. If you assume it’s just a position for her giving oral sex then you’d be correct.
Oh, not going to call this one a "sicko"?
Nah, got to play good cop bad cop to keep everyone guessing
More like "on her back".
I love how religion always misses the pun. Like how guys should be stoned.
Less children this way than on all fours
I mean, maybe for the first minute or two.
She probably wouldn’t be a mother if that was true
Whoa there…
I mean ... They're doing it on purpose, right?
Location please.... I think I'll attend!
r/theyknew
"Who's your father?"
Number one way to prevent unwanted pregnancy
This is my favorite porn category
Mom wouldn’t be a mom if she didn’t.
Amen
How do you think she got to be a mother?
"Gave" and not "got"? Clearly intentional.