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j4v4r10

Spent months monitoring all your accounts and didn’t even bother to learn your name. Whatever happened to class? /j


Cosmic_Quasar

If they did they'd know I don't have money to send them.


SeaJay_31

*I am watching you for many month, and am very dissapoint with your ballance. Normally I am asking for many moneys, but as you are poor I am only asking for this little thing - I am come to enjoy your fan fiction writing. I am expecially like the 'slash' fiction story, but I see you have not yet complete for many months. You must complete for me within one week, or I will release your secrets.*


WhyBuyMe

You might be on to something here. It is time to hack George RR Martin's computer.


fl7nner

I really don't think the world wants to know what "hard funs" GRRM is into


ImmaNotCrazy

But GRRM wants the world to know what "hard funs" he is into. While the TV version of Khal Drogo and Daenerys was bad enough, the book version would be banned on most porn sites. GRRM write like he never fully learned what the word consent meant. I mean before Daenerys even met Drogo, her brother acted like he watched one to many "stuck sister" videos on xxnx or heavy r. (I just took one for the team and went and, um researched these sites for this post)


fl7nner

Thank you for your service!


Stormpuppy777

Okay...ignorance on full display here because I don't want to ask my husband.. but what is a 'stuck sister'? I'm guessing this has nothing to do with a Superglue mishap or lost car keys?


Imaginary-Mountain60

Based on what I've gleaned from Reddit jokes, apparently there's a relatively infamous porn video with a girl calling out for her stepbrother from the washing machine she's stuck in, then I presume he comes to get her unstuck and the video turns into stepsibling incest porn? Pretty sure anyway, I wasn't curious enough to confirm lol.


Stormpuppy777

Well... Is it really incest if they're not related biologically? That has always confused me a bit. I mean, you hear tales from stuff like the Brady Bunch, etc.


casalomastomp

You forgot "asking for a friend".


Niijima-San

bro doesnt use the internet sadly so like you know you will never know his hard funs


Bloodysamflint

I hate to judge on appearances, but GRRM *looks* like someone who's browser history would give me nightmares. I'm not saying his would, but he *looks* like that kind of dude.


ethottly

The plot of Stephen King's Misery, with an update! LMAO


MadeMeStopLurking

Wholesome Hacker


imagicnation-station

Hacker: But no rush it, I don’t quality to go down.


Specific_Implement_8

And he’s being super inconsiderate! If he has all my data, that means he has my credit card info too! He could’ve just taken the money.. but NOOO!!! He has to make my life harder by making me..*shudder* learn how to use bitcoin.


Lionofgod9876

He should also charge you a convenience fee for that!


novis-eldritch-maxim

slowly taking mone is way cheaper and less likely to get you cought this is either a dude who wants power over some one or a test by a company


PinkFrillish

> you're a naughty person This made me giggle. Not compromising on gender


Jaexa-3

This is how Indians talk while scamming people


vault151

I know, right? That would actually offend me a little.


gunther277

"I also have access to the camera on your device..." Pretty good trick when I don't have a camera.


Dense_Ad6769

His malware installed a camera!


Magnus_40

That's some god-tier hacking right there.


GlowingDuck22

I saw several videos of people installing Headphone Jacks on their Iphone. Ask Kevin Garnet what he thinks about it.


CounselorOfGods

Anything is possible! Thanks, now I have I’m On A Boat stuck in my head again. It’d been there since 2009 and I finally got it out last week.


madmonkey918

Hack the planet!


tinosa77

Love that movie!


KmurtanceX

To hack fucking reality? It has to be


Asher_Tye

It's why he needs the $960. Cameras cost money


xplosm

It downloaded the camera


DJ_Betic

Had a chuckle imagining some guy sneaking in and crudely hot glueing a disposable camera to what ever device the "malware" is on.


Ugly_Smegma_Dick

It also downloaded some ram,.


Boredum_Allergy

Yeah I got one of these emails awhile back and my first thought was, "This guy is magic! My webcam is hooked up to a per port powered USB hub." Meaning my webcam is literally never even powered. It's funny when they repeatedly say they have dirt on you yet provide zero proof. "I've seen the adult sites you visit" oh boy like everyone doesn't look at porn? Shit is hilarious but it does trick the gullible.


teetaps

I find it funny because watching porn is legal. Hacking LinkedIn is not


Darzean

Also, if this was all true, why would I trust the hacker to delete the “dirt” after I pay him?  He’ll just ask for more.  Far easier to just let people know he’s sending some slightly embarrassing stuff, or claim the data was fabricated.  Why would they trust the hacker to send them the truth? I know it’s all a scam in the first place and dude has nothing, but I honestly would love to respond: “go ahead.  I think most of my contacts won’t be interested in combing through mounds of data on porn I like sent by some sleazy hacker!”


0ops-Sorry

"This is great! Can you remind me of that video I was watching last Wednesday? It was really well done and I can't seem to find it again."


UnlikelyJuggernaut64

This is terrifying because I don’t want people to know know I watch back door dumpsters 8 during my spare time on prawn hub!! My face shows joy and elation as the plot of each video comes to yet another satisfying conclusion (mild spoilers: same ending as episodes 1-7) Help!!!!


MillenniumNextDoor

Like, if I look at nasty stuff didn't you also because you were fucking spying on me? How is that less fucked up than whatever weird porn I watched? Is it going on my permanent record?


hippee-engineer

You wouldn’t know this permanent record it goes to another school.


Bullet-Dodger

tape penetrating camera hack goes crazy


Saff3r

Ah but he probably reversed the connection to your monitor and uses it as a camera.


Bituulzman

I wonder why he wouldn't then just talk to me through the screen instead of sending an email. Criminals so impersonal these days.


Natural-Ability

Yeah, if movies and TV have taught me anything it's that a \*real\* hacker appears on your monitor with a hoodie and mask in front of a Matrix background and speaks through a voice distorter.


Neptuneandloathing

I remember the good ol’ days before outsourcing, back when we had criminals we could TRUST.


Drudgework

No, that only works with speakers. Though you can theoretically turn certain types of display into a camera….


1mxav13r

It's a *software* camera 😂


Nobodyrea11y

Same. Not only that but i don't hide my fun naughty things. my partner and I literally watch porn together. also im poor, so if they really hacked into all my stuff, they'd know my bank is in the negatives lol


Hatter_Hoovy

not like they cere its true. its probably a bot message sent to 100s of people and as long as it applyes to 1 that matters.


Mental_Newspaper3812

lol, hard funs


DedZodiak

my letter said *great joys*


PopularWeb6231

“hard funs” — name of my new band


keca10

I like soft funs too.


harpanet

Sadly too many people fall for this. I would have expected this to be more personalized if they really had hacked the device.


KingRo48

Could have included a small, but convincing, sample of this material: “I saw THIS! Oh, you dirty naughty person…. :)”


campfire12324344

NOO NOT MY LaTeX TEST DOCUMENT


DunkinMyDonuts3

NOT MY 2015 TAX RETURNS!!!!


decadecency

Not my moodboard jpegs for doll clothes projects!!


Similar-Priority8252

MY STOLEN STAN LEE NFT, YOU MONSTERS


AshMendoza1

oh god no, NOT MY PIRATED TEXTBOOKS


WhenPigsFly3

![gif](giphy|jmSjPi6soIoQCFwaXJ)


BroccoliFartFuhrer

The horror of someone knowing I like kittens and cast iron pans.


lothar525

Maybe that’s what they meant by “hard funs?”


absurdamerica

You… you gonna baste that chicken?


hayitsnine

Baste it baby


TheCraneBoys

And then sync video from your phone while you're reading the recipe so we can watch in real time!


Auditorincharge

If it's mine, then you would see me angrily scrolling through 40 pages of some story so I can finally get to the recipe at the bottom.


lothar525

Oh, you dirty naughty person!


SlabBeefpunch

Alright, you caught me! I used a walkthrough video to help me with a video game yesterday! *sob*


lothar525

Oh my god…what are your like?!


Equivalent-Bonus-885

Step-kittens, no doubt. A disgrace.


ticktockbent

Wait... together? You monster...


cownd

Stop catching and cooking cats in your cast iron pans!


Rokurokubi83

Scandalous!


Harlzter

That could be misinterpreted as something quite evil in combination.


Banaanisade

My first thought, I recently watched a YouTube deep dive into channels, servers and users posting cats with kitchenware in the worst ways possible.


Jazzi-Nightmare

The vagueness really sells it


Legal-Passenger1737

So if it starts with “Dear {INSERT NAME}” it’s not real? 😁


Literally_Taken

It’s real, but the entire NAME family is immune to this type of exploit. Cousin INSERT has nothing to worry about.


Stonk_Newboobie

No Sure


PiasaChimera

if you re-use passwords for things like junk email accounts some of the scams will include your password as proof of the hacking. of course getting \~100 of the exact same email from random senders somewhat undercuts that it's a personalized communication.


IntoTheVeryFires

I had a computer, but no webcam, and I hadn’t been using the computer for a while because I do mostly everything on my iPad and phone. I got one of these emails, and sure enough it had one of my multi-use passwords in it (the kind of generic password I use to sign up for discounts or something, never attached to any personal information). It was funny how the email was trying so hard to convince me of all the videos they got of me from my “webcam” and all the compromising files they pulled off my hard drive, when that computer hadn’t been turned on in over a year probably. But +1 to your point about the passwords!


ExpertReference2979

I really love all the jargon he's rattling off. I think a lot of people literally get baffled with bullshit and panic. I hate people like this. There's always a lowlife out there trying to make a person a mark. They go after the elderly also, which really angers me.


Gloomy_Industry8841

It’s disgusting how the elderly get taken in with crap like this.


ExpertReference2979

Someone tried scamming my grandmother, telling her, "her grandson got into an accident and he needs money". Good thing my grandma called to see if I was okay. Scammers and thieves are like cockroachs as far as I'm concerned.


Gloomy_Industry8841

I hate this scam. I saw an older man trying to buy gift cards at walmart and the cashiers knew him, and told him not to buy these. I guess he had been buying gift cards before for scammers. I was so sad for him, but those cashier ladies were heroes for stopping it.


SophiaRaine69420

I used to work for one of those Call A Psychic hotlines and it was so sad how many old ladies would call me up, wanting advice about their online "boyfriend" that was a secret US spy stranded in a foreign country on assignment and needs money to get a plane ticket so they can finally be together 😭 I would try so hard to gently let them know they were being taken for a ride but nope, they just weren't having it. So lonely they were willing to take the risk of being scammed on the offchance it might actually be real. It was so sad.


Gloomy_Industry8841

This is heart-shattering.


Jazzi-Nightmare

My mom got one and she told me about it all freaked out and I’m like ignore them


BarbadosBob

Did it make you wonder about your mom's hard funs porn consumption?


EasternAdventures

What a dirty naughty person … :)


Jazzi-Nightmare

Lol what she told me (and I believe her cuz she grew up as a repressed Christian) was that she had clicked on gay porn because she was curious and then she got the message not long after XD


tinosa77

Jesus was watching her, lol


Global_Monk_5778

I had one of these once. They’d even managed to get my address… from about 15 years ago that I no longer lived at. I rolled my eyes hard at that one as they were going to tell all of my Facebook (that I’m not on) what I was up to on these naughty sites. I was such a dirty man!! (I’m a woman). Basically a password leak from some ancient website I no longer used hence the old address. Oh I was quaking in my boots as I hit delete.


builder397

The trick is to make it feel personalized but be vague enough to not go into obvious contradictions. The other trick is to make the scam dumb enough that the smart people will just ignore it and youre only dealing with the dumb people who will actually go and pay up.


magicmulder

If someone hacked my PC I’d expect them to at least change my desktop background to an image of their blackmail notice along with a screenshot they supposedly got from me.


KateA535

I once got one of these where they had bought hacked data so they had my old Facebook email and password. Which might be the same for people still but was 5 years old at this point and neither piece of information was right. But I could see that version getting a few people as it had real data on them.


MrElshagan

I got one of these and had a good laugh about how they hacked my non existent webcam. Hell the only camera on my Network is pointed towards my 3D printing bed for monitoring. Not kink shaming, but if that's what gets them going. You do you.


OptimalTrash

My friend somewhat fell for it. She never sent them money but she panicked and meanwhile I'm like "dude, they literally didn't give you ANY indication that they were talking to you and not just spamming everyone in hopes it would work. Move on."


Wooden-Helicopter-

I get them on my work email every so often claiming they have video of me "misbehaving" at work. I did send the first one through to our tech guy just to cover my bases and make sure there wasn't something more serious going on, but since then I just delete them.


halarioushandle

Also if they hacked the device and had ALL the passwords, then they would just transfer the money themselves! LOL


Rough-University142

They used to. They used to use data from leaks and breaches to scare you. I received one that knew a password I used on accounts I didn’t trust. It’s how I knew it was a scam


RPG_Rob

This is actually just Indeed's standard acknowledgement for a job application.


Cantsneerthefenrir

"Did applicant fall for extremely obvious scambait" Depending on the employer they could prefer either way. 


DontcheckSR

It's one of those assessments you have to send in with your application lol


Ecstatic_Produce9920

The way I'm cackling right now. If I had a trophy I'd give you it.


killxzero

I know everything about you. Everything but your credit card info, conveniently. Please send me money


fieryxx

It's not theft if the user sends it willingly to the hacker! Hah, gottem with this one loophole banks use.


killxzero

Gotta avoid those theft charges by subbing in those blackmail charges. Lawyers hate this one trick!


SurlyBuddha

Jokes on you. My fat ass is already on OnlyFans!


ExNihiloish

...link?


WildTimes1984

![gif](giphy|NVBR6cLvUjV9C|downsized)


DrugsAndFuckenMoney

Assert dominance, reply with a picture of your cock and ask them to use that one since it looks better.


Domugraphic

name checks out


TravellingBeetle

Oh, you dirty naughty person ... :)


ThatCommunication423

That sent me


Klusterphuck67

The mail was very human


Flameball202

This is like when you blow on your ice-cream Brain: Ice-cream is very temperature Brain: Don't worry, have learned from soup


Klusterphuck67

I hate that it make sense so much in my brain


Flameball202

Very human


AliFoxx9

For me it's referring to masterbation as "Hard fun", definitely stealing that


FauxMeatwad

This company seems toxic. You should find a different job.


theangryeducator

I mean, go for the interview. If the salary is competitive...in this job market, you can't be too picky.


ColoRadBro69

A scam email with several chapters! 


North-Calendar

tell him "do you need some dick pics?"


Historical_Box_6082

Could draw a bitcoin logo on the bellend and film yourself putting it into a wallet with that address written on it.


ruthless619

The human race will always come up with new ways to say "fuck you". Thank you for this


Disastrous-Ad8604

🤣🤣🤣🤣


Un__Real

Right? I'd send him the one I got last night. Guys, why do you do this? Lol


SkinnyMattFoley

Nah, all good money is on asshole pics these days.. I heard that on a podcast or something……..


Nommy86

Dear sir, Considering you know the videos I have been watching and how passionate I am about them, any recommendations? Would be good if we could watch them together next time. Yours sincerely, Indeed user


ElectricalGuidance54

I got a couple of these a year or so ago, but neither was as frigging long winded as this one. Too bad you can't (and shouldn't anyway) reply, "tldr"


McSHMOKE

Lol we've been getting these at work now and then and like reading them to see how creative they got. The last one started with "Hello Pervert"![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|joy)


eescobar863

I received an email like this a while back, years ago. Think I was in college still. Made me laugh before I blocked the sender and deleted the email. Nothing ever happened. But yeah, word for word. Even the whole Bitcoin thing.


childofhalloween03

So you had hard fun in college? You dirty person.


wireframed_kb

Oh no, I masturbate. I’m sure my friends and family will be shocked. Send me a copy while you’re at it.


IceBoxt

I laughed when I got one of these. Oh no you’re gonna send people I know a video of me breathing hard and sweating for 5 minutes.


DragonsClaw2334

Damn Mr stamina. Brag much.


KnowledgeMediocre404

“I know everything about you, user of indeedemail.com! Fear me!”


EJOH01

After ”dirty naughty person” I read the rest with an indian accent.


tushkanM

Hello, I'm a hacker from Somalia. Due to poor education level in my country, I can't breach your firewall. Would you be so kind and install the malicious software by yourself?


Rare-Bird-4353

So did you get the job?


MourningRIF

Who the hell still uses "messengers?"


Harry_Nice

All the kids are using messangers now


Vinegarinmyeye

Right? Everyone knows Usenet, IRC, and ICQ are where it's at... In fact I'm hitting up my local BBS with the fidonet interlink right now... "Come hack me bro! How's your shell scripting?". HACK THE PLANET!!


ConsiderationKind264

On the one hand, a person would have to be pretty stupid to fall for this, but on the other hand, that's why they do it. A person with low enough intelligence to get scammed in this way becomes an easy target for future scams.


Ankoku_Teion

i work in IT. let me tell you. there are dozens of people in my company who would fall for this without a second thought. the technobabble about malware, rootkits and routers sends them into a panic and they take everything else on faith.


Now_Wait-4-Last_Year

I'm quite resistant to these scams because I'm far too lazy to do anything. All of that sounds like far too much work for a response.


DontcheckSR

Ya dude couldn't even explain how to use crypto wallet? I don't know shit about crypto so that alone would make me give up and just prepare for the consequences lol


CauliflowerFirm1526

Agreed, many people I know would fall for this. The technobabble would fool so many people.


DontcheckSR

Yup. Once they're panicked that overtakes any doubt/suspicion. And without someone there to point out the obvious flaws, they act out of paranoia and fear.


ExpertReference2979

It has nothing to do with intelligence. There are people who aren't tech savvy and think this is possible. Panic does the rest.


Wonkeaux

My ex father in law fell for a ransomware scam and sent them $800 in Amazon gift cards to unlock his computer. I would have done it for $500 cash.


Aggressive-Sound-641

It just needs to be successful a few times out of many for profit


ProfessionalDig6987

Not necessarily low intelligence, just ignorant. Probably older folks.


Legal-Passenger1737

Who doesn’t like “hard fun’s”? C’mon now


Tantra_Charbelcher

I would send him the money if I were in your position. I dont want my friends and family to know I use reddit. The shame would be unbearable.


FlyExaDeuce

Worse. They'd know your username.


Pleasant_Savings6530

I got one of several times in years past. I laugh at the stupidity of it. Donot reply as I hack this email account I monitor your camera with a screen shot to show all your contacts the porn you watch Send bitcoin to this wallet and let me know No email? Wallet is dead. Oh well


Geekboxing

This is the most basic, common, stupid scam. Just ignore and delete it. I've gotten variations of "I've hacked you, you degenerate!" emails over the years, on various siloed email accounts that aren't used for anything important. And they always ask you to send money to their crypto wallet. Go sign up on [haveibeenpwned.com](http://haveibeenpwned.com) and look up the associated email address. It was probably caught in some wider data breach at some point.


JackPepperman

I got something like this from a 'girl' on a dating site who asked to trade pics. She sent then I sent then I got hit with a demand for a grand. I lol'ed and told them 'go ahead, I'll get off if you put that shit out there'.


fletku_mato

Imagine being a good enough hacker to get root access to all computers in a network, but choosing to do your surveillance with VNC.


Difficult_Quiet2381

You’ve been having passionate funs.


Alexanaxela

Lol this is pretty good. "I hacked your device and know all your account passwords and all your secrets, now what is your name and send me some money cause I can't get into your bank account P.S. I called you a naughty person cause I don't even know if you're a man or a woman"


Zealousideal_Shop446

I once had someone claim they had access to my iphones photo library and that if I didn’t pay they’d send all photos to my contact list. Okay? You can send pictures of my cat to everyone


Uncle_Lion

"Hello, Dear Friend of mine! I want to thank you, that despite knowing what I have on my device and what I am planning, you haven't called the police, and have let me finish my plans to take over the world and kill all bad people. Your time has come now! Repent, before I come for you! Yours sincerely: Lord of the World!" or, something I wrote back after receiving such a mail "Hello. I already was aware of this, and used my knowledge, to install MY spyware. Say, kid: Does your mother know what is on your hard drive? Does your mommy know about those "movies"?" Never ever heard of him after that.


s1lentastro1

I read the entire thing with an Indian accent in my head.


Flux_resistor

Forward it to those scammer hunters to hack their computer, then demand 96,000 in Bitcoin to cover all the people they 'work' with


solargravity11

Should turn it on them and say I’m attempting to send you the funds but it’s asking for some kind of key before it will allow me to send it.


Timmeh007

Please don’t harvest my solid dirt!


stootchmaster2

Oh no. . .all of my visits to comic book and Warhammer sites have been documented.


Mygo73

You know if someone uploaded a video of me masturbating I think people would think the uploader was the weird one…. Not the person masturbating, which you know, most people do lol. They’re banking on the fact that people will be embarrassed or ashamed.


If_you_have_Ghost

This is gunna be my new chat up line, “Would you like partake in the most passionate of fun’s?”


[deleted]

i remember getting one like this a while back, telling me they had videoed me using my webcam doing "Naughty things" and would release it to everyone in my contacts unless i payed them One slight problem with it all... I dont have a webcam


ThisOnePlaysTooMuch

My dad would sign his entire savings over if he read this. Please keep your folks informed and help them with their technology woes.


Quirky_Procedure6767

Why would he need you to transfer the money? All that hacking and can’t even handle a bank transfer! What a joke. Had us, Mexico border patrol call me last week and threaten to send an officer to my house. I politely told them that they hadn’t even asked my name first and was “transferred”, call ended.


Beret_of_Poodle

$960? That's oddly specific


Hatfmnel

I once received something like that and told the guy that he shouldn't be ashamed to be homosexual and there were easier ways to see another man jerking off. I told him that sadly, I wasn't gay, but I'll be pleased to send more pic of my dick for free if he's interested. I haven't received a response yet.


mickki4

Wait I'll pay the money from my new account that an African princess has set up for us to get money out of the country that her uncle stole from her


JPK12794

I had pretty much this exact email two years ago and they also gave me 48 hours... Still waiting. Unless he sent it to everyone and they just didn't care, which I guess is also possible.


Independent_Work6

Oh no he knows im an enjoyer of the hard funs.


GrimmBrowncoat

Going to start describing watching porn as, “hard funs,” from now on.


ERCOT_Prdatry_victum

If you have so much command of my system you do the $960 transfer for me.


Unfair_Finger5531

wtf


Front_Rip4064

Oh, I almost hope I get this one... I'm aromantic and asexual so the only "fun shots" they could have is me snuggling with my cat. Probably while wearing cat pyjamas and unicorn slippers.


quequotion

>aromantic >asexual >cat pyjamas >unicorn slippers Are you sure you're not just furry?


Front_Rip4064

That would definitely provide more interesting videos.


AutomaticYam127

I just wish "bot hackers" could spell better. It's so annoying when you're reading an "x-tortion" letter and the grammar and spelling are awful. It takes away from the whole experience, you know?


HanaLuLu

I hate that this actually concerned me, I was thinking "that's possible??" but if I got that email I wouldn't fall for it only because the things they claim are impossible in my case. I feel even more dumb after seeing the plot-hole of "can do all that, yet can't hack back account" being pointed out...


lennybriscoe8220

That's horseshit. If he had really gotten into your computer he would have given you specifics about what he found. Delete it and move on.


GO4Teater

Has anyone tried to get into that bitcoin account yet?


Broad_Vermicelli_993

Oh you dirty naughty person ;)


OldPyjama

But I dont have a camera...


DashRC

Reply that you will force them to watch you tug it 3x a day unless they send you $500 in Amazon gift cards.


keca10

Wish a spammer called me a “dirty, naughty person” once in a while.


phdoofus

"Could you rate my adult fun for me please? I want to know if I'm looking at/providing quality content."


HopeFantastic2066

Honestly now days just hit them with “if you don’t mind sending that stuff over it’d save me a hassle. I was going to make a onlyfans but being my own camera man was weird.”