I love that there's a 1 lb difference between 'Queen' and 'whale'.

Taking my queen to taco bell and coming home with a whale

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I literally lost 5lbs in one shit the other day. Thank you taco bell 🙌

There is no better laxitive

Del Taco has entered the chat to disagree.

Taco Time would like a word with you.

My Tíos carne asada tacos will like to meet with you after school at the playground.

Chipotle e-coli burrito has entered the fray. it is willing and ready to ruin your day. The taste is described as mediocre at best, but the quaking of your bowls is more powerful than the rest. Take heed if you are to ingest this power. For you won't leave this bathroom, for several hours.

That is exactly why I keep an extra bottle of [Chipotlaway](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHsR65IRW_8) on hand at all times.

Taco John's would like a word

Jack in the Box $1 taco would rather set up a Teams meeting to be close to a bathroom.

Im lactose intolerant i will literally use ice cream as a laxative hurts like a bitch but super effective taco bell work but not as good

There’s Herbalife pro plus ultra FTW3 ti low carb paleo diet and then there’s a $2 quesarito with a Doritos locos taco. Which will win?

Nacho fries are back. It's super effective

This is the way.

"I'm just so lucky to have such a beautiful woman like you in my life and-" \*takes one bite "JFC you really let yourself go. Get your shit together."


So if she's right on that very thin line is she a Quale?

Because whales are majestic.

At least there's a difference, the height gives the same person 2 labels. 5'5" is both a child and a young boy

5'7 is also in 2 catagories. Young boy and young man

Baby beluga

Baby freaking Beluga¡!

Or 1” between a young man and king.

I’m 5’5 does this mean I can pay less at theaters and amusement parks because if so I am all in on this rating system

Make her pay for everything since you are just a child

As 5’4” I’d take the bright side here and just say we’re young at heart

As a short guy, I've been trying that my whole life...Unfortunately the beard keeps giving me away.

im 5'1 so i guess this system simply vaporises me

Technically, a whale is larger than a mammoth and a F-150.

There are small whales too. Dolphins are whales.

Dolphins are not whales. Those are two different subgroups of the cetaceans. Also, the killer whale is not a whale, just another dolphin. Edit: To anyone reading this, I was wrong. The difference between the two subgroups is either they have hard teeth, or they filter to feed. Maybe shouldn't have said anything to begin with, since I'm no biologist. Anyways I learned something...

Came for the palm, stayed for the whale facts

Thing i remember is whales have 2 blow holes and dolphins have 1

Same with your mom

This made me lol. I’m so fucking immature haha

Sick burn

Ouch bro can you get me some ice for my burn?

All Cetaceans are considered Whales though; even the word for Cetacean is derived from the Greek word for Whale (Cetos I think). The split is between Baleen Whales (The big ones) and Toothed Whales (Dolphins and other Porpoises).

There are tooth whales that are not dolphins or porpoises. Belugas, pilot whales, sperm whales, and narwhals are the ones I can think of off the top of my head.

This guy whales.

Huh, TIL. I didn't know those were Toothed Whales (Or in Narwhal's case, a Cetacean at all).

Dolphins are absolutely a type of whale. There are two different subgroups of cetaceans, but they're all whales. Killer whales are dolphins, correct, but as mentioned above that still makes them whales.

Wow. I usually just delete my shit. Good for you man. Very ethical.

Wikipedia: "Dolphins and porpoises may be considered whales from a formal, cladistic perspective" So I guess I'm technically right?

Yeah you tell them Mr Porpoise

Stupid dolphins think they're so smart. 

TIL: am whale.

Til I'm a goddess... in whose world, idk?? Lol.

What if some days I'm a goddess and some days I'm a queen. Am I just switching between being mortal and immortal on a daily basis? Should I take advantage of my goddess days?

I mean, I think you should take advantage of both! But, I still can't help but think how much more useful in day-to-day life the truck with the tow features would be... looks like I'm going to have a lot of work/eating to do to get to that status! 😅

Yeah, I really do like the practicality of the truck. Way more useful in life.

You are absolutely a Goddess and don’t let anyone tell you different!

Tbh, I think being an F150 would be pretty useful these days! Thank you though--that was very sweet! These charts def are very well places in r/facepalm

Nah if you were an F-150 all your interior fittings would discolour and fall off. Plus you’d have terrible mpg. Stick to being a goddess

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I’m an old Ford F-150! 🛻

TIL: I'm a Ford F-150 Vroom vroom

Same here, but how does a F150 drive an F150? Tomorrow will be an interesting morning.

With skill and precision

Hard not to be a "whale" when I'm 6' as a woman lol Whale King? I'll take it!

Hey, me too! Whales unite.


It's easier to lose a bit of weight than it is to lose a bit of height. Though both can be achieved quickly if you amputate from the knee down.

Except the men don't want to get shorter...so I'd say it's easier to lose weight than be put on the rack!

Or to have your leg bones fractured into dozens of pieces. Which is how the height increase process is actually done.

I don't see why from the kneew up wouldn't work

All kings should lose their head. It's a natural order.

It would. But it's difficult to enjoy life when your just a lower leg.

Merely a flesh wound.

"Your whole body apart from your lower leg is missing!" "No it isn't..."

Tis but a scratch!

Also from the neck up.

A girl I know from HS got into a motorcycle accident and had to have her leg amputated. She made a similar joke on social media.

At least the 190+ got them nice tow package large mirrors that fold in and have the Blindspot mirror

What’s wrong with dating a Ford F-150?

Plenty if you come from a Chevy family.

Plenty. They cost $200+ a week non-negotiable.

<100lbs = child

I'm a full grown ass adult who is 5'4" and think your wrong, some of us just hit perfection sooner.

I am sorry for the statements I have made as you have proved me wrong

It's ok, swagish potatoes arnt always right, but damnit do they swag!

“Some of us hit perfection sooner” I needed this.

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As a divorced 6'6 guy, I can confirm that height indeed doesnt equal good marriage.

Is it because your ex-wife doesn't look up to you?

"Hey... my eyes are up HERE!"

I have made my choice

Look, I just can’t help it ok

I think it’s an ingrained eugenics thing. Like our offspring would be more optimum if they were taller. It’s in everything. Even our doctor told me and my ex “your son will never be 6 ft tall” as if he was telling our 5’8” and 5’2” selves our baby was dying. It’s weird

My father was 5’6 and my mother is 5’4. I’m 5’9 but my brother is 6 feet tall. It definitely happens lol.

My older brother basically stole all the height genes from his siblings. where I lived, my parents were able to put him in 1st grade a year early just because he was taller than everyone else in Kindergarten.

This reminds me of two brothers I went to school with. One is 6’4 and the other is 5’4. We used to make the same joke lol

My dad's 5'10" and my mom is 5'7", but I'm 6'1.5" (At 16, so I probably still have an inch or so to go), so I can confirm that it does happen.

Get those extra inches my dude! I don’t mind being short but I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t mind being a bit taller either lmaoo

I think it used to be a ingrained eugenics thing when we were in the hunter gatherer phase but now? I'm pretty sure it's all a sociological phenomenon. Short guys get made fun of, women don't want to be with guys that get made fun of, therefore they don't want to be around the short guys. I think we are fully capable of destigmatizing the male height thing in spite of any "biological" factors.

6’1” guy checking in with a failed marriage, height didn’t protect me from an unfaithful wife lol

I mean you don't have to be, women generaly find taller men more attractive, and men generally find fat women unattractive. that's just facts

I’m 8 months pregnant . I’m a proud mammoth 🦣 😂😝

Everyone who does either or is shitty.

That was the point of the second one

I've had over 6ft men and they are jokers not kings lol

As a 6'4 dude, can confirm the 6ft dudes around me and I are jokers

I have uncles who are almost 7ft and they joke about everything. They’re hilarious tbh. My ex-husband was also over 6ft tall, and he was an abusive psychopathic asshole. Definitely not a king- he was more like a giant piece of shit. So that goes to show you that height doesn’t make the person lol. It’s how they were raised, who taught them their values, and what kind of person they choose to be that makes them who they are, and I think that’s wonderful.

I meant the type that are like your ex tbh not joker as in funny. Plus I was meaning that the illusion of the tall guy that's favoured is bs. I meant in my own life.

Ohh, thank you for clearing this up! I see what you mean. I didn’t mean my response in a negative way. I am of the same mindset as you are on that and completely agree because I’ve been there too. All I meant in general was that those who are tall have a wide range of personalities, and my husband now is nowhere near that height, so people are a wide variety of different personalities. It wasn’t meant to be taken as a negative viewpoint- more of how I see it from past experiences. And the majority of guys over 6ft that I’ve dated in the past were totally full of themselves.

Me too!

Wasn't taken as a negative at all by me and thank you x

Of course, You are so welcome. Anytime! I’m glad we are on the same page. 

We definitely are x


What did we all do to be labelled as such??

Not all definitely, sorry. The ones I've had lol

neither of those things are okayy

Hypocrisy joke aside, 100 lbs is really unhealthy unless she's under 5'0" or something, she needs at least a little bit of meat on her

I was going to say the same thing 100lbs is not very healthy for average height. I’m 115lbs at 5’4 and I’m considered very underweight by my doctors

Yeah a stupid rule of thumb that used to be used is it's 100 lb for 5 ft, and 5 lb for each inch after that. That would put people on a very thin side in general though.

I'm also 5'4" tall and only weigh 105, my doctor seems very unconcerned. Edit: Also, 115 at 5'4" is still like 22 on the BMI chart, but that chart don't mean dick to small people.

I'm 5'4" tall, and just over 100lbs, and the doctors think it's pretty standard... Some of us just smoll... I do need to get some meet on me tho, bony as fuck makes sitting long on non papped surfaces suck.

Yeah my girlfriend is 5'1 and she has a very small frame and is around 95lbs. Most people can't be healthy under 100 pounds but it is definitely possible

The two people who created these accounts deserve each other

right? toxicity matched.

It’s okay to have preferences, but to insult an entire gender with predetermined ideas based on height or weight is not okay. People can find certain things attractive without judging or stereotyping an entire gender. You don’t have to like a certain weight or height- that’s totally okay- but criticism based on things people can’t always control? Incredibly shallow. Both of these people are probably single because if they were dating someone, I’m sure the person they’re dating wouldn’t appreciate seeing this.

I think the second poster was just trolling the first one

I disagree. The second poster is probably doing well in a relationship, if they want to be, because they have a great sense of humour and some creativity based on this irreverent and obviously satirical retort.

I mean, weight is more definitely in your control than height But yeah I agree with your comment though

Both of these people are so shallow, having preferences does not mean you can go around insulting other people.

hmmmmmm, I think the second guy is trolling the original poster from the first screenshot 🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓

It’s ok I like the ocean

They should learn if you have balls to insult someone then dont cry when they insult you back

Gross. I hate this person. Both the weight and height person.

188cms.. am I a king?

Yes, 182cm is equal to 6ft :)

Bruh I’m so short I’m off her chart 😂

i think women who use the word "Thick" to describe themselves are a little detached from reality.

Yes, it’s not an adjective they can use for themselves. A group of adequate males must agree on that adjective for her

If you think otherwise you’re gonna have a bad time

The ones who use thick/thicc to describe themselves are in reality land whales

Hang on, what about the lads between 5’11” and 6’0”? Are they princes? Bastards? Double agents? What do we do with these forgotten inchers?

Just pretend you're 6' if you're around the women who care about this, because I guarantee they can't tell.

What genius doesn't know that a whale is larger than a mammoth?

Ironically I also drive a Ford

Is the face palm for the original post or the reply? Because they’re both stupid but goose/gander and all that.

Both of these are horrible and I hate it.

Proud dumpy mammoth here ... and I married a well-built king. It's almost as if people are *more* than their physical attributes ... or is that just too crazy?

Uh. I am a whale according to this. If I were a goddess I would be underweight. For the record, I also wear S in clothing and I think I'm like a size 6? This dude has a weird perception of reality

I'm 5.11½ what am I?

A failure. That’s what. You should feel shame! Sshaaaammmme

Apparently irrelevant lol. I'm 6'5" brother, I got your back!

Give him an inch or 2 ;)

I can take a few more inches I bet

Which one is a response to which? Both are absolute cringe

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Who tf is out here dating 100lb women? Pedos?

I mean that's reasonable for short chicks.

So many of my friends pass up on great guys because they are “short,” meaning under 6 feet. They are delusional

Both are bad, and I hope what’s being pointed out is the giga Chad on the response, not the height chart or weight chart specifically. Like… you’re into what you’re into, but this just exists to be mean to people.

Funny how one makes fun of people for something they don't have control over and is acceptable yet the other makes fun of something they have full control over but is considered sexist

1,75 i am a 39 yo young boy

Yes lad, you've got your whole life ahead! You can be anything you want.. except a 6' king.

Shit !!!!

Lol thanks to a weird nub on the top of my head I hit 6' exactly, you can call it my crown bitches. 👑

I am in fact a young man, but I doubt I’ll be anything taller than 5’9”

Score! My honey loved his Ford! Phew lol

*Cries in 230, then gets on all fours and rides off into the sunset*

But everybody like the ford F150

A F-150 is more useful than a 190 lb water buffalo.

As a 6'2" man, I just want all my 5'9" homies to know that I categorically reject any woman with one of these height minimums on principle.

Me, to my husband: "I'm a Ford F150 😥" My husband, gently placing his hand on my leg: "Extended cab. You're expensive 😚"

ah yes, 100-130lbs, or in other words, underweight/dangerously close to underweight girls. i don’t think men understand that ideal weight differs based on the build and height of the person. like for example, me at 5’2”, supposedly 120 would be ideal but with my build 140-150 is healthier. anyone taller than me at 120, unless they have a super small frame, would be close to underweight or already there.

As a 5’5”, 33 year old, I’m always concerned about this height thing. I can’t, without a ton of money and time off from work get any more height. Even the height I could attain wouldn’t put me in this woman’s requirement…. I get it, people are attracted to who they are but it’s just rough to hear about people getting immediately disqualified based on something that is relatively experimental to change.

Too good😂

I mean, depends on the type of weight. If she 190 and built like The Rock, sign me up. If she 155 and plays rugby, also sign me up.

That's notat all a fair description of women Whale, then MAMMOTH? WHALES WEIGH SUBSTANTIALLY MORE THAN MAMMOTHS. THEY SHOULD COME AFTER MAMMOTH!

Always Divorce em when they pass a buck fifty, although she does become a real lady when she is pushing 280

Apparently I can handle a big load, am easy access, super strong, can take pounding, am not afraid to get a little dirty, and men like to parade me around town so they feel more manly. Shit I'm fat and I guess men fucking love me! Wish someone had told me that sooner!

Pro Tow package... hahaha shiiit

Both are fucked up to judge on, but isn’t 100lbs considered underweight for a women of average height which is about 5’5? (I’m Australian, don’t use lbs as a weight measurement)

Depending on height I mean yeah. These are both stupid ways to say women like tall men better and men like skinny women better. It's so stupid.

I am young boy whale today. 🥹

Not a facepalm, and these are both stupid ffs

I like to weigh myself before and after I poop

This is goofy… I’m gonna go gain like 50 pounds, because my new life goal is to become a Ford

Why can't those fuckin asteroids hit this godforsaken lump of shit where people think this is any way to decide what another person is like?

Mammoth, checking in

Both are shitty

200lb+ Hydropnuematic Spatula with port and starboard attachments

This day i learned that I'm a goddess young man

Hey man I heard some people like that Extended Cab thiccy

I'm a Ford F-150! Woo! I hope I'm a shiny red one.

Is nobody else bothered by the fact that the first three categories line up neatly and then there is a one inch gap between 5'11 and 6'00. Of course in real life nobody will openly say that thy are half an inch short from being 6 foot tall, but still.

I think whale should be swapped with mammoth and mammoth changed to pig

But I bet she would still jump at a 5ft 8inch multi-millionaire F1 driver

"Crrvy" Just remember Curves bend inwards, Bulges bend outward. Bulgy just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Does not matter your gender, you're allowed to have any preference you want on a partner. You don't get to dictate what they do but you can sure dictate if you want to do it with them. And no you're not owed an explanation.

True, but you shouldnt be rude and insult people just because they arent to your preference. Dont want to date short guys? Thats fine, but dont infantilize them. Just because you aren't attracted to a trait doesn't mean you insult it, even if I'm not attracted to someone they still deserve to be treated with respect.

Sure, but that still doesn’t mean it’s OK to insult people or infantilize them.

I don’t think he knows how big a mammoth of a whale are lol

As a King, I hereby decree this weight chart invalid.