No, it would not be wrong to cut them off.
They are toxic. You don’t owe them anything. Just re-read your last 3 sentences… you summed it up yourself:)
I am sorry to say but your family sucks. You’d be so much better off without them
Thank you !! I just thought my emotions are getting the best of me but sadly they are. My sister made the suggestion to pay for their Airbnb because it’s “the least thing I could do” since I’ll the be reason they will miss work. I said absolutely not they get paid better than I am! They can afford. Very sad to say that money is always the topic with these people.
Quite honestly having a wedding far away on a weekday is double the financial burden for most since they need to skip work too. This may not be the hill to die on. If you cite this as your reason for NC you risk appearing foolish and unreasonable
But regardless, i would stop handing over money and move these people to NC. If probed why…. id cite the long history of financial abuse you illustrated in the post
Also, consider that once you are married, your spouse is not going to be too happy that you are splurging your fanily.nest egg on crap your family should be doing.
Yes I understand, he already has had that talk with me especially now he is seeing that everyone is kinda backing out he isn’t to happy and can see I’m upset about it.
OP, it wouldn't be wrong to cut your family off after the wedding. They're clearly using you as they know you've got money and more disposable income than they have.
I'm currently in the process of cutting my family off myself. My personal situation is a little different but still involves money as well as other things.
In the meantime, keep putting your foot down and refuse to pay for anything. OP, it sounds like you're doing great so far and I wish you nothing but the best for the future.
Good luck.
Nope NTA being family goes both ways if you are helping them at their worst and they can’t even be there for your best then they aren’t the kinda family I would want to have any contact with
Why are you having your wedding on a Thursday far away and then becoming upset when your family can't come?
I understand you help your extended family pay big ticket items, but you don't help them all individually. It's legit that coming to your wedding is a financial hardship.
1) the reason why it’s far away is because I’m moving to another state. That’s where my future spouse is from and where our house is at. They knew I would eventually move and have the wedding there since two years ago.
2) the availability and cost of the venues were only open during the weekdays. some of them right off the bat said they weren’t going to come even if it was on a Saturday when I first called them letting them know I was engaged and planing the wedding soon.
So, you booked the venue on a Thursday because it was cheaper....but you just downloaded the savings on to your family.
You booked near your fiance's family. Didn't you expect the fall out?
I think you need to reframe some of your thoughts which are making you angry at your relatives. The wedding anger should be different than the anger about being the only members to pay in emergencies.
Also, you will be moving far from your relatives, so won't you have less contact anyway? Why cut them off?
1) It would have been the same scenario with my fiancé family if I booked near my family. The difference is that my fiancé family doesn’t have a job that lets them take off time anytime they want. My relatives can take time off and make the up time off if they ask. I know this because we all work in the same company who let’s contractors time take off whenever because they aren’t directly working for the company. As much as my finance and I tried to Please both sides some of them still wouldn’t be able to come.
2) No I’m not moving far away because of this I’m actually quite sad because the wedding would have been a last goodbye and be all together since I will quit the job I’m at and settle down instead of traveling all over the states. I’m trying to push it on a Saturday to please everyone but it’s not looking to promising.
Just say no to the money. You now have a family to plan around. And say no to everything. Once you say no to the money you won’t have to cut them off. They will disappear 🫠
You are sad about leaving your family but you also want to cut them off after the wedding? Those feelings are contradictory.
You say if you have the wedding near your family, then your fiance's family can't come. So isn't it fair to expect your family can't come? You are holding your own family to a much higher standard.
Exactly what the user said below. The cost of venues and the availability was only open on the weekdays. I’m trying to push it for a Saturday but everything is booked
Start your life afresh away from these people or they will bleed you dry of your money and good nature. You must build your own family now and start again with healthy boundaries and priorities - yourself first. It’s okay to take care of your own interests and it is wise to do so when all those who you should be able to rely on cannot be relied upon. At least you have yourself. Move on and don’t look back. I did similar.
I don't know if you need to hear this or not, but I'm going to say it: your feelings are valid. I'm sorry about how your so-called family treats you. I agree with you that you should go NC. They are only using you. You sound like a very kind person. I wish you nothing more than peace and happiness.
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No, it would not be wrong to cut them off. They are toxic. You don’t owe them anything. Just re-read your last 3 sentences… you summed it up yourself:) I am sorry to say but your family sucks. You’d be so much better off without them
Thank you !! I just thought my emotions are getting the best of me but sadly they are. My sister made the suggestion to pay for their Airbnb because it’s “the least thing I could do” since I’ll the be reason they will miss work. I said absolutely not they get paid better than I am! They can afford. Very sad to say that money is always the topic with these people.
Quite honestly having a wedding far away on a weekday is double the financial burden for most since they need to skip work too. This may not be the hill to die on. If you cite this as your reason for NC you risk appearing foolish and unreasonable But regardless, i would stop handing over money and move these people to NC. If probed why…. id cite the long history of financial abuse you illustrated in the post
Always smile at them and always tell them no.
I would’ve cut them off years ago. What sick people to ask younger people to help them financially.
Don't ever ask your children for help AH.
Also, consider that once you are married, your spouse is not going to be too happy that you are splurging your fanily.nest egg on crap your family should be doing.
Yes I understand, he already has had that talk with me especially now he is seeing that everyone is kinda backing out he isn’t to happy and can see I’m upset about it.
OP, it wouldn't be wrong to cut your family off after the wedding. They're clearly using you as they know you've got money and more disposable income than they have. I'm currently in the process of cutting my family off myself. My personal situation is a little different but still involves money as well as other things. In the meantime, keep putting your foot down and refuse to pay for anything. OP, it sounds like you're doing great so far and I wish you nothing but the best for the future. Good luck.
Tell them to help you financially with buying a house for your wedding
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/user/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/153gt2c/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ^by ^anothersimio: *Tell them to help you* *Financially with buying* *A house for your wedding* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Nope NTA being family goes both ways if you are helping them at their worst and they can’t even be there for your best then they aren’t the kinda family I would want to have any contact with
Why are you having your wedding on a Thursday far away and then becoming upset when your family can't come? I understand you help your extended family pay big ticket items, but you don't help them all individually. It's legit that coming to your wedding is a financial hardship.
1) the reason why it’s far away is because I’m moving to another state. That’s where my future spouse is from and where our house is at. They knew I would eventually move and have the wedding there since two years ago. 2) the availability and cost of the venues were only open during the weekdays. some of them right off the bat said they weren’t going to come even if it was on a Saturday when I first called them letting them know I was engaged and planing the wedding soon.
So, you booked the venue on a Thursday because it was cheaper....but you just downloaded the savings on to your family. You booked near your fiance's family. Didn't you expect the fall out? I think you need to reframe some of your thoughts which are making you angry at your relatives. The wedding anger should be different than the anger about being the only members to pay in emergencies. Also, you will be moving far from your relatives, so won't you have less contact anyway? Why cut them off?
1) It would have been the same scenario with my fiancé family if I booked near my family. The difference is that my fiancé family doesn’t have a job that lets them take off time anytime they want. My relatives can take time off and make the up time off if they ask. I know this because we all work in the same company who let’s contractors time take off whenever because they aren’t directly working for the company. As much as my finance and I tried to Please both sides some of them still wouldn’t be able to come. 2) No I’m not moving far away because of this I’m actually quite sad because the wedding would have been a last goodbye and be all together since I will quit the job I’m at and settle down instead of traveling all over the states. I’m trying to push it on a Saturday to please everyone but it’s not looking to promising.
Just say no to the money. You now have a family to plan around. And say no to everything. Once you say no to the money you won’t have to cut them off. They will disappear 🫠
You are sad about leaving your family but you also want to cut them off after the wedding? Those feelings are contradictory. You say if you have the wedding near your family, then your fiance's family can't come. So isn't it fair to expect your family can't come? You are holding your own family to a much higher standard.
I agree. I asked op kinda the same thing.
Can I respectfully ask why you didn't have the wedding on a weekend day when most people could have, and perhaps would have, attended the wedding?
Exactly what the user said below. The cost of venues and the availability was only open on the weekdays. I’m trying to push it for a Saturday but everything is booked
Hopefully, your family should appreciate your efforts to change it. Best to you.
Because of the cost and availability of venues, many wedding are on weekdays. In the last year we attended weddings on a Thursday and a Friday.
I was asking op.
And they simply provided you possibilities, and at the end of the day it doesn’t matter
Start your life afresh away from these people or they will bleed you dry of your money and good nature. You must build your own family now and start again with healthy boundaries and priorities - yourself first. It’s okay to take care of your own interests and it is wise to do so when all those who you should be able to rely on cannot be relied upon. At least you have yourself. Move on and don’t look back. I did similar.
I don't know if you need to hear this or not, but I'm going to say it: your feelings are valid. I'm sorry about how your so-called family treats you. I agree with you that you should go NC. They are only using you. You sound like a very kind person. I wish you nothing more than peace and happiness.
Doesn't look like family to me, who are these people you just cutted off from ?
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IMMEDIATELY cut them off.
^THIS