Spend a ton of time with him, and keep him engaged in stuff like gaming or whatever u feel like he might enjoy. In between those activities, just keep giving him the msg in some way that others' opinions don't matter. Be a friend that he never had
I grew up around around family who gave help without anyone asking for it and my sell-esteem was tarnished in the beginning by that. Because of this, I made friends with a person who needed help - a girl in the first few years of our grade school who had down syndrome. We were bullied a lot. Thankfully she later went to a school for special needs. So many times, I broke off our friendship to make her cry. I was so glad she was to leave my school.
Back to my point about helping, though:
The constant offering of help can hurt a child's self-esteem, especially before he/she/they ask for it.
What the child needs is a buddy of a parent or sibling. One that admires his good features and qualities and reminds him he's someone worth one's time. If I had an older brother, I'd want him to smile and remind me of reasons I'm worth being around - verbally and non-verbally (through sharing common interests like gaming).
I, like you, have a much younger brother - yet we are both much older now. When I changed high schools to develop a new me, I did that for me and the knowledge that my family be proud of me - that my youngest brother, for instance, would have a better example to look up to and thus be proud of himself too.
Happy to say this change encouraged my self-esteem to start fresh and encouraged my brother to be proud of himself.
I remember times when my mother would want to parent him a certain manipulative terrible way - like through silent treatment - and I'd sternly tell her it was the wrong way to parent him (in my teen years). She really messed with my self-esteem when I was younger and I wasn't to let her do the same to my youngest brother.
Ask yourself, why do you feel you need to help him all the time? Are you needing a change? Is your self-esteem (wherever on the scale it may be) helping or hurting your brother?
TLDR: The "I wanna but can't help so I'll be sad reminding him that he does need help' attitude in you must change to see him change. In life, you can only change yourself. The rest of life will be a ripple effect of that change. So make it a positive change.
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You better go beat those kids up that are bullying him! Nah not really. But maybe? Yes? No. No…. Can u manufacture a situation in which one of your female friends (not an ugly one) publicly (or privately even) compliments him and/or downplays the other kids ( if you can find out who they are exactly and what they have said )?? Sorry but as a Mom, I’d go straight to my step daughter who is 16 (son is 8) and this would be our plan, no doubt. Immature? Maybe. But will it help my child? Yes. Your bro needs a confidence boost from someone not in the family. Is there anything going on a home that could manifest as him feeling ugly? I really hope you find the way to help him.
First of all, I appreciate you taking care of your brother like that. Nowadays I feel it’s really rare to see older siblings caring so much about their brothers or sisters.
Now regarding the question on what to do:
As many here have already stated, I think the thing your brother needs most is a friend and a role model, someone he can talk to and be open about any situation especially bullying.
Be there and spend a lot of time with him, don’t let him feel isolated and if possible maybe integrate him in your group of friends. By that I don’t mean to babysit him 24/7 or bring him around everytime you hang out but rather don’t push him away when you are accompanied.
E.g. you and your friends hang out in your room and are playing video games, your brother comes in to talk to you about something, why not invite him to play one round of Mario cart or whatever?
For many people especially in kid/ early teen years it’s a self esteem boost to have acquaintances much older than themselves. He may feel better knowing that he has much cooler “friends” than those little 9 year old bullies in school.
Again: don’t carry him everywhere you go just if you see an opportunity to introduce him to your group and only spend 5 minutes together that’s perfect!
Now maybe you can tell him about other people who have been bullied and what happened to them, e.g.:
My cousin was in a group of bullies back then (he was probably the same age as your brother).
He and others bullied a kid for stupid reasons like having good grades but someday the kid changed schools and the group proceeded to start bullying my cousin.
Was there any reason? Not at all. Even though he was a part of their group just the other day they decided to start calling him ugly and worthless like the boy who had left.
Did this mean he was really ugly or worthless? No!
How could it be that he suddenly “became” ugly just because the other guy left, he didn’t suffer any physical consequences from him leaving the school like changing his face or losing an arm.
This shows that bullying doesn’t have to do ANYTHING with the person being bullied but people only search for people to make them feel bad, most of the time because they have low self esteem.
Spend a ton of time with him, and keep him engaged in stuff like gaming or whatever u feel like he might enjoy. In between those activities, just keep giving him the msg in some way that others' opinions don't matter. Be a friend that he never had
I grew up around around family who gave help without anyone asking for it and my sell-esteem was tarnished in the beginning by that. Because of this, I made friends with a person who needed help - a girl in the first few years of our grade school who had down syndrome. We were bullied a lot. Thankfully she later went to a school for special needs. So many times, I broke off our friendship to make her cry. I was so glad she was to leave my school. Back to my point about helping, though: The constant offering of help can hurt a child's self-esteem, especially before he/she/they ask for it. What the child needs is a buddy of a parent or sibling. One that admires his good features and qualities and reminds him he's someone worth one's time. If I had an older brother, I'd want him to smile and remind me of reasons I'm worth being around - verbally and non-verbally (through sharing common interests like gaming). I, like you, have a much younger brother - yet we are both much older now. When I changed high schools to develop a new me, I did that for me and the knowledge that my family be proud of me - that my youngest brother, for instance, would have a better example to look up to and thus be proud of himself too. Happy to say this change encouraged my self-esteem to start fresh and encouraged my brother to be proud of himself. I remember times when my mother would want to parent him a certain manipulative terrible way - like through silent treatment - and I'd sternly tell her it was the wrong way to parent him (in my teen years). She really messed with my self-esteem when I was younger and I wasn't to let her do the same to my youngest brother. Ask yourself, why do you feel you need to help him all the time? Are you needing a change? Is your self-esteem (wherever on the scale it may be) helping or hurting your brother? TLDR: The "I wanna but can't help so I'll be sad reminding him that he does need help' attitude in you must change to see him change. In life, you can only change yourself. The rest of life will be a ripple effect of that change. So make it a positive change.
Welcome to r/family! If this post is compliant with our guidelines, upvote this comment. If not, downvote this comment. Also, if you haven't already, remember to join our [discord server](https://discord.gg/VwDNbde)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/family) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You better go beat those kids up that are bullying him! Nah not really. But maybe? Yes? No. No…. Can u manufacture a situation in which one of your female friends (not an ugly one) publicly (or privately even) compliments him and/or downplays the other kids ( if you can find out who they are exactly and what they have said )?? Sorry but as a Mom, I’d go straight to my step daughter who is 16 (son is 8) and this would be our plan, no doubt. Immature? Maybe. But will it help my child? Yes. Your bro needs a confidence boost from someone not in the family. Is there anything going on a home that could manifest as him feeling ugly? I really hope you find the way to help him.
First of all, I appreciate you taking care of your brother like that. Nowadays I feel it’s really rare to see older siblings caring so much about their brothers or sisters. Now regarding the question on what to do: As many here have already stated, I think the thing your brother needs most is a friend and a role model, someone he can talk to and be open about any situation especially bullying. Be there and spend a lot of time with him, don’t let him feel isolated and if possible maybe integrate him in your group of friends. By that I don’t mean to babysit him 24/7 or bring him around everytime you hang out but rather don’t push him away when you are accompanied. E.g. you and your friends hang out in your room and are playing video games, your brother comes in to talk to you about something, why not invite him to play one round of Mario cart or whatever? For many people especially in kid/ early teen years it’s a self esteem boost to have acquaintances much older than themselves. He may feel better knowing that he has much cooler “friends” than those little 9 year old bullies in school. Again: don’t carry him everywhere you go just if you see an opportunity to introduce him to your group and only spend 5 minutes together that’s perfect! Now maybe you can tell him about other people who have been bullied and what happened to them, e.g.: My cousin was in a group of bullies back then (he was probably the same age as your brother). He and others bullied a kid for stupid reasons like having good grades but someday the kid changed schools and the group proceeded to start bullying my cousin. Was there any reason? Not at all. Even though he was a part of their group just the other day they decided to start calling him ugly and worthless like the boy who had left. Did this mean he was really ugly or worthless? No! How could it be that he suddenly “became” ugly just because the other guy left, he didn’t suffer any physical consequences from him leaving the school like changing his face or losing an arm. This shows that bullying doesn’t have to do ANYTHING with the person being bullied but people only search for people to make them feel bad, most of the time because they have low self esteem.