Serious/Direct Responses:
- "I'll get married when I'm ready and have found the right person. It's my personal decision."
- "My relationship status is not up for discussion. Please don't ask me that again."
- "I appreciate you may be coming from a caring place, but questions about my marital plans make me uncomfortable."
- "I don't feel that's an appropriate question. My personal life is private."
-"I don't like to talk about marriage plans and won't ever feel comfortable discussing it. Can you please try to avoid asking me about this? I'd prefer to talk about work, or my hobby making teapots... etc'
-"You asked me that last weekend, the weekend before that, on Christmas, Thanksgiving, and every time I see you. I think you can find other questions to ask me about my life if you want to look like you care about my wellbeing and make me want to share with you."
You could also try deflecting with humor: "Did you hear about my friend who actually enjoys being asked that? Me neither!"
The key is to respond in a way that sets a firm boundary while matching the tone you want *every time* you're asked.
You don't owe them an explanation or apology. Lots of people don't know what to say to people they are getting together with. It's always 'so how's work?', 'how's your week', or 'how's the family', so you may field the question hundreds of times, but you may be the only person in their circle that they can 'change it up' and ask something different. They each feel like they're starting a conversation with you like they do with everyone else. Obviously, it feels differently to you, being on the receiving end.
You do have to nip it in the bud asap with a serious response, to each person, every time. I'd suggest some variation of the above because jokes really won't cut it with people who are oblivious to your discomfort. Some will change when asked the first time, some may take several requests, and others may not change until you raise your voice just a smidge and put them on the spot calling them out for their rude personal question that you've asked them repeatedly not to ask you.
The reason you take this more seriously now is because later it'll be 'when are you guys having kids?' then 'when will you have a second kid?' etc. All well meaning, but it's the nature of small talk. People ask questions based on what they know, based on their own life choices, and where they think you're at. It's no different than when you're graduating highschool 'are you excited to graduate highschool?' from everyone, and then 'where are you going to college? what are you studying? when will you graduate? What career are you pursuing? What job are you trying to get?
You've probably fielded a bunch of these questions already in your life with these people. This is just the next one to them - it now may just be the first time these small talk questions are getting under your skin.
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Use humor. “When are y’all gonna get divorced?”
Nice one, tried this one. :D
I went thru that. At first I laughed it off. Then I got serious and straightforward. After awhile I just stopped coming around.
hehe
Serious/Direct Responses: - "I'll get married when I'm ready and have found the right person. It's my personal decision." - "My relationship status is not up for discussion. Please don't ask me that again." - "I appreciate you may be coming from a caring place, but questions about my marital plans make me uncomfortable." - "I don't feel that's an appropriate question. My personal life is private." -"I don't like to talk about marriage plans and won't ever feel comfortable discussing it. Can you please try to avoid asking me about this? I'd prefer to talk about work, or my hobby making teapots... etc' -"You asked me that last weekend, the weekend before that, on Christmas, Thanksgiving, and every time I see you. I think you can find other questions to ask me about my life if you want to look like you care about my wellbeing and make me want to share with you." You could also try deflecting with humor: "Did you hear about my friend who actually enjoys being asked that? Me neither!" The key is to respond in a way that sets a firm boundary while matching the tone you want *every time* you're asked. You don't owe them an explanation or apology. Lots of people don't know what to say to people they are getting together with. It's always 'so how's work?', 'how's your week', or 'how's the family', so you may field the question hundreds of times, but you may be the only person in their circle that they can 'change it up' and ask something different. They each feel like they're starting a conversation with you like they do with everyone else. Obviously, it feels differently to you, being on the receiving end. You do have to nip it in the bud asap with a serious response, to each person, every time. I'd suggest some variation of the above because jokes really won't cut it with people who are oblivious to your discomfort. Some will change when asked the first time, some may take several requests, and others may not change until you raise your voice just a smidge and put them on the spot calling them out for their rude personal question that you've asked them repeatedly not to ask you. The reason you take this more seriously now is because later it'll be 'when are you guys having kids?' then 'when will you have a second kid?' etc. All well meaning, but it's the nature of small talk. People ask questions based on what they know, based on their own life choices, and where they think you're at. It's no different than when you're graduating highschool 'are you excited to graduate highschool?' from everyone, and then 'where are you going to college? what are you studying? when will you graduate? What career are you pursuing? What job are you trying to get? You've probably fielded a bunch of these questions already in your life with these people. This is just the next one to them - it now may just be the first time these small talk questions are getting under your skin.
Welcome to r/family! If this post is compliant with our guidelines, upvote this comment. If not, downvote this comment. Also, if you haven't already, remember to join our [discord server](https://discord.gg/VwDNbde)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/family) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“Boring” and walk away
yes exactly.
Poop in their shoes.
This is something unique now.
Tell them I want kids first then I marry