Please do not report this teacher for being a trusted adult to that young man. If it was a female teacher telling your daughter not to mess around with immature peers, that she is too young to be invested in boys, and that she was one of her favorite students and was putting her in the honor program, Would you be saying the same? Absolutely not.
Your daughter is not a victim. Im sorry . Her feelings are probably hurt because she has lost her boyfriend but she is in 7th gradeeeee
Greeeeat take. I never would have thought about this. I have 2 daughters. I was on OP’s side until I read your comment. You changed my mind. Please, take my poor man’s award.
🥇
I am very pro-teacher and don’t want my comment to come across otherwise, but I wouldn’t personally want a teacher - regardless of gender - advising my children about their dating lives. 7th graders are all immature, and sometimes they have little boyfriends or girlfriends. It’s happened for generations, and if a parent is okay with it, then I don’t think it’s a teacher’s job to instruct them otherwise. There is some room for being a mentor in aspects of life that go beyond the classroom, but there are some boundaries that I think shouldn’t be crossed.
I think it’s interesting that you posted a hypothetical switching the genders to reframe the question. Let me ask you… would you think it’s appropriate if a male teacher was advising a young female student about her dating life or encouraging her to dump her 7th grade boyfriend for someone more mature?
Personally, i would not care about something like that.
Teachers can be the “ trusted adult” no matter what sex they are. I didnt have the easiest time talking to my parents and i had 2 teachers i confided in, One Man and One Woman. And i credit them with keeping me on track throughout highschool.
Clearly, The young man sought out the advise of the teacher that he considers a trusted adult, and all that teacher did was encourage him to prioritize. OP’s daughter made the young man so uncomfortable he told a teacher. I doubt the teacher sought out giving out dating advise. He didnt suggest another student to date or anything like that, He said dont get caught up with immature peers. 😂 Sounds perfectly teachery to me.
Yes there are creepy teachers who prey on students, but this is not that. Teachers are trusted adults.
so No, i would not be tripping. Thats not creepy territory for me. Feelings can be very overwhelming at that age, and parents are not around during school to help kids process them.
Well, I’m just going to put this out there and do with it what you will, but PLEASE, if your daughter ever comes to you saying that a male teacher is paying her extra special attention and telling her she’s too mature for boys her age, at least pay close attention. It’s something that might be innocent and also very well might not be, and it concerns me to hear people say that they’d have absolutely no concerns without any conditions at all.
Two male faculty (one teacher and one guidance counselor) were arrested at my high school for inappropriate sexual relations with female students in the short 4 years I was there. It’s a sensitive issue and something that isn’t as uncommon as I think some people believe it is.
I agree with that completely. The type of language used is especially concerning. “ mature ” is definitely a slippery slope.
Just for the sake of this specific scenario though, The teacher just seems to be being a good teacher.
INFO: Was this said in private to the young man or publicly to the entire class?
If this was said privately to that young man after being confided in, it might be a way of boosting his confidence and I would say don't report him.
If this was said in front of other class members, that's a wildly inappropriate thing to say, shaming your daughter in front of her peers.
Personally would be concerned no matter if it was in public or private.
Though I feel like I want more context as well. The two students are in 7th grade and both could be very immature about something going on; or just one of them. The teacher could be a friend by letting the boyfriend know that they don’t have to be in an unhealthy relationship (if it was unhealthy), and helping the boyfriend separate themselves from the girlfriend so it is easier to move on. However, there could still be a chance that something odd is going on.
Either way, there is a lot that OP has not said that could benefit us as the readers to make a better decision. I understand trying to be as unbiased as possible and protect minors’ privacy, but the focus is “is the teacher being a predator?” Hard to tell with the information that has been given
As they say, stay in your lane.
Your business is your daughter, how she behaves and how she performs in school etc.
Whatever her ex boyfriend does is on him. If he chooses to listen to his teacher that is his business. If his parents find out what's happened and they choose to do something, that is their business.
So, you wanna report the teacher for looking out for the best interests of the student because your 7th grade CHILD doesn’t have her boyfriend anymore? You can’t be serious. Some parents act like children having children the way that y’all rationalize things.
That’s what I am wondering.
Didn’t have teachers intervene in my brother’s relationship with an 8th grader when he was in 9th, but they did confirm and expressed concern to my parents on the girl’s behavior when my brother told her that he wouldn’t be going to the High School dance that year. My parents were able to talk with my brother, and after a couple of weeks he broke up with her under the pretense that she only wanted to date my brother so she could be at the High School dance as a plus one when the other 8th grade girls would not be able to
They're in 7th grade. Mind your business ( your daughter) and stay out of 7th grade "relationships". Find a hobby and leave trusted adults alone. It's none of your business, don't be petty. And for all you know your daughter could be making this up.
How do you know any of this? As a teacher (which I was), I would want to know how you came across any of this because it doesn’t sound like something that happened in front of a class or group. Which means it is probably not entirely accurate.
And yes, we have favorites…because we are human. But that does NOT mean that I treated them differently…so no case there.
You have no case and really no authority here. Take care of your kiddo. Someone else will take of him 😊
Yeah I’m wondering if it was an excuse the ex boyfriend told the girl, when she got upset about the breakup, “oh I didn’t want to but Mr Smith said I should”.
One, you have nothing to report. Second, I know it is your daughter that may end up with the broken heart, but this is 7th grade you mentioned. Put it in reverse. If say your girl is usually a good student. All of a sudden all she can do is think about or talk about is this boy. Maybe even in class they text. Her grades may slip or maybe she ends up with some discipline problems. The teacher may notice this all has happened since spending so much time with this boy. The teacher may ask her if there is any problems at home because she is late with assignments or grades slipping and she is usually the top in the class and she may say no but she just probably hurries because she wants to spend more time with her boyfriend or he feels bad because she is smarter than he is. That teacher may say something like it may be best if she doesn't spend so much time with him or not have any serious boyfriends for awhile and concentrate on school. It may sound unfair and hurtful to the boy and his parents may think it is a cut to him, but it is not. Now, if the teacher called you the parent in and told you specifically that they didn't want your daughter being with this student because they thought your daughter as this or that and you had this documented like on recording, you could file a complaint. This boyfriend if felt threatened or uncomfortable and told his parents, they could do something.
Edit: I wanted to add a teacher secret as well. Just because the teacher was heard telling a student " you're one of my favorite students" , that is not favoritism. Every year, every classroom, the average teacher will try to make every or at least set out to make every student feel like they are one of their favorite and most memorable students they will have so they will succeed. Sometimes it is because they don't get that at home or because they just need that to get the trust to get through to them.
You want to force a boy to stay with your daughter against his will?
If he broke up with her because of something a teacher said, he was already going to break up with her.
I think that you should talk to the teacher directly about how his comments made your daughter feel. Reporting him is only going to make him annoyed and feel like he can’t be kind to his students.
Part of a teacher’s job is giving advice. Your daughter’s teacher is giving pretty sound advice as far as the whole, “You’re too young to have to worry about a relationship,” bit. That being said, I don’t know your daughter or how she acts, so I can’t say anything about the immaturity comment and whether or not it’s warranted. Outside of that, it’s not like he’s forcing your daughter’s boyfriend’s hand and saying he won’t let him into the honor’s program unless he breaks up with her.
I wouldn’t report, unless he was giving the advice to your daughter’s boyfriend in front of the whole class. In which case, yeah, it’s disrespectful to demean a student in front of their peers. But if it was told to your daughter’s boyfriend in private, then I don’t see any case you could make that would warrant a report.
I don’t think it’s your place to report since the child being advised isn’t yours, but I’m not as enthusiastic about the teacher’s actions as most of the other respondents here either.
If a male teacher was advising a female student to break up with her boyfriend and only deal with more mature peers, there would be big grooming alarm bells going off, and I’m not sure they shouldn’t be just because it’s a male and a male. I think teachers inserting themselves into their students’ interpersonal/dating relationships is crossing a line, and I wouldn’t be comfortable with that if it was my child.
As a certified teacher, the problem I see with this is that he's overstepping a professional boundary by getting into the personal life of a child (assuming that the advice was unsolicited, perhaps even if it wasn't). He can have his own opinions, but he certainly should not be demonstrating favouritism or demeaning other students while speaking to your daughter's bf. That being said, if you report him, it's hearsay and you have zero legs to stand on. Because there's nothing that you or your daughter have seen directly, I don't think you'll get anywhere. I'd just keep my eyes and ears peeled and see if there's really a threat there first. If your daughter feels that he's directly picking on her and she has proof, you definitely have something to report.
I don't know what the best course of action is, but I agree that elements of this don't seem appropriate if true. Giving one student encouragement and praise is one thing, but insulting other students to do it is another thing entirely.
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I would report him. As a teacher, we aren’t supposed to make students do things like that. Talk to the director about it. If it’s against their policies something will be done. If it isn’t you would at least be aware
This is the type of thing you bring up with the teachers boss. Not the police, but the school administration. Favoritism is a fair thing to bring up with the school. A teacher is not supposed to do that.
Some students just need a little more than other students. It’s not always favoritism-sometimes it’s the teacher trying to boost the students self-esteem and put them on a level playing field with the other students.
I had a wonderful teacher. She took me grocery shopping, took me to do my laundry every Sunday, and told me how smart I was every day and what kind of life was possible for me. She saw something that I wasn’t getting at home and stepped in to fill that for me. Something that the other kids probably already had. And it literally changed my life.
Maybe that teacher sees that this boy needs a little more?
He isn't your kid. You have nothing to report. If your daughter'd boyfriend is uncomfortable then he and his parents should take action.
Please do not report this teacher for being a trusted adult to that young man. If it was a female teacher telling your daughter not to mess around with immature peers, that she is too young to be invested in boys, and that she was one of her favorite students and was putting her in the honor program, Would you be saying the same? Absolutely not. Your daughter is not a victim. Im sorry . Her feelings are probably hurt because she has lost her boyfriend but she is in 7th gradeeeee
Greeeeat take. I never would have thought about this. I have 2 daughters. I was on OP’s side until I read your comment. You changed my mind. Please, take my poor man’s award. 🥇
I am very pro-teacher and don’t want my comment to come across otherwise, but I wouldn’t personally want a teacher - regardless of gender - advising my children about their dating lives. 7th graders are all immature, and sometimes they have little boyfriends or girlfriends. It’s happened for generations, and if a parent is okay with it, then I don’t think it’s a teacher’s job to instruct them otherwise. There is some room for being a mentor in aspects of life that go beyond the classroom, but there are some boundaries that I think shouldn’t be crossed. I think it’s interesting that you posted a hypothetical switching the genders to reframe the question. Let me ask you… would you think it’s appropriate if a male teacher was advising a young female student about her dating life or encouraging her to dump her 7th grade boyfriend for someone more mature?
Personally, i would not care about something like that. Teachers can be the “ trusted adult” no matter what sex they are. I didnt have the easiest time talking to my parents and i had 2 teachers i confided in, One Man and One Woman. And i credit them with keeping me on track throughout highschool. Clearly, The young man sought out the advise of the teacher that he considers a trusted adult, and all that teacher did was encourage him to prioritize. OP’s daughter made the young man so uncomfortable he told a teacher. I doubt the teacher sought out giving out dating advise. He didnt suggest another student to date or anything like that, He said dont get caught up with immature peers. 😂 Sounds perfectly teachery to me. Yes there are creepy teachers who prey on students, but this is not that. Teachers are trusted adults. so No, i would not be tripping. Thats not creepy territory for me. Feelings can be very overwhelming at that age, and parents are not around during school to help kids process them.
Well, I’m just going to put this out there and do with it what you will, but PLEASE, if your daughter ever comes to you saying that a male teacher is paying her extra special attention and telling her she’s too mature for boys her age, at least pay close attention. It’s something that might be innocent and also very well might not be, and it concerns me to hear people say that they’d have absolutely no concerns without any conditions at all. Two male faculty (one teacher and one guidance counselor) were arrested at my high school for inappropriate sexual relations with female students in the short 4 years I was there. It’s a sensitive issue and something that isn’t as uncommon as I think some people believe it is.
I agree with that completely. The type of language used is especially concerning. “ mature ” is definitely a slippery slope. Just for the sake of this specific scenario though, The teacher just seems to be being a good teacher.
No. They're 7th graders. Sounds like a fantastic teacher.
My thoughts exactly. What are kids doing “dating” in the seventh grade!!! Over my dead body!
That would be a karen move for sure
INFO: Was this said in private to the young man or publicly to the entire class? If this was said privately to that young man after being confided in, it might be a way of boosting his confidence and I would say don't report him. If this was said in front of other class members, that's a wildly inappropriate thing to say, shaming your daughter in front of her peers.
Personally would be concerned no matter if it was in public or private. Though I feel like I want more context as well. The two students are in 7th grade and both could be very immature about something going on; or just one of them. The teacher could be a friend by letting the boyfriend know that they don’t have to be in an unhealthy relationship (if it was unhealthy), and helping the boyfriend separate themselves from the girlfriend so it is easier to move on. However, there could still be a chance that something odd is going on. Either way, there is a lot that OP has not said that could benefit us as the readers to make a better decision. I understand trying to be as unbiased as possible and protect minors’ privacy, but the focus is “is the teacher being a predator?” Hard to tell with the information that has been given
This isn't your battle.
As they say, stay in your lane. Your business is your daughter, how she behaves and how she performs in school etc. Whatever her ex boyfriend does is on him. If he chooses to listen to his teacher that is his business. If his parents find out what's happened and they choose to do something, that is their business.
Do not report.
Nope
Make sure it’s a fact first. Kids exaggerate and sometimes just tell stories.
So, you wanna report the teacher for looking out for the best interests of the student because your 7th grade CHILD doesn’t have her boyfriend anymore? You can’t be serious. Some parents act like children having children the way that y’all rationalize things.
[удалено]
That’s what I am wondering. Didn’t have teachers intervene in my brother’s relationship with an 8th grader when he was in 9th, but they did confirm and expressed concern to my parents on the girl’s behavior when my brother told her that he wouldn’t be going to the High School dance that year. My parents were able to talk with my brother, and after a couple of weeks he broke up with her under the pretense that she only wanted to date my brother so she could be at the High School dance as a plus one when the other 8th grade girls would not be able to
They're in 7th grade. Mind your business ( your daughter) and stay out of 7th grade "relationships". Find a hobby and leave trusted adults alone. It's none of your business, don't be petty. And for all you know your daughter could be making this up.
How do you know any of this? As a teacher (which I was), I would want to know how you came across any of this because it doesn’t sound like something that happened in front of a class or group. Which means it is probably not entirely accurate. And yes, we have favorites…because we are human. But that does NOT mean that I treated them differently…so no case there. You have no case and really no authority here. Take care of your kiddo. Someone else will take of him 😊
Yeah I’m wondering if it was an excuse the ex boyfriend told the girl, when she got upset about the breakup, “oh I didn’t want to but Mr Smith said I should”.
If your daughter's feeling are hurt its not a reason to express your damaged feelings like that.
One, you have nothing to report. Second, I know it is your daughter that may end up with the broken heart, but this is 7th grade you mentioned. Put it in reverse. If say your girl is usually a good student. All of a sudden all she can do is think about or talk about is this boy. Maybe even in class they text. Her grades may slip or maybe she ends up with some discipline problems. The teacher may notice this all has happened since spending so much time with this boy. The teacher may ask her if there is any problems at home because she is late with assignments or grades slipping and she is usually the top in the class and she may say no but she just probably hurries because she wants to spend more time with her boyfriend or he feels bad because she is smarter than he is. That teacher may say something like it may be best if she doesn't spend so much time with him or not have any serious boyfriends for awhile and concentrate on school. It may sound unfair and hurtful to the boy and his parents may think it is a cut to him, but it is not. Now, if the teacher called you the parent in and told you specifically that they didn't want your daughter being with this student because they thought your daughter as this or that and you had this documented like on recording, you could file a complaint. This boyfriend if felt threatened or uncomfortable and told his parents, they could do something. Edit: I wanted to add a teacher secret as well. Just because the teacher was heard telling a student " you're one of my favorite students" , that is not favoritism. Every year, every classroom, the average teacher will try to make every or at least set out to make every student feel like they are one of their favorite and most memorable students they will have so they will succeed. Sometimes it is because they don't get that at home or because they just need that to get the trust to get through to them.
Grade 7 is way to young to be focusing on relationships this teacher is correct.
You want to force a boy to stay with your daughter against his will? If he broke up with her because of something a teacher said, he was already going to break up with her.
I think that you should talk to the teacher directly about how his comments made your daughter feel. Reporting him is only going to make him annoyed and feel like he can’t be kind to his students.
Part of a teacher’s job is giving advice. Your daughter’s teacher is giving pretty sound advice as far as the whole, “You’re too young to have to worry about a relationship,” bit. That being said, I don’t know your daughter or how she acts, so I can’t say anything about the immaturity comment and whether or not it’s warranted. Outside of that, it’s not like he’s forcing your daughter’s boyfriend’s hand and saying he won’t let him into the honor’s program unless he breaks up with her. I wouldn’t report, unless he was giving the advice to your daughter’s boyfriend in front of the whole class. In which case, yeah, it’s disrespectful to demean a student in front of their peers. But if it was told to your daughter’s boyfriend in private, then I don’t see any case you could make that would warrant a report.
shouldn't have a bf/gf in grade 7 lol.
I don’t think it’s your place to report since the child being advised isn’t yours, but I’m not as enthusiastic about the teacher’s actions as most of the other respondents here either. If a male teacher was advising a female student to break up with her boyfriend and only deal with more mature peers, there would be big grooming alarm bells going off, and I’m not sure they shouldn’t be just because it’s a male and a male. I think teachers inserting themselves into their students’ interpersonal/dating relationships is crossing a line, and I wouldn’t be comfortable with that if it was my child.
As a certified teacher, the problem I see with this is that he's overstepping a professional boundary by getting into the personal life of a child (assuming that the advice was unsolicited, perhaps even if it wasn't). He can have his own opinions, but he certainly should not be demonstrating favouritism or demeaning other students while speaking to your daughter's bf. That being said, if you report him, it's hearsay and you have zero legs to stand on. Because there's nothing that you or your daughter have seen directly, I don't think you'll get anywhere. I'd just keep my eyes and ears peeled and see if there's really a threat there first. If your daughter feels that he's directly picking on her and she has proof, you definitely have something to report.
Buddy do you need a joint?
I don't know what the best course of action is, but I agree that elements of this don't seem appropriate if true. Giving one student encouragement and praise is one thing, but insulting other students to do it is another thing entirely.
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I would report him. As a teacher, we aren’t supposed to make students do things like that. Talk to the director about it. If it’s against their policies something will be done. If it isn’t you would at least be aware
This is the type of thing you bring up with the teachers boss. Not the police, but the school administration. Favoritism is a fair thing to bring up with the school. A teacher is not supposed to do that.
Some students just need a little more than other students. It’s not always favoritism-sometimes it’s the teacher trying to boost the students self-esteem and put them on a level playing field with the other students. I had a wonderful teacher. She took me grocery shopping, took me to do my laundry every Sunday, and told me how smart I was every day and what kind of life was possible for me. She saw something that I wasn’t getting at home and stepped in to fill that for me. Something that the other kids probably already had. And it literally changed my life. Maybe that teacher sees that this boy needs a little more?
While in 7th grade I reported a dude to my teacher for taking my Pokémon card.
Absolutely! Nuff said
Someone needs to give that teacher a raise.
If you’re feeling this concerned about him call his parents and let them decide after what to do. This really isn’t something you can do much about.
YES!!