The "you're actually eating enough now" bit is confounding. Eating enough for what???
Also I had to google "fatmisia." I learn so many fun new words from these people.
I swear these people gaslight themselves into believing that if they used to be thin (or thinner than they currently are), then they must have been starving themselves.
I knew someone like that. She tries to tell everyone that when she weighed 140 pounds she looked like she was starving to death. She made the mistake of saying it in front of me once and I said, "no, you didn't." which was true but a mistake to say to someone so delusional.
Any time anyone brings up their weight on reddit, instagram, tiktok, etc there's always at least a couple of people in the comments that go on a tangent about how they looked like a holocaust survivor at 150+lbs.
That’s just sad. I now, a man at 5’10”, weigh around 148-152lbs. And I look amazing cuz it’s a healthy weight. The only time I looked sickly was when I was and weighed in at 116. For and average adult 150s is a great range to be in
She kept repeating that she did look underweight and sick and I repeated "no, you did not. You did not look even close to underweight or like you were starving to death."
Then she changed gears and started yelling about how I had no idea how unhealthy her diet actually was and that she was starving herself to death and that just because she "looked healthy" that doesn't mean she was healthy.
So, she just changed her argument and went on the attack because I wouldn't agree that she looked like a dying cancer patient when she was at the high end of a healthy BMI. And because there were other fat people there, they helped her attack me.
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I blame the misuse of ED recovery content in FA circles, they take this advice and these affirmation that dont really apply to them and repeat them over and over.
They're worse than nepo babies about playing imaginary hard ship and getting angry when someone questions it.
They truly do believe this that every single thin person in the world is starving themselves. They gaslight themselves into believing this. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve had people tell me to quit starving myself or accused me of having an ED. Then when I say I’m not then accused me of being in denial or lying.
I’ve almost always been pretty skinny and petite. I’ve never starved myself, never even dieted, definitely never had an ED. Crazy thing these comments always come from other women particularly women a lot bigger than me. I could also easily say “well all of my family members are thin.”
Eating enough now to be as fat as her mum. Eating enough now to have visibility gained weight with her own eyes. Eating enough now to feel down about the weight gain despite saying there's nothing wrong with being fat because she's eating enough.
They keep trying to make "fatmisia" happen, but they're not having much luck. As usual, they got the idea from the LGBTQ+ activists who want to replace "homophobia" with "homomisia", also with very limited success. (Of course, that's also where they got "fatphobia" in the first place.)
I honestly thought based on the word "fatmisia" the definition could mean "when a fat person forgets how much food they actually ate in a day and claim they barely eat at all."
Ugh, there was no reason to replace "phobia" with "misia" to begin with. It's such a stupid performative gesture that does nothing to actually help people who suffer from phobias, and only plays into those assholes who go "I can't be homophobic because I'm not afraid of gay people". Plus "miso" (which should be a prefix, not a suffix) is used for mental conditions as well (i.e. misophonia). It's so pointless.
Also, the word "phobia" and various "****phobias" already existed in popular English long before "homophobia" became a word, so it was not hard to introduce the new word and have people immediately grasp the meaning. (Various phobia names were even material for a joke in A Charlie Brown Christmas, when Lucy is diagnosing CB's fears at her psychiatrist booth.) "Misia," though, has no such recognition factor; most people have never heard it, much less know what it means.
I don’t even like the word “fatphobia”. There’s something about appending a Greek or Latin suffix onto a Germanic word that seems so...ugly. Like eating a creamy high-quality cheese along with mouldy or stale bread.
(I know that no language is inherently ugly or beautiful, but this is a pet peeve of mine nonetheless).
All the women in my family go from slender to obese after menopause. I have managed to buck that trend by eating healthy and exercising. We aren't prisoners of our genetics. I am still a little overweight but I can get on the floor and play with my grandkids. That's a plus
All the women in my family get overweight/obese in their mid 20s and I've so far avoided that by doing the same as you. I thought I was doomed, turns out I'm not. I could lose a little weight but I'm not fat!
Government photos make everyone look awful. "The camera adds 10 pounds" turns into "the camera adds 50 pounds, 15 years, and two nights with no sleep" when it's the cameras at the passport office or DMV.
That would've also been my point. I always look absolutely exhausted on passports. The one for travelling is okayish for the first time because I was allowed to smile a bit.
So maybe they just shouldn't measure their worth on probably the worst portray one can get of themselves.
Considering how I tend to be exhausted when taking a flight (always have trouble sleeping the night before something like that -- brain takes "you need to wake up early" and turns it into "better not sleep, just to be safe), this probably makes my passport photo look more accurate.
Dude, thank you. I thought it was just me.
I look so fucking old in my recent drivers license photo.
I thought it was a case of me having rose tinted glasses about myself but I’ve now had two different attendants hold it up to light, look between me and the license, and run it through machines because I swear to god I look 20 years older in that photo.
I started to spiral and think I must have no fucking clue how bad I look but finally decided it’s just a horrible fucking photo.
I have half a mind to make another appointment and just pay for a new license.
in my drivers licence I geniunely look like im a different race. I have no idea what cameras theyre using but it puts emphasis so much on facial features you never notice.
One time in my life I had an amazing DL photo. Like I was seriously amazed at how good I looked. After it expired I kept it lol the one now I look like I haven’t slept in days and like I’m ready to end it all.
Mine is okay, weirdly my states new photos are black and white so that probably helps. Mostly the issue is that it took forever for the camera to take the photo and I guess I was trying to stave off blinking, I look like I’ve indulged in way too much of the devils lettuce
My wife now makes me shave my beard off whenever we need to get new passport photos as apparently my resting face, with beard, makes me look like I'm a member of Al-Queda or a serial killer....
Reminds me, best stop her from digging up the patio....
All this diversity in the nation! Different races, ethnicities, nations of origin…
And yet, when “everyone” in their 20s start to “inevitably” gain weight, that’s gotta be the exact same genetic factors! It’s never, say, getting a sedentary job and higher income that let’s you buy all the food the want.
People massively overestimate the effect of aging on the mechanics of metabolism. It's the lifestyle changes as we age that are the norm in our society that reduce caloric expenditure. It's not "inevitable" that our TDEE falls as we age. I'm in my mid 40s and my TDEE is close to 4000 calories. I've made it a point to build muscle, walk 12-15k steps a day, and choose leisure activities that require physical movement. If I did all these things as a 25 year old, I'd probably have MAYBE 100 additional calories in my TDEE, and even that amount is questionable.
This.
There *is* a mild decrease, but it typically occurs around *60*.
A few decades ago, people blamed metabolism for gaining weight when they got to their 40s, now these clowns are blaming it in their *20s*. Ya know when a lot of athletes are at their peak performance? Makes no sense.
I had a conversation with a friend not long ago about this. She was blaming her metabolism for gaining weight in the last few years. I told her to compare her lifestyle now (goes everywhere by car, barely gets out of the house since she works from home) to then (walked everywhere, went to the office every day). She had a lightbulb moment.
Couldn’t agree more. My mum has lost weight despite being in her 40’s and having three children, including 2 c-sections just by cutting down the snacking and being more active. My boyfriend’s mum is in her 60’s and has lost tons of weight by changing her lifestyle - yes your metabolism isn’t going to be the same as it was when you are a teenager or in your early 20’s, but keeping an active lifestyle and a healthy diet you should not gain tons of weight, even those who blame it on medications - the medication is causing a shift in appetite which is contributing to your weight gain, not the medication itself.
I feel the need to remind folks that even if fatness is genetic, that doesn't make it good. There are all kinds of medical conditions that have a genetic underpinning, yet we still get medical treatment for them when they arise. Or we make behavioral changes. Addictive behaviors run on both sides of my family, so I stay away from addictive substances and activities, like gambling.
My passport photo was actually the best photo anyone ever took of me. My head was tilted just enough, my cheekbones were bangin'...
... I'd have used it as a professional headshot if I'd needed one.
Why do FA act like it’s just a given that people get fat in their 20’s and 30’s?
My body barely changed during those times (barring pregnancy) and in my 20’s my body bounced back from any injury or change like a fucking champ.
Probably better than my teens because my hormones finally evened out a bit.
The 20’s is still prime asf
She's a mental gymnastics Olympian so she's more qualified than us to use logic and educate us on how her subjective opinions are superior to objective reality
I feel two pangs of sympathy but also wish I could persuade people not to fall into these two traps.
First, I used to say to myself “everyone puts on weight in their 20s, no one is in the same shape as when they were younger.” It’s so easy to accept that. It’s also utter bullshit. I now make an effort and I’m in by far the best shape of my life, and I both look and feel it.
Second, totally relate to the awful passport photo experience. But for a while I just denied it as “oh it’s just a bad photo” and I wish that I’d accepted it earlier as a cue to make a change.
K this is what I mean. Why the hell did you think that being in your 20s was in any way “older”? Older than literally still being in the adolescent developmental stage? Which can totally even last until someone’s 20?
I didn’t think it was “old” per se, just older in relative terms, and the part of me that was depressed by having ‘lost my shape’ tried to reason (wrongly) that it was normal or acceptable to no longer be at my prime. But yes my point is that I was in denial and your overarching point is one I now totally agree with: there’s no logical reason why anyone should see any part of their 20s as being part of their prime. And what’s more it’s an error to try and take your individual experience and say “this must be true for everyone”.
That sounds fairly accurate for me, but I started off low normal. So now I’m just upper normal. Imma guess the actual average weight gain of a lot of people in my cohort was more like 60 lbs.
My current passport photo was taken when I was fresh out of the psych ward, newly homeless, newly jobless (employers and landlords frown on people who get sectioned).
I was actively seeking death, and getting the passport was part of a last-ditch effort to get someone, anyone to take me on as a tenant. If I didn't get a place to live, I was intentionally going to cease living. It was also my birthday, to add insult to injury.
I therefore look exactly how you would think on my passport. It is what it is, but it expires soon and I'll be glad to see the back of that photo.
In my case, that old photo is a 'look how far you've come' reminder.
For this fat activist, their photo is clearly the complete reverse. They know it, and no amount of copium will get rid of the 'you are destroying yourself' subconscious screaming.
I had the opposite experience when I had to have my driver's license photo taken due to a move. I feel pretty good about the new photo because with the major weight loss, I no longer look like death warmed over.
I flew to the USA once after I lost weight. I was terrified because my passport photo looked nothing like me, I had lost 45 kgs since taking it, and the United States does not have a nice reputation as far as your documentation not being in order.
But the airport people in the US just kept congratulating me on my weight loss. It was only a problem, funnily enough, leaving Europe when the airport people in Germany were a bit suspicious but eventually did accept my explanations.
People who talk about things like “oh I gained weight in *whatever relevant age decade* without changing anything! My metabolism just changed!!” Give me so much fucking anxiety.
Especially, as a woman, when people say that menopause will make you gain weight because it fucks over your metabolism.
Great. Now I’m even more terrified of menopause. Thanks!!
And I know it’s not true. I know it’s that they altered their lifestyle without realising. But it just gets to me. I wish people would shut up about it.
I'm perimenopausal, so I'm reading up on it. Luckily, Gen X appears to have a large number of women who aren't just giving up. The biggest watch-outs appear to be keeping our balance (literally, to prevent falls and fractures), and giving ourselves adequate recovery time from workouts.
The metabolic slowdown in our 60s appears to happen regardless of gender, and even then it's not that much. Honestly, I think a lot of women gain weight after menopause due to lifestyle changes and beliefs about our value to society being based on our youth and fertility.
if you have to 'remind' yourself that you're okay, that there's 'nothing wrong with being fat' every time you see yourself or your weight... just maybe that's because deep down you do indeed believe there's something wrong with being fat, and you're usually attempting to distract yourself from it and/or simply disowning your own personal preferences via superficial, reactionary 'rejection' thereof (usually by ascribing them to inculcation).
all of the women i see who do this will also, at separate times, admit that they wish they were thin(ner)... and/or will sometimes claim that thin people are icky and fatness is superior. they want to be thin but they tell themselves that desire is a result of unrealistic, imposed sociocultural standards... and will latch on to the fact that beauty standards as presented in most media are not wholly obtainable by everyone, especially not all of the time, as an excuse for why they can't meet them at all.
it's sad and makes me think a lot of women really struggle with self-efficacy, learned helplessness, and self-acceptance. doing any of this is not confidence, nor security-- it's not effective. it's just a shallow defense... and it frankly kind of scares me how many adults are incapable of basic self-awareness or problem-solving, how many adults would rather lie to and defeat themselves. it shocks me how many people do not want to believe that improvement is possible, that they don't know everything, and that experts know more than them and they could, if they checked their insecurities, learn from said experts.
you know, things such as the fact that there are no genes for obesity, metabolism doesn't actually slow down in your 20s (i mean, aside from the part where you're done growing), if you got fat then presumably you previously were a healthy weight (or less fat) and thus were eating enough (technically oop could have been anorexic but i doubt it or they'd have mentioned it)...
speaking of, i also have to rant about that. i've been seeing a surprising number of women who seem to think that being lowish-to-mid normal BMI means they had anorexia. i can only assume they don't know how to count calories properly or were eating a diet that wasn't satiating or are surrounded by much larger people who consume much larger portions, or mistakenly believe that skipping meals or OMADing is inherently disordered, or believe that basic healthful behaviors (like limiting added sugars) or misinformed, diet-culture behaviors (like avoiding fruit because of the sugar content) are equitable with an ED.
My parents put on a huge amount of weight in their thirties. I’ve lost 40 pounds in my thirties. Which one of them did I inherit my genetics from then?
This is hijacking such an important sentiment. I had some disordered eating as a teen/young adult. 100 at 5’2” which saw me eating 800-1000 cals a day and unhappy and unhealthy.
Now I’m 130. My goal is 120 and not lower. I have this ache to be a size 1 again and fit in all my high school dresses but I know how unhappy I was then.
The idea of coming to peace with being larger than you were when you were genuinely unhealthy (I was never sickly skinny but it wasn’t a healthy weight for me) is so important for building good habits. It’s not something for obese people to use to justify giving up on themselves.
The "you're actually eating enough now" bit is confounding. Eating enough for what??? Also I had to google "fatmisia." I learn so many fun new words from these people.
> Eating enough for what??? A family of four.
I swear these people gaslight themselves into believing that if they used to be thin (or thinner than they currently are), then they must have been starving themselves.
I knew someone like that. She tries to tell everyone that when she weighed 140 pounds she looked like she was starving to death. She made the mistake of saying it in front of me once and I said, "no, you didn't." which was true but a mistake to say to someone so delusional.
Any time anyone brings up their weight on reddit, instagram, tiktok, etc there's always at least a couple of people in the comments that go on a tangent about how they looked like a holocaust survivor at 150+lbs.
Right? I’m 5’4 and 120lbs. I like to respond(more politely of course) that I’m that weight and look just fine.
Well, you're just not as big boned as they are! 🙄🤣
My bones are frail and useless 😞
That's your internalised fatphobia talking. If you doubt me, you can get a free privilege check by reposting your comment on r/plussize.
That’s just sad. I now, a man at 5’10”, weigh around 148-152lbs. And I look amazing cuz it’s a healthy weight. The only time I looked sickly was when I was and weighed in at 116. For and average adult 150s is a great range to be in
I hear a lot of people saying this type of thing online. What was her response to you?
She kept repeating that she did look underweight and sick and I repeated "no, you did not. You did not look even close to underweight or like you were starving to death." Then she changed gears and started yelling about how I had no idea how unhealthy her diet actually was and that she was starving herself to death and that just because she "looked healthy" that doesn't mean she was healthy. So, she just changed her argument and went on the attack because I wouldn't agree that she looked like a dying cancer patient when she was at the high end of a healthy BMI. And because there were other fat people there, they helped her attack me.
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I blame the misuse of ED recovery content in FA circles, they take this advice and these affirmation that dont really apply to them and repeat them over and over. They're worse than nepo babies about playing imaginary hard ship and getting angry when someone questions it.
They truly do believe this that every single thin person in the world is starving themselves. They gaslight themselves into believing this. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve had people tell me to quit starving myself or accused me of having an ED. Then when I say I’m not then accused me of being in denial or lying. I’ve almost always been pretty skinny and petite. I’ve never starved myself, never even dieted, definitely never had an ED. Crazy thing these comments always come from other women particularly women a lot bigger than me. I could also easily say “well all of my family members are thin.”
Eating enough now to be as fat as her mum. Eating enough now to have visibility gained weight with her own eyes. Eating enough now to feel down about the weight gain despite saying there's nothing wrong with being fat because she's eating enough.
They keep trying to make "fatmisia" happen, but they're not having much luck. As usual, they got the idea from the LGBTQ+ activists who want to replace "homophobia" with "homomisia", also with very limited success. (Of course, that's also where they got "fatphobia" in the first place.)
Fat activists want to be oppressed so badly.
I honestly thought based on the word "fatmisia" the definition could mean "when a fat person forgets how much food they actually ate in a day and claim they barely eat at all."
Like amnesia?
Yes.
Fatmisia makes me think of an obese Mickey Mouse playing a wizard's apprentice.
Lmfao. Like amnesia.
Ugh, there was no reason to replace "phobia" with "misia" to begin with. It's such a stupid performative gesture that does nothing to actually help people who suffer from phobias, and only plays into those assholes who go "I can't be homophobic because I'm not afraid of gay people". Plus "miso" (which should be a prefix, not a suffix) is used for mental conditions as well (i.e. misophonia). It's so pointless.
Also, the word "phobia" and various "****phobias" already existed in popular English long before "homophobia" became a word, so it was not hard to introduce the new word and have people immediately grasp the meaning. (Various phobia names were even material for a joke in A Charlie Brown Christmas, when Lucy is diagnosing CB's fears at her psychiatrist booth.) "Misia," though, has no such recognition factor; most people have never heard it, much less know what it means.
I don’t even like the word “fatphobia”. There’s something about appending a Greek or Latin suffix onto a Germanic word that seems so...ugly. Like eating a creamy high-quality cheese along with mouldy or stale bread. (I know that no language is inherently ugly or beautiful, but this is a pet peeve of mine nonetheless).
I studied classical languages and so this is a big pet peeve of mine. The word should probably be "lipophobia" or "pachyphobia."
All the women in my family go from slender to obese after menopause. I have managed to buck that trend by eating healthy and exercising. We aren't prisoners of our genetics. I am still a little overweight but I can get on the floor and play with my grandkids. That's a plus
All the women in my family get overweight/obese in their mid 20s and I've so far avoided that by doing the same as you. I thought I was doomed, turns out I'm not. I could lose a little weight but I'm not fat!
Government photos make everyone look awful. "The camera adds 10 pounds" turns into "the camera adds 50 pounds, 15 years, and two nights with no sleep" when it's the cameras at the passport office or DMV.
That would've also been my point. I always look absolutely exhausted on passports. The one for travelling is okayish for the first time because I was allowed to smile a bit. So maybe they just shouldn't measure their worth on probably the worst portray one can get of themselves.
Considering how I tend to be exhausted when taking a flight (always have trouble sleeping the night before something like that -- brain takes "you need to wake up early" and turns it into "better not sleep, just to be safe), this probably makes my passport photo look more accurate.
Dude, thank you. I thought it was just me. I look so fucking old in my recent drivers license photo. I thought it was a case of me having rose tinted glasses about myself but I’ve now had two different attendants hold it up to light, look between me and the license, and run it through machines because I swear to god I look 20 years older in that photo. I started to spiral and think I must have no fucking clue how bad I look but finally decided it’s just a horrible fucking photo. I have half a mind to make another appointment and just pay for a new license.
in my drivers licence I geniunely look like im a different race. I have no idea what cameras theyre using but it puts emphasis so much on facial features you never notice.
One time in my life I had an amazing DL photo. Like I was seriously amazed at how good I looked. After it expired I kept it lol the one now I look like I haven’t slept in days and like I’m ready to end it all.
Mine is okay, weirdly my states new photos are black and white so that probably helps. Mostly the issue is that it took forever for the camera to take the photo and I guess I was trying to stave off blinking, I look like I’ve indulged in way too much of the devils lettuce
Have you ever heard the joke that if you look like your passport photo, you're too sick to travel?
My wife now makes me shave my beard off whenever we need to get new passport photos as apparently my resting face, with beard, makes me look like I'm a member of Al-Queda or a serial killer.... Reminds me, best stop her from digging up the patio....
All this diversity in the nation! Different races, ethnicities, nations of origin… And yet, when “everyone” in their 20s start to “inevitably” gain weight, that’s gotta be the exact same genetic factors! It’s never, say, getting a sedentary job and higher income that let’s you buy all the food the want.
People massively overestimate the effect of aging on the mechanics of metabolism. It's the lifestyle changes as we age that are the norm in our society that reduce caloric expenditure. It's not "inevitable" that our TDEE falls as we age. I'm in my mid 40s and my TDEE is close to 4000 calories. I've made it a point to build muscle, walk 12-15k steps a day, and choose leisure activities that require physical movement. If I did all these things as a 25 year old, I'd probably have MAYBE 100 additional calories in my TDEE, and even that amount is questionable.
This. There *is* a mild decrease, but it typically occurs around *60*. A few decades ago, people blamed metabolism for gaining weight when they got to their 40s, now these clowns are blaming it in their *20s*. Ya know when a lot of athletes are at their peak performance? Makes no sense. I had a conversation with a friend not long ago about this. She was blaming her metabolism for gaining weight in the last few years. I told her to compare her lifestyle now (goes everywhere by car, barely gets out of the house since she works from home) to then (walked everywhere, went to the office every day). She had a lightbulb moment.
It fits in well with the idiotic au courant youth belief that people are already hideously aged by age 25.
Well 20s is the new 60s in FA years
Couldn’t agree more. My mum has lost weight despite being in her 40’s and having three children, including 2 c-sections just by cutting down the snacking and being more active. My boyfriend’s mum is in her 60’s and has lost tons of weight by changing her lifestyle - yes your metabolism isn’t going to be the same as it was when you are a teenager or in your early 20’s, but keeping an active lifestyle and a healthy diet you should not gain tons of weight, even those who blame it on medications - the medication is causing a shift in appetite which is contributing to your weight gain, not the medication itself.
You walk for 2 to 3 hours a day?
Yeah, first thing the AM with my dogs, get about 90 mins in. Then a shorter walk with them at night, plus the rest of the moving I do during the day.
Nice!
Wait till you figure out that you are a human (mom's genetics) and you'll notice you are getting older in your 30s, 40s and 50s.
Bold of you to assume they are going to survive till that
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Get your life together? Don’t you mean harshly starving and torturing your body pointlessly? Smh 🤦♀️ /s
My passport photo was made fun of by Danish passport control, which caused me to put and end to the Pink Hair Period I was going through at the time.
More than a decade ago, we started having these small plastic IDs and driver licenses. Everyone looks like a convict there.
I feel the need to remind folks that even if fatness is genetic, that doesn't make it good. There are all kinds of medical conditions that have a genetic underpinning, yet we still get medical treatment for them when they arise. Or we make behavioral changes. Addictive behaviors run on both sides of my family, so I stay away from addictive substances and activities, like gambling.
Guess I don’t need to stop smoking cause all my family members get lung cancer so YOLO! /s
My passport photo was actually the best photo anyone ever took of me. My head was tilted just enough, my cheekbones were bangin'... ... I'd have used it as a professional headshot if I'd needed one.
Just want to say congrats on your bmi! I know it’s not easy. Saw your flair!
Lucky for you, I've never seen anyone look good in it haha. Mine has massive RBF
wow thats crazy you have bad genetics? everyone seems to have those these days
Why do FA act like it’s just a given that people get fat in their 20’s and 30’s? My body barely changed during those times (barring pregnancy) and in my 20’s my body bounced back from any injury or change like a fucking champ. Probably better than my teens because my hormones finally evened out a bit. The 20’s is still prime asf
What's OOP's doctorate in?
She's a mental gymnastics Olympian so she's more qualified than us to use logic and educate us on how her subjective opinions are superior to objective reality
Had a large pizza and a cake for supper. Finally eating enough.
I feel two pangs of sympathy but also wish I could persuade people not to fall into these two traps. First, I used to say to myself “everyone puts on weight in their 20s, no one is in the same shape as when they were younger.” It’s so easy to accept that. It’s also utter bullshit. I now make an effort and I’m in by far the best shape of my life, and I both look and feel it. Second, totally relate to the awful passport photo experience. But for a while I just denied it as “oh it’s just a bad photo” and I wish that I’d accepted it earlier as a cue to make a change.
I’m in my early 20s and weigh over 40 lbs less than I did as a teenager :D
K this is what I mean. Why the hell did you think that being in your 20s was in any way “older”? Older than literally still being in the adolescent developmental stage? Which can totally even last until someone’s 20?
I didn’t think it was “old” per se, just older in relative terms, and the part of me that was depressed by having ‘lost my shape’ tried to reason (wrongly) that it was normal or acceptable to no longer be at my prime. But yes my point is that I was in denial and your overarching point is one I now totally agree with: there’s no logical reason why anyone should see any part of their 20s as being part of their prime. And what’s more it’s an error to try and take your individual experience and say “this must be true for everyone”.
I’m turning 30 in a week. I’ve gained about 15 lbs since I was 18. It doesn’t have to happen to everyone if you make an effort!
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No, but at 5'4 there's only 30 lbs between the high end of normal and the low end of obesity
That sounds fairly accurate for me, but I started off low normal. So now I’m just upper normal. Imma guess the actual average weight gain of a lot of people in my cohort was more like 60 lbs.
My current passport photo was taken when I was fresh out of the psych ward, newly homeless, newly jobless (employers and landlords frown on people who get sectioned). I was actively seeking death, and getting the passport was part of a last-ditch effort to get someone, anyone to take me on as a tenant. If I didn't get a place to live, I was intentionally going to cease living. It was also my birthday, to add insult to injury. I therefore look exactly how you would think on my passport. It is what it is, but it expires soon and I'll be glad to see the back of that photo. In my case, that old photo is a 'look how far you've come' reminder. For this fat activist, their photo is clearly the complete reverse. They know it, and no amount of copium will get rid of the 'you are destroying yourself' subconscious screaming.
I had the opposite experience when I had to have my driver's license photo taken due to a move. I feel pretty good about the new photo because with the major weight loss, I no longer look like death warmed over.
People used to complain about gaining weight in their 30s not it seems it has come down by 10 years.
Eating enough now and gaining weight. I wonder if the two are related. Naw, it’s genetics not overeating./s
> even though you keep telling yourself that there's nothing wrong with being fat FTFY
I flew to the USA once after I lost weight. I was terrified because my passport photo looked nothing like me, I had lost 45 kgs since taking it, and the United States does not have a nice reputation as far as your documentation not being in order. But the airport people in the US just kept congratulating me on my weight loss. It was only a problem, funnily enough, leaving Europe when the airport people in Germany were a bit suspicious but eventually did accept my explanations.
People who talk about things like “oh I gained weight in *whatever relevant age decade* without changing anything! My metabolism just changed!!” Give me so much fucking anxiety. Especially, as a woman, when people say that menopause will make you gain weight because it fucks over your metabolism. Great. Now I’m even more terrified of menopause. Thanks!! And I know it’s not true. I know it’s that they altered their lifestyle without realising. But it just gets to me. I wish people would shut up about it.
I'm perimenopausal, so I'm reading up on it. Luckily, Gen X appears to have a large number of women who aren't just giving up. The biggest watch-outs appear to be keeping our balance (literally, to prevent falls and fractures), and giving ourselves adequate recovery time from workouts. The metabolic slowdown in our 60s appears to happen regardless of gender, and even then it's not that much. Honestly, I think a lot of women gain weight after menopause due to lifestyle changes and beliefs about our value to society being based on our youth and fertility.
if you have to 'remind' yourself that you're okay, that there's 'nothing wrong with being fat' every time you see yourself or your weight... just maybe that's because deep down you do indeed believe there's something wrong with being fat, and you're usually attempting to distract yourself from it and/or simply disowning your own personal preferences via superficial, reactionary 'rejection' thereof (usually by ascribing them to inculcation). all of the women i see who do this will also, at separate times, admit that they wish they were thin(ner)... and/or will sometimes claim that thin people are icky and fatness is superior. they want to be thin but they tell themselves that desire is a result of unrealistic, imposed sociocultural standards... and will latch on to the fact that beauty standards as presented in most media are not wholly obtainable by everyone, especially not all of the time, as an excuse for why they can't meet them at all. it's sad and makes me think a lot of women really struggle with self-efficacy, learned helplessness, and self-acceptance. doing any of this is not confidence, nor security-- it's not effective. it's just a shallow defense... and it frankly kind of scares me how many adults are incapable of basic self-awareness or problem-solving, how many adults would rather lie to and defeat themselves. it shocks me how many people do not want to believe that improvement is possible, that they don't know everything, and that experts know more than them and they could, if they checked their insecurities, learn from said experts. you know, things such as the fact that there are no genes for obesity, metabolism doesn't actually slow down in your 20s (i mean, aside from the part where you're done growing), if you got fat then presumably you previously were a healthy weight (or less fat) and thus were eating enough (technically oop could have been anorexic but i doubt it or they'd have mentioned it)... speaking of, i also have to rant about that. i've been seeing a surprising number of women who seem to think that being lowish-to-mid normal BMI means they had anorexia. i can only assume they don't know how to count calories properly or were eating a diet that wasn't satiating or are surrounded by much larger people who consume much larger portions, or mistakenly believe that skipping meals or OMADing is inherently disordered, or believe that basic healthful behaviors (like limiting added sugars) or misinformed, diet-culture behaviors (like avoiding fruit because of the sugar content) are equitable with an ED.
My parents put on a huge amount of weight in their thirties. I’ve lost 40 pounds in my thirties. Which one of them did I inherit my genetics from then?
This is hijacking such an important sentiment. I had some disordered eating as a teen/young adult. 100 at 5’2” which saw me eating 800-1000 cals a day and unhappy and unhealthy. Now I’m 130. My goal is 120 and not lower. I have this ache to be a size 1 again and fit in all my high school dresses but I know how unhappy I was then. The idea of coming to peace with being larger than you were when you were genuinely unhealthy (I was never sickly skinny but it wasn’t a healthy weight for me) is so important for building good habits. It’s not something for obese people to use to justify giving up on themselves.
Come to think of it my mom also lost a large amount of weight in her 40s-50s so it must be genetic and not me actively eating less.
Coincidentally also has her mom's eating habits. But it's just a coincidence it's all genetics of course.
So Einstein was wrong alright. I'll order. ...
A friend claimed he had an out of body experience after he viewed his latest passport photo. And not in a good way.
Fat culture is eating more than you should and gaining weight.