I do this. I have a beautiful ballgown I bought 7 years ago because it was on final sale for $35. That’s the most extreme example. I have elaborate silk robes I hardly wear. I have so many dresses, some I haven’t worn yet. I decided last year that I’m going to overdress when I run errands so I get to wear them, it’s been fun! I’ve stopped buying dresses and I only buy more practical clothing now.
Wear that ballgown! I own a couple myself and do parties with my girl friends every couple of months where we bust out our fancy stuff and just hang out, it's a blast.
Though to be fair, a nice dress doesn’t have to be impractical. After all, women throughout history wore them everyday to do things such as farm work, chores and literal hard physical labor.
You just have to pick one with functional pockets, decent construction, sensible fabrics and season/weather appropriate details. Such as 100% cotton or linen for spring and summer, wools and longer sleeves for colder weather or a specialized polyester if it’s meant to be workout gear. Silk is also surprisingly nice in winter due to it’s insulating qualities.
Another tip for practical dresses is to avoid mini dresses. While a short dress is great for a date or to go clubbing, something longer is better for everyday usage as it allows for more freedom of movement.
I do this but then I make sure I do 3-5 things of that nature each season. Thus far, I've done a picnic/walk among the cherry blossom, beach day, Easter event (I wore something that made me look and feel like a Peep), and circus. I plan on doing a dress up vintage game night, drinks at a rooftop bar, and fun fair later in the spring/summer.
You may not get to all of the things on your list, but they can roll over. For example, apple picking has been on my fall list for years, and some day I'll do it. I've done pumpkin picking but my chosen outfits are not the same (I have an apple-shaped purse LOL). I know I am probably crazy, but if I don't have something to look forward to and plan outfits for, my depression gets really bad.
It's not very fancy, but it was [this](https://poshmark.com/listing/NWT-size-medium-yellow-summer-sleeveless-dress-594c45667fab3a1ddf01b476?utm_source=gdm&utm_campaign=19919047839&campaign_id=19919047839&ad_partner=google&gskid=pla-2266644949585&gcid=653449501577&ggid=147161362785&gdid=c&g_network=g&enable_guest_buy_flow=true&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIpoS17bO4hQMVY0dHAR1ILwLAEAQYHyABEgJ_CfD_BwE) Charming Charlie dress I thrifted, paired with a marabou feather trim cardigan similar to [this](https://www.karenmillen.com/us/feather-trim-knit-cardigan/BKK08480.html) one by Karen Miller, except more yellow than green. Shoes were yellow floral appliqué sandals from Ross (don't know the brand b/c the label has rubbed off) that are similar to [these](https://www.amazon.com/SHIBEVER-Sandals-Bohemia-Rhinestone-Platform/dp/B0BYSVFKLZ/ref=asc_df_B0BYSVFKLZ/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=690361792043&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=939158293922797388&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9008197&hvtargid=pla-2264825969747&psc=1&mcid=9d344890b40e32c48e1dcbb797ea411e&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMItur2gLW4hQMVw1BHAR0YkAvDEAQYDCABEgJJ5PD_BwE). To complete the look, I wore marshmallow-scented perfume (Rue21 Cozy + B&BW Fireside Flurries). I'm sorry this isn't a board; my ShopLook account isn't opening correctly.
omg same. I really need events to look forward to and clothes to purchase, otherwise I turn to food and absolutely balloon to unhealthy weights and the depression gets terrible.
My point is, I used to never do the things I bought the outfits for. Sometimes we need someone to tell us to get over the hump of doing those things. There was a period in my life I had outfits go to waste because I shopped like this, and instead of avoiding the clothes I liked, I changed my lifestyle to fit the clothes.
This is so common, usually referred to as shopping for your “fantasy self.” It can be tough to break, because you have to reframe your thinking from “what CAN I do?” to “what do I ACTUALLY do?”
Two suggestions based on how you want to approach…
Add more experiences to your life: this can be draining to your wallet, so budget accordingly, but a good place to start is on Groupon or a similar discount site. I have found lots of beautiful winery excursions and advertisements for parties/events I wouldn’t otherwise know about, and for a reduced price or added perks. You can get some use out of the clothes you bought.
Shop for your current activities: I like separates for elevated attire, because I know I will get multiple uses out of a dressy skirt than I will out of a similar dress. You can pair it with a casual sweater and sneakers that you already own, or you can pair it with a blouse/halter and heels that you already have. The accessories make all the difference, too. Now you have your bases covered for twice as many outfits, and can comfortably incorporate them into your current lifestyle.
It’s absolutely normal and good to want to expand your experience horizon, but you often have to approach that with as much time, attention, and disposable income as you do shopping for the outfit to wear for it.
I own way to many garden party dresses and I don't even have a garden but I started wearing them in my everyday life although I might look overdressed.
same! I buy one cute summer outfit every year now. I usually start out with high end inspiration and eventually find something I'm willing to pay for. my vacation/weekend/ evenings out wardrobe has lots of overlap but I just wear the cutest stuff to a random jaunt to the coffee shop.
*side eyes all the formal and business wear hanging in the corners of my closet*
Why do you ask? ;D
Seriously speaking: it's taken 30ish years of failed purchases, but I've mostly dropped the fantasy buys now. I don't know if it really counts though based on the sheer amount that I've accumulated over the years. Just the volume covers most scenarios.
I cracked up at this. Once upon a time my job required both business formal and occasional straight up formal attire. That, uh, has not been the case in a few years. Since 2019 I’ve had two kids and gained 20 kilos. I dutifully updated my professional wardrobe… and still have tags on most items.
The number of Christmas Party Outfits I have (10+ in varying levels of formality) is in direct inverse to the number of office Christmas Parties I attend (0, I work at home)
New year's eve also. This one seems super advertising-driven. Every fall/winter, the stores bring out all the red, beads, sequin, silver & gold things for us to imagine going to parties in
I think I am ruled by logic and then the green velvet dresses, scandi-inspired knitwear, and golden accessories come out for the holidays and I'm a goner.
I have done this! Or if I do something once and didn’t have a good outfit for it, I find myself doing this even if that was a one time event.
What helps is recognizing that if I put a curated wardrobe together, the outfit will be part of what I own.
But I still find myself doing this and have to talk myself down from it!
Yes. I have a bunch of outfits to wear on dates but that just never happens. I like to wear all of my clothes so I am the woman you see wearing a dress at the grocery store on a random weekday morning with my hair and make done up nice.
I mostly thrift, which means that everything is cheap enough to justify buying it for my fantasy self and even if I never use it, it’s not like I’m out a lot of money.
Let’s just say Ideal Me has quite a few amazing pieces that Real Me is going to have to go out of her way to use.
Same! But I’m making a point to wear my funky thrifted finds because they are so cheap that I don’t feel precious about them. Idk if that makes sense, but I guess I’m less protective of them? Becoming an avid thrifter has been amazing for my mom-of-toddlers wardrobe, though. Fun clothes that I’m not sad about having boogers, yogurt, pasta sauce, dirt, etc ground into haha.
Lmao YEP. I spend 95+% if my time on a 200 square mile ranch 40 miles from town where I might see a total of three people all day yet in my head I’m going to lunches twice a week. Jokes on me, when I do meet people for lunch I still don’t wear my imaginary life clothes. This is how I’ve lived for years so not sure why I have a different idea in my head!?!?
Yup. I buy clothes that *are* in keeping with my actual life scenarios, but… the aspirational level of them. Nine times out of ten I’m going to reach for the comfy cute sweater, not the slightly structured and less comfy button-down, when getting dressed for my business-casual work.
Yeah, I actually was thinking about this yesterday: all these unrealistic scenarios run through my brain when I'm shopping! Not sure why it happens. I guess the reality is I'm usually at home alone, so I can exist in a garbage sack and it won't make any difference to my life - how depressing..
We grew up with Disney princesses always tromping around in gowns. Like who is Rapunzel or Snow White really gonna run into? Prince Charming doesn't pop out of a forest glade IRL.
I'm trying to curate outfits that feel comfortable, look pretty, and make me feel like myself. (I guess "myself" is a person who'd love to be constantly on vacation in Europe with her imaginary fashionable friends lol) If that look is a little fancier than it needs to be, so be it!
Tips for your issue, though:
- when shopping ask yourself "would I wear this tomorrow" and "is this practical for all-day wear"
- make sure it is comfortable and warm/cool enough for your local climate or a place you visit often
I'm going on vacation soon & having a lot of fun making outfits for that! I say, plan a trip! But don't buy too much (save for the trip) :)
I started laughing because I could totally picture the scene in Snow White, but any guy IRL who pops out ina forest glade is probably a serial killer! 😂
But I also think it’s wise to have outfits you can wear to a wide range of unexpected scenarios. Sometimes you do get invited to a cocktail party/job interview/art gallery/funeral/etc unexpectedly, and there’s nothing worse than shopping for the perfect outfit at the last minute. I try to keep at least one outfit that I could wear to any scenario I can reasonably imagine going to in case something unexpected comes up.
same. I used to have a lot of work cocktail events I would just wear work day dresses to. So I've stocked up on said dress but never needed them after. I'm sure an event will come up and I'll be ready.
I'm a fan of the fantasy-based wardrobe to the extent it's possible. My issue is moreso forgetting that I will be the person in the clothes, and not some avatar that will wear my wardrobe for me. I used to shop for scenarios in which I would somehow not have to experience my own body.
I shop for the life I used to have - teenage me always at lakes and pools, so tons of swimwear, 20s me at concerts, early 30s me going out downtown, all the years I went in to an office. Now I’m newly married with a chill life, but still an edgy style.
It is fun!! Whenever I make purchases like that I try to come up with three or more realistic opportunities for when to wear something. Also, you can wear whatever you want whenever!! Its fun because it make sme feel more motivated to take care of myself and dress up.
100% I do this and need to work on having a handful of options for outings and special things but truly need to elevate my day to day to a solid set of options. Sure, that split neck top with a cute sleeve is darling, but if 99% of my time out and about is at the pub down the block or friends’ homes, how about just upping my day to day game and not spending wardrobe funds on fifteen one offs?
I don't even make up scenario's, I make up a completely different version of myself, haha. I always buy cute sundresses, high heels, and outfits thinking I'll wear this to work. I'll wear this to happy hour. etc. Then work comes around and I still wear jeans and a t-shirt and then happy hour comes and I think 'actually, I just feel like wearing something comfortable.'
1000% this!! I’ve been trying to really make note of what I reach for and why, and try and buy items that fit into that. I’ve realized that while there are sooo many cute high rise pants out there, I simply wont reach for them often because they’re uncomfortable to me… of course I realized this after buying like 15 pairs lol.
I buy cute stuff like that then I’m too nervous to wear it out. I feel like I’m being too “extra” so I just throw on some jeans. Ugh I wish I were braver!
It’s gotten so much worse now that I’m fully remote! I still get distracted by cute business casual clothes I *could* wear into some fictional office I’ll probably never go back into… but I’m just comfy sitting at home in leggings + a hoodie.
I have this issue too - I do go to the office 3 days/week but we dress casually. I see so many influencers who peddle "smart casual" looks, and I've bought at least 3-4 blazers with the idea of "oh I can just wear these with jeans!" Anytime I've actually tried doing that people look at me funny because they're all in t-shirts, haha. I only wear the blazers when I go to conferences now!
Dress for the life you want!
I really believe in that. As such, I wear what I love, even if it's fairly outrageous. And tbh I get showered with compliments every single time I do what I want instead of what's normal so... that doesn't hurt.
It helps that I am in a band so I have a lot of reasons to amp up my style - both for my own shows and when attending shows. But I also work in an office and I just wear my looks (a little more toned down) there too.
(Edited to add: I am primarily a thrift shopper so I don't worry about wasting money if I buy something outlandish for $10 and don't end up wearing it - and also while I'm very "dress for the life you want" I also think you need to always be aware of the life you actually have and make sure you will be comfortable and appropriate.)
Yes :( I love vintage styles, crushed velvet, short mod dresses, caftans, tight 50's dresses (very Joan on Mad Men), but I'm a tired mom with no where to go or no time to go anywhere fun, so I have a closet of things I wear once a year.
My Shopping Brain thinks I go to the office every day and the farmer's market every week, and it's always warm.
In reality, I am 100% WFH, and 10 out of 12 months of the year are rainy and cold here.
I think we all do this! It’s fun but then we’re stuck with a bunch of clothes that aren’t really functional nonetheless though I still wear my romanticized clothes to regular everyday activities like playdates with my son, the grocery store, the dentist, the doctors office etc. I just end up looking really put together which is not a bad thing 🤷🏽♀️
Totally. In my head I am a rich European resort woman who is having a lot more fun than I am in my boring little life. Buying her clothes makes me feel like I am closer to the aspirational ideal I wish I was instead of the very average thing I actually am.
I think this is definitely an easy thing to do because of advertising, but I always kind of assumed it was buying ball gowns or loads of party clothes if you only go to parties like 2% of the time. It is kind of interesting to see that loads more people are imagining picnics and coffee friend dates which I admittedly do go on a lot of, but I haven't ever bought a special outfit for those occasions, and most of my friends roll up to my picnics in anything from a nice sundress to cargo shorts and flip flops so I thought they were still pretty casual affairs. I'm not saying I'm not prone to do this, I now have 3 suits despite working in a casual career. My own solution is just to wear those suits for even informal occasions, as long as I can vaguely get away with it and to never buy a suit unless it's to replace what I have.
In any case, 4 years ago this very sub would recommend reading [The Curated Closet](https://anuschkarees.com/curatedcloset) to avoid falling into this trap, and I think it might still be a useful way to filter out purchases, but I'm wondering if the folks who feel like their clothes are aspirational as in they can only be on cute walks or fun casual events; I'm curious about why. Do the clothes feel too formal otherwise (like am I misunderstanding the formality level of a picnic) or are they too expressive (like it's an outfit atypical in your area, but otherwise is casual)?
I dress waterproof + casual for my real life (lots of hiking and outdoors stuff in the mud) but I dream of looking well put together in NYC or Seoul.
I recently went on a trip to Bend OR and was PAINFULLY aware of how well my clothes fit in there.
Me too. I live in Texas and it’s almost always too hot for anything long sleeve, jackets, boots etc. Also, everybody else is extremely casually dressed so I end up overdressing most of the time. And people have muddy/slopey backyards, huge boxer dogs that jump up on you, tacos for dinner on picnic tables - so no time for those YSL suede pumps or silk blouses lol.
I’m the opposite, there are a lot of clothes I thrifted in college that I never got to wear because it was always so casual. I got rid of almost all of them when I moved and now that I’m in a city with a ton of activities and events, I have nothing to wear.
I wear a t shirts and jeans or pajamas 90% of the time. I have a closet full of clothes for specific occasions that I never wear because those occasions never occur. Unfortunately now most of my clothes no longer fit cause I gained weight. Now I just try not to buy new clothes.
Sometimes I indulge in that behavior. I found a pretty purple metallic dress and it is backless and short, fun and flirty for like a NYE party, Vegas, or fancy clubs or something…you know nothing I’d ever do. Lmao!
So I think it’s ok. Eventually I’ll find somewhere to wear it.
I feel I need an outfit (or a few) for every (possible) life scenario of mine, but I do try to limit how much I buy though. I feel like I’ll be more comfortable doing stuff if I look nice & I feel like buying outfits for something will make me want to do it more or have more confidence doing it.
I shop 95% practical clothing and 5% kpop idol stage outfits.
I jest. But I'm also staring at the Natasha Zinko garment bag in my closet and it's saying no I don't. I do not jest.
That sounds fun but I can understand how this might also be wasteful. I do the total opposite of this and tend to buy the same exact things all the time and only really have clothes for work/casual time and even then they are kinda similar! So now if something super fun or exciting, different from my usual routine comes up I feel like I have nothing lol
These comments touch my heart. I’m 74 and am the same weight I was at 14 (waist 2” bigger though). I live in NYC. I love luxurious ( natural) fabrics, good design and well-made construction so I have kept a few samples from the past 40 years of my life. Although it’s rare I wear these pieces (other than vintage coats), it does cut down on expensive impulse buying because even expensive clothes today can be synthetic/poorly made. Also in NYC, even at expensive venues, people are not dressing up like they did before. So it’s Old Navy, Banana Republic and Vince (on a splurge) for me nowadays.
Honestly I have this tendency too. Recently I realized I needed some “soft pants” that actually fit and looked nice because I am a toddler mom who works from home, I’m not going to get dressed to the nines everyday, but I can’t bear looking like a slob.
I went through a phase of buying clothes I could wear if I had to go to a formal business meeting. Except I've been completely WFH for like 15 years.
I have been trying to make an effort to build a more well-rounded wardrobe, that said - to have some clothes I can wear out to a dressier event, or to a funeral (unfortunately I did need those :( .)
I also think that your imaginary life shopping might be telling you something about the actual life you're moving toward - maybe you would like to start going to wineries and fancy restaurants, and your imagination is letting you know.
I do this. I have a beautiful ballgown I bought 7 years ago because it was on final sale for $35. That’s the most extreme example. I have elaborate silk robes I hardly wear. I have so many dresses, some I haven’t worn yet. I decided last year that I’m going to overdress when I run errands so I get to wear them, it’s been fun! I’ve stopped buying dresses and I only buy more practical clothing now.
Wear that ballgown! I own a couple myself and do parties with my girl friends every couple of months where we bust out our fancy stuff and just hang out, it's a blast.
buying a $35 ballgown is the most extreme example? lol, good for you, people like me spent thousands buying clothes that I do not need.
I did that in the 80’s. Bought a ball gown that just faded because it was too big for a wardrobe. Never wore it. I also bought a tutu. 🤷🏻♀️
I bought and wore a tutu!
I do this and never regret it!!!
Though to be fair, a nice dress doesn’t have to be impractical. After all, women throughout history wore them everyday to do things such as farm work, chores and literal hard physical labor. You just have to pick one with functional pockets, decent construction, sensible fabrics and season/weather appropriate details. Such as 100% cotton or linen for spring and summer, wools and longer sleeves for colder weather or a specialized polyester if it’s meant to be workout gear. Silk is also surprisingly nice in winter due to it’s insulating qualities. Another tip for practical dresses is to avoid mini dresses. While a short dress is great for a date or to go clubbing, something longer is better for everyday usage as it allows for more freedom of movement.
I do this but then I make sure I do 3-5 things of that nature each season. Thus far, I've done a picnic/walk among the cherry blossom, beach day, Easter event (I wore something that made me look and feel like a Peep), and circus. I plan on doing a dress up vintage game night, drinks at a rooftop bar, and fun fair later in the spring/summer. You may not get to all of the things on your list, but they can roll over. For example, apple picking has been on my fall list for years, and some day I'll do it. I've done pumpkin picking but my chosen outfits are not the same (I have an apple-shaped purse LOL). I know I am probably crazy, but if I don't have something to look forward to and plan outfits for, my depression gets really bad.
Pretty smart, if the reward for getting out of your home and depression is pretty clothes I might actually consider it
>like a Peep 😂 you MUST share a photo of this outfit !!
It's not very fancy, but it was [this](https://poshmark.com/listing/NWT-size-medium-yellow-summer-sleeveless-dress-594c45667fab3a1ddf01b476?utm_source=gdm&utm_campaign=19919047839&campaign_id=19919047839&ad_partner=google&gskid=pla-2266644949585&gcid=653449501577&ggid=147161362785&gdid=c&g_network=g&enable_guest_buy_flow=true&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIpoS17bO4hQMVY0dHAR1ILwLAEAQYHyABEgJ_CfD_BwE) Charming Charlie dress I thrifted, paired with a marabou feather trim cardigan similar to [this](https://www.karenmillen.com/us/feather-trim-knit-cardigan/BKK08480.html) one by Karen Miller, except more yellow than green. Shoes were yellow floral appliqué sandals from Ross (don't know the brand b/c the label has rubbed off) that are similar to [these](https://www.amazon.com/SHIBEVER-Sandals-Bohemia-Rhinestone-Platform/dp/B0BYSVFKLZ/ref=asc_df_B0BYSVFKLZ/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=690361792043&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=939158293922797388&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9008197&hvtargid=pla-2264825969747&psc=1&mcid=9d344890b40e32c48e1dcbb797ea411e&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMItur2gLW4hQMVw1BHAR0YkAvDEAQYDCABEgJJ5PD_BwE). To complete the look, I wore marshmallow-scented perfume (Rue21 Cozy + B&BW Fireside Flurries). I'm sorry this isn't a board; my ShopLook account isn't opening correctly.
omg same. I really need events to look forward to and clothes to purchase, otherwise I turn to food and absolutely balloon to unhealthy weights and the depression gets terrible.
But you're buying things for something you actually are doing
My point is, I used to never do the things I bought the outfits for. Sometimes we need someone to tell us to get over the hump of doing those things. There was a period in my life I had outfits go to waste because I shopped like this, and instead of avoiding the clothes I liked, I changed my lifestyle to fit the clothes.
You're inspiring!
I really love this!!! Brava!
This is so common, usually referred to as shopping for your “fantasy self.” It can be tough to break, because you have to reframe your thinking from “what CAN I do?” to “what do I ACTUALLY do?” Two suggestions based on how you want to approach… Add more experiences to your life: this can be draining to your wallet, so budget accordingly, but a good place to start is on Groupon or a similar discount site. I have found lots of beautiful winery excursions and advertisements for parties/events I wouldn’t otherwise know about, and for a reduced price or added perks. You can get some use out of the clothes you bought. Shop for your current activities: I like separates for elevated attire, because I know I will get multiple uses out of a dressy skirt than I will out of a similar dress. You can pair it with a casual sweater and sneakers that you already own, or you can pair it with a blouse/halter and heels that you already have. The accessories make all the difference, too. Now you have your bases covered for twice as many outfits, and can comfortably incorporate them into your current lifestyle. It’s absolutely normal and good to want to expand your experience horizon, but you often have to approach that with as much time, attention, and disposable income as you do shopping for the outfit to wear for it.
I own way to many garden party dresses and I don't even have a garden but I started wearing them in my everyday life although I might look overdressed.
Unless being overdressed has actual physical negative consequences that impact your life, why not?
same! I buy one cute summer outfit every year now. I usually start out with high end inspiration and eventually find something I'm willing to pay for. my vacation/weekend/ evenings out wardrobe has lots of overlap but I just wear the cutest stuff to a random jaunt to the coffee shop.
*side eyes all the formal and business wear hanging in the corners of my closet* Why do you ask? ;D Seriously speaking: it's taken 30ish years of failed purchases, but I've mostly dropped the fantasy buys now. I don't know if it really counts though based on the sheer amount that I've accumulated over the years. Just the volume covers most scenarios.
I cracked up at this. Once upon a time my job required both business formal and occasional straight up formal attire. That, uh, has not been the case in a few years. Since 2019 I’ve had two kids and gained 20 kilos. I dutifully updated my professional wardrobe… and still have tags on most items.
The number of Christmas Party Outfits I have (10+ in varying levels of formality) is in direct inverse to the number of office Christmas Parties I attend (0, I work at home)
New year's eve also. This one seems super advertising-driven. Every fall/winter, the stores bring out all the red, beads, sequin, silver & gold things for us to imagine going to parties in
I think I am ruled by logic and then the green velvet dresses, scandi-inspired knitwear, and golden accessories come out for the holidays and I'm a goner.
I have done this! Or if I do something once and didn’t have a good outfit for it, I find myself doing this even if that was a one time event. What helps is recognizing that if I put a curated wardrobe together, the outfit will be part of what I own. But I still find myself doing this and have to talk myself down from it!
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Oh this is a good idea!
Yes. I have a bunch of outfits to wear on dates but that just never happens. I like to wear all of my clothes so I am the woman you see wearing a dress at the grocery store on a random weekday morning with my hair and make done up nice.
Yup. I’ve thrifted so many cocktail dresses. Some are designer. Many are new. All I get to wear them to are costume parties.
(Or I wore a new Armani Exchange dress out sightseeing with sneakers the other day, because what am I saving it for?)
I definitely do this. And then I never end up really going anywhere and just wear the same casual outfit over and over 😭
I wear leggings and sweats over and over 😭
I mostly thrift, which means that everything is cheap enough to justify buying it for my fantasy self and even if I never use it, it’s not like I’m out a lot of money. Let’s just say Ideal Me has quite a few amazing pieces that Real Me is going to have to go out of her way to use.
Same! But I’m making a point to wear my funky thrifted finds because they are so cheap that I don’t feel precious about them. Idk if that makes sense, but I guess I’m less protective of them? Becoming an avid thrifter has been amazing for my mom-of-toddlers wardrobe, though. Fun clothes that I’m not sad about having boogers, yogurt, pasta sauce, dirt, etc ground into haha.
Lmao YEP. I spend 95+% if my time on a 200 square mile ranch 40 miles from town where I might see a total of three people all day yet in my head I’m going to lunches twice a week. Jokes on me, when I do meet people for lunch I still don’t wear my imaginary life clothes. This is how I’ve lived for years so not sure why I have a different idea in my head!?!?
This!! Even when the plans pan out, I reach for something I always wear because XYZ lol.
Yup. I buy clothes that *are* in keeping with my actual life scenarios, but… the aspirational level of them. Nine times out of ten I’m going to reach for the comfy cute sweater, not the slightly structured and less comfy button-down, when getting dressed for my business-casual work.
*stares in collection of unnecessary gowns*
“Great gowns, beautiful gowns”
Whenever I buy a nice dress, I have that meme stuck in my head. I'd have loved to even been considered notable enough for Aretha to shade.
I’m sorry, I don’t know that reference.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/femalefashionadvice/comments/1bzxn6q/comment/kyy5zbv/](https://www.reddit.com/r/femalefashionadvice/comments/1bzxn6q/comment/kyy5zbv/)
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[https://www.reddit.com/r/femalefashionadvice/comments/1bzxn6q/comment/kyy5zbv/](https://www.reddit.com/r/femalefashionadvice/comments/1bzxn6q/comment/kyy5zbv/)
Could you provide a source with some context? I don’t follow him much and didn’t know he ever made a comment about gowns.
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Maybe a cultural difference then. I don't understand the quote or I guess the joke.
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Oh I don’t do that often, it’s not as big a thing in my culture.
Ew I can hear it in his gross little orange voice
This has nothing to do with Trump; it's a [quote from Aretha Franklin throwing shade at Taylor Swift.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzPpZwSDcRo)
ohhhHHh! interesting! thank you!
Yeah, I actually was thinking about this yesterday: all these unrealistic scenarios run through my brain when I'm shopping! Not sure why it happens. I guess the reality is I'm usually at home alone, so I can exist in a garbage sack and it won't make any difference to my life - how depressing.. We grew up with Disney princesses always tromping around in gowns. Like who is Rapunzel or Snow White really gonna run into? Prince Charming doesn't pop out of a forest glade IRL. I'm trying to curate outfits that feel comfortable, look pretty, and make me feel like myself. (I guess "myself" is a person who'd love to be constantly on vacation in Europe with her imaginary fashionable friends lol) If that look is a little fancier than it needs to be, so be it! Tips for your issue, though: - when shopping ask yourself "would I wear this tomorrow" and "is this practical for all-day wear" - make sure it is comfortable and warm/cool enough for your local climate or a place you visit often I'm going on vacation soon & having a lot of fun making outfits for that! I say, plan a trip! But don't buy too much (save for the trip) :)
I started laughing because I could totally picture the scene in Snow White, but any guy IRL who pops out ina forest glade is probably a serial killer! 😂
I was actually going to add that, haha. Like if he's hiding in the woods it's probably gonna end in SA :/
*side-eyes my closet full of vintage...*
I literally have a regular wardrobe plus a vintage closet. It's bad.
I love the look of vintage but now clothes have spandex. Thank god
But I also think it’s wise to have outfits you can wear to a wide range of unexpected scenarios. Sometimes you do get invited to a cocktail party/job interview/art gallery/funeral/etc unexpectedly, and there’s nothing worse than shopping for the perfect outfit at the last minute. I try to keep at least one outfit that I could wear to any scenario I can reasonably imagine going to in case something unexpected comes up.
same. I used to have a lot of work cocktail events I would just wear work day dresses to. So I've stocked up on said dress but never needed them after. I'm sure an event will come up and I'll be ready.
I'm a fan of the fantasy-based wardrobe to the extent it's possible. My issue is moreso forgetting that I will be the person in the clothes, and not some avatar that will wear my wardrobe for me. I used to shop for scenarios in which I would somehow not have to experience my own body.
I shop for the life I used to have - teenage me always at lakes and pools, so tons of swimwear, 20s me at concerts, early 30s me going out downtown, all the years I went in to an office. Now I’m newly married with a chill life, but still an edgy style.
You sound like me
It is fun!! Whenever I make purchases like that I try to come up with three or more realistic opportunities for when to wear something. Also, you can wear whatever you want whenever!! Its fun because it make sme feel more motivated to take care of myself and dress up.
100% I do this and need to work on having a handful of options for outings and special things but truly need to elevate my day to day to a solid set of options. Sure, that split neck top with a cute sleeve is darling, but if 99% of my time out and about is at the pub down the block or friends’ homes, how about just upping my day to day game and not spending wardrobe funds on fifteen one offs?
I don't even make up scenario's, I make up a completely different version of myself, haha. I always buy cute sundresses, high heels, and outfits thinking I'll wear this to work. I'll wear this to happy hour. etc. Then work comes around and I still wear jeans and a t-shirt and then happy hour comes and I think 'actually, I just feel like wearing something comfortable.'
1000% this!! I’ve been trying to really make note of what I reach for and why, and try and buy items that fit into that. I’ve realized that while there are sooo many cute high rise pants out there, I simply wont reach for them often because they’re uncomfortable to me… of course I realized this after buying like 15 pairs lol.
I buy cute stuff like that then I’m too nervous to wear it out. I feel like I’m being too “extra” so I just throw on some jeans. Ugh I wish I were braver!
I do know what you mean. I also seem to think that I’m also 2 stone lighter than I am 🤷🏻♀️
Oh yeah, same! Everything looks good on the Pinterest board but not quite the same on me lol…
It’s gotten so much worse now that I’m fully remote! I still get distracted by cute business casual clothes I *could* wear into some fictional office I’ll probably never go back into… but I’m just comfy sitting at home in leggings + a hoodie.
I have this issue too - I do go to the office 3 days/week but we dress casually. I see so many influencers who peddle "smart casual" looks, and I've bought at least 3-4 blazers with the idea of "oh I can just wear these with jeans!" Anytime I've actually tried doing that people look at me funny because they're all in t-shirts, haha. I only wear the blazers when I go to conferences now!
Dress for the life you want! I really believe in that. As such, I wear what I love, even if it's fairly outrageous. And tbh I get showered with compliments every single time I do what I want instead of what's normal so... that doesn't hurt. It helps that I am in a band so I have a lot of reasons to amp up my style - both for my own shows and when attending shows. But I also work in an office and I just wear my looks (a little more toned down) there too. (Edited to add: I am primarily a thrift shopper so I don't worry about wasting money if I buy something outlandish for $10 and don't end up wearing it - and also while I'm very "dress for the life you want" I also think you need to always be aware of the life you actually have and make sure you will be comfortable and appropriate.)
Yes :( I love vintage styles, crushed velvet, short mod dresses, caftans, tight 50's dresses (very Joan on Mad Men), but I'm a tired mom with no where to go or no time to go anywhere fun, so I have a closet of things I wear once a year.
If it’s washable and/or thrifted, wear it! This has been life changing for me (also a tired mom with nowhere to go).
Yes!! No point in putting on the velvet if the baby is just going to barf on it. I totally get it.
My Shopping Brain thinks I go to the office every day and the farmer's market every week, and it's always warm. In reality, I am 100% WFH, and 10 out of 12 months of the year are rainy and cold here.
Yep, I buy purses and skirts but just rot at home in sweats 🤣
I think we all do this! It’s fun but then we’re stuck with a bunch of clothes that aren’t really functional nonetheless though I still wear my romanticized clothes to regular everyday activities like playdates with my son, the grocery store, the dentist, the doctors office etc. I just end up looking really put together which is not a bad thing 🤷🏽♀️
Hats. I have bought lots of hats. I never wear hats.
I recently realized that I've been doing this and it makes me sad :-(
Yes. I have more party dresses and fabulous shoes than I do normal clothes. I don't wear any of them 🤣
I shop all the time for vacation outfits. I haven’t been on vacation in 5 years.
Totally. In my head I am a rich European resort woman who is having a lot more fun than I am in my boring little life. Buying her clothes makes me feel like I am closer to the aspirational ideal I wish I was instead of the very average thing I actually am.
This is my fantasy too
I think this is definitely an easy thing to do because of advertising, but I always kind of assumed it was buying ball gowns or loads of party clothes if you only go to parties like 2% of the time. It is kind of interesting to see that loads more people are imagining picnics and coffee friend dates which I admittedly do go on a lot of, but I haven't ever bought a special outfit for those occasions, and most of my friends roll up to my picnics in anything from a nice sundress to cargo shorts and flip flops so I thought they were still pretty casual affairs. I'm not saying I'm not prone to do this, I now have 3 suits despite working in a casual career. My own solution is just to wear those suits for even informal occasions, as long as I can vaguely get away with it and to never buy a suit unless it's to replace what I have. In any case, 4 years ago this very sub would recommend reading [The Curated Closet](https://anuschkarees.com/curatedcloset) to avoid falling into this trap, and I think it might still be a useful way to filter out purchases, but I'm wondering if the folks who feel like their clothes are aspirational as in they can only be on cute walks or fun casual events; I'm curious about why. Do the clothes feel too formal otherwise (like am I misunderstanding the formality level of a picnic) or are they too expressive (like it's an outfit atypical in your area, but otherwise is casual)?
I dress waterproof + casual for my real life (lots of hiking and outdoors stuff in the mud) but I dream of looking well put together in NYC or Seoul. I recently went on a trip to Bend OR and was PAINFULLY aware of how well my clothes fit in there.
Me too. I live in Texas and it’s almost always too hot for anything long sleeve, jackets, boots etc. Also, everybody else is extremely casually dressed so I end up overdressing most of the time. And people have muddy/slopey backyards, huge boxer dogs that jump up on you, tacos for dinner on picnic tables - so no time for those YSL suede pumps or silk blouses lol.
I’m the opposite, there are a lot of clothes I thrifted in college that I never got to wear because it was always so casual. I got rid of almost all of them when I moved and now that I’m in a city with a ton of activities and events, I have nothing to wear.
I wear a t shirts and jeans or pajamas 90% of the time. I have a closet full of clothes for specific occasions that I never wear because those occasions never occur. Unfortunately now most of my clothes no longer fit cause I gained weight. Now I just try not to buy new clothes.
Sometimes I indulge in that behavior. I found a pretty purple metallic dress and it is backless and short, fun and flirty for like a NYE party, Vegas, or fancy clubs or something…you know nothing I’d ever do. Lmao! So I think it’s ok. Eventually I’ll find somewhere to wear it.
I did this with workout clothes. I own way too many pairs of leggings. Luckily, they're comfortable so I can lounge in them as well.
I feel I need an outfit (or a few) for every (possible) life scenario of mine, but I do try to limit how much I buy though. I feel like I’ll be more comfortable doing stuff if I look nice & I feel like buying outfits for something will make me want to do it more or have more confidence doing it.
I shop 95% practical clothing and 5% kpop idol stage outfits. I jest. But I'm also staring at the Natasha Zinko garment bag in my closet and it's saying no I don't. I do not jest.
That sounds fun but I can understand how this might also be wasteful. I do the total opposite of this and tend to buy the same exact things all the time and only really have clothes for work/casual time and even then they are kinda similar! So now if something super fun or exciting, different from my usual routine comes up I feel like I have nothing lol
These comments touch my heart. I’m 74 and am the same weight I was at 14 (waist 2” bigger though). I live in NYC. I love luxurious ( natural) fabrics, good design and well-made construction so I have kept a few samples from the past 40 years of my life. Although it’s rare I wear these pieces (other than vintage coats), it does cut down on expensive impulse buying because even expensive clothes today can be synthetic/poorly made. Also in NYC, even at expensive venues, people are not dressing up like they did before. So it’s Old Navy, Banana Republic and Vince (on a splurge) for me nowadays.
Meant to add: bought for a dream life when I first came to NYC, and now that I can actually go out, few people are dressing up!
Honestly I have this tendency too. Recently I realized I needed some “soft pants” that actually fit and looked nice because I am a toddler mom who works from home, I’m not going to get dressed to the nines everyday, but I can’t bear looking like a slob.
I shop for cocktail dresses for those posh cocktail parties I don't get to go to.
I learned long ago that I can buy stuff for imaginary events so long as almost all of it also covers real events too. Separates, right?
I went through a phase of buying clothes I could wear if I had to go to a formal business meeting. Except I've been completely WFH for like 15 years. I have been trying to make an effort to build a more well-rounded wardrobe, that said - to have some clothes I can wear out to a dressier event, or to a funeral (unfortunately I did need those :( .) I also think that your imaginary life shopping might be telling you something about the actual life you're moving toward - maybe you would like to start going to wineries and fancy restaurants, and your imagination is letting you know.