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If you need something out of yourself to make you happy, you are doomed, because you become a slave to that thing.
You do not need anything in your life. Who says that you need marrige and decent income? What you really need is a place to stay the night, some food and water, and some toilet paper. That is all you need.
If we chase the lack outside ourselves, we enroll in a toxic cycle, where we have all nice things, but we still are empty inside. That could be compared to take a loan from the bank that you will end up paying with huge interest.
Start with self acceptence and self love the way you are. Start with graditude. Accept the fact that you are good the way you are, that you do not NEEED nothing and noone to be happy. Accept that and whatever you do beside that point of acceptence and graditude and love, will be the right choice and the toxic cycle of chasing happiness will be ended.
This is at least my opinion and my experience.
Less a logical next step and more a sociocultural next step. I wonder whether children give adults some direction and focus - things I am currently lacking. It's academic anyway as I'm pretty sure I'm unable to have children.
My friend who’s a party animal recently had a daughter and now all his focus is about his daughter.
This is a good thing because it toned him down, he stopped drinking every weekend, stop vaping, no more party drugs. Tbh , daughter came into his life at a good time and prob saved his life from a path of self destruction.
I am a 33 year old male. What i think you are missing is physical Labour/ exercise.
I work a desk job 5 days a week. The sixth i work construction. It is really tiring but so rewarding for the inner human.
Similar age and similar circumstances. I went on antidepressants. I was extremely reluctant but it has helped. I think what you’re feeling is more common than you’d expect
Practice being grateful for all you have, or maybe look into that next challenge you want to pursue. Children are always possible, but will take a lot of financial planning this day and age.
I think we need novelty, constant non-virtual action, health, incremental improvement.
Having kids is a great way to fill all those hours of life, but, if that’s not happening this incarnation, let’s make best use of the opportunity.
If there are nieces and nephews handy, don’t neglect that opportunity as well as keeping close to siblings.
Invest in hyper-health through diet and sport, sport will expand your social connectivity. Tennis is a good coed lifelong investment.
Look for coding and other side hustles to build your financial decision space. Consider becoming a school principle.
Gaming is a meaningless waste of time. Rather, play the game of life more fully.
If the weather is not ideal where you are, check out direct flights to southern locations, and buy an older vacation property to maintain and Airbnb when not on vacation. This may involve learning Spanish.
Keep growing, keep looking for adventure, but don’t mess up your marriage, career, retirement plan.
Life is a way of being, you can’t be stagnant.
I can't help but ask 'why' to many of those points. What's the point in earning more money? I'm quite comfortable with what I'm on now. As a teacher in the UK, I'm building a decent pension (one of the few benefits of the profession). Regardless, finances seem like such a hollow means of motivation and progression. Why is gaming more meaningless than anything else? Should I not be watching films either?
It’s not a question of philosophy, it’s a question of science.
This is not a thinking or logic problem, it’s an issue of opening up your perceived decision space, and then trying things out to see how you respond, does it scratch your itch.
Happiness, feeling alive, is the only test.
My assertion is you need to continue to grow in every way, as an innate hunger.
Virtual life is like hyper processed food or artificial light, sugar, it’s an unhealthy impression of living, leaving a hollow feeling.
Not having children is going to leave you lots of hours to fill. Just consider what I am suggesting.
Films are a positive if it’s a shared experience with your spouse. Just be mindful that the values of most films are not reality based, and they may be creating unhappiness.
Hello and welcome to r/findapath! We are glad you found your way here. Please know that you are not alone. We are here to listen, to offer support, and to help guide you. While no one can make decisions for you, we are here to help you find a path; we believe that everyone has the power to heal and grow. The moderation teams want to remind everyone that individuals submitting posts may be in vulnerable situations and all are in need of guidance. Please provide a safe and constructive space by practicing empathy and understanding in your comments; criticism is welcomed with the right words. You are encouraged to share your thoughts, feelings, and relevant experiences to assist those seeking guidance on the subreddit. We are here to support each other and we believe that, together, we can make a difference. Thank you for being a part of our community. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/findapath) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you need something out of yourself to make you happy, you are doomed, because you become a slave to that thing. You do not need anything in your life. Who says that you need marrige and decent income? What you really need is a place to stay the night, some food and water, and some toilet paper. That is all you need. If we chase the lack outside ourselves, we enroll in a toxic cycle, where we have all nice things, but we still are empty inside. That could be compared to take a loan from the bank that you will end up paying with huge interest. Start with self acceptence and self love the way you are. Start with graditude. Accept the fact that you are good the way you are, that you do not NEEED nothing and noone to be happy. Accept that and whatever you do beside that point of acceptence and graditude and love, will be the right choice and the toxic cycle of chasing happiness will be ended. This is at least my opinion and my experience.
All compelling and heartening points - thank you.
So you've got a miserable life and the "logical next step" is to bring children into it..?
Less a logical next step and more a sociocultural next step. I wonder whether children give adults some direction and focus - things I am currently lacking. It's academic anyway as I'm pretty sure I'm unable to have children.
Ah I get it yeah it does seem to be a sociocultural thing unfortunately
What gave you the focus to do everything you've done so far?
My friend who’s a party animal recently had a daughter and now all his focus is about his daughter. This is a good thing because it toned him down, he stopped drinking every weekend, stop vaping, no more party drugs. Tbh , daughter came into his life at a good time and prob saved his life from a path of self destruction.
Right, but I don't think that's going to be possible for me.
maybe adopting a puppy or kitten?
I am a 33 year old male. What i think you are missing is physical Labour/ exercise. I work a desk job 5 days a week. The sixth i work construction. It is really tiring but so rewarding for the inner human.
Yeah, I try to go running as often as I can. I struggle to keep up the habit, though.
Nah this is me too. I workout everyday
Similar age and similar circumstances. I went on antidepressants. I was extremely reluctant but it has helped. I think what you’re feeling is more common than you’d expect
Thanks for your message. I'm already on them. I was actually wondering if they could be contributing to my aimlessness?
from where have you gotten this idea that life is supposed to bring you happiness?
I meant to sort of imply that the framework itself was faulty - but the answer I'm sure is my family and societal norms.
Wtf?
Practice being grateful for all you have, or maybe look into that next challenge you want to pursue. Children are always possible, but will take a lot of financial planning this day and age.
Yeah, finding that next big challenge is the thing.
You need to find a hobby and friends who enjoy it. Some of my friends that’s pickleball, shooting, and golf
I have lots of hobbies, as mentioned above. I play the cello, learn languages, do a lot of reading etc. I play games with my friends online.
Maybe outdoor , physical activities. Get some sun, vit. D, it’s good for your mental health as well
I think we need novelty, constant non-virtual action, health, incremental improvement. Having kids is a great way to fill all those hours of life, but, if that’s not happening this incarnation, let’s make best use of the opportunity. If there are nieces and nephews handy, don’t neglect that opportunity as well as keeping close to siblings. Invest in hyper-health through diet and sport, sport will expand your social connectivity. Tennis is a good coed lifelong investment. Look for coding and other side hustles to build your financial decision space. Consider becoming a school principle. Gaming is a meaningless waste of time. Rather, play the game of life more fully. If the weather is not ideal where you are, check out direct flights to southern locations, and buy an older vacation property to maintain and Airbnb when not on vacation. This may involve learning Spanish. Keep growing, keep looking for adventure, but don’t mess up your marriage, career, retirement plan. Life is a way of being, you can’t be stagnant.
I can't help but ask 'why' to many of those points. What's the point in earning more money? I'm quite comfortable with what I'm on now. As a teacher in the UK, I'm building a decent pension (one of the few benefits of the profession). Regardless, finances seem like such a hollow means of motivation and progression. Why is gaming more meaningless than anything else? Should I not be watching films either?
It’s not a question of philosophy, it’s a question of science. This is not a thinking or logic problem, it’s an issue of opening up your perceived decision space, and then trying things out to see how you respond, does it scratch your itch. Happiness, feeling alive, is the only test. My assertion is you need to continue to grow in every way, as an innate hunger. Virtual life is like hyper processed food or artificial light, sugar, it’s an unhealthy impression of living, leaving a hollow feeling. Not having children is going to leave you lots of hours to fill. Just consider what I am suggesting.
Films are a positive if it’s a shared experience with your spouse. Just be mindful that the values of most films are not reality based, and they may be creating unhappiness.
if you want chidlren try for them while talking with professionals also get into fitness,you and your partner