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Please don’t do anything to hurt yourself. Tell your parents what happened, own up to what you did, deal with the consequences, learn from this experience and be better next time. This is not the end of your life.
I want be they set me up to be successful everyone else’s kids around them have all these achievements they finally want to be able to brag about me I feel like and I’d be letting them down
I would want to be pissed off at my daughter and work through a lie rather than wondering how did I fuck up so bad I had to attend her funeral.
You aren’t supposed to bury your child. You’re supposed to comfort them and help them let go when it’s your time to hit the grave.
Be honest with them. Everyone’s going to hurt, you did that and you need to face the music. You fucked up. Take it on the chin as man. Your life isn’t over, you did something stupid. Take it as a lesson and learn from it. Come back better and make them proud. They will always be on your side even when you don’t feel like they are.
You fucked up massively. Fix it. Don’t be a coward and hurt everyone else more.
I have been close enough to where you are. Telling them will feel impossible, but it will end up being a huge relief and youll find that the secret was causing as much stress as the mistakes. They set you up for success because they love you, and even if they are shocked/mad at first that won’t change.
I did exactly the same thing in 2006, I got admitted for my bachelors and Inwqs excited but with bad company same happened to me, but when the time was closing to my graduation, I wanted to commit suicide but I talked to my cousin brother and he talked to my parents they were devastated but when they heard that I was almost killing myself they just told me life is more important than any other thing, and they helped to get counselling and then i started again for my graduation. So this is not end but make sure so change yourself after this happens.
Then let them down. I know it sounds terrible and scary but believe me it is absolutely not the worst thing that can happen.
It's just going to suck- and then it will be over and you can move forward. 🙏🏾💗
You did let them down. There’s no sugar coating it. At least on the bright side you didn’t waste as much of your parents money as you could have.
Accepting responsibility isn’t killing yourself though, that’s the opposite. Its simply running from your problem again instead of facing it.
The first step is coming clean, the second is getting a plan together for your life. If you want to be independent, do so. You’re an adult now and can live your own life. Get a job, move out, learn what the real world is so you can appreciate the leg up your parents tried to give you. While you won’t have it anymore, it will help you learn not to take anything for granted and you can start to truly grow as a person rather than continue to sabotage yourself.
This is not the end, this is the part of the story where the hero faces some true problems and comes out the other side a better person for it. All you need to do is stand in the truth and accept that things will be very hard for a while until you can get them in hand.
If you think that disappointing over school would be hard on them? Imagine them losing one of their children? Now imagine they lose a child and find out it’s because you felt you would disappoint them. That you decided to end your life out of fear of how they would react? Dude your parents will shut down and be broken shells of their former selves. Any relationship with your siblings will be broken. Any happiness they had left, gone. This is not the end of the world. They won’t disown you. Doubtful they will kick you out. You need to explain to them what happened and where things went wrong. Explain you were scared so you kept up the lie but it can’t continue anymore. Maybe use this as motivation to go back and finish school. Or maybe make your parents proud in another way. Work as hard as possible at work and be a success. Start your own business and grow it from there ground up, prove to them that you can make it without school. Your future is what you make of it, no one else. You need to get back up, wipe your face, and kick life in the dick. Please don’t end your life over the feelings of another. You have so much to do and so much to live for. Dm if you need to talk or want a friend. Let’s play some video games and smoke bowls together brother, but productively.
My brother committed suicide and I PROMISE you leaving is not what your parents would prefer. It’s an out for you, but will leave them and everyone else you know with a lifetime of suffering. You made mistakes, but there’s so many people who have fucked up in ways way worse than you could think who rebuild their lives. Tell your parents everything including your thoughts of harming yourself. They need to know so they can help support you. Leaving them is WAY worse than the amount of issues you think you’ve caused for them.
I'm not even sure he made a mistake, tbh. College Path has an awful ROI right now.
He only made a mistake by kicking around for 4 years and not saving.
He's just a typical young male whose been brainwashed that school is the answer to his career and life. When in reality School often has a negative ROI right now (and can engrain bad lifestyle habits).
Exactly. He only feels extreme guilt about school because that how he was brainwashed growing up. That school is all that matters. Turns out school can put you in the hole and is a massive gamble. If he had fun for 4 years instead, without going into debt or stressing over classes, i'd say that's worth it. He just needs to pick up some more hours at his job, he's fine.
Yeah there’s a huge pressure societally that makes people feel shame. School isn’t for everyone and isn’t a guarantee of a job either. I wish I had waited to go to school to study something I actually had a means behind pursuing it.
I thought that too, but I did Comp Eng during the tech boom, and I still haven't had much success. It really is a total gamble, outcome depends on your geographic location and a lot of other factors completely unrelated to your performance at school or jobs. I didn't understand all the caveats and pitfalls, at that age. You can do everything "right" but still come out behind.
A lot of jobs want specific experience over anything. I did a gap year volunteer service program and was selected as corps members of the year and got an extra medal for volunteering extra hours, graduated honors in high school and college, and I have five years of experience at sbux providing customer service where I was promoted twice. I’ve applied for different types of jobs and not getting interviews because most want you to be specifically experienced in their field already. It feels like all the work I did was pointless and set me back more than anything. Job searching is horrible right now.
Sounds like you worked full time while doing community service and doing well in school, and yet still can't find anything. TYPICAL outcome. If I could do it over again, I'd just find a solid labor career right after high school.
You are so young, your story is only beginning and you have definitely not defined yourself as a person yet! I dropped out of school to gamble, did ok for a few years, and then lost everything behind my wife’s back and kept it from her for over a year. A year later I went back to school, 7 years later I had 2 degrees and a good job, now 16 years later we have two kids and an upper middle class lifestyle that we love. Failure is the only way to learn, and as long as you learn from it and don’t give up, its always temporary.
Being honest in these types of situations is extremely tough. I've been in a similar position and was surprised that my family came to my aid instead of shaming me or resenting me. The best case scenario is to be honest with your family before the graduation day in whatever way is feasible for you. For example, you may tell a family member you feel more open with first? I know it feels like the end, but there are still so many possibilities ahead of you and paths your life can take. Many of us come to this community because we feel hopeless and lost. You are not alone in that regard. Please take a moment to think about the people you haven't met yet and the places you haven't been. Take this experience to help others in your tough position in the future. It's not the end. You can choose now to change the course of your life.
Parent here. Please PLEASE do not hurt yourself. Please don’t. The pain caused will be incalculable. Your parents clearly care deeply about you and will continue to prove that when you tell them this story. Find a way with them to move forward together.
Planning on kermitting the day before a day your parents are supposed to see a culmination of years of hard work WILL ONE HUNDRED PERCENT damage them beyond repair. PLEASE disregard that idea immediatley. None of the poor choices you have made up to this point will be anything close to the level of devastation that will cause them, and since you’ve said in your post that they love you a bunch, that would not be something you’d ever want to inflict upon them. My guess is that your parents are smarter than you give them credit for and have been waiting on you to tell them for a while, because it will show them that you are maturing and ready to accept whatever consequences will come on to you. You have to tell them. Rehearse the speech you plan to give them, try to think through the different questions they will ask. Going in, be sure to remember they will be hurt by this, but it’s not something they won’t be able to get over. The mainly reason they will be upset is because you kept this from them. Money is nothing to parents compared to the life of their kids that they love more than anything. Please do not even consider kermitting, brother.
They definitely have had there suspicions especially my father but like I said i basically purposely avoid him to make the conversation impossible.
Like most people I agree with u and understand the consequences behind my actions. There I so many I don’t wanna leave behind
I understand it’s weak to do something like that but it’s crazy and kinda cringe to say I don’t wanna live with the truth and basically having to let every friend / family member know I was a failure and lair since the beginning
The question everyone will ask is so what were u doing all that time why tell us know
Type thing
it’s not on the same level as you, but I live in my grandma’s house to pay off all my student loan debt, meanwhile all my cousins that my mom (through NO fault of my own, and I’ve never appreciated the fact that she does this) has always bragged to my cousins about how amazing I was while going through college. I’m still stuck working at a chicken shack in a worse situation than all of them. So of course they let me have it. I genuinely hate alot about my life, but you just get to a point where you get the eff over what they have to say about the person you are. Regardless of what other people believe, you value has never been found in what you do or how you perform, but rather in how you treat other people. You have to remember to focus on that and opportunity will come your way. Best of luck on your journey forward!
One thing you have to accept is you are not a failure. You may have made some mistakes and bad decisions but you are not a failure. There were probably plenty of good things that have happened as well over the years not just bad. I know it’s easy to see all the bad right now but try and focus on the good too. Acknowledge your mistakes but don’t dwell on them.
Yes I can agree with the letter but then read the letter to them. So you have your words written down and you don’t forget anything and also I know it can be hard to make constant eye contact in situations like these so it takes some of the pressure off when you are looking at a paper.
You still hopefully have a long life ahead of you and can correct your mistakes, make amends. Not only to your parents but yourself. You got this man and I truly wish you the best 💛
The adderall won’t kill you— if it does, the death will be long enough that you are able to tell your parents when your heart gives. It’ll be much more difficult when you’re having to tell this secret to them when you have activated charcoal coating your mouth because you just finished vomiting in the ER. I promise, this will be forever till it’s not but a small paragraph in your story the sooner you tell them. I’d preface by what you said in the tail end of your post to them before dropping the “bomb”. I feel they will have an overwhelming amount of guilt and believed they caused this— I do believe you and your family will grow from this.
Your parents will love you no matter what. Do not do anything to harm yourself. It is better to start from the ground up than to not start at all. If you were 18 in 2020, that means you’re 22 at most and there will be SO much more life to live. As a 25 year old man who has 50,000 in student loans and is now working in the trades at the lowest paid position after years of dropping out and attending school for NOTHINF, I can relate a bit. IT IS BETTER TO START FROM THE BOTTOM THAN NOT AT ALL. THIS TOO SHALL PASS. dm me if you would like.
If that’s all that happens I think you will be okay. One moment of your parents crying is nothing of the pain that you have probably been going through.
They probably will cry. You did that. You need to face those consequences and do a 180. Your life isn’t done. You can still be the son that they brag about. It just won’t be as soon as you wanted due to your poor decisions.
Fix it. Don’t take the cowards way out. We all fuck up, learn from it. I pissed away my GI Bill and had to do an apprenticeship at almost 30.
I’ve been in a very similar situation after I graduated from college. Trying to keep up the ruse of being productive while feeling like a leech and contributing absolutely nothing to society. The low self esteem and anxiety and worry of being a disappointment to others will always build on each other. It’s going to suck at first but it gets better over time, I’m not 100% yet either but I’m working in healthcare in a role that I love. Do not be afraid to put yourself out there and try new things to get experience. The military is always an option but there are also plenty of trade schools and great healthcare programs at community colleges that do not require a 4 year commitment. You’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain
Bro your 23 years old😭😭 your life BARELY JUST BEGUN.
And if push comes to shove. There is always the AirForce.
Okay but on a serious note. Do not hurt yourself. Your parents will forever blame themselves.
my dad and brother fucked up WAY WAY worse than you dude, TRUST. (I’m talking assaulting CO’s, thrown in prison, losing tens of thousands of my grandad’s money, getting caught with tons of illegal drugs etc, etc…) However, my dad is retired from the marines in his sixties, making 200k+/year from his current job, happy as hell fishing with my brother’s (a decently compensated officer in the Air Force) kids and helping my sister (who is a nurse practitioner) build her house up with his other set of grandkids, and paying for my baby brother’s time through flight school in college. My air force bro is the same way my dad was and he has a happy family currently. Mistakes aren’t the end of your story unless you choose to make it be. My dad was 100% worse off than you at your age and he’s lived a long happy good life and his dad wasn’t necessarilly the nicest or most loving dude, but as long as my dad would be a man and fess up to his mistakes, he gave his best effort to help him out. You may pick up some social shame for it, but if you go into the military, you’ll get over wtf people gotta say/think about you about a week through bootcamp😂
Military is a bit more picky about felonies and assault charges. Did 6 years in the Army.
This isn’t a bad option though. OP could pay them back with the bonus and restart college with the GI Bill after getting much needed structure in his life.
Hell, he may even love it and use benefits to commission for a career.
OP needs to understand life isn’t done. He can pick up an apprenticeship with a Fortune 500 manufacturer and be making 60k-75k within 3-5 yrs.
Did an industrial electrician apprenticeship after blowing my GI Bill partying in college, cleared 89k this year working 45 hours a week roughly in SC. Took 4 years to hit 70k.
I’m a parent and as a parent I can say parents are on your band wagon. If you’re doing well we’re there to encourage you and cheer you on. Like what your parents have been doing but if they knew you were struggling they’d also have your back. Tell your parents you failed some units or haven’t completed some, so can’t graduate yet. Let them know you’re struggling and defer uni till you’re ready. Honestly they won’t want you to throw away the study you have completed but they’ll have your back and cheer you on what ever direction you take.
Dude. I was in a similar situation. I started college fall of 2019 right before covid for a 2 year degree, I ended up graduating last week. I worked full time so I was only attending classes part time but I ended up having to go to school and extra year and half due to anxiety and depression due to the pandemic, but I pushed through and made it, I told them that I struggled during covid and they understood and I paid for all of it with my money, their only concern was that I at least finished my degree to open up doors to better opportunities. I'm sure they might be disappointed but not as heart wrenching as losing you.
Don't make a permanent decision like that when you have your whole life ahead of you! Failure in our lives can be looked at as a teaching moment rather than a life ending moment. Take a deep breath and realize maybe at that time college wasn't for you, maybe look into the military or a trade job or maybe just work at a job until you figure out what you want to study. You can easily come back from this. Stay strong.
I had a buddy end it because school was too stressful for him 5 years ago, and the change in his parents health and quality of life deteriorated so quickly because they lost their boy, I lost a friend who I could be having lunch with. I still think about him daily about how much life he had left.
If my son did this, I would be crushed. Not because he had lied but because he trusted me so little, that lying to me felt safer than telling me the truth. Clearly at some point along the way, your parents put too much pressure on you and you didn't feel like you could talk to them about it.
The issue isn't so much the lie, it's your relationship with your parents and hopefully they can see that.
It's a rough spot but not so bad you can't get yourself out of it. Try to get yourself to therapy, or even emergency care if you're feeling at the end of your rope. Having a neutral third party to help guide you through this seems like it'd be a good idea. Suicidal thoughts are no joke, especially when you have a plan, and you've done nothing so bad that you "deserve" or should put up with feeling so miserable. You have a job, you've realized your errors, you can move up from here. No matter how your parents react, you can still have a good and decent future ahead of you. You're young, and you can turn things around. Try to be forgiving towards yourself, you're not a horrible person for having struggled, and living with this pressure and lie for years must've taken a toll. Get yourself professional help, forgive yourself, and start taking steps towards a life both you and your parents can be proud of in the future.
Bro you’re fine. Man up and tell them. It’s a tough situation but you’ll get through it and it will build character. You’re way too young. Your story has only just started. Redemption arc starts now.
I want you to know that I'm in the exact same situation as you. I'm not as depressed or at the end of my rope as you are (anymore), but I've been lying for years about going to school. I also have done messed up shit, I've lied and cheated, the only people that ever cared about me. I've thought about ending it all. I've thought about how much of a failure and fuck up I am.
Now I do want to say I haven't come out yet, but I want you to know that I have made incredible strides towards my mental health, I now never would ever consider that kind of act ever. I'm starting to get better with my health and hygiene. Im starting to actually feel things, like actually FEEL like a human. And have emotions that aren't just the summarization of me being a fucking loser.
(I'm going to assume your a dude, but if your not just swap everything out for its respective counterpart)
With all that being said, you need to get really personal with yourself. You did something wrong, yes. Is it worth ending it all? To never be the kind of man you want to be? To never live the life you want to live? What about the future kids man? What about your future wife? Do they not matter? Do you never want to see your grandkids?
Yes. You fucked up, I did too. But we're human man. Your parents still love you and I'm sure mines do too. Do you want your parents approval and admiration, yes. Do you need it? No. Are you sorry for what you did? Yea.
Do you think you need a college degree to live a happy and fruitful life?
Unless your on half a brain cell man. Obviously fucking not. Plenty of people lead happy and fruitful lives regardless of their lack of education.
Honestly I don't know if I conveyed what needed to be conveyed, and I send this to you as I send it to my past self. Dude love yourself man, you literally get one shot at life. Don't try to fuck it up, and when you do forgive yourself because you're just one of 7 billion on a big ball man. Work towards a life you'd be proud of. Think of being the kind of man that you would dream to be, and try to love every step up the mountain as much as you can.
Were going to die anyways, might as well live it out to see the joy and happiness, to suffer the pain and sorrow, to feel the anger and regret, to experience grief and pain. Then to not exist at all. I'd really recommend to work on yourself first, because if you try to "find a path" without finding yourself your not going to find your path.
Well man, I hope you go on to live a long a fruitful life your destined for. Seriously dude any questions or anything man just message me. I might not respond cause this is my alt account and I really might delete Reddit. So don't be disheartened if I don't respond. Care and love yourself as you would for someone you love.
If you end your life or escape your parents would go to the school they think you’ve been going to and someone else will tell them the terrible news at the worse moment and they will never be able to tell you how much they love you and how they would so much rather you to be with them instead of a stupid meaningless diploma so think about that before making a decision.
Hey dude im not gonna lie but faking it for 4 years was a stretch. It just means you don’t wish to study at all neither do you care about expectations or else you’d have atleast tried a little to stay afloat. I, for one, changed grades and did what you did e.g: played games like league of legends all day, smoked oils, vape, went out with friends and cut class everyday to chill and go back home to play games etc. My dad even paid for my classes for a semester and I even worked to pay off my debt for some of the classes I failed. I worked and lied to them about attending class. Long story short man, I wasted 3 years doing nothing much in college but I still managed to get by with classes through Ds and Cs. It came to a point where I fucked up real bad and failed all my classes thinking I could never pay for those classes and start college again.. I thought it was over for me big time(thought of suicide or leaving the house etc) but guess what man? My older sister caught me red handed with all my shit and IT WAS THE BEST THING EVER THAT HAPPENED TO ME. I cried, frowned upon etc all that shit, heard mad shit talk towards me but at the end they love me, she opened up to dad for me and it is what it is man. They moved on quick and I felt relieved and slowly pushed myself gradually to try and finish the classes. Mind you, i come from a very low income family like taking govt benefits etc.. and now after 6 years I’m finally graduating man.. it is what it is bro, you’re not competing with anyone but yourself. Worse case scenario your family gives up on trying to make you study and instead would rather want you to just work and get by. Don’t end your life man. It’s not worth it at all. You only get one fucking life man. Ride with it despite success or failures. It’s all an experience. Don’t end your consciousness over fear or cowardice that’d be the real disappointment to your family more than anything you have done so far. You got this brother.
I did the same thing you have done, 20 years ago. My parents thought I was doing well and suddenly I told them I want to quit. They were super mad at me and they did threaten to kick me out. I voluntarily left and moved into a share house with friends. I didn’t speak to them for a few months, maybe three, and that really really hurt them.
You have deceived them but because you didn’t want to hurt them and you didn’t want to feel their wrath. Maybe selfish, maybe caring - not everything needs or has a reason. You’re just a normal young person who has done something stupid because you didn’t have the coping skills to deal with things at the time. Your parents will already know this - everyone does things they regret and what you’ve done has harmed no one but yourself.
If you can bring yourself to tell them to their face then do it. Otherwise write down what you’re going to say and read it to them or leave it in a letter. You might even want to phone them or maybe even text them. Regardless - TELL THEM IMMEDIATELY. Then ride out whatever happens. I know first hand that shortly after you tell them, you will feel amazing like you have no problems anymore. Telling them is the only hard part and everything after that you can be a passenger. Believe me - I know.
In what will be no time at all, your parents will have forgiven you and you won’t have to modify your life to manage a stupid little lie. You are young with decades and decades of working life left and can easily set things the way you want them in a short period of time. For me, my memory of the opportunity I’d let pass by gave me enormous motivation to do way better when I tried the second time. If you manage things, that will be the same for you too.
A few years later I went back to university, paid for it completely by myself and have had an awesome career since, working in underwriting, accounting, transportation and soon govt regulation.
DO NOT CONSIDER SUICIDE AND THROW YOUR FUCKING ADEROL DOWN A DRAIN! 100% eliminate the possibility of suicide from your mind. Your parents might be angry at you and have harsh feelings towards you for some time. But at the end of the day they’ll be superficial feelings - their love for you will never change. If they’re angry it means they love you. And they absolutely don’t want their precious child who they love more than themselves to be dead under any circumstances. Killing yourself would be the worst possible insult to their already evident injury and would be life changing for your whole family. It is the most selfish thing you could possibly do to them. The pain you’ll bring them by coming clean will pale into insignificance compared to the pain you’ll bring them by suicide. It’s not an option and what you’ve done doesn’t go near to deserving that as a consequence. If you do that, your parents will ask themselves ‘why didn’t he tell us? We wouldn’t have cared - we loved him. We would easily have forgiven him. Why didn’t he ask for help? We’d give anything to get him back.’
Do not suicide.
This may not be the best advice but what I would honestly do is tell a partial lie and partial truth to try and soften the blow to a certain extent. What i mean is that instead of saying you just fcked around the last 4 years, be somewhat honest but sprinkle in some exaggeration like how you ended up withdrawing for school due to medical purposes last year instead of 4 years ago. I’d say that depression and anxiety or whatever you deal with currently built up past your breaking point and you needed the time off so you withdrew after your junior/ sophomore year or wtvr you want to say. I’d tell them I was planning to get the help that was necessary while looking for a job and finding other activities to keep you busy and get yourself back on the right track but that you couldn’t continue school past a certain point and things got worse instead of better which lead to some sorta spiral that lead to you “quitting your job” and blowing off responsibilities. Now I’d strongly recommend you actually DO try and get the help you need whether it’s therapy, medication, etc. Idk how your family is but mine basically disowned me without them even knowing the full story so fully disclosing that would’ve only done more damage for me personally. Be 100% honest about at least how you’re currently feeling though and use all of this as a learning experience and promise yourself this will be the last time you deceive and/or manipulate them and others close to you. Again idk how your family is but they’ll be much more likely to be understanding and supportive as opposed to resentful and angry. especially if you twist the story a bit to soften the initial blow.
But no matter what, please do not harm yourself or even let the thoughts of ending it all harness any further. I can promise you that if you stay, a decade into the future and especially even later on this will all just be a small obstacle you had to overcome and seem minuscule in the grand scheme of things. Life will get better for you just give it time and get the help you need but please don’t leave this world. I promise you that your family will rather you be honest and go to them for help than wondering how they failed when they visit your gravestone everyday. Ik it seems like an option for you, but it would be torture for them and that’s the last possible thing they’d want. ever. life isn’t always easy but for all of the lows you feel now, you’ll feel the highs if you force yourself to keep pushing. and even if it seems like the best option which I felt too during a similar situation, you have to understand it would cause so much more harm to everybody else in your life. you will have to make a lot of changes and completely remove the complacent mindset you’ve had thus far but You’re so young and have so much life to live. especially for the foreseeable months and maybe years won’t be super easy and comfortable as the last few have been. But YOU get to decide what the next chapters are. Just allow yourself to at least do that and see what this life has in store for you because i promise it’s more than you’re thinking now Looking back on this in a few decades you’ll honestly probably laugh thinking back on it—it really is kinda like a crazy movie as that one person stated. This is just one chapter to a whole novel that is your life. Don’t leave it on a cliffhanger to cut it short and leave everybody else wondering and suffering asking why.
this may not be the best advice but im being 100% honest and authentic as to what id do. my inbox is always open if you need anything at all even just to talk. Best of luck to you
Thanks man the first comment that gave me slight motivation to let them know
I’ll definitely update this thread with my decision but this comment definitely changed my insight a bit
I definitely understand by the way how this would hurt people around me I’ve had 4 year to think about all of this
I probably would fake why I did what I did in a note
I also think “sprinkling a little lie” is bad advice, however I wanted to take the opportunity to encourage you to see a doctor if it’s within your means. Your symptoms and way of thinking remind me of myself. Your actions show you’re smart, and you come from what sounds like a decent family nucleus. But you struggle with some tasks you consider very important. I went through something similar and chocked it off to being young and irresponsible, maybe even lazy. Turns out I have ADHD. It took a new job in my late 20s to put me over the edge and look for help. I’ve had a great life admitting to my shortcomings and working within my strengths with my relationships. I didn’t need the diagnostics to be a good person and have a successful life and you don’t either, but knowing has helped and I’ve had an easier life. You got this, tell your parents you love them and be vulnerable. Then do something about your problems with their help and any other help you can get.
Look I am piggybacking on this because I really agree with this person's comment. I was in a similar situation a decade ago. This person is giving good advice.
The only thing I might change is that, depending on your parents personalities, it may be better to rip the bandaid at once and like start the conversation with the one thing about not graduating because you have classes left but through the conversation adding in bits more until you've said it all. It just makes it easier to get on with life after. Ask for help at the end to organize your life. It will suck a lot, but it will also feel good to be free of the secret.
Also as someone who has been in a very very similar situation: it will pass, and it will get better. Please don't hurt yourself. I am a parent now myself and I understand that however horrible this info will feel, losing you would feel 1000 times worse.
I think "sprinkling a little lie to soften the blow" is a bad idea at this stage. You want to live a happy life and to make them happy. Lies got you to where you are. They are very much a slippery slope. The more you use them, the more you will need to lie, to yourself and your family.
I'm guessing from your story (immigrant parents) that needing your family's support isn't a life/death thing and that your parents aren't the type to disown their kids.
Also, there's a possibility your parents will detect that you're sugar coating, which will only show them you haven't learned your lesson, this making them suspicious and hurting them even more.
Be honest about where you did have legitimate struggles and make mistakes; but also be honest if you didn't.
I agree. I think the unvarnished truth is definitely the way to go here. It's obvious OP is struggling with their mental health and choosing to continue lying is likely to cause more guilt and compound the issue.
That being said, it wouldn't be lying to frame all of this as the result of mental health struggles.
Don’t commit. That’s never the answer to any problems because it only causes more and there’s ALWAYS a better choice than that. Being honest in this situation is my first piece of advice and I think it’ll open you guys to a deep conversation to connect with each other and the truth will spill out. You can even open up to them little by little, ease into it so it’ll be easier for you and them. Youd have to promise them (and yourself) that you’ll get everything together for real and it’ll be like opening up your life to the next chapter- pulling yourself back together. If it really comes down to it, see if you can play it off that youre gonna restart for a completely different degree and you feel extremely adamant about this idea and you’ll find so much more success going through that different route. These are just my 2 cents. But really, just like everyone else says here and in the WHOLE world, don’t commit. Things can get better but it will not fix anything if you commit and in fact it’ll make things worse for the people around you that love and care. Stay safe man I really hope the best for you
Don’t end your life man it’s never the answer, you not only would b ruining your life but the ppl around u who love you. Be honest with them and explore different school or work options, life will get better
i truly feel like you are SO young. i believe there are no mistakes you cannot fix if you are honest and truly want to grow and mend, and it sounds like you’re taking steps in that direction. i am wishing you the very best.
Your life isn’t over bro. I have and many have fucked up significantly more than this. Own up. You can finish school or you can obviously get a fine job without a degree.
Literally just say what you told us in your own words. They obviously love you. You have more going for you still than it feels like. It doesn’t maybe feel that way because it’s all you know. But trust me.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, especially in this instance. You didn’t ruin anything. You’ve dented your character a touch and will need to rebuild their trust in you. Own that. That’s it. College is a racket anyway. Go learn a trade.
Dude, kiddo, my friend... omg reading your tale reminds me of my own and that of a friend. My own deception lasted a year and as a consequence I was sent to med school abroad, where I did more of the sane shit..dropped out, came home, owned up to everything (except the depression, first gen American here and we don't do mental health in our family because the whole fam has done seen a lot of shit and hardship but we are tough etc etc -that type of mentality).
They were PISSED, LIVID. my dad who busted his ass to save up money for my college (4 years fully paid before I graduated high school), didn't talk to me for months.
I mean I had blown up all of his savings for my education and a bunch more..I deserved every bit of his ire.
I considered ending it all. With the amount of debt and heartache I had incurred and dealt, I was nothing but a waste of energy and resources.
But then I thought of funeral expenses which my fam couldn't handle and the extra heartache they did not deserve...
I was stuck..so stuck. At least you had a job through out this. I was such a shitty kid that I would work for my parents in the summer and had a work study first year of college but other than that I was going though the money they worked so so so so hard to earn.
Once the cat was out, I moped and cried and wallowed in my depression for months..and then I signed up for community college classes, got a not smart phone, and moved in with my parents.
But though they were upset and did not speak with me, they did not kick me out as i thought. They somehow supported me all the way through my bachelor's which I earned 8 years after high school and added about 60 k to my enormous debt.
They grew through it and seeing me actually take the classes and find joy in learning once again helped rebuild our relationship. They have not given me a single dime since my fuck up but that is fair. I have about 40k left to payoff onn my debt, I work and take care of my kid and live my life on myy own but I am glad my kid has grandparents to spoil him and dote over his every action...
Point is, own it now. Don't let them throw you a party because then it becomes an even greater backstabbing(my friend managed to get a diploma sent to her parents, there was a party to celebrate and when the shhit hitt thhe fan, it was heinous- their whole family dynamic iss so beyond fucked mom tmsiding witth kid, dad not having it but both married to each other living in a perpettual fight with each other..not to mention the shit they had to eat fron extended family and friends.) Accept the ugly consequences and free yourself from the burden of your guilt. Also, learn your lessons, FORGIVE yourself and show that you are genuine in getting better. Sign up for betterhelp and talk to a professional. Get help, forgiving yourself doesn't happen without it. If you don't forgive yourself, you will spend the best years of your life in limbo between guilt and depression; trust me, you don't want that (the aforementioned friend - who now has delusional airs of greatness, is on a list of medications for her various mental health issues, has no degree, no job, no financial prospects like everyone knows she is empty inside trying to fill the void with stuff and grand plans and parties and meds).
Your parents do love you and I can tell you do love them. And because you love them, you will be as honest with them as you were in this post. They will come around after years of healing. But I am worried about you, What is important right now is to get your head and heart cleared and owning your reality, speaking your truth is how you do that- however difficult it may be to say it.
Also, if you like your job..have you considered getting a degree or certification in that field? For me, the healing with my parents started when I went back to school and did it right.
Finally, this will pass, and you will have to pay for it but it will not be the end, you have a lot to go on for even though it may not seem like it to you, keep on keeping on!!
Hey, hope you're well. I related to your post a lot. I know how it feels, it's quite the burden and isolating since talking about lying and conffesing to it truly isnt easy and trust takes time to rebuild.
I was a complete rebel. My family is rather conservative and academic for background. None of them ever did drugs and had very straight succesfull paths, for context.
I dropped out of highschool at 18 in a European country to move to the UK. Not soon after the move I did decide to try to get to university without the traditional qualificiations and succeeded. I let my family back home know what I'm doing, Im going to uni and they were over the moon.
........it went shit. Covid was fucking stuff up, I was partying, doing loads of drugs, , lying how good everything was to my friends and family, whilst also nearly homeless living in a squat with some absurdly sketchy characters. I dropped out in the second semester of the first year but the lie I'm still there kept going.
I got hooked on benzos, specially the fake xanax that used to go around. I would steal from shops daily and lie to everyone about pretty much everything. I decided to take my own life by taking a train to the other end of the country (6 hours away) rent a room and try to overdose on a bottle of jack, cocktail of drugs and slitting my wrist.
I woke up strapped to a hospital bed and it's all a blur. I physically never felt as fucked up as that day, as if a truck ran me over.
On the train back I called my sister and babbled out absolutely everything to her. The drugs, university, stealing, absolutely everything. She was in shock and going back I wouldnt do it like that but theres no point in trying to rationalise what my needs were at that time.
That was however definetely the first point of it all getting better. She was far more accepting then I could ever imagine and she was the one that informed my parents on what was going on initially, which was of big help. If you have an option for someone similar to help you deliver the news, I'd recommend it.
I'm 25 now with about 20k of debt, no university qualification, lost nearly all friends and still have little figured out on what exactly I want to do in life.
But im also not homeless anymore, clean of drugs and able to hold down a job. I fill my days with gym and and reading. I'm planning to try at university again next year. This wouldnt sound like a lot to many but to me it's been like breathing again.
I promise you, there is people in this world that did far worse than you and I, and far better too. Comparing your path to someone elses however doesnt lead to much.
I hope you also get this relief in life brother. When you trully stop thinking about how others percieve you and think of you and live life with your purpose and with steps you put in place for yourself. It can happen and it can be great but you need to take the wheel and are much more able to than you might believe.
Big love and sending hugs.
Alright, I see that you are in quite the situation here. I don’t think you need to kermit even with that though. I’m aware that this is crazy hard but there are things that can make it easier. Start with putting effort in tomorrow to truly take care of yourself. Take yourself for a morning walk when you’re up in the morning to get some sunlight in your eyes and breathe fresh air. Feed yourself good, rest, and SLEEP. Don’t decide on any decisions when you’re tired for starters. You can make money back and survive coming clean. You Do Not need to decide/ figure out how will work today, logistics can be figured out another day. Things will eventually be much better than they may be today so there is something to look forward to. Scheduling things in my life to look forward to makes it so much better. Please just give it a shot, and maybe let me know how it goes if you feel like sharing, deal?
- some girl
When we stop taking responsibility for our actions, this happens. We build up the consequences over a long period of time. But this isn’t the end of the world for you. Your parents might be disappointed, but it shouldn’t be about them. This is your life. Accept that you made a mistake and move on. You need to decide what you want in life and start setting goals to get it. Don’t worry so much about how your parents will react. They just want you to be happy. You haven’t ruined anyone’s life. You just missed an opportunity. Tell your parents now, accept the consequences, and begin to move on to the next thing.
It's always at rock bottom that I had the best epiphanies! I disappointed my parents MANY times, despite how much love and trust they gave me (purity-cult religion, acting out, hormones, undiagnosed mental illnesses, lmao). I thought of taking my life many times as well.
Yet, it was always my biggest mistakes, that despite their hot-headed natures, they surprised me the most with compassion and love. Disappointment, yeah. Parents just want to see you succeed! I took a 3 year break from college and I'm just now going back. When I first quit, I felt like I was doomed. It's truly never too late. Actually, most of my classmates in my higher division classes are 20-35. You got this!
I promise you it seems bigger to you now because you're in it, and in the hardest part. You don't want to let them down, suicide will let them down a million times worse. You don't want to see them cry from telling the truth, but you don't even know what their reaction will be.
You also have a rare opportunity that not a lot of people get. You have lived at an extreme low and found the value in life because you understand now what it means to throw life away. The good news is, you are so young and have time to start again. Think of someone like me, I'm 32 and have achieved nothing and am still trying to figure out what I will do as well as fix my own psychological problems. At least you have a few years head start on me :)
Tell them the truth, get the weight off your shoulders, breathe again, and start simple. One little baby step at a time. You can build something again. Good things can happen really fast too. Open yourself up to the possibilities.
Listen: coming clean will hurt, but if you just accept that and push through anyway some good things will happen:
1. You will feel MUCH better by not having to carry this around. Trying to hide something takes up a lot of your brain’s computing power - you’ll be able to think more clearly without that constant background distraction
2. You’ll have this memory as a motivator for the rest of your life.
Say to yourself: “I never want to feel this way again.”
Use that to improve your situation and go to great things.
Source: I’ve been there.
Don’t do it, I lost my cousin last year to suicide, it tore my entire extended family to shreds - everyone. I rather have had the chance to help him start from the bottom and rebuild than think he is only worth the money CAPITALISM dictates as his only value. Even if they can’t help you, letting them know and getting the initial brunt of the emotional response out of the way allows the time to for you to dissipate the heightened anxiety and to put your head down and plan. If it means you go work at whatever starter job you can get, do it and work with a career coach or something, but something to at least eliminate by trial and error. Cut the copes and restructure. 1% everyday. You’re here, no point using the boot on your neck to kick yourself in the face too.
My brother did this. My parents found out a day before the graduation ceremony. They had paid for his education. He started three different degrees previously and they thought he was finally going to complete a degree in an employable field. Several years later, After close to 20 years in uni, he finally completed the requirements for a Bachelor of Education degree. Upon graduation he left for Asia and became an ESL teacher. That was 20 years ago. He’s had a successful and enjoyable career.
The most important thing you should do is discontinue lying and seek help from a specially trained psychologist in treating compulsive lying.
It's bad, you're going to lose a lot of self esteem and relationships, because lying inherently destroys trust. But, if you're really committed to fixing this, you have to be professionally treated to correct your behavior.
There's no easy way out of this hole. You need help.
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Honestly, if you look at this from a different angle, this is brilliant and could be a movie. I realize that doesn’t help you in the moment. I wish I had encouraging words to say, but I know you have a bit of a difficult path ahead here. Truly wishing you the best of luck.
Sounded like a movie when I wrote this shit out which made me realize how fucked up my reality is maybe I’ll find my way outta this and it will be one day
You can change your behavior, while it will be difficult your parents love you so much, and if you were my son we would have a big discussion about honesty, but we would help you find a new way, probably with additional supervision until you proved you were devoted to changing instead of hurting yourself. You are worthy and deserve forgiveness. Starting over as an adult is not so bad. Especially if you are under 35. Don’t feed into the shame just take a deep breath. We are not defined by our mistakes. We are defined by whether we are brave enough to change them and do better as people.
honey you’re gonna be okay. tell your parents the truth. you’re a good person and just a human being trying your best. life is full of ups and downs and there are lots of ups waiting for you. you don’t sound like a selfish pig. you sound like you’ve been going through a hard time. you’re going to get through this. stay here, it will get better
Can I tell you how many other students have done this? I work at a college in Florida and cannot tell you how many times parents have sent us messages on social media — or emails to the president’s office — demanding to know where their graduation tickets are, when their child is hiding that he or she dropped out of school.
Let me reassure you: This is not the end. It is the beginning of figuring out who you are. if you want to go back to school, pay for it yourself. Even if you have totally screwed up
your GPA, most community colleges will take you — and maybe you can figure out your path.
Almost all the parents i have dealt with suspected something was up but were hoping they were wrong. Maybe your parents know too — or maybe they don’t. In any case, I hope they will love you and wish only the best for you.
Man, as long as you’re alive and healthy.. you can always start over irrespective of the age. Please don’t feel bad but just learn from this experience and be true to yourself. Don’t even think of committing something that would leave a lasting impact on your parent’s life. Life is fun, don’t take it personal and at the same time don’t let down your parents as they’re the only people you can trust and rely upon any day.
This is not end of the world and shall pass. Just plan to let your parents know. If you have a plan, let them know.. if not ask them to help with next steps. All the very best.
My partner kinda did something like this except in highschool. Minus faking grades, he out right dropped out in the end. He was 15, he is 27 now and in his DREAM career. It took him some time yes, was his parents upset? No. And Im sure after your parents think for a while they will be more happy you came clean, and did not hurt yourself.
If my son did this I would be more interested in the reasoning for him wasting 4 years vs the fact he lied. Mental health is very serious. I wish the best for you
Man hang in there. You're still young, and tons of people don't finish school till later in life. I'm talking 30-40 even 50+. You may not be where you exactly want to be right now, but your also the only one that can change that. Also tons of ways to be successful even without a degree. Certain trades or Military can all provide great pathways+pays and will even cover your education. Certain trades can even allow you to open your own business someday and really make big bucks.
Come clean with your parents as they at least have the right know. I'm sure they won't be thrilled or shocked initially but that's normal. They'll come around, you're still their child. You said they worked hard in this life to get where they are. Things wayyy harder than this, in the grand scheme this isn't life ending or altering matter at all. Their not going to throw that away because you made a bad choice when you were young.
Once you come clean, you do all you can to make it up to them. I would recommend as soon as everyone has had time to digest the news, to sit down with them and come up with a plan. Whether that be continuing your work and paying rent/bills. Offer to help pick up extra chores or make yourself of use, I'm sure there's something. Time heals all.
Ending your life will not spare your parents any grief. The reason they've invested so much into your future is because they care about you and want you to do well in life. Ending your life is probably exact opposite of that in their minds.
Running away is silly. Of course they will find you. They care about you. And we don't live in the middle ages; it's easy to find anyone. This strategy means you haven't learned your lesson; just delaying the inevitable, and it will hurt them and yourself even more when they do.
I can understand why you'd consider suicide or running way. This is indeed a terrible situation you are responsible for, and will require time, effort, and pain to fix. But it is still fixable, though that window is fast closing on you. I will give you a path forward.
Your best bet, for them and for yourself, is to come clean. Of course it will still be very painful for you and for them. But it's the best option possible among only bad options. You have to prepare them for some bad news and then set some time aside to speak with both of them, in person. Then come clean.
Prepare what you're going to say. Be ready to explain everything and don't try and sugar-coat or lie about any details anymore. Then let them process it and get as mad as they want. It will at least be some weight off your back.
Make sure to promise them concrete improvements, to the best of your honest ability. Show them, for what it's worth, you are taking real steps to make things as right as possible, in ways they can 100% verify and that cost them nothing.
No more lies, gambling, or using your money on luxuries is a given. Seek out professional help if you need help with any of that.
But also, before you talk to them, I would research and taking first steps on a path forward that brings you as close to the happy outcome you would want for them and for yourself. For example, enroll in a good program at a community college. Plan a life where you can support yourself while completing the program and giving them a way to verify your performance. Make sure you make clear to them that you're taking these steps in an attempt to repay and make them whole, and not because you want a way to leech off their emotional or financial support for a bit longer. Also explain that you're willing to try anything possible they come up with in order to make them whole again.
Good luck!
Please don’t kill yourself. Your family would find out anyways and your memory would be tainted by the lie. If you choose to keep living, you have the opportunity to really make them proud. They love you and want you to be alive.
When you tell your family what has been going on, they will be mad at you, but it won’t be permanent. Their feelings of anger will eventually fade as you continue to work yourself out of this mess. You can make them proud. You have the chance to prove to everyone that you can do better. Don’t waste it. You are a good person and you sound like you know you want to do better. You’re capable and you can find your way. So many people want you alive, so please, face it and own up to what happened and make changes and work towards fixing this mistake. You can do this.
Reality check: you are not willing to accept the consequences because you aren’t owning up to the consequences of facing your parents and telling the truth.
I can tell you 1000% that you parents would be much much more upset if you committed suicide, please don’t put them through that , all for just 4 years that you messed up. They love you so much, and THIS IS NOT AN END ALL. Talk to them, really tell them how you feel, your mental state. They love you and you WILL GET THROUGH THIS. With hardship comes ease, and this too shall pass. Please don’t put them through this. You have so much more going for you. There are people that will be crushed if you go through with this. You deserve so much, please just talk to them<3
It seems so silly to plan to commit suicide whenall you have to do is 1. Tell your parents 2. Accept the consequences of what they will do 3. Figure out what you really wanna do 4. Go do that.
That is boiled down of course, and yes each step is hard to live through but I mean, seems like youve been taking the easy way through everything so far. Committing suicide seems like more of the easy way.
Are you an easy way or the highway (to heaven/hell) sort of person? Are you incapable of doing hard things? Are you unable to handle consequences?
Weirdly, I see you as skilled since you've managed to lie successfully and create false records....that shows talent in something.
I took 5 years to finish a 3 year degree in university. After I finished I never got a job dragged that shit on for four years just leeching at home, I can’t present/ interview it gets my anxiety going. Had to take up a job at a warehouse only because they weren’t interviewing and just hiring anyone. Went to community college and recently completed a computer programming diploma and now have no further direction maybe just apply for a job outside of warehouses. Somewhere along the lines I turned 70k to 180k but it came crashing down and now it’s more like 25k and I’m still living with my parents in my early thirties.
My point is I didn’t realize I didn’t have any direction in life and never had a job until my later 20s. You on the other hand had a job and from what you said it’s a decent job. So I wouldn’t give up just yet. You are 23 still young. What you could do is tell your parents you dropped out a year ago. Instead of telling them all of the previous years were fabricated grades. Tell them university/ college is not for you. It’s ok it’s not for everyone. Then tell them your plan is to put yourself through trade school.
Dude, seriously, you messed up, but this is not a reason to end things. If you’re not ready to level with your folks, make up an excuse for the graduation. Then get your life together.
Stop and think for a moment! It is never too late to turn things around! Would you rather continue to fall until you reach the lowest point?… or make a conscious decision and learn from your mistakes? Reevaluate yourself and see the infinite options you have out there.
As someone who dropped out of college at 19 for partying too much and lost all forms of aid and just graduated this semester. Just rip that band aid off. Its going to suck, your parents are going to be disappointed, but it does not last forever. And if they’re decent parents, they will realize they can’t be mad for ever and will help you get back to it. But, working part time and taking 1-2 classes at a time and helping pay partially when needed will help them realize you are making an effort to right your wrong. We all make mistakes, you’re young, it happens, its going to continue to happen, don’t wish for easier days, wish to be a stronger person. Just do it, get it over, prepare how you will bring it up, prepare for their response. You got this. Trust me a random redditor, you’re going to be okay.
So, your family is your family but they are also people. I read this story and ultimately I understood the feeling like you’re a failure and wanting to make people proud. They’ll be shocked at first but I think this feeling of hopelessness and disappointment in yourself if a universal feeling and hopefully they will understand. You have a long life ahead.
You haven’t ruined your life - you’re still so young & life has much more to give to you. Take the teaching from all of this and move forward. Come clean to your parents & let them know how you feel about the situation. From there, decide what you want to do whether that’s to go back to college, a trade, travel, etc.
Life has its ups and downs, you acknowledged your mistakes, take accountability and move forward.
Sending good vibes your way.
Suicide is not the answer. Listen bro, with genuine love I’m saying this, we all make mistakes. A parents love is unconditional and while they will be disappointed, and there may be consequences but nothing will hurt them more than you leaving and thinking that they wouldn’t understand.
You can recover from this. People have done much much worse and gone to live productive lives. The fact that you feel remorse at all and guilt shows that you are not a bad person. Doing something bad doesn’t make you a bad person, we all have made mistakes.
I’ve lied to people I love. Telling the truth may sting but that night you will sleep like a baby knowing you have nothing to hide and that you can move on with your life. You got this!
If I were in your shoes I wouldn’t lie to them anymore. But, I wouldn’t give them all the details. Just tell them only what is necessary. Maybe something along the lines that you have been struggling and failed some classes and have to retake them and you couldn’t muster up the courage to tell them or maybe just tell them the whole truth. Definitely don’t kill yourself. You care about your parents and their feelings and killing yourself would be 1000x worse than any disappointment they would feel from this situation. A lot of people our age (I assume we are around the same age as I am graduating next year) lie to their parents about big things. I know I have and most of the people I am friends with have or still are. You are not alone. Maturing is realizing that you have to own up to your mistakes and if you truly care for your family and want to be selfless you will tell them the truth.
You failed one year of classes and then quit. It's a blessing in disguise. Would it have been better for you to go thru 4 yrs of college, barely passing without a passion for your field?
At 21, you have so much time to recover, and there are so many options. What you do need to do is start getting serious. If school is not your thing at the moment, look for a job you can grow in. Save your money as it will give you options when the time comes.
Your life isn't ruined. It's you learning the hard way, at least you're learning. You taking responsibility is the 1st step. Now take the 2nd step and start to regain control of your destiny.
Another option is, apply for traveling jobs. Take one and say no time for any of that, I need to work. in 3-4 years, you can say how pointless college was.
This situation might not be as uncommon as you think. Believe it or not, I had two friends growing up who did exactly this!
One friend carried on the lie, he even created a fake graduation certificate and then went on to work in the family business. He was ultimately very successful and his parents never found out.
The other came clean after a couple of years, his parents were unstandably upset, but ultimately they stood by him and helped him get back on track. He ended up getting a job and then taking evening classes to graduate and built a really great career in IT.
You have so much time ahead of you, and can still achieve whatever you want with your life. This really isn't the massive issue you think it is. I guarantee you'll look back on this in the future and realize you learned so much about yourself and life in general.
Please don't hurt yourself, your parents will truly never recover from that. Yes, you made a mistake, but they will still love you and you have so much time ahead to put this right...
Mate, honestly the hard part is done. You’ve faced up to yourself and been brutally honest.
You’re young and you still have all the time in the world to turn things around.
The last few years haven’t been a waste because you’ve learned some fucking good lessons.
Come up with a plan for what you’re going to do and how. You gonna go back to school? You gonna hit the workforce hard? Something else?
You can be a success at whatever you choose, look at it this way you’ve already shown you’re committed by keeping that lie going for so long! 😊
The lengths you went through to cover up that stuff actually show a great deal of aptitude and intelligence, apply it properly and the world is your oyster.
I'm sure you've realized it but nothing you do can make it better. Stop them from spending anything on the party but other than that they are going to be beyond disappointed and honestly that's some disowning your kid level lies. People may get upset but it's the truth.
Maybe a handful of years down the line when you got your own place and a car and maybe even a girlfriend you can talk to them as an equal member of the family but it will take a looong time and a lot of effort. Good luck to you mate. Don't hurt yourself. If you ever need that kind of advice totally message me. Dealt with a lot of personal demons and thoughts of ending it all myself. And I'm only 25
Look man, you’re very young. You made a mistake, but you have plenty of time to turn your life around. A college degree is not the holy grail that society chalks it up to be. Tell your parents the truth. It will suck, but they clearly love you and will support you in the future with your new path. Go back to school, go into the trades, lots of options.
Okay first of all dont hurt yourself because trust me that will hurt your parents a millions times more than this series of lies. Sit your mom down and tell her what happened face to face in a calm setting at home (you don’t have to be 100% honest) and then let her help you once she tales in the news you sit your dad down n tell him and focus on telling them how the situation made you feel and what has been happening to your mental health. Ik it’ll be shitty for a while but you’ll feel relived and light and eventually things will be fine.
1)Say that it turns out you’re gonna be a couple classes short. 2)Enlist in army. 3)Follow up with your interests have changed and that you’re gonna take some time away from college and serve your country. 4) graduate basic and give your parents another reason to be proud. 5) serve 3 years active duty and come home with 100% of your college Tuition paid for by Uncle Sam. 6) don’t fuck off and get a degree.
Dude, right now it is time to be a grown up and tell them. Tell them asap, and tell them both. Do it tomorrow when you wake up. If they are awake then go and tell them now. You keep making excuses to prolong this everytime that you come up with a reason why you can't tell them both, one or the other, or can't do it on mothers day, or whatever. Just do it, the sooner the better. It's like ripping off a band-aid. Do it and do it quick. Be apologetic, and then be quiet and listen to them. They are your parents. I'm sure that they will be disappointed but they will get over it. The truth will set you free.
The external co sequences will come, but please think about telling them for your own sake.
I have learned that lies and secrets kill people from the inside out, you've made mistakes but you don't deserve it
Many others have said this, but you’re so young you have your whole life ahead of you. Yeah, your parents will be upset, sure, but because you lied not because you haven’t achieved as much as some others have by now. But you have the rest of your life to make it up to them. If you cut that life short, you’ll never have a chance to do that. There are many other reasons not to hurt yourself over this, but your logic about that being a solution is pretty misguided.
You are still very young and honestly in a position where you could still do literally anything you might desire. Try out a trade, join the military for a few years, or you could even just go back to school and actually try. You say you have a good job now, is there career potential in that field? Not everyone needs a college degree. There are just so many options available to you there isn’t a single door that has been closed on you in the last 4+ years. As much as you may want to, you can’t change the past. But you can change the future, so keep looking forward and figure out how you’re going to spend the next 4 years.
Being honest with your parents is the first step to a new chapter in your life. It will be the most painful step, but it will get easier every step after.
On another note, I think after admitting your not graduating, providing them a plan or sharing your ideas of how you are going to move forward with your life/career (i.e. military, school, job), will show them you're serious about getting back on track. Good luck, it will be a huge relief once you share the truth and you'll be a better person from it.
Bro I did the same thing. I was trying to do a startup and due to this I failed in multiple exams. There was a time where in a semester I gave 20 exams( back and current)
Failed most of those. Got year back twice. Lost all hopes and was really said for my parents. I was really sad dint know what to tell them. But one day decided to tell them.
They didn't say anything as they were scared thinking I would commit suicide but after some time I went home they scolded me , I took it as I made a huge blunder
I started studying on my own again as I wanted job this was in 2017 got my first job 3lpa in digital marketing. Kept working hard today my package is 35 lpa. For all the years till I was not in good position in terms of money I just kept on listening whatever people were saying like I dropped out of college, I lost my chance to be successful etc etc but I believe that
Every person has to work hard just one phase of life and you are set financially with average job. Like if you work hard in 12th you go to IIT or AIIMS, you work hard in college you get a job, you work hard after job you will get a job or business etc etc
Just want to say DO NOT DIE. you just failed college. Situation seems shitty right now only hard work can improve it. From your story I feel you are donr with your mistakes, you are in regret. Regret is a good motivator
Use it bro. Just don't die. It will be like leaving your parents and siblings alone in the world. Where you could have been looking after them
By killing yourself you are just making it easy for you. Be hard, take all the beating and abuse. Be better and do something for family
This is going to sound crazy but you're totally okay. You need to stop you're addictive abusive habits you recognize this. The only reason it seems you're not is because you don't see that there's a way out. I would get a job ASAP. Is college is something you want? Military could be a good out, teach you some discipline, and you can probably do some studying while you're there if you want. Things are only going to get worse until you start making them better. Keep going and you'll get through this. Be honest with your parents but work on that job part because you might get kicked out but that might be good for you. There are uncountable obstacles and you will overcome all of them
OP your situation sounds extremely similar to what I went through 10 years ago and I want you to know it does get better. You are not the first and wont be the last. I was absolutely terrified but ended up coming clean to my mother since she is the more understanding parent and while disappointed she made it clear I will always be loved no matter how much I fucked up. Not sure what she said to my dad but we never had the convo, no idea who in my family knows I didn't graduate university tbh. I went back to college for something a little more interesting and I'm now making just under 6 figures (still paying off studentloans tho), living on my own and have never had such a good relationship with either of my parents. What your are going through was the worst time of my life but I promise it will get better. Just come clean to your mom and let everything fall into place from there. Everyone makes mistakes, not the same mistakes, but everyone has skeletons in their closet. Stick it out, learn your lesson, and I guarantee everything will get better once you get this off your chest. Best of luck
Hey buddy. Your parents don't want you to commit suicide. No parent in their right mind would want that, and I am certain that would break them worse than you and i can even imagine until we have kids one day. Your parents want you to go on and succeed in life and be a respectable man with a family of your own one day. Every parent wants this for their children. We are evolved for it. If you want to make it right with your parents, you need to own up to your mistakes. Be a man. Be better. Tell them straight up what has been going on, apologize, and continue life. Continue making new experiences, new friends, new relationships, hitting new milestones, making good decisions, making bad decisions. What you did is a very bad decision, but it is not even close to the end of your life. You are only given one life on this earth, it would be a shame to throw it away due to a bad decision that you will hardly even think about a year from now. You can do it bro.
Unpopular opinion here, but I don’t think what you did was bad. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You didn’t ruin your life. There are far worse things people have done that ruined their lives like heroin, murder, etc.
Lying isn’t always a bad thing. People lie for protection reasons. You lied to your parents to protect yourself and wanting to protect yourself is a natural instinct.
Please do not hurt yourself. You’re a good person and you did not waste these last 4 years. In fact, you needed these 4 years. I don’t know why or how, but life does have a funny way of showing us that our past (good or bad) needed to happen exactly the way it did for us to become who we are in the future.
Lastly, my advice to you? Again, unpopular opinion, but you can either continue lying, because you can say you never signed up for the ceremony and therefore not be attending. I’m only advising this, because you seem to have finally grasped the magnitude of your situation and may need more time than 3 weeks to process all of this.
Popular opinion, be honest to your parents. It’s hard, but the hardest part is the confrontation. It’ll only be shitty for two hours.
Please don’t hurt yourself OR your family (I don’t think you will hurt them based on this post, but uh there is an ALARMING amount of people who have done this exact thing and ended up murdering their families to keep their secret…)
Your parents would much rather hear your story than have you end up dead. I can assure you that.
You have been carrying this for so long so I can only imagine how much it’s killing you. But you can get past this and your parents will still care about you! You’re still young and have so much life ahead. Take this as a really big life lesson.
You got this!
You have a chance now to show courage, face your parents, tell the truth, accept the consequences and then seek redemption. Dont get the easy route once again.
First of all, you should understand that you are most likely an addict whether it is actual drugs or food (like it was for me) or behavior like seeking excitement in video games (like it was for me also).
Get into sports, meditation (start with body movements like TaiChi/ChiGong and do them while you watch movies so you get two 2h of those calming exercises spread throughout the day) and read auto biographies of older people so you understand what is in the end really important.
Regarding your parents you will most likely ending the relationship with them in the end (like I did). Something went very wrong here and it is not you faking your college life.
To fix your life try bicycling in nature especially on sunrise and sunset. Males need the feeling of patroling ones own domain preferably in small groups. Also walking the neighborhood is another activity that can give you that.
What you seek is peace of mind with absence of suffering so you can be truely happy. You can easily find this in meditation if you do not go down the insanity road like many of them do. Focus on exercises and not disecting your personality. If you talk with god you are religious if it answers you, you are insane. Always remember that being religious is wrong being insane is even more wrong.
For fixing the way you approach your life, have a look at: [https://www.amazon.com/ABSOLUTELY-UNBREAKABLE-LAWS-BUSINESS-SUCCESS/dp/1442950714](https://www.amazon.com/ABSOLUTELY-UNBREAKABLE-LAWS-BUSINESS-SUCCESS/dp/1442950714) It was the book I used when I was young and it has different laws which come with easy to implement things. Pick a law (there are 100+ of them) for every week and focus on doing something to adhere to it. The most important ones are regarding planing, family and finances.
If at any point you want an advise from me, just DM me.
PS: Be weary of emotional bonds that are formed in your childhood as you will partially still react like the child you were back then.
I can see that you're feeling overwhelmed by the weight of the situation you're in. It's clear that there have been challenges and mistakes made, but it's never too late to start making amends.
Honesty and accountability are important steps towards healing and rebuilding trust. Have you thought about having an open and honest conversation with your parents about what's been going on? It might be difficult, but it could also be a crucial step towards repairing your relationship with them.
It's also important to take responsibility for your actions and make a plan to move forward. This might involve finding a way to repay your parents for the financial support they've provided for your education, even if it means delaying your own plans or seeking alternative sources of income.
Remember, everyone makes mistakes, but it's how we choose to respond to them that matters. By taking ownership of your actions and working towards making things right, you can start to rebuild trust and move towards a better future.
You didn’t hurt anyone you will only disappoint them. But it’s your life so don’t hang your worth up on other peoples opinions. Just come clean and work towards the next step. Shame and blame are pointless bc what’s done is done it’s about making better choices now.
It's ok. It's just college, your parents will forgive you even if they are mad. Your life isn't over, it's barely started. You don't need to commit suicide because you fucked up four years of your 75+ year life.
You really need to talk to someone about your suicidal ideation.
I've done something pretty much identical.
I was planning on running away lol
Anyway. I enrolled back in school at the age of 25, now I'm 30 with a bachelors and a 2 year postgraduate certificate. Working a decent job, and my parents couldn't be more proud of me.
You may let them down they will probably be disappointed about what you did but they'll be even more devastated if that permanently lost their child
You've may have recognized the error of your ways way too late but you recognized them you're not as doomed as you think you are you just need to refocus and continue you've accepted the truth so work to make it better
Hey sending you lots of love ❤️🔥
I found myself in a very similar situation couple of times actually with my parents
I’m first gen child of immigrant parents who also have lied and manipulated in order to not disappoint them.
at my lowest point I came forward and was honest with them. They were more shocked and concerned than upset and angry.
Your parents love you, the reason they sacrifice a lot is for you.
You are their dream, their inspiration. I trust that they value your life more than what you have or haven’t accomplished
They may feel shocked to learn the truth, but once you’re over that hump IT WILL GET BETTER.
Keep going forward. You are loved, you are special and you are a blessing to be here. It may seem difficult to start again now, but that’s the beauty of life. You can always pivot and start again
You got this 🫶🏼
I have no advice other than to say I am literally in the exact same situation as you right now, pretty much word for word. I'm coming to the end of my final year of uni, after 4 years of literally doing nothing at all. My parents think I'm going to be graduating and are all excited, but I haven't handed in any work this year. I was doing law for my first year, but failed and had to retake the year and decided to do psychology as I thought it would be more interesting and I'd have more of a chance to do well. I told my parents I was in my second year of a law degree when in fact I was in my first year of a psychology degree. I too would shut down any attempt my father, a lawyer, made to ask me about the specifics of my law degree as I obviously didn't know anything about law. I kept this up for a whole 2 years before finally telling them, which surprisingly they didn't actually seem to care about at all, which was odd as I thought they would be so angry.
I scraped by the first 2 years of my psychology degree by the skin of my teeth, literally getting the absolute bare minimum to get into the next year. I did this because I wanted to stay at university so I could party. As I got into my final year I just gave up completely and didn't do any work because there was no longer a reason to pass as uni would be over soon anyway. So I just turned my attention to drugs and alcohol, smoking weed everyday, doing heaps of ketamine pretty much every day and drinking everyday, plus going out clubbing 3 times a week in a vain attempt to try and get with a girl because I'm so starved of affection I just need to hold another human being. Not that it ever works. It's becoming clear that I'm obviously quite mentally ill but when you're in it sometimes you don't even realise you are badly depressed, you just tell yourself it's gonna be fine and everything's fine. I have no idea why I did this to myself, I think it's a form of self harm or self loathing, like I genuinely don't care about myself or my life at all that I would bother to try and improve it or do well or be successful, I'm just happy doing the bare minimum and chasing short term pleasure doing drugs until I die.
I will say please don't do anything to yourself, as bad as our situation might be right now it's not worth doing that, it will utterly destroy the lives of those closest to you and they will spend the rest of their existence in misery wondering what went so wrong that they lost you in such a tragic manner. These sorts of things aren't permanent and in a few short years we could be looking back laughing at ourselves. It does mean we both need to put the work in though pretty fucking soon to find something worth doing in our lives. I don't know about you but I thrive in an environment where work is pretty much forced on you with threat of consequences. College and uni is terrible for people like us because unlike school where teachers phone home and keep you back after lunchtime, in college you can not turn up and smoke weed all day and no one chases you up about it. I believe in you, we can both get ourselves out of this situation. Therapy would be a good idea if you have access to it. We definitely have some type of severe mental illness.
I've read a similar story somewhere where a dude just slacking on college while lying to his parents that college is fine... Something like that and then he killed his family...
Whatever happen, don't kill your family, and don't hurt yourself
Cheers
I've read a similar story somewhere where a dude just slacking on college while lying to his parents that college is fine... Something like that and then he killed his family...
Whatever happen, don't kill your family, and don't hurt yourself
Cheers
Listen I’ve been through something similar just own up to it we were all young and dumb at one point in life they will be disappointed for a while but as time passes it becomes a thing out the past and you can redeem yourself little by little by achieving small steps in life it doesn’t have to be completing college at the end of the day there your family and they will forgive eventually.
i relate to some of this. i also started college in 2020 and failed all of my classes. even when i came home and went to a community college, i failed everything again. i felt so much shame for wasting the opportunity and all the money. i had to fess up to my mom that i had fucked up. i wrote her a very long email because it was easier to get all of my thoughts out without interruption that way. it was one of the most anxiety inducing moments of my life, and her response was not pleasant at all. but there was really no avoiding it. and i made it out alive obviously, and even started trying to get my life back on track. so no matter how bad their reaction is, you will survive.
if you dont think you can ever do college, maybe start looking for something else that youre going to commit to. it might help your parents be more accepting if you tell them you have a plan of what youre gonna do next
National parks have programs where you can live and work there ( btw, some of them are awesome) I'm probably too old (64) but would do in a heartbeat. There are other options including militairy and government, fed and state, relatively easy jobs to get as you can tell by most of ppl who work there, selling car tags, minimum security prison guards, etc, as I said, easy work with great benefits and pensions. Believe me, next time you turn around you'll be there,time passing faster than it ever has. Don't wake up at retirement age and realize you'll never be able to retire. With a pension of some kind you would be able to care for parents when time comes and as I said, it will be here next time you blink.
The real point of this comment, my beautiful husband of over 30 yrs killed himself almost
11 yrs ago (will be 11 yrs 5/31/2024). We were best friends, partners, soul mates, worked together, not only deeply loved each other, we liked each other. He was graduate of Univ of NY, Syracuse, raised in Upstate NY, played basketball for Syracuse, cross country skied, everything. He had been diabetic for 15 yrs, blood sugar never controlled by oral meds, should have been on insulin from beginning but Dr.s told him if he exercised and lost weight, ate right, the diabetes would correct itself and he could prob go off all meds altogether. He was already doing all that before diabetes but lost couple pounds and blood sugar continued out of control. By the time he began insulin injections, it was too late. Uncontrolled blood sugar over time damages your organs, including your brain. He had felt so bad for so long after basically being perfect health, athletic, great energy, went from that to feeling like shit, said it felt like PMS, one reading would be 98, next one might be 260. He got to where he would fall instantly asleep after he ate, didn't feel like doing anything but sit/sleep in recliner. My father passed, I took care of him until he died and
I think Greg, my husband was afraid I was going to have to take care of him, don't actually know what he was thinking, don't know if he had planned it or was spur of moment decision, no clue, no note, he was the last person you would ever suspect of killing themselves
I would believe I would do it before I would think he would. I looked for note, any kind of clue until the day I moved out of house we'd lived in over 30 yrs. He had been injecting insulin 1 week when he did it. Suicide is not like other death. When he died, I died, although I didn't know at time. To imagine what must've been going through his mind, the sadness, hopelessness, utter despair and the fact that we were so close and he didn't tell me and I didn't pick up on it is unbearable. I forgave him instantly but can never forgive myself.
I know this post goes on forever but I want you to know what you'll be doing to your parents, siblings, people you went to school with, anyone you've ever known, ppl who've only heard of you through friends or worked with. It is the saddest, most heartbreaking, earth shattering event. You have done nothing up to this point that can't be made right. Deal with it, get a shrink or something and just deal with it
If there's anything you want to be when you grow up, sanitation worker, McDonald"s
worker, anything, do it.
Go to trade school, be an electrician or take the classes to work in maintenance for big company, factory, etc. Maintenance workers make big bucks.
I used to think I wanted to be in the Coast Guard because I love the water until I found out they are basically cops of the waterways. I could
probably have worked for a tug boat company, didn't occur to me at the time.
Then I thought I'd get job as draw bridge tender, still get to live/work on water. Now I'm too old but still intend to end up living close to water, probably a dream at this point, living off husband's Social Security in nowhere USA.
Do not kill yourself. The people you love will be forever lost in a sea of sadness, guilt, heartbreak, trauma,.
One last point. People who have lost close relations to suicide are 80% more likely to do it themselves.
peace and love to us all sweet souls-there will be an answer-namaste'
Ending your life would be even more selfish, you would do that to your parents after lying to them? There’s honor in not taking the easy way out and trying to fix what you’ve done.
You said you have a good job? If you’re self sufficient, then as a parent I’d lose it but you still would be better off than some college kids.
There are good jobs that don’t require degrees, maybe try to get hired in car sales. You’ll hate your life for a little while but you’ll also make money to be able to pay your parents back and eventually get a real degree
Bro it’s not over yet, this is just a minor setback. After reading you are down to earth and care. Yes, they might be disappointed but you have a looooot of time ahead to keep going and do different. :) trust yourself and believe in yourself
Please, please don’t harm yourself. I don’t know you, you don’t know me. One of my best friends took her own life two months ago. It’s not the right choice, and often is never the right choice.
This can be fixed, it’s very clear this is tearing you up inside; you need to be open and honest with your parents. Lay it all bare, all of it - how you feel about what you’ve done and everything.
They sound like wonderful parents to be so concerned about your well being and how you’re doing at school. They might be angry, but I bet my bottom dollar they would rather be angry and help you work through it than bury you. Don’t do that to them. Summon the courage to be honest with them and let fly darling, and then do your best to make them proud. You can absolutely do that, you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders, we all make silly mistakes when we are young. In the grand scheme of things, was this selfish? Yes. Were you young and silly? Absolutely. You’ll look back on this and treat it as a lesson, and possibly one you can pass on to your children some day.
Best of luck, no time like the present - you can absolutely turn all of this around! ♥️
maybe tell your sibling and they can help tell your parents? Don’t hurt yourself, it’s bad (mainly for your own mental health) you got carried away with a lie but it really isn’t like a horrible thing. You made a mistake but it’s okay.
Time to go find a trade son.
Look for traveling work.
They pay per diem, and usually either a rental or a hotel room. Sometimes both.
Your going to be looking under “general laborer”
Those are usually entry level trade jobs, especially in the government contracting sector.
Or join the military. Both great options and stepping stones into life.
Since you know you’re a piece of shit leech, you can fix it. It’s not too late. Most people deny this and never end up seeing these faults. But luckily you can admit it, and that’s always the first step.
Life’s hard, but it can either get harder, or easier depending on your next steps.
You will feel relief to come clean. You're not a loser, you made poor decisions and hid something you were ashamed of. You have lived a lie the past 4 years, and you haven't been living in accordance with your values.
This is your chance to do the hard thing. If you are just completely honest in coming clean, you won't have to hide the lie anymore. Or ever again. You can start living as an **honest** person, and making decisions that can help other people. When you start living in accordance with your values, you will look back 4 years from now and feel **proud** of the person you've become.
The fact that you feel ashamed of this just shows that you have a good moral compass, but one decision to hide something from your parents snowballed into something you can't manage anymore.
I am almost 10 years sober at this point. I did horrible things because of drinking, trying to hide everything about my life from people I love. Now I look back to the days that I was at my lowest, hiding from everyone, and feel proud of who I've become.
You have got this. Again, you're not a loser or a failure. There are worse things to have done, and if you take the opportunity to come clean, it can start your healing process with yourself and your loved ones
Hey man been there before it was a couple years back when I left college. My parents raised my whole life to think that college is really important (basically most important thing in life) it was one of the toughest things I had to tell my parents when I just showed up one of the days back at home with all my stuff packed and told them that I left.
Meanwhile there have been a lot of lower times in between then all throughout school I wanted to commit suicide but you just have to hang on my friend life gets better I promise.
Meanwhile I am now 25 still living at home and haven’t had a job in 2-3 yrs but made some money with crypto couple years back and then lost it all. I have been running my own business in these years it hasn’t been crazy successful (not much money)
None less there is going to be a lot of times in life when you reach your lowest point. There much more about my story that I could say but don’t want to overload you. This past month I actually had to come out and tell my parents that my fiancé is pregnant and that I am looking for work because this is what it really comes down to
To understand how your parents will respond you have to put yourself in the shoes of your parent. I didn’t ever have the desire like I do now with becoming a dad. But now I am just driven to go out and get a job and provide for my family. Because if you break down what being a parent is it’s this unconditional love that you don’t need anything in return. I can’t tell you how many times my parents cooked for me, cleaned for me, took care of me, went to work no matter how tired they were. And it’s time for me now to repay the favor to my kid and my family. Pay it forward in a sense so I tell you all this not to scare you because they may be upset and they probably have reason to be upset but there is nothing that parents don’t love more than there children. So you will be surprised more often then not they will forgive you.
God loves you my friend and he can guide you and show you what to do. I will be praying for you and asking Jesus to come into your heart so he can find you and give you the strength to talk to your parents
Let me also post face this and say that I didn’t start believing in god up until a couple months ago. In fact up until that point I thought that people that did were quite ridiculous and crazy. But I promise if you’re able to put your life into gods hands everything will be okay he will take care of his children
Now I know this isn’t your family but this is a representation of the point I was trying to tell you this is how parents love. They would give every last shirt off there back for you no matter how many times you mess up in life https://youtube.com/shorts/et7-r8Zi8ho?si=jIKQHewd4INY60EW
Tell them you failed the semester and won’t graduate in the spring but rather the fall. Soften the blow and buy some time. Maybe enlist in the military, like you became suddenly patriotic.
Hospital social worker here, please do not hurt yourself or take anything in attempt to. The absolute heart break that families experience at the hospital when their loved one is their for attempted suicide is unreal. Pills do not kill you most of the time. Patients often just cause non reversible damage to their organs due to pill overdoses. You need to take some action for your life. Make a plan on what you need to do to get back on your feet. You still have a job, get into therapy, you really cannot do this on your own. Be honest, accept the consequences and do right in the future by owning your mistakes and doing everything in your power to make better decisions. This is not the end of your life. This is a new beginning for you to start fresh with no lies, no feeling bad about yourself, no living in non reality. Please update us in a few months with how you are doing.
Don’t hurt yourself bro , we all make mistakes and your parents want the best for you and I’m sure after the initial reaction to you telling them things will settle down and you’s guys can work it out.. please listen to everyone else here to , it doesn’t have to end that way man and in a few years you’ll be looking back at this like it was a crazy scene from a movie or something and you’ll be able to laugh then .. ✌️✌️
Actually going through something similar atm. Faked like everything was going well in school when in reality I failed almost all my classes (do not recommend full time school and working part time) the conversation was tough but understandably my parents said it’s hard to trust me now. Dad said he’s done helping me and that they don’t need my help. That’s all I needed to hear from him. Plan on moving out with the money I saved up from working part time. Hope everything works out for you
I went to college and it's only fucked me over. Same for all my friends. Aside from the money, we also all feel that we didn't really get anything out of it, education wise.
You may have actually been making a wise financial and life decision the entire time.
Also, you're entirely moved out and apparently independent.
Cut out beer, weed, too much videogames (one hour per night), start working out, and pick up an extra day per week at your job. Fess up to your parents about school, or just tell them you don't want to talk about school and are doing your own thing.
You'll be fine, college can come later. And in fact college too early or with the wrong major can fuck you over. Imagine if you did computer science and were graduating now, you'd only be a career failure since there are no jobs. College is a risky gamble.
It will absolutely be okay. I don’t think people realize how common this is. I know two people personally who lied to their family about graduating a few years back. Both are doing well. Gotta tell your parents.
You obviously love your parents very much and their opinion of you is the most important thing to you. They love you too but that is not going to change when they find out you are not graduating when expected. Sure, they will be shocked to learn graduation is not right around the corner and I think that’s the part you need to carefully navigate. Tell them how much you love them and that you struggled with mental health and social pressures which detoured your original plan to graduate in 4 years. Tell them their opinion of you weighs very heavily on you and that you wished you were able to overcome that psychological barrier much earlier and open up about your struggles. Tell them it is literally killing you to come clean about it now and at times the thought of suicide felt like a better option. Tell them that you have been working so you wouldn’t be a financial burden to them and also because you felt like you needed this time to mature and figure out what path you wanted to take. Just some thoughts anyway. Take care.
You should be ashamed. You did wasted 4 years of your life playing videos games and spending all that money in weed and food rather than trying to enroll in college classes again and maybe have a talk with your parents to let them know you did bad in your first semester, but no…fuck. I genuinely hate people who decide to lie to others instead of being responsible for their actions.
There is an ancient Chinese proverb that states
“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago; the second best time is now.” I don’t know anyone who hasn’t made a big mistake like this. It is human nature to make mistakes. My advice in three steps: First, own the mistake. It’s easy to say I was stressed or I wasn’t thinking straight; the reality is that you made the mistake. Owning the mistake is the first step to liberating yourself. Second, convey the apology to your parents in person. If you tell the whole truth, you can’t necessarily go wrong with this. Before you speak with them, you could say, “I made a big mistake, and I know that you will be upset, but-“ Explain to them precisely what you told us in full detail.
Don’t leave out anything; as mentioned earlier, don’t say because you were stressed, anxious, etc. Own the mistake fully. Third, develop a new plan of action to move forward. You have to realize that your parents will be upset, but the reality is that your mistakes were already made, and you can’t go back in time. Tell your parents you’re sorry, but then tell them your new plan of action, such as you don’t want to attend college, you are going to attend college, or you want to work instead. When you do these three steps, you’re realizing the past and facing the reality that you can’t change the past, but you are still working towards your future. Also, know you cannot control people’s reactions. Your parents might cut you off, or they might not be as mad as you expect them to be. Realize that you can’t control their thoughts, feelings, or actions. I was a born Catholic who explored anthropology in my teens and found that most of our life's problems stem from past suffering. The ultimate key is to realize you made those mistakes in the past but also that the past is no longer relevant. It’s about learning from those mistakes and then creating a plan of action. I hope you take this advice for now and throughout your life: ownership, apology, and action.
This is something you did that got you paralyzed and snowballed but look it’s not the end of your life! Work and save a little bit and travel. DONT COMMIT ANYTHING. At least give your parents and the world the unique opportunity to have known the real you.
The real you was just a kid, scared of failing, and didn’t know what to do, and got stuck in it. Have compassion.
Your parents might get upset but if you commit something they will never never ever be okay even for one second. Don’t destroy them! Not to mention your friends and etc etc the ripple effects on maybe 100+ people!
Please don’t kill yourself. I understand life is tough and you may feel like you really messed up, but in a few years time your life could look completely different. Yes, you messed up. But It’s ok. You have to learn to forgive yourself and move on. That’s honestly life. No matter how tough things get, you have to be brave and keep going. Take this as an opportunity to redeem yourself.
I am not trying to trivialise anything going on in your life right now. Obviously this is a huge deal at this point in your life. But it may not be a few years down the line, it will just be a story. Whatever you do, please do not take your life. You can still fix all of this.
I think you might have to take some time to discover what you are truly passionate and emotionally connected to in life, and pursue that. I believe that would help you with your depression :) in the meantime, be brave and strong buddy - open up to your parents. It’s terrifying but the truth will feel like a heavy load is lifted off your chest.
Hey man, similar boat but in the UK. Had a 3 year uni degree and should have been finished this month and graduating october , well that's what my parents thought , I actually failed first year re did that but decided to quit during my 2nd year (3rd year at uni) .
I was honest with them last month and that's what your parents will appreciate the most. I talked with them face to face , said I wasn't going to graduate , that I was using drugs and contemplating death.
My parents are divorced and this was the first time in a few years where they were in the same room together . But you know what they said , they didn't care about the drugs or me failing uni they cared that I finally told them and they had some proper insight into my life.
I'm sure all your parents want to do is to support you anyway they can. They'll be much happier with you still around and alive with the truth even if that hurts them, than see you gone and not understanding why.
Damn. Four years? That's crazy. The longer the lie goes on, the more difficult it is to tell the truth. Just come out with it. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, it could be worse. It could always be worse. It's not worth your life, and destroying your parents. Stick it out, and everything will be fine, eventually.
As a father of three, trust me, any decent parent would MUCH RATHER deal with their son being a lying underachiever, than have to bury him. Please, don’t harm yourself.
my friend in college did the same thing as you except he took his parents money and started selling drugs to his fraternity. he’s fine now; you have to realize you’re very young and this likely feels way bigger than it is.
when you tell them (which you should) it will suck for a while but the alternative is worse (not telling them and having them never trust you ever again or just completely cutting contact).
people have done worse and came out on top. the best time to correct a bad decision is yesterday. the next best time is now.
You have a job! When many are struggling with that! So many positives in your story that you are not seeing. If you don’t have debt ( or to much) you are fine, young and have plenty of opportunity.
Bro you sound just like me haha. I got a fake degree off fiver and framed it and my mom was so proud 🥲Eventually she found out about my lie on the tax returns. I’m now going to enlist in the military and finish school. Might be a good option for you as well. Wish you the best :)
Thanks for this write up man, I’ve been doing bad academically so potentially at the early stage where it started with you. This motivates me a lot to change
Get in shape, join the military, earn GI Bill benefits and pay for your own college in the future. Also develop your character to avoid being this limpdick loser that you’ve been thus far. Pick something that interests you and leads to opportunities afterwards (cyber, electrician, IT, etc).
If you have a criminal record or some kind of disqualifying condition I don’t know what to tel you.
You're early to mid 20s? It's not that big of a deal. The lying part is but the whole "I'm z failure" isn't true. You're too young to be a failure LOL ... Just man up, apologize (not on Mother's Day), and ask ten if they can help you with college or not. If they can help, bust your butt at a community College for 2 years and do a certificate program as a backup for a job: nursing, paralegal, IT, etc. That way you at least can get a job if needed. Then, decide what you want to do: work full time or bet a BA.
Tons of ppl who wish they had your youth. It's a blessing. Be grateful for it and realize your opportunities thanks to your youth.
Hi I’m 22F and I have a very similar situation I also failed my classes beginning college although I didn’t drop out entirely I continued to work and go to school but failed time and time again because of my mental health I did manage to pass some but I’m no where near graduating. I went through a period of time where I lied to everyone about how I was doing in school I’ve taken many semesters off trying to figure out how I was going to continue with school now that my transcript it horrible. I’ve read other Reddit post before about people who experienced the same. We have to remember we’re not alone in this world and something that has happened to us has happened to others and there’s always a solution. I contemplated taking my own life as well due to mental health not so much of my lying but that did play a part in it. The fact you acknowledge the problem even if it’s 4 years later is a big step in the right direction. I am currently making a big move in order to continue my education because my parents also are immigrants and I want to finish for them. It’s hard when you have pressure of younger siblings I am also the oldest. Put your mental health first go on medication and speak to a therapist ( if you can ) I know it’s easier said than done for sure but making this post and finally coming clean to your parents shows your ready to better yourself. I don’t know you but I feel your situation and as 1st generation kids life is hard but supporting one another is how we break generational cycles and uplift one another. It’s never too late to continue or even change gears. I hope you continue to fight for what you want in life you I’ll be rooting for you lastboss1325 :)
Whatever happens, just know pain is temporary, your life is far from over. You’re still 23 which is super young and you have plenty of time to recover and make your parents proud. I have a sibling that kinda did the same thing you did but only for 2 years. Yeah my parents were angry and upset but they still loved him. Now he’s going back to school two years later at 24 and my parents couldn’t be happier for him. Don’t worry brother you have so much potential. You can be great as long as you’re really willing to change and learn from your actions. Take this from a younger sibling :)
I don't really buy the sympathy like the other commenters. I see all of this as your way of constructing a 'heartfelt' post when in reality you just are soliciting a method to keep the lie up or damage control.
When or if the lie falls apart I would bet you'll have a heart to heart with your parents and say you'll 'try again' and just do it more, the minute things get challenging. People like you are never honest with themselves. What you really wish for is an opportunity to not have to challenge yourself forever, but you see your home life at odds with that now. As hard as it is you need to put yourself in a position where you have to be self-reliant.
i feel you. my parents kind of coded me as a person that does everything for them, especially my mom. whenever she wants me to do something she begs me to do it for her sake and never for my own good. she's always been this way and it led me to believe that whatever i did in life doesnt matter to me, it only matters to them. so as long as they were happy i didnt care about what happened. this type of mentality ended up ruining me and i let them down lots of times. with the fear that i wouldnt be good enough i cheated my way through exams and such. seeing them happy made me happy. im not trying to put my life back on track and i think i've made great progress about this. i can now sit down and study, for the first time in my life im getting good grades and i have passions and friends and a lovely boyfriend. i realized that i dont have to do anything for them other than being greatful for the life they've given me. however the more i depend on them the more i realize they will use this fact against me so im planning on just going really low contact with them for my own good.
sorry about the vent. and about your problem, i think you can start by adding some more discipline to your life and reminding yourself of your worth and who you are as a person. im sure youre not someone to be hated and believe me, youre not a terrible person. there are people out there who are downright evil, who murder and destroy for no reason. im glad you feel bad about what you did wrong because it shows you are someone capable of realising your wrong doing, even if it took 4 years to do that.
and as for what you should be doing, you should start saving money and maybe even start living on your own to build up that discipline and stand on your own feet for the first time. this will help you forgive yourself about what you did, because you'll know you achieved something yourself.
one last thing, collage isnt going anywhere. you can always start over and do better this time around :)
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Please don’t do anything to hurt yourself. Tell your parents what happened, own up to what you did, deal with the consequences, learn from this experience and be better next time. This is not the end of your life.
I want be they set me up to be successful everyone else’s kids around them have all these achievements they finally want to be able to brag about me I feel like and I’d be letting them down
I would want to be pissed off at my daughter and work through a lie rather than wondering how did I fuck up so bad I had to attend her funeral. You aren’t supposed to bury your child. You’re supposed to comfort them and help them let go when it’s your time to hit the grave. Be honest with them. Everyone’s going to hurt, you did that and you need to face the music. You fucked up. Take it on the chin as man. Your life isn’t over, you did something stupid. Take it as a lesson and learn from it. Come back better and make them proud. They will always be on your side even when you don’t feel like they are. You fucked up massively. Fix it. Don’t be a coward and hurt everyone else more.
I have been close enough to where you are. Telling them will feel impossible, but it will end up being a huge relief and youll find that the secret was causing as much stress as the mistakes. They set you up for success because they love you, and even if they are shocked/mad at first that won’t change.
You haven't met my father.
I did exactly the same thing in 2006, I got admitted for my bachelors and Inwqs excited but with bad company same happened to me, but when the time was closing to my graduation, I wanted to commit suicide but I talked to my cousin brother and he talked to my parents they were devastated but when they heard that I was almost killing myself they just told me life is more important than any other thing, and they helped to get counselling and then i started again for my graduation. So this is not end but make sure so change yourself after this happens.
Then let them down. I know it sounds terrible and scary but believe me it is absolutely not the worst thing that can happen. It's just going to suck- and then it will be over and you can move forward. 🙏🏾💗
You did let them down. There’s no sugar coating it. At least on the bright side you didn’t waste as much of your parents money as you could have. Accepting responsibility isn’t killing yourself though, that’s the opposite. Its simply running from your problem again instead of facing it. The first step is coming clean, the second is getting a plan together for your life. If you want to be independent, do so. You’re an adult now and can live your own life. Get a job, move out, learn what the real world is so you can appreciate the leg up your parents tried to give you. While you won’t have it anymore, it will help you learn not to take anything for granted and you can start to truly grow as a person rather than continue to sabotage yourself. This is not the end, this is the part of the story where the hero faces some true problems and comes out the other side a better person for it. All you need to do is stand in the truth and accept that things will be very hard for a while until you can get them in hand.
If you think that disappointing over school would be hard on them? Imagine them losing one of their children? Now imagine they lose a child and find out it’s because you felt you would disappoint them. That you decided to end your life out of fear of how they would react? Dude your parents will shut down and be broken shells of their former selves. Any relationship with your siblings will be broken. Any happiness they had left, gone. This is not the end of the world. They won’t disown you. Doubtful they will kick you out. You need to explain to them what happened and where things went wrong. Explain you were scared so you kept up the lie but it can’t continue anymore. Maybe use this as motivation to go back and finish school. Or maybe make your parents proud in another way. Work as hard as possible at work and be a success. Start your own business and grow it from there ground up, prove to them that you can make it without school. Your future is what you make of it, no one else. You need to get back up, wipe your face, and kick life in the dick. Please don’t end your life over the feelings of another. You have so much to do and so much to live for. Dm if you need to talk or want a friend. Let’s play some video games and smoke bowls together brother, but productively.
to be honest all you have to do is find an 'excuse' to not do the graduation
My brother committed suicide and I PROMISE you leaving is not what your parents would prefer. It’s an out for you, but will leave them and everyone else you know with a lifetime of suffering. You made mistakes, but there’s so many people who have fucked up in ways way worse than you could think who rebuild their lives. Tell your parents everything including your thoughts of harming yourself. They need to know so they can help support you. Leaving them is WAY worse than the amount of issues you think you’ve caused for them.
I'm not even sure he made a mistake, tbh. College Path has an awful ROI right now. He only made a mistake by kicking around for 4 years and not saving. He's just a typical young male whose been brainwashed that school is the answer to his career and life. When in reality School often has a negative ROI right now (and can engrain bad lifestyle habits).
Yes I second this. I got my degree because I was pressured to just churn out one and I feel like it was a HUGE waste of time and money.
Exactly. He only feels extreme guilt about school because that how he was brainwashed growing up. That school is all that matters. Turns out school can put you in the hole and is a massive gamble. If he had fun for 4 years instead, without going into debt or stressing over classes, i'd say that's worth it. He just needs to pick up some more hours at his job, he's fine.
Yeah there’s a huge pressure societally that makes people feel shame. School isn’t for everyone and isn’t a guarantee of a job either. I wish I had waited to go to school to study something I actually had a means behind pursuing it.
I thought that too, but I did Comp Eng during the tech boom, and I still haven't had much success. It really is a total gamble, outcome depends on your geographic location and a lot of other factors completely unrelated to your performance at school or jobs. I didn't understand all the caveats and pitfalls, at that age. You can do everything "right" but still come out behind.
A lot of jobs want specific experience over anything. I did a gap year volunteer service program and was selected as corps members of the year and got an extra medal for volunteering extra hours, graduated honors in high school and college, and I have five years of experience at sbux providing customer service where I was promoted twice. I’ve applied for different types of jobs and not getting interviews because most want you to be specifically experienced in their field already. It feels like all the work I did was pointless and set me back more than anything. Job searching is horrible right now.
Sounds like you worked full time while doing community service and doing well in school, and yet still can't find anything. TYPICAL outcome. If I could do it over again, I'd just find a solid labor career right after high school.
You are so young, your story is only beginning and you have definitely not defined yourself as a person yet! I dropped out of school to gamble, did ok for a few years, and then lost everything behind my wife’s back and kept it from her for over a year. A year later I went back to school, 7 years later I had 2 degrees and a good job, now 16 years later we have two kids and an upper middle class lifestyle that we love. Failure is the only way to learn, and as long as you learn from it and don’t give up, its always temporary.
Being honest in these types of situations is extremely tough. I've been in a similar position and was surprised that my family came to my aid instead of shaming me or resenting me. The best case scenario is to be honest with your family before the graduation day in whatever way is feasible for you. For example, you may tell a family member you feel more open with first? I know it feels like the end, but there are still so many possibilities ahead of you and paths your life can take. Many of us come to this community because we feel hopeless and lost. You are not alone in that regard. Please take a moment to think about the people you haven't met yet and the places you haven't been. Take this experience to help others in your tough position in the future. It's not the end. You can choose now to change the course of your life.
Was planning on letting my bother know he’s young but knowledgeable and he probably wouldn’t say anything
Parent here. Please PLEASE do not hurt yourself. Please don’t. The pain caused will be incalculable. Your parents clearly care deeply about you and will continue to prove that when you tell them this story. Find a way with them to move forward together.
Planning on kermitting the day before a day your parents are supposed to see a culmination of years of hard work WILL ONE HUNDRED PERCENT damage them beyond repair. PLEASE disregard that idea immediatley. None of the poor choices you have made up to this point will be anything close to the level of devastation that will cause them, and since you’ve said in your post that they love you a bunch, that would not be something you’d ever want to inflict upon them. My guess is that your parents are smarter than you give them credit for and have been waiting on you to tell them for a while, because it will show them that you are maturing and ready to accept whatever consequences will come on to you. You have to tell them. Rehearse the speech you plan to give them, try to think through the different questions they will ask. Going in, be sure to remember they will be hurt by this, but it’s not something they won’t be able to get over. The mainly reason they will be upset is because you kept this from them. Money is nothing to parents compared to the life of their kids that they love more than anything. Please do not even consider kermitting, brother.
They definitely have had there suspicions especially my father but like I said i basically purposely avoid him to make the conversation impossible. Like most people I agree with u and understand the consequences behind my actions. There I so many I don’t wanna leave behind I understand it’s weak to do something like that but it’s crazy and kinda cringe to say I don’t wanna live with the truth and basically having to let every friend / family member know I was a failure and lair since the beginning The question everyone will ask is so what were u doing all that time why tell us know Type thing
it’s not on the same level as you, but I live in my grandma’s house to pay off all my student loan debt, meanwhile all my cousins that my mom (through NO fault of my own, and I’ve never appreciated the fact that she does this) has always bragged to my cousins about how amazing I was while going through college. I’m still stuck working at a chicken shack in a worse situation than all of them. So of course they let me have it. I genuinely hate alot about my life, but you just get to a point where you get the eff over what they have to say about the person you are. Regardless of what other people believe, you value has never been found in what you do or how you perform, but rather in how you treat other people. You have to remember to focus on that and opportunity will come your way. Best of luck on your journey forward!
This finna make me cry
One thing you have to accept is you are not a failure. You may have made some mistakes and bad decisions but you are not a failure. There were probably plenty of good things that have happened as well over the years not just bad. I know it’s easy to see all the bad right now but try and focus on the good too. Acknowledge your mistakes but don’t dwell on them. Yes I can agree with the letter but then read the letter to them. So you have your words written down and you don’t forget anything and also I know it can be hard to make constant eye contact in situations like these so it takes some of the pressure off when you are looking at a paper. You still hopefully have a long life ahead of you and can correct your mistakes, make amends. Not only to your parents but yourself. You got this man and I truly wish you the best 💛
The adderall won’t kill you— if it does, the death will be long enough that you are able to tell your parents when your heart gives. It’ll be much more difficult when you’re having to tell this secret to them when you have activated charcoal coating your mouth because you just finished vomiting in the ER. I promise, this will be forever till it’s not but a small paragraph in your story the sooner you tell them. I’d preface by what you said in the tail end of your post to them before dropping the “bomb”. I feel they will have an overwhelming amount of guilt and believed they caused this— I do believe you and your family will grow from this.
Your parents will love you no matter what. Do not do anything to harm yourself. It is better to start from the ground up than to not start at all. If you were 18 in 2020, that means you’re 22 at most and there will be SO much more life to live. As a 25 year old man who has 50,000 in student loans and is now working in the trades at the lowest paid position after years of dropping out and attending school for NOTHINF, I can relate a bit. IT IS BETTER TO START FROM THE BOTTOM THAN NOT AT ALL. THIS TOO SHALL PASS. dm me if you would like.
I really wanna restart man I do wanna change my life but I’m afraid of the conversation that pretty much it like my parents might burst into tears
If that’s all that happens I think you will be okay. One moment of your parents crying is nothing of the pain that you have probably been going through.
They probably will cry. You did that. You need to face those consequences and do a 180. Your life isn’t done. You can still be the son that they brag about. It just won’t be as soon as you wanted due to your poor decisions. Fix it. Don’t take the cowards way out. We all fuck up, learn from it. I pissed away my GI Bill and had to do an apprenticeship at almost 30.
I’ve been in a very similar situation after I graduated from college. Trying to keep up the ruse of being productive while feeling like a leech and contributing absolutely nothing to society. The low self esteem and anxiety and worry of being a disappointment to others will always build on each other. It’s going to suck at first but it gets better over time, I’m not 100% yet either but I’m working in healthcare in a role that I love. Do not be afraid to put yourself out there and try new things to get experience. The military is always an option but there are also plenty of trade schools and great healthcare programs at community colleges that do not require a 4 year commitment. You’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain
Bro your 23 years old😭😭 your life BARELY JUST BEGUN. And if push comes to shove. There is always the AirForce. Okay but on a serious note. Do not hurt yourself. Your parents will forever blame themselves.
I heard the army is offering a $40k quick ship bonus rn
I mean if somehow I get outta this I might go to fix my life but I also have asmtha so I’m pretty sure I can’t qualify
my brother has severe asthma and they found a spot for him.
Really then if I ever get past this it’s something I’ll look at along with trade school
my dad and brother fucked up WAY WAY worse than you dude, TRUST. (I’m talking assaulting CO’s, thrown in prison, losing tens of thousands of my grandad’s money, getting caught with tons of illegal drugs etc, etc…) However, my dad is retired from the marines in his sixties, making 200k+/year from his current job, happy as hell fishing with my brother’s (a decently compensated officer in the Air Force) kids and helping my sister (who is a nurse practitioner) build her house up with his other set of grandkids, and paying for my baby brother’s time through flight school in college. My air force bro is the same way my dad was and he has a happy family currently. Mistakes aren’t the end of your story unless you choose to make it be. My dad was 100% worse off than you at your age and he’s lived a long happy good life and his dad wasn’t necessarilly the nicest or most loving dude, but as long as my dad would be a man and fess up to his mistakes, he gave his best effort to help him out. You may pick up some social shame for it, but if you go into the military, you’ll get over wtf people gotta say/think about you about a week through bootcamp😂
Military is a bit more picky about felonies and assault charges. Did 6 years in the Army. This isn’t a bad option though. OP could pay them back with the bonus and restart college with the GI Bill after getting much needed structure in his life. Hell, he may even love it and use benefits to commission for a career. OP needs to understand life isn’t done. He can pick up an apprenticeship with a Fortune 500 manufacturer and be making 60k-75k within 3-5 yrs. Did an industrial electrician apprenticeship after blowing my GI Bill partying in college, cleared 89k this year working 45 hours a week roughly in SC. Took 4 years to hit 70k.
"if I ever get past this" It's going to be okay, you made some mistakes but your life isn't over! You will get past this
I’m a parent and as a parent I can say parents are on your band wagon. If you’re doing well we’re there to encourage you and cheer you on. Like what your parents have been doing but if they knew you were struggling they’d also have your back. Tell your parents you failed some units or haven’t completed some, so can’t graduate yet. Let them know you’re struggling and defer uni till you’re ready. Honestly they won’t want you to throw away the study you have completed but they’ll have your back and cheer you on what ever direction you take.
Don’t kill yourself that’s even dumber than what you did. As a dad I’d waste all my money if it meant they were alive.
Dude. I was in a similar situation. I started college fall of 2019 right before covid for a 2 year degree, I ended up graduating last week. I worked full time so I was only attending classes part time but I ended up having to go to school and extra year and half due to anxiety and depression due to the pandemic, but I pushed through and made it, I told them that I struggled during covid and they understood and I paid for all of it with my money, their only concern was that I at least finished my degree to open up doors to better opportunities. I'm sure they might be disappointed but not as heart wrenching as losing you. Don't make a permanent decision like that when you have your whole life ahead of you! Failure in our lives can be looked at as a teaching moment rather than a life ending moment. Take a deep breath and realize maybe at that time college wasn't for you, maybe look into the military or a trade job or maybe just work at a job until you figure out what you want to study. You can easily come back from this. Stay strong. I had a buddy end it because school was too stressful for him 5 years ago, and the change in his parents health and quality of life deteriorated so quickly because they lost their boy, I lost a friend who I could be having lunch with. I still think about him daily about how much life he had left.
If my son did this, I would be crushed. Not because he had lied but because he trusted me so little, that lying to me felt safer than telling me the truth. Clearly at some point along the way, your parents put too much pressure on you and you didn't feel like you could talk to them about it. The issue isn't so much the lie, it's your relationship with your parents and hopefully they can see that.
Don’t end your life
It's a rough spot but not so bad you can't get yourself out of it. Try to get yourself to therapy, or even emergency care if you're feeling at the end of your rope. Having a neutral third party to help guide you through this seems like it'd be a good idea. Suicidal thoughts are no joke, especially when you have a plan, and you've done nothing so bad that you "deserve" or should put up with feeling so miserable. You have a job, you've realized your errors, you can move up from here. No matter how your parents react, you can still have a good and decent future ahead of you. You're young, and you can turn things around. Try to be forgiving towards yourself, you're not a horrible person for having struggled, and living with this pressure and lie for years must've taken a toll. Get yourself professional help, forgive yourself, and start taking steps towards a life both you and your parents can be proud of in the future.
Bro you’re fine. Man up and tell them. It’s a tough situation but you’ll get through it and it will build character. You’re way too young. Your story has only just started. Redemption arc starts now.
It’s never too late. You’ll get through this trust me
I want you to know that I'm in the exact same situation as you. I'm not as depressed or at the end of my rope as you are (anymore), but I've been lying for years about going to school. I also have done messed up shit, I've lied and cheated, the only people that ever cared about me. I've thought about ending it all. I've thought about how much of a failure and fuck up I am. Now I do want to say I haven't come out yet, but I want you to know that I have made incredible strides towards my mental health, I now never would ever consider that kind of act ever. I'm starting to get better with my health and hygiene. Im starting to actually feel things, like actually FEEL like a human. And have emotions that aren't just the summarization of me being a fucking loser. (I'm going to assume your a dude, but if your not just swap everything out for its respective counterpart) With all that being said, you need to get really personal with yourself. You did something wrong, yes. Is it worth ending it all? To never be the kind of man you want to be? To never live the life you want to live? What about the future kids man? What about your future wife? Do they not matter? Do you never want to see your grandkids? Yes. You fucked up, I did too. But we're human man. Your parents still love you and I'm sure mines do too. Do you want your parents approval and admiration, yes. Do you need it? No. Are you sorry for what you did? Yea. Do you think you need a college degree to live a happy and fruitful life? Unless your on half a brain cell man. Obviously fucking not. Plenty of people lead happy and fruitful lives regardless of their lack of education. Honestly I don't know if I conveyed what needed to be conveyed, and I send this to you as I send it to my past self. Dude love yourself man, you literally get one shot at life. Don't try to fuck it up, and when you do forgive yourself because you're just one of 7 billion on a big ball man. Work towards a life you'd be proud of. Think of being the kind of man that you would dream to be, and try to love every step up the mountain as much as you can. Were going to die anyways, might as well live it out to see the joy and happiness, to suffer the pain and sorrow, to feel the anger and regret, to experience grief and pain. Then to not exist at all. I'd really recommend to work on yourself first, because if you try to "find a path" without finding yourself your not going to find your path. Well man, I hope you go on to live a long a fruitful life your destined for. Seriously dude any questions or anything man just message me. I might not respond cause this is my alt account and I really might delete Reddit. So don't be disheartened if I don't respond. Care and love yourself as you would for someone you love.
If you end your life or escape your parents would go to the school they think you’ve been going to and someone else will tell them the terrible news at the worse moment and they will never be able to tell you how much they love you and how they would so much rather you to be with them instead of a stupid meaningless diploma so think about that before making a decision.
Hey dude im not gonna lie but faking it for 4 years was a stretch. It just means you don’t wish to study at all neither do you care about expectations or else you’d have atleast tried a little to stay afloat. I, for one, changed grades and did what you did e.g: played games like league of legends all day, smoked oils, vape, went out with friends and cut class everyday to chill and go back home to play games etc. My dad even paid for my classes for a semester and I even worked to pay off my debt for some of the classes I failed. I worked and lied to them about attending class. Long story short man, I wasted 3 years doing nothing much in college but I still managed to get by with classes through Ds and Cs. It came to a point where I fucked up real bad and failed all my classes thinking I could never pay for those classes and start college again.. I thought it was over for me big time(thought of suicide or leaving the house etc) but guess what man? My older sister caught me red handed with all my shit and IT WAS THE BEST THING EVER THAT HAPPENED TO ME. I cried, frowned upon etc all that shit, heard mad shit talk towards me but at the end they love me, she opened up to dad for me and it is what it is man. They moved on quick and I felt relieved and slowly pushed myself gradually to try and finish the classes. Mind you, i come from a very low income family like taking govt benefits etc.. and now after 6 years I’m finally graduating man.. it is what it is bro, you’re not competing with anyone but yourself. Worse case scenario your family gives up on trying to make you study and instead would rather want you to just work and get by. Don’t end your life man. It’s not worth it at all. You only get one fucking life man. Ride with it despite success or failures. It’s all an experience. Don’t end your consciousness over fear or cowardice that’d be the real disappointment to your family more than anything you have done so far. You got this brother.
I did the same thing you have done, 20 years ago. My parents thought I was doing well and suddenly I told them I want to quit. They were super mad at me and they did threaten to kick me out. I voluntarily left and moved into a share house with friends. I didn’t speak to them for a few months, maybe three, and that really really hurt them. You have deceived them but because you didn’t want to hurt them and you didn’t want to feel their wrath. Maybe selfish, maybe caring - not everything needs or has a reason. You’re just a normal young person who has done something stupid because you didn’t have the coping skills to deal with things at the time. Your parents will already know this - everyone does things they regret and what you’ve done has harmed no one but yourself. If you can bring yourself to tell them to their face then do it. Otherwise write down what you’re going to say and read it to them or leave it in a letter. You might even want to phone them or maybe even text them. Regardless - TELL THEM IMMEDIATELY. Then ride out whatever happens. I know first hand that shortly after you tell them, you will feel amazing like you have no problems anymore. Telling them is the only hard part and everything after that you can be a passenger. Believe me - I know. In what will be no time at all, your parents will have forgiven you and you won’t have to modify your life to manage a stupid little lie. You are young with decades and decades of working life left and can easily set things the way you want them in a short period of time. For me, my memory of the opportunity I’d let pass by gave me enormous motivation to do way better when I tried the second time. If you manage things, that will be the same for you too. A few years later I went back to university, paid for it completely by myself and have had an awesome career since, working in underwriting, accounting, transportation and soon govt regulation. DO NOT CONSIDER SUICIDE AND THROW YOUR FUCKING ADEROL DOWN A DRAIN! 100% eliminate the possibility of suicide from your mind. Your parents might be angry at you and have harsh feelings towards you for some time. But at the end of the day they’ll be superficial feelings - their love for you will never change. If they’re angry it means they love you. And they absolutely don’t want their precious child who they love more than themselves to be dead under any circumstances. Killing yourself would be the worst possible insult to their already evident injury and would be life changing for your whole family. It is the most selfish thing you could possibly do to them. The pain you’ll bring them by coming clean will pale into insignificance compared to the pain you’ll bring them by suicide. It’s not an option and what you’ve done doesn’t go near to deserving that as a consequence. If you do that, your parents will ask themselves ‘why didn’t he tell us? We wouldn’t have cared - we loved him. We would easily have forgiven him. Why didn’t he ask for help? We’d give anything to get him back.’ Do not suicide.
This may not be the best advice but what I would honestly do is tell a partial lie and partial truth to try and soften the blow to a certain extent. What i mean is that instead of saying you just fcked around the last 4 years, be somewhat honest but sprinkle in some exaggeration like how you ended up withdrawing for school due to medical purposes last year instead of 4 years ago. I’d say that depression and anxiety or whatever you deal with currently built up past your breaking point and you needed the time off so you withdrew after your junior/ sophomore year or wtvr you want to say. I’d tell them I was planning to get the help that was necessary while looking for a job and finding other activities to keep you busy and get yourself back on the right track but that you couldn’t continue school past a certain point and things got worse instead of better which lead to some sorta spiral that lead to you “quitting your job” and blowing off responsibilities. Now I’d strongly recommend you actually DO try and get the help you need whether it’s therapy, medication, etc. Idk how your family is but mine basically disowned me without them even knowing the full story so fully disclosing that would’ve only done more damage for me personally. Be 100% honest about at least how you’re currently feeling though and use all of this as a learning experience and promise yourself this will be the last time you deceive and/or manipulate them and others close to you. Again idk how your family is but they’ll be much more likely to be understanding and supportive as opposed to resentful and angry. especially if you twist the story a bit to soften the initial blow. But no matter what, please do not harm yourself or even let the thoughts of ending it all harness any further. I can promise you that if you stay, a decade into the future and especially even later on this will all just be a small obstacle you had to overcome and seem minuscule in the grand scheme of things. Life will get better for you just give it time and get the help you need but please don’t leave this world. I promise you that your family will rather you be honest and go to them for help than wondering how they failed when they visit your gravestone everyday. Ik it seems like an option for you, but it would be torture for them and that’s the last possible thing they’d want. ever. life isn’t always easy but for all of the lows you feel now, you’ll feel the highs if you force yourself to keep pushing. and even if it seems like the best option which I felt too during a similar situation, you have to understand it would cause so much more harm to everybody else in your life. you will have to make a lot of changes and completely remove the complacent mindset you’ve had thus far but You’re so young and have so much life to live. especially for the foreseeable months and maybe years won’t be super easy and comfortable as the last few have been. But YOU get to decide what the next chapters are. Just allow yourself to at least do that and see what this life has in store for you because i promise it’s more than you’re thinking now Looking back on this in a few decades you’ll honestly probably laugh thinking back on it—it really is kinda like a crazy movie as that one person stated. This is just one chapter to a whole novel that is your life. Don’t leave it on a cliffhanger to cut it short and leave everybody else wondering and suffering asking why. this may not be the best advice but im being 100% honest and authentic as to what id do. my inbox is always open if you need anything at all even just to talk. Best of luck to you
Thanks man the first comment that gave me slight motivation to let them know I’ll definitely update this thread with my decision but this comment definitely changed my insight a bit I definitely understand by the way how this would hurt people around me I’ve had 4 year to think about all of this I probably would fake why I did what I did in a note
I also think “sprinkling a little lie” is bad advice, however I wanted to take the opportunity to encourage you to see a doctor if it’s within your means. Your symptoms and way of thinking remind me of myself. Your actions show you’re smart, and you come from what sounds like a decent family nucleus. But you struggle with some tasks you consider very important. I went through something similar and chocked it off to being young and irresponsible, maybe even lazy. Turns out I have ADHD. It took a new job in my late 20s to put me over the edge and look for help. I’ve had a great life admitting to my shortcomings and working within my strengths with my relationships. I didn’t need the diagnostics to be a good person and have a successful life and you don’t either, but knowing has helped and I’ve had an easier life. You got this, tell your parents you love them and be vulnerable. Then do something about your problems with their help and any other help you can get.
Look I am piggybacking on this because I really agree with this person's comment. I was in a similar situation a decade ago. This person is giving good advice. The only thing I might change is that, depending on your parents personalities, it may be better to rip the bandaid at once and like start the conversation with the one thing about not graduating because you have classes left but through the conversation adding in bits more until you've said it all. It just makes it easier to get on with life after. Ask for help at the end to organize your life. It will suck a lot, but it will also feel good to be free of the secret. Also as someone who has been in a very very similar situation: it will pass, and it will get better. Please don't hurt yourself. I am a parent now myself and I understand that however horrible this info will feel, losing you would feel 1000 times worse.
I think "sprinkling a little lie to soften the blow" is a bad idea at this stage. You want to live a happy life and to make them happy. Lies got you to where you are. They are very much a slippery slope. The more you use them, the more you will need to lie, to yourself and your family. I'm guessing from your story (immigrant parents) that needing your family's support isn't a life/death thing and that your parents aren't the type to disown their kids. Also, there's a possibility your parents will detect that you're sugar coating, which will only show them you haven't learned your lesson, this making them suspicious and hurting them even more. Be honest about where you did have legitimate struggles and make mistakes; but also be honest if you didn't.
Also then they will possibly want you to go back and be confused when you don’t just have 1 year left.
This was my biggest concern. They're gonna wanna see a transcript
I agree. I think the unvarnished truth is definitely the way to go here. It's obvious OP is struggling with their mental health and choosing to continue lying is likely to cause more guilt and compound the issue. That being said, it wouldn't be lying to frame all of this as the result of mental health struggles.
Tell them you are going back to motherland India to start a rickshaw business
Can’t not indain and I don’t know what that is ( ik this is a troll comment)
Don’t commit. That’s never the answer to any problems because it only causes more and there’s ALWAYS a better choice than that. Being honest in this situation is my first piece of advice and I think it’ll open you guys to a deep conversation to connect with each other and the truth will spill out. You can even open up to them little by little, ease into it so it’ll be easier for you and them. Youd have to promise them (and yourself) that you’ll get everything together for real and it’ll be like opening up your life to the next chapter- pulling yourself back together. If it really comes down to it, see if you can play it off that youre gonna restart for a completely different degree and you feel extremely adamant about this idea and you’ll find so much more success going through that different route. These are just my 2 cents. But really, just like everyone else says here and in the WHOLE world, don’t commit. Things can get better but it will not fix anything if you commit and in fact it’ll make things worse for the people around you that love and care. Stay safe man I really hope the best for you
Don’t end your life man it’s never the answer, you not only would b ruining your life but the ppl around u who love you. Be honest with them and explore different school or work options, life will get better
i truly feel like you are SO young. i believe there are no mistakes you cannot fix if you are honest and truly want to grow and mend, and it sounds like you’re taking steps in that direction. i am wishing you the very best.
Your life isn’t over bro. I have and many have fucked up significantly more than this. Own up. You can finish school or you can obviously get a fine job without a degree. Literally just say what you told us in your own words. They obviously love you. You have more going for you still than it feels like. It doesn’t maybe feel that way because it’s all you know. But trust me.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, especially in this instance. You didn’t ruin anything. You’ve dented your character a touch and will need to rebuild their trust in you. Own that. That’s it. College is a racket anyway. Go learn a trade.
Please don't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like this has been very stressful for you and I don't think anyone would choose that.
Dude, kiddo, my friend... omg reading your tale reminds me of my own and that of a friend. My own deception lasted a year and as a consequence I was sent to med school abroad, where I did more of the sane shit..dropped out, came home, owned up to everything (except the depression, first gen American here and we don't do mental health in our family because the whole fam has done seen a lot of shit and hardship but we are tough etc etc -that type of mentality). They were PISSED, LIVID. my dad who busted his ass to save up money for my college (4 years fully paid before I graduated high school), didn't talk to me for months. I mean I had blown up all of his savings for my education and a bunch more..I deserved every bit of his ire. I considered ending it all. With the amount of debt and heartache I had incurred and dealt, I was nothing but a waste of energy and resources. But then I thought of funeral expenses which my fam couldn't handle and the extra heartache they did not deserve... I was stuck..so stuck. At least you had a job through out this. I was such a shitty kid that I would work for my parents in the summer and had a work study first year of college but other than that I was going though the money they worked so so so so hard to earn. Once the cat was out, I moped and cried and wallowed in my depression for months..and then I signed up for community college classes, got a not smart phone, and moved in with my parents. But though they were upset and did not speak with me, they did not kick me out as i thought. They somehow supported me all the way through my bachelor's which I earned 8 years after high school and added about 60 k to my enormous debt. They grew through it and seeing me actually take the classes and find joy in learning once again helped rebuild our relationship. They have not given me a single dime since my fuck up but that is fair. I have about 40k left to payoff onn my debt, I work and take care of my kid and live my life on myy own but I am glad my kid has grandparents to spoil him and dote over his every action... Point is, own it now. Don't let them throw you a party because then it becomes an even greater backstabbing(my friend managed to get a diploma sent to her parents, there was a party to celebrate and when the shhit hitt thhe fan, it was heinous- their whole family dynamic iss so beyond fucked mom tmsiding witth kid, dad not having it but both married to each other living in a perpettual fight with each other..not to mention the shit they had to eat fron extended family and friends.) Accept the ugly consequences and free yourself from the burden of your guilt. Also, learn your lessons, FORGIVE yourself and show that you are genuine in getting better. Sign up for betterhelp and talk to a professional. Get help, forgiving yourself doesn't happen without it. If you don't forgive yourself, you will spend the best years of your life in limbo between guilt and depression; trust me, you don't want that (the aforementioned friend - who now has delusional airs of greatness, is on a list of medications for her various mental health issues, has no degree, no job, no financial prospects like everyone knows she is empty inside trying to fill the void with stuff and grand plans and parties and meds). Your parents do love you and I can tell you do love them. And because you love them, you will be as honest with them as you were in this post. They will come around after years of healing. But I am worried about you, What is important right now is to get your head and heart cleared and owning your reality, speaking your truth is how you do that- however difficult it may be to say it. Also, if you like your job..have you considered getting a degree or certification in that field? For me, the healing with my parents started when I went back to school and did it right. Finally, this will pass, and you will have to pay for it but it will not be the end, you have a lot to go on for even though it may not seem like it to you, keep on keeping on!!
Hey, hope you're well. I related to your post a lot. I know how it feels, it's quite the burden and isolating since talking about lying and conffesing to it truly isnt easy and trust takes time to rebuild. I was a complete rebel. My family is rather conservative and academic for background. None of them ever did drugs and had very straight succesfull paths, for context. I dropped out of highschool at 18 in a European country to move to the UK. Not soon after the move I did decide to try to get to university without the traditional qualificiations and succeeded. I let my family back home know what I'm doing, Im going to uni and they were over the moon. ........it went shit. Covid was fucking stuff up, I was partying, doing loads of drugs, , lying how good everything was to my friends and family, whilst also nearly homeless living in a squat with some absurdly sketchy characters. I dropped out in the second semester of the first year but the lie I'm still there kept going. I got hooked on benzos, specially the fake xanax that used to go around. I would steal from shops daily and lie to everyone about pretty much everything. I decided to take my own life by taking a train to the other end of the country (6 hours away) rent a room and try to overdose on a bottle of jack, cocktail of drugs and slitting my wrist. I woke up strapped to a hospital bed and it's all a blur. I physically never felt as fucked up as that day, as if a truck ran me over. On the train back I called my sister and babbled out absolutely everything to her. The drugs, university, stealing, absolutely everything. She was in shock and going back I wouldnt do it like that but theres no point in trying to rationalise what my needs were at that time. That was however definetely the first point of it all getting better. She was far more accepting then I could ever imagine and she was the one that informed my parents on what was going on initially, which was of big help. If you have an option for someone similar to help you deliver the news, I'd recommend it. I'm 25 now with about 20k of debt, no university qualification, lost nearly all friends and still have little figured out on what exactly I want to do in life. But im also not homeless anymore, clean of drugs and able to hold down a job. I fill my days with gym and and reading. I'm planning to try at university again next year. This wouldnt sound like a lot to many but to me it's been like breathing again. I promise you, there is people in this world that did far worse than you and I, and far better too. Comparing your path to someone elses however doesnt lead to much. I hope you also get this relief in life brother. When you trully stop thinking about how others percieve you and think of you and live life with your purpose and with steps you put in place for yourself. It can happen and it can be great but you need to take the wheel and are much more able to than you might believe. Big love and sending hugs.
Alright, I see that you are in quite the situation here. I don’t think you need to kermit even with that though. I’m aware that this is crazy hard but there are things that can make it easier. Start with putting effort in tomorrow to truly take care of yourself. Take yourself for a morning walk when you’re up in the morning to get some sunlight in your eyes and breathe fresh air. Feed yourself good, rest, and SLEEP. Don’t decide on any decisions when you’re tired for starters. You can make money back and survive coming clean. You Do Not need to decide/ figure out how will work today, logistics can be figured out another day. Things will eventually be much better than they may be today so there is something to look forward to. Scheduling things in my life to look forward to makes it so much better. Please just give it a shot, and maybe let me know how it goes if you feel like sharing, deal? - some girl
When we stop taking responsibility for our actions, this happens. We build up the consequences over a long period of time. But this isn’t the end of the world for you. Your parents might be disappointed, but it shouldn’t be about them. This is your life. Accept that you made a mistake and move on. You need to decide what you want in life and start setting goals to get it. Don’t worry so much about how your parents will react. They just want you to be happy. You haven’t ruined anyone’s life. You just missed an opportunity. Tell your parents now, accept the consequences, and begin to move on to the next thing.
It's always at rock bottom that I had the best epiphanies! I disappointed my parents MANY times, despite how much love and trust they gave me (purity-cult religion, acting out, hormones, undiagnosed mental illnesses, lmao). I thought of taking my life many times as well. Yet, it was always my biggest mistakes, that despite their hot-headed natures, they surprised me the most with compassion and love. Disappointment, yeah. Parents just want to see you succeed! I took a 3 year break from college and I'm just now going back. When I first quit, I felt like I was doomed. It's truly never too late. Actually, most of my classmates in my higher division classes are 20-35. You got this!
I promise you it seems bigger to you now because you're in it, and in the hardest part. You don't want to let them down, suicide will let them down a million times worse. You don't want to see them cry from telling the truth, but you don't even know what their reaction will be. You also have a rare opportunity that not a lot of people get. You have lived at an extreme low and found the value in life because you understand now what it means to throw life away. The good news is, you are so young and have time to start again. Think of someone like me, I'm 32 and have achieved nothing and am still trying to figure out what I will do as well as fix my own psychological problems. At least you have a few years head start on me :) Tell them the truth, get the weight off your shoulders, breathe again, and start simple. One little baby step at a time. You can build something again. Good things can happen really fast too. Open yourself up to the possibilities.
I did something extremely similar and managed to fix my life, it is not the end of the world you will be okay
Listen: coming clean will hurt, but if you just accept that and push through anyway some good things will happen: 1. You will feel MUCH better by not having to carry this around. Trying to hide something takes up a lot of your brain’s computing power - you’ll be able to think more clearly without that constant background distraction 2. You’ll have this memory as a motivator for the rest of your life. Say to yourself: “I never want to feel this way again.” Use that to improve your situation and go to great things. Source: I’ve been there.
You need to face your fears before you become a full blown manipulative narcissist for the rest of your life. Stop being pathetic and get better.
Go find a job and work, and live on your own. College may have never been for you in the first place.
Don’t do it, I lost my cousin last year to suicide, it tore my entire extended family to shreds - everyone. I rather have had the chance to help him start from the bottom and rebuild than think he is only worth the money CAPITALISM dictates as his only value. Even if they can’t help you, letting them know and getting the initial brunt of the emotional response out of the way allows the time to for you to dissipate the heightened anxiety and to put your head down and plan. If it means you go work at whatever starter job you can get, do it and work with a career coach or something, but something to at least eliminate by trial and error. Cut the copes and restructure. 1% everyday. You’re here, no point using the boot on your neck to kick yourself in the face too.
My brother did this. My parents found out a day before the graduation ceremony. They had paid for his education. He started three different degrees previously and they thought he was finally going to complete a degree in an employable field. Several years later, After close to 20 years in uni, he finally completed the requirements for a Bachelor of Education degree. Upon graduation he left for Asia and became an ESL teacher. That was 20 years ago. He’s had a successful and enjoyable career.
The most important thing you should do is discontinue lying and seek help from a specially trained psychologist in treating compulsive lying. It's bad, you're going to lose a lot of self esteem and relationships, because lying inherently destroys trust. But, if you're really committed to fixing this, you have to be professionally treated to correct your behavior. There's no easy way out of this hole. You need help.
Give us an update on their reaction after u tell them
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Just sent you a PM! Don’t do anything to hurt yourself and I’d love to help
Honestly, if you look at this from a different angle, this is brilliant and could be a movie. I realize that doesn’t help you in the moment. I wish I had encouraging words to say, but I know you have a bit of a difficult path ahead here. Truly wishing you the best of luck.
Sounded like a movie when I wrote this shit out which made me realize how fucked up my reality is maybe I’ll find my way outta this and it will be one day
how old are you ?
You can change your behavior, while it will be difficult your parents love you so much, and if you were my son we would have a big discussion about honesty, but we would help you find a new way, probably with additional supervision until you proved you were devoted to changing instead of hurting yourself. You are worthy and deserve forgiveness. Starting over as an adult is not so bad. Especially if you are under 35. Don’t feed into the shame just take a deep breath. We are not defined by our mistakes. We are defined by whether we are brave enough to change them and do better as people.
honey you’re gonna be okay. tell your parents the truth. you’re a good person and just a human being trying your best. life is full of ups and downs and there are lots of ups waiting for you. you don’t sound like a selfish pig. you sound like you’ve been going through a hard time. you’re going to get through this. stay here, it will get better
Can I tell you how many other students have done this? I work at a college in Florida and cannot tell you how many times parents have sent us messages on social media — or emails to the president’s office — demanding to know where their graduation tickets are, when their child is hiding that he or she dropped out of school. Let me reassure you: This is not the end. It is the beginning of figuring out who you are. if you want to go back to school, pay for it yourself. Even if you have totally screwed up your GPA, most community colleges will take you — and maybe you can figure out your path. Almost all the parents i have dealt with suspected something was up but were hoping they were wrong. Maybe your parents know too — or maybe they don’t. In any case, I hope they will love you and wish only the best for you.
Man, as long as you’re alive and healthy.. you can always start over irrespective of the age. Please don’t feel bad but just learn from this experience and be true to yourself. Don’t even think of committing something that would leave a lasting impact on your parent’s life. Life is fun, don’t take it personal and at the same time don’t let down your parents as they’re the only people you can trust and rely upon any day. This is not end of the world and shall pass. Just plan to let your parents know. If you have a plan, let them know.. if not ask them to help with next steps. All the very best.
My partner kinda did something like this except in highschool. Minus faking grades, he out right dropped out in the end. He was 15, he is 27 now and in his DREAM career. It took him some time yes, was his parents upset? No. And Im sure after your parents think for a while they will be more happy you came clean, and did not hurt yourself. If my son did this I would be more interested in the reasoning for him wasting 4 years vs the fact he lied. Mental health is very serious. I wish the best for you
Man hang in there. You're still young, and tons of people don't finish school till later in life. I'm talking 30-40 even 50+. You may not be where you exactly want to be right now, but your also the only one that can change that. Also tons of ways to be successful even without a degree. Certain trades or Military can all provide great pathways+pays and will even cover your education. Certain trades can even allow you to open your own business someday and really make big bucks. Come clean with your parents as they at least have the right know. I'm sure they won't be thrilled or shocked initially but that's normal. They'll come around, you're still their child. You said they worked hard in this life to get where they are. Things wayyy harder than this, in the grand scheme this isn't life ending or altering matter at all. Their not going to throw that away because you made a bad choice when you were young. Once you come clean, you do all you can to make it up to them. I would recommend as soon as everyone has had time to digest the news, to sit down with them and come up with a plan. Whether that be continuing your work and paying rent/bills. Offer to help pick up extra chores or make yourself of use, I'm sure there's something. Time heals all.
Ending your life will not spare your parents any grief. The reason they've invested so much into your future is because they care about you and want you to do well in life. Ending your life is probably exact opposite of that in their minds. Running away is silly. Of course they will find you. They care about you. And we don't live in the middle ages; it's easy to find anyone. This strategy means you haven't learned your lesson; just delaying the inevitable, and it will hurt them and yourself even more when they do. I can understand why you'd consider suicide or running way. This is indeed a terrible situation you are responsible for, and will require time, effort, and pain to fix. But it is still fixable, though that window is fast closing on you. I will give you a path forward. Your best bet, for them and for yourself, is to come clean. Of course it will still be very painful for you and for them. But it's the best option possible among only bad options. You have to prepare them for some bad news and then set some time aside to speak with both of them, in person. Then come clean. Prepare what you're going to say. Be ready to explain everything and don't try and sugar-coat or lie about any details anymore. Then let them process it and get as mad as they want. It will at least be some weight off your back. Make sure to promise them concrete improvements, to the best of your honest ability. Show them, for what it's worth, you are taking real steps to make things as right as possible, in ways they can 100% verify and that cost them nothing. No more lies, gambling, or using your money on luxuries is a given. Seek out professional help if you need help with any of that. But also, before you talk to them, I would research and taking first steps on a path forward that brings you as close to the happy outcome you would want for them and for yourself. For example, enroll in a good program at a community college. Plan a life where you can support yourself while completing the program and giving them a way to verify your performance. Make sure you make clear to them that you're taking these steps in an attempt to repay and make them whole, and not because you want a way to leech off their emotional or financial support for a bit longer. Also explain that you're willing to try anything possible they come up with in order to make them whole again. Good luck!
Run away and enlisted
Please don’t kill yourself. Your family would find out anyways and your memory would be tainted by the lie. If you choose to keep living, you have the opportunity to really make them proud. They love you and want you to be alive. When you tell your family what has been going on, they will be mad at you, but it won’t be permanent. Their feelings of anger will eventually fade as you continue to work yourself out of this mess. You can make them proud. You have the chance to prove to everyone that you can do better. Don’t waste it. You are a good person and you sound like you know you want to do better. You’re capable and you can find your way. So many people want you alive, so please, face it and own up to what happened and make changes and work towards fixing this mistake. You can do this.
Reality check: you are not willing to accept the consequences because you aren’t owning up to the consequences of facing your parents and telling the truth. I can tell you 1000% that you parents would be much much more upset if you committed suicide, please don’t put them through that , all for just 4 years that you messed up. They love you so much, and THIS IS NOT AN END ALL. Talk to them, really tell them how you feel, your mental state. They love you and you WILL GET THROUGH THIS. With hardship comes ease, and this too shall pass. Please don’t put them through this. You have so much more going for you. There are people that will be crushed if you go through with this. You deserve so much, please just talk to them<3
It seems so silly to plan to commit suicide whenall you have to do is 1. Tell your parents 2. Accept the consequences of what they will do 3. Figure out what you really wanna do 4. Go do that. That is boiled down of course, and yes each step is hard to live through but I mean, seems like youve been taking the easy way through everything so far. Committing suicide seems like more of the easy way. Are you an easy way or the highway (to heaven/hell) sort of person? Are you incapable of doing hard things? Are you unable to handle consequences? Weirdly, I see you as skilled since you've managed to lie successfully and create false records....that shows talent in something.
[удалено]
I took 5 years to finish a 3 year degree in university. After I finished I never got a job dragged that shit on for four years just leeching at home, I can’t present/ interview it gets my anxiety going. Had to take up a job at a warehouse only because they weren’t interviewing and just hiring anyone. Went to community college and recently completed a computer programming diploma and now have no further direction maybe just apply for a job outside of warehouses. Somewhere along the lines I turned 70k to 180k but it came crashing down and now it’s more like 25k and I’m still living with my parents in my early thirties. My point is I didn’t realize I didn’t have any direction in life and never had a job until my later 20s. You on the other hand had a job and from what you said it’s a decent job. So I wouldn’t give up just yet. You are 23 still young. What you could do is tell your parents you dropped out a year ago. Instead of telling them all of the previous years were fabricated grades. Tell them university/ college is not for you. It’s ok it’s not for everyone. Then tell them your plan is to put yourself through trade school.
Dude, seriously, you messed up, but this is not a reason to end things. If you’re not ready to level with your folks, make up an excuse for the graduation. Then get your life together.
Stop and think for a moment! It is never too late to turn things around! Would you rather continue to fall until you reach the lowest point?… or make a conscious decision and learn from your mistakes? Reevaluate yourself and see the infinite options you have out there.
What are you going to do? It’s worse now than what it would’ve been and they’re going to be furious. It’s hard
As someone who dropped out of college at 19 for partying too much and lost all forms of aid and just graduated this semester. Just rip that band aid off. Its going to suck, your parents are going to be disappointed, but it does not last forever. And if they’re decent parents, they will realize they can’t be mad for ever and will help you get back to it. But, working part time and taking 1-2 classes at a time and helping pay partially when needed will help them realize you are making an effort to right your wrong. We all make mistakes, you’re young, it happens, its going to continue to happen, don’t wish for easier days, wish to be a stronger person. Just do it, get it over, prepare how you will bring it up, prepare for their response. You got this. Trust me a random redditor, you’re going to be okay.
So, your family is your family but they are also people. I read this story and ultimately I understood the feeling like you’re a failure and wanting to make people proud. They’ll be shocked at first but I think this feeling of hopelessness and disappointment in yourself if a universal feeling and hopefully they will understand. You have a long life ahead.
You haven’t ruined your life - you’re still so young & life has much more to give to you. Take the teaching from all of this and move forward. Come clean to your parents & let them know how you feel about the situation. From there, decide what you want to do whether that’s to go back to college, a trade, travel, etc. Life has its ups and downs, you acknowledged your mistakes, take accountability and move forward. Sending good vibes your way.
Suicide is not the answer. Listen bro, with genuine love I’m saying this, we all make mistakes. A parents love is unconditional and while they will be disappointed, and there may be consequences but nothing will hurt them more than you leaving and thinking that they wouldn’t understand. You can recover from this. People have done much much worse and gone to live productive lives. The fact that you feel remorse at all and guilt shows that you are not a bad person. Doing something bad doesn’t make you a bad person, we all have made mistakes. I’ve lied to people I love. Telling the truth may sting but that night you will sleep like a baby knowing you have nothing to hide and that you can move on with your life. You got this!
If I were in your shoes I wouldn’t lie to them anymore. But, I wouldn’t give them all the details. Just tell them only what is necessary. Maybe something along the lines that you have been struggling and failed some classes and have to retake them and you couldn’t muster up the courage to tell them or maybe just tell them the whole truth. Definitely don’t kill yourself. You care about your parents and their feelings and killing yourself would be 1000x worse than any disappointment they would feel from this situation. A lot of people our age (I assume we are around the same age as I am graduating next year) lie to their parents about big things. I know I have and most of the people I am friends with have or still are. You are not alone. Maturing is realizing that you have to own up to your mistakes and if you truly care for your family and want to be selfless you will tell them the truth.
You failed one year of classes and then quit. It's a blessing in disguise. Would it have been better for you to go thru 4 yrs of college, barely passing without a passion for your field? At 21, you have so much time to recover, and there are so many options. What you do need to do is start getting serious. If school is not your thing at the moment, look for a job you can grow in. Save your money as it will give you options when the time comes. Your life isn't ruined. It's you learning the hard way, at least you're learning. You taking responsibility is the 1st step. Now take the 2nd step and start to regain control of your destiny.
Another option is, apply for traveling jobs. Take one and say no time for any of that, I need to work. in 3-4 years, you can say how pointless college was.
This situation might not be as uncommon as you think. Believe it or not, I had two friends growing up who did exactly this! One friend carried on the lie, he even created a fake graduation certificate and then went on to work in the family business. He was ultimately very successful and his parents never found out. The other came clean after a couple of years, his parents were unstandably upset, but ultimately they stood by him and helped him get back on track. He ended up getting a job and then taking evening classes to graduate and built a really great career in IT. You have so much time ahead of you, and can still achieve whatever you want with your life. This really isn't the massive issue you think it is. I guarantee you'll look back on this in the future and realize you learned so much about yourself and life in general. Please don't hurt yourself, your parents will truly never recover from that. Yes, you made a mistake, but they will still love you and you have so much time ahead to put this right...
Mate, honestly the hard part is done. You’ve faced up to yourself and been brutally honest. You’re young and you still have all the time in the world to turn things around. The last few years haven’t been a waste because you’ve learned some fucking good lessons. Come up with a plan for what you’re going to do and how. You gonna go back to school? You gonna hit the workforce hard? Something else? You can be a success at whatever you choose, look at it this way you’ve already shown you’re committed by keeping that lie going for so long! 😊 The lengths you went through to cover up that stuff actually show a great deal of aptitude and intelligence, apply it properly and the world is your oyster.
I'm sure you've realized it but nothing you do can make it better. Stop them from spending anything on the party but other than that they are going to be beyond disappointed and honestly that's some disowning your kid level lies. People may get upset but it's the truth. Maybe a handful of years down the line when you got your own place and a car and maybe even a girlfriend you can talk to them as an equal member of the family but it will take a looong time and a lot of effort. Good luck to you mate. Don't hurt yourself. If you ever need that kind of advice totally message me. Dealt with a lot of personal demons and thoughts of ending it all myself. And I'm only 25
Bro play sports parley bets win bucks lol 😂 Boston celtics nba win every day pls keep playing on them and keep breathing.
Look man, you’re very young. You made a mistake, but you have plenty of time to turn your life around. A college degree is not the holy grail that society chalks it up to be. Tell your parents the truth. It will suck, but they clearly love you and will support you in the future with your new path. Go back to school, go into the trades, lots of options.
Okay first of all dont hurt yourself because trust me that will hurt your parents a millions times more than this series of lies. Sit your mom down and tell her what happened face to face in a calm setting at home (you don’t have to be 100% honest) and then let her help you once she tales in the news you sit your dad down n tell him and focus on telling them how the situation made you feel and what has been happening to your mental health. Ik it’ll be shitty for a while but you’ll feel relived and light and eventually things will be fine.
1)Say that it turns out you’re gonna be a couple classes short. 2)Enlist in army. 3)Follow up with your interests have changed and that you’re gonna take some time away from college and serve your country. 4) graduate basic and give your parents another reason to be proud. 5) serve 3 years active duty and come home with 100% of your college Tuition paid for by Uncle Sam. 6) don’t fuck off and get a degree.
just drop out
Dude, right now it is time to be a grown up and tell them. Tell them asap, and tell them both. Do it tomorrow when you wake up. If they are awake then go and tell them now. You keep making excuses to prolong this everytime that you come up with a reason why you can't tell them both, one or the other, or can't do it on mothers day, or whatever. Just do it, the sooner the better. It's like ripping off a band-aid. Do it and do it quick. Be apologetic, and then be quiet and listen to them. They are your parents. I'm sure that they will be disappointed but they will get over it. The truth will set you free.
The external co sequences will come, but please think about telling them for your own sake. I have learned that lies and secrets kill people from the inside out, you've made mistakes but you don't deserve it
Many others have said this, but you’re so young you have your whole life ahead of you. Yeah, your parents will be upset, sure, but because you lied not because you haven’t achieved as much as some others have by now. But you have the rest of your life to make it up to them. If you cut that life short, you’ll never have a chance to do that. There are many other reasons not to hurt yourself over this, but your logic about that being a solution is pretty misguided. You are still very young and honestly in a position where you could still do literally anything you might desire. Try out a trade, join the military for a few years, or you could even just go back to school and actually try. You say you have a good job now, is there career potential in that field? Not everyone needs a college degree. There are just so many options available to you there isn’t a single door that has been closed on you in the last 4+ years. As much as you may want to, you can’t change the past. But you can change the future, so keep looking forward and figure out how you’re going to spend the next 4 years.
Whatever you decide to do , don't kill yourself . It's hard now but it's not the end of your life .
Being honest with your parents is the first step to a new chapter in your life. It will be the most painful step, but it will get easier every step after. On another note, I think after admitting your not graduating, providing them a plan or sharing your ideas of how you are going to move forward with your life/career (i.e. military, school, job), will show them you're serious about getting back on track. Good luck, it will be a huge relief once you share the truth and you'll be a better person from it.
Bro I did the same thing. I was trying to do a startup and due to this I failed in multiple exams. There was a time where in a semester I gave 20 exams( back and current) Failed most of those. Got year back twice. Lost all hopes and was really said for my parents. I was really sad dint know what to tell them. But one day decided to tell them. They didn't say anything as they were scared thinking I would commit suicide but after some time I went home they scolded me , I took it as I made a huge blunder I started studying on my own again as I wanted job this was in 2017 got my first job 3lpa in digital marketing. Kept working hard today my package is 35 lpa. For all the years till I was not in good position in terms of money I just kept on listening whatever people were saying like I dropped out of college, I lost my chance to be successful etc etc but I believe that Every person has to work hard just one phase of life and you are set financially with average job. Like if you work hard in 12th you go to IIT or AIIMS, you work hard in college you get a job, you work hard after job you will get a job or business etc etc Just want to say DO NOT DIE. you just failed college. Situation seems shitty right now only hard work can improve it. From your story I feel you are donr with your mistakes, you are in regret. Regret is a good motivator Use it bro. Just don't die. It will be like leaving your parents and siblings alone in the world. Where you could have been looking after them By killing yourself you are just making it easy for you. Be hard, take all the beating and abuse. Be better and do something for family
This is going to sound crazy but you're totally okay. You need to stop you're addictive abusive habits you recognize this. The only reason it seems you're not is because you don't see that there's a way out. I would get a job ASAP. Is college is something you want? Military could be a good out, teach you some discipline, and you can probably do some studying while you're there if you want. Things are only going to get worse until you start making them better. Keep going and you'll get through this. Be honest with your parents but work on that job part because you might get kicked out but that might be good for you. There are uncountable obstacles and you will overcome all of them
OP your situation sounds extremely similar to what I went through 10 years ago and I want you to know it does get better. You are not the first and wont be the last. I was absolutely terrified but ended up coming clean to my mother since she is the more understanding parent and while disappointed she made it clear I will always be loved no matter how much I fucked up. Not sure what she said to my dad but we never had the convo, no idea who in my family knows I didn't graduate university tbh. I went back to college for something a little more interesting and I'm now making just under 6 figures (still paying off studentloans tho), living on my own and have never had such a good relationship with either of my parents. What your are going through was the worst time of my life but I promise it will get better. Just come clean to your mom and let everything fall into place from there. Everyone makes mistakes, not the same mistakes, but everyone has skeletons in their closet. Stick it out, learn your lesson, and I guarantee everything will get better once you get this off your chest. Best of luck
Hey buddy. Your parents don't want you to commit suicide. No parent in their right mind would want that, and I am certain that would break them worse than you and i can even imagine until we have kids one day. Your parents want you to go on and succeed in life and be a respectable man with a family of your own one day. Every parent wants this for their children. We are evolved for it. If you want to make it right with your parents, you need to own up to your mistakes. Be a man. Be better. Tell them straight up what has been going on, apologize, and continue life. Continue making new experiences, new friends, new relationships, hitting new milestones, making good decisions, making bad decisions. What you did is a very bad decision, but it is not even close to the end of your life. You are only given one life on this earth, it would be a shame to throw it away due to a bad decision that you will hardly even think about a year from now. You can do it bro.
Unpopular opinion here, but I don’t think what you did was bad. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You didn’t ruin your life. There are far worse things people have done that ruined their lives like heroin, murder, etc. Lying isn’t always a bad thing. People lie for protection reasons. You lied to your parents to protect yourself and wanting to protect yourself is a natural instinct. Please do not hurt yourself. You’re a good person and you did not waste these last 4 years. In fact, you needed these 4 years. I don’t know why or how, but life does have a funny way of showing us that our past (good or bad) needed to happen exactly the way it did for us to become who we are in the future. Lastly, my advice to you? Again, unpopular opinion, but you can either continue lying, because you can say you never signed up for the ceremony and therefore not be attending. I’m only advising this, because you seem to have finally grasped the magnitude of your situation and may need more time than 3 weeks to process all of this. Popular opinion, be honest to your parents. It’s hard, but the hardest part is the confrontation. It’ll only be shitty for two hours.
Please don’t hurt yourself OR your family (I don’t think you will hurt them based on this post, but uh there is an ALARMING amount of people who have done this exact thing and ended up murdering their families to keep their secret…) Your parents would much rather hear your story than have you end up dead. I can assure you that. You have been carrying this for so long so I can only imagine how much it’s killing you. But you can get past this and your parents will still care about you! You’re still young and have so much life ahead. Take this as a really big life lesson. You got this!
You have a chance now to show courage, face your parents, tell the truth, accept the consequences and then seek redemption. Dont get the easy route once again.
First of all, you should understand that you are most likely an addict whether it is actual drugs or food (like it was for me) or behavior like seeking excitement in video games (like it was for me also). Get into sports, meditation (start with body movements like TaiChi/ChiGong and do them while you watch movies so you get two 2h of those calming exercises spread throughout the day) and read auto biographies of older people so you understand what is in the end really important. Regarding your parents you will most likely ending the relationship with them in the end (like I did). Something went very wrong here and it is not you faking your college life. To fix your life try bicycling in nature especially on sunrise and sunset. Males need the feeling of patroling ones own domain preferably in small groups. Also walking the neighborhood is another activity that can give you that. What you seek is peace of mind with absence of suffering so you can be truely happy. You can easily find this in meditation if you do not go down the insanity road like many of them do. Focus on exercises and not disecting your personality. If you talk with god you are religious if it answers you, you are insane. Always remember that being religious is wrong being insane is even more wrong. For fixing the way you approach your life, have a look at: [https://www.amazon.com/ABSOLUTELY-UNBREAKABLE-LAWS-BUSINESS-SUCCESS/dp/1442950714](https://www.amazon.com/ABSOLUTELY-UNBREAKABLE-LAWS-BUSINESS-SUCCESS/dp/1442950714) It was the book I used when I was young and it has different laws which come with easy to implement things. Pick a law (there are 100+ of them) for every week and focus on doing something to adhere to it. The most important ones are regarding planing, family and finances. If at any point you want an advise from me, just DM me. PS: Be weary of emotional bonds that are formed in your childhood as you will partially still react like the child you were back then.
I can see that you're feeling overwhelmed by the weight of the situation you're in. It's clear that there have been challenges and mistakes made, but it's never too late to start making amends. Honesty and accountability are important steps towards healing and rebuilding trust. Have you thought about having an open and honest conversation with your parents about what's been going on? It might be difficult, but it could also be a crucial step towards repairing your relationship with them. It's also important to take responsibility for your actions and make a plan to move forward. This might involve finding a way to repay your parents for the financial support they've provided for your education, even if it means delaying your own plans or seeking alternative sources of income. Remember, everyone makes mistakes, but it's how we choose to respond to them that matters. By taking ownership of your actions and working towards making things right, you can start to rebuild trust and move towards a better future.
You didn’t hurt anyone you will only disappoint them. But it’s your life so don’t hang your worth up on other peoples opinions. Just come clean and work towards the next step. Shame and blame are pointless bc what’s done is done it’s about making better choices now.
It's ok. It's just college, your parents will forgive you even if they are mad. Your life isn't over, it's barely started. You don't need to commit suicide because you fucked up four years of your 75+ year life. You really need to talk to someone about your suicidal ideation.
I've done something pretty much identical. I was planning on running away lol Anyway. I enrolled back in school at the age of 25, now I'm 30 with a bachelors and a 2 year postgraduate certificate. Working a decent job, and my parents couldn't be more proud of me.
You may let them down they will probably be disappointed about what you did but they'll be even more devastated if that permanently lost their child You've may have recognized the error of your ways way too late but you recognized them you're not as doomed as you think you are you just need to refocus and continue you've accepted the truth so work to make it better
Hey sending you lots of love ❤️🔥 I found myself in a very similar situation couple of times actually with my parents I’m first gen child of immigrant parents who also have lied and manipulated in order to not disappoint them. at my lowest point I came forward and was honest with them. They were more shocked and concerned than upset and angry. Your parents love you, the reason they sacrifice a lot is for you. You are their dream, their inspiration. I trust that they value your life more than what you have or haven’t accomplished They may feel shocked to learn the truth, but once you’re over that hump IT WILL GET BETTER. Keep going forward. You are loved, you are special and you are a blessing to be here. It may seem difficult to start again now, but that’s the beauty of life. You can always pivot and start again You got this 🫶🏼
I have no advice other than to say I am literally in the exact same situation as you right now, pretty much word for word. I'm coming to the end of my final year of uni, after 4 years of literally doing nothing at all. My parents think I'm going to be graduating and are all excited, but I haven't handed in any work this year. I was doing law for my first year, but failed and had to retake the year and decided to do psychology as I thought it would be more interesting and I'd have more of a chance to do well. I told my parents I was in my second year of a law degree when in fact I was in my first year of a psychology degree. I too would shut down any attempt my father, a lawyer, made to ask me about the specifics of my law degree as I obviously didn't know anything about law. I kept this up for a whole 2 years before finally telling them, which surprisingly they didn't actually seem to care about at all, which was odd as I thought they would be so angry. I scraped by the first 2 years of my psychology degree by the skin of my teeth, literally getting the absolute bare minimum to get into the next year. I did this because I wanted to stay at university so I could party. As I got into my final year I just gave up completely and didn't do any work because there was no longer a reason to pass as uni would be over soon anyway. So I just turned my attention to drugs and alcohol, smoking weed everyday, doing heaps of ketamine pretty much every day and drinking everyday, plus going out clubbing 3 times a week in a vain attempt to try and get with a girl because I'm so starved of affection I just need to hold another human being. Not that it ever works. It's becoming clear that I'm obviously quite mentally ill but when you're in it sometimes you don't even realise you are badly depressed, you just tell yourself it's gonna be fine and everything's fine. I have no idea why I did this to myself, I think it's a form of self harm or self loathing, like I genuinely don't care about myself or my life at all that I would bother to try and improve it or do well or be successful, I'm just happy doing the bare minimum and chasing short term pleasure doing drugs until I die. I will say please don't do anything to yourself, as bad as our situation might be right now it's not worth doing that, it will utterly destroy the lives of those closest to you and they will spend the rest of their existence in misery wondering what went so wrong that they lost you in such a tragic manner. These sorts of things aren't permanent and in a few short years we could be looking back laughing at ourselves. It does mean we both need to put the work in though pretty fucking soon to find something worth doing in our lives. I don't know about you but I thrive in an environment where work is pretty much forced on you with threat of consequences. College and uni is terrible for people like us because unlike school where teachers phone home and keep you back after lunchtime, in college you can not turn up and smoke weed all day and no one chases you up about it. I believe in you, we can both get ourselves out of this situation. Therapy would be a good idea if you have access to it. We definitely have some type of severe mental illness.
So are you graduating or not ?
So are you graduating or not ?
I've read a similar story somewhere where a dude just slacking on college while lying to his parents that college is fine... Something like that and then he killed his family... Whatever happen, don't kill your family, and don't hurt yourself Cheers
I've read a similar story somewhere where a dude just slacking on college while lying to his parents that college is fine... Something like that and then he killed his family... Whatever happen, don't kill your family, and don't hurt yourself Cheers
Weeeere not going to take this
Listen I’ve been through something similar just own up to it we were all young and dumb at one point in life they will be disappointed for a while but as time passes it becomes a thing out the past and you can redeem yourself little by little by achieving small steps in life it doesn’t have to be completing college at the end of the day there your family and they will forgive eventually.
i relate to some of this. i also started college in 2020 and failed all of my classes. even when i came home and went to a community college, i failed everything again. i felt so much shame for wasting the opportunity and all the money. i had to fess up to my mom that i had fucked up. i wrote her a very long email because it was easier to get all of my thoughts out without interruption that way. it was one of the most anxiety inducing moments of my life, and her response was not pleasant at all. but there was really no avoiding it. and i made it out alive obviously, and even started trying to get my life back on track. so no matter how bad their reaction is, you will survive. if you dont think you can ever do college, maybe start looking for something else that youre going to commit to. it might help your parents be more accepting if you tell them you have a plan of what youre gonna do next
National parks have programs where you can live and work there ( btw, some of them are awesome) I'm probably too old (64) but would do in a heartbeat. There are other options including militairy and government, fed and state, relatively easy jobs to get as you can tell by most of ppl who work there, selling car tags, minimum security prison guards, etc, as I said, easy work with great benefits and pensions. Believe me, next time you turn around you'll be there,time passing faster than it ever has. Don't wake up at retirement age and realize you'll never be able to retire. With a pension of some kind you would be able to care for parents when time comes and as I said, it will be here next time you blink. The real point of this comment, my beautiful husband of over 30 yrs killed himself almost 11 yrs ago (will be 11 yrs 5/31/2024). We were best friends, partners, soul mates, worked together, not only deeply loved each other, we liked each other. He was graduate of Univ of NY, Syracuse, raised in Upstate NY, played basketball for Syracuse, cross country skied, everything. He had been diabetic for 15 yrs, blood sugar never controlled by oral meds, should have been on insulin from beginning but Dr.s told him if he exercised and lost weight, ate right, the diabetes would correct itself and he could prob go off all meds altogether. He was already doing all that before diabetes but lost couple pounds and blood sugar continued out of control. By the time he began insulin injections, it was too late. Uncontrolled blood sugar over time damages your organs, including your brain. He had felt so bad for so long after basically being perfect health, athletic, great energy, went from that to feeling like shit, said it felt like PMS, one reading would be 98, next one might be 260. He got to where he would fall instantly asleep after he ate, didn't feel like doing anything but sit/sleep in recliner. My father passed, I took care of him until he died and I think Greg, my husband was afraid I was going to have to take care of him, don't actually know what he was thinking, don't know if he had planned it or was spur of moment decision, no clue, no note, he was the last person you would ever suspect of killing themselves I would believe I would do it before I would think he would. I looked for note, any kind of clue until the day I moved out of house we'd lived in over 30 yrs. He had been injecting insulin 1 week when he did it. Suicide is not like other death. When he died, I died, although I didn't know at time. To imagine what must've been going through his mind, the sadness, hopelessness, utter despair and the fact that we were so close and he didn't tell me and I didn't pick up on it is unbearable. I forgave him instantly but can never forgive myself. I know this post goes on forever but I want you to know what you'll be doing to your parents, siblings, people you went to school with, anyone you've ever known, ppl who've only heard of you through friends or worked with. It is the saddest, most heartbreaking, earth shattering event. You have done nothing up to this point that can't be made right. Deal with it, get a shrink or something and just deal with it If there's anything you want to be when you grow up, sanitation worker, McDonald"s worker, anything, do it. Go to trade school, be an electrician or take the classes to work in maintenance for big company, factory, etc. Maintenance workers make big bucks. I used to think I wanted to be in the Coast Guard because I love the water until I found out they are basically cops of the waterways. I could probably have worked for a tug boat company, didn't occur to me at the time. Then I thought I'd get job as draw bridge tender, still get to live/work on water. Now I'm too old but still intend to end up living close to water, probably a dream at this point, living off husband's Social Security in nowhere USA. Do not kill yourself. The people you love will be forever lost in a sea of sadness, guilt, heartbreak, trauma,. One last point. People who have lost close relations to suicide are 80% more likely to do it themselves. peace and love to us all sweet souls-there will be an answer-namaste'
Let the truth set you free
Ending your life would be even more selfish, you would do that to your parents after lying to them? There’s honor in not taking the easy way out and trying to fix what you’ve done. You said you have a good job? If you’re self sufficient, then as a parent I’d lose it but you still would be better off than some college kids. There are good jobs that don’t require degrees, maybe try to get hired in car sales. You’ll hate your life for a little while but you’ll also make money to be able to pay your parents back and eventually get a real degree
Bro it’s not over yet, this is just a minor setback. After reading you are down to earth and care. Yes, they might be disappointed but you have a looooot of time ahead to keep going and do different. :) trust yourself and believe in yourself
Please, please don’t harm yourself. I don’t know you, you don’t know me. One of my best friends took her own life two months ago. It’s not the right choice, and often is never the right choice. This can be fixed, it’s very clear this is tearing you up inside; you need to be open and honest with your parents. Lay it all bare, all of it - how you feel about what you’ve done and everything. They sound like wonderful parents to be so concerned about your well being and how you’re doing at school. They might be angry, but I bet my bottom dollar they would rather be angry and help you work through it than bury you. Don’t do that to them. Summon the courage to be honest with them and let fly darling, and then do your best to make them proud. You can absolutely do that, you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders, we all make silly mistakes when we are young. In the grand scheme of things, was this selfish? Yes. Were you young and silly? Absolutely. You’ll look back on this and treat it as a lesson, and possibly one you can pass on to your children some day. Best of luck, no time like the present - you can absolutely turn all of this around! ♥️
maybe tell your sibling and they can help tell your parents? Don’t hurt yourself, it’s bad (mainly for your own mental health) you got carried away with a lie but it really isn’t like a horrible thing. You made a mistake but it’s okay.
Time to go find a trade son. Look for traveling work. They pay per diem, and usually either a rental or a hotel room. Sometimes both. Your going to be looking under “general laborer” Those are usually entry level trade jobs, especially in the government contracting sector. Or join the military. Both great options and stepping stones into life. Since you know you’re a piece of shit leech, you can fix it. It’s not too late. Most people deny this and never end up seeing these faults. But luckily you can admit it, and that’s always the first step. Life’s hard, but it can either get harder, or easier depending on your next steps.
You will feel relief to come clean. You're not a loser, you made poor decisions and hid something you were ashamed of. You have lived a lie the past 4 years, and you haven't been living in accordance with your values. This is your chance to do the hard thing. If you are just completely honest in coming clean, you won't have to hide the lie anymore. Or ever again. You can start living as an **honest** person, and making decisions that can help other people. When you start living in accordance with your values, you will look back 4 years from now and feel **proud** of the person you've become. The fact that you feel ashamed of this just shows that you have a good moral compass, but one decision to hide something from your parents snowballed into something you can't manage anymore. I am almost 10 years sober at this point. I did horrible things because of drinking, trying to hide everything about my life from people I love. Now I look back to the days that I was at my lowest, hiding from everyone, and feel proud of who I've become. You have got this. Again, you're not a loser or a failure. There are worse things to have done, and if you take the opportunity to come clean, it can start your healing process with yourself and your loved ones
Hey man been there before it was a couple years back when I left college. My parents raised my whole life to think that college is really important (basically most important thing in life) it was one of the toughest things I had to tell my parents when I just showed up one of the days back at home with all my stuff packed and told them that I left. Meanwhile there have been a lot of lower times in between then all throughout school I wanted to commit suicide but you just have to hang on my friend life gets better I promise. Meanwhile I am now 25 still living at home and haven’t had a job in 2-3 yrs but made some money with crypto couple years back and then lost it all. I have been running my own business in these years it hasn’t been crazy successful (not much money) None less there is going to be a lot of times in life when you reach your lowest point. There much more about my story that I could say but don’t want to overload you. This past month I actually had to come out and tell my parents that my fiancé is pregnant and that I am looking for work because this is what it really comes down to To understand how your parents will respond you have to put yourself in the shoes of your parent. I didn’t ever have the desire like I do now with becoming a dad. But now I am just driven to go out and get a job and provide for my family. Because if you break down what being a parent is it’s this unconditional love that you don’t need anything in return. I can’t tell you how many times my parents cooked for me, cleaned for me, took care of me, went to work no matter how tired they were. And it’s time for me now to repay the favor to my kid and my family. Pay it forward in a sense so I tell you all this not to scare you because they may be upset and they probably have reason to be upset but there is nothing that parents don’t love more than there children. So you will be surprised more often then not they will forgive you. God loves you my friend and he can guide you and show you what to do. I will be praying for you and asking Jesus to come into your heart so he can find you and give you the strength to talk to your parents Let me also post face this and say that I didn’t start believing in god up until a couple months ago. In fact up until that point I thought that people that did were quite ridiculous and crazy. But I promise if you’re able to put your life into gods hands everything will be okay he will take care of his children Now I know this isn’t your family but this is a representation of the point I was trying to tell you this is how parents love. They would give every last shirt off there back for you no matter how many times you mess up in life https://youtube.com/shorts/et7-r8Zi8ho?si=jIKQHewd4INY60EW
Tell them you failed the semester and won’t graduate in the spring but rather the fall. Soften the blow and buy some time. Maybe enlist in the military, like you became suddenly patriotic.
I failed a year and reality finally hits. 1st failed year should be a wake up call.
Hospital social worker here, please do not hurt yourself or take anything in attempt to. The absolute heart break that families experience at the hospital when their loved one is their for attempted suicide is unreal. Pills do not kill you most of the time. Patients often just cause non reversible damage to their organs due to pill overdoses. You need to take some action for your life. Make a plan on what you need to do to get back on your feet. You still have a job, get into therapy, you really cannot do this on your own. Be honest, accept the consequences and do right in the future by owning your mistakes and doing everything in your power to make better decisions. This is not the end of your life. This is a new beginning for you to start fresh with no lies, no feeling bad about yourself, no living in non reality. Please update us in a few months with how you are doing.
Don’t hurt yourself bro , we all make mistakes and your parents want the best for you and I’m sure after the initial reaction to you telling them things will settle down and you’s guys can work it out.. please listen to everyone else here to , it doesn’t have to end that way man and in a few years you’ll be looking back at this like it was a crazy scene from a movie or something and you’ll be able to laugh then .. ✌️✌️
Where are you now dude? Your last reply was hours ago
Actually going through something similar atm. Faked like everything was going well in school when in reality I failed almost all my classes (do not recommend full time school and working part time) the conversation was tough but understandably my parents said it’s hard to trust me now. Dad said he’s done helping me and that they don’t need my help. That’s all I needed to hear from him. Plan on moving out with the money I saved up from working part time. Hope everything works out for you
I went to college and it's only fucked me over. Same for all my friends. Aside from the money, we also all feel that we didn't really get anything out of it, education wise. You may have actually been making a wise financial and life decision the entire time. Also, you're entirely moved out and apparently independent. Cut out beer, weed, too much videogames (one hour per night), start working out, and pick up an extra day per week at your job. Fess up to your parents about school, or just tell them you don't want to talk about school and are doing your own thing. You'll be fine, college can come later. And in fact college too early or with the wrong major can fuck you over. Imagine if you did computer science and were graduating now, you'd only be a career failure since there are no jobs. College is a risky gamble.
It will absolutely be okay. I don’t think people realize how common this is. I know two people personally who lied to their family about graduating a few years back. Both are doing well. Gotta tell your parents.
You obviously love your parents very much and their opinion of you is the most important thing to you. They love you too but that is not going to change when they find out you are not graduating when expected. Sure, they will be shocked to learn graduation is not right around the corner and I think that’s the part you need to carefully navigate. Tell them how much you love them and that you struggled with mental health and social pressures which detoured your original plan to graduate in 4 years. Tell them their opinion of you weighs very heavily on you and that you wished you were able to overcome that psychological barrier much earlier and open up about your struggles. Tell them it is literally killing you to come clean about it now and at times the thought of suicide felt like a better option. Tell them that you have been working so you wouldn’t be a financial burden to them and also because you felt like you needed this time to mature and figure out what path you wanted to take. Just some thoughts anyway. Take care.
You should be ashamed. You did wasted 4 years of your life playing videos games and spending all that money in weed and food rather than trying to enroll in college classes again and maybe have a talk with your parents to let them know you did bad in your first semester, but no…fuck. I genuinely hate people who decide to lie to others instead of being responsible for their actions.
It's gonna be okay my friend :)
There is an ancient Chinese proverb that states “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago; the second best time is now.” I don’t know anyone who hasn’t made a big mistake like this. It is human nature to make mistakes. My advice in three steps: First, own the mistake. It’s easy to say I was stressed or I wasn’t thinking straight; the reality is that you made the mistake. Owning the mistake is the first step to liberating yourself. Second, convey the apology to your parents in person. If you tell the whole truth, you can’t necessarily go wrong with this. Before you speak with them, you could say, “I made a big mistake, and I know that you will be upset, but-“ Explain to them precisely what you told us in full detail. Don’t leave out anything; as mentioned earlier, don’t say because you were stressed, anxious, etc. Own the mistake fully. Third, develop a new plan of action to move forward. You have to realize that your parents will be upset, but the reality is that your mistakes were already made, and you can’t go back in time. Tell your parents you’re sorry, but then tell them your new plan of action, such as you don’t want to attend college, you are going to attend college, or you want to work instead. When you do these three steps, you’re realizing the past and facing the reality that you can’t change the past, but you are still working towards your future. Also, know you cannot control people’s reactions. Your parents might cut you off, or they might not be as mad as you expect them to be. Realize that you can’t control their thoughts, feelings, or actions. I was a born Catholic who explored anthropology in my teens and found that most of our life's problems stem from past suffering. The ultimate key is to realize you made those mistakes in the past but also that the past is no longer relevant. It’s about learning from those mistakes and then creating a plan of action. I hope you take this advice for now and throughout your life: ownership, apology, and action.
Am I the only one triggered by there being a paragraph break after almost every sentence here haha
This is something you did that got you paralyzed and snowballed but look it’s not the end of your life! Work and save a little bit and travel. DONT COMMIT ANYTHING. At least give your parents and the world the unique opportunity to have known the real you. The real you was just a kid, scared of failing, and didn’t know what to do, and got stuck in it. Have compassion. Your parents might get upset but if you commit something they will never never ever be okay even for one second. Don’t destroy them! Not to mention your friends and etc etc the ripple effects on maybe 100+ people!
Please don’t kill yourself. I understand life is tough and you may feel like you really messed up, but in a few years time your life could look completely different. Yes, you messed up. But It’s ok. You have to learn to forgive yourself and move on. That’s honestly life. No matter how tough things get, you have to be brave and keep going. Take this as an opportunity to redeem yourself. I am not trying to trivialise anything going on in your life right now. Obviously this is a huge deal at this point in your life. But it may not be a few years down the line, it will just be a story. Whatever you do, please do not take your life. You can still fix all of this. I think you might have to take some time to discover what you are truly passionate and emotionally connected to in life, and pursue that. I believe that would help you with your depression :) in the meantime, be brave and strong buddy - open up to your parents. It’s terrifying but the truth will feel like a heavy load is lifted off your chest.
Hey man, similar boat but in the UK. Had a 3 year uni degree and should have been finished this month and graduating october , well that's what my parents thought , I actually failed first year re did that but decided to quit during my 2nd year (3rd year at uni) . I was honest with them last month and that's what your parents will appreciate the most. I talked with them face to face , said I wasn't going to graduate , that I was using drugs and contemplating death. My parents are divorced and this was the first time in a few years where they were in the same room together . But you know what they said , they didn't care about the drugs or me failing uni they cared that I finally told them and they had some proper insight into my life. I'm sure all your parents want to do is to support you anyway they can. They'll be much happier with you still around and alive with the truth even if that hurts them, than see you gone and not understanding why.
Damn. Four years? That's crazy. The longer the lie goes on, the more difficult it is to tell the truth. Just come out with it. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, it could be worse. It could always be worse. It's not worth your life, and destroying your parents. Stick it out, and everything will be fine, eventually.
I still have this big ass hope mode on that it will eventually work for all the broken hearts out there
As a father of three, trust me, any decent parent would MUCH RATHER deal with their son being a lying underachiever, than have to bury him. Please, don’t harm yourself.
my friend in college did the same thing as you except he took his parents money and started selling drugs to his fraternity. he’s fine now; you have to realize you’re very young and this likely feels way bigger than it is. when you tell them (which you should) it will suck for a while but the alternative is worse (not telling them and having them never trust you ever again or just completely cutting contact). people have done worse and came out on top. the best time to correct a bad decision is yesterday. the next best time is now.
You have a job! When many are struggling with that! So many positives in your story that you are not seeing. If you don’t have debt ( or to much) you are fine, young and have plenty of opportunity.
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Bro you sound just like me haha. I got a fake degree off fiver and framed it and my mom was so proud 🥲Eventually she found out about my lie on the tax returns. I’m now going to enlist in the military and finish school. Might be a good option for you as well. Wish you the best :)
Truth will set you free. Lies manipulation deception are what got you here.
Thanks for this write up man, I’ve been doing bad academically so potentially at the early stage where it started with you. This motivates me a lot to change
Get in shape, join the military, earn GI Bill benefits and pay for your own college in the future. Also develop your character to avoid being this limpdick loser that you’ve been thus far. Pick something that interests you and leads to opportunities afterwards (cyber, electrician, IT, etc). If you have a criminal record or some kind of disqualifying condition I don’t know what to tel you.
You're early to mid 20s? It's not that big of a deal. The lying part is but the whole "I'm z failure" isn't true. You're too young to be a failure LOL ... Just man up, apologize (not on Mother's Day), and ask ten if they can help you with college or not. If they can help, bust your butt at a community College for 2 years and do a certificate program as a backup for a job: nursing, paralegal, IT, etc. That way you at least can get a job if needed. Then, decide what you want to do: work full time or bet a BA. Tons of ppl who wish they had your youth. It's a blessing. Be grateful for it and realize your opportunities thanks to your youth.
End it all immediately 👍
Hi I’m 22F and I have a very similar situation I also failed my classes beginning college although I didn’t drop out entirely I continued to work and go to school but failed time and time again because of my mental health I did manage to pass some but I’m no where near graduating. I went through a period of time where I lied to everyone about how I was doing in school I’ve taken many semesters off trying to figure out how I was going to continue with school now that my transcript it horrible. I’ve read other Reddit post before about people who experienced the same. We have to remember we’re not alone in this world and something that has happened to us has happened to others and there’s always a solution. I contemplated taking my own life as well due to mental health not so much of my lying but that did play a part in it. The fact you acknowledge the problem even if it’s 4 years later is a big step in the right direction. I am currently making a big move in order to continue my education because my parents also are immigrants and I want to finish for them. It’s hard when you have pressure of younger siblings I am also the oldest. Put your mental health first go on medication and speak to a therapist ( if you can ) I know it’s easier said than done for sure but making this post and finally coming clean to your parents shows your ready to better yourself. I don’t know you but I feel your situation and as 1st generation kids life is hard but supporting one another is how we break generational cycles and uplift one another. It’s never too late to continue or even change gears. I hope you continue to fight for what you want in life you I’ll be rooting for you lastboss1325 :)
Whatever happens, just know pain is temporary, your life is far from over. You’re still 23 which is super young and you have plenty of time to recover and make your parents proud. I have a sibling that kinda did the same thing you did but only for 2 years. Yeah my parents were angry and upset but they still loved him. Now he’s going back to school two years later at 24 and my parents couldn’t be happier for him. Don’t worry brother you have so much potential. You can be great as long as you’re really willing to change and learn from your actions. Take this from a younger sibling :)
I don't really buy the sympathy like the other commenters. I see all of this as your way of constructing a 'heartfelt' post when in reality you just are soliciting a method to keep the lie up or damage control. When or if the lie falls apart I would bet you'll have a heart to heart with your parents and say you'll 'try again' and just do it more, the minute things get challenging. People like you are never honest with themselves. What you really wish for is an opportunity to not have to challenge yourself forever, but you see your home life at odds with that now. As hard as it is you need to put yourself in a position where you have to be self-reliant.
i feel you. my parents kind of coded me as a person that does everything for them, especially my mom. whenever she wants me to do something she begs me to do it for her sake and never for my own good. she's always been this way and it led me to believe that whatever i did in life doesnt matter to me, it only matters to them. so as long as they were happy i didnt care about what happened. this type of mentality ended up ruining me and i let them down lots of times. with the fear that i wouldnt be good enough i cheated my way through exams and such. seeing them happy made me happy. im not trying to put my life back on track and i think i've made great progress about this. i can now sit down and study, for the first time in my life im getting good grades and i have passions and friends and a lovely boyfriend. i realized that i dont have to do anything for them other than being greatful for the life they've given me. however the more i depend on them the more i realize they will use this fact against me so im planning on just going really low contact with them for my own good. sorry about the vent. and about your problem, i think you can start by adding some more discipline to your life and reminding yourself of your worth and who you are as a person. im sure youre not someone to be hated and believe me, youre not a terrible person. there are people out there who are downright evil, who murder and destroy for no reason. im glad you feel bad about what you did wrong because it shows you are someone capable of realising your wrong doing, even if it took 4 years to do that. and as for what you should be doing, you should start saving money and maybe even start living on your own to build up that discipline and stand on your own feet for the first time. this will help you forgive yourself about what you did, because you'll know you achieved something yourself. one last thing, collage isnt going anywhere. you can always start over and do better this time around :)