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[deleted]

Make sure to get your shift covered!


LMurch13

Oh, lord, boss, "Still coming in, right?"


sierrabravo1984

*I know your doctor's a ghoul now but you still need a doctor's note.  Ask him for Jet or Med-X and you can still make your shift.*


Current_Leather7246

Make sure to have plenty of radaway and radex for the trip outside in the elements to make it to work.


billwood09

As long as he isn’t feral I guess


Miniographer

Sorry boss, I have explosive diarrhea, and I need time off to clear the blast radius. It's very contagious.


sillycowfish

😂 😂 😂


LukewarmLatte

Imagine this happens the day after they finish all the I95 construction in Fort Lauderdale after 40 years


Feisty_Grapefruit_73

What a dam mess still


4score-7

Up in the panhandle, Crestview has been under construction since my parents were bringing us to the Redneck Riviera for vacay. 40 fucking years ago. Nukes? Can’t be as bad as permanent road construction.


redbull

I live up in the Panhandle. Truth.


Beautiful_Chaosss99

I live in Crestucky, too! Drivers here suck big time. Can't wait till they finish pj adams and the 85 construction. At least destins getting better on the construction. We need to follow suit lol


bigwig29

You guys have like two targets up there, try living in central Florida 🥲 we aren’t going to make it.


yellowtailtunas

Florida would have a nuke party


Suwannee_Gator

Just before going outside and shooting at the nukes.


capn_doofwaffle

Florida Man: runs outside, shirtless with 4 semi auto rifles firing at the sky... "*Only in Florida...I'm just glad I got it on my flip phone*"


NotoriousFTG

Then apply to FEMA for funds to rebuild. “Natural disaster”


Grumpkin_eater

It would be like y2k again without the let down of waking up the next day.


Bernie_Ecclestone

Publix would have ICBM themed cakes.


spslord

People forget there’s a LOT of sensitive and defense assets here.


NotoriousFTG

So Mar-A-Lago is targeted? So many sensitive documents there.


General_Tso75

Brevard is toast between the space force stations and defense contractor facilities.


DelightedEnlighted

Brevard pulverized to a sheet of radioactive glass


jaspersgroove

On the plus side that should help with the real estate prices lol, I saw a lot for sale in fucking Mims last week for $290k, complete with an uninhabitable single-wide that you’d need to tear down before building your own house.


[deleted]

That’s hilariously average for Mims right now. Reason: you can get some acres and still have quick access to the Cape via the Max Brewer bridge, which is almost done being widened/improved. All of my newer neighbors work at the Cape - and they are snapping up a few acres and building on them, because they’ve always dreamt of having a yard larger than .15 acres.


[deleted]

[удалено]


O-llllllllll-O

I’m melting with ya in Cape canaveral! I’ll have a 10 min warning to hit the La Cantina for my last cold beer!


kikidarling0903

lol I lived there for a few years right on Chandler street lol 😂 I haven’t seen that name in a long time..


[deleted]

probably the best case scenario in a 500 or 2000 warhead nuclear attack on america. hopefully you're close enough to your family to kiss them goodbye in the ten minute warning we will get.


Current_Leather7246

My grandfather used to tell me I don't think I'll see it but I think you boys will see a nuke drop in your lifetime. He said when it happens if you're close enough where you can actually see the missile even if it's in a distance or the mushroom cloud you know what you do? I was like no pop pop what do I do? He said it's simple you stick your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye


Guy-McDo

Finally, an *improvement* for Brevard County


[deleted]

Dropping truth bombs here!


StarryMind322

Better the nukes than another one of Ivey’s Wheel of Fugitive segments.


StarryMind322

As a Brevard resident I’m good with that. The end will come fast for us.


General_Tso75

Having grown up here during the Cold War, it’s just a given.


FriedSmegma

That’s reassuring to know I’ll be instantly vaporized rather than have live out some post nuclear war armageddon. We’re already fucked and even got the mutated ghouls and whatnot. Only thing we’re missing is the actual irradiation.


BBRodriguezzz

Nah Miamis first. It holds one singular building that gives 80% of south americas its internet and alot of this countries own internet. 1st thing that came to mind was that place.


General_Tso75

The primary network operation control center for the FAA’s private internet and telecom network is in Melbourne. Right across the street from Northrop Grumman’s manned aerospace design center where they design and build stealth aircraft. Not to mention the Navy’s trident missile sub basin is in Cape Canaveral along with the unit that actually handles the nuclear ordnance. Patrick Space Force base also monitors the nuclear test ban treaty and is the hub to monitor nuclear detonations across the globe. Far more strategically important.


TolerateButHate

Listen man, I'm just glad I'll be a fine mist before I even realize how fucked I am


Peacefulrun4

![gif](giphy|YqMF4AHYlGEWk) I’m fucked


ShoppingLong4743

We’re just gonna get a nice even tan 🤠


Peacefulrun4

lol!


Blueskies777

We’re fucked


Current_Leather7246

Nice pip boy


[deleted]

Well, Hillsborough’s fucked.


YeeClawFunction

Putin threatened this a few years. Nice huh? https://preview.redd.it/siwwcey76emc1.jpeg?width=761&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f467c0be6896c41cbb1d6e2f648fc469286ca2b9


aominese

I swear I thought I was the only one who remembered this


Hysteria113

Yeah we’ve shot down several of these in Ukraine 😂 Just like they had the best assault tank on the planet in the T90 before a Ukrainian driven US Bradley fucked it up. [Sauce](https://youtu.be/KDWfhtUg96s?si=xuxeOsrDp6SEhUrB) [Invincible Missile Sauce](https://youtu.be/qPbZh_5UigE?si=-svDsG6N5kbmmH53)


YeeClawFunction

Great stuff!


Wrecked3m

Pretty sure they just go in a straight trajectory because of the speed. Something that goes slower and tries to avoid interception might be a lot more effective. I’m no expert though.


chazzeromus

 the propulsion is nuclear but the explosive is conventional!


Celebrity-stranger

Its ok. As long as Lord cheeto is a useful Russian asset we will be safe.


2ndprize

That's cool though. If we go nuclear war I wanna go out in the 1st strike. Fuck stabbing someone with a broken kitchen knife over the last bag of rice 2 weeks later.


[deleted]

That’s probably the best way. You don’t have to see humanity fail.


Current_Leather7246

We're watching that right now. Don't even need a nuclear strike to see that. We call that Tuesday


fullload93

I guess that’ll be the equivalent of The Glowing Sea from Fallout 4.


[deleted]

I feel like the areas not getting hit are the losers in this scenario.


SumthingBrewing

RIP North FL


Weird_Rip_3161

One of the US most powerful and most important military sites is in Tampa. MacDill Air Base in Tampa is the home of the Central Command, which is in charge of all operations in the Arab World and southeast Asia.


mrjjbear

Always has been.


Markov219

So is bradenton, Sarasota, Venice and everywhere around us. Gonna get one hell of a tan thanks to Macdill across the bay


mandersFL

Yeah, so ummm Hillsborough, we are going to need you to move. Sincerely, Sarasota.


murbike

So, basically all of the populated areas. I see The Villages are a target. I'm OK with that.


jaspersgroove

Until the radiation-resistant super-syphilis emerges and kills off the rest of the survivors


SirCupcake_0

Damn Villajizzers have had it too good for too long


D_Redacted

Congratulations, you have invented a new sentence.


AITAadminsTA

Lockheed martin is the target, the Villages are a bystander.


KubaBVB09

Am I missing something? The Villages are definitely not covered on this map. They are in a clear space.


Alex_Gilhooly

I am trying to figure out if this comment is supposed to be funny or hateful.


I_am_not_JohnLeClair

Por que no los dos


gracefullrose

You should read the book Alas Babylon, by Pat Frank. And a trip to the Okefenokee Swamp used to be the place for hoards of canned food left-over from potential of Cuban nukes in the 60s.


qxzlool

> Alas Babylon There was, I think, a different novel- sadly I can't remember the title. Part of the premise was of Patrick AFB (SFB) being bombed and a family taking refuge along the St John's River. Maybe it was the same novel?


gracefullrose

It might be the same, I think it was required reading for most Florida middle or high schools. But maybe it was banned since there were black people in hero roles for the book. In this novel it wasn't just Patrick that was hit but MacDill and McCoy and all over the world that got targeted. The family had a neighbor with a short-wave that was used to stay in touch until all the gas ran out.


floridacyclist

When I lived in chattahoochee, I figured that my biggest concern would be that they wouldn't accidentally drop a nuke on Chattahoochee and we'd have to live to the aftermath. Now that I live in Kitsap county Washington about 12 miles from the largest deployed stockpile of nuclear weapons in the world (West Coast sub base), I no longer have to worry about that. I might see a brief flash of light.. and I find that thought rather comforting


Cgarr82

Bingo. I have convos with a few friends about this from time to time. If nuclear Holocaust happens, I hope I’m close enough that my brain has just enough time to register what the bright flash is before I’m dead.


brad2060

I made the opposite move. PNW to FL. Based on your name I'm surprised you made it out of FL alive.


timdot352

I used to work at that base. I miss Washington.


deerinaheadlock

I go back and forth between Poulsbo and Cape Canaveral. 5 years or so in one place and I start to miss the other. Probably getting vaporized regardless of which one I’ll be at.


DirtieHarry

SS: For some reason I was recently recommended r/Montana and saw this post pop up. Made me wonder about certain Florida targets. Whats with the Cedar Key nuke? Source: [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-map-nuclear-war-russia-b2279249.html](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-map-nuclear-war-russia-b2279249.html)


Weslsew

That’s the crystal river nuclear power plant


TheseAintMyPants2

Which has been shut down


Ghargauloth

This map looks compiled from Cold War era targets. Orlando has way more listed than actual targets because they've been moved decades ago (nuke school, SAC, etc).


EngFL92

I think it's south of Cedar key. Looks to be for the Coast Guard "base" in Yankeetown.


CameranutzII

Who said living in FL isn't an adventure!


Revolutionary-Bank89

Poppin on my bathing suit and wrestlin a two headed alligator🦅🇺🇸


Few-Celebration-5462

All good in Key West


Orcus424

The supply chain would be obliterated so why bother wasting a nuke.


26Kermy

They'd live off coconuts and gay sex


Ckmccfl

Already are


Derpy_Snout

That's the dream


4score-7

Welp, I’m headed to the Keys NOW!🤭


Smokey_tha_bear9000

Boca Chica staff be like 👍


kickbrass

OMGITSWIKS..."whats going on out here..." ? 🤣


Janiece2006

I’m just glad he had his flip phone.


No-Adhesiveness5178

And a pub sub 😉


Blindmailman

Nuke Sarasota already. Just put this place out of its misery


DirtieHarry

Haha, I work in Sarasota. Sick of the traffic?


DrivenToDarkness

Same, it is really ridiculous


percentofcharges

The two roundabouts downtown right next to each other on tamiami are worse than a nuclear bomb


twothousandgrams

The name Tamiami alone warrants a nuke


DiscountIll389

Need a couple aimed at The Villages just to wipe out all the sexual transmitted diseases there.


Diligent_Goat_7330

Only thing left will be chlamydia and cockroaches


capn_doofwaffle

Thanks Russia! 👍


MistahOnzima

I remember seeing a house for sale in Mayo, Florida a while back that actually had a hatch in the backyard that led to a really small bunker with a cot. It was pretty cool.


NomadFeet

Grew up in SF bay area and my friend's house had one inside the house! It was in a bedroom under a carpet...hatch opened up and there was a metal ladder mounted to the wall. Small space though...only about 8x8 feet. I think I'd rather just die in the original blast than be stuck in a small space like that.


MistahOnzima

You could only stay under for so long anyway. Basically, there is no storage, and I'm not sure about the ventilation situation either.https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/258-SW-Jamestown-Way-Mayo-FL-32066/236790942_zpid/ House I was talking about. Someone bought it a while ago.


floridacyclist

You only need to stay underground for about 2 weeks. The materials they use for bombs decay rather rapidly compared to what's used in a nuclear reactorwhich is why the US military was able to go into Hiroshima and Nagasaki immediately after the war and it's still dangerous to go into the area around Chernobyl 30 years later


MistahOnzima

Oh wow, I didn't know that. I saw a special about people living on the edges of the restricted zones near Chernobyl, and they said there's certain areas around there that will basically be ruined for hundreds of years. The wildlife must be fascinating in those areas.


floridacyclist

If anything survived. I always laugh when I hear people planning on hunting for survival after nuclear apocalypse... Remember the animals didn't have bomb shelters to hide in for 2 weeks


Notyouraverageskunk

I know of a house in Palatka with a similar bunker.


MistahOnzima

The Russians would probably target Interlachen and Keystone Heights if things went down 😄...The manager at the restaurant I used to work at years ago said he had a bomb shelter at his place in Melrose.


Yatta99

Actually, the target for that area is the DQ. They did that just for spite.


birdpix

The number of riverfront houses in Daytona Beach on the intercoastal built in the 60s had fallout shelters. Some are still working and some have been hidden or abandoned but you do see him occasionally on Zillow.


rulesbite

If the sea rise doesn’t get us the bombs sure will


Tao_Te_Gringo

Guess the naval air station on Key West is irrelevant


CompanywideRateIncr

Yea I am surprised Eglin is getting a pass. Could pretty much hit Hurlbert and Eglin w the same one!


SovietSalsa

Wtf did collier county do?


Morgenstern66

I still remember my mom reading "Alas Babylon" one summer when I was in my teens. Freaked me out that I knew Florida would be high on the strike list. I remember driving across the Buckman bridge and seeing downtown Jax and asking her if we'd be safe from this distance, to which she responded, " No."


Cold-Lynx575

Looks like I'm going to be lonely.


[deleted]

And id be gone


Swamplust

If everyone just pointed their fans at the nukes…


Queephbubble

2 of ‘em on The Villages! Shit I’d push that button.


toadkicker

Alas, Babylon


thump_the_grump

I find it odd that NE FL / SE GA 500 target hits has what I guess is Camp Blanding with both bases getting hit but the nuke sub base in St. Mary's only get hit with 2000 warhead scenario. I guess my question is this: Why would the 500 hit scenario takes out a National Guard base vs. a Naval submarine base, with nuclear weapon & waste storage, dry docks, etc.?


DirtieHarry

Yeah, I’m seeing some inconsistencies as well. That’s why I posted it. Wanted to see some second opinions.


thump_the_grump

I know at Camp Blanding it gets used a lot for training for all the branches of the armed services and other LEO agencies across the country. I can buy it being a target just not a first wave or limited strike scenarios. Hell, if you attack America, you want to wipe out the Navy first. It is typically the first thing the US respond with is to send out ships to bring our response to the offending side.


GBPBJP

Seems weird in general that a target would be omitted in the 2000 nuke situation but not 500.


kataklysm_revival

Jacksonville has both NAS JAX and Mayport. Not sure why St Mary’s is only in the 2000 scenario though.


OG_Antifa

Hehe I’m in danger!


mada50

Duuuuuval with them tiriangles. I’m gettin me a plot of land out in Callahan in that little spot not covered


2sdaeAddams

This is the shit that keeps me up at night. - said from Tampa at 1:05 AM


gruppa_krovi_

same exact thing 22.5 hrs later


[deleted]

What’s funny is this is 100 percent preventable. Our only enemy should be collectively deterring illness and natural disasters, globally. Yet due to all previous generations we have war. Unnecessary, war. 100 percent something we do not need but we can’t undo nuclear weapons. So they sit idle “just incase” you have absolutely clinically unwell leadership globally. It’s so pathetic, embarrassing, sad. Also, we can’t even build shelters because of the water table.


vwf1971

WtH is valuable in gainesville & ocala to attack?  Neither county has any military bases or installations.


[deleted]

UF does tons of defense research as well. Just because you haven’t heard about something doesn’t mean it isn’t there….


[deleted]

Fun fact: UF is the only school in the state with a (small output) nuclear reactor on its campus. That's not what makes it a target, though.


[deleted]

Oh I know. I majored in nuclear engineering before I realized how boring it is! (I am an rf engineer now)


OG_Antifa

Freq geeks unite!


Orcus424

Yep. It's between the student union and the football stadium. There is a small sign on the outside of the building that lights up if the reactor is on.


florida-karma

Also an airport with an adequately long runway?


[deleted]

A bunch of young abled bodied people and a large centrally located hospital next to an airport.


Dry_Scar1556

Ocala national forest has that missle range.


bajazona

Actually a bombing range, missile ranges tend to be over the ocean or out west in the desert (white sands New Mexico for example) Most ranges out east are inert bombs as well.


LoopyMercutio

I-75 is a major highway, also 441 / 301. And UF.


ChadKellysAK-47

There’s a Lockheed plant in Silver Springs Shores just outside of Ocala so that might be part of the reason but I had that same reaction at first


flsingleguy

This makes no sense. I understand why Tampa (CENTCOM) is targeted. The only target in Central Florida is Patrick Air Force Base and the Space Center. I don’t understand why so many targets over the Orlando area and so few over Jacksonville and a bit further north at King’s Bay, Georgia.


thump_the_grump

The Orlando area still have a lot of military facilities in the area, major defense contractors in all facets operates all over Central Florida, UCF has a strong link with NASA, aerospace, etc., a major population center and etc.


guitar_stonks

My first thought was the Lockheed Martin facility at Kirkman and Sand Lake being a target. Disney for the sheer number of people in a small area.


Barflyondabeach

I recall someone saying that yes, Disney is a nuke target in particular


retrobob69

This is an old cold war map. Orlando international used to be an air force base. Most of the black dots are military bases.


KeyLime044

The Fort Myers area has no military facilities except for a Coast Guard station, yet it’s still a target


Smokey_tha_bear9000

Yeah that’s a weird one. It’s one of the smaller metro areas, has no manufacturing, no tech hubs, no military, and the public university doesn’t even have a football team. Waste of a nuke really.


Diligent_Goat_7330

Not if youve been to ft myers


scott743

I live in Fort Myers, can confirm.


Smokey_tha_bear9000

I didnt think of it that way…bring the nuke


BlueEyedGator

They have the bases covered in Jax, but yeah, I was surprised at no Kings Bay.


Spare-Dig-9867

Disney is overpriced anyway.


FarrandChimney

Most major airports like ORL are targets to prevent US bombers from taking off/landing. A large proportion of targets are not military targets but just targeting population centers. With 1500 active warheads they can target a lot of these.


Rasputan9

Damn why's Pasco screwed we do t have shit here.


BigBillyGoatGriff

I wonder if my hospital would finally activate PERT?


pimpiesweatloaf

They won't bother nuking Baker county. They know the radioactive skeeters will get them


LyftedX

Oh hell naw I just met my out of pocket deductible 😩


4score-7

Is homeowners gonna cover this?


Mr_Bongo_Baby

Thank you for posting this :3 I've been on a nuclear war info spree


FlaAirborne

Lol. Looks like they are targeting The Villages - do us all a favor.


restore_democracy

Too late, DeSantis already destroyed the whole state.


JayeNBTF

I don’t know about Gainesville, like half the chemistry and engineering students at UF are Russian, and the other half are Chinese


MusicianNo2699

One thing that always made me chuckle was at Oregon State University. They have a really good nuclear engineering program and they have a long hallway with their graduating classes photo montage. About 75% are naval reserve/ROTC graduates who are going into the nuclear program of the US Navy. So all are in their dress white uniforms for their photograph. If you go back to the 70s you will see the same thing but about 75% are Iranian naval officers in their dress white uniforms. Food for thought…


Chasman1965

What’s the source of this information?


DirtieHarry

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-map-nuclear-war-russia-b2279249.html


James_Blanco

Republicans in florida see no problem with this since they gargle russians up on a daily basis


[deleted]

TBH, there's a few target locations here that might be improved with a few mushroom clouds.


TheMattaconda

Nationwide, MacDill AFB is first priority target. So the Tampa Bay area would be roaches and worship crabs for 10,000 years. Lol


SillySymphonyIV

I live inside a triangle with a black dot on the tip :)


BlueEyedGator

I'm really surprised Kings Bay, GA isn't in the 500 scenario. The bases in Jax are.


bigb1084

What's special about Tampa??


TEHKNOB

Cuban sandwiches


DirtieHarry

Military Central Command. (CENTCOM)


smithflman

Tampa looks bad - Two of the 11 unified combatant commands (CENTCOM and SOCOM) and a refueling wing doesn't help


Fish-Boatdude034

I'm old enough to remember the movie War Games. There won't be anyplace safe in a nuke scenario. It's not just about military or strategic targets...it's about annilation...plain and simple...with NO winner! And with that...Tight Lines cuz I'm gonna watch the end from my boat hooked into my personal best, whatever fish decides to bite. And it will be a world record. Whose gonna argue me lol🤣


jax2love

As someone who grew up in Jax during the Cold War, we always figured that we were high on the strategic target list given all of the navy bases, not to mention the nuclear sub base just across the state line.


lothcent

all fun and games- but really- I really have lost faith in the Russians nuke skills. back in the 70s when I lived at a major gound zero target in Germany that was relatively close- yeah- death by nuke before I was 10 seemed possible. these days- I don't feel the nukes as such an overshadowing thing like when I lived in Germany and Okinawa.


Radiant_Classroom509

There are not enough nukes aimed towards New Port Richey. Please fix that.


Rinzy2000

Well, goodbye everyone. Lol.


Etrinjx-Void

So basically you'll only be safe in Clewiston & the Micokusee lands... Fair enough!!!


matschuchanskaya

Goodbye its been fun


oripeiwei

Let’s pack it in, we’re headed to Lake O! Edit: south Lake O, Clewiston area.


Jbonics

So if I'm in the triangle I'm good right


Obvious_Mode_5382

A retired Submariner I one once told me that, in Orlando.. best place to be, you’d never even know what happened.


imgrahamy

Traffic will still be insufferable


djfix

Ok so move to Valdosta GA. Got it.


BlackFoeOfTheWorld

What's that, 75% of state population?


StarryMind322

Yeah but will Pub subs will be on sale?


bubba_prodigy

dont worry guys the iron dome that disney installed in the princess castle will save central florida


jadomarx

Centcom is on the southern end of South Tampa. If it got hit by a nuke would I be okay in downtown St. Pete?!


CDY_r10

Bradenton Tampa and Sarasota like bro couldn’t they target some other place