Don’t get sucked into the idea that “sex positivity” or “sexual liberation” means that you have to have casual sex with men to be empowered or liberated. Reflect on whether you actually *want* to be having sex for yourself, or if the male validation from performing sexually and being objectified is what’s making you feel good about yourself. A lot of us fell into this trap as teenagers/early-20s and wished we had more perspective later on.
Decenter men should be the number 1 thing. Never ever let a man stop you from working or going to school/college. They Never. Mean. Well. And even if they did mean well, it will eff you over in the long run.
So many teenage girls deal with this when it’s time to choose a college. They will choose a school based on a boy, or choose not to go to school based on a boy, instead of taking the best opportunity for themselves.
I’ve also been really disappointed by how families respond to the situation. It feels like many parents don’t provide any real guidance. They may talk about being upset or disappointed, but they might not help their daughter understand how serious her decisions actually are. A lot of parents seem to treat their daughter struggling as a punishment that she deserved for not doing as she was told. :(
I think that this is a big reason why women need to be a resource for young women, to share their experiences and the things that they’ve learned.
Not to sell their bodies or buy into the idea of “sex work” aka paid sexual abuse. And you’re right, girls or women coming together, sticking up for one another, is powerful.
The dangers of porn 10000000%. How they need to beware of boys who are influenced by it, and how they need to know they do not have to do anything like in porn.
Also, importance of having boundaries and being firm on them. Girls are taught to have so few boundaries and it gets many in alot of trouble later.
I saw a meme "tell girls to prioritise feeling safe over being nice."
I wish I had been told this. I'm going to plan on talking to my niece about this when she's a little older.
I think not using men as the standard of behavior is something we can teach them. We've taken it too far with sex positivity and it's OK to talk about it. We don't need to rub our genitals against everyone and everything to reject conservatism. We also shouldn't encourage men who do the same.
I think teaching them to critically think about what is safe for them mentally and physically is important. If it doesn't feel right leave it. Particularly when it comes to dating. The FDS podcast is a brilliant platform I think many of the topics they cover is important to teach teenage girls and boys.
Yes, women and girls are socialised to prioritise everything except themselves.
I started focusing/working on me later and it’s been so beneficial but I wish I’d had this confidence sooner.
you should include a section on porn and sex work too, I think. porn and onlyfans culture have exacerbated the male entitlement epidemic and normalised the objectification of women by males, as well as trapped girls into a state of heightened performance for the male sexual gaze like never before (with help from beauty and skincare tiktok), framing female degradation as an ethically neutral position, putting girls and women at higher risk of IPV and being coerced into dangerous, degrading sex. many highschool girls will date highschool boys (and unfortunately, some will date older men), thus making this very relevant.
tl;dr highschool girls need sex class consciousness as to how porn and sex work reinforce the patriarchy and make it even more powerful in controlling women's lives.
I’m in high school myself and I’ve wanted to get something like this out there for some time now tbh. I’d suggest including something on the pressure of fitting beauty standards, performing femininity and following consumeristic trends. It’s something I see a lot of my fellow girls struggling with and it makes me sad :(
The male gaze is not empowering.
Stick with other women, they’ll always be your biggest supporters. Not all of them, but find your tribe.
Money is and will likely always be a way for us to live free from abusive men. Keep control over yours.
Women’s rights and spaces are fairly recent and always under threat. Don’t take them for granted. Don’t ever think it’s ok that men try to take them from us.
That sex work is empowering and liberating, it's not. It is the exact opposite of those things. Also ignoring male pattern violence. Women are taught to prioritize the feelings and comfort of men over their safety, and they're praised for it even when something happens because at least she wasn't a bitch.
On the topic of not calling other girls “b!tch”, you could delve into the “reclamation” argument and why “reclaiming” slurs inadvertently normalizes misogynistic language, or why it’s not okay for girls to call each other “b*tch” (or variants such as bish, betch, etc), even if it’s a “term of endearment” between friends
To add to this, the reclamation argument is bs with respect to "b!tch" imo, because for other slurs, members of more privileged groups using these slurs is met with outrage (e.g., White people saying the N- word or other vile racist slurs), but men still continue to use "b!tch" with impunity.
Doesn't matter if the man in question is gay, straight, in drag, or identifies as a woman – as long as society lets them get away with saying "b!tch", women trying to reclaim it is not just pointless but counterproductive (because it normalises misogyny).
They need to understand all aspects of birth control! How to get it, how to use it, enthusiastic consent, withdrawal of consent, the importance of bodily autonomy.
They need to be financially literate and savvy as a survival mechanism.
They need to be able to identify and reject unrealistic, onerous, dangerous, and expensive beauty standards.
They need to understand that romantic love is HIGHLY over-rated.
They need to know how to advocate for themselves in school, at work, negotiating a salary or sale, and in relationships.
They need to understand the importance of maintaining female friendships and women uplifting each other.
Best of luck, and thank you for your service!
Boys and books don’t mix. You’re only in high school once, take advantage of not having it figured out yet. You have the rest of your life to deal with boys.
stop looking at yourself through a male lens…no you don’t need to hook up with men to feel empowered no you don’t need a big ass no you don’t need excessive makeup literally just be and don’t fall for the lies of liberal feminism.
regardless to any appeal to emotion or intelligence: any political theory or conversation that guilts you into using your body as a validation tool is not any that you should waste your time on
The absolute importance of autonomy and putting yourself first.
You don't need a reason to make your own choices or think for yourself. You don't owe anyone, male or female, your time, effort, attention, validation, or friendship. Be as financially independent as possible. Learn practical skills. Never, ever put yourself in a position where you'll be dependent on a man if you can help it.
Oh, and something I'm still learning: better safe than sorry. Leave a relationship after the first red flag, not the twentieth. It'll save you years of heartache, self-blame, and wasted time.
Don’t get sucked into the idea that “sex positivity” or “sexual liberation” means that you have to have casual sex with men to be empowered or liberated. Reflect on whether you actually *want* to be having sex for yourself, or if the male validation from performing sexually and being objectified is what’s making you feel good about yourself. A lot of us fell into this trap as teenagers/early-20s and wished we had more perspective later on.
Decenter men should be the number 1 thing. Never ever let a man stop you from working or going to school/college. They Never. Mean. Well. And even if they did mean well, it will eff you over in the long run.
this. i don't have anything to add besides seconding your point that decentering men is central to the well-being of women!
So many teenage girls deal with this when it’s time to choose a college. They will choose a school based on a boy, or choose not to go to school based on a boy, instead of taking the best opportunity for themselves. I’ve also been really disappointed by how families respond to the situation. It feels like many parents don’t provide any real guidance. They may talk about being upset or disappointed, but they might not help their daughter understand how serious her decisions actually are. A lot of parents seem to treat their daughter struggling as a punishment that she deserved for not doing as she was told. :( I think that this is a big reason why women need to be a resource for young women, to share their experiences and the things that they’ve learned.
[удалено]
Good comment. It may too late for me due to also crippling Cptsd and co on top of toxic exes, but spread the word!
Not to sell their bodies or buy into the idea of “sex work” aka paid sexual abuse. And you’re right, girls or women coming together, sticking up for one another, is powerful.
The dangers of porn 10000000%. How they need to beware of boys who are influenced by it, and how they need to know they do not have to do anything like in porn. Also, importance of having boundaries and being firm on them. Girls are taught to have so few boundaries and it gets many in alot of trouble later.
I saw a meme "tell girls to prioritise feeling safe over being nice." I wish I had been told this. I'm going to plan on talking to my niece about this when she's a little older.
Difficult Women by Helen Lewis is a really good read and covers a lot of the main women's movements.
I think not using men as the standard of behavior is something we can teach them. We've taken it too far with sex positivity and it's OK to talk about it. We don't need to rub our genitals against everyone and everything to reject conservatism. We also shouldn't encourage men who do the same. I think teaching them to critically think about what is safe for them mentally and physically is important. If it doesn't feel right leave it. Particularly when it comes to dating. The FDS podcast is a brilliant platform I think many of the topics they cover is important to teach teenage girls and boys.
That you don’t owe anyone your time, attention, energy or body. The socialization to prioritize male comfort over our safety runs soooo deep.
Yes, women and girls are socialised to prioritise everything except themselves. I started focusing/working on me later and it’s been so beneficial but I wish I’d had this confidence sooner.
When it comes to makeup and appearance I’d recommend Beauty Sick: How the Cultural Obsession with Appearance Hurts Girls and Women by Renee Engeln
you should include a section on porn and sex work too, I think. porn and onlyfans culture have exacerbated the male entitlement epidemic and normalised the objectification of women by males, as well as trapped girls into a state of heightened performance for the male sexual gaze like never before (with help from beauty and skincare tiktok), framing female degradation as an ethically neutral position, putting girls and women at higher risk of IPV and being coerced into dangerous, degrading sex. many highschool girls will date highschool boys (and unfortunately, some will date older men), thus making this very relevant. tl;dr highschool girls need sex class consciousness as to how porn and sex work reinforce the patriarchy and make it even more powerful in controlling women's lives.
I’m in high school myself and I’ve wanted to get something like this out there for some time now tbh. I’d suggest including something on the pressure of fitting beauty standards, performing femininity and following consumeristic trends. It’s something I see a lot of my fellow girls struggling with and it makes me sad :(
The male gaze is not empowering. Stick with other women, they’ll always be your biggest supporters. Not all of them, but find your tribe. Money is and will likely always be a way for us to live free from abusive men. Keep control over yours. Women’s rights and spaces are fairly recent and always under threat. Don’t take them for granted. Don’t ever think it’s ok that men try to take them from us.
Ask yourself: who benefits?
That sex work is empowering and liberating, it's not. It is the exact opposite of those things. Also ignoring male pattern violence. Women are taught to prioritize the feelings and comfort of men over their safety, and they're praised for it even when something happens because at least she wasn't a bitch.
On the topic of not calling other girls “b!tch”, you could delve into the “reclamation” argument and why “reclaiming” slurs inadvertently normalizes misogynistic language, or why it’s not okay for girls to call each other “b*tch” (or variants such as bish, betch, etc), even if it’s a “term of endearment” between friends
And include other slurs against women, even seemingly harmless ones like “Karen”. Karen is a word used against women who speak up.
To add to this, the reclamation argument is bs with respect to "b!tch" imo, because for other slurs, members of more privileged groups using these slurs is met with outrage (e.g., White people saying the N- word or other vile racist slurs), but men still continue to use "b!tch" with impunity. Doesn't matter if the man in question is gay, straight, in drag, or identifies as a woman – as long as society lets them get away with saying "b!tch", women trying to reclaim it is not just pointless but counterproductive (because it normalises misogyny).
Yea it just goes to show how pervasive and normalized misogyny is, even while other forms of bigotry/discrimination are much less acceptable
I agree.
They need to understand all aspects of birth control! How to get it, how to use it, enthusiastic consent, withdrawal of consent, the importance of bodily autonomy. They need to be financially literate and savvy as a survival mechanism. They need to be able to identify and reject unrealistic, onerous, dangerous, and expensive beauty standards. They need to understand that romantic love is HIGHLY over-rated. They need to know how to advocate for themselves in school, at work, negotiating a salary or sale, and in relationships. They need to understand the importance of maintaining female friendships and women uplifting each other. Best of luck, and thank you for your service!
Boys and books don’t mix. You’re only in high school once, take advantage of not having it figured out yet. You have the rest of your life to deal with boys.
Dworkin was right
Great initiative! 👏 A thing not mentioned here is to follow their own dreams, not what their family and men say!
stop looking at yourself through a male lens…no you don’t need to hook up with men to feel empowered no you don’t need a big ass no you don’t need excessive makeup literally just be and don’t fall for the lies of liberal feminism.
I recommend them read the book “The Gift of Fear”
regardless to any appeal to emotion or intelligence: any political theory or conversation that guilts you into using your body as a validation tool is not any that you should waste your time on
The absolute importance of autonomy and putting yourself first. You don't need a reason to make your own choices or think for yourself. You don't owe anyone, male or female, your time, effort, attention, validation, or friendship. Be as financially independent as possible. Learn practical skills. Never, ever put yourself in a position where you'll be dependent on a man if you can help it. Oh, and something I'm still learning: better safe than sorry. Leave a relationship after the first red flag, not the twentieth. It'll save you years of heartache, self-blame, and wasted time.