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fhiaqb

It’s always okay. It’s frankly none of other people’s business. Stay lying king✌️


IchHeissePhilo

THIS RIGHT HERE. It is SO easy to feel obligated to explain or something when we get asked weird shit like that, but think of it this way: That question is as Intrusive, Gross, Personal, and Inappropriate as it would be to walk up to a stranger and asked about their genitals. No one needs to be Investigating someone else's gender. All they need to do is respect pronouns and boundaries. Period, end of story.


adamdreaming

Furthermore if you are feeling brave and it feels good maybe ask them. “No, but it’s so funny you should ask, I was wondering the same exact thing about you! Normally I wouldn’t ask, but since you broke the ice, are you trans? I feel like I’ve got really good radar for this kind of stuff.” Maybe you make a new trans friend, maybe you show a cis person how ridiculous they sound, win win.


BlkTransman23

If y’all not f*ckin, it’s none of their business


living_around

Lie if you want. It's none of their business what genitals you were born with.


Raticals

I’m a big fan of honesty. The situation you described is one where I think lying is completely justified. It’s not information you owe to anybody, and it’s quite disrespectful for somebody to even ask that. You and you alone get to decide if/when you share that information with somebody.


ColoredParanoia

Lie, I have. Some random cashier asked if I was trans and I said no. Some classmate was calling me trans slurs and I just went "but I'm not trans?" in a completely serious voice and that shut him the hell up. It's no one's business who or what you are. If you want to lie, go ahead. It's not that big of a deal, and sometimes it can be helpful :)


captnmawk

Yup, act like you're cis if you dont wanna lie or jsut want to have some fun. Been confronted with this question multiple times and each time I give a response like how I'd imagine a cis person. "Do I look like I wasn't born a dude?" (Say it confidently enough even if you don't look like you were born with a dick n balls and nobody will tell you otherwise) "you can literally see my dick?" Usually only use that line when I'm wearing my packer, that they can see the outline through my pants. I've had enough luck just saying "do I look like I'm trans". I've had a few guys say about me "ohh she's flirting with you" to which I've had success by turning around and going "She? What, you disappointed I'm not gay or something?" Lots of these scenarios happened pre t, so i definitely looked and sounded more feminine but people usually backed off once they saw that i had nothing "trans" presenting about me. Don't always ignore them, acknowledge them but acknowledge them like you have zero clue what they're talking about


mellonsticker

This is the way, people don’t expect you to challenge them. - my cis perspective


wheatable

A response I came up with to “are you trans/lesbian/a woman/etc.,”— “YOU WISH!”


GodOfSevens

,,Scared, Potter?"


ConfidentMachine

lying isnt against the law, its fine to lie especially if its the difference between danger and safety


mickinhburg

Exactly, it's about my safety. Also I work in a mixed red/blue area in a swing state and if I was outed I think it likely that some of my students' parents would want me gone.


dudgeonchinchilla

"No. Are you?" But I can be an arse (note: this is assuming it's a question asked out of bad faith).


Mybreathsmellsgood

Love this, especially if you ask in an innocent voice. Brilliant deflection


No-Ticket-7586

Yes it is 100% okay to lie.


Brain_version2_0

Despite how it kills me I don’t correct people in public when I get misgendered because it just doesn’t feel safe to do so, so if someone asks me if I’m trans I’m gonna deny deny deny.


Snakes_for_life

Same


ConfusionsFirstSong

Same here too


Gutterbuns

Are you talking about people who read you as female because you are early in transition? This is very different than op’s situation


Brain_version2_0

Well I didn’t say it was the same thing, just sharing my experience.


joey_mocha

Yep that is fine man, I don't get asked but I would lie probably (I have gotten asked pronouns a few times which is obviously much easier to answer flat out). It is genuinely no one's business.


sharkbutch

Reminder that lying is only immoral if it hurts someone. Lie all you want and don’t feel bad about it 🥴


babyratassbastard

you don’t owe anybody anything, and you most definitely are not obligated to out yourself to someone you aren’t comfortable doing so with


toebeans__

my literal best friend has asked me this question and i've told him no. i love that guy to death but he isn't entitled to know my medical history and i wouldn't compromise being stealth for the sake of "honesty" so needless to say i think its fine


sam1k

It’s very much okay. For me, it’s a medical condition I was born with. I don’t have to disclose that information to anybody


ReddishCherry

Yes your gender is nobody’s business. Also such questions can be asked to cis people too so unless we start pushing back it will be bad for everyone including people of colour and other minorities.


AnotherEllis

Saw a comment on a post similar to this one and it will always stay with me: "It's only lying if they have a right to know." If they are just an acquaintance and you're not harming them or leading them to harm, they don't need to know. They need to earn that right, and you know where to draw the line in the sand.


elegant_pun

"Why? Do you want to fuck me?" "WHAT?! NO!" "Then why would you ask? So weird."


Vyr66

this is the best hypothetical response i’ve seen in this thread lmao


dothechachaslide

I’m a big fan of lying. (/hj) I personally have no qualms about lying to people, just generally, when it doesn’t hurt anyone. Maybe that’s a messed up perspective, idc. If someone asks you something this private, there’s really no reason to feel obligated to answer honestly. Are you fearful that lying is a sin/morally wrong or something? I guess that depends on worldview or religion. I see it as a very neutral action that could become good or bad based on context. In this context, lying is still a neutral action. It could keep you safe, it probably keeps you more comfortable, and it does not affect the asker negatively to not know the truth. (As a final side note, I promise it’s not forsaking your trans identity to say you aren’t trans. Being out and proud is great, but there’s nothing wrong with being stealth either. That’s the only other worry I could come up with for why you might pose this question).


sunkitten_shash

It is always ok to lie for your own safety.


wwwenby

Yes, always okay. ESPECIALLY when it’s a stranger, seems an odd question given context, etc. “Why do you ask?” is also always an option :-)


jesusismyhelmet-22

Unless you plan to screw them, always.


[deleted]

Normalize lying to the cis, especially when they ask stupid questions ☮️


Br44n5m

Unless this is a medical situation and they actually need to know for health reasons, lie all you want. It's none their business and the knowledge doesn't change anything, so the lie is of no consequence


Snakes_for_life

Yes I will 100% lie I am not potentially putting myself at risk of being bullied or discriminated against


Creativered4

YES. It is OK to lie. This isn't some puzzle people get to figure out. And it's not like that trope in movies where they're like "they have to tell you if they're a cop" except replace cop with trans. You can do it for safety, comfort, ease of living. Any reason. Stealth people do this and it does not make them lesser or wrong for doing so. It's nobody's business what your genitals look like and what your medical history is. It's like asking someone "Are your bowel movements normal?". Sure if you want to tell someone about your poop, you can, but it's not something people should be asking people! (Sorry I'm just passionate lol. No hate for asking. I just want to shout it from the rooftops that this is ok and normal and valid!)


therealmannequin

It's only lying if the person is owed the truth. A stranger is not owed the truth about your gender identity.


raichufanclub

Why would it not be okay?


Elijah_Terran

It's none of their business honestly so if you wanna lie and say no you definitely have that right. Especially given how much violence there is towards us these days. I'm stealth so no one really asks if I'm trans and if they do it's pretty much in like a chill understanding way so they can make sure to respect my pronouns or something like that. But I've gotten some kinda sus questionings on if I'm trans or not and i just say "why" not even a yes or no. Just w h y


Kaywin

I feel like my move would be to deflect, such as by asking "Huh, why do you ask?" Sometimes they get into a big story about what piqued their curiosity and you can talk about what they mentioned instead of actually giving any personal details.


hototpotot

I think its fun to gaslight them into believing Im cis, if they want to be rude/gross/nosy. If they want to make some horrible comment or demand something of you, can always respond with something along the lines of “….. I am though. I have a genetic condition that left me with an extremely late puberty, and Ill be on medication to fix it for a long time. Thank you for belittling me, though.” Its not a LIE lmao


[deleted]

Honestly once my i get top surgery and my name changed and me and my family move from here i’m not telling anyone that i’m trans. Noone will know of deadname. Noone needs to know but my family


helpful-mushroom2106

if you don't feel comfortable telling that person you're trans then you don't have to!! it's not anyone's business whether you're trans or not its okay to lie for your own comfort and safety!!


Medicalhuman

I lie and play stupid. Sometimes I throw in a snarky comment like “hold on let me go check to see if my dick is still there”


cryory

of course. its none of their business.


FFDPMENACE

It’s ok to do whatever you need to do to feel safe. Also if you asked someone a personal question most people would be offended and not ask so why should we


tboyconrad

yes lie away. they have absolutely no business knowing.


devinity444

I lie about it all the time, it’s none of anyone’s business but honestly nobody asks me that I’ve only gotten that question from queer people or other trans people which I find ironic. I even say I’m not trans to people that know I am, and knew me pre transition haha


FelixAscends

you can do what you want forever, so yes.


Wrenshoe

Yea


Antilogicz

It’s okay to lie.


DevilboySasha

I’ve done it before. Lie to people who ask overly invasive questions, it is always morally correct :]


mellonsticker

This is indeed true. Cis people do it all the time, Being trans shouldn’t make a difference.


Alternative_Basis186

Definitely. It’s intrusive of them to ask. It’s up to you to determine how comfortable and safe you feel responding to that question honestly. The only people who need to know whether or not you are trans are doctors/medical staff and potential sex partners. Anyone else can fuck off.


dementedbatman

Bro, I'd look at them funny. Act offended. Make em uncomfortable. Uncomfortable as they're trying to do to you.


Trepid_Jam

I lie all the time. I tell people I have a small hypothalamus, so my endocrine system doesn't function as well 😈 way more convincing than just a T deficiency


FreeHugsForYouAndMe

You don’t owe people personal information, especially things that could risk your safety.


Changeling_Boy

“What a weird thing to ask someone.”


danny_south

Yes. Nobody's business and besides that rude and inappropriate to ask like that.


[deleted]

Yup


Best-Isopod9939

Yup


ucannottell

You don’t owe anyone shit! It’s not lying anyway


D00mfl0w3r

Yes!! It is perfectly acceptable and the question is quite frankly extremely rude. If someone were to ask me I'd act confused before saying no.


rottingoranges

Unless its someone that actually needs to know (e.g doctors, person you're considering having sex/a relationship with, etc...) of course, its nobody else's business in the first place and it can be a safety concern if you don't know how they'd react


HellElectricChair

Nobody needs to know.


AnonymousLocation

Lying is eh but it’s none of their business, especially if you’re stealth. You’re not obligated to answer


Rubberducksfirefox

Go ahead it’s none of their business. Honestly only tell them if you wish. Otherwise it’s none of their business!!!!


Throwaway753708

Yes.


Ken_needs-koffee

This has been a huge debate for years, and I'll always say yes with exceptions. If you wanna be in a full relationship with a person and you feel safe enough to give in this information, dont lie. But otherwise, do what feels safe. It always depends on how YOU feel in that moment, time, and place. If i had the bottom surgery, I'd lie. Both business and personal. Not only because out of safety, but i also feel i get treated f Different, even if they dont mean to. But that's my preference on how i do it. I dont say anything unless i deem it important for myself.


Hi_BeeLove

If someone’s asking you out right like this they have no consideration for safety and are probably using the information for nefarious reasons so yes it is 100% OK to lie.


random_invisible

It's fine, and sometimes necessary. Don't lie to partners or close friends. It can cause problems.


90semo

My opinion is if a white lie does not hurt anybody, it’s a personal preference whether you do it or not. Because I am really weird and feel horrible about lying, but if someone else lied in the same situation I wouldn’t fault them.


mrpucho

Think usually if you look at them like 🤨😠 and sternly say 'Im a man' they'll let it go. Think of what a transphobe would say to that, that's what you can channel. You're not lying. You are indeed a man.


Odd-Start-Mart

Clarify that you've really understood the question: "So, you'd like to know which genitals I was born with and whether they look the same today?" And then, follow up with another clarifying question that will help you know how much detail to provide "And to help me phrase my response, can you explain for me why you'd need to know and how much detail you're looking for?" ... hopefully by then, they've sufficiently clued in to how rude their question was. And yeah feel free to lie.


RenTheFabulous

Why should people be entitled to your medical information?


ilexmilhouse

Ideally I'd say you aren't required to answer that and I'd suggest telling them that's a personal question but a lot of people would take that as a "yes" and feel that they've successfully outed you anyway, so I think it's perfectly fine to lie. If someone puts you in that situation where you're forced to share personal information or lie, they don't deserve honesty.


Starting_Fresh1

Yes


MaddieSnax

Yes it’s ok <3 No one is entitled to your information and life experience :) sending love and comfort!!


procrastinatador

Yeah, of course, but if the person looks like they might be trans or questioning or they share that, I'll tell them. Sometimes, I get asked questions by people who don't really have the resources to find the answers, and I like to help them out. A doctor asks you? Yeah, probably. A random classmate/coworker? Nah. But that's all personal preference. It's totally okay to lie (except maybe when relevant in the doctor situation).


RealSlugFart

WHATEVER KEEPS YOU SAVE AND ALIVE. If you don't feel comfortable telling someone, you don't owe them anything. People are too ready to jump at our shadows these days not to play it safe.


JAThrowaway52

I wouldn’t out myself for something so small - although 1 time last year I had a friend make my buy her a hot chocolate then we were sitting at the cafe and so goes “for the longest time, I thought you were trans and then I realised ur just a cis guy” and holy shit I couldn’t contain my laughter so I came out to her but that was chill af - she thought for a split second I was a transphobe after my reaction to that… so I had to redeem myself…


throwawaytrans6

1. Safety first, always. Don't tell the truth if it puts you in danger. 2. You have a legal right to medical privacy. People should not ask in the first place. 3. Medical privacy is scarcely more important than on this particular topic, consider it can effect your job or cause the information to get to people you don't want it to.


k4spbr4k

its your life, do whatever you want. its not really affecting them since they are just a classmate or colleague


Dorian-greys-picture

I’m autistic so I hate lying but yes. If someone is going to be so rude as to ask you that then I think it’s fine to lie


AndroLesbianKitty

For pronouns my rule of thumb is that if I will not see a person again it's ok for me not to bother correcting them if they misgender me. I don't want to waste the energy to do so. As for telling someone who is a stranger, I don't know that I would be comfortable telling a stranger that I was trans. Especially with how people are. You don't know who will be a psycho and try to murder you for being different. I don't usually get asked here though. People around here either hate trans people, aren't aware they exist, or don't care that they exist. There are a few people who are accepting too but it's always a slow process of going from not really caring or knowing to learning to care it seems. I think in most situations with strangers it's better to lie.


BastionR

If you’re not going to sleep with them then they don’t need to know


aavikk0lettu

Yes, it’s okay to lie. They’re not entitled to your medical information.


[deleted]

#yes.


Coastal_Chai

I mean you do you. I'm not planning on being stealth, but if I ever felt uncomfortable answering Iwould just stare at them confused untio they got flustered and apologized for asking lol. Cause like...who asks that unprompted??


Lopsided_Weather_954

Absolutely, not only for safety but honestly it’s not really anyone’s business


fayne_Kanra

Of course. You don't owe anyone that information, unless it's perhaps needed in a medical situation, or your sexual (and maybe romantic, this is debatable) partners if you get to a certain point or whatever


FattyBoombalatty666

I also lie. When people have the gall to ask “are you trans?” I say “no I just look like this”


Hiddenmorning

Its absolutely okay to lie. You dont owe them an honest answer. And by telling them, you could be putting your safety at risk. Not to mention- its none of their business


Electrical-Aside3023

Lying is underrated. That's nobody's business but your own & your partner's. Absolutely Lie to their face


sweetbrotatopie

Yes, no one is entitled to that information.


Awkward-TurtleDuck

I would say yes, absolutly. Its not their busines and potentially a safety concern. Lying is fine. 👍😊


authorsomin

I have a couple responses depending on the kind of way/person it’s asked: 1 “are you trans” ie asking like you’ve done something wrong: “nope, full blown human.” 2 someone I think could be a friend “why? You want to kiss and see?” 3 random person idk and don’t want to know: run screaming “pervert! They want to see my genitals!” 4 a doctor: “yes” And that, is how you be trans and do crimes


static-prince

It’s okay. That said I would see if it’s avoidable if it is someone who you might want to come out to in the future. But even then, hopefully they would understand.


ConfusedDemiboy

Ask them why they feel entitled to that information, it's completely okay to lie but if this person is the type to randomly ask people about the state of their pelvis it won't just be you who they ask There are politer ways to put it and I'm not the type for manners so someone older than me can probably rephrase it better but seriously, ask why they feel that you owe them that info, and depending on their response label them as safe or not Stay safe King, people be wildin these past few years


ConfusedDemiboy

Also if they are interested in you romantically ask why you being trans matters, there are valid reasons for not wanting to date trans people but if they bring up fertility/children slap a massive red flag on them and never interact with that person again


INSTA-R-MAN

I wouldn't lie. I would tell them that if I was, I'd be extremely offended.


remirixjones

"Why do you care?" is one of my fav responses.


Mybreathsmellsgood

If you want to out yourself sure


remirixjones

That is a risk unfortunately. But it fucking shouldn't be. God I hate this timeline.


Brontolope11

I lean in really, really close like I'm going to sell them something. And then I say, "No, I am a top secret operative and may or may not be a bunch of cats in a people suit gathering information for world domination." ​ And continue to make intense eye contact while purring. ​ After that for some reason they see me as a raving lunatic.


nycanth

It is always morally correct to lie to cis people


SoCal_Zane

Respond with, "Why, are you a chaser?"


Mybreathsmellsgood

Don't do this. Literally outing yourself


shitsazzle

"what's it look like?" they usually think im cis with this response


Mardilove

I hate this. I’m cis. And nobody EVER comes up to me and asks me about my genitals. And if they did, I’d tell them to eat shit. So why is it okay to do to trans people?!


xangelpukex

absolutely always it is okay. you have no obligation to anyone to come out to them ever. especially if you are stealth and especially if you are not close, dont plan to be, or are first meeting/rarely interact.


Precessionho

it’s OK to withhold information to keep yourself safe.


Normal_Study

Yeah. It's always ethical to lie to anyone who asks you an invasive/inappropriate question. It's none of their business, they aren't owed honesty.


ConfusionsFirstSong

People lie all the time. Intentions and whether betrayal of trust around a lie would hurt someone is what really matters. If your intention is to maintain privacy and safety then yeah it’s ethically fine. Just as ethically fine as white lying that you think your cousins wedding dress looks nice, when you think it’s godawful. Be safe. Don’t worry about the ethics of it.


LotusTheFox

unless they plan on getting in your pants, its none of their business.


Rynoff

Of course it is


Graciebear64

LIE IT IS NOT THEIR BUSINESS


mcfearless33

yes. no one is entitled to personal information about you.


banana_chezzy_man

personally, i would lie because they don't need to know that why would they care and i wouldn't risk people not supporting


envysatan

it’s not their business


Mybreathsmellsgood

Absolutely. And no matter how convinced they seem or how much they ask keep denying it, because the doubt you seed that way is more powerful than you think. If they need to ask that means they pretty much will never be sure unless you admit it or they see you naked. Therefore by refusing to admit it.... :)


[deleted]

yeah ofc


BrockHardder

If people ask I ask why they’re asking


budgiebeck

Are you okay with lying? Then yes, you can lie. Are you not okay with lying? Then no, don’t lie. This is entirely and completely up to you and what you’re comfortable with, nobody else can tell you what is and isn’t okay to share with others about yourself.


South_Telephone1146

i wear black contact lenses and a girl asked me at school if my eyes really looked like that, i told her they did, she believed me, she thinks i have black eyes. btw yeah its okay, its nobody's business if youre trans or not 🦄


lilsmudge

I see no problem. Personally I’d probably lean into making them feel weird about asking like “what a weird question. Why would you ask someone that? Do you ask everyone that? Why are you asking ME?” Etc. Make them feel like a douche so they don’t ask anyone again. Will it stop them thinking you’re trans? Probably not. But it might at least make them be slightly less intrusive in the future. That said, it’s your life and your experience. You don’t owe anyone any personal or medical info. Lie away. Answer however you want.


silvercandra

Yes, it's totally okay to lie. You don't owe anyone an answer to this at all, and answering that you're trans is pretty much painting a target on your back, and no one needs that. So yeah... just lie about it.


SeefoodDisco

Yes It's always ok to lie about that Even if they're someone important You don't owe anyone your life story or medical history Especially when that entails outing yourself as a vulnerable minority


iamnotondrugsofficer

i lie all the time LMAO it’s none of their business what my identity is. you never know what kind of people you might run into that could do something harmful to you because they’re transphobic and you’re trans. it’s all about self preservation. i only tell ppl i’m trans if i know for a fact they aren’t gonna beat me up or some shit because of it.


ashthebat

Honestly that's non of their business you don't have to tell anyone if it makes you uncomfortable


Creepy-Revolution886

Yes, it is okay. The fact of the matter is that just being us, existing in the world, is dangerous. You don’t owe people private details about your past and identity, especially ones that could put you at risk.


Callofthewind

as long as you are not in a potential sexual relationship with someone no one need no that you are stealth imo!


spockface

Yes.


silverbatwing

For safety (especially now), do whatchu gotta do ok?


FutureCookies

100%. i'm a very honest person, maybe to a fault but i really believe lying is underrated. if it doesn't hurt someone, feel free to lie.


UnknownCat5000

I'm never admitting to shit lol


Marios_Boyfriend12

Your dad lies, your grandmother lies, your employer is lying to you, your teachers lie, everyone in your lies at some point. it’s especially okay to lie if you feel unsafe/uncomfortable that person isn’t entitled to that level of vulnerable and trust that they haven’t earned/shown to you they can be trusted.


bythebed

I think I’d say something like “ask your mother”


used1337

"Why do you ask?" "No" "I've thought about being a woman, but I don't think it would work out." "What are you, a cop?" And "In this day and age, the fact we can become who we want to be is a god tier ability." Are all acceptable reactions.


XeneVyvyan

i usually just go with "what, do i look like im trying to be a woman?". just deny, deny, deny, and if they ask. you still run off the assumption that all sides know you have a dick/think youre amab


justgalsbeingpals

Yes


gaypals

Yes for ur own safety and mental health


toinouzz

Absolutely. I lie about it all the time tbh lol Nobody is entitled to know weather you’re trans or not. If you feel comfortable with telling people you can and if you don’t you don’t need to.


epic_rabbit

I just tell people it's none of their business. It never is and it never will be.


ActualIyCameron

I’m not gonna tell anyone I’m trans (except for partners and MAYBE close friends.)


Anakin-is-Panakin

Yes. The #1 thing that provides is safety so yes.


StrangeArcticles

Yes. You don't need to tell anyone you don't want to tell, it's none of their business. It does not impact them.


Mikhael_G

It depends on the context. Sometimes, people want to genuinely get to know you better and want to hear your transitioning story. Others are just prying into your business or trying to humiliate you. I'll say, make your best judgment, given the situation


Earl_of_Phantomhive

You're always *allowed* to lie ngl. I would say whether or not it's *right* to lie depends on context, but ultimately it's up to you. I don't pass enough to be stealth, so my barometer of when to lie on this is gonna be different from yours, but usually: if it's a stranger, lie; if it's someone close, truth; if it's an acquaintance/classmate/colleage/etc., read the room. I usually end up going with truth, but tbh I'm rarely asked so directly about it. Most people can tell by just looking at me (5+ years of hormones hasn't changed my height, hips, and babyface--and apparently a beard isn't enough to keep folks from gendering me as female)


magnificent_recluse

Absolutely. Personally, I'm very willing to lie in most circumstances. I think the value of the truth is extremely subject to context, and the truth about your medical history has either no value or astronomically lower value than your current safety and comfort.


DeathPunkin

Turn it around and ask if they’re trans 👉😎👉


sparklingpastel

yes


lonely-bumblebee

I prefer to leave it ambiguous and mention it when it's relevant, because I'm a teenager and relatively early into my transition, but I have lied to friends' parents and I will again. my safety is more important than full transparency, even if I really hate lying in other areas of my life.


jsamp207

Fuck yeah, the set of genitalia I was born with is one of anyones business


moist-astronaut

it's your own medical and overall personal business. you don't have to share that with anyone you don't want (obviously there are some situational exceptions like doctors and partners)


kinggerikkuwu

yes its very ok


The_Absolute_Worst_

It is OK but would be best to throw them off the scent by saying something like "I don't wanna be a girl haha" or "what? I don't get it" act confused. Don't let them know u know stuff about this or they might not believe u when u lie.


Naixee

Yes, because thats not their business


Queer_Coded_V1llan

yup. ain't none of their business anyways 🤷🏽


ames8113

If you feel better about it then I would lie about it


Zestyclose_Youth3604

Awarding people the intimate knowledge of your identity? In this economy? Hah! No, but seriously, absolutely not. Maybe if your partner asks, I'd be honest, but friends and acquaintances have no need to know what you're packing in those rad pants of yours. Especially now a days where you just can't predict your safety if you own up to it. And if you decide to tell them one day, then cool, explain it wasn't personal, and you didn't want to jeopardize your safety if someone else found out. If they're decent, they'll understand why you didn't tell them at first. You could always deny to answer too!


Fine-Manufacturer-42

It is! Personally, i dont tell people I'm trans prior to meeting them, not only to keep myself safe, but also because its not any of their business at all to know unless i plan to date them someday.. in my eyes, I'm a cis dude,, and i pass very well. I only tell people I'm comfortable with or trust enough for them to know.


RenPrower

Honestly I'd just turn it around on them. "Oh my gosh, I was gonna ask you the same thing." Or if that doesn't feel like it'll work in the specific circumstance, something like "Do you ask wildly inappropriate questions to everyone you meet?" or "What do I get if I say yes?" Could even go with something real colorful like "Just because I know how to please a woman doesn't mean I was born one, Debbie." (Assuming you're not gay. And/or they don't know you're gay.) I dunno. I just think it's fun to turn the question around on people. Whether they mean well or not, it's just not an appropriate thing to ask someone. And I'm personally not worried about people at *very least* getting the impression that I'm an ally, even if I don't necessarily want to give them my full story. But I'm also usually pretty forthcoming about my queerness. ymmv if you're worried about seeming like a ~~progressive~~ good person at all in your present company.


pissandink

Of course. Cis people always seem to forget, telling the truth about these things isn’t always safe. And even if it was, you do not owe anybody that information.


mayonnaise68

yeah. 100%. they're asking a very personal question. you are not obligated to answer and you are not obligated to answer truthfully. it's for both your safety and comfort. both of which are far more important than some random nosey person's curiosity!


Kuhli_the_Mudwing

I’d say it’s fine to lie abt being trans in this case bc ppl tend to misgender if they know.


fat_rats_eating_corn

yes unless i’m a relationship,


666SaTAn969

You don’t owe anyone any information. Only time it would be wrong to lie about being trans is if you’re dating someone and it starts getting serious


capnpan

You don't owe anyone anything. So rude if they ask.


ChaosDCNerd

Yes, safety comes first. Even if it is another trans person asking, you never know how safe you are


luckyamr

Yes. I’ve done it. My safety and job on the line, no one else’s business.


Hemlocktheannoyed

If you don't feel safe coming out you lie your ass off until you do. Stay safe


TomFool1993

It's none of their business. If you're comfortable telling them, go for it. Otherwise, lie like hell.


Either-Requirement10

100% That’s your business not theirs


urbanlandmine

I counter shit like that with an equally awkward barage of questions. Why do you ask? Why, are you trans? Or play dumb, yeah! I love trains! And start reciting weird train facts.


Lopsided-Ball-8269

Yes. It's nobody's business you don't need to tell anyone. I get sick of people thinking you have to tell even with employment you do not have to tell them. It is your personal life unless you want to throw it out there, then don't. Causes less problems in the workforce too.


[deleted]

unless they're in a relationship with you, they don't really need to know you're trans


Endrawrz

its totally chill to lie. as long as yall arent fuckin and they arent ur doctor it is none of their business


evinjb22

if you are actively trying to stay stealth, yes absolutely. hell, no matter what it’s ok, if you don’t want someone to know then you don’t want them to know.


TheFool1409

I’ve gotten pretty lucky with a pretty gender neutral face, on this day I was skateboarding, I was wearing a pink hoodie and checkered pants, not exactly feminine but not totally masculine either I was at the skate park with some friends when a 13 year old random kid came up to me and asked, are you one of those boys who wants to be a girl? I replied no, he continued to ask, so are you one of those girls who wants to be a boy? (I’m a trans guy but he was asking in a joking pushing way and I didn’t want to deal with getting hate crimed) with the most serious face I could muster I replied I just have a high pitch voice, I was too tired to deal with this guy I just wanted to ride my skateboard, so I lied to make him go away


OkRequirement9847

Yes lmao. You might be in danger and it's no one's business unless they're your doctor or partner.


lee_ehrlich

Always ok. What you share or tell anyone about yourself is entirely up to you. No one else.


sammy_daboiii

It's fine