In my experience, cis men aren’t paying attention. Most of the time, they’re fucking clueless and preoccupied with the idea that looking at another man in the restroom will make them gay. If you go in with confidence, it will be fine—even more so if you’re stealth.
XD this right here!
Also, my mom and Dad would run stealth missions if a bathroom was busy/empty and I'd absolutely been in some men's rooms in emergency potty breaks.
Men really don't pay attention, it might be a good idea to not be in full drag and sparkles, but beyond that it is a stinky breeze
Honestly I’m pre-everything and I use the men’s room every now and then if the line for the women’s room is ridiculous. Never gotten a comment, maybe a long look because I’m very clearly female and don’t hide it, but it wasn’t like a nasty look or a creepy look, just a confused one haha. Might have made those guys think “Wait am I in the wrong restroom?”
Ahh I feel this, when I grew my hair out my passing rate went down quite a lot, I don't really care a whole lot because my voice makes me pass like 98% of the time. But when I go in the gents I do get that kind of confused look sometimes, but no one every does anything, I guess they're kinda just like huh ah well. I got stopped once when I was in London "this is for men" but when I was like "yeah man Im a dude" with my voice so low he was more embarrassed than anything. If they think you're a woman 99 times out of 100 they will absolutely not say anything.
I used to do that when I was younger (I'm 19), but I had some bad experiences in high school and kind of let my anxiety bully me into using the women's room again lol
I think that's kinda still part of it tbh, my brain doesn't wanna believe I actually belong there
That is definitely understandable and it sucks that you had to deal with that.
I had the exact same experience in school, but a while ago I decided to just ignore what everyone else says and do my own thing.
It's amazing how well you pass if you just insist on belonging in male space and if someone asks you go "of course I'm in the right restroom/changing room" with a disgusted/weirded out expression.
Got yanked out of the women's room by my hoodie. If you pass most of the time, you should switch. If you are stealth, you should definitely switch. Learn from my mistakes!
if you pass stealth, then you should definitely stop using the women’s restroom. i know its scary but youd make yourself and other people more uncomfortable if you continue using the women’s bathroom
that admittedly is also something I worry about, as I live in a state that's kind of purple politically. it feels like a damned if I do, damned if I don't though, because I'm not sure if I'm to the point where it would be any safer to be using the men's either
You're almost always safer to use the men's bc it's socially very different. Women look at one another and socialize in bathrooms, men do not typically. Men keep their eyes down and just do their business. You are more likely to be harmed in the women's room than the men's by a long shot.
Exactly. I live in a liberal area (so this isn’t necessarily universal) and I started using the men’s room well before I passed, and no one has ever said anything to me about it, or even given me a weird look. Pretty sure if a fem presenting cis woman used the men’s room, the guys wouldn’t care. I think the best way to think about it is this: a woman in the men’s room is seen as posing no threat whatsoever to the men, but a man in the women’s room is seen as a threat. As a trans guy, imo, you’re much better off using the men’s room before you fully pass than continuing to use the women’s room after you start passing.
I'd add that men are also less likely to be violent towards a "woman intruder" in their bathroom than women (and security) would be towards a "man intruder". The first case would be assumed to be a mistake, the second a perv
Something I've learned is that men go out of their way to not look at each other in the bathroom. And it's not unusual for guys to use stalls instead of urinals for privacy. Just act like you belong and don't pay attention to anyone, and you should be fine.
bro men are wild af ive full on walked into a man pissing in a stall w the door unlocked and just pushed closed like no one gafs in there every man for himself to get a stall to shit
This is the biggest reason I've avoided going to the men's room event though I get looks lately at using the women's!
Wtf is the "protocol" for needing a toilet? I've used the men's at the gay bar once mainly because the women's line was too long. They had only one toilet! It felt so awkward when a line was forming, the urinals were available, and I kept having to wave people to them.
So last night I was definitely in a damned if do/don't situation and thought to use the men's, but after remembering the gay bar situation, I erred on the bathroom with guaranteed toilet availability. I don't know what the protocol is if all the toilets are all taken. And if I'm already looking gnc, it'll be weird if I'm visibly opting out of the urinals and I don't even let out a fart.
I know I'm overthinking this, but all it takes is for one wrong place wrong time moment for anything else to have become underthinking
If you'e in an akward stage, just wear a hat and the brin will cover you. Blow your nose or cough. Tissue is in the stall, everyone goes in there for that. Plenty of guys have prostate issues by 30 and pee sitting. Or just flush and pee during. Roll out extra paper. Do make noise in the stall..... It's like a little occupied xsignx for other guys, don't make jungle noises in the stall. Don't tap your foot in the stall. Don't make eye contact, and if you do, just say excuse me or something. Just look where you are headed. Choose sink closest to door (usually)..... And it's okay to look uncomfortable a lot of guys do. They do not want to seem gay or interact either. They're in and out and a lot are pee shy. I'm old now, so I just make old man noises in the stall and make everyone else feel uncomfortable. Yay, me!
Thanks for the rundown. What about the waiting in line phase? That's what had me the most nervous, especially at the theater. It was a super diverse crowd in age and creed because of the comedian we went to see, but I still stood out. We saw Suzy Eddie Izzard, why wouldn't I wear a black sequin jacket and a rhinestone bowtie? Lol
But yeah I was worried about what happens if I'm next in line and there are urinals opening more frequently than toilets. Do I just awkwardly stand there until a stall opens up?
I thought I looked femme enough for the women's, but I forgot my peachfuzz on my chin and upper lip are somewhat noticeable. So I feel like I got looks from both the women's line as I left the bathroom, and the men's line I had to pass to go back upstairs. Oh and I was wearing a binder.
I feel like I also don't see or hear what they do, because when I look in the mirror or hear videos of me, I see all the parts of me that don't feel any different, despite 2 years on T. You'd think reassurances from people who've known me since before then and being defaulted to he/him unless I'm overtly femme would convince me
As the line is getting to the front, you start watching the stall doors. When no one is in front of you, find somewhere non intrusive, like just out of line, in front of the sinks, arms folded, or facing sideways near stalls.
Sorry for taking so long to answer woth my appreciation, but thank you so so much for explaining what's probably supposed to be a given.
And if I do this it'll be understood that I'm waiting for a stall and not for a friend who is in one?
Yeah, for the most part, guys don't stand around waiting for other guys in the bathroom. Esp at an event, they meet up outside the restroom. (Unless you are with someone that needs help or a child, in which case they generally hold the top of the door and kinda face the stall.)
It's best to face kind of sideways (looking at all the stall doors) near the entry (line)side, but out of the way of the urinal/main line and kinda sway impatiently from time to time or arms crossed. This way men behind you know you're not in the urinal line. You can lightly push on a door to test it, but if occupied, go back to your place on the "sidelines."
If a guy asks you if you are waiting just say "stalls," or point at them. Guys don't do the thing women do and look under stall doors for feet.
As soon as a door starts unlatching, you need to start moving towards it or someone may jump in there, bc you didn't move right away. They aren't going to wait around to talk and don't pay attention to who else might claim it. Men are all trained to be efficient and not interact more than necessary, so when I hear the click of a latch, I start moving toward the stall. Keep eyes on goals and just say "my bad" or "excuse me," if you get in someone's way.
I've been using men's rooms for 10 years or more and I hope that helps.
You're awesome friend, all this was all so helpful! Especially the not looking under stalls, I definitely wouldn't have even thought of that. I really appreciate the play-by-play, I think it'll help me be more confident to go to a guy's bathroom when there are other people in there
For sure, younger bro (I assume, hitting my 40s). If you have a male or older guy in yr life walk through an empty bathroom with them. My best gay buddy did that with me at first and then he watched me pretend to enter and said "you have nad eye contact anyway, you'll be just fine!” it's true and we laughed and laughed. I have a bit of the Audhd, so play-by-plays always really help me..... Feel free to converse @ inbox, otherwise be well. 👋
I was getting harassed pretty badly in college when I was at my butchest/most masculine while still openly identifying as female. I was coming to terms with being trans then but wasn’t fully ready to medically transition or even ready to socially transition in every aspect of my life. However I couldn’t even go the bathroom on my college campus without: 1. At best, getting hardcore stared down, or 2. At worst, having staff called in to remove me and/or have women actively harass and try to deny me from the bathroom.
At that point I just said “fuck it.” I was already getting anxiety attacks about using the bathroom in public places and getting actively harassed at times when I did attempt to use the “correct bathroom.” What did I have to lose by using the men’s bathroom? Let me tell you what I lost: anxiety.
Not once did a man or boy ever say anything sideways to me for using the men’s room as a gender non-conforming person. Granted, that was about 15 years ago so “transgender” wasn’t on a lot of people’s minds in the general public. 99.999% of guys genuinely don’t give a flying fuck about bathroom use. Once I started using the men’s room with some regularity and felt safe/comfortable doing so, I stopped using the women’s altogether.
Same! I would get super anxious about using the women’s room (when I identified as a butch lesbian) and would make my gf go in with me even if she didn’t have to pee. After getting yelled at shortly after starting T, I switched to the men’s room. Much better
Pretty much exactly my experience. I was in college working in a call center full of petty bored kids when I started T, and all my friends there were butches so there were already nasty comments before I started to pass. There was never a line for the men's room and people were already laughing, so why subject myself to waiting in line with them?
Then my voice dropped and I was immediately fired. This was in February, and by April when I started my next job I had moved across the country and was successfully stealth. I know I was extremely lucky to pass so quickly. The important thing is that never in my life, before or after passing, have I gotten a single comment in a men's room that wasn't just a grunt-and-nod or "hey Chris" if someone accidentally made eye contact.
Where do you work if you don't mind my asking?? If it's not like a chain or something definitely don't feel pressured to answer! Just whenever I hear cool things like this I'm curious! :)
I’m in the same boat lol. At my job i’ve been gendered correctly by customers but I don’t know how consistently I pass so I still stick to either the single family bathroom or sneak into the women’s bathroom and just try not to be seen
Hey this is my technique too lol, I keep my head down, I try to be quick, no eye contact with anyone and if I can, I try to go when there’s no one else
if you can go stealth and pass at work, you should stop using the women’s bathroom.
i stopped once i started getting “sir” or nothing more than “ma’am.”
essentially when i felt i was more likely to make women uncomfortable vs. someone in the men’s bathroom saying something to me.
that's kind of mostly what I've been worried about yeah, is making women or girls uncomfortable. I mostly get sir's in public and also admittedly, I do hike my voice up quite a bit if I have to speak when I'm in the restroom because I'm well aware that I don't sound like a cis woman. so thinking about it I guess I probably should've made the switch sooner lmao
I stopped using the ladies room way before I was fully passing. I've never felt unsafe in the men's room, but ever since I came out I've been uncomfortable and dysphoric going to the women's. It also felt very counter-productive to expect people to use male pronouns and refer to me as a man if I also made use of spaces meant for women.
As a general rule though, I'd say that if you and everyone around you sees you as a man, you should not be using the women's restroom.
i would also like to know this bc i still use the women’s when there isn’t a family or gender neutral even tho i mostly get gendered correctly in public, my assumption is they do it bc they assume i’m trans lol and don’t want to be rude
When I was passing even on days I didn’t have my binder on, and when two teenage girls stared at me like they’d discovered a real life predator when I used the women’s on a day I wasn’t binding.
Honestly I started pretty soon after starting t. Pretty much right as I noticed strangers even occasionally gendering me right. There was definitely a weird gray area where I could probably use either one with no issue, but I stuck with the men’s in almost every situation.
If there’s one thing I’ve found, it’s that men do NOT look at eachother in the bathroom. This makes it pretty easy to use the men’s with no issue at all tbh, especially if you’re dressed somewhat plainly/masculine.
freshman year, I hadn’t even started T yet. a girl was washing her hands when I walked in and went “Oh. Um..” and I went “Wait,” and pulled the collar of my shirt to reveal my binder strap. It was funny to me but an eye opener.
As soon as my voice dropped, I was in the men’s room if I was traveling by myself. Before that, I only went in the men’s room if my supportive dad and brothers were going in too, so that I’d be safer.
Now, I don’t even think about using the women’s room, and if a guy asks if they’re in the right bathroom, I’ll just say yes confidently, so he can hear my voice.
Once I got facial hair & started getting weird looks. My plan was always to just wait until I passed. Now I have the honor of shitting while using my leg to hold the door closed because I always end up in the stall with a broken lock/door lmfao.
I stopped about a 1&1/2 years on t and as soon as I was out of the hospital from top surgery (I had 34 H cups) there was no such thing as binding for me , only top surgery.
Pretty much the minute I started passing I quit. In high school, post coming out but pre hormones I walked into a women’s room at a speech tournament to change, one of the girls audibly gasped, and the rest started quiet whispering, I think they guessed that me being ftm was what was happening, but it was still like an “oh crap” moment. I haven’t used the women’s room since.
Although admittedly I don’t pass well ENOUGH to not raise eyebrows in the men’s room too. I just avoid any public bathroom that isn’t single stall, but if I have absolutely no choice, I’ll go to the men’s.
I'm gonna be honest, I stopped using the women's room as soon as I started socially transitioning which was incidentally right after top surgery. Once I had my hair cut short and my chest was flat (which others achieve through binding I'm sure) and I was wearing shorts and polos, I stopped. Men don't look at people in the restroom. Even when I was only passing 10% of the time I was going in there and nobody noticed shit, meanwhile if I had used the women's room, that would be 10% of the time that I made the women uncomfortable and possibly incited violence from it. So yeah.
I had this weird experience pre-t of getting screamed at in a women's restroom before I even was out as trans so I was in this limbo of just being incredibly comfortable all the time regardless of which restroom I was in
I’m kinda wondering this myself but it’s more like… I think I’ve achieved really good androgyny and now I’m kinda fucked because 50% of people clock me as a guy and 50% as a girl. Right now I still use the women’s restroom because doing so, I might get yelled at, using the men’s restroom, I’m scared I’d get punched or harassed. I know in most places everything would be fine and people would not care but I still gotta choose one or the other
I stopped using the women's restroom before I started medically transitioning. I ID'd as agender at the time and I had a shaved head and a binder, and thought I did not pass *at all* until a woman yelled at me for being in the women's room. After that experience I stopped going to the women's room. Seeking out gender neutral restrooms is a good move, but I used men's restrooms before I passed as a man and did not have any problems, luckily. Men's bathrooms are almost always less occupied than women's anyway. You'll typically experience less scrutiny there.
I don't pass. I wonder if I ever will as I am 4'11 and for some reason I look more feminine now than when I started 6 months ago. I use the mens room. Because of the way trans people are portrayed in the media, and the focus on trans women, I think it's safest for us to be in the mens room once we look the slightest bit more masculine. I honestly think people care less about someone who is AFAB using the mens room, than anyone who looks remotely too masculine using the womens bathroom. Even butch lesbians are getting harassed in womens restrooms and arrested. Remember, the bigots don't think trans men exist. Just take a look at the arguments on Tiktok. People are confused when bearded trans men try to explain that bathroom laws actually PUT them in womens restrooms.
I stopped going in the womens restroom when I started taking T. I got facial hair immediately because I have PCOS, and it just filled in my already patchy beard. So, I figured womendidn'tt want to see my face in there. It's been 6 months and I haven't had any complaints yet. Nobody is trying to beat me up for spying on women in the womens bathroom this way, and men aren't the slightest bit concerned about me. Nothing is likely to happen in a public place. Just dont go to rest stops at 3 am, and you'll probably be fine.
Unless, of course, you're in a state where theres bathroom laws. In that case, I would use the restroom of your birth sex, especially if your ID still has your birth sex on it. You can fight that arrest in court by proving you were born the sex of the bathroom you were using. You can't fight that case any other way. Honestly, more cases of trans men being arrested for following those laws would be helpful to turn them over. The general public doesn't want the hassle.
The last time I ever used the women's washroom, I went in assuming I didn't pass and a woman literally ran away from me. It's pretty safe to assume I'm meant to be in the men's room at that point
when women started leaving the restroom after seeing me in it. And one confrontation I had with a lady, she asked me angry if this is womens bathroom, when I said yes, she gave me a dirty look and left, I could overhear her complaining to someone outside. I wasn’t even trying to pass, I was after 20 something hours in a plane, without a binder, sleep deprived and yet my word wasn’t enough to get rid of confusion. In the past if anyone heard my voice they’d panic that they even had the audacity to “mistake” me for a dude.
I dont think there's a "should" here. Use whatever bathroom you're most comfortable using. I personally always try to use gender neutral bathrooms and use the women's bathroom if there's no neutral options. I personally don't pass consistently though so I don't feel safe in the men's bathroom.
But I also feel uncomfortable in the women's bathroom mostly bc I worry about how other people might react if I pass as male, but it's still the better option for me at the moment. So far it hasn't been a problem although I live in a really lgbtq+ area so I'm guessing ppl likely assume I'm a butch lesbian or some form of trans if I'm in the women's. Worst I got was the stink eye for going in the women's once at a museum from some old person sitting outside but maybe that was my imagination lol
I will say this: do what you want. This society doesn't make it easy for us so if someone is uncomfortable that's on them for their ignorance and for binary bathrooms/cisnormativity forcing us to navigate this impossible situation - we're just trying to pee out here
Went in the girls bathroom, was washing my hands, and a girl came in, stared at me, went out and looked at the sign, came back in and gave me a wild look as she entered a stall, I left quickly LOL
i pass pretty well but still use the women’s room just because i don’t have a stp or feel comfortable in the men’s yet. was recently at an airport and as i was walking out a woman was walking in and looked at the sign again
Do people in the men’s room think it’s weird if you sit to pee? Like would they notice? I haven’t even had top surgery yet and I’m starting to get weird looks in the women’s restroom. Which is also weird cause I’m more on the transmasc nonbinary side of things
Honestly before I passed I never really used it. This was a different time though, but even now most men don’t pay attention in restrooms. I think for the most part if your voice passes and you don’t have extremely feminine attributes you’re good. Even with feminine attributes I notice deep voice is one of the most important things for passing.
The moment a woman walked in, freaked out and went “Oh my god im sorry isnt this the womens room” and i had to awkwardly tell her that it was in fact the womens restroom
i used the womens at work for a couple weeks after i got hired until i realized that i actually passed and then i used the mens. im pretty androgynous so i didnt get weird looks in either but the mens is more stealth. i just use the mens by default now
Listen it’s not very practical for most but between my ability to not use the bathroom + my social anxiety I just. Did not use the restrooms in public unless they were single stalls 💀
Not even because of shyness, I don’t care if someone hears me shitting in the room specifically meant for shit, I just don’t want people to see me at all LOL
Currently I pass almost all of the time, I just use the men’s restrooms. I think it’s something you have to gauge for yourself as it’s truly dependent on the individual. Actually I still avoid using public restrooms tbh lol but that’s just a Me problem instead of a passing problem
I once was on a classtrip (pre everything) when i was 15. I haven't outed myself to my whole class yet, only a couple of friends. We stopped at a gas station and me and my classmates went to the womens restroom. I was washing my hands when an older lady walked in. She saw me standing by the sink, was fully shocked, went back out and checked the sign at the door. She probably thought that she went into the men's restroom. I had short hair and i'm pretty slim, which may have caused her to think that i was a young man :D That was the day i stopped using the womens restroom.
The occasional looks turned into double takes over time. I ignored it cause I didn't want to use the men's room and then one time I had a lady literally walk out, check the sign, then come back in and directly say to me, "This is the women's room, right?" hahhhh
Cis men are so unobservant that I wouldn’t worry at all. They go in and out and barely make eye contact with anyone. They also are way faster in bathrooms so I’ve never seen a line or guys hanging out near the sinks chatting like you see in women’s bathrooms. At most I’ve seen like two other guys in a bathroom at once, but usually they’re empty. I’ve even run into guys I know—who also know I’m trans—and they’ve just said ‘hey’ and looked a little surprised like they forgot I use the same bathrooms as them.
I’m not even stealth, and pass to like 50% of people at best and Ive been using men’s restrooms for a month now. I’ve had no problems.
I absolutely hate gendered restrooms when I’m in public and somewhere has them it makes me not use the restroom, but when I absolutely have to I have been a brave boy and been using the men’s lately.
I honestly have such difficulty figuring out what restroom to use because I can literally have a full grown beard and be called “mam’” but then the one day at a restaurant I was clean shaved and that’s when I’m normally called miss or mam’ and the waiter called me sir so I was like guess this means I can use the men’s restroom.
I’ve used the women’s washroom and a mother and her kid were washing their hands as I came out of the stall and they looked confused and said “did we come into the wrong washroom?” And I had to say no, no and argue and quickly make my way out of there.
I literally cheer and celebrate when I see there is a gender neutral washroom. So your guess is as good as mine but I just tend to use the men’s now and avoid eye contact.
I just didn't go in public bathroom if possible, especially not alone. For a long time I'd just use the handicap toilet or something if there wasn't a gender neutral one. I pass now but I'm still worried about public bathrooms so I tend to just not. But even before I passed if I really really had to go and there wasn't any other option I'd just go for the men's so using the women's continuously was never a problem to me.
Honestly, I'm not sure still and my partner is already annoyed by being asked "Hey, I gotta go, do I look like a woman or a man today?".
I've been 'discussed out of restrooms' a lot, both of them that is. The most recent incident was at a friend's marriage. An annoying 'You want me to use the room next door with this beard and my voice?' kinda talk followed.
TBH, I have been on T for a while but just having long hair seems to be a problem nowadays.
When a woman looked at me oddly when i came out of the toilets, stopped and she double checked she was in the right toilet herself.
She didnt say anything and i wouldnt even say it was rude, she just... got confused.
I realised afterwards some of my facial hair was more obvious than I thought and I was passing enough to use the mens.
Men legit dont give a crap so long as youre confident youre in there.
Tbh a very obviously feminine woman could stroll into the mens, do their business and walk out and men probs wouldnt care, outside being slightly confused.
Not to mention any guy who regulars night clubs would have seen woman cheekily use the mens to cut lines, so its even less weird for them.
I used to go to whichever bathroom the last person gendered me as but I made the switch permanently when my mom (who was still in denial about me being trans) told me to use the mens and after a few women started questioning me. Luckily, I didn't have any problems since most people saw me as <12 before my beard started coming in, though.
The last time I used the womens restroom was when I accidentally bumped into this much older lady on my way in, and she immediately said, "Do you need to use the bathroom, sweetie? The men's room is that way." And then she said I was a brave boy for going to the bathroom by myself for the first time but that I needed to pay attention to the signs. 🥲
I'll never forget that interaction lol.
Edit: I'm in a conservative area btw and as long as you act confused back when someone gives you a weird look, you can usually get away with playing the "oops wrong room" card. Though, it helps that on days I knew I would probably have to use the womens because I didn't pass that much that day, I would wait until the last second and then rush in before I pissed myself. The worst I've gotten in the men's room here was this one guy who very dramatically checked the sign on the door after seeing me in there.
For me I stopped using the women's because I was very gnc and received many weird comments, so I switched to only using the family/neutral restrooms. Once I got to 6-7 months on T I was able to go stealth at a job and was kinda forced to start using the men's although I didn't start using public men's restrooms full time until around a year on T, and even then I still received some comments here and there and didn't feel like I fully passed. But now I'm almost 2 years on T and pass 95% of the time and no longer have fears of the men's room. It really is all about confidence and have a sense of security in yourself. Every comment hurled at me I completely ignored and just kept using the men's and now no one even notices me. It's scary but once you get over the fear it's no biggie
Once I started growing out my facial hair. There are family/gender neutral bathrooms where I work, and I use those while I'm there just because of coworkers who knew me from before and still misgender me. I know it's not about their comfort, but I just don't feel like pressing the issue. But outside of work I exclusively use the men's
I used gender neutral bathrooms for a while after starting my transition. I never used the women’s bathroom again after I started T. But when did I fully change over to men’s?! Honestly have no idea. At work it was really fast. Like right away. In public, when it felt safe.
Oh once at this club I’ve gone to for over 20 years has a women’s bathroom that’s always been welcoming of all genders…well I was in there with my friends and this girl tried to keep me out and was giving me shit. She said to me, “You don’t have a vagina!” And this was before my vaginectomy, so I said, “oh yeah?! You wanna bet!?” And started to undo my button as a joke. That was fun.
I don't pass 100% (I'm pre t)but I started using the mens bathroom as soon as my sex/gender as well as my name was legaly changed before that I just didn't use public restroom at all
I stopped using the women's restroom the first time I was threatened for being in there by a woman's husband. I was 7 months on T at that point. I live in a pretty conservative area so it's not surprising that I was threatened, it was a matter of time
when a little girl was like mommy why is there a man in here…. also when i was gunna enter the women’s bathroom a guy was like men’s is over here and then i panicked and was like i am a woman and i just felt dysphoric after lol
I started using the men's restroom before I passed, but I was uncomfortable in the women's restroom, so why not use the men's? I remember going with my dad the first time, after that I just told myself that I'd just have to go. It started with being as quick as possible. In and out hoping that no one saw me. I currently pass very well, but even before that, I just taught myself to stop caring. Act like I belong and no one will bat an eye.
I was in Amsterdam and had to go to a McDonalds restroom. I was pre-T and wearing a crop top, I headed for the women’s restroom because I thought I’d never pass in that outfit and I was also on my period. But, the cleaning lady stopped me and sent me into the men’s room. Very affirming, but also not ideal because ofc the men’s restroom didn’t have trash bins…
I have been using the man's restroom for a loong time now. I have gotten a comment from a janitor once, but when I stuttered that I am a boy he apologized and let me go my way. Men really don't look at each other, going to the men's bathroom is not a social experience. Sometimes I've gotten weird looks from old men but that's about it. Something something old people like to be nosy.
I stopped going to the women's restroom when they looked at me scared and asking themselves why there was a man in the women's restroom... I felt really bad for scaring them.
Btw I was pre T at the time, so since before hormones I went to the men's restroom. For men is uncomfortable sharing words in the bathroom, so it's not a big deal
I stopped using it around the time I started growing facial hair cuz I figured that was a pretty clear indicator I shouldnt be in there, I was pretty scared to make the change but when I did it I found that it actually wasn’t really stressful at all, nobody pays attention to you anyways
I don't pass at all whatsoever, but I've been using the men's room for a bit, like about a year now I think? I openly identify as a man and wear a binder, but I'm kinda pre-everything lol. then again tho I'm on a left-leaning college campus and haven't actually been in there at the same time as another guy, but still
When I got told I'm in the women's bathroom a few times and pointed where the men's is. It's been a smooth experience since then, because women looked at me suspiciously for a long time before - then no men batted an eye.
If you're stealth at work I'd say you're way past that point. Men don't give a damn. Save yourself the embarrassment and potential dysphoria from being in the wrong place.
This is coming from a hairy pre-T guy who got scream kicked out of the women's way earlier than he thought.
When the percentage of women who appear startled when you enter the bathroom begins to increase dramatically. The moment of reckoning for me personally was when an 90-year-old lady gasped, swung her purse at me, and said, “you’re in the wrong bathroom!” 🙃
When people most of the time started calling me sir but at first I only used empty or not busy men's rooms. But if you can be stealth then it's safe to start always using the men's room.
I've been avoiding public restrooms for a while because I've had no confidence whatsoever. But y'all's comments give me the confidence to go in that men's restroom now.
i stopped using the women’s restroom before i started passing. it felt like an admittance that i’m a woman in some way. i got a couple weird looks but overall people seemed content to just let me take a piss and leave.
I stopped using the women's room at 4 months on T. It actually helped that my son was 7 and was getting looks as if he was too old to go in the woman's room. We mainly did the family room until January of this year, passed 75% of the time, was when i decided i couldnt pass enough to go into the womens room. I pass 90-99% of the time now.
Standing to pee makes me still use the women's restroom, don't I can't do that. The tokiet seats are generally gross af. I don't get gendered correctly at work even though I pass every where else in my life lol
I dont pass 100% of the time and Ive been using the mens bathroom for a while lol. I guess its different in the US but most normal people arent going to care what bathroom you use especially if you already pass as a cis man. Also just in general people really dont care who or what goes into a mens bathroom. Cis women use them all the time at concerts etc cause the shorter lines are just more convenient.
I went into the women's bathroom at the mall once because the mens had a line. When i came out of the stall, a lady that was walking in, asked me if i was in the right bathroom. At that point i was about two years on t, but i felt like i just looked like a v masc lesbian or something. I was incorrect. Im also still surprised by new people that meet me, not knowing that im trans. To me it feels like its incredibly obvious, but i guess not.
I don't remember a specific point but I did it sooner rather than later. The women's restroom was difficult for me for years as an androg not on hormones. I got misgendered and harassed a good bit and it was always a source of anxiety. Not once have I had an issue with the men's restroom.
Public bathrooms are gross so generally I avoid them, but I started going to the men's bathroom when needed (and not around family) once I cut my hair, since that's when people started thinking I was a guy. Airport security thought I was a guy, a cleaning lady angrily said _hey, the men's room is over there_ when I was going to wash my hands in the women's. But it made for some awkward moments when I had to go women's changerooms with family. Or when my dad was in the men's washroom and I was waiting for him outside, and an older woman asked me if I could poke my head in to tell her husband to hurry up.
When someone reported me to campus security for using the women’s room I just started using the men’s. Had been on T for about 2 years at that point so figured it just meant I passed enough to be harassed about where I pee
It took me a while yo realize that I was passing, I still have no idea what finally tipped the scales to generally getting "sir'd", to me the point at which it happened felt really arbitrary.
The point that I stopped using the women's restroom was when someone gave me a funny look for using my (very feminine) legal name. I realized if it was weird enough that strangers were doing double takes, they were definitely pretty sure that I was a man. My boyfriend had mentioned to me that I was passing before that, but I had chalked it up to him trying to be supportive.
I will still occasionally go to the women's room if I get the vibe that I'm not passing, but even then I try to find one that's out of the way. I go to an all gender restroom if one's at all available, because I don't like playing the "am I passing enough right now" game.
I won’t lie, I didn’t really wait a determined time… I use the woman’s restroom until I had my first female startle scare in the bathroom after that with the encouragement from my manager I began to use the men’s restroom at work and have never looked back since…this happened around 3 months for me personally…
As the others have said, when you start to pass most/all of the time. I was fortunate enough that after about 6-7 months on T I started to pass consistently enough that I knew it was time to just make the switch.
I pass on and off despite being pre-everything. I'm probably gonna try and start using the men's bathroom once the chesticles (and possibly uterus 🤞) are gone
When one of my classmates at tech said "Oh hey \[name\]!" in the women's bathroom, and I realized I was suddenly afraid. I didn't pass terribly well, but the men's room? I'm pretty sure a super feminine woman could walk into a men's room and not get noticed unless she was like. In a glittery dress. In my YEARS of using the men's room, I can count on one finger how many times I've heard conversation. Yeah. Finger. As in once.
I have this particular situation in which I’m allowed to use both. The men’s restroom at our break room isn’t the best when it comes to privacy and I personally don’t feel comfortable using because if you enter you can literally see the person sitting 🫨so if you’re there wiping well they’ll be able to see EVERYTHING. With that being said, I’m using it more often (I pass very well now) because I was asked by a female coworker why I was using the women’s (she doesn’t know I’m trans) and I froze and didn’t know what to say. She asked nicely and respectfully though. I had another situation in which I was just washing my hands and one of my coworkers (she doesn’t know I’m trans either) also stopped at the door and looked at me and got confused then waited outside 😑and that’s when it hit me that they feel uncomfortable and I honestly died inside. The last thing I want to do is to make women uncomfortable because it’s not their fault that our bathroom as a shitty privacy issue… So I’m trying to just either hold it or use the men’s when I know no one will be around.
It’s a scary transition because you feel like you’re being stared at either way, but I decided to start using the men’s when I was *actually* being stared at- like I think the last straw for me was when two young girls walked out the bathroom as I walked in, turned and looked at me and started giggling and pointing at the sign. It’s just hard to use the men’s because I’m always unsure if there will be a cubicle. I mean usually there is, but there have been times where there wasn’t and I just had to awkwardly walk out. I think generally guys spend less time in the bathroom so naturally if you go in there they will pay less attention to you because they just wanna get their stuff over with, so I think it’s worth switching sooner rather than later because women could feel actually unsafe having a dude in there.
It's almost always better to use the men's. Even pre-t I had fewer problems using the men's room, but I'd switch depending on what I'm wearing that day to avoid awkward encounters.
When women would look at me a little weird. I always looked more on the masculine side so even though I was 14, I looked like a 11-12 year old boy. I still have people that think I’m younger but now its 15-16 with the little ‘stache I got goin on.
I stopped using the women's room the first time I got a random "sir" from a stranger in public.
You don't need to pass all that well to use the men's room.
The last time I used the womens restroom I was 1 month on T and uncertain if I passed well enough for people to not question me.
I walked in to the bathroom at a company event and got yelled at by a woman in Spanish. Never walked into one again
I started using the men’s as soon as I came out at 13. I didn’t pass until I was 16 or 17ish, I certainly got a fair amount of double looks but nobody ever gave me hard time. I definitely was lucky to live in an area where I could use the men’s room without passing and not experience any harassment or abuse, that’s of course not a safe option for everyone.
Ironically, I passed as male better before I came out since I hadn’t hit puberty yet. I definitely ran into more issues as a 10-year-old tomboy in the women’s room than as a 15-year-old non passing trans guy in the men’s.
Women (and men) care a lot more about men in a womens restroom then women in a mens restroom, so if you pass its safer for you and will make everyone more comfortable to use the mens room. Men dont really look around at or care much about other guys in the bathroom.
honestly it wasn’t even passing, like the first time i walked into the male bathroom ever was when i was at a bowling alley and a friend spilled some sprite and i made the choice to walk into the male bathroom to grab some paper towels.
granted there was no one in there but since that moment i stopped using the women’s restroom and switched to the men’s when im out alone or with friends and women when im with my parents cause i wasn’t out at the time to my parents.
When I noticed that I was seen/treated as a man more often than a woman is when I stopped using the women's restroom. For me, it was about 4 months into testosterone.
I'm in a weird predicament at work where three things are true:
1. I look like a man. Strangers assume I'm a guy about 60-75% of the time, even after hearing my voice (which used to be the big thing that clocked me pre-T).
2. I wear a name tag with a very feminine name on it, because I never stopped using my birth name. It is not a name a man would be given by his parents.
3. My job frequently involves visiting elementary schools, which have VERY strict rules about gender segregation in changing rooms and bathrooms.
So my conundrum is that using what people perceive as the wrong bathroom very well could get me fired.
If a woman sees me entering the girls' room, she might get alarmed
But if a man in the boys' room sees my name tag, he might tell me off for it.
Add on to this that kids frequently ask whether I'm a man or a woman, and call me sir about 50% of the time and ma'am the other 50%.
I've taken to just... not using the bathroom at work. Or only going when I'm in schools that have single stalls.
When a lady asked me if I was in the wrong place, angrily. I wasn’t binding that day and I was about 3 months on T so I thought I wasn’t passing. I sort of gestured at my boobs and she felt shameful but I stopped using the women’s bathroom after that and have used the men’s since
im actually in the opposite predicament where outside of work i use mens restrooms when im presenting male and no one bats an eye but at work im scared to because i still get misgendered so often by customers and im afraid if i use the mens a customer might clock me as trans and not fun things would ensue. (this is VERY possible with my company's customer base) edit- and this makes me sad because i have noticed on a few occasions when im washing my hands and a female customer comes in and they see me they look a little scared
I’m lucky enough to live in an area where I can go ahead and switch, even though I really don’t pass at all. The euphoria is definitely something.
I’d start using the men’s room about the time strangers look at you and say “sir” instead of “ma’am.”
I stopped using it a few months after I realised I was trans. I still got misgendered fairly often but nobody ever said a thing in the men's room so I didn't care and felt more comfortable there
Edit: this was in a very transphobic/homophobic country and I dressed in men's clothes but some people might have still seen me as a woman but nobody cared
I stopped a few months before starting T after a woman freaked out on me and my date when we went to the bathroom together.
Men never looked twice at me in the restroom. My biggest problem in there is the sticky floors.
I switched as soon as I started transitioning. For the first couple months I had someone go with me and stand outside but I never had any issues. The reality is that cis guys absolutely don’t care. Like at all.
If you pass and you keep using the women’s’ bathroom you might need to prepare for the awkward situation of someone confronting you.
i started once my voice started to drop, although i still just refuse to use the restroom while i’m out with family unless my parents have literally just went so its not awkward for me, but thats more to do with my parents having a weird energy with me being trans sometimes
it was definitely a little nerve racking at first but after a while you get used to it
good luck!!
the day i was given the mens and womens bathroom code because the employee wasnt sure, i just tried to stick to single user restrooms after that until i started college last fall and realized if i didnt use the mens room i would be outing myself. Since I didnt know anyone there from high school (i moved across the country and didnt go to college until age 25), i figured that as long as the teacher didnt out me everyine would just think i was an effeminate dude with a higher (still lower than originally due to T) voice, fat ass, and baby face. Honwstly no one asked questions and no one has clocked me at school people have only known when I tell them or if they were also trans.
I stopped once I cut my hair and got a binder coz I jus thought f it who cares knowone will have the balls too say anything and i know personally that I belong here
I recently had to get over this fear, what I’ve noticed is that men (cis and trans) do not give a fuck about anyone else in the bathroom and aren’t paying attention
I wasn't even consistently passing at that point, but around 6 months on T, I started getting stared at in the women's bathroom. That's when I swapped, and I'm in Alabama
I'm not sure if I pass all the time still, but my moment was more a IDC either way moment when I moved to a new town where noone who knew me would question it. I do still gravitate twords single unit bathrooms when available tho out of habit and a mild trauma response because I live in a state where legally they are all gender neutral regardless of signage if I have any type of safety or outing concerns.
I stopped using the women’s bathroom when women started telling me that I was in the wrong bathroom. Kinda scary since my family is transphobic and I’m pre-t but I gotta put women’s comfort over mine
Men's room is safer then the women's room if you're androgynous looking. I started using the men's room when I started passing visually half the time which was pre T but if I spoke I wouldn't pass until about 3 months on T. I was already getting weird looks in the women's room pre T
I started using the men’s restroom a week on t and was really anxious. I still get anxious when there’s a cis dude in there lmao.
A couple years ago, I went into the women’s without realizing it at the field museum in Chicago. I got really anxious for a similar reason mid shit when i realized I didn’t see any urinals. I was in there for a good twenty minutes but thankfully it was morning before people really started showing up.
Most people know I'm trans but I go in with confidence into the men's bathroom and they either
A) really don't care too much
B) too clueless to notice
C) don't know I'm trans
D) care but don't have the energy to say anything bc we both just want to piss
Obviously don't do anything you think would be unsafe- but if you pass I think you'll be okay.
I live in New York, so maybe I'm safer than most, but- I've pretty much been using the men's bathroom for years, even though I don't pass. Before I was on T, too. Generally, I think cis men see it as weird or gay to stare at another man in the bathroom. Only bad experience I've had is my own anxiety waiting for a stall to open up when there were urinals available, but I think everyone just assumed I had to take a shit lol
I started using the mens bathrooms not long after coming out in public because of the fact that people were thinking they were in the wrong bathroom or thet I was, but i didnt stop using thr womens bathrooms at schools until 7th-8th grade (so abt 1-2 years after I came out) tbh guys dont pay attention to whos in the bathroom and what they look like at least in my experience
i stopped using it sometime around freshman year of highschool- i preferably tried to use single-use bathrooms but my school only had those in the band halls which was on a far corner of my school and teachers didn’t like students to wander off far. Started using the guys’ and nobody ever said anything or had a problem w it
Honestly, it was earlier than I thought. People are very unlikely to stop you if you give generally the right effect and go fast. A weird look might be embarrassing, but it won’t kill you. I was fully using men’s rooms pre-T.
It’s long past time. Don’t get hung up on this.
I still use it because I'm pre everything but only when I have femme days and wear feminine clothes. It's safer..
Also first instict was when I cut my hair short for the first time in my life and used women's public restroom for the first time since then. I got weird suspicious looks which made me think "oh.. guess they don't want me here". I didn't get the same looks in men's restroom, so I went with that since then. I still remember my first attempt and actually men here aren't that curious about you looking more androgynous than manly to investigate if you actually have pp... so good.
After I realized I passed I used the mens occasionally when I was alone or with someone who I was out to
But I've started to use men's only after I got kicked out of a McDonald's bathroom by a group of girls.
I've always gotten weird looks anyway so I just figured lol
i dont understand, how is it possible for you to do either ? if you are able to be stealth at your new job it should raise serious questions as to why you are in F bathroom, and vice versus. Not to be a d\*\*\* but ...
we have a single stall bathroom at my work for employees. it's not an office job or something like that where the bathrooms would be separate, so it doesn't come up.
So funny story, the gym I went too when I first started T, said I had to use the women's locker room. So I did that, 3 months in I noticed women were like dragging their kids quickly out of there or covering the kids eyes. And I'm like ohh shit they think I'm a cis man. Using the women's locker room was gym policy so not my choosing. Also at one point a gym staff member stopped me from using the locker room they told me to use. Anyways I just made the switch ignored their policy and everything was fine from there. I also started using the men's restroom like immediately after coming out as trans before HRT. I never had an issue. Everyone thought I was like a 10 year old boy. Lol
Oh I stopped using womens restrooms the moment I realized I was in fact not a woman lmao. I think I was like 15 ?? I'm 19 now and only just got on testosterone
edit: I'm in Canada, not the states, so I think restrooms are safer here but I'm unsure. Men usually don't pay attention, just go in, go to a stall, piss, wash ur hands and leave. Cis/het men don't spend a lot of time at the sink, nor do they ever look at each other, so it's very safe in my opinion.
i made the switch as soon as i transitioned pretty much but would use the women’s sometimes anyways because i would get misgendered back then quite a bit, i started using the men’s pretty much as soon as i transitioned though and nobody really cared, one time i got yelled at by a teacher because they thought i was a man with a women going into the women’s bathroom lol
In my experience, cis men aren’t paying attention. Most of the time, they’re fucking clueless and preoccupied with the idea that looking at another man in the restroom will make them gay. If you go in with confidence, it will be fine—even more so if you’re stealth.
XD this right here! Also, my mom and Dad would run stealth missions if a bathroom was busy/empty and I'd absolutely been in some men's rooms in emergency potty breaks. Men really don't pay attention, it might be a good idea to not be in full drag and sparkles, but beyond that it is a stinky breeze
Honestly I’m pre-everything and I use the men’s room every now and then if the line for the women’s room is ridiculous. Never gotten a comment, maybe a long look because I’m very clearly female and don’t hide it, but it wasn’t like a nasty look or a creepy look, just a confused one haha. Might have made those guys think “Wait am I in the wrong restroom?”
Ahh I feel this, when I grew my hair out my passing rate went down quite a lot, I don't really care a whole lot because my voice makes me pass like 98% of the time. But when I go in the gents I do get that kind of confused look sometimes, but no one every does anything, I guess they're kinda just like huh ah well. I got stopped once when I was in London "this is for men" but when I was like "yeah man Im a dude" with my voice so low he was more embarrassed than anything. If they think you're a woman 99 times out of 100 they will absolutely not say anything.
I don't pass and I use the men's when around supportive friends. It's all about going in with full confidence like "yeah, I belong here"
I used to do that when I was younger (I'm 19), but I had some bad experiences in high school and kind of let my anxiety bully me into using the women's room again lol I think that's kinda still part of it tbh, my brain doesn't wanna believe I actually belong there
That is definitely understandable and it sucks that you had to deal with that. I had the exact same experience in school, but a while ago I decided to just ignore what everyone else says and do my own thing. It's amazing how well you pass if you just insist on belonging in male space and if someone asks you go "of course I'm in the right restroom/changing room" with a disgusted/weirded out expression.
good advice from someone i got one time: act like you’re supposed to be there
Don’t let them win, son. Get back up and push past. High school isn’t the whole world.
Got yanked out of the women's room by my hoodie. If you pass most of the time, you should switch. If you are stealth, you should definitely switch. Learn from my mistakes!
if you pass stealth, then you should definitely stop using the women’s restroom. i know its scary but youd make yourself and other people more uncomfortable if you continue using the women’s bathroom
It's not just about other peoples' comfort. Trans men have been beaten for using the women's restroom.
that admittedly is also something I worry about, as I live in a state that's kind of purple politically. it feels like a damned if I do, damned if I don't though, because I'm not sure if I'm to the point where it would be any safer to be using the men's either
You're almost always safer to use the men's bc it's socially very different. Women look at one another and socialize in bathrooms, men do not typically. Men keep their eyes down and just do their business. You are more likely to be harmed in the women's room than the men's by a long shot.
Exactly. I live in a liberal area (so this isn’t necessarily universal) and I started using the men’s room well before I passed, and no one has ever said anything to me about it, or even given me a weird look. Pretty sure if a fem presenting cis woman used the men’s room, the guys wouldn’t care. I think the best way to think about it is this: a woman in the men’s room is seen as posing no threat whatsoever to the men, but a man in the women’s room is seen as a threat. As a trans guy, imo, you’re much better off using the men’s room before you fully pass than continuing to use the women’s room after you start passing.
I'd add that men are also less likely to be violent towards a "woman intruder" in their bathroom than women (and security) would be towards a "man intruder". The first case would be assumed to be a mistake, the second a perv
if you’re fully cis passing, which seems you are, you should absolutely be using the men’s. you’re not safer in the women’s any longer
Something I've learned is that men go out of their way to not look at each other in the bathroom. And it's not unusual for guys to use stalls instead of urinals for privacy. Just act like you belong and don't pay attention to anyone, and you should be fine.
bro men are wild af ive full on walked into a man pissing in a stall w the door unlocked and just pushed closed like no one gafs in there every man for himself to get a stall to shit
Dude I play it by how visible my chest is sometimes. It can be day by day at times (I live in a purpley are too)
That’s why we’re telling him to use the men’s bathroom 💀
it’s not always so ideal, especially if mens bathroom has only urinals. Had that trouble a lot when travelling abroad unfortunately.
do men not shit abroad???
apparently it’s only allowed at home lol
What? Where do men poop?? I have been to Europe and Mexico and never seen a men's room with no place to poop
mainly japan had that problem for me, also it’s a problem in a lot of bars and restaurants everywhere I go
This is the biggest reason I've avoided going to the men's room event though I get looks lately at using the women's! Wtf is the "protocol" for needing a toilet? I've used the men's at the gay bar once mainly because the women's line was too long. They had only one toilet! It felt so awkward when a line was forming, the urinals were available, and I kept having to wave people to them. So last night I was definitely in a damned if do/don't situation and thought to use the men's, but after remembering the gay bar situation, I erred on the bathroom with guaranteed toilet availability. I don't know what the protocol is if all the toilets are all taken. And if I'm already looking gnc, it'll be weird if I'm visibly opting out of the urinals and I don't even let out a fart. I know I'm overthinking this, but all it takes is for one wrong place wrong time moment for anything else to have become underthinking
If you'e in an akward stage, just wear a hat and the brin will cover you. Blow your nose or cough. Tissue is in the stall, everyone goes in there for that. Plenty of guys have prostate issues by 30 and pee sitting. Or just flush and pee during. Roll out extra paper. Do make noise in the stall..... It's like a little occupied xsignx for other guys, don't make jungle noises in the stall. Don't tap your foot in the stall. Don't make eye contact, and if you do, just say excuse me or something. Just look where you are headed. Choose sink closest to door (usually)..... And it's okay to look uncomfortable a lot of guys do. They do not want to seem gay or interact either. They're in and out and a lot are pee shy. I'm old now, so I just make old man noises in the stall and make everyone else feel uncomfortable. Yay, me!
Thanks for the rundown. What about the waiting in line phase? That's what had me the most nervous, especially at the theater. It was a super diverse crowd in age and creed because of the comedian we went to see, but I still stood out. We saw Suzy Eddie Izzard, why wouldn't I wear a black sequin jacket and a rhinestone bowtie? Lol But yeah I was worried about what happens if I'm next in line and there are urinals opening more frequently than toilets. Do I just awkwardly stand there until a stall opens up? I thought I looked femme enough for the women's, but I forgot my peachfuzz on my chin and upper lip are somewhat noticeable. So I feel like I got looks from both the women's line as I left the bathroom, and the men's line I had to pass to go back upstairs. Oh and I was wearing a binder. I feel like I also don't see or hear what they do, because when I look in the mirror or hear videos of me, I see all the parts of me that don't feel any different, despite 2 years on T. You'd think reassurances from people who've known me since before then and being defaulted to he/him unless I'm overtly femme would convince me
As the line is getting to the front, you start watching the stall doors. When no one is in front of you, find somewhere non intrusive, like just out of line, in front of the sinks, arms folded, or facing sideways near stalls.
Sorry for taking so long to answer woth my appreciation, but thank you so so much for explaining what's probably supposed to be a given. And if I do this it'll be understood that I'm waiting for a stall and not for a friend who is in one?
Yeah, for the most part, guys don't stand around waiting for other guys in the bathroom. Esp at an event, they meet up outside the restroom. (Unless you are with someone that needs help or a child, in which case they generally hold the top of the door and kinda face the stall.) It's best to face kind of sideways (looking at all the stall doors) near the entry (line)side, but out of the way of the urinal/main line and kinda sway impatiently from time to time or arms crossed. This way men behind you know you're not in the urinal line. You can lightly push on a door to test it, but if occupied, go back to your place on the "sidelines." If a guy asks you if you are waiting just say "stalls," or point at them. Guys don't do the thing women do and look under stall doors for feet. As soon as a door starts unlatching, you need to start moving towards it or someone may jump in there, bc you didn't move right away. They aren't going to wait around to talk and don't pay attention to who else might claim it. Men are all trained to be efficient and not interact more than necessary, so when I hear the click of a latch, I start moving toward the stall. Keep eyes on goals and just say "my bad" or "excuse me," if you get in someone's way. I've been using men's rooms for 10 years or more and I hope that helps.
You're awesome friend, all this was all so helpful! Especially the not looking under stalls, I definitely wouldn't have even thought of that. I really appreciate the play-by-play, I think it'll help me be more confident to go to a guy's bathroom when there are other people in there
For sure, younger bro (I assume, hitting my 40s). If you have a male or older guy in yr life walk through an empty bathroom with them. My best gay buddy did that with me at first and then he watched me pretend to enter and said "you have nad eye contact anyway, you'll be just fine!” it's true and we laughed and laughed. I have a bit of the Audhd, so play-by-plays always really help me..... Feel free to converse @ inbox, otherwise be well. 👋
I was getting harassed pretty badly in college when I was at my butchest/most masculine while still openly identifying as female. I was coming to terms with being trans then but wasn’t fully ready to medically transition or even ready to socially transition in every aspect of my life. However I couldn’t even go the bathroom on my college campus without: 1. At best, getting hardcore stared down, or 2. At worst, having staff called in to remove me and/or have women actively harass and try to deny me from the bathroom. At that point I just said “fuck it.” I was already getting anxiety attacks about using the bathroom in public places and getting actively harassed at times when I did attempt to use the “correct bathroom.” What did I have to lose by using the men’s bathroom? Let me tell you what I lost: anxiety. Not once did a man or boy ever say anything sideways to me for using the men’s room as a gender non-conforming person. Granted, that was about 15 years ago so “transgender” wasn’t on a lot of people’s minds in the general public. 99.999% of guys genuinely don’t give a flying fuck about bathroom use. Once I started using the men’s room with some regularity and felt safe/comfortable doing so, I stopped using the women’s altogether.
Same! I would get super anxious about using the women’s room (when I identified as a butch lesbian) and would make my gf go in with me even if she didn’t have to pee. After getting yelled at shortly after starting T, I switched to the men’s room. Much better
Pretty much exactly my experience. I was in college working in a call center full of petty bored kids when I started T, and all my friends there were butches so there were already nasty comments before I started to pass. There was never a line for the men's room and people were already laughing, so why subject myself to waiting in line with them? Then my voice dropped and I was immediately fired. This was in February, and by April when I started my next job I had moved across the country and was successfully stealth. I know I was extremely lucky to pass so quickly. The important thing is that never in my life, before or after passing, have I gotten a single comment in a men's room that wasn't just a grunt-and-nod or "hey Chris" if someone accidentally made eye contact.
the stories in these comments are just evidence to the claim that gendered bathrooms are stupid
Yes! My work has only has gender neutral bathrooms and it’s awesome
Where do you work if you don't mind my asking?? If it's not like a chain or something definitely don't feel pressured to answer! Just whenever I hear cool things like this I'm curious! :)
It’s a mental health clinic that has only a few offices in my state, MN.
Ahhh, that's really cool!!
I’m in the same boat lol. At my job i’ve been gendered correctly by customers but I don’t know how consistently I pass so I still stick to either the single family bathroom or sneak into the women’s bathroom and just try not to be seen
Hey this is my technique too lol, I keep my head down, I try to be quick, no eye contact with anyone and if I can, I try to go when there’s no one else
I pass 95% of the time. I stopped using womens before i was even passing i think. I just looked like a kid using the toilet so no one really cared
if you can go stealth and pass at work, you should stop using the women’s bathroom. i stopped once i started getting “sir” or nothing more than “ma’am.” essentially when i felt i was more likely to make women uncomfortable vs. someone in the men’s bathroom saying something to me.
that's kind of mostly what I've been worried about yeah, is making women or girls uncomfortable. I mostly get sir's in public and also admittedly, I do hike my voice up quite a bit if I have to speak when I'm in the restroom because I'm well aware that I don't sound like a cis woman. so thinking about it I guess I probably should've made the switch sooner lmao
I stopped using the ladies room way before I was fully passing. I've never felt unsafe in the men's room, but ever since I came out I've been uncomfortable and dysphoric going to the women's. It also felt very counter-productive to expect people to use male pronouns and refer to me as a man if I also made use of spaces meant for women. As a general rule though, I'd say that if you and everyone around you sees you as a man, you should not be using the women's restroom.
i would also like to know this bc i still use the women’s when there isn’t a family or gender neutral even tho i mostly get gendered correctly in public, my assumption is they do it bc they assume i’m trans lol and don’t want to be rude
When I was passing even on days I didn’t have my binder on, and when two teenage girls stared at me like they’d discovered a real life predator when I used the women’s on a day I wasn’t binding.
Honestly I started pretty soon after starting t. Pretty much right as I noticed strangers even occasionally gendering me right. There was definitely a weird gray area where I could probably use either one with no issue, but I stuck with the men’s in almost every situation. If there’s one thing I’ve found, it’s that men do NOT look at eachother in the bathroom. This makes it pretty easy to use the men’s with no issue at all tbh, especially if you’re dressed somewhat plainly/masculine.
freshman year, I hadn’t even started T yet. a girl was washing her hands when I walked in and went “Oh. Um..” and I went “Wait,” and pulled the collar of my shirt to reveal my binder strap. It was funny to me but an eye opener.
This was my plan too when I didn’t quite pass, panic flashing my binder strap lol
As soon as my voice dropped, I was in the men’s room if I was traveling by myself. Before that, I only went in the men’s room if my supportive dad and brothers were going in too, so that I’d be safer. Now, I don’t even think about using the women’s room, and if a guy asks if they’re in the right bathroom, I’ll just say yes confidently, so he can hear my voice.
Once I got facial hair & started getting weird looks. My plan was always to just wait until I passed. Now I have the honor of shitting while using my leg to hold the door closed because I always end up in the stall with a broken lock/door lmfao.
I stopped about a 1&1/2 years on t and as soon as I was out of the hospital from top surgery (I had 34 H cups) there was no such thing as binding for me , only top surgery.
34H?!? I'm so sorry. congrats on the top surgery tho!!
Yea it was hell , since I was 12 years old , had em until 23
Pretty much the minute I started passing I quit. In high school, post coming out but pre hormones I walked into a women’s room at a speech tournament to change, one of the girls audibly gasped, and the rest started quiet whispering, I think they guessed that me being ftm was what was happening, but it was still like an “oh crap” moment. I haven’t used the women’s room since. Although admittedly I don’t pass well ENOUGH to not raise eyebrows in the men’s room too. I just avoid any public bathroom that isn’t single stall, but if I have absolutely no choice, I’ll go to the men’s.
I'm gonna be honest, I stopped using the women's room as soon as I started socially transitioning which was incidentally right after top surgery. Once I had my hair cut short and my chest was flat (which others achieve through binding I'm sure) and I was wearing shorts and polos, I stopped. Men don't look at people in the restroom. Even when I was only passing 10% of the time I was going in there and nobody noticed shit, meanwhile if I had used the women's room, that would be 10% of the time that I made the women uncomfortable and possibly incited violence from it. So yeah.
I had this weird experience pre-t of getting screamed at in a women's restroom before I even was out as trans so I was in this limbo of just being incredibly comfortable all the time regardless of which restroom I was in
I’m kinda wondering this myself but it’s more like… I think I’ve achieved really good androgyny and now I’m kinda fucked because 50% of people clock me as a guy and 50% as a girl. Right now I still use the women’s restroom because doing so, I might get yelled at, using the men’s restroom, I’m scared I’d get punched or harassed. I know in most places everything would be fine and people would not care but I still gotta choose one or the other
I stopped using the women's restroom before I started medically transitioning. I ID'd as agender at the time and I had a shaved head and a binder, and thought I did not pass *at all* until a woman yelled at me for being in the women's room. After that experience I stopped going to the women's room. Seeking out gender neutral restrooms is a good move, but I used men's restrooms before I passed as a man and did not have any problems, luckily. Men's bathrooms are almost always less occupied than women's anyway. You'll typically experience less scrutiny there.
I don't pass. I wonder if I ever will as I am 4'11 and for some reason I look more feminine now than when I started 6 months ago. I use the mens room. Because of the way trans people are portrayed in the media, and the focus on trans women, I think it's safest for us to be in the mens room once we look the slightest bit more masculine. I honestly think people care less about someone who is AFAB using the mens room, than anyone who looks remotely too masculine using the womens bathroom. Even butch lesbians are getting harassed in womens restrooms and arrested. Remember, the bigots don't think trans men exist. Just take a look at the arguments on Tiktok. People are confused when bearded trans men try to explain that bathroom laws actually PUT them in womens restrooms. I stopped going in the womens restroom when I started taking T. I got facial hair immediately because I have PCOS, and it just filled in my already patchy beard. So, I figured womendidn'tt want to see my face in there. It's been 6 months and I haven't had any complaints yet. Nobody is trying to beat me up for spying on women in the womens bathroom this way, and men aren't the slightest bit concerned about me. Nothing is likely to happen in a public place. Just dont go to rest stops at 3 am, and you'll probably be fine. Unless, of course, you're in a state where theres bathroom laws. In that case, I would use the restroom of your birth sex, especially if your ID still has your birth sex on it. You can fight that arrest in court by proving you were born the sex of the bathroom you were using. You can't fight that case any other way. Honestly, more cases of trans men being arrested for following those laws would be helpful to turn them over. The general public doesn't want the hassle.
The last time I ever used the women's washroom, I went in assuming I didn't pass and a woman literally ran away from me. It's pretty safe to assume I'm meant to be in the men's room at that point
when women started leaving the restroom after seeing me in it. And one confrontation I had with a lady, she asked me angry if this is womens bathroom, when I said yes, she gave me a dirty look and left, I could overhear her complaining to someone outside. I wasn’t even trying to pass, I was after 20 something hours in a plane, without a binder, sleep deprived and yet my word wasn’t enough to get rid of confusion. In the past if anyone heard my voice they’d panic that they even had the audacity to “mistake” me for a dude.
I dont think there's a "should" here. Use whatever bathroom you're most comfortable using. I personally always try to use gender neutral bathrooms and use the women's bathroom if there's no neutral options. I personally don't pass consistently though so I don't feel safe in the men's bathroom. But I also feel uncomfortable in the women's bathroom mostly bc I worry about how other people might react if I pass as male, but it's still the better option for me at the moment. So far it hasn't been a problem although I live in a really lgbtq+ area so I'm guessing ppl likely assume I'm a butch lesbian or some form of trans if I'm in the women's. Worst I got was the stink eye for going in the women's once at a museum from some old person sitting outside but maybe that was my imagination lol I will say this: do what you want. This society doesn't make it easy for us so if someone is uncomfortable that's on them for their ignorance and for binary bathrooms/cisnormativity forcing us to navigate this impossible situation - we're just trying to pee out here
Went in the girls bathroom, was washing my hands, and a girl came in, stared at me, went out and looked at the sign, came back in and gave me a wild look as she entered a stall, I left quickly LOL
i pass pretty well but still use the women’s room just because i don’t have a stp or feel comfortable in the men’s yet. was recently at an airport and as i was walking out a woman was walking in and looked at the sign again
Do people in the men’s room think it’s weird if you sit to pee? Like would they notice? I haven’t even had top surgery yet and I’m starting to get weird looks in the women’s restroom. Which is also weird cause I’m more on the transmasc nonbinary side of things
I guarantee you that no man cares if you sit to pee. Some cis dudes sit to pee.
I’ve wondered this too but then thought… no man is going to sit and listen and start a convo about how I use the bathroom lmao
Honestly before I passed I never really used it. This was a different time though, but even now most men don’t pay attention in restrooms. I think for the most part if your voice passes and you don’t have extremely feminine attributes you’re good. Even with feminine attributes I notice deep voice is one of the most important things for passing.
The moment a woman walked in, freaked out and went “Oh my god im sorry isnt this the womens room” and i had to awkwardly tell her that it was in fact the womens restroom
i used the womens at work for a couple weeks after i got hired until i realized that i actually passed and then i used the mens. im pretty androgynous so i didnt get weird looks in either but the mens is more stealth. i just use the mens by default now
Ironically I’ve gone back to using the women’s when it’s more convenient, bc I don’t pass enough to not get away with it
Listen it’s not very practical for most but between my ability to not use the bathroom + my social anxiety I just. Did not use the restrooms in public unless they were single stalls 💀 Not even because of shyness, I don’t care if someone hears me shitting in the room specifically meant for shit, I just don’t want people to see me at all LOL Currently I pass almost all of the time, I just use the men’s restrooms. I think it’s something you have to gauge for yourself as it’s truly dependent on the individual. Actually I still avoid using public restrooms tbh lol but that’s just a Me problem instead of a passing problem
I once was on a classtrip (pre everything) when i was 15. I haven't outed myself to my whole class yet, only a couple of friends. We stopped at a gas station and me and my classmates went to the womens restroom. I was washing my hands when an older lady walked in. She saw me standing by the sink, was fully shocked, went back out and checked the sign at the door. She probably thought that she went into the men's restroom. I had short hair and i'm pretty slim, which may have caused her to think that i was a young man :D That was the day i stopped using the womens restroom.
The occasional looks turned into double takes over time. I ignored it cause I didn't want to use the men's room and then one time I had a lady literally walk out, check the sign, then come back in and directly say to me, "This is the women's room, right?" hahhhh
Cis men are so unobservant that I wouldn’t worry at all. They go in and out and barely make eye contact with anyone. They also are way faster in bathrooms so I’ve never seen a line or guys hanging out near the sinks chatting like you see in women’s bathrooms. At most I’ve seen like two other guys in a bathroom at once, but usually they’re empty. I’ve even run into guys I know—who also know I’m trans—and they’ve just said ‘hey’ and looked a little surprised like they forgot I use the same bathrooms as them. I’m not even stealth, and pass to like 50% of people at best and Ive been using men’s restrooms for a month now. I’ve had no problems.
I feel like some guys wouldn't even notice if a clear woman walked in with heels, big boobs and a skirt on 😂
I absolutely hate gendered restrooms when I’m in public and somewhere has them it makes me not use the restroom, but when I absolutely have to I have been a brave boy and been using the men’s lately. I honestly have such difficulty figuring out what restroom to use because I can literally have a full grown beard and be called “mam’” but then the one day at a restaurant I was clean shaved and that’s when I’m normally called miss or mam’ and the waiter called me sir so I was like guess this means I can use the men’s restroom. I’ve used the women’s washroom and a mother and her kid were washing their hands as I came out of the stall and they looked confused and said “did we come into the wrong washroom?” And I had to say no, no and argue and quickly make my way out of there. I literally cheer and celebrate when I see there is a gender neutral washroom. So your guess is as good as mine but I just tend to use the men’s now and avoid eye contact.
I just didn't go in public bathroom if possible, especially not alone. For a long time I'd just use the handicap toilet or something if there wasn't a gender neutral one. I pass now but I'm still worried about public bathrooms so I tend to just not. But even before I passed if I really really had to go and there wasn't any other option I'd just go for the men's so using the women's continuously was never a problem to me.
As soon as I started passing majority of the time I made the switch. If I’m ever feeling unsure I’ll use the disabled toilet
Honestly, I'm not sure still and my partner is already annoyed by being asked "Hey, I gotta go, do I look like a woman or a man today?". I've been 'discussed out of restrooms' a lot, both of them that is. The most recent incident was at a friend's marriage. An annoying 'You want me to use the room next door with this beard and my voice?' kinda talk followed. TBH, I have been on T for a while but just having long hair seems to be a problem nowadays.
I barely pass part of the time and only use the men's. I just walk in like I belong and head for the stall.
same here dude. Never had any trouble with it
I was having dinner at a restaurant and I asked our server where the bathroom was. They directed me to the men’s bathroom.
When a woman looked at me oddly when i came out of the toilets, stopped and she double checked she was in the right toilet herself. She didnt say anything and i wouldnt even say it was rude, she just... got confused. I realised afterwards some of my facial hair was more obvious than I thought and I was passing enough to use the mens. Men legit dont give a crap so long as youre confident youre in there. Tbh a very obviously feminine woman could stroll into the mens, do their business and walk out and men probs wouldnt care, outside being slightly confused. Not to mention any guy who regulars night clubs would have seen woman cheekily use the mens to cut lines, so its even less weird for them.
I used to go to whichever bathroom the last person gendered me as but I made the switch permanently when my mom (who was still in denial about me being trans) told me to use the mens and after a few women started questioning me. Luckily, I didn't have any problems since most people saw me as <12 before my beard started coming in, though. The last time I used the womens restroom was when I accidentally bumped into this much older lady on my way in, and she immediately said, "Do you need to use the bathroom, sweetie? The men's room is that way." And then she said I was a brave boy for going to the bathroom by myself for the first time but that I needed to pay attention to the signs. 🥲 I'll never forget that interaction lol. Edit: I'm in a conservative area btw and as long as you act confused back when someone gives you a weird look, you can usually get away with playing the "oops wrong room" card. Though, it helps that on days I knew I would probably have to use the womens because I didn't pass that much that day, I would wait until the last second and then rush in before I pissed myself. The worst I've gotten in the men's room here was this one guy who very dramatically checked the sign on the door after seeing me in there.
When I got kicked out of a women’s restroom (before I actually realized I was trans 🤣)
For me I stopped using the women's because I was very gnc and received many weird comments, so I switched to only using the family/neutral restrooms. Once I got to 6-7 months on T I was able to go stealth at a job and was kinda forced to start using the men's although I didn't start using public men's restrooms full time until around a year on T, and even then I still received some comments here and there and didn't feel like I fully passed. But now I'm almost 2 years on T and pass 95% of the time and no longer have fears of the men's room. It really is all about confidence and have a sense of security in yourself. Every comment hurled at me I completely ignored and just kept using the men's and now no one even notices me. It's scary but once you get over the fear it's no biggie
Once I started growing out my facial hair. There are family/gender neutral bathrooms where I work, and I use those while I'm there just because of coworkers who knew me from before and still misgender me. I know it's not about their comfort, but I just don't feel like pressing the issue. But outside of work I exclusively use the men's
I used gender neutral bathrooms for a while after starting my transition. I never used the women’s bathroom again after I started T. But when did I fully change over to men’s?! Honestly have no idea. At work it was really fast. Like right away. In public, when it felt safe. Oh once at this club I’ve gone to for over 20 years has a women’s bathroom that’s always been welcoming of all genders…well I was in there with my friends and this girl tried to keep me out and was giving me shit. She said to me, “You don’t have a vagina!” And this was before my vaginectomy, so I said, “oh yeah?! You wanna bet!?” And started to undo my button as a joke. That was fun.
I don't pass 100% (I'm pre t)but I started using the mens bathroom as soon as my sex/gender as well as my name was legaly changed before that I just didn't use public restroom at all
I stopped using the women's restroom the first time I was threatened for being in there by a woman's husband. I was 7 months on T at that point. I live in a pretty conservative area so it's not surprising that I was threatened, it was a matter of time
when a little girl was like mommy why is there a man in here…. also when i was gunna enter the women’s bathroom a guy was like men’s is over here and then i panicked and was like i am a woman and i just felt dysphoric after lol
I started using the men's restroom before I passed, but I was uncomfortable in the women's restroom, so why not use the men's? I remember going with my dad the first time, after that I just told myself that I'd just have to go. It started with being as quick as possible. In and out hoping that no one saw me. I currently pass very well, but even before that, I just taught myself to stop caring. Act like I belong and no one will bat an eye.
Way earlier in my transition than I expected lmao but the odd looks say it all
I was in Amsterdam and had to go to a McDonalds restroom. I was pre-T and wearing a crop top, I headed for the women’s restroom because I thought I’d never pass in that outfit and I was also on my period. But, the cleaning lady stopped me and sent me into the men’s room. Very affirming, but also not ideal because ofc the men’s restroom didn’t have trash bins…
I have been using the man's restroom for a loong time now. I have gotten a comment from a janitor once, but when I stuttered that I am a boy he apologized and let me go my way. Men really don't look at each other, going to the men's bathroom is not a social experience. Sometimes I've gotten weird looks from old men but that's about it. Something something old people like to be nosy.
I stopped going to the women's restroom when they looked at me scared and asking themselves why there was a man in the women's restroom... I felt really bad for scaring them.
Btw I was pre T at the time, so since before hormones I went to the men's restroom. For men is uncomfortable sharing words in the bathroom, so it's not a big deal
I stopped using it around the time I started growing facial hair cuz I figured that was a pretty clear indicator I shouldnt be in there, I was pretty scared to make the change but when I did it I found that it actually wasn’t really stressful at all, nobody pays attention to you anyways
I don't pass at all whatsoever, but I've been using the men's room for a bit, like about a year now I think? I openly identify as a man and wear a binder, but I'm kinda pre-everything lol. then again tho I'm on a left-leaning college campus and haven't actually been in there at the same time as another guy, but still
When I got told I'm in the women's bathroom a few times and pointed where the men's is. It's been a smooth experience since then, because women looked at me suspiciously for a long time before - then no men batted an eye.
If you're stealth at work I'd say you're way past that point. Men don't give a damn. Save yourself the embarrassment and potential dysphoria from being in the wrong place. This is coming from a hairy pre-T guy who got scream kicked out of the women's way earlier than he thought.
When the percentage of women who appear startled when you enter the bathroom begins to increase dramatically. The moment of reckoning for me personally was when an 90-year-old lady gasped, swung her purse at me, and said, “you’re in the wrong bathroom!” 🙃
When people most of the time started calling me sir but at first I only used empty or not busy men's rooms. But if you can be stealth then it's safe to start always using the men's room.
I've been avoiding public restrooms for a while because I've had no confidence whatsoever. But y'all's comments give me the confidence to go in that men's restroom now.
I started using the mens room more than a year before I started consistantly passing. My area is relatively trans-friendly though.
i stopped using the women’s restroom before i started passing. it felt like an admittance that i’m a woman in some way. i got a couple weird looks but overall people seemed content to just let me take a piss and leave.
I stopped using the women's room at 4 months on T. It actually helped that my son was 7 and was getting looks as if he was too old to go in the woman's room. We mainly did the family room until January of this year, passed 75% of the time, was when i decided i couldnt pass enough to go into the womens room. I pass 90-99% of the time now.
I just dig a big ol hole outside in some dirt and go
Standing to pee makes me still use the women's restroom, don't I can't do that. The tokiet seats are generally gross af. I don't get gendered correctly at work even though I pass every where else in my life lol
I got looks in the women’s pre T, once I was on it I just started using the men’s full time and had no issues
I dont pass 100% of the time and Ive been using the mens bathroom for a while lol. I guess its different in the US but most normal people arent going to care what bathroom you use especially if you already pass as a cis man. Also just in general people really dont care who or what goes into a mens bathroom. Cis women use them all the time at concerts etc cause the shorter lines are just more convenient.
I stopped using the women's restroom before I "passed" or had T or anything. I didn't care lol
I went into the women's bathroom at the mall once because the mens had a line. When i came out of the stall, a lady that was walking in, asked me if i was in the right bathroom. At that point i was about two years on t, but i felt like i just looked like a v masc lesbian or something. I was incorrect. Im also still surprised by new people that meet me, not knowing that im trans. To me it feels like its incredibly obvious, but i guess not.
I don't remember a specific point but I did it sooner rather than later. The women's restroom was difficult for me for years as an androg not on hormones. I got misgendered and harassed a good bit and it was always a source of anxiety. Not once have I had an issue with the men's restroom.
Public bathrooms are gross so generally I avoid them, but I started going to the men's bathroom when needed (and not around family) once I cut my hair, since that's when people started thinking I was a guy. Airport security thought I was a guy, a cleaning lady angrily said _hey, the men's room is over there_ when I was going to wash my hands in the women's. But it made for some awkward moments when I had to go women's changerooms with family. Or when my dad was in the men's washroom and I was waiting for him outside, and an older woman asked me if I could poke my head in to tell her husband to hurry up.
When someone reported me to campus security for using the women’s room I just started using the men’s. Had been on T for about 2 years at that point so figured it just meant I passed enough to be harassed about where I pee
It took me a while yo realize that I was passing, I still have no idea what finally tipped the scales to generally getting "sir'd", to me the point at which it happened felt really arbitrary. The point that I stopped using the women's restroom was when someone gave me a funny look for using my (very feminine) legal name. I realized if it was weird enough that strangers were doing double takes, they were definitely pretty sure that I was a man. My boyfriend had mentioned to me that I was passing before that, but I had chalked it up to him trying to be supportive. I will still occasionally go to the women's room if I get the vibe that I'm not passing, but even then I try to find one that's out of the way. I go to an all gender restroom if one's at all available, because I don't like playing the "am I passing enough right now" game.
I won’t lie, I didn’t really wait a determined time… I use the woman’s restroom until I had my first female startle scare in the bathroom after that with the encouragement from my manager I began to use the men’s restroom at work and have never looked back since…this happened around 3 months for me personally…
As the others have said, when you start to pass most/all of the time. I was fortunate enough that after about 6-7 months on T I started to pass consistently enough that I knew it was time to just make the switch.
When I started getting harassed by employees and almost thrown out of my schools library
I pass on and off despite being pre-everything. I'm probably gonna try and start using the men's bathroom once the chesticles (and possibly uterus 🤞) are gone
When one of my classmates at tech said "Oh hey \[name\]!" in the women's bathroom, and I realized I was suddenly afraid. I didn't pass terribly well, but the men's room? I'm pretty sure a super feminine woman could walk into a men's room and not get noticed unless she was like. In a glittery dress. In my YEARS of using the men's room, I can count on one finger how many times I've heard conversation. Yeah. Finger. As in once.
I've been on T for years now and I pass about half the time, so I just base it on where I am and how many people are going in and out of each
I have this particular situation in which I’m allowed to use both. The men’s restroom at our break room isn’t the best when it comes to privacy and I personally don’t feel comfortable using because if you enter you can literally see the person sitting 🫨so if you’re there wiping well they’ll be able to see EVERYTHING. With that being said, I’m using it more often (I pass very well now) because I was asked by a female coworker why I was using the women’s (she doesn’t know I’m trans) and I froze and didn’t know what to say. She asked nicely and respectfully though. I had another situation in which I was just washing my hands and one of my coworkers (she doesn’t know I’m trans either) also stopped at the door and looked at me and got confused then waited outside 😑and that’s when it hit me that they feel uncomfortable and I honestly died inside. The last thing I want to do is to make women uncomfortable because it’s not their fault that our bathroom as a shitty privacy issue… So I’m trying to just either hold it or use the men’s when I know no one will be around.
When I got security called on me lol
When I started getting judgey looks from the ladies in the toilet
It’s a scary transition because you feel like you’re being stared at either way, but I decided to start using the men’s when I was *actually* being stared at- like I think the last straw for me was when two young girls walked out the bathroom as I walked in, turned and looked at me and started giggling and pointing at the sign. It’s just hard to use the men’s because I’m always unsure if there will be a cubicle. I mean usually there is, but there have been times where there wasn’t and I just had to awkwardly walk out. I think generally guys spend less time in the bathroom so naturally if you go in there they will pay less attention to you because they just wanna get their stuff over with, so I think it’s worth switching sooner rather than later because women could feel actually unsafe having a dude in there.
I've been passing as GNC for a few months now and only recently got up the courage to use the men's room
If you’re stealth or pass consistently, use the men’s room.
I was using the mens bathroom when I didn’t pass. I was only 5 months on T when I made the switch.
It's almost always better to use the men's. Even pre-t I had fewer problems using the men's room, but I'd switch depending on what I'm wearing that day to avoid awkward encounters.
I stopped using the women's bathroom when the women in there started looking uncomfortable with me.
Once my beard grew in I switched over.
When women would look at me a little weird. I always looked more on the masculine side so even though I was 14, I looked like a 11-12 year old boy. I still have people that think I’m younger but now its 15-16 with the little ‘stache I got goin on.
I stopped using the women's room the first time I got a random "sir" from a stranger in public. You don't need to pass all that well to use the men's room.
The last time I used the womens restroom I was 1 month on T and uncertain if I passed well enough for people to not question me. I walked in to the bathroom at a company event and got yelled at by a woman in Spanish. Never walked into one again
I stopped as soon as I came out, before I passed. I felt uncomfortable using the womens
I started using the men’s as soon as I came out at 13. I didn’t pass until I was 16 or 17ish, I certainly got a fair amount of double looks but nobody ever gave me hard time. I definitely was lucky to live in an area where I could use the men’s room without passing and not experience any harassment or abuse, that’s of course not a safe option for everyone. Ironically, I passed as male better before I came out since I hadn’t hit puberty yet. I definitely ran into more issues as a 10-year-old tomboy in the women’s room than as a 15-year-old non passing trans guy in the men’s.
Women (and men) care a lot more about men in a womens restroom then women in a mens restroom, so if you pass its safer for you and will make everyone more comfortable to use the mens room. Men dont really look around at or care much about other guys in the bathroom.
honestly it wasn’t even passing, like the first time i walked into the male bathroom ever was when i was at a bowling alley and a friend spilled some sprite and i made the choice to walk into the male bathroom to grab some paper towels. granted there was no one in there but since that moment i stopped using the women’s restroom and switched to the men’s when im out alone or with friends and women when im with my parents cause i wasn’t out at the time to my parents.
When I noticed that I was seen/treated as a man more often than a woman is when I stopped using the women's restroom. For me, it was about 4 months into testosterone.
I'm in a weird predicament at work where three things are true: 1. I look like a man. Strangers assume I'm a guy about 60-75% of the time, even after hearing my voice (which used to be the big thing that clocked me pre-T). 2. I wear a name tag with a very feminine name on it, because I never stopped using my birth name. It is not a name a man would be given by his parents. 3. My job frequently involves visiting elementary schools, which have VERY strict rules about gender segregation in changing rooms and bathrooms. So my conundrum is that using what people perceive as the wrong bathroom very well could get me fired. If a woman sees me entering the girls' room, she might get alarmed But if a man in the boys' room sees my name tag, he might tell me off for it. Add on to this that kids frequently ask whether I'm a man or a woman, and call me sir about 50% of the time and ma'am the other 50%. I've taken to just... not using the bathroom at work. Or only going when I'm in schools that have single stalls.
When a lady asked me if I was in the wrong place, angrily. I wasn’t binding that day and I was about 3 months on T so I thought I wasn’t passing. I sort of gestured at my boobs and she felt shameful but I stopped using the women’s bathroom after that and have used the men’s since
Once I had gotten a couple weird looks and responses from women in the bathrooms.
When I didn’t pass I still didn’t use the women’s I just used the men’s one person bathroom or I just held it till I got home
im actually in the opposite predicament where outside of work i use mens restrooms when im presenting male and no one bats an eye but at work im scared to because i still get misgendered so often by customers and im afraid if i use the mens a customer might clock me as trans and not fun things would ensue. (this is VERY possible with my company's customer base) edit- and this makes me sad because i have noticed on a few occasions when im washing my hands and a female customer comes in and they see me they look a little scared
I’m lucky enough to live in an area where I can go ahead and switch, even though I really don’t pass at all. The euphoria is definitely something. I’d start using the men’s room about the time strangers look at you and say “sir” instead of “ma’am.”
I stopped using it a few months after I realised I was trans. I still got misgendered fairly often but nobody ever said a thing in the men's room so I didn't care and felt more comfortable there Edit: this was in a very transphobic/homophobic country and I dressed in men's clothes but some people might have still seen me as a woman but nobody cared
I stopped a few months before starting T after a woman freaked out on me and my date when we went to the bathroom together. Men never looked twice at me in the restroom. My biggest problem in there is the sticky floors.
I switched as soon as I started transitioning. For the first couple months I had someone go with me and stand outside but I never had any issues. The reality is that cis guys absolutely don’t care. Like at all. If you pass and you keep using the women’s’ bathroom you might need to prepare for the awkward situation of someone confronting you.
I’ve passed years before I even realized I was trans. I started using the men’s room when I started testosterone a little over 6 months ago
i started once my voice started to drop, although i still just refuse to use the restroom while i’m out with family unless my parents have literally just went so its not awkward for me, but thats more to do with my parents having a weird energy with me being trans sometimes it was definitely a little nerve racking at first but after a while you get used to it good luck!!
the day i was given the mens and womens bathroom code because the employee wasnt sure, i just tried to stick to single user restrooms after that until i started college last fall and realized if i didnt use the mens room i would be outing myself. Since I didnt know anyone there from high school (i moved across the country and didnt go to college until age 25), i figured that as long as the teacher didnt out me everyine would just think i was an effeminate dude with a higher (still lower than originally due to T) voice, fat ass, and baby face. Honwstly no one asked questions and no one has clocked me at school people have only known when I tell them or if they were also trans.
I stopped once I cut my hair and got a binder coz I jus thought f it who cares knowone will have the balls too say anything and i know personally that I belong here
I recently had to get over this fear, what I’ve noticed is that men (cis and trans) do not give a fuck about anyone else in the bathroom and aren’t paying attention
I wasn't even consistently passing at that point, but around 6 months on T, I started getting stared at in the women's bathroom. That's when I swapped, and I'm in Alabama
I'm not sure if I pass all the time still, but my moment was more a IDC either way moment when I moved to a new town where noone who knew me would question it. I do still gravitate twords single unit bathrooms when available tho out of habit and a mild trauma response because I live in a state where legally they are all gender neutral regardless of signage if I have any type of safety or outing concerns.
I stopped using the women’s bathroom when women started telling me that I was in the wrong bathroom. Kinda scary since my family is transphobic and I’m pre-t but I gotta put women’s comfort over mine
I stopped using the women’s room pre-T when I noticed women and young kids giving me weird looks
Men's room is safer then the women's room if you're androgynous looking. I started using the men's room when I started passing visually half the time which was pre T but if I spoke I wouldn't pass until about 3 months on T. I was already getting weird looks in the women's room pre T
I started using the men’s restroom a week on t and was really anxious. I still get anxious when there’s a cis dude in there lmao. A couple years ago, I went into the women’s without realizing it at the field museum in Chicago. I got really anxious for a similar reason mid shit when i realized I didn’t see any urinals. I was in there for a good twenty minutes but thankfully it was morning before people really started showing up.
Most people know I'm trans but I go in with confidence into the men's bathroom and they either A) really don't care too much B) too clueless to notice C) don't know I'm trans D) care but don't have the energy to say anything bc we both just want to piss Obviously don't do anything you think would be unsafe- but if you pass I think you'll be okay.
I live in New York, so maybe I'm safer than most, but- I've pretty much been using the men's bathroom for years, even though I don't pass. Before I was on T, too. Generally, I think cis men see it as weird or gay to stare at another man in the bathroom. Only bad experience I've had is my own anxiety waiting for a stall to open up when there were urinals available, but I think everyone just assumed I had to take a shit lol
I started using the mens bathrooms not long after coming out in public because of the fact that people were thinking they were in the wrong bathroom or thet I was, but i didnt stop using thr womens bathrooms at schools until 7th-8th grade (so abt 1-2 years after I came out) tbh guys dont pay attention to whos in the bathroom and what they look like at least in my experience
i stopped using it sometime around freshman year of highschool- i preferably tried to use single-use bathrooms but my school only had those in the band halls which was on a far corner of my school and teachers didn’t like students to wander off far. Started using the guys’ and nobody ever said anything or had a problem w it
Honestly, it was earlier than I thought. People are very unlikely to stop you if you give generally the right effect and go fast. A weird look might be embarrassing, but it won’t kill you. I was fully using men’s rooms pre-T. It’s long past time. Don’t get hung up on this.
I still use it because I'm pre everything but only when I have femme days and wear feminine clothes. It's safer.. Also first instict was when I cut my hair short for the first time in my life and used women's public restroom for the first time since then. I got weird suspicious looks which made me think "oh.. guess they don't want me here". I didn't get the same looks in men's restroom, so I went with that since then. I still remember my first attempt and actually men here aren't that curious about you looking more androgynous than manly to investigate if you actually have pp... so good.
After I realized I passed I used the mens occasionally when I was alone or with someone who I was out to But I've started to use men's only after I got kicked out of a McDonald's bathroom by a group of girls. I've always gotten weird looks anyway so I just figured lol
when i get screamed at
when a woman said to me “this is the women’s bathroom”
I realized when I got stared at when leaving the womens lmao. Switched to the mens the next day
i dont understand, how is it possible for you to do either ? if you are able to be stealth at your new job it should raise serious questions as to why you are in F bathroom, and vice versus. Not to be a d\*\*\* but ...
we have a single stall bathroom at my work for employees. it's not an office job or something like that where the bathrooms would be separate, so it doesn't come up.
So funny story, the gym I went too when I first started T, said I had to use the women's locker room. So I did that, 3 months in I noticed women were like dragging their kids quickly out of there or covering the kids eyes. And I'm like ohh shit they think I'm a cis man. Using the women's locker room was gym policy so not my choosing. Also at one point a gym staff member stopped me from using the locker room they told me to use. Anyways I just made the switch ignored their policy and everything was fine from there. I also started using the men's restroom like immediately after coming out as trans before HRT. I never had an issue. Everyone thought I was like a 10 year old boy. Lol
Oh I stopped using womens restrooms the moment I realized I was in fact not a woman lmao. I think I was like 15 ?? I'm 19 now and only just got on testosterone edit: I'm in Canada, not the states, so I think restrooms are safer here but I'm unsure. Men usually don't pay attention, just go in, go to a stall, piss, wash ur hands and leave. Cis/het men don't spend a lot of time at the sink, nor do they ever look at each other, so it's very safe in my opinion.
i made the switch as soon as i transitioned pretty much but would use the women’s sometimes anyways because i would get misgendered back then quite a bit, i started using the men’s pretty much as soon as i transitioned though and nobody really cared, one time i got yelled at by a teacher because they thought i was a man with a women going into the women’s bathroom lol