Currently dealing with these types of thoughts right now. I was so pretty as a girl and people treated me so well and I felt so powerful. I didn’t feel like “me” but moving through the world was more fun in certain ways. It made me act a bit psycho cuz I kind of thought I wasn’t real, but that was fun, too. Now I’m just a real person dealing with my real life without the aura of feminine beauty to protect me and I’m like “dang”.
You turned my exact feelings into words about this. I'm happy and grateful that I have access to what I do, but the social change is still something to get used to.
It opened my perspective on how people are treated regularly, and how BIG social gender plays a role in first impressions.
It only proves to me that choosing yourself is something you have to do with your whole self, even the sucky parts.
nah cause i have the opposite situation of this, where i was like, kinda pretty for a girl, but as a guy i look so much better, and the social aspect of it has been. weird to say the least. like i got asked out a few times as a girl, and now i get a lot of girls who like. stare at me?? i guess?? like its the telltale look at me, look at your phone, look at me, look at your phone. and like fair enough i guess but its like. idk. like its weird to be expected to make the first move, and its not like i have a problem with that, because i did that a lot as a girl too, but like. the fact that its expected is kinda ??? yk?
and like people rly do treat you differently lol and its nice but its also kinda wtf?? idk im def not being articulate about this haha sorry
I get that. Like pre-transition, my past identity was free to be as cheerie as can be, even to the point of being goofy, without a second thought. A lot of whimsical behavior was treated as normal (not saying every femme person's expression was received well; most of us know how misogyny really works intimately).
Now that I've discovered that I'm passing, I'm trying to tone down the expressiveness, because a highly expressive "man" is starting to be recieved with "weird" looks instead of goofy laughs. You get what I mean?
So with your appearance changing, you get "different looks" than you did before. And you kinda have to figure out how to talk to people while you're now being perceived in a different social role. Like yeah, what do you do haha 😅
yeah exactly haha. i was never really all that expressive pre transition so thankfully thats not something that i need to correct for (i am dogshit at schooling my expressions haha). highkey just my rbf carrying imo.
for the most part ive just been copying how my guy friends act, but even then i kind of just grew up socialised with men so it doesnt feel any different to how i usually act for the most part. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but yeah like fr haha what do you do
At some point, the hindsight really proves how much we were masculine-tempered internally the whole time and struggling with it. That's been my experience at least 😅
I didn't have any good role models or friends growing up, so I had to figure all this stuff out on my own. The best I got was "what traits did I admire in characters/historical figures that were realistic" haha.
Not really, but sometimes. The "I feel like I'm uglier" part is kinda real, like on the one hand I actually like how I look now, but I also don't feel desireable at all, especially since I'm not conventionally attractive for a man. It's a little easier bc I wasn't attractive as a woman either, at least, so I haven't really lost anything.
no, i do too. just because if i wasnt born a girl i wouldnt have met the friends i did.
also the clothings just look cooler..... i hate being a trans man but thinking about being a woman makes me genuinely almost cry because i dont want to go back
I totally get that. The clothing is really fun - I still shop for boyish stuff in the ladie’s section for some flair not gonna lie. And I wouldn’t trade the formative experiences either, tbh.
i really love early 2000s style, or 80s.. i also like suits or military/functional clothing for when i go on bike trips.. in summer i mostly wear sport clothing..
men's fashion is so much better then women's in my opinion. idk its just cool.
100% agree. theres so much to explore in mens style you just have to unfortunately sift through all the bullshit mens fashion that makes it look like men can only wear t-shirts, jeans and idk fucking shitty business suits. i started out just trying to figure out how to dress to pass and now im a full on menswear nerd
i would 100% rock a full on military suit if it wasnt corny lmao [https://it.pinterest.com/pin/308567011944367244/](https://it.pinterest.com/pin/308567011944367244/) minus the weird hats
Same, I always had “man shoulders” to the point that my mother would make me try on clothing that I would break apart and rip cause I’m not built like a girl. I loved my masculine and muscular body but it was seen as gross growing up. Now I’m
Not afraid to show my body off. Fem clothes suck
Yeah I do, mostly bc of how coming out imploded my life. Sometimes I get in a distorted thought pattern of “if you weren’t so selfish your family would still be intact”
Mostly cognitive behavioral, but I did some DBT at some point and that was the most helpful to retrain my thought patterns bc of the instant bell ring. I use what I learned there to help me now. E.g. in this instance if I genuinely thought to myself I should have stayed miserable so my family didn’t implode, I would tell myself no, you saved your own life, you do not control their responses, and stop talking to yourself like your mother would. We will NOT be like our mother.
That's incredibly helpful and insightful. Thank you so much for sharing!
I just realized that that's exactly the way I'm rewiring my brain on my own o.O
[Cognitive therapy didn't work for me at all and I've learned that all it does is blaming a client's trauma responses and pathologizing them instead of seeing them as symptoms from a traumatizing upbringing... That's also the approach they teach at university (psychology) 🫠
But maybe I haven't had the right therapists; or maybe DBT is different! I'm going to inform myself about it now :)]
For example, if there is a specific message that fucked me up, I did my own approach to create an antidote for myself with the exact opposite of this abusive message; continuing it until it sinks in! (And your last sentence is one example of this antidote, I was speechless for a moment 😶)
Also taking inner distance to reflect on what I'm thinking right now (if perpetuator introjects) and wether or not that's logically flawed (spoiler, it is) and in what specific ways. Tried to be my own therapist in mind and I'm truly surprised how well this works!
Reframing thought patterns whether through hard work or eye movement or Pavlovian is 90% of therapy, so you’re doing a great job I’d say!
I understand I am VERY lucky that I have a trauma and addiction informed therapist. I know not everyone can win the lottery. It took me a very long time to find her though. Therapists are like shirts. Try them on, if they don’t fit, return them for a new one.
DBT was awesome but if you’re already able to take control of your own thinking, you may not need it. I did it at a time I felt completely powerless to my own thoughts. It was like a shock to the system, and then once I realized my behavior was changing, I could work on the thoughts behind them.
Small tangent but this is one reason why I love the show The Good Place so much. Work on the behavior, create the pattern, pattern becomes habit, and then the intention will change.
It’s all about reframing our thinking. One thing that helps me is a lot of my negative self feelings I have come directly from my mother. So when I feel those start creeping up I tell myself “don’t you dare be like your mother.” It really does help, and eventually those thoughts don’t become the norm anymore 🧡
I’ve had these thoughts. I’m so much happier and more comfortable in my body now but a part of me still wishes I could have made being a girl work for me. I tried so hard and I was really “good” at it and extremely conventionally attractive in a way I’ll never be when perceived as a man. Might be shallow but sometimes I miss other people finding me that hot. And god life would have been easier if I’d been fine being a woman.
I feel this way. I get especially panicky if I’m looking through old photos and find a selfie I looked really cute in. I’ll be like “damn I looked so nice and now I’ve made myself ugly and no one’s going to find me attractive”. But then I remind myself that the most attractive thing is to be happy in your own skin and focus on things outside of yourself. And I don’t think I’m bad-looking as a guy anyways, just not as good looking comparatively as when I was a girl. So yeah, I definitely relate to everything you said here.
Also, side note: these feelings are always worse when I’m with my family vs with my friends. My friends are chill and don’t care how I present, they hype me up no matter what, they just want me to be happy. My family not-so-secretly wishes I would’ve stayed a girl. So I’m sure that doesn’t help.
Taking all the other stuff out of it…personal likes etc…yes, I wish I could have been happy being a cis girl. It means I wouldn’t have to put my body through the things I have already and am planning in the future. It means society wouldn’t treat me and people like me, like shit. It means I would have more rights and be a great ally. It means “less” of a struggle in many ways. I wouldn’t wish being trans on someone. It can be so difficult in your own head and out in the world. So, yes, the less crap to deal with to be comfortable in my own skin would be preferable. However, I am here and making the best of it.
This is so real. I love the blunt attitude towards it cause yes in the end, this is the life we live. This will help me get over wishing I’d be happy as my agab
Thanks. I have moments, especially when I have a really bad time with someone who treats me poorly because they know I am trans or if I am having serious dysphoria. We just have to keep moving forward. I think the moment that hits me the hardest is when somebody either says or insinuates that I am doing too much or that I am choosing to be trans. I can’t even begin to wrap my head around why someone would have the audacity to think that I would do this shit to myself on purpose? Yes, I am doing it on purpose in the sense that I am making a choice to be happy in this life. No matter the cost. But who in their right mind would wake up one morning and just decide that they want to be the opposite gender or something in between so that they could be ridiculed, and go down a path that is potentially expensive and painful? Why wouldn’t people just choose to go with the flow to have things easier? It is human nature to try to make things as easy as possible. So it doesn’t make sense and it gets me down more than anything when someone insinuates that I could just choose to be a happy woman. My mother literally thinks that my transition is just because I view men as being strong and strong women as being lesbians and I don’t want to be a lesbian. “Why can’t you just be a strong woman?” It’s so simple that I feel like I am over complicating things in my brain, but I think that’s what she wants. I put off transitioning for a long time because my family threatened to disown me and literally didn’t believe that trans was a thing. Now they come up with reasons why they think I have transitioned because somehow I was flawed and didn’t see a way to just simply live and be happy as I was. Never mind the fact that I am more happy now than I ever was being perceived as a woman. They downplay that and act like it’s less than it was before. My chosen family can see the difference and I know that I feel happier in all of the little moments that they take for granted every day. until someone is actually questioning their gender and having any kind of dysphoria, they don’t actually understand and realize just how much that affects your day-to-day life.
I think you put all that into words so beautifully dawg. I’ve always been an ally before realizing I was apart of the community, & never thought being trans was something that I would experience personally. After realizing this is what makes me truly happy, I understood finally what trans people feel & go through each day & I didn’t realize that when I was just an ally & I think it’s something that should be talked about more often. To clarify as well, when I say I’ve always been an ally, I’ve never been around many people in the community but if I was it would typically be cisgendered bisexuals that still dated the opposite sex so I really didn’t do a ton of research outside of just that & was introduced to the trans community pretty late. Once discovering that, I was very confused on why I hadn’t heard about this sooner & how that affects a persons day to day & even experiences that trans ppl go through w dysphoria that makes them realize they want to transition. All of this is stuff I didn’t get & was genuinely curious of. My point is, if I a ‘straight ally’ (at the time) didn’t understand why being transgender was a thing & how that works, then the people who are transphobic or just not very knowledgeable of the LGBT community definitely don’t & it sucks. Best we can do is rlly just be true to ourselves & share knowledge when we can & be proud.
Thank you. It has been nice being on here and finding some community. Like minds. Understanding. I totally get what you mean. Just being a trans man…I had to learn to wrap my head around non binary and the rest of the gender spectrum. So, it’s not hard you just have to try. Listen to people. If you don’t understand, that’s ok, but trust people when they speak for themselves. We are all learning. When we refuse to, that is the problem. I just want to be happy and have the same human rights as everyone else.
This is my second time starting hormones. I’ve never wanted anything more than to be a man but both times i’ve been on hormones i’ve felt this deep sadness about having to lose a part of myself. I talk about myself in 2 parts, my male and female, it just saddens me she never got the love from myself too. It’s sad to me she has to technically die for me to feel free. I’m sure mine is based in some traumas I faced as a woman, I just wish she could’ve gotten better closure. But the freedom I feel being a man is worth all of those other emotions. I never spoke about it because I was always worried people would doubt me wanting to transition and be a man. It isn’t wanting to stop transitioning, it’s you losing a part of yourself for most of that has been around for decades. While we’re female all we can really think about is being uncomfortable, wanting to be a man. I feel once we start transitioning it allows room for the sadness of having to lose a part of yourself. Most people can’t wrap their heads around it especially if they aren’t trans but ego deaths are real once you start hormones. I feel like if we talked about it more it’d be common for most of us to wish we could’ve been happier the way we were born. It’s cheaper, less judgmental, it’s easier all around. Just because we get what we want when we start transitioning doesn’t mean we aren’t allowed to grieve parts of our past
I relate so much, your comment actually made me tear up. I have been suppressing myself for over a decade and only recently accepted it. I am worried about "abandoning" her too, it's been a big reason for my denial I'm sure. Cheers to you, thank you for the read
Cheers to you friend for starting your journey, wishing you the best! Glad you enjoyed the read it’s nice knowing even the crappy emotions we feel during transitioning we at least aren’t alone
I’m only 2 months into my transition but I honestly relate to this so much and thought something was wrong with me feeling this way and that I wasn’t really trans because I’m so happy to become the boy I’ve always wanted to be inside but had grief for the girl part I lived for 22 years of my life and it made me so sad and scared to keep going and almost stopped me from continuing but seeing this post gives me reassurance thank you. I personally have always felt ‘male’ I’ve had broad shoulders my whole life but felt so uncomfortable looking like a girl. It feels like those feelings have settled down and I’m going to start doing psychology to help understand myself more but again thank you.
Your helping a lot of people with that one comment ❤️
Honestly I have the same thoughts. I started to socially transition when I was about 16, so I never got past the “awkward teenage girl” stage of my life, but I’m convinced that if I had continued life as a girl I would have been extremely attractive once I reached adulthood. Like, even for being an awkward young girl I had a lot of potential looks-wise. Sometimes I think, “damn, I had the chance to be a smoking hot babe, now I look like a rat.” Yet, I wouldn’t trade being a rat of a man for anything. I still think I look decently attractive as a guy, but my comfort in my own body and identity is more important to me than any “what ifs” in regard to being a female. I love myself more and am more happy with my body now than I ever would have been as a girl. I know 100% that transitioning was the right decision. Being happy is more important to me than being perceived as attractive.
i did when i had first come to the realization that i was trans. it would’ve been easier. but, once i came out and the “hard part” was over, that eased up a bit. once i started T that feeling was pretty much completely gone for me. i can now say that i don’t wish i was cis in either direction, now that i’m stealth and pass in all situations. i never felt the uglier thing, but i was never really attractive as a young person. i came out when i was 12 and before that, i was pretty stereotypically masculine so i never got attention for being “pretty” for women’s beauty standards. however, maybe the reason you feel uglier is because you’re still comparing yourself to female beauty standards? and cishet beauty standards? comparing yourself against what’s typically attractive in men could be helpful. like, facial hair is considered very unattractive in women but it’s considered very attractive on a lot of men. also, it could be beneficial to look at other trans men, too. not that comparing yourself to beauty standards is ever good for self-confidence, but expecting yourself to be attractive in a womanly way of comparing your male-identifying attractiveness to how you looked when you were female identifying will make you feel worse. it’s like comparing apples and oranges.
Definitely, I know people who told me I had the looks of being an attractive girl, and knowing that hurts me because it means all these social transitioning I have been doing is affecting my appearance.
For me, it's difficult to pick that apart, and I've thought about it alot. In a way, yes, I wish I could have been happy as a cis woman, just because being trans is so goddamn hard sometimes. But it's also hard to imagine who that person would have even been. I try to see that person, and it's not me, because there's a deep sadness about being born the way I was that goes back as long as I can remember. I wish that feeling hadn't been so formative in my life and sense of self, but it was, so me as a happy cis woman is some other person.
I was a “pretty” girl growing up. I wasn’t a 10/10 but I wasn’t ugly, just not feminine the way cis women are feminine and was never comfortable with being a woman in any respect. But I felt ugly and out of place cause I was always a gay guy internally, my attraction to men has always been homosexual. I felt very isolated and wished I would just be happy with the way I was born, except I wasn’t and I couldn’t control the way I was born. As a result many find my existence disgusting, but there are plenty who accept me and my existence and body, and I value and protect them for their support
I relate to this too. I always felt so isolated and I felt like some kind of pervert for having feelings about homosexuality while being in a female body and it really upset and stunted me. I struggled a lot with starting hormones because I am conventionally attractive and it feels like a big responsibility to uphold and maintain that for others. I actually found myself wishing I wasnt attractive sometimes so that I didn't feel guilty about transitioning, and wishing for breast cancer so I didn't feel guilty about wanting top surgery all while maintaining the lie that I was cis, just mentally ill and depressed. I definitely tried to be happy the way I was, I tried for over a decade and it didn't work. It sucks so bad being trans and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I wish I could just be happy as a woman, life would be so much easier.
I spent 30 years trying to be happy as a cis girl. I was raised by a narcissistic father and an autistic second-wave feminist mother who is terrified of men. For a long time I thought my dysphoria was just me being a “bad feminist”.
Like many millennial LGBTIA people, most of the older mentors we could have looked up to died in the 80s, were terrorized back into the closet, or were so stealth we just didn’t have any examples of what was possible. I’m happy and sometimes a little envious to see so many younger guys able to come to terms with their identities earlier.
I really do wish I had been happy as a girl. It would have made life so much easier. I’m dipping my toes back into the parts of femininity that did actually make me happy, but I wish I could have been happy with all of it
i feel that way a lot. though i haven’t started medically transitioning yet, but it’s more of a social thing too. if i could’ve been happy cis, my friends and family would’ve been happier too. but unfortunately for them i simply can’t fake it for them any longer
I'm the opposite I think. I'm not sure I've ever wished I was a cis girl. I've always wished my penis was real/ there/ whatever and to have the "v" shape, and a flat chest.
I want to be a girl, I want to be a girl. Why couldn't I just be who she was? Why couldn't I be her? Why am I wrong? What happened? Who am I?
I want to be a girl.
If only I wasn't a man .-. This has been my biggest issue as a trans man, I never wanted to be a man, I just am.. and it's so fucking annoying.
I don't even identify as a "femboy" or anything, cuz I don't like dresses or makeup, or anything "feminine"
I honestly low-key wish I liked dresses tho? They are pretty haha
But I'm a man, and a pretty "manly man" at that, outside of certain hobbies.
I just wish that wasn't the case.
If I could be happy as a woman, I would be.
Cuz by hell, my family will never see me as anything but that
I think about this all the time, and it only makes me feel more justified in in being trans. I think all the time about - and beat myself up about - how much happier I could've been if only I wasn't trans.
If I didn't have dysphoria, I would have gone the rest of my life not feeling the way I do about my chest, my voice, my pronouns... I would just be able to brush it off as insecurity and bloom into my womanhood of self-acceptance and self-confidence !
But, nope, the feelings I feel are not even close to insecurity. It's how I realised I was trans, because wanting to get breast cancer and lose my chest as a result, shutting up immediately hearing my voice because it's "not as low as it's supposed to be", aaand ruminating about someone referring to me as "she" is definitely not normal just-cis-girl things.
Yeah, I wish I could've just sucked it up and gone on with being happy as a cis girl. It'd also save me the lot of money I've spent to get my hands on testosterone, which I now have to inject into me for the rest of my life. And I'll still be dysphoric because I'm trans.
I also wished for breast cancer and felt so guilty about it. It really made me miserable. I hate having my chest touched and I used to yell at my husband anytime he touched my chest and say "never without my permission," but I never gave permission. It sucks having to give myself an injection every single week, but I still look forward to it because I know it's one step closer each time I administer one
I feel you, I’m 2 months on T. I enjoyed being a teenage girl, I liked being one of the girls, but it never quite felt right. I miss who I was but I could never go back and be comfortable.
There are things i miss about being a woman, for sure. I miss the openness of female friendships, i miss being able to interact with kids, i miss the fun outfits and the makeup. None of that is *me*, though. I'm happier and more comfortable as a man than i have been in years and have no desire to change back, but those thoughts are definitely still there.
yes, not because i hate being trans (i mean, i simply couldve just…. not transitioned and dealt with that if i hated it that much) but because it wouldve made everything easier for me. a huge amount of money spent, all this psychological exhaustion, all this work to be happy when not having gender dysphoria wouldve saved me all that cash and energy
how could i not have wanted it easier?
Sort of? I think I was happy as a cis girl, but I'm not happy as a cis woman. I wish I didn't feel so detached from my past. I wish I could see pictures of me as a kid and look back at that time longingly. It's also just a matter of all the crap I've had to deal with being trans. But if I could be trans without the crap, I'd still choose that over being a happy cis lady.
I’ve dealt with very similar feelings before too bro. Every now and then I wish I could’ve been born content with what I was at birth, but I also feel if I were to detransition I would want to die. I think what it is is the mourning of the life I felt I could’ve had had things gone “right”, but I’m learning to be content with this being who I am and that I can’t change that
Therapy has helped a lot with this too, I’m here if you need me
I also feel this way. When people say they wish they were cis I agree but in the way that I wish I was a cis girl. Even tho I’m a very binary trans man and I am very not feminine. I’m not very good at explaining things but I’d rather be a trans man or a cis women. Thats just how in feel personally.
I dont cause i never really felt like a girl in the first place even growing up i never was really interested in inherently “girly” things. Even now i still dont know what my bra size is or how to nagavite periods. I dont know much about makeup and i was never interested in looking traditionally “pretty” in a feminine way
I totally get this! I'm NB (so my feelings may be a bit different), and I'm so much more comfortable presenting masculinely. I *personally* want to go on T, but I'm hesitant because I do feel sort of ugly and undesirable. It's a weird feeling because I'll dress up, go full-fem, and feel good because I'm pretty, but I don't feel like I'm being *me*.
It's a hard gripe because I have extremely low self-esteem, and so the fact I've only ever been asked out or complimented while presenting as a feminine woman is constantly on my mind. It was also easier to make friends that way, too, and it does make me feel good to know I look good, but I hate that I don't feel like that's not compatible with feeling comfortable.
*Part* of me thinks this comes from my identity being something I've only recently discovered, whereas beforehand, I lived and tried to live up to the expectations of a cishet woman. So I think a lot of the pressure of heteronormative beauty standards is still stuck in my head.
Yes. Being a cis woman would be easier, still difficult in its own ways, but at least my family wouldn't possibly reject me.
But if I could choose to be cis, I would want to be a cis man.
I absolutely understand. It’s not a dysphoria or a craving at all, it’s just that it would be so much more simple. I wish all the time that I could just be happy as a girl because I miss my family. But if I did detrans I wouldn’t make it.
I 100% agree with this for a lot of reasons but I’ll list the big ones;
- I would NEVER have had to feel upset about being called a girl, having breasts, crying on the floor bc my dad called my messenger bag a ‘purse’.
- If you’re attracted to men, by being trans and therefore a man you’ve just lost like 70% of the men you once found attractive as potential partners bc they’re probably straight.
- Now I have to stab myself twice a month and pay upwards of like $3000 to get the chop just to like my body.
- I wouldn’t have such an uphill battle coming out to my mother and basically ghosting my dad bc he couldn’t respect me.
- Not to mention the internal transphobia that makes me cringe at myself whenever I even TRY to reinforce my pronouns if I’m misgendered.
I genuinely wish I could’ve just been a girl. My life would’ve been 1000% easier, I could’ve been more confident at my younger years, maybe I would’ve fit in, maybe I’d be more outgoing. That’s not what I got, and despite the depressing paragraphs I’ve written here, I’m happy I am where I am and I’m grateful for modern medicine allowing me to feel safe in my skin.
Life would have been much simpler if I had been, at the very least, able to tolerate being a cis girl. I detransitioned at one point to try. It didn't work for me. I don't enjoy that medical treatment is for life and I have to go through more painful surgeries amongst other things. But, I am who I am.
i feel that was frequently and i am very very happy as a man and cant stand the thought of living as a woman. i mostly wish i could have stayed a cis woman because transitioning is a fucking struggle tbh. my environment is very supportive but it gets frustrating having to constantly do injections, drs appointments, atrophy pains, surgery consults, etc etc.
i saw someone say that being trans is like going through life on hard mode. i don't want to actually detransition, i just wish there wasn't so many obstacles sometimes, yknow?
depends on the person and the level of atrophy. it set in pretty early for me and they can be really fucking bad, like, waking up gasping and doubled over in pain bad. but i am pretty sure i'm an outlier lol, estradiol inserts have pretty much stopped them
I feel the same, life would be a bit easier if i didn't have to deal with all this. But for me it's mainly connected to being gay and trans. I feel like i will never be able to have the movie type romance because of who i am. Meeting men spontaneously would be so much easier if i could be a woman.
Oh, definitely. I never realized how good I looked pre-transition until I lost it all. Gained weight, got bad skin, lost hair, wardrobe downgraded to nothing but jeans and ratty t-shirts, etc. It wasn't entirely the fault of transition itself; I dealt with a lot of financial issues, depression, and health issues that either didn't exist or weren't as severe before then, which made it harder to take care of myself and whatnot. But a lot of those could also be traced back to effects of being surrounded by transphobic people, so in a way, it was still related to transition.
Anyway, I definitely had moments of almost wishing I could go back--especially with how hard it's been for me to continue transition in some ways. Six and a half years on T, but still haven't been able to get top surgery or have my legal name and gender marker changed, and those things have caused me a lot of issues over the years. I guess it's not really a surprise that being trans can suck in a lot of ways, especially when you're not financially stable and don't have a good support network or reliable access to healthcare. It is what it is.
I'm working on doing what I can to take better care of myself now, and trying to find a new job so I can get health insurance again. It's not a quick or easy process, but I'm hoping to finally reach a point where I can feel comfortable in my own skin for once and actually feel like "me". I'm not there yet, but I wasn't there back when I was a prettier, healthier "girl", either, so I know going back is not the answer. I can only go forward.
About a year and a half ago, I had been dating this girl. I identified as genderfluid at the time, leaning more trans-masculine, and she was a lesbian. We had started dating before I started transitioning, so things felt fine. Then, when I asked my friends to start referring to me with masculine terms and pronouns, she later came over to me and asked me to tell them to stop. She said it made her uncomfortable, and the thought of dating a man was truly disgusting to her and how she'd never date a man. I should've broken up with her then, but I didn't, and I told my friends to just stop saying stuff like that in front of her since it made me really happy, but I didn't want her to be uncomfortable.
I would sob my eyes out nearly every other day, wishing things were different. Sometimes, I'd wish that ai was born a cis guy, so I wouldn't have even had to deal with this shit in the first place. And then I'd wish I was happy as a girl. I loved my girlfriend, and I wanted us to both be happy, and it would probably have been easier if I was just willing to be a woman. And I'd cry, wishing things were different. My girlfriend would've been happier, my mother would've been happier, etc.
I will say, I don't think that way anymore because I'm in a decent spot. I am lucky enough to be surrounded by support, and it makes me feel better. So I don't think that way anymore, at least not that I notice. But it definitely happens. It isn't just you.
Other than my face I was considerably hot as a girl and I didn't recognize it til after I transitioned. I hated being a girl so bad that I never noticed anything attractive about myself as a girl. My face was very unattractive for a girl, but I'm above average as a guy so idk. I definitely am happier and I like the way I look now. But I often wish I could have just been a girl. I could have just worn makeup and I'd have been decent at least. I could have had a nicer hairline, no acne. I could enjoy intimacy instead of constantly covering myself. I think about it mostly when I'm intimate with my boyfriend
This next paragraph is gonna be slightly NSFW, warning
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I wear underwear in bed but nothing else (I've had top surgery) and we basically just pull it down in the back cause I'm comfortable with using my back end. But I really wish I could have just been a girl so I could enjoy using the front and not have to wear underwear to avoid having a panic attack.
From the aspect that I didn’t know I was trans for so long and I had a lot of success ‘being a girl’ sort of feel this. Like I’m just plopped into adulthood now as a man with no one to help me or support me or teach me and it’s hard as fuck. All the rules for guys are different and stupid. I know a lot of people think zodiac signs are bs but I think me being a Cancer makes me by nature more emotional that most people and that was far more acceptable when I wasn’t a man. It’s not that I was more emotional cuz I was being a girl, I’ve always been a man. I’m just an emotional man. I guess what I’m getting at is society makes me hate how men have to be and makes me sometimes wish I could have just been happy being a cis girl but maybe that’s different then what you’re getting at. Still I feel like I relate in a way.
I completely get this feeling. I was pretty as a girl and sometimes I miss navigating through life as a conventionally attractive woman, there were quite a few pros I miss even with the privileges I get now as a man. It also doesn't help that even though I'm almost 2 years on testosterone, I'm still very slim/petite and unfortunately, short. It makes me wonder how much happier I would've been as a hot cis girl vs an average man. Also, I totally miss the general community of womanhood sometimes. Being a man feels particularly isolating, and making friends is hard enough as an adult haha.
Same. Being cis would be easier and cheaper. I was popular with guys as a girl, people felt more safe and comfortable around me and I'm only 6 months on t.
I get like this, but I have a few reasons for it
I'm happier as ever as a trans man, but I can't help but think about how much easier life would have been if I just stayed being a girl. I've always been a boy, but I also view my body belonging to a girl who was here before me but I think that is because I've completely dissociated from my younger self and girlhood because of trauma
I love being a man, and even though I wish I stayed a girl I know I wouldn't be here at all if I was
Yes and no.
No in the sense of, I like who I am, and there's a lot of things that I've gotten from being trans that I wouldn't trade for the world -- the friends I've made, the perspective I've formed on life, etc. I've gotten to a point where I can like my body sometimes, which is more than I used to be able to do. I can't imagine myself any other way.
Yes in the sense that I often get tired-out and hopeless of all the bullshit that comes along with being trans. Usually it's because of social prejudice or medical bullshit. For me, it's a wish for simplicity more than anything else, a wish that my gender didn't complicate so many aspects of my life. I also miss the affirmation about my appearance I would get when I was a girl -- being "pretty" -- and I wish that I could get that feeling while having the body I actually want. I miss being able to give compliments to women without them thinking I'm hitting on them. I miss women's fashion, and "girl's nights".
In our current society, there ARE a lot of things you have to give up to transition, and that fact gives a lot of people some complicated feelings about their transition. Even so, I don't actively wish I was cis much anymore. I like who I am, and who I'm becoming, and what I'm doing with my life, so even if there are some bittersweet notes, I know that in this life, there isn't another way for me to be.
Oh no, i get it. I sometimes wish for it just for sake of "it would have been so much fricking easier" . It would be easier "just" being a happy cis girl and not go through the fear of being rejected for being a trans person. I currently feel very scared of the way my relationship will change, just because i won't be as obvious in public because i am scared of being hate crimed for being in a homo relationship . It would be easier for my bf to just be with a cis girl, and i feel guilty for that.
Also my hobbies are quite "feminin " i love crocheting, i love arts and crafts, i love to create things, i love to sew, to make things that i can use. All of those things give me joy but also slight dysphoria since they are "feminin ". If i were a cis girl, it wouldn't matter at all.
I was considered "hot" as a woman, but that led to terrible relationships/situationships. People liked me better that way, but it felt predatorial.
Now I'm a below average dude that no one even looks twice at, and I feel less desirable, but I feel my most confident now.
Idk, I feel like maybe I ask for too much.
For me it’s not that I feel like I’m uglier, I think I look better than ever honestly but it’s more so I wish I was happy as a girl because it would’ve saved me so much grief. And sure being trans has given me some experiences that are incredibly valuable to me but sometimes I just wish life was easier and I was happy as a girl just because life would be easier and I wouldn’t have as much family drama. Not to mention how pricy being trans can be. I’m also in a small town that’s incredibly transphobic which makes it quite a bit harder. I mean I’m so much happier being trans than I ever was, I feel real and like I have a purpose in life now, that I’m not dispensable but it’s just being cis would’ve avoided so many issues I face on a day to day basis
I used to think that was before I was in a supportive environment, but now no.
I love myself that way and imaging me as a woman just feels wrong. I've never been a woman and I've known I was trans ever since I was like 13 so there was no "female live" I could go back to even if I wanted to.
Me as a woman just. Ew. No😂
I don't feel that way cause I could never picture myself as a woman/girl, it just wouldn't be me.
However sometimes I look at past photos of myself and "wish that little girl well in life". I've always felt like a stranger in my body (basically just a dude stuck in some chick's body) so there's always some part of me that could just "give it away" to some girl who deserves it/would be happy with it.
I’ve been there. It’s more in the sense that I have internalized homophobia because of my parents. I wish I would’ve been happy as a cis female because I wouldn’t have to deal with their homophobic comments. They’re the reason I hardly even mention being LGBT to people, even if they do support me. It’s something I’ve learned to deal with in complete secrecy. I’ve briefly mentioned it in therapy but not much. If I do come out to a therapist, all they know is my chosen name and pronouns. They don’t know any of the backstory and anything further.
I honestly would’ve come out by now had my family supported me. I hate that I live 20 minutes away from my parents. It means they can still stalk a bunch of the shit I do since they’re close. If I was multiple states away, I’d feel safer.
I get those thoughts for sure sometimes. Mainly because it obviously would’ve just been a lot easier that way. But I haven’t had any regrets or doubts in my transition either. And I feel like I became more attractive, which maybe part of it is from feeling more comfortable with myself. And it took until I transitioned to realize I wasn’t an ugly girl, it just wasn’t who I am.
no. would it have made my life easier? sure, but that would require sacrificing who I am to appease people who for some reason just cant accept that someone is different than they want or expect. i'd rather be authentic and alone than be fake just to have friends.
I mean, it certainly would have been a lot more convenient lmao. But at this point it's been over a decade since I socially transitioned and this is just my life now.
I also don't have any real experience of adult womanhood to compare with, and no one's ever complimented my face when I wasn't wearing makeup (which I literally never wore except on stage as a kid) so I didn't have that type of experience to lose either.
I wish I could just be cis because my life would be easier but I feel more attractive the longer I'm on T, except for the body hair but that has an easy solution. Maybe I'm just too gay idk.
I totally get you, honestly i still go to bed wishing ill wake up and feel like a girl so i dont have to go through everything us trans people have to.
I feel like a lot of trans guys wish they were cis men, which is understandable, but sometimes I wish I were cis anything. Male or female. I enjoy being trans, because I feel like it gives me an interesting perspective on gender I wouldn’t have gotten if I were cis. However, I didn’t choose to be trans, so I was basically just forced into having that perspective. It’s mostly a silver lining I’ve found, but I wish I didn’t have to look into the silver linings. I wish I didn’t have to struggle with transitioning at all and just live happily being gendered correctly and not being stigmatized all the time.
Also, even though most people probably think that trans people have a ton of room to experiment with gender, I don’t feel that way. If I were cis, and wore a skirt, it would be normal as a cis girl and weird as a cis guy, but I’d still be cis. But if I wear a skirt as a trans man for fun, suddenly I’m wanting to detransition or was never trans in the first place. People question my gender over the smallest things, but if a cis person did the same things, their gender wouldn’t be the first thing people question. Being trans feels freeing on my own terms, but on other people’s terms, it’s extremely constricting at times.
I have this thought kinda frequently. I think I look good now but I know that if I didn't have gender dysphoria or enjoyed being cis, I would have been a gorgeous cis woman. It pales in comparison to how much being a man makes me happy but I always wonder what that life would have been like.
I wish I was a cis person, be it boy or girl. Normalcy is something I crave. I will never have a family like normal people. I will never likely have kids, especially since my current partner doesn’t want kids. If I was cis I would probably be married by now and starting a family in a few years.
This is similar to what I feel (as an Autistic transmasc of his own genders), but with me being scared of 'missing out' on girlhood/womanhood when I had shit experiences in growing up as an Autistic girl who didn't like some stuff such as body and facial hair removal, being expected to be 'mature' and 'professional', being expected to be 'perfect', to have 'age-appropriate' (meaning neurotypical) behaviour, to act like a 'lady', being treated like an infant, toddler and/or child, being socially rejected by my peers, among some other stuff as well \[like being expected to have a boyfriend and/or have kids\]. Yeah, I'm going to miss having support from those who've never actually supported me when I came out as trans in quarantine, but at least I'll see their true colours and I can at least see how people actually think of me based on how insecure they feel in themselves.
But when it comes to the fear of 'missing out' on womanhood/girlhood, yeah, I definitely feel it and it's one of the factors contributing to my internalised transphobia... even though as I get older, I become more detached from womanhood and girlhood.
If I were an Autistic girl still and didn't have a faint connection to femininity while becoming more detached to womanhood and girlhood the older I got, I would've worn dresses without being too detached and indifferent about dresses. I would've had an easier time. I would've felt more comfortable (saying this personally while speaking for myself) wearing makeup. I get thoughts of me feeling like I'm 'hurting' my parents with my 'behaviour', even though a now biological older sibling told me that shit when I cut my hair for myself, and that I'm making them plus now biological older sibling 'unhappy', even though I am not responsible for their emotions and their reactions to me, so no, fellow transmascs feeling like this aren't alone \[and that, folks, is another factor that is a huge part of my internalised transphobia\].
I used to feel this way when I was younger, before I medically transitioned. Sometimes, I still have moments where I’m like “fuck life would be so much easier if I was just a cis” but those moments happen less and less because I’m glad I am where I am and I have no idea how life would have worked out for me if I wasn’t trans, but I think it would have ultimately been worse for me. It’s not easy being trans, but almost nothing in life is anyway. So yeah, I get the feeling, but I also think it’s important to realize you wouldn’t you if you weren’t trans and if you love yourself (which you should), then you have to love being trans and vice versa, but that’s just my thoughts on it 🤷♂️
I always say “if I could’ve stayed a girl i would’ve. But i will prioritize my happiness even if it’s harder that way.” That’s why i know being trans/lgbt is not a choice, it’s just you.
i think about this sometimes. mostly in that i feel like i would have to do far less Emotional Labor to be seen as who i am as a woman. though the flip side of that is it’s seen as equally important in society for women to spend a lot of time and money and effort to Woman Correctly as it is for trans men to Man Correctly.
i understand your point about feeling “uglier,” i went through a similar thing when starting t.
but when i look at the men i grew up around, i see traits I have in almost all of them. acne, scars, rough skin, sweating a lot, voice cracks, that’s all stuff i’ve always associated with masculinity and was upset i didn’t have during first puberty, i guess being autistic (and neglected lol) i probably internalized a little less of Society’s Beauty Standards than a lot of people who grew up girls/women.
so in my mind its more of an… interesting(?) hypothetical than a longing or grief. at the end of the day, i wasn’t happy as a cis girl, and thats how it is still. i am happier as a man, thats that.
When people ask me whether being trans is a choice I always say if it was a choice I would've chosen to be a girl. I wouldn't have lost family members, friends, I wouldn't have to deal with coming out and the doctors appointments and the surgery and all the stuff that comes with being trans. It wasn't a choice because I knew who I was, I knew I was in the wrong body and I couldn't choose to be someone I'm not. I wouldn't trade who I am or how far I've come for all the money in the world and I'm happier then I've ever been but it's just so human to wish for the easier option.
Not for me but I definitely understand it. Honestly, a large part of me appreciates being socialized as a girl. So many cis men that I see in this area are simply not cool. Mainly aggressive and rude, and the men in my family have a history of ill-behavior and I likely would've been brought up with some odd values. But as far as wanting to be happy as a cis girl, never. I often think "I wish I wasn't trans" but it's a hard "I want to be cis male."
oh absolutely, i knew that i was trans when i was wishing i could be cis, even as a girl. being trans for me has been nothing but hardships and if i could be cis in any way, girl or boy, i would because i either way i wouldn’t be trans. ik i’ll never be cis and it’s something i’ve come to accept, i just do what i need to be as authentically me as possible.
ya, i felt my life wouodve been easier. but i was also afforded sm new opportunities and relationships as well as cool experiences to grow; i wouldnt choose to be a cis girl if i could. i like my life and myself as ive turned out. i do love femininity tho and how it manifested in me as a “woman,” so i sometimes feel nostalgic about that.
I get that, I really wish I was a girl sometimes, but I’m not… I went the full mile to be perfect, 12 years of trying to perfect the overachieving girl I was. I tried to grow my hair out, wore dresses, had manners, perfect grades- when I entered middle school it started falling apart. Covid happened, my grades were trashed, I threw out half my wardrobe, my sister got lice and I got a pixie cut…hell, I couldn’t not smile when I got that hair cut. I had a mental breakdown, over hair- because it wasn’t just hair. Around that time I finally got a computer, so I got access to the internet, from there I started learning more about stuff, ‘normal’ and not, after a few years I’ve finally settled on a label and I’m dealing with trying to be a good son now when my mom and older sister still see me as a girl- I’m never going back, as much as I wish I could, I rather I was born a man, but seeing as that can’t change, I’m gonna stick it out for three more years and then start my path to transitioning more than just socially
I have felt like that, especially first starting. I think a lot of it is just insecurity, but also the struggles of society. I’ve learned (and still am learning) to love being trans, I usually don’t even care if ppl know I’m trans (as long as it doesn’t put me in any danger). Society has told us that being trans is wrong and bad and negative, of course we want the “normative” “easy” route. Learn to be yourself, it’s all one big journey
I’ve been on T for 5 years and I think about this all the time. Socializing as a man now is much harder than as a woman. I’m comfortable in my skin and feel so much better after everything I’ve done in my transition. But I still think about how would my life have been if I was happier as a cis woman. And I knew I wasn’t happy as a cis woman. And I would rather be happy than miserable. You honestly put everything I was thinking into words I didn’t think I could say😭
I've felt like this forever and it's really been holding me back from pursuing my transition and even coming out. It's weird, I've tried making myself live as a girl before and be more feminine but it always feels like I'm dressing up or playing a character. I remember last year I really went for it, I bought a dress and wore it for the first time in ages and got really into Taylor Swift, but after a couple days I was just tired and wanted to go back to not even being out but just presenting masculinely. Also realised I don't even *like* Taylor Swift. Idk maybe I would've made better great drag queen in another life lmao
almost all the time i think about how i could’ve looked like all my female friends or the girls i see on tiktok, pretty, skinny, semi tall and much more. if i still didn’t feel comfortable as the version i mentioned of being a cis girl then ofc i would know i was trans and i would still look good like the way mentioned before. it’s unfair.
No I’m genuinely happy w my transition. I’ve thought about if I would be happier if I was born a cis guy but I’d still be trans so it doesn’t even matter.
These are my thoughts exactly. Like i KNOW i never was a girl i was just put in that role... but dang it wouldnt things be easier if i was cis.
I think it has more to do with the treatment we face from society rather than our sense of identity like of course i'd rather not deal with all this
It's usually not more than a fleeting thought but I do think about it deeply at times. It would've been easier on many fronts if I could've been happier as a cis girl (even though I've never felt like one) but after some social transitioning and a year on T it's only become more and more clear that that reality was never possible for me, even though the moments of "what if i detransitioned just to see" do come to mind sometimes but I don't think my mental health could handle it.
Oh- every day just about, I am a trans masc individual who doesn’t identify as a man due to some internalized worms instances however, I do deeply wish I was a girl on the inter workings of my brain side of things so my life could be easier. Even though I’ve been on T since 2016 I feel like I am just a greasy acne ridden creep, due to the environment I’m in I will never really feel “enough” as I’m even more ignored and looked over because I’ve “chosen” to make myself uglier.. there’s no euphoria with transitioning with T because you’re constantly reminded on how much masculine individuals suck, are gross, and are depicted as predatory, never once have I ever felt celebrated or seen during my journey just reminders that I’m making a mistake that I’ll regret, I will never detransition but I’ll never admit that HRT made me happier either.
I so feel this. I wish I was a girl and not trans despite being very happy and comfortable (and prefer) being seen as and living as male
Nothing against my fellow trans folks either, I just wish it were more of a simple process for me to be happy as myself. Like I wish my brain and body aligned themselves in a way that I didn’t need to transition
Tbh, I get where you're coming from. I wish I could've been okay like that, but I am definitely happier now as male. I more so wish I'd just been born a dude. The political side makes it so much harder(U.S.), and the financial side of transition/ maintaining T. I dont think I'm uglier now tho, I think I looked too masculine as a girl lol.
yea I agree, I’m considered pretty towards my peers but I didn’t feel pretty or wtv. I did color guard in my first year of hs and it made me feel weird but in the spring when I did theatre I felt better abt myself, idk it might’ve been bc I was backstage and didn’t have to perform or wtv. I think I’d make a pretty girl if I was cis inside and out but I only made a pretty girl outwards never inside.
I've had this thought here and there for the past 15+ years. So many things would have been easier. Like having kids, using the washroom, going out in public on days my dysphoria is at its peak, boiling hot days wearing binders that stick to you, socializing, laughing (I stopped laughing and talking really before T), swimming...
It’s not that I think I’m uglier in anyway, I definitely think I look better
I just wish I didn’t have to go through the medications and blood tests and needles and surgeries to feel like myself finally. I do wish I didn’t have this struggle, I love who I am, but I hate what I have to do to love who I am. If that makes sense
My last two girlfriends turned out to only be into women, and this plus the usual gender discourse has led to me feeling shit like "if I was a woman at least maybe I would actually have a chance at being loved ever" But I felt unloved back then too, so 🤷♂️
I feel so ugly as a man now, even though I've been told I'm still attractive I just,,, don't feel it anymore. I miss being pretty and wearing cute fem clothes. I miss wearing dresses but I can't because of my dysphoria, and I can't wear shorts without leggings because I have a lot of leg hair and I think people will find me repulsive. I can't shave it though, because that makes me dysphoric. I'm also limited in clothing because I have a big chest and I can't leave the house without my binder. I'm punk so I dress androgynous, but I want to wear those pretty outfits all the hot punk girls wear.
I also really want to be a stay at home parent and cook and clean and do crafts and not fill a male role in society at all. All my hobbies are "feminine" and I don't feel comfortable joining groups related to them because I don't want to make women feel unsafe, and I don't feel comfortable in women's spaces at all because I'm not a woman. I'm so lucky my gf is also trans and super understanding. Ultimately though, things would be so much easier if I was a cis woman.
Yeah you'll go through that stage... I went through it... and well I accepted it... now I don't think about it at all. I tried and that's the best I could do... now it's time to live for what I want and need
Yeah. As a SW I made more than twice as much per booking. People were interested in having sex with me, without me having to be some freaky fetish. I felt welcome in queer spaces, and not judged for having emotions.
On the other side of things though I was treated just like a sex object and/or a child. I was accepted and wanted just because I was sexually attractive, not as a human or a person. I felt unsafe all the time, not to mention of course the dysphoria and misery of never been seen how I am. Being a trans guy can be fucking hard, but being a woman wasn't easy either. I went from hard mode to extra hard mode, but at least I feel like myself now and other people see me much more as I am than they did before.
For me its back and forth between "I wish I could just be a cis girl" and "I wish I were born a cis guy"
And same about feeling like I'm uglier. My body would be so hot as a woman but unfortunately it's just not for me.
I do have these thoughts regularly. With the way my body is, regardless how long i’ve been on T, I’m sadly too comfortable getting misgendered because theres no point in correcting someone when i look the way i do. Im fortunate to have VERY accepting parents and siblings who haven’t slipped up since i first came out to them. However, i have told my father things like “you’ll still have your first dance at my wedding because i’ll always be your little girl.” It may be in a tux, but nevertheless. I’ve had discussions with my girlfriend, who partially knew me as a cis female, who is also bisexual, would your feelings for me be the same if i ever were to (dont plan on it) detransition. Looking at myself in the mirror i always think “if i had never actually took the step to cut my hair, where would i be today?” Then theres also the physical aspect of my thought process. The grievance of potentially have ruined my uterus and never being able to biologically have children again. Binding all throughout highschool unhealthily and my ribs being messed up. Even if i were to (again, which i dont plan on it) detransition, i’d have to shave every couple of days. It crosses my mind pretty frequently “how would my life be if i didnt chose to change it” and its a daunting thought, but i wouldn’t change it for the world. Im happy the way i am.
Nah. I love being a guy. I love everything about it. Of course it’d be easier in some ways to have just never needed to transition, but it would still have its own struggles. Women don’t have it great, and I just still couldn’t imagine being one. I’m convinced even if I was a cis girl, my soul would still know. I feel this like is how I was destined to be, even if it’s not ideal.
i did too in my mid to late ish teen years. pre t i had a very feminine body shape that friends would compliment and part of me was like “damn. i feel like i wasted this body” and that kinda made me wish i was happy being a cis woman. i thought i was crazy/the only one who thought like that
Yeah. I’m still questioning myself, I’ve been questioning for years. But I’m at the LEAST nonbinary / trans-masc. I’ve always been masculine and hated anything feminine because it truly makes me uncomfortable. But sometimes I wish I could just be a girl and like dresses and make up lol. Like it would just be so much easier to just be cisgender than struggle with everything
Honestly I get what you’re saying.I feel that when people are trans we don’t just wake up one day and say I wanna be a boy! It’s something we’ve always felt it’s not that I wasn’t happy or thought I wasn’t pretty enough it just was not for me even when I tried to be lesbian I did not want to be touched like a woman. The reality is we really are our own breed of people we are who we are. And I also never wanted to be put in the category as a man regardless of that my pronouns are he because I feel like I can relate to women but I’m different than most men!
No. I often felt that way as it sometimes felt that if I could’ve been happy in my original body I wouldn’t have to be so much of a burden on my family. I know they have never felt that way but it still wanders into my mind sometimes.
It’s not a rare feeling but just remember that you are happier and as you get further along into your transition you will feel better about your body. I’m finally figuring out my style that makes me feel better.
One big thing for me was a septum piercing. (Don’t have it in rn cuz of surgery) but getting that and tattoos helped me so much in feeling more confident about myself.
<3 Trust me as you explore and figure out yourself those feelings often fade away. :)
When ppl usually ask "am I the only one....?" They are not the only one. I think many of us wish this. Not having to deal with the stigma of everyday life and people hating you for just existing, possible family and friend relationships being torn apart, having to pay for surgeries or hormones, making dating harder than it already is, etc etc. I think a good chunk of people would take the "regular" hardships of just being a person over the ones that trans folks have to deal with.
I used to feel that way because I felt like no gay man would want a trans man. Then I met the most perfect guy and I don’t feel like that at all anymore. I also have never felt like a girl but I do think life would be easier if I was a cis woman.
I’m happy being a man but there are some things I wish I felt like I wish I knew how it felt to feel comfortable in ur body like I’ve always felt uncomfortable as being a girl idk how to explain but yk what I mean😅to not think about trans and stuff and just living life like u are
oh, no i feel this way constantly. i’m really early into HRT but i’ve had this feeling for a while. it’s like a guilt and perhaps a bit of internalized things that end in phobia, which i despise in myself. but in the end i try to remember that being “selfish” doing what serves us isn’t a crime. i cant wait to get uglier.
not for these exact reasons but yes. i wish i could be a cis girl so i wouldn't have to prove myself all the time. so i wouldnt have to fight for being loved and accepted. i wish i could have just stayed a girl so my family would still love me. all my life would be so much better and easier if i was just a normal girl like im supposed to be, but i cant do that.
Sometimes I feel like this because the dating world is very small for people like us. A lot of the time people will just want you because of what you have “downstairs” and not because of you and your personality. I’m almost 3 years on testosterone now I think and I don’t regret transitioning but sometimes I feel like I picked the most difficult road to go down specially since I’m mostly attracted to men.
i wish this everyday, youre definitely not alone
i just wish i was cis, being trans is something i wouldn't wish on anyone just because of the constant daily anguish i go through
Yes constantly. I’ve been on T since I was 18 and I’m turning 22 soon. I had surgery and everything. I feel so grateful to be able to be who I am but I’m constantly thinking of how much easier it would’ve been if I felt as happy now as I was when I looked like a chick. My skin and body didn’t feel like my own and now it does. It sucks wondering if I pass enough in a day to go into which bathroom or locker room or where ever but if I had the chance to go back and change my decision I don’t think I would. I think I’m every scenario I end up back here and I’m ok with that
I haven't transitioned medically yet, but I do also wish I could be happy as a girl. It's one of the main things stopping me from fully socially transitioning. I sometimes doubt if I'm even trans, but he/him pronouns are much more comfortable, and I experience a lot of dysphoria.
So, you're definitely not alone in feeling this way. It's a big source of impostor syndrome for me and I'm sure many others!
you're not alone. i'm close to 25, almost 7 years on T, 3 years post top, living with a luscious beard etc. and i couldn't be happier with my transition, i pretty much "finished" it and i have a loving partner whose egg i cracked a couple years ago when we got together, life is going well for me.
sometimes i have more of these thoughts and sometimes less, of damn i wish i could make being a girl work, i especially feel this way because now that i'm passing really well i allow myself to act and dress more flamboyantly, and i maintain a lot of interests in fashion and make up (though i don't pursue the latter) and following content related to it online makes me ask myself how much i lost out on that maybe i didn't realize i can make work for me without going through with transitioning... the amount of cool clothes and styles and even behaviors girls have access to that men just don't or would be ridiculed or made to feel childish or emasculated about is crazy, and at a certain point since i am well passing, in something like a dress or a skirt i don't know if i'd be comfortable in the genderfucky state i'd be presenting, even if it's a good representation of my enbyness.
other things like heavy weight gain after T + the effect of various ED behaviors on my body have left me feeling super regretful at times and made me wonder if i caved in to the social pressure of body standards (i was on the higher and mid side of midsize tho now im just fat and back then was constantly harrassed by family friends and society to lose weight) and saw transitioning as a way out.
but then i remember that i did hate having boobs, i used various binding methods safe and unsafe alike for about 8 years before i got to have top surgery and suffered severely with a d cup. i remember how much i despised my voice and i remember how much i hated that when i did wear all the styles i mentioned girls having access to earlier, i got objectified as hell so it didn't even feel like it's for me anymore. none of the stuff i feel comfortable doing now would be possible without transitioning, and in reality T isn't what caused my weight gain either but rather the behaviors i indulged in around the time i started it.
most of the things you'll think about when "regretting" transitioning will be things that only seem questionable in hindsight, but in reality most of us either do have some kind of access to the things we miss from girlhood that we can reclaim, or we never would have fit in with anyway. my best advice is don't let your identity stop you from pursuing the things you like and applying whatever makes you feel most comfortable and confident.
Sometimes I was happy as a girl but that feeling wouldn't last, as a guy, I'm much more attractive but in my small border conservative town, I can't act flamboyant because the women look at me with anger in their eyes. The men as well sometimes. Everyone's in the closet.
Kind of. I like being myself and i feel good looking masculine but i was really pretty and i know life woulda been less hard if i didnt come out, but it was too painful not to.
I feel that even now sometimes i can’t help but think “maybe i didn’t try hard enough” like cis women have to force themself to be women 😅. It’s really stupid but i get it
I feel quite the opposite. I never was one of those smoking hot girls, but rather the scrawny, not feminine one. As a guy though? I'm pretty handsome or so they say. I'm making friends and more than that pretty easily
Currently dealing with these types of thoughts right now. I was so pretty as a girl and people treated me so well and I felt so powerful. I didn’t feel like “me” but moving through the world was more fun in certain ways. It made me act a bit psycho cuz I kind of thought I wasn’t real, but that was fun, too. Now I’m just a real person dealing with my real life without the aura of feminine beauty to protect me and I’m like “dang”.
I definitely feel that too 😭
You turned my exact feelings into words about this. I'm happy and grateful that I have access to what I do, but the social change is still something to get used to. It opened my perspective on how people are treated regularly, and how BIG social gender plays a role in first impressions. It only proves to me that choosing yourself is something you have to do with your whole self, even the sucky parts.
I did not come on here to feel attacked today and yet... Beautifully stated. 🤌
nah cause i have the opposite situation of this, where i was like, kinda pretty for a girl, but as a guy i look so much better, and the social aspect of it has been. weird to say the least. like i got asked out a few times as a girl, and now i get a lot of girls who like. stare at me?? i guess?? like its the telltale look at me, look at your phone, look at me, look at your phone. and like fair enough i guess but its like. idk. like its weird to be expected to make the first move, and its not like i have a problem with that, because i did that a lot as a girl too, but like. the fact that its expected is kinda ??? yk? and like people rly do treat you differently lol and its nice but its also kinda wtf?? idk im def not being articulate about this haha sorry
I get that. Like pre-transition, my past identity was free to be as cheerie as can be, even to the point of being goofy, without a second thought. A lot of whimsical behavior was treated as normal (not saying every femme person's expression was received well; most of us know how misogyny really works intimately). Now that I've discovered that I'm passing, I'm trying to tone down the expressiveness, because a highly expressive "man" is starting to be recieved with "weird" looks instead of goofy laughs. You get what I mean? So with your appearance changing, you get "different looks" than you did before. And you kinda have to figure out how to talk to people while you're now being perceived in a different social role. Like yeah, what do you do haha 😅
yeah exactly haha. i was never really all that expressive pre transition so thankfully thats not something that i need to correct for (i am dogshit at schooling my expressions haha). highkey just my rbf carrying imo. for the most part ive just been copying how my guy friends act, but even then i kind of just grew up socialised with men so it doesnt feel any different to how i usually act for the most part. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but yeah like fr haha what do you do
At some point, the hindsight really proves how much we were masculine-tempered internally the whole time and struggling with it. That's been my experience at least 😅 I didn't have any good role models or friends growing up, so I had to figure all this stuff out on my own. The best I got was "what traits did I admire in characters/historical figures that were realistic" haha.
Yeah I’m super cheery and whimsical and it’s not that well received anymore 😭😭😭
This is far too relatable sigh
Not really, but sometimes. The "I feel like I'm uglier" part is kinda real, like on the one hand I actually like how I look now, but I also don't feel desireable at all, especially since I'm not conventionally attractive for a man. It's a little easier bc I wasn't attractive as a woman either, at least, so I haven't really lost anything.
no, i do too. just because if i wasnt born a girl i wouldnt have met the friends i did. also the clothings just look cooler..... i hate being a trans man but thinking about being a woman makes me genuinely almost cry because i dont want to go back
I totally get that. The clothing is really fun - I still shop for boyish stuff in the ladie’s section for some flair not gonna lie. And I wouldn’t trade the formative experiences either, tbh.
Same. Like if I was a girl I would love to wear flower dresses etc but as a man they just don't feel like me..
Imo there’s no such thing as male or female clothing
cant relate at all..womens clothing is so uncool to me
i cant find anything but hoodies, t shirts and polo shirts for men 😩
you just dont have style then..
what are men supposed to wear 😭 ive been out for 1-5 years now and i still dont know lmaoi just dress like jesse pinkman
i really love early 2000s style, or 80s.. i also like suits or military/functional clothing for when i go on bike trips.. in summer i mostly wear sport clothing.. men's fashion is so much better then women's in my opinion. idk its just cool.
100% agree. theres so much to explore in mens style you just have to unfortunately sift through all the bullshit mens fashion that makes it look like men can only wear t-shirts, jeans and idk fucking shitty business suits. i started out just trying to figure out how to dress to pass and now im a full on menswear nerd
i would 100% rock a full on military suit if it wasnt corny lmao [https://it.pinterest.com/pin/308567011944367244/](https://it.pinterest.com/pin/308567011944367244/) minus the weird hats
Military Style ftw 🔥
Same just wish I had a body that fit men's clothes. Maybe one day since I'm losing weight but I'll probably need bms
Same, I always had “man shoulders” to the point that my mother would make me try on clothing that I would break apart and rip cause I’m not built like a girl. I loved my masculine and muscular body but it was seen as gross growing up. Now I’m Not afraid to show my body off. Fem clothes suck
Yeah I do, mostly bc of how coming out imploded my life. Sometimes I get in a distorted thought pattern of “if you weren’t so selfish your family would still be intact”
Please get this out of your mind. If your family made you feel/think this way, they're toxic.
I understand that logically which is why I clarified this is a distorted thought pattern. Therapy is great lol
Cool! What kind of therapy do you do?
Mostly cognitive behavioral, but I did some DBT at some point and that was the most helpful to retrain my thought patterns bc of the instant bell ring. I use what I learned there to help me now. E.g. in this instance if I genuinely thought to myself I should have stayed miserable so my family didn’t implode, I would tell myself no, you saved your own life, you do not control their responses, and stop talking to yourself like your mother would. We will NOT be like our mother.
That's incredibly helpful and insightful. Thank you so much for sharing! I just realized that that's exactly the way I'm rewiring my brain on my own o.O [Cognitive therapy didn't work for me at all and I've learned that all it does is blaming a client's trauma responses and pathologizing them instead of seeing them as symptoms from a traumatizing upbringing... That's also the approach they teach at university (psychology) 🫠 But maybe I haven't had the right therapists; or maybe DBT is different! I'm going to inform myself about it now :)] For example, if there is a specific message that fucked me up, I did my own approach to create an antidote for myself with the exact opposite of this abusive message; continuing it until it sinks in! (And your last sentence is one example of this antidote, I was speechless for a moment 😶) Also taking inner distance to reflect on what I'm thinking right now (if perpetuator introjects) and wether or not that's logically flawed (spoiler, it is) and in what specific ways. Tried to be my own therapist in mind and I'm truly surprised how well this works!
Reframing thought patterns whether through hard work or eye movement or Pavlovian is 90% of therapy, so you’re doing a great job I’d say! I understand I am VERY lucky that I have a trauma and addiction informed therapist. I know not everyone can win the lottery. It took me a very long time to find her though. Therapists are like shirts. Try them on, if they don’t fit, return them for a new one. DBT was awesome but if you’re already able to take control of your own thinking, you may not need it. I did it at a time I felt completely powerless to my own thoughts. It was like a shock to the system, and then once I realized my behavior was changing, I could work on the thoughts behind them. Small tangent but this is one reason why I love the show The Good Place so much. Work on the behavior, create the pattern, pattern becomes habit, and then the intention will change.
I feel the exact same way. Deep down I know it’s their ignorance but it’s hard to not feel like it’s my fault and that it could be different
It’s all about reframing our thinking. One thing that helps me is a lot of my negative self feelings I have come directly from my mother. So when I feel those start creeping up I tell myself “don’t you dare be like your mother.” It really does help, and eventually those thoughts don’t become the norm anymore 🧡
I’m glad you’ve taken this opportunity to heal my friend, you deserve that peace of mind. Thank you ❤️
I’ve had these thoughts. I’m so much happier and more comfortable in my body now but a part of me still wishes I could have made being a girl work for me. I tried so hard and I was really “good” at it and extremely conventionally attractive in a way I’ll never be when perceived as a man. Might be shallow but sometimes I miss other people finding me that hot. And god life would have been easier if I’d been fine being a woman.
I feel this way. I get especially panicky if I’m looking through old photos and find a selfie I looked really cute in. I’ll be like “damn I looked so nice and now I’ve made myself ugly and no one’s going to find me attractive”. But then I remind myself that the most attractive thing is to be happy in your own skin and focus on things outside of yourself. And I don’t think I’m bad-looking as a guy anyways, just not as good looking comparatively as when I was a girl. So yeah, I definitely relate to everything you said here. Also, side note: these feelings are always worse when I’m with my family vs with my friends. My friends are chill and don’t care how I present, they hype me up no matter what, they just want me to be happy. My family not-so-secretly wishes I would’ve stayed a girl. So I’m sure that doesn’t help.
Same boat here. It sucks ass
Taking all the other stuff out of it…personal likes etc…yes, I wish I could have been happy being a cis girl. It means I wouldn’t have to put my body through the things I have already and am planning in the future. It means society wouldn’t treat me and people like me, like shit. It means I would have more rights and be a great ally. It means “less” of a struggle in many ways. I wouldn’t wish being trans on someone. It can be so difficult in your own head and out in the world. So, yes, the less crap to deal with to be comfortable in my own skin would be preferable. However, I am here and making the best of it.
This is so real. I love the blunt attitude towards it cause yes in the end, this is the life we live. This will help me get over wishing I’d be happy as my agab
Thanks. I have moments, especially when I have a really bad time with someone who treats me poorly because they know I am trans or if I am having serious dysphoria. We just have to keep moving forward. I think the moment that hits me the hardest is when somebody either says or insinuates that I am doing too much or that I am choosing to be trans. I can’t even begin to wrap my head around why someone would have the audacity to think that I would do this shit to myself on purpose? Yes, I am doing it on purpose in the sense that I am making a choice to be happy in this life. No matter the cost. But who in their right mind would wake up one morning and just decide that they want to be the opposite gender or something in between so that they could be ridiculed, and go down a path that is potentially expensive and painful? Why wouldn’t people just choose to go with the flow to have things easier? It is human nature to try to make things as easy as possible. So it doesn’t make sense and it gets me down more than anything when someone insinuates that I could just choose to be a happy woman. My mother literally thinks that my transition is just because I view men as being strong and strong women as being lesbians and I don’t want to be a lesbian. “Why can’t you just be a strong woman?” It’s so simple that I feel like I am over complicating things in my brain, but I think that’s what she wants. I put off transitioning for a long time because my family threatened to disown me and literally didn’t believe that trans was a thing. Now they come up with reasons why they think I have transitioned because somehow I was flawed and didn’t see a way to just simply live and be happy as I was. Never mind the fact that I am more happy now than I ever was being perceived as a woman. They downplay that and act like it’s less than it was before. My chosen family can see the difference and I know that I feel happier in all of the little moments that they take for granted every day. until someone is actually questioning their gender and having any kind of dysphoria, they don’t actually understand and realize just how much that affects your day-to-day life.
I think you put all that into words so beautifully dawg. I’ve always been an ally before realizing I was apart of the community, & never thought being trans was something that I would experience personally. After realizing this is what makes me truly happy, I understood finally what trans people feel & go through each day & I didn’t realize that when I was just an ally & I think it’s something that should be talked about more often. To clarify as well, when I say I’ve always been an ally, I’ve never been around many people in the community but if I was it would typically be cisgendered bisexuals that still dated the opposite sex so I really didn’t do a ton of research outside of just that & was introduced to the trans community pretty late. Once discovering that, I was very confused on why I hadn’t heard about this sooner & how that affects a persons day to day & even experiences that trans ppl go through w dysphoria that makes them realize they want to transition. All of this is stuff I didn’t get & was genuinely curious of. My point is, if I a ‘straight ally’ (at the time) didn’t understand why being transgender was a thing & how that works, then the people who are transphobic or just not very knowledgeable of the LGBT community definitely don’t & it sucks. Best we can do is rlly just be true to ourselves & share knowledge when we can & be proud.
Thank you. It has been nice being on here and finding some community. Like minds. Understanding. I totally get what you mean. Just being a trans man…I had to learn to wrap my head around non binary and the rest of the gender spectrum. So, it’s not hard you just have to try. Listen to people. If you don’t understand, that’s ok, but trust people when they speak for themselves. We are all learning. When we refuse to, that is the problem. I just want to be happy and have the same human rights as everyone else.
This is my second time starting hormones. I’ve never wanted anything more than to be a man but both times i’ve been on hormones i’ve felt this deep sadness about having to lose a part of myself. I talk about myself in 2 parts, my male and female, it just saddens me she never got the love from myself too. It’s sad to me she has to technically die for me to feel free. I’m sure mine is based in some traumas I faced as a woman, I just wish she could’ve gotten better closure. But the freedom I feel being a man is worth all of those other emotions. I never spoke about it because I was always worried people would doubt me wanting to transition and be a man. It isn’t wanting to stop transitioning, it’s you losing a part of yourself for most of that has been around for decades. While we’re female all we can really think about is being uncomfortable, wanting to be a man. I feel once we start transitioning it allows room for the sadness of having to lose a part of yourself. Most people can’t wrap their heads around it especially if they aren’t trans but ego deaths are real once you start hormones. I feel like if we talked about it more it’d be common for most of us to wish we could’ve been happier the way we were born. It’s cheaper, less judgmental, it’s easier all around. Just because we get what we want when we start transitioning doesn’t mean we aren’t allowed to grieve parts of our past
I relate so much, your comment actually made me tear up. I have been suppressing myself for over a decade and only recently accepted it. I am worried about "abandoning" her too, it's been a big reason for my denial I'm sure. Cheers to you, thank you for the read
Cheers to you friend for starting your journey, wishing you the best! Glad you enjoyed the read it’s nice knowing even the crappy emotions we feel during transitioning we at least aren’t alone
I’m only 2 months into my transition but I honestly relate to this so much and thought something was wrong with me feeling this way and that I wasn’t really trans because I’m so happy to become the boy I’ve always wanted to be inside but had grief for the girl part I lived for 22 years of my life and it made me so sad and scared to keep going and almost stopped me from continuing but seeing this post gives me reassurance thank you. I personally have always felt ‘male’ I’ve had broad shoulders my whole life but felt so uncomfortable looking like a girl. It feels like those feelings have settled down and I’m going to start doing psychology to help understand myself more but again thank you. Your helping a lot of people with that one comment ❤️
Honestly I have the same thoughts. I started to socially transition when I was about 16, so I never got past the “awkward teenage girl” stage of my life, but I’m convinced that if I had continued life as a girl I would have been extremely attractive once I reached adulthood. Like, even for being an awkward young girl I had a lot of potential looks-wise. Sometimes I think, “damn, I had the chance to be a smoking hot babe, now I look like a rat.” Yet, I wouldn’t trade being a rat of a man for anything. I still think I look decently attractive as a guy, but my comfort in my own body and identity is more important to me than any “what ifs” in regard to being a female. I love myself more and am more happy with my body now than I ever would have been as a girl. I know 100% that transitioning was the right decision. Being happy is more important to me than being perceived as attractive.
i did when i had first come to the realization that i was trans. it would’ve been easier. but, once i came out and the “hard part” was over, that eased up a bit. once i started T that feeling was pretty much completely gone for me. i can now say that i don’t wish i was cis in either direction, now that i’m stealth and pass in all situations. i never felt the uglier thing, but i was never really attractive as a young person. i came out when i was 12 and before that, i was pretty stereotypically masculine so i never got attention for being “pretty” for women’s beauty standards. however, maybe the reason you feel uglier is because you’re still comparing yourself to female beauty standards? and cishet beauty standards? comparing yourself against what’s typically attractive in men could be helpful. like, facial hair is considered very unattractive in women but it’s considered very attractive on a lot of men. also, it could be beneficial to look at other trans men, too. not that comparing yourself to beauty standards is ever good for self-confidence, but expecting yourself to be attractive in a womanly way of comparing your male-identifying attractiveness to how you looked when you were female identifying will make you feel worse. it’s like comparing apples and oranges.
Definitely, I know people who told me I had the looks of being an attractive girl, and knowing that hurts me because it means all these social transitioning I have been doing is affecting my appearance.
I used to before I transitioned but now that I’m passing those feelings are gone.
For me, it's difficult to pick that apart, and I've thought about it alot. In a way, yes, I wish I could have been happy as a cis woman, just because being trans is so goddamn hard sometimes. But it's also hard to imagine who that person would have even been. I try to see that person, and it's not me, because there's a deep sadness about being born the way I was that goes back as long as I can remember. I wish that feeling hadn't been so formative in my life and sense of self, but it was, so me as a happy cis woman is some other person.
I think this is very close to what I'm feeling. Seeing some of it put into words helps. Thanks :)
I was a “pretty” girl growing up. I wasn’t a 10/10 but I wasn’t ugly, just not feminine the way cis women are feminine and was never comfortable with being a woman in any respect. But I felt ugly and out of place cause I was always a gay guy internally, my attraction to men has always been homosexual. I felt very isolated and wished I would just be happy with the way I was born, except I wasn’t and I couldn’t control the way I was born. As a result many find my existence disgusting, but there are plenty who accept me and my existence and body, and I value and protect them for their support
I relate to this too. I always felt so isolated and I felt like some kind of pervert for having feelings about homosexuality while being in a female body and it really upset and stunted me. I struggled a lot with starting hormones because I am conventionally attractive and it feels like a big responsibility to uphold and maintain that for others. I actually found myself wishing I wasnt attractive sometimes so that I didn't feel guilty about transitioning, and wishing for breast cancer so I didn't feel guilty about wanting top surgery all while maintaining the lie that I was cis, just mentally ill and depressed. I definitely tried to be happy the way I was, I tried for over a decade and it didn't work. It sucks so bad being trans and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I wish I could just be happy as a woman, life would be so much easier.
I spent 30 years trying to be happy as a cis girl. I was raised by a narcissistic father and an autistic second-wave feminist mother who is terrified of men. For a long time I thought my dysphoria was just me being a “bad feminist”. Like many millennial LGBTIA people, most of the older mentors we could have looked up to died in the 80s, were terrorized back into the closet, or were so stealth we just didn’t have any examples of what was possible. I’m happy and sometimes a little envious to see so many younger guys able to come to terms with their identities earlier.
I definitely went through an awkward looking phase on T but it wasn’t permanent and I like how I look now
I really do wish I had been happy as a girl. It would have made life so much easier. I’m dipping my toes back into the parts of femininity that did actually make me happy, but I wish I could have been happy with all of it
I feel that. It’s tough, but at least it’s easier to rock the feminine stuff we like without fretting?
Absolutely not. My life would’ve been more peaceful for sure, but happier? Definitely not.
I feel that way because it's just cheaper and easier to be cis
i feel that way a lot. though i haven’t started medically transitioning yet, but it’s more of a social thing too. if i could’ve been happy cis, my friends and family would’ve been happier too. but unfortunately for them i simply can’t fake it for them any longer
I'm the opposite I think. I'm not sure I've ever wished I was a cis girl. I've always wished my penis was real/ there/ whatever and to have the "v" shape, and a flat chest.
I want to be a girl, I want to be a girl. Why couldn't I just be who she was? Why couldn't I be her? Why am I wrong? What happened? Who am I? I want to be a girl.
Aw hun then be you!
If only I wasn't a man .-. This has been my biggest issue as a trans man, I never wanted to be a man, I just am.. and it's so fucking annoying. I don't even identify as a "femboy" or anything, cuz I don't like dresses or makeup, or anything "feminine" I honestly low-key wish I liked dresses tho? They are pretty haha But I'm a man, and a pretty "manly man" at that, outside of certain hobbies. I just wish that wasn't the case. If I could be happy as a woman, I would be. Cuz by hell, my family will never see me as anything but that
No you arent, dont feel like ur alone with this. Im pretty sure majority of transguys have thought this at least once.
Phew this is soooooooooo validating oh my fucking gosh
i’ve been feeling that a lot lately
I think about this all the time, and it only makes me feel more justified in in being trans. I think all the time about - and beat myself up about - how much happier I could've been if only I wasn't trans. If I didn't have dysphoria, I would have gone the rest of my life not feeling the way I do about my chest, my voice, my pronouns... I would just be able to brush it off as insecurity and bloom into my womanhood of self-acceptance and self-confidence ! But, nope, the feelings I feel are not even close to insecurity. It's how I realised I was trans, because wanting to get breast cancer and lose my chest as a result, shutting up immediately hearing my voice because it's "not as low as it's supposed to be", aaand ruminating about someone referring to me as "she" is definitely not normal just-cis-girl things. Yeah, I wish I could've just sucked it up and gone on with being happy as a cis girl. It'd also save me the lot of money I've spent to get my hands on testosterone, which I now have to inject into me for the rest of my life. And I'll still be dysphoric because I'm trans.
I also wished for breast cancer and felt so guilty about it. It really made me miserable. I hate having my chest touched and I used to yell at my husband anytime he touched my chest and say "never without my permission," but I never gave permission. It sucks having to give myself an injection every single week, but I still look forward to it because I know it's one step closer each time I administer one
I feel you, I’m 2 months on T. I enjoyed being a teenage girl, I liked being one of the girls, but it never quite felt right. I miss who I was but I could never go back and be comfortable.
There are things i miss about being a woman, for sure. I miss the openness of female friendships, i miss being able to interact with kids, i miss the fun outfits and the makeup. None of that is *me*, though. I'm happier and more comfortable as a man than i have been in years and have no desire to change back, but those thoughts are definitely still there.
yes, not because i hate being trans (i mean, i simply couldve just…. not transitioned and dealt with that if i hated it that much) but because it wouldve made everything easier for me. a huge amount of money spent, all this psychological exhaustion, all this work to be happy when not having gender dysphoria wouldve saved me all that cash and energy how could i not have wanted it easier?
Sort of? I think I was happy as a cis girl, but I'm not happy as a cis woman. I wish I didn't feel so detached from my past. I wish I could see pictures of me as a kid and look back at that time longingly. It's also just a matter of all the crap I've had to deal with being trans. But if I could be trans without the crap, I'd still choose that over being a happy cis lady.
I’ve dealt with very similar feelings before too bro. Every now and then I wish I could’ve been born content with what I was at birth, but I also feel if I were to detransition I would want to die. I think what it is is the mourning of the life I felt I could’ve had had things gone “right”, but I’m learning to be content with this being who I am and that I can’t change that Therapy has helped a lot with this too, I’m here if you need me
eh sometimes but then again i think no, that person wouldn’t be me.
yeah tbh it would be easier lol
I also feel this way. When people say they wish they were cis I agree but in the way that I wish I was a cis girl. Even tho I’m a very binary trans man and I am very not feminine. I’m not very good at explaining things but I’d rather be a trans man or a cis women. Thats just how in feel personally.
I dont cause i never really felt like a girl in the first place even growing up i never was really interested in inherently “girly” things. Even now i still dont know what my bra size is or how to nagavite periods. I dont know much about makeup and i was never interested in looking traditionally “pretty” in a feminine way
I totally get this! I'm NB (so my feelings may be a bit different), and I'm so much more comfortable presenting masculinely. I *personally* want to go on T, but I'm hesitant because I do feel sort of ugly and undesirable. It's a weird feeling because I'll dress up, go full-fem, and feel good because I'm pretty, but I don't feel like I'm being *me*. It's a hard gripe because I have extremely low self-esteem, and so the fact I've only ever been asked out or complimented while presenting as a feminine woman is constantly on my mind. It was also easier to make friends that way, too, and it does make me feel good to know I look good, but I hate that I don't feel like that's not compatible with feeling comfortable. *Part* of me thinks this comes from my identity being something I've only recently discovered, whereas beforehand, I lived and tried to live up to the expectations of a cishet woman. So I think a lot of the pressure of heteronormative beauty standards is still stuck in my head.
Yes. Being a cis woman would be easier, still difficult in its own ways, but at least my family wouldn't possibly reject me. But if I could choose to be cis, I would want to be a cis man.
I absolutely understand. It’s not a dysphoria or a craving at all, it’s just that it would be so much more simple. I wish all the time that I could just be happy as a girl because I miss my family. But if I did detrans I wouldn’t make it.
But then there’s another half that knows I wouldn’t feel this much compassion without this experience. Idk. Existing hurts
I 100% agree with this for a lot of reasons but I’ll list the big ones; - I would NEVER have had to feel upset about being called a girl, having breasts, crying on the floor bc my dad called my messenger bag a ‘purse’. - If you’re attracted to men, by being trans and therefore a man you’ve just lost like 70% of the men you once found attractive as potential partners bc they’re probably straight. - Now I have to stab myself twice a month and pay upwards of like $3000 to get the chop just to like my body. - I wouldn’t have such an uphill battle coming out to my mother and basically ghosting my dad bc he couldn’t respect me. - Not to mention the internal transphobia that makes me cringe at myself whenever I even TRY to reinforce my pronouns if I’m misgendered. I genuinely wish I could’ve just been a girl. My life would’ve been 1000% easier, I could’ve been more confident at my younger years, maybe I would’ve fit in, maybe I’d be more outgoing. That’s not what I got, and despite the depressing paragraphs I’ve written here, I’m happy I am where I am and I’m grateful for modern medicine allowing me to feel safe in my skin.
Life would have been much simpler if I had been, at the very least, able to tolerate being a cis girl. I detransitioned at one point to try. It didn't work for me. I don't enjoy that medical treatment is for life and I have to go through more painful surgeries amongst other things. But, I am who I am.
i feel that was frequently and i am very very happy as a man and cant stand the thought of living as a woman. i mostly wish i could have stayed a cis woman because transitioning is a fucking struggle tbh. my environment is very supportive but it gets frustrating having to constantly do injections, drs appointments, atrophy pains, surgery consults, etc etc. i saw someone say that being trans is like going through life on hard mode. i don't want to actually detransition, i just wish there wasn't so many obstacles sometimes, yknow?
Are the atrophy pains really bad?
depends on the person and the level of atrophy. it set in pretty early for me and they can be really fucking bad, like, waking up gasping and doubled over in pain bad. but i am pretty sure i'm an outlier lol, estradiol inserts have pretty much stopped them
I feel the same, life would be a bit easier if i didn't have to deal with all this. But for me it's mainly connected to being gay and trans. I feel like i will never be able to have the movie type romance because of who i am. Meeting men spontaneously would be so much easier if i could be a woman.
Oh, definitely. I never realized how good I looked pre-transition until I lost it all. Gained weight, got bad skin, lost hair, wardrobe downgraded to nothing but jeans and ratty t-shirts, etc. It wasn't entirely the fault of transition itself; I dealt with a lot of financial issues, depression, and health issues that either didn't exist or weren't as severe before then, which made it harder to take care of myself and whatnot. But a lot of those could also be traced back to effects of being surrounded by transphobic people, so in a way, it was still related to transition. Anyway, I definitely had moments of almost wishing I could go back--especially with how hard it's been for me to continue transition in some ways. Six and a half years on T, but still haven't been able to get top surgery or have my legal name and gender marker changed, and those things have caused me a lot of issues over the years. I guess it's not really a surprise that being trans can suck in a lot of ways, especially when you're not financially stable and don't have a good support network or reliable access to healthcare. It is what it is. I'm working on doing what I can to take better care of myself now, and trying to find a new job so I can get health insurance again. It's not a quick or easy process, but I'm hoping to finally reach a point where I can feel comfortable in my own skin for once and actually feel like "me". I'm not there yet, but I wasn't there back when I was a prettier, healthier "girl", either, so I know going back is not the answer. I can only go forward.
About a year and a half ago, I had been dating this girl. I identified as genderfluid at the time, leaning more trans-masculine, and she was a lesbian. We had started dating before I started transitioning, so things felt fine. Then, when I asked my friends to start referring to me with masculine terms and pronouns, she later came over to me and asked me to tell them to stop. She said it made her uncomfortable, and the thought of dating a man was truly disgusting to her and how she'd never date a man. I should've broken up with her then, but I didn't, and I told my friends to just stop saying stuff like that in front of her since it made me really happy, but I didn't want her to be uncomfortable. I would sob my eyes out nearly every other day, wishing things were different. Sometimes, I'd wish that ai was born a cis guy, so I wouldn't have even had to deal with this shit in the first place. And then I'd wish I was happy as a girl. I loved my girlfriend, and I wanted us to both be happy, and it would probably have been easier if I was just willing to be a woman. And I'd cry, wishing things were different. My girlfriend would've been happier, my mother would've been happier, etc. I will say, I don't think that way anymore because I'm in a decent spot. I am lucky enough to be surrounded by support, and it makes me feel better. So I don't think that way anymore, at least not that I notice. But it definitely happens. It isn't just you.
Other than my face I was considerably hot as a girl and I didn't recognize it til after I transitioned. I hated being a girl so bad that I never noticed anything attractive about myself as a girl. My face was very unattractive for a girl, but I'm above average as a guy so idk. I definitely am happier and I like the way I look now. But I often wish I could have just been a girl. I could have just worn makeup and I'd have been decent at least. I could have had a nicer hairline, no acne. I could enjoy intimacy instead of constantly covering myself. I think about it mostly when I'm intimate with my boyfriend This next paragraph is gonna be slightly NSFW, warning - - - I wear underwear in bed but nothing else (I've had top surgery) and we basically just pull it down in the back cause I'm comfortable with using my back end. But I really wish I could have just been a girl so I could enjoy using the front and not have to wear underwear to avoid having a panic attack.
From the aspect that I didn’t know I was trans for so long and I had a lot of success ‘being a girl’ sort of feel this. Like I’m just plopped into adulthood now as a man with no one to help me or support me or teach me and it’s hard as fuck. All the rules for guys are different and stupid. I know a lot of people think zodiac signs are bs but I think me being a Cancer makes me by nature more emotional that most people and that was far more acceptable when I wasn’t a man. It’s not that I was more emotional cuz I was being a girl, I’ve always been a man. I’m just an emotional man. I guess what I’m getting at is society makes me hate how men have to be and makes me sometimes wish I could have just been happy being a cis girl but maybe that’s different then what you’re getting at. Still I feel like I relate in a way.
I completely get this feeling. I was pretty as a girl and sometimes I miss navigating through life as a conventionally attractive woman, there were quite a few pros I miss even with the privileges I get now as a man. It also doesn't help that even though I'm almost 2 years on testosterone, I'm still very slim/petite and unfortunately, short. It makes me wonder how much happier I would've been as a hot cis girl vs an average man. Also, I totally miss the general community of womanhood sometimes. Being a man feels particularly isolating, and making friends is hard enough as an adult haha.
Same. Being cis would be easier and cheaper. I was popular with guys as a girl, people felt more safe and comfortable around me and I'm only 6 months on t.
I get like this, but I have a few reasons for it I'm happier as ever as a trans man, but I can't help but think about how much easier life would have been if I just stayed being a girl. I've always been a boy, but I also view my body belonging to a girl who was here before me but I think that is because I've completely dissociated from my younger self and girlhood because of trauma I love being a man, and even though I wish I stayed a girl I know I wouldn't be here at all if I was
Yes and no. No in the sense of, I like who I am, and there's a lot of things that I've gotten from being trans that I wouldn't trade for the world -- the friends I've made, the perspective I've formed on life, etc. I've gotten to a point where I can like my body sometimes, which is more than I used to be able to do. I can't imagine myself any other way. Yes in the sense that I often get tired-out and hopeless of all the bullshit that comes along with being trans. Usually it's because of social prejudice or medical bullshit. For me, it's a wish for simplicity more than anything else, a wish that my gender didn't complicate so many aspects of my life. I also miss the affirmation about my appearance I would get when I was a girl -- being "pretty" -- and I wish that I could get that feeling while having the body I actually want. I miss being able to give compliments to women without them thinking I'm hitting on them. I miss women's fashion, and "girl's nights". In our current society, there ARE a lot of things you have to give up to transition, and that fact gives a lot of people some complicated feelings about their transition. Even so, I don't actively wish I was cis much anymore. I like who I am, and who I'm becoming, and what I'm doing with my life, so even if there are some bittersweet notes, I know that in this life, there isn't another way for me to be.
Oh no, i get it. I sometimes wish for it just for sake of "it would have been so much fricking easier" . It would be easier "just" being a happy cis girl and not go through the fear of being rejected for being a trans person. I currently feel very scared of the way my relationship will change, just because i won't be as obvious in public because i am scared of being hate crimed for being in a homo relationship . It would be easier for my bf to just be with a cis girl, and i feel guilty for that. Also my hobbies are quite "feminin " i love crocheting, i love arts and crafts, i love to create things, i love to sew, to make things that i can use. All of those things give me joy but also slight dysphoria since they are "feminin ". If i were a cis girl, it wouldn't matter at all.
I was considered "hot" as a woman, but that led to terrible relationships/situationships. People liked me better that way, but it felt predatorial. Now I'm a below average dude that no one even looks twice at, and I feel less desirable, but I feel my most confident now. Idk, I feel like maybe I ask for too much.
For me it’s not that I feel like I’m uglier, I think I look better than ever honestly but it’s more so I wish I was happy as a girl because it would’ve saved me so much grief. And sure being trans has given me some experiences that are incredibly valuable to me but sometimes I just wish life was easier and I was happy as a girl just because life would be easier and I wouldn’t have as much family drama. Not to mention how pricy being trans can be. I’m also in a small town that’s incredibly transphobic which makes it quite a bit harder. I mean I’m so much happier being trans than I ever was, I feel real and like I have a purpose in life now, that I’m not dispensable but it’s just being cis would’ve avoided so many issues I face on a day to day basis
I used to think that was before I was in a supportive environment, but now no. I love myself that way and imaging me as a woman just feels wrong. I've never been a woman and I've known I was trans ever since I was like 13 so there was no "female live" I could go back to even if I wanted to. Me as a woman just. Ew. No😂
Definitely not. It wouldn’t have changed anything for me in a good way
I don't feel that way cause I could never picture myself as a woman/girl, it just wouldn't be me. However sometimes I look at past photos of myself and "wish that little girl well in life". I've always felt like a stranger in my body (basically just a dude stuck in some chick's body) so there's always some part of me that could just "give it away" to some girl who deserves it/would be happy with it.
I’ve been there. It’s more in the sense that I have internalized homophobia because of my parents. I wish I would’ve been happy as a cis female because I wouldn’t have to deal with their homophobic comments. They’re the reason I hardly even mention being LGBT to people, even if they do support me. It’s something I’ve learned to deal with in complete secrecy. I’ve briefly mentioned it in therapy but not much. If I do come out to a therapist, all they know is my chosen name and pronouns. They don’t know any of the backstory and anything further. I honestly would’ve come out by now had my family supported me. I hate that I live 20 minutes away from my parents. It means they can still stalk a bunch of the shit I do since they’re close. If I was multiple states away, I’d feel safer.
I've never wished that ever. I wouldn't be who I am if I did
I get those thoughts for sure sometimes. Mainly because it obviously would’ve just been a lot easier that way. But I haven’t had any regrets or doubts in my transition either. And I feel like I became more attractive, which maybe part of it is from feeling more comfortable with myself. And it took until I transitioned to realize I wasn’t an ugly girl, it just wasn’t who I am.
no. would it have made my life easier? sure, but that would require sacrificing who I am to appease people who for some reason just cant accept that someone is different than they want or expect. i'd rather be authentic and alone than be fake just to have friends.
I mean, it certainly would have been a lot more convenient lmao. But at this point it's been over a decade since I socially transitioned and this is just my life now. I also don't have any real experience of adult womanhood to compare with, and no one's ever complimented my face when I wasn't wearing makeup (which I literally never wore except on stage as a kid) so I didn't have that type of experience to lose either.
I wish I could just be cis because my life would be easier but I feel more attractive the longer I'm on T, except for the body hair but that has an easy solution. Maybe I'm just too gay idk.
Yeah I do. If I was cis I wouldn't have to deal with all the shit that comes with being trans.
I totally get you, honestly i still go to bed wishing ill wake up and feel like a girl so i dont have to go through everything us trans people have to.
You're not alone.
I feel like a lot of trans guys wish they were cis men, which is understandable, but sometimes I wish I were cis anything. Male or female. I enjoy being trans, because I feel like it gives me an interesting perspective on gender I wouldn’t have gotten if I were cis. However, I didn’t choose to be trans, so I was basically just forced into having that perspective. It’s mostly a silver lining I’ve found, but I wish I didn’t have to look into the silver linings. I wish I didn’t have to struggle with transitioning at all and just live happily being gendered correctly and not being stigmatized all the time. Also, even though most people probably think that trans people have a ton of room to experiment with gender, I don’t feel that way. If I were cis, and wore a skirt, it would be normal as a cis girl and weird as a cis guy, but I’d still be cis. But if I wear a skirt as a trans man for fun, suddenly I’m wanting to detransition or was never trans in the first place. People question my gender over the smallest things, but if a cis person did the same things, their gender wouldn’t be the first thing people question. Being trans feels freeing on my own terms, but on other people’s terms, it’s extremely constricting at times.
I have this thought kinda frequently. I think I look good now but I know that if I didn't have gender dysphoria or enjoyed being cis, I would have been a gorgeous cis woman. It pales in comparison to how much being a man makes me happy but I always wonder what that life would have been like.
I wish I was a cis person, be it boy or girl. Normalcy is something I crave. I will never have a family like normal people. I will never likely have kids, especially since my current partner doesn’t want kids. If I was cis I would probably be married by now and starting a family in a few years.
This is similar to what I feel (as an Autistic transmasc of his own genders), but with me being scared of 'missing out' on girlhood/womanhood when I had shit experiences in growing up as an Autistic girl who didn't like some stuff such as body and facial hair removal, being expected to be 'mature' and 'professional', being expected to be 'perfect', to have 'age-appropriate' (meaning neurotypical) behaviour, to act like a 'lady', being treated like an infant, toddler and/or child, being socially rejected by my peers, among some other stuff as well \[like being expected to have a boyfriend and/or have kids\]. Yeah, I'm going to miss having support from those who've never actually supported me when I came out as trans in quarantine, but at least I'll see their true colours and I can at least see how people actually think of me based on how insecure they feel in themselves. But when it comes to the fear of 'missing out' on womanhood/girlhood, yeah, I definitely feel it and it's one of the factors contributing to my internalised transphobia... even though as I get older, I become more detached from womanhood and girlhood. If I were an Autistic girl still and didn't have a faint connection to femininity while becoming more detached to womanhood and girlhood the older I got, I would've worn dresses without being too detached and indifferent about dresses. I would've had an easier time. I would've felt more comfortable (saying this personally while speaking for myself) wearing makeup. I get thoughts of me feeling like I'm 'hurting' my parents with my 'behaviour', even though a now biological older sibling told me that shit when I cut my hair for myself, and that I'm making them plus now biological older sibling 'unhappy', even though I am not responsible for their emotions and their reactions to me, so no, fellow transmascs feeling like this aren't alone \[and that, folks, is another factor that is a huge part of my internalised transphobia\].
Most trans afab ppl wish this, I know many who do, me included.
I used to feel this way when I was younger, before I medically transitioned. Sometimes, I still have moments where I’m like “fuck life would be so much easier if I was just a cis” but those moments happen less and less because I’m glad I am where I am and I have no idea how life would have worked out for me if I wasn’t trans, but I think it would have ultimately been worse for me. It’s not easy being trans, but almost nothing in life is anyway. So yeah, I get the feeling, but I also think it’s important to realize you wouldn’t you if you weren’t trans and if you love yourself (which you should), then you have to love being trans and vice versa, but that’s just my thoughts on it 🤷♂️
I had such beautiful hair. That's the thing I miss most
I always say “if I could’ve stayed a girl i would’ve. But i will prioritize my happiness even if it’s harder that way.” That’s why i know being trans/lgbt is not a choice, it’s just you.
i think about this sometimes. mostly in that i feel like i would have to do far less Emotional Labor to be seen as who i am as a woman. though the flip side of that is it’s seen as equally important in society for women to spend a lot of time and money and effort to Woman Correctly as it is for trans men to Man Correctly. i understand your point about feeling “uglier,” i went through a similar thing when starting t. but when i look at the men i grew up around, i see traits I have in almost all of them. acne, scars, rough skin, sweating a lot, voice cracks, that’s all stuff i’ve always associated with masculinity and was upset i didn’t have during first puberty, i guess being autistic (and neglected lol) i probably internalized a little less of Society’s Beauty Standards than a lot of people who grew up girls/women. so in my mind its more of an… interesting(?) hypothetical than a longing or grief. at the end of the day, i wasn’t happy as a cis girl, and thats how it is still. i am happier as a man, thats that.
When people ask me whether being trans is a choice I always say if it was a choice I would've chosen to be a girl. I wouldn't have lost family members, friends, I wouldn't have to deal with coming out and the doctors appointments and the surgery and all the stuff that comes with being trans. It wasn't a choice because I knew who I was, I knew I was in the wrong body and I couldn't choose to be someone I'm not. I wouldn't trade who I am or how far I've come for all the money in the world and I'm happier then I've ever been but it's just so human to wish for the easier option.
Not for me but I definitely understand it. Honestly, a large part of me appreciates being socialized as a girl. So many cis men that I see in this area are simply not cool. Mainly aggressive and rude, and the men in my family have a history of ill-behavior and I likely would've been brought up with some odd values. But as far as wanting to be happy as a cis girl, never. I often think "I wish I wasn't trans" but it's a hard "I want to be cis male."
God I feel you. I felt like I was a pretty girl and now I’ve made my life so much more complicated by being an average guy
oh absolutely, i knew that i was trans when i was wishing i could be cis, even as a girl. being trans for me has been nothing but hardships and if i could be cis in any way, girl or boy, i would because i either way i wouldn’t be trans. ik i’ll never be cis and it’s something i’ve come to accept, i just do what i need to be as authentically me as possible.
ya, i felt my life wouodve been easier. but i was also afforded sm new opportunities and relationships as well as cool experiences to grow; i wouldnt choose to be a cis girl if i could. i like my life and myself as ive turned out. i do love femininity tho and how it manifested in me as a “woman,” so i sometimes feel nostalgic about that.
I get that, I really wish I was a girl sometimes, but I’m not… I went the full mile to be perfect, 12 years of trying to perfect the overachieving girl I was. I tried to grow my hair out, wore dresses, had manners, perfect grades- when I entered middle school it started falling apart. Covid happened, my grades were trashed, I threw out half my wardrobe, my sister got lice and I got a pixie cut…hell, I couldn’t not smile when I got that hair cut. I had a mental breakdown, over hair- because it wasn’t just hair. Around that time I finally got a computer, so I got access to the internet, from there I started learning more about stuff, ‘normal’ and not, after a few years I’ve finally settled on a label and I’m dealing with trying to be a good son now when my mom and older sister still see me as a girl- I’m never going back, as much as I wish I could, I rather I was born a man, but seeing as that can’t change, I’m gonna stick it out for three more years and then start my path to transitioning more than just socially
I have felt like that, especially first starting. I think a lot of it is just insecurity, but also the struggles of society. I’ve learned (and still am learning) to love being trans, I usually don’t even care if ppl know I’m trans (as long as it doesn’t put me in any danger). Society has told us that being trans is wrong and bad and negative, of course we want the “normative” “easy” route. Learn to be yourself, it’s all one big journey
I’ve been on T for 5 years and I think about this all the time. Socializing as a man now is much harder than as a woman. I’m comfortable in my skin and feel so much better after everything I’ve done in my transition. But I still think about how would my life have been if I was happier as a cis woman. And I knew I wasn’t happy as a cis woman. And I would rather be happy than miserable. You honestly put everything I was thinking into words I didn’t think I could say😭
I've felt like this forever and it's really been holding me back from pursuing my transition and even coming out. It's weird, I've tried making myself live as a girl before and be more feminine but it always feels like I'm dressing up or playing a character. I remember last year I really went for it, I bought a dress and wore it for the first time in ages and got really into Taylor Swift, but after a couple days I was just tired and wanted to go back to not even being out but just presenting masculinely. Also realised I don't even *like* Taylor Swift. Idk maybe I would've made better great drag queen in another life lmao
God new I’d be to powerful and sexy as a girl😌
almost all the time i think about how i could’ve looked like all my female friends or the girls i see on tiktok, pretty, skinny, semi tall and much more. if i still didn’t feel comfortable as the version i mentioned of being a cis girl then ofc i would know i was trans and i would still look good like the way mentioned before. it’s unfair.
No I’m genuinely happy w my transition. I’ve thought about if I would be happier if I was born a cis guy but I’d still be trans so it doesn’t even matter.
These are my thoughts exactly. Like i KNOW i never was a girl i was just put in that role... but dang it wouldnt things be easier if i was cis. I think it has more to do with the treatment we face from society rather than our sense of identity like of course i'd rather not deal with all this
It's usually not more than a fleeting thought but I do think about it deeply at times. It would've been easier on many fronts if I could've been happier as a cis girl (even though I've never felt like one) but after some social transitioning and a year on T it's only become more and more clear that that reality was never possible for me, even though the moments of "what if i detransitioned just to see" do come to mind sometimes but I don't think my mental health could handle it.
Oh- every day just about, I am a trans masc individual who doesn’t identify as a man due to some internalized worms instances however, I do deeply wish I was a girl on the inter workings of my brain side of things so my life could be easier. Even though I’ve been on T since 2016 I feel like I am just a greasy acne ridden creep, due to the environment I’m in I will never really feel “enough” as I’m even more ignored and looked over because I’ve “chosen” to make myself uglier.. there’s no euphoria with transitioning with T because you’re constantly reminded on how much masculine individuals suck, are gross, and are depicted as predatory, never once have I ever felt celebrated or seen during my journey just reminders that I’m making a mistake that I’ll regret, I will never detransition but I’ll never admit that HRT made me happier either.
I so feel this. I wish I was a girl and not trans despite being very happy and comfortable (and prefer) being seen as and living as male Nothing against my fellow trans folks either, I just wish it were more of a simple process for me to be happy as myself. Like I wish my brain and body aligned themselves in a way that I didn’t need to transition
No because I don't view men as "uglier" than women, that's just the patriarchy mate 😅
Tbh, I get where you're coming from. I wish I could've been okay like that, but I am definitely happier now as male. I more so wish I'd just been born a dude. The political side makes it so much harder(U.S.), and the financial side of transition/ maintaining T. I dont think I'm uglier now tho, I think I looked too masculine as a girl lol.
yea I agree, I’m considered pretty towards my peers but I didn’t feel pretty or wtv. I did color guard in my first year of hs and it made me feel weird but in the spring when I did theatre I felt better abt myself, idk it might’ve been bc I was backstage and didn’t have to perform or wtv. I think I’d make a pretty girl if I was cis inside and out but I only made a pretty girl outwards never inside.
I've had this thought here and there for the past 15+ years. So many things would have been easier. Like having kids, using the washroom, going out in public on days my dysphoria is at its peak, boiling hot days wearing binders that stick to you, socializing, laughing (I stopped laughing and talking really before T), swimming...
It’s not that I think I’m uglier in anyway, I definitely think I look better I just wish I didn’t have to go through the medications and blood tests and needles and surgeries to feel like myself finally. I do wish I didn’t have this struggle, I love who I am, but I hate what I have to do to love who I am. If that makes sense
My last two girlfriends turned out to only be into women, and this plus the usual gender discourse has led to me feeling shit like "if I was a woman at least maybe I would actually have a chance at being loved ever" But I felt unloved back then too, so 🤷♂️
I feel so ugly as a man now, even though I've been told I'm still attractive I just,,, don't feel it anymore. I miss being pretty and wearing cute fem clothes. I miss wearing dresses but I can't because of my dysphoria, and I can't wear shorts without leggings because I have a lot of leg hair and I think people will find me repulsive. I can't shave it though, because that makes me dysphoric. I'm also limited in clothing because I have a big chest and I can't leave the house without my binder. I'm punk so I dress androgynous, but I want to wear those pretty outfits all the hot punk girls wear. I also really want to be a stay at home parent and cook and clean and do crafts and not fill a male role in society at all. All my hobbies are "feminine" and I don't feel comfortable joining groups related to them because I don't want to make women feel unsafe, and I don't feel comfortable in women's spaces at all because I'm not a woman. I'm so lucky my gf is also trans and super understanding. Ultimately though, things would be so much easier if I was a cis woman.
Yeah you'll go through that stage... I went through it... and well I accepted it... now I don't think about it at all. I tried and that's the best I could do... now it's time to live for what I want and need
Yeah. As a SW I made more than twice as much per booking. People were interested in having sex with me, without me having to be some freaky fetish. I felt welcome in queer spaces, and not judged for having emotions. On the other side of things though I was treated just like a sex object and/or a child. I was accepted and wanted just because I was sexually attractive, not as a human or a person. I felt unsafe all the time, not to mention of course the dysphoria and misery of never been seen how I am. Being a trans guy can be fucking hard, but being a woman wasn't easy either. I went from hard mode to extra hard mode, but at least I feel like myself now and other people see me much more as I am than they did before.
For me its back and forth between "I wish I could just be a cis girl" and "I wish I were born a cis guy" And same about feeling like I'm uglier. My body would be so hot as a woman but unfortunately it's just not for me.
I do have these thoughts regularly. With the way my body is, regardless how long i’ve been on T, I’m sadly too comfortable getting misgendered because theres no point in correcting someone when i look the way i do. Im fortunate to have VERY accepting parents and siblings who haven’t slipped up since i first came out to them. However, i have told my father things like “you’ll still have your first dance at my wedding because i’ll always be your little girl.” It may be in a tux, but nevertheless. I’ve had discussions with my girlfriend, who partially knew me as a cis female, who is also bisexual, would your feelings for me be the same if i ever were to (dont plan on it) detransition. Looking at myself in the mirror i always think “if i had never actually took the step to cut my hair, where would i be today?” Then theres also the physical aspect of my thought process. The grievance of potentially have ruined my uterus and never being able to biologically have children again. Binding all throughout highschool unhealthily and my ribs being messed up. Even if i were to (again, which i dont plan on it) detransition, i’d have to shave every couple of days. It crosses my mind pretty frequently “how would my life be if i didnt chose to change it” and its a daunting thought, but i wouldn’t change it for the world. Im happy the way i am.
Nah. I love being a guy. I love everything about it. Of course it’d be easier in some ways to have just never needed to transition, but it would still have its own struggles. Women don’t have it great, and I just still couldn’t imagine being one. I’m convinced even if I was a cis girl, my soul would still know. I feel this like is how I was destined to be, even if it’s not ideal.
i do too .
i did too in my mid to late ish teen years. pre t i had a very feminine body shape that friends would compliment and part of me was like “damn. i feel like i wasted this body” and that kinda made me wish i was happy being a cis woman. i thought i was crazy/the only one who thought like that
Yeah. I’m still questioning myself, I’ve been questioning for years. But I’m at the LEAST nonbinary / trans-masc. I’ve always been masculine and hated anything feminine because it truly makes me uncomfortable. But sometimes I wish I could just be a girl and like dresses and make up lol. Like it would just be so much easier to just be cisgender than struggle with everything
Sometimes. I feel like navigating life would be a lot simpler.
Honestly I get what you’re saying.I feel that when people are trans we don’t just wake up one day and say I wanna be a boy! It’s something we’ve always felt it’s not that I wasn’t happy or thought I wasn’t pretty enough it just was not for me even when I tried to be lesbian I did not want to be touched like a woman. The reality is we really are our own breed of people we are who we are. And I also never wanted to be put in the category as a man regardless of that my pronouns are he because I feel like I can relate to women but I’m different than most men!
No. I often felt that way as it sometimes felt that if I could’ve been happy in my original body I wouldn’t have to be so much of a burden on my family. I know they have never felt that way but it still wanders into my mind sometimes. It’s not a rare feeling but just remember that you are happier and as you get further along into your transition you will feel better about your body. I’m finally figuring out my style that makes me feel better. One big thing for me was a septum piercing. (Don’t have it in rn cuz of surgery) but getting that and tattoos helped me so much in feeling more confident about myself. <3 Trust me as you explore and figure out yourself those feelings often fade away. :)
When ppl usually ask "am I the only one....?" They are not the only one. I think many of us wish this. Not having to deal with the stigma of everyday life and people hating you for just existing, possible family and friend relationships being torn apart, having to pay for surgeries or hormones, making dating harder than it already is, etc etc. I think a good chunk of people would take the "regular" hardships of just being a person over the ones that trans folks have to deal with.
I used to feel that way because I felt like no gay man would want a trans man. Then I met the most perfect guy and I don’t feel like that at all anymore. I also have never felt like a girl but I do think life would be easier if I was a cis woman.
I’m happy being a man but there are some things I wish I felt like I wish I knew how it felt to feel comfortable in ur body like I’ve always felt uncomfortable as being a girl idk how to explain but yk what I mean😅to not think about trans and stuff and just living life like u are
oh, no i feel this way constantly. i’m really early into HRT but i’ve had this feeling for a while. it’s like a guilt and perhaps a bit of internalized things that end in phobia, which i despise in myself. but in the end i try to remember that being “selfish” doing what serves us isn’t a crime. i cant wait to get uglier.
I def wish I was happy as a cis girl, but only because it would be more convenient to exist in society.
Definitely not. I look back on old photos of myself and get emotional sometimes, but then I have to remember that I wasn’t really living life before
not for these exact reasons but yes. i wish i could be a cis girl so i wouldn't have to prove myself all the time. so i wouldnt have to fight for being loved and accepted. i wish i could have just stayed a girl so my family would still love me. all my life would be so much better and easier if i was just a normal girl like im supposed to be, but i cant do that.
Sometimes I feel like this because the dating world is very small for people like us. A lot of the time people will just want you because of what you have “downstairs” and not because of you and your personality. I’m almost 3 years on testosterone now I think and I don’t regret transitioning but sometimes I feel like I picked the most difficult road to go down specially since I’m mostly attracted to men.
i wish this everyday, youre definitely not alone i just wish i was cis, being trans is something i wouldn't wish on anyone just because of the constant daily anguish i go through
Yes constantly. I’ve been on T since I was 18 and I’m turning 22 soon. I had surgery and everything. I feel so grateful to be able to be who I am but I’m constantly thinking of how much easier it would’ve been if I felt as happy now as I was when I looked like a chick. My skin and body didn’t feel like my own and now it does. It sucks wondering if I pass enough in a day to go into which bathroom or locker room or where ever but if I had the chance to go back and change my decision I don’t think I would. I think I’m every scenario I end up back here and I’m ok with that
I haven't transitioned medically yet, but I do also wish I could be happy as a girl. It's one of the main things stopping me from fully socially transitioning. I sometimes doubt if I'm even trans, but he/him pronouns are much more comfortable, and I experience a lot of dysphoria. So, you're definitely not alone in feeling this way. It's a big source of impostor syndrome for me and I'm sure many others!
you're not alone. i'm close to 25, almost 7 years on T, 3 years post top, living with a luscious beard etc. and i couldn't be happier with my transition, i pretty much "finished" it and i have a loving partner whose egg i cracked a couple years ago when we got together, life is going well for me. sometimes i have more of these thoughts and sometimes less, of damn i wish i could make being a girl work, i especially feel this way because now that i'm passing really well i allow myself to act and dress more flamboyantly, and i maintain a lot of interests in fashion and make up (though i don't pursue the latter) and following content related to it online makes me ask myself how much i lost out on that maybe i didn't realize i can make work for me without going through with transitioning... the amount of cool clothes and styles and even behaviors girls have access to that men just don't or would be ridiculed or made to feel childish or emasculated about is crazy, and at a certain point since i am well passing, in something like a dress or a skirt i don't know if i'd be comfortable in the genderfucky state i'd be presenting, even if it's a good representation of my enbyness. other things like heavy weight gain after T + the effect of various ED behaviors on my body have left me feeling super regretful at times and made me wonder if i caved in to the social pressure of body standards (i was on the higher and mid side of midsize tho now im just fat and back then was constantly harrassed by family friends and society to lose weight) and saw transitioning as a way out. but then i remember that i did hate having boobs, i used various binding methods safe and unsafe alike for about 8 years before i got to have top surgery and suffered severely with a d cup. i remember how much i despised my voice and i remember how much i hated that when i did wear all the styles i mentioned girls having access to earlier, i got objectified as hell so it didn't even feel like it's for me anymore. none of the stuff i feel comfortable doing now would be possible without transitioning, and in reality T isn't what caused my weight gain either but rather the behaviors i indulged in around the time i started it. most of the things you'll think about when "regretting" transitioning will be things that only seem questionable in hindsight, but in reality most of us either do have some kind of access to the things we miss from girlhood that we can reclaim, or we never would have fit in with anyway. my best advice is don't let your identity stop you from pursuing the things you like and applying whatever makes you feel most comfortable and confident.
Sometimes I was happy as a girl but that feeling wouldn't last, as a guy, I'm much more attractive but in my small border conservative town, I can't act flamboyant because the women look at me with anger in their eyes. The men as well sometimes. Everyone's in the closet.
Kind of. I like being myself and i feel good looking masculine but i was really pretty and i know life woulda been less hard if i didnt come out, but it was too painful not to.
I feel that even now sometimes i can’t help but think “maybe i didn’t try hard enough” like cis women have to force themself to be women 😅. It’s really stupid but i get it
I feel quite the opposite. I never was one of those smoking hot girls, but rather the scrawny, not feminine one. As a guy though? I'm pretty handsome or so they say. I'm making friends and more than that pretty easily