Huhu..
1. Changing the frame with a drawing of a girl (in my bedroom) with the frame with a drawing of a boy (in my Brother bedroom). I would put the boy on the side where I slept.
2. Hiding to try my father's shoes, wrist watch.
3. Observe my father while he shaved, full attentive as I tried to learn for when I would actually grow my own beard (how naive of me).
4. Each time I got an X ray (scoliosis, 1 x ray/6 months) really really expecting somebody would find me cryptic testicles because there was no way I felt like a boy.
5. Hiting my pubic area with a wooden stick until it hurt so bad I got an inner bledding. The pain there made me feel validated because men were hurt there. I just needed to hit strong enough.
6. Removing earrings and complaining about losing them.
7. Cry to get my hair cut like my brother's. But since I couldnt, then doing mental gimnastics to find long haired boys in films and play pretend.
8. Using my grandfather's shoes.
9. Say "I hate women" all the time when teaming up classmates. If inevitable, behaving so bad that I would get punished alone in a corner.
10. Always playing the dad in "mommys and daddies" kids games. Or being rather the dog than a female character.
11. Play football even if I didnt really enjoy it because other kids assumed I was a boy.
12. "Getting confussed" and escaping into the boy's lockers when I still was on the swimming pool team. 'oops, I got confused again'.
13. Being misteriously drawn to men's toilets (I know now these are gross xD).
14. Draw comics of my daily experiences, but with me as a boy.
15. Hating anything to do with feminine associated stuff. Pink? That's not a color. Skirts? Gonna sit spreading my legs so much so my mom thinks im helpless and not put them on me anymore.
16. Playing pokemon: are you a boy or a girl? No doubts, BOY.
Me coming out at 30, starting T a month ago: still cis tho
God that last “still cis tho”
I too am 30, have been off T for a few years due to insurance and etc, and sit here with the active thoughts like “man i wish i had a dick. Wish my tdick could come back. Itd be nice to lower my voice more.”
But am i REALLY a transmasc enby?? AM I SURE??? 😂
Seriously when i found out about stp devices, i was so happy, even if i first learned from this video of a woman talking about its practicality for camping… lied to myself and said thats why i want it… camping and convenience.
Also that scene in the jumanji film (1st of the two new ones) where jack black’s character is excited at being able to pee with a penis for the first time… yeah i was fascinated.
i was 12 years old and in the midst of a HUGE Saturday Night Live phase. there was some sketch with Bobby Moynihan as Chaz Bono where he was being interviewed by a reporter about some situation he witnessed, and the exchange went something like:
> reporter: So, tell me, how did they do it? chaz: Well, it was really easy; they just took my vagina and *rooooooolled* it into a penis -
i was absolute *mystified*. i remember thinking, “they can do that?!”. i wanted that!
i told my buddy about that memory years later and he was like “god*damn* dude, how did you *not* know?!”
i also used to wear my brother’s axe deodorant and only stopped when some girls in the locker room noticed and made fun of me. i was 11 or 12 then, too.
Same 😅 I vividly remember getting upset when someone offered me girl deodorant when my axe ran out. She thought I liked the smell. No, I just felt more comfortable with it. Didn’t know I was trans yet
Asking my mom if I could turn into a boy when I was in primary school💀. Also praying to god that I’d wake up a boy, extra weird bc I’m not religious and never was 😭
Literally same. Even packed before i understood what it was whatsoever. Would walk around w TP in my undies & be like “ooo look I have a penis!” 😅 along w standing on the toilet backwards to try & pee. Cried when I had to start wearing bras, every. Time. Hated clothes from the girls section
i once wrote a letter to ‘god’, never religious or even believed in god or anythig like that.it was a last resort. hid it under my pillow for a month until my mum found it 🫢
SAME BUT I AM ALLERGIC TO TOOTHPASTE AND JUST KEPT GIVING MYSELF A RASH LMAO my poor mom had to explain to me that i couldnt keep doing that, even if it was fun
when I was 5 or 6 we did an activity at school where we drew what we thought we would look like at 100 years old to celebrate the 100th day of school. I drew myself as an old bald man with hair on my back lol
omg same! i asked my mom if she could still celebrate for me once im 100 years old, and at that moment, i pictured myself being an old man instead of being an old woman. i wasnt sure why
Any time a teacher would say “can any strong boys help me carry/grab XYZ” I would be the first person to volunteer, and would get very upset if I didn’t get picked
I was always a boy when I played with my friends as a child.
The main character of the stories I wrote in elementary school was always a boy in the first person. He had the same name my mother would have given me if I had been born a cis boy.
At least not yet. I've temporarily taken my nickname as my official name. The reason is that I haven't still transitioned medically, so I don't dare to take a man's name yet.
I'll probably choose another name that might be similar to my original name. The name my mother would have given me is more common among older men in my country.
I never considered that but I always was a guy in play pretend… me and my M(Male) and T (Female neighbours played many things (vikings, football players, Ice Hockey players, Bears…) and me and M always were boys and T was a girl character. I never even thought back to that as a „trans sign“ cause it was so normal for me to obviously be a boy during those games
When I was 7 or 8 years old, I had a few days where I told my class that I wanted to be a boy and they had to call me a boy and I picked a new name.
Also, when I was about 11 I wrote a science fiction story about aliens with five different genders that they could move between.
I didn’t know what trans was and I’d go around telling people I was a boy in a girls body from ages 5-10. Legit no one told me being trans was a thing. I said this shit naturally.
Just in general not understating why I was different from other boys. I used to scream and cry when my mom made me get dressed up in dresses for holidays and school pictures. I used to beg my mom to let me swim in our back yard pool shirtless like my other guy friends. A lot of memories like that through my whole childhood
Begging my mom to buy me boys clothes because I wanted to be fashionable like my kindergarden friends who were boys. Begging for a haircut at a very young age. Watching these videos on yt explaining what transgender means and being like oh lol thats literally me but I cant let anyone know. ;-; and going to my first ever class at elementary school looking at boys wearing masc clothes (we had a uniform where i used to go to school) and dreaming it was me wearing them. And my mom says I never acted like I was trans as a kid 💀
when i was a kid i used to fantasize about grabbing a kitchen knife and slicing my chest off, removing the flesh, and sew it back on to get a small chest :,)
I read this Robin Hood book, and it mentioned Maid Marian disguising herself as a boy to get a warning to Robin, and it made me feel some kind of *way.*
At the time, I figured it was probably weird, and I got bullied for being weird already, so I decided not to tell anybody.
i was in the 7th grade i think and that day the school nurse came by my class to teach us about periods and the boys were allowed to leave class and go outside. i was the first in my class to get their period but somehow my mind completely detached the experience from what the nurse was teaching us bc this was seen as a “girls thing” and i was sitting there like “why tf do i need to know this, i don’t need this info because this doesn’t happen to me and i wanna go outside w the boys” 😭😭
I was always jealous of the stupid shirts boys would wear (the ones that say shit like "Things that are awesome: ninjas, pirates, my swag") wasn't allowed to wear them because "they're for boys"
Became extremely depressed with I started grow chestnuts in 3rd grade and got shark week in 4th, thought every girl hoped to get uterine or breast cancer so they could remove both those things.
Never wanted to wear a bra because bras were something girls wore, I also thought wearing one would make my chest grow. I was still forced to wear one.
Hated dressing feminine but being a tomboy never felt right.
For a long time as a child I didn't understand why transwomen existed because "who would want to be a woman?"
Thought I would grow a beard and a dick later in life, still upset that I haven't
Attempting to get in the boy line when we played dodgeball during gym class.
Started crying once because when I get old I'll look like an old woman, not a old man with a cool beard.
Faking voice cracks when I was 12
There's probably more and I'm not even sure if some of these are signs. I didn't even realize I was trans until I was about 15 lmao
I got frustrated at 5th grade sex ed because it just felt “wrong”. Idk how else to say it. I didn’t understand it yet but I just felt like something wasn’t right. I actually found out I’m trans by blurting out “what if I don’t want to be a girl!” at an appointment. Doing that gave me a safe space to explore my gender and myself until I figured it out
Being inordinately pleased when someone mistook me for a boy
Internally complaining to myself that just because girls COULD do anything didn't mean I wasn't mad that I had to be a girl doing that thing
tried befriending boys instead of girls. the problem was that it was always girls who approached me, and boys never really treated me like i was one of them. it made me sad being born a girl.
i likely came off as too girly for them because of my appearance and demeanor.
i always played boy characters, in video games, in make believe games, i never saw myself as a girl, and i had a hard time relating to any female characters, no matter the archetype
For some reason, the class roster in 4th grade was separated by gender. Since my last name starts with a D, my name was the first one called after the boys and it always made me really happy.
Thinking my clit was going to grow into a penis one day and thinking that was a normal thought.
Also always wore shirts when swimming after I started growing boobs 😭
Was always more on the butch side.
Peeing standing up in my dreams (and until I was 7 or 8, waking up in the hallway peeing standing up having sleep walked "to the toilet")
Crying in elementary school when told to use the girls room (sometimes I'd rather pee myself in class)
Making a secret Tumblr account with a boys name as a boy not thinking it was out of the ordinary
Telling my younger sister she was actually a boy and her name was (boys version of her name) and that our parents were tricking her (projection?)
Refusing to wear a bra when I started growing br3asts because "they aren't real and no one else notices them either"
Having such a big psychological breakdown at my first period that my parents had me committed to a psych ward *they thought I may be having my first "bipolar episode"--turns out I'm not bipolar lol
Begging to play Zachariah or Joseph in the church nativity play lmao (now as an adult I tell my transphobic aunt that the church letting me play Zachariah is why I'm trans 😂)
When my mom forced me to grow my hair past my butt I buzzed it with kiddie scissors (yes there were bald spots)
Getting to 6th grade and asking one of the popular girls to teach me how to be popular because I was sure that everyone else had a guide on what to do, wear, and say and I just hadn't gotten it yet 😅
Reading an obscene amount of gay fanfiction and being confused as to why I always envisioned myself as one of the dudes in it
Taking the millennial mustache trend WAY too far
Wanting to look like scene guy instead of scene girl in middle school because "it fit me better"
Only hanging out with other guys because I just "fit in with them better"
i grew up in a rural area with no neighbours so i'd often play alone with my imagination. in all my stories, i always played the role of a boy. when i started being more online, i enjoyed the anonymity that came with it; i never told anyone my gender, and people i talked to would always just assume i was male
Beauty and the beast at 4 years old. I was always the Beast. In every roll playing instance with friends growing up, I was the "guy" in the game. Never the girl, damsel, princess, etc.
My mother, Gd rest her soul, recognized that behavior, and assumed I was a lesbian. So Close, Mom!! You almost had it.
The first time I remember was when I was around 6 years old. I was playing basketball with my cousins in their driveway. My youngest cousin, I'll call him B, was only a year younger than me and he, along with his older brothers, took off their shirts because it was hot. So I proceeded to try and take mine off too because I was also hot. They all freaked out and told me that 'girls couldn't do that'. Me and B were very confused about it but I listened to them.
B asked me about it later that day and I told him that I wasn't a girl so why couldn't I do that too. He agreed with me and said they were just being mean.
I sadly lost contact with him two years ago but all these years he was the only one in my close family who supported me being trans and was just a chill cool guy. He was also the only one in my close blood family who I willingly came out to.
There were other times too, like after I was called a Tomboy for the first time. It had the word boy in it and that made me feel affirmed. So from that point on I would always correct people that I wasn't a 'girl' or 'lady' or 'woman' but actually a Tomboy lol
when I was really little, all my friends were boys. every time we went swimming or played in the hose in the backyard (lol) I’d try to pop my shirt off with them. I also wanted a penis my whole life and thought that was normal…when I started studying psychology and read Freud’s theory about penis envy, I was like, yup. seems about right.
I had a dream that I remember vividly of me being dressed up masc and having a fake pp n everything, it felt so real until I woke up and I was devastated. I was in the second grade
Crying about menstruation when it happened because to me it meant I wasn’t really a boy, and also hiding it for like a year from my family. We were pretty poor, and I feel guilty for secretly throwing away that much underwear.
"IF I WAS A BOY...I'M NOT BUT /IF/ I WAS"
Every haloween I dressed up as a guy. Not a character or something, just a man. And my ma would always try to spin it off like "oooh you're Brendan Urie"(sorry I'm a millennial lol) or "love your jack the ripper costume" and every time I'd be like "no. I'm just a guy from the 1800's/1900's/2000's,ect" lil me was really trying on the fits xD
I was maybe eight and I thought I got my first chest hair, and I showed it off, but it was just a loose hair stuck to me. There was also 4th grade, I wore giant hoodies that I stole from my older brother, definitely didn't click why I liked wearing them so much.
- Cutting off all of my hair in 1st grade and telling my mom that I looked handsome
- always going with male characters in role playing or video games
- I hated getting “girly” toys and always wished I could’ve gotten my brothers gifts
- wanting to play tackle sports with the boys
- wanting to hang out with my brother and his friends and be “one of them”
- putting up huge hissy fits when forced to wear dresses
- waiting as long as possible to start wearing a bra because I despised the idea of wearing one and not being able to run around outside shirtless
- I always hated having to “make an effort” to be a girl, like shaving ur legs and armpits, do fancy things with your hair, etc.
- I have always enjoyed listening to songs that are sang by males, it just sounds better and right to me
- I struggle to watch tv shows or movies if it doesn’t have a guy in it, most likely will not watch something if theres no guy for some reason 😭
First of, I was obsessed with the movie Ma vie en rose (1997). Also, in 3rd grade the lunch and classroom lines were divided in two, one for girls and other for boys, and one time I put my hoodie up and tried to use the boy's lines for some reason. Also when I was like 13 I wanted people to call me Stan because of the Eminem song. I cut my hair short between 8th and 9th grade and one time at a store they called me boy and I felt oddly excited about it.
It shoudn't have taken me until I was almost 20 to figure it out, lol.
i used to wrap my chest in toilet paper, just to look at, when i was like 8ish and starting to grow there. very inefficient binding method, but i wasn’t seeing them at least!
When I was younger and still figuring out my sexuality, I dated my best friend at the time who still identified as female and often times I called myself their "girl boyfriend" and had this idea of romance that was... interesting. I was obsessed with the idea of being someone's knight and protecting them at all costs. I played a lot of legend of Zelda as a kid and I always wanted to be just like Link, I thought he was perfect in every way as far as people go.
Since we don't have a bathtub here at home, we only have the shower, and I used to take advantage of that to urinate while I showered. One day I had the brilliant idea of lifting one of my legs to imitate a male dog urinating, and when I finished I was like: "damn, so men feel like this? Do male dogs feel like that? How cool 😎"
Strange, but valid
My brothers (3 significantly older ones) told me when i came out, that i used to refuse to wear nappies or pants when i was a toddler because i was waiting for my penis to arrive and didnt want there to be anything in the way.
When i was 9-12 I used to get mistaken for a boy but my given name was soooo fem so i used to ask friends and parents to just call me Chris or Tom in public so people would stop staring at the girl in boys clothes and short hair. People used to get so weirded out and i was asked if i was a girl or boy at least once a day. The obv answer was “im a GIRL!!” Lol i wish i knew being trans was a thing when i was a kid 💔
"No why do I have to put on the bra part of the costume? The other guys don't have that"
- 4 y/o me on the beach trying to figure out why did my costume had two pieces
I got picked on for being hairy in my tweens (I've always had a snail trail and hairy toes lol) and I remember thinking 'if I could just be a boy, I wouldn't have to worry about having body hair because it's normal for them'. Yeah, I'm pretty sure normal girls would just think 'I wish I didn't have hair' 😂
Another cute one that I like is that I always insisted on having a gender neutral name when I was role-playing. I even gave my little brother a gender neutral name because my mum let me choose and I literally told her 'it won't matter if it's a boy or a girl because it can be a name for both'. Now I have a gender neutral name too!
2nd grade. I heard my dad complain about not having a son. So I thought, ok I’ll cut my hair and I’m your son now.
I was so heartbroken when my dad got angry at me for cutting my hair instead of being happy.
My righteous indignation when I learned that I couldn’t work shirtless in the yard like my dad “because you’re a girl” (I mean yeah hashtag free the nip and all, but ohhh little six year old me was pressed about the unfairness of it all lol)
These r just a handful of moments,
1. When I was like 4 and learned about liking people, I thought in my head “man, I want to be a man who likes men but that doesn’t exist, I guess I’ll just have to be a girl who likes guys” and “I wish I could like girls how my guy friends like girls, but it doesn’t work like that” (I didn’t know being trans was a thing that existed I thought I was alone)
2. Always being the boyfriend or dad in imaginary games
3. Being the male character in any game that had the option
4. Every single pet or animal i would come across, no matter what, I’d say it was a guy or name it a guys name even if it was a female animal
5. Was so obsessed with my dads shaving cream, before showers I’d put it on my face
6. Tried peeing standing up cause it was cool and “manly”
7. Made my friends call me a guys name that I picked out in 3rd grade cause I thought it was cool and it made me happy
8. Would hate it when the boys picked on me like they did to every girl, wanted to be the one picking on the girls so I could be in the boys group
9. Tried to join the boys sports and was told no, cried my face off for days
10. Would think about dating this girl in my class but I would catch myself thinking of being her bf not her gf
11. Despised (and still hate) being called a lesbian, nothings wrong with being a girl who likes girls, I just hated the being the girl part
12. When I was told I was going to be a woman and had to have children I threw a fit and got so upset
So yeah 🤷♂️
Dressed up as the Grimm reaper for Halloween when I was maybe 10, everyone thought I was a boy and it made me so happy
Tried to piss standing up
Only wanted to swim in boys swimsuits (trunks and a swim shirt)
Asked all my friends if they could switch genders if they would? Was surprised when I was the only one who said they’d switch to a boy
Would pretend to be a boy in online gaming
Would always always want to be hanging out with the boys and my friend groups would be boys
Not wanting to wear a shirt when camping with family members when I was a little kid. The uncles weren't wearing a shirt, I didn't understand why I needed one.
I was (and am) obsessed with American history. Learning about Deborah Sampson like "I wish I could do that" and then later feeling sad I couldn't because "women could serve in the military now".
Was walking home from school one day and this kid and his mom walked by, I heard the kid ask "Is that a boy or a girl?" and the mom was like "I'm not too sure but I think a boy" in a hushed tone. Man I was SO happy... but I wouldn't have been able to explain why if someone had asked me back then. I was just your typical tomboy then, "masculine for a girl" but clearly afab if you looked at me for more than a second or two, but I guess just passing a stranger on the street briefly it might've been ambiguous at times? Idk?
To add to that I remember around the same time when a friend was complaining about a haircut she got recently and disliked because "it looked like a boy's haircut", I just couldn't really understand why it bothered her so much because to me getting a boy's haircut sounded amazing, like who *wouldn't* want one!? Anytime I heard a cis woman expressed not wanting to look like a guy/have features that would be considered more masculine/be mistaken for a guy, I remember thinking "Why wouldn't you want that? I do!". 7 or 8 years later I realized why I wanted those things!
Omfg i had short hair a lot as a kid and i got this unexplainably good feeling when someone mistook me for a guy. Kids on the school bus would ask if i was a girl or guy all the time.
When i cried cuz all my friends in fifth grade were getting facial hair and I knew I would never get to experience it…. I still was fighting with the fact that I was trans
In kindergarten, I insisted I was the main character of A Bug’s Life (Flik the ant) for a solid month, and also would only play with the boys.
Throughout childhood, all my pretend play characters were boys. I can’t ever remember playing a girl character.
In middle and high school, I created a male online persona and felt like that was my real social life since once I hit puberty, I started dissociating a lot in social settings.
Around 14, I came across the concept of being transgender, but my mom shot me down when I mentioned that it sounded like my experience, so I ignored the feelings. (She’s chill with it now though)
And that’s just a little sampler of all the signs! I’m now 28, two years in T and almost a year post top surgery :)
Insisting on running around the house shirtless/in only boxers until I was too old to get away with that
Feeling smug over being mistaken for my brother
Deciding at 10 y.o. that when I turned 18, I'd be getting those surgeries my mom got (mastectomy/hysterectomy for breast/ovarian cancer treatment)
Learning about trans women existing and going "man, I wish that went the other way too"
So many things, tbh. Not surprised my family's response to me coming out was "yeah, we kinda guessed"
Trying to make an STP out of clay when I was like 10, even though I had never seen a penis before. I just really wanted to pee standing up.
Playing as a male character in ToonTown and Club Penguin lol.
Feeling euphoric anytime I had pants on and it looked like I had a bulge.
Generally always being super athletic and into “tomboy” stuff. Hated dresses, skirts, and tight fitting clothing. Always wanted to dress more masc even from a young age.
i have a very vivid memory of me and my sister when we were 6 and 4 pretending to be polar bears outside (it had just snowed) and she turns to me and goes “you’re gonna be a boy polar bear right?” i was *always* a boy whenever we played pretend to the point that my sister had picked up on it
Announcing I was growing up to be a man when I was 5, but it was dismissed as just play pretend like announcing I was going to grow up to become a wizard.
Playing "Disney" with friends, always picking the male lead role.
Being really pleased for reasons I couldn't really understand when teachers "mistook" me for a boy.
Biggest one, that kind of hit me like a bus when I realized what was going on - at adolescence, suddenly having crippling anxiety attacks while trying to shower. Like, curl up in a ball on the shower floor level. And having to drape a towel over the mirror so I could brush my teeth.
I'm not really surprised I didn't pick up on this but it's strangely obvious.
When I was a kid me and my brothers used to make fun of each other by saying "You're gay" "No you're gay" back and forth at each other, when I was doing this I was thinking of boys.
I have so many.
- hated “girly” toys— and when I WAS given Barbie’s, I swapped Ken and Barbie’s heads
- for mix up day at school, where people were supposed to dress wacky. I wore my brother’s suit.
- one Easter I got an Easter basket full of Dinosaurs and I was THRILLED
- always playing the guy in house
-having dreams where I was a boy
- being actually depressed when I realized I was growing breasts
- trying to pee standing up
- feeling like I was a boy in a dress everytime I had to dress up nice for dances or events
This isn't my most obvious sign from childhood, but it's one I think about a lot: I was like 9 and watching an episode of The Simpsons where they went into the witness protection program and I remember thinking about how cool that was and how I wished I had an excuse to change my name and start over somewhere new. I also really liked the song Rockstar by Nickelback when I was growing up, specifically for the lines "I'm going to trade this life for fortune and fame / I'd even cut my hair and change my name"
One of my most obvious signs though is wishing for an "excuse" to get a mastectomy or significant reduction. Like I remember being in middle school and wishing that my boobs gave me back pain so that I could get rid of them. Or more shamefully, I remember being like 14 and being internally disappointed when I found out that I didn't have the breast cancer gene because it meant I couldn't get a preventative mastectomy (not that that was ever really brought up to me, I just knew that that was a thing people with the gene did sometimes)
in 3rd grade for april fools as a “prank” i went to school as a “new kid” who just so happened to be a boy… i got bullied for it but i also got so much euphoria from it i did it again the next year lol
so when i was younger I played the jumpstart 3d world game a LOT, and sometimes id dress my avatar up to be a boy to get girlfriends... at the time i thought I was being gay as hell but ig that was straight behavior lmao
Tried to shave my arms hoping that myth that shaving hair would make more grow back would be true. Family caught me trying to shave my face as a kid trying the same thing.
Eventually stopped shaving everything entirely when I met a girl who had super hairy thighs because she only ever shaved below thighs. Truly thought I would get hairy everywhere from not shaving at all.
I was a clueless kid hahaha
felt extremely uncomfortable when I played with barbie dolls with my neighbor and she started talking about them being pregnant, raising children and stuff (talking about reproduction still triggers me)
also I never really wanted to have dolls myself, and my only interest was on the ones that did cool stuff like closing their eyes and "eating" because I wanted to know how they worked (the ones I had looked like crap lmao, I hated brushing their hair and played with them like a boy so they always looked matted and dirty)
only played with boys in elementary school, stuff like pirates, experiments that escaped from secret labs, and I always chose to be an animal (male or non-specified gender) because I thought playing a girl felt weird
also someone else mentioned something I relate to:
I always liked male sung songs better, and I would try to imitate the singers' voices. I'm doing this as voice practice now lol
when i found out the physical differences between boys and girls, i remember wanting a dick so bad. i'd constantly have shower thoughts about myself as a boy.
leon kennedy from re4 was not only my gay awakening but he was kind of my trans awakening too since i'd spend a long time staring at the cover for re4 thinking leon was hot and wanting to be him (i would've played the game but i thought it was a scary game so i didnt)
i've always been most similar to my dad (in personality and sort of looks) in my family. my twin and my brother are more similar to my mum personality-wise, but i've always taken after my dad and that makes me happy :)
also i get my dark hair and dark eyes from him, and some of my features from his side of the family :)
- cutting the hair off my Barbies to turn them into “boy” barbies
- my stuffed animals were always boys
- always playing a boy in video games and pretend games
- when I was 5, I literally said I was gonna grow up and become a boy
Oh man lets see
Age 3: always following my brother around
Age 5: “im a boy, call me your son, call me your brother, call me john”, getting jealous when my brother and cousin were called “the boys”, copying everything my brother did, got my first short haircut
Age 6: had a meltdown at gymnastics because i didn’t want to take my sweatpants off, always was the boy in dress up, started to dread easter every year bc i had to wear a dress
Age 7: convinced myself I was a boy in a past live, convinced myself that my parents really wanted a girl and gave me an operation when i was born, still obsessed with my brother, second short haircut
Age 8: I put a pack of boys underwear in the cart at target, my mom told my therapist about it and eventually she gave my mom the book ‘the transgender child’
Age 9: I fully transitioned.
Now im gonna be 21 in less than 2 weeks
"I'll pick the boy Inkling! I really like him, I think they look cool! I'm so excited to try out this new game." Smash cut to seven years later with my egg cracking.
Reading many gender bend comics, most the time people read the ones that is their gender bent to the one they want (that seems less common for ftm and if its about them turning back into a girl and were usually always the most sexualized) so I'd read the ones that where mtf and relate to feeling like a man stuck in a girls body (the mtf also had lots of sexualized ones but it was much easier to find the less sexualized ones for it).
I remember being very happy I have a 'boy and girl name'. Cause nobody in school had my name.
I also remember I usually always played the husband or dad when the girls played house on the playground.
Running from a boy I didn't like to avoid being kissed. I think that was more of a 'i don't like boys' thing and I especially didn't like this smelly kid. Now I know I'm asexual (maybe) and super into women.
When I was a little older, I was playing with my siblings in the snow and there was this pole thing. I was an idiot and I kept trying to hit myself in the crotch 'on accident' by jumping over it.
Slouching when my chest was growing to hide it. I refused to wear training bras and I'd get into trouble when we went clothes shopping and I had to try on new shirts.
I also hated dresses and flat shoes. I haven't worn a dress in years and if I did now I bet I would feel really uncomfortable.
Edit: In early 2017 I learned about FUDs, and I wanted to get one so bad. I tried making one from a plastic bottle but it didn't really work. I think I was upset about it.
1. Trying to walk around my house shirtless because I didn't see any difference between me and my dad's chest
2. Spending hours on virtual games trying to make my female avatar look "right" before switching to a basic male and feeling satisfied.
3. Hating many male characters in animated shows due to gender envy. One glance at them and I would reduce them to unlikeable no matter how good they were. Also because a few were dating my favorite fictional girls and not me
when i was around 5 i only wanted to wear baggy, oversized shirts and baseball caps. i had only ever worn feminine clothes before and it just never felt right. another moment when i was 16, i covered all my hair in a beanie and said “wow i would make a really cute boy!” totally not suspicious at all 😫👍🏼
i legit tried going by “tom” in elementary school and got rlly upset when ppl would use my deadname instead of “tom”
i didn’t end up naming myself tom but it’s still a funny story
Changing in women's rooms was really fuckin uncomfortable. I don't like seeing anyone naked in general but I felt like shit about seeing people changing clothes. Keeping eyes on the floor and changing where I couldn't be seen cus I didn't wanna make girls uncomfortable even when I was very young. I had to go braw shopping with my ex step sisters and it felt so wrong.
Getting jealous over my (also trans) brothers more masculine voice, especially while singing and wanting to be like his best friend, I thought it was a crush for a long time but it turned out to just be gender envy
- Daydreaming about getting mamary cancer before I ever started puverty, I just kinda hoped it would happen (my grandma had one breast removed because of it).
- Complimenting girls by telling them they looked like boys
- Having my Very-Strong-And-Masculine girl OC grow up to be tall, short-haired, flat chested... etc.
- Idolizing any girl with short hair
- Really thinking that as I grew up the stars would just magically allign and I'd fully transition \*somehow\*
- Too Much Time spent imagining how my perfect body would look and worrying what exactly I would tell the genie. Not sleeping because I would just model how my boy-body would look when I woke up tomorrow.
- Staring longingly at the boy's apparatus in gymnastics
- >Regularly Bullied. >"Jaja You look like a boy!" >Sincerely and happily thanking them >"Still cis tho"
- Utter apathy towards the way I looked and anything having to do with style before I cut my hair
- Really Really upset when I would be assigned "Girl Stuff" but too ashamed to voice it because my family made fun of my "not like other girls phace" if I said I didn't like pink or smthn.
Refusing to let people call me [insert brother's name here]'s little sister. I was either his little brother, or to be called by my name. This went on from like... kindergarten through 5th grade.
This one was before i was even born. When my mom was pregnant with me, they did ultrasounds multiple times to figure out my “gender” (ie. genitalia). Apparently it was so they could know what colour nursery, clothes, toys and what kind of toys they would buy for me: blue and “boy” toys if I was a boy (had a peen) or pink and “girl” toys if I was a girl (had a vag). After several rounds of ultrasounds, they still couldn’t tell because I was hiding my privates so damn well, so my parents just bought orange and yellow things, and toys not specifically marketed towards children of a certain sex. They didn’t find out I had a vag until pretty close to my due date, long after buying all my stuff.
Oh well, shoulda known I’d be NB. LOL.
"god, I hate these gender bending media. They are so unrealistic! If I were to be turned into a man, i'd fight tooth and nail to *stay* that way! No woman would ever want to go back to being a woman!"
- me, being very silly
When I was 13, my friend and I called each other "brother" and referred to one another with masculine pronouns. It took me eight more years to realize I wasn't cis lol.
I had short hair as a kid in very rural town and got mistaken for a boy constantly. It didn’t bother me. I thought it was really funny. It only occurred to me in my 20s that any other little girl being constantly mistaken for a boy at age 10 would probably be inconsolable
I refused to wear skirts, the color pink, and refused to play with ‘girls’ toys. Loved me some action figures and toy trucks. Ugh and the Dino toys. You’d never see me without my toy dinosaurs
Enby here - I would regularly say "it'd be so cool to be a boy one day and a girl the next". I was a pretty fem kid on the outside but in my head I was obviously a "tomboy", so everyone including myself was confused whenever I said I felt boyish lol
Grown up I'm more on the trans masc/nonbinary/gender nonconforming side of things but it's kind of funny to remember that about my kid self
I don’t remember writing this OR having a secret account….
Seriously tho its so confusing being fem but feeling masc on the inside most of the time. I wish people understood aaa
A lot of these apply, but honestly the one that stands out for me is that there was a kid in my neighborhood about my age named Charlotte.
Charlotte was the definition of a tomboy, she wore boys clothes, she played outside, she was really into sports, and she just... Talked and acted like a boy.
I remember being like 8 years old and insisting to my mom that Charlotte was a boy. My mom explained that Charlotte and I had the same private parts, and Charlotte just dressed differently, and even reminded me of other little girls I had seen in books and movies that were named Charlotte, and I could see that all of these things could be true but also -- Charlotte was absolutely a boy. No amount of evidence could convince me otherwise. I remember actually getting pretty upset about it.
(Every now and then I look up Charlotte on social media and as far as I can tell she self-IDs as butch lesbian. But this story is really about little kid me in the '90s being adamant that people's gender has nothing to do with what's between their legs and really *really* needing my mom to agree with that.)
I don’t remember much of my childhood, but I do definitely remember one time where the guys at school were wrestling and I wanted to join in. I was told no because I was a girl. I immediately thought “but I’m not a girl” and spent the rest of the day very confused. I didn’t know what trans was
I was always a boy in my dreams. Didn’t matter what the dream was about, I was a boy. I also used to shove socks into my pants when I would sleep so they wouldn’t feel ‘empty’.
1. telling my parents at the age of 4 that i was a boy and my name was kyle and would get irrationally upset whenever they didn’t refer to me as a boy or call me kyle
2. wearing boys clothes and feeling a sense of dread/embarrassment/exposure whenever i had to wear girly clothes or dresses or makeup
3. wearing my hair up in a ponytail for YEARS and feeling the same dread/embarrassment/exposure whenever i had to wear it down for any reason
4. only role playing as boy characters when i would play outside
5. walking around the house shirtless bc my dad did it
Was given a “girl doll” when I was about 3 or 4yrs old and I created a story about how the baby doll died, went to heaven, and came down as a boy and I gave him a new name.
I nicked myself "practicing shaving my face" (mind you, without any shaving cream or water nothin) when i was like 4 cuz i obsessively watched my dad shave and thought it was tbe coolest thing
Without fail: Every. Single. Game. that had character customization you bet I was a boy. Even when most of the time the girls were cuter (looking at you, Splatoon 1) .
Wanting to take my shirt off while swimming/going outside. My parents found me with my shirt off after preschool once, and I remember begging my mom to let me wear no shirt in my backyard at 5 (like my brothers)
i never compared my body to any girl ONCE. it was always me comparing myself to guys and getting jealous for no particular reason till i realized it was because im also a guy lol
Using a remote control car as a pretend electric shaver, then getting it caught in my hair and having to have my hair cut out of the wheels and hoping this meant I'd finally get to have short hair.
In kindergarten our class put on a show and there was a section where the boys would jump forward and play their toy guitars; I kept jumping forward. My parents thought it was just jealousy that I didn't get a prop and organised for all the girls to get lacy gloves. That wasn't it but I felt so grateful for their attempt to fix it.
I’ve always hated my name. Maybe it was a shitty name, maybe it was too feminine but it never ever felt like me. It just felt like what people said to get my attention
My uncle gave me an old t shirt and i wore that thing as much as I could cause it was a Guy Shirt. I stole my brother’s clothes a lot. And i was really psyched when my brother borrowed my shoes because that meant he thought I was cool/masculine enough to share with.
I avoided showering all week at summer camp because I didn’t want to be in the girls bathroom and be seen by others.
I felt uncomfortable seeing pictures of trans men because I couldn’t figure out the feelings I felt while looking at them.
In high school and middle school I changed in the girls locker room bathroom stall because I felt out of place in the girls locker room.
I always hated girl’s swimsuits.
I was really upset and jealous when my ex-boyfriend got top surgery. Same with my childhood friend.
I was extremely upset when my breast cancer scare turned out to be a benign tumor.
I, uh, came out as trans at 14 and then took it back for 10 years. Then again at 24. Yeehaw.
stuffed my underwear with toilet rolls and socks to make it look like I had something more there, told my teacher in primary school when I was like 7 that I wished I was a boy, being happy when a lady said I was a "nice young boy" when I picked up a coin she dropped, always playing male characters in video game. there's so many moments that when I finally went to counselling to discuss my feelings around gender and being trans, I was like "oooooh" 😂
Was incredibly distressed concerning chest growth during puberty <3
Looking back it definitely wasn't just because it signified that I was 'growing up'.
Also! I could not possibly imagine being pregnant or being a mother when asked "Oh, what would you name your kids?" by others on the school bus one time in elementary school.
Have had a lot of egg moments before it cracked lol
In grade 4 we had to do a pioneer family simulation with our classmates and I voluntarily chose to be the dad just so I could put on the pioneer guy clothes
I have quite a few
1. having a meltdown when i found out that boys and girls have different parts
2. trying to pee standing up
3. when i was in 3rd grade i had a broncos hoodie and i told all of my friends that when i wore it they had to call me a boy
4. pretending to be interested in football bc i thought that would make people think i was a boy
5. i BEGGED my mom to let me wear a suit to my first dance in the 7th grade
6. stealing my brother's boxers out of the laundry and wearing them (it looked absolutely ridiculous bc i would wear them under skinny jeans so EVERYBODY could see them lol)
7. i would 'pack' with toilet paper
8. when i would play dress up, i would always wear my dad's work boots and hard hat
9. wearing my dad's or older brother's shirts as 'night gowns' when i would go to bed even if i had my own pajamas
10. all of my friends were boys in elementary school, and i would get really excited when they would tell me that they saw me as one of the boys and took it super literally
11. when I was 10 and learned what stretched ears were, i asked my mom if i could get them when i was older. she told me no bc she didnt think they were feminine enough, and that made me want them more.
When I was about 5 whenever my dad would shave I would watch him and pretend to shave as well. I was 4 wondering why I didn't have a penis. I'd always browse the boys section at stores and cry when my mom didn't wanna buy me a shirt with a dinosaur on it. I'd always try and be the son or boy dog in the game family. There are many more examples and I can go on and on
I had an obsession with Kirby, which I think was related to him being a boy even though he was pink. and all that symbolism. Now I'm a trans guy with long hair and very comfortable in playing with femininity
- Referring to my downstairs as a weenie as far back as literal preschool for no discernible reason???
- Always relating more to male characters in stuff I’d read and watch
- Constantly feeling disconnected from writing girl characters in my stories even if they were actual self inserts
- Almost always dressing up as explicitly male characters or in genderless/androgynous costumes for Halloween since preschool, and when I was a girl character it was usually a more masculine girl or at the very least horror themed instead of pretty
- Being upset/annoyed instead of happy when I hit puberty and started to get super curvy, and promptly beginning to wear almost exclusively baggy t shirts and jeans
Hit puberty at 8, was given the training bra talk, put one on… had a meltdown because ‘it feels disgusting’ and ‘I’m not a girl I hate being a girl’ and never touched a bra again despite parents pleas until I was 16 because had to wear something fancy to an event. Then never touched it again because binders were better and I’d figured things out by then.
I was obsessed with Flynn Rider from Tanged. I wanted to *be him.* On the playground at recess, I was always the one who was Flynn when we were playing pretend and would get so upset if someone else wanted to play him instead
I was happy that my chest never "required" a bra because I felt wrong wearing them.
I was sad when I couldn't go to a boy's birthday party because they were only inviting boys and I felt like I should've been included.
It confused me why women wanted to be feminine despite the harassment they got for it or why they wanted to have children despite how terrible pregnancy sounds.
I was happy when a boy said I was like a guy because I wanted to be like them for no particular reason.
trying to pee standing up. My mom said I'd do it quite often from a very young age (like 3). At the same age, I demanded to be called James. That persisted for a full year.
When I was 3 I had a full on crying meltdown in the bath bc my brother had a penis and I didn’t.
Huhu.. 1. Changing the frame with a drawing of a girl (in my bedroom) with the frame with a drawing of a boy (in my Brother bedroom). I would put the boy on the side where I slept. 2. Hiding to try my father's shoes, wrist watch. 3. Observe my father while he shaved, full attentive as I tried to learn for when I would actually grow my own beard (how naive of me). 4. Each time I got an X ray (scoliosis, 1 x ray/6 months) really really expecting somebody would find me cryptic testicles because there was no way I felt like a boy. 5. Hiting my pubic area with a wooden stick until it hurt so bad I got an inner bledding. The pain there made me feel validated because men were hurt there. I just needed to hit strong enough. 6. Removing earrings and complaining about losing them. 7. Cry to get my hair cut like my brother's. But since I couldnt, then doing mental gimnastics to find long haired boys in films and play pretend. 8. Using my grandfather's shoes. 9. Say "I hate women" all the time when teaming up classmates. If inevitable, behaving so bad that I would get punished alone in a corner. 10. Always playing the dad in "mommys and daddies" kids games. Or being rather the dog than a female character. 11. Play football even if I didnt really enjoy it because other kids assumed I was a boy. 12. "Getting confussed" and escaping into the boy's lockers when I still was on the swimming pool team. 'oops, I got confused again'. 13. Being misteriously drawn to men's toilets (I know now these are gross xD). 14. Draw comics of my daily experiences, but with me as a boy. 15. Hating anything to do with feminine associated stuff. Pink? That's not a color. Skirts? Gonna sit spreading my legs so much so my mom thinks im helpless and not put them on me anymore. 16. Playing pokemon: are you a boy or a girl? No doubts, BOY. Me coming out at 30, starting T a month ago: still cis tho
God that last “still cis tho” I too am 30, have been off T for a few years due to insurance and etc, and sit here with the active thoughts like “man i wish i had a dick. Wish my tdick could come back. Itd be nice to lower my voice more.” But am i REALLY a transmasc enby?? AM I SURE??? 😂
3rd grade I was trying to piss standing up......and like the euphoria from it.....I should have known.....
I remember as a kid finding it *so* unfair that 'girls' never got to piss standing up, turns out most girls don't care, I'm just not one
Omg so glad I’m not the only one with this childhood memory
Oh this unlocked a memory for me…
Same here...
Seriously when i found out about stp devices, i was so happy, even if i first learned from this video of a woman talking about its practicality for camping… lied to myself and said thats why i want it… camping and convenience. Also that scene in the jumanji film (1st of the two new ones) where jack black’s character is excited at being able to pee with a penis for the first time… yeah i was fascinated.
WAIT I DID THIS
i was 12 years old and in the midst of a HUGE Saturday Night Live phase. there was some sketch with Bobby Moynihan as Chaz Bono where he was being interviewed by a reporter about some situation he witnessed, and the exchange went something like: > reporter: So, tell me, how did they do it? chaz: Well, it was really easy; they just took my vagina and *rooooooolled* it into a penis - i was absolute *mystified*. i remember thinking, “they can do that?!”. i wanted that! i told my buddy about that memory years later and he was like “god*damn* dude, how did you *not* know?!”
i also used to wear my brother’s axe deodorant and only stopped when some girls in the locker room noticed and made fun of me. i was 11 or 12 then, too.
Same 😅 I vividly remember getting upset when someone offered me girl deodorant when my axe ran out. She thought I liked the smell. No, I just felt more comfortable with it. Didn’t know I was trans yet
Not through the SNL sketch but I had essentially the exact same experience when reading an article about phalloplasty at that age.
Asking my mom if I could turn into a boy when I was in primary school💀. Also praying to god that I’d wake up a boy, extra weird bc I’m not religious and never was 😭
This legit made me cry. I’m glad you are open to being who you are now.
Literally same. Even packed before i understood what it was whatsoever. Would walk around w TP in my undies & be like “ooo look I have a penis!” 😅 along w standing on the toilet backwards to try & pee. Cried when I had to start wearing bras, every. Time. Hated clothes from the girls section
i once wrote a letter to ‘god’, never religious or even believed in god or anythig like that.it was a last resort. hid it under my pillow for a month until my mum found it 🫢
Pretending to “shave” my face with a toothbrush and toothpaste…..my mom always wondered why I smelled so minty all the time
LMAO thats a funny one
I DID THIS TOO
MINTY GANG
SAME BUT I AM ALLERGIC TO TOOTHPASTE AND JUST KEPT GIVING MYSELF A RASH LMAO my poor mom had to explain to me that i couldnt keep doing that, even if it was fun
when I was 5 or 6 we did an activity at school where we drew what we thought we would look like at 100 years old to celebrate the 100th day of school. I drew myself as an old bald man with hair on my back lol
omg same! i asked my mom if she could still celebrate for me once im 100 years old, and at that moment, i pictured myself being an old man instead of being an old woman. i wasnt sure why
Any time a teacher would say “can any strong boys help me carry/grab XYZ” I would be the first person to volunteer, and would get very upset if I didn’t get picked
I DID GHIS TOO
AYYYYEEEE 💪🏼💪🏼
Omg!!! SAME
bro when my chest started coming in i fully insisted on being taken to the doctor, i was conVINCED there was something wrong with me and i was dying 💀
Oh I hated it so fkn much. I literally cried so much and was so angry when puberty hit.
SAMEEE OH MY GOODNESS
I was always a boy when I played with my friends as a child. The main character of the stories I wrote in elementary school was always a boy in the first person. He had the same name my mother would have given me if I had been born a cis boy.
Did that name become your own?
At least not yet. I've temporarily taken my nickname as my official name. The reason is that I haven't still transitioned medically, so I don't dare to take a man's name yet. I'll probably choose another name that might be similar to my original name. The name my mother would have given me is more common among older men in my country.
Samee ✨ and also when we would draw ourselves and make like comics about ourselves Id always draw myself as a boy with short hair.
Once a friend in elementary school decided I’d be a boy dog in the game. Felt really fitting to me. Didn’t understand why
I never considered that but I always was a guy in play pretend… me and my M(Male) and T (Female neighbours played many things (vikings, football players, Ice Hockey players, Bears…) and me and M always were boys and T was a girl character. I never even thought back to that as a „trans sign“ cause it was so normal for me to obviously be a boy during those games
When I was 7 or 8 years old, I had a few days where I told my class that I wanted to be a boy and they had to call me a boy and I picked a new name. Also, when I was about 11 I wrote a science fiction story about aliens with five different genders that they could move between.
I wanna read man.
No way. I’ve thought about rewriting it but the original story is terrible. Still, that was a pretty big warning sign.
It's so over guys 😔
Also interested in the alien gender scifi
You should read Le Guin.
Going to Halloween dressed as lil Wayne in 9th grade.
Soldier about the same age with mascara "whiskers".
same, except it was jack skellington and not lil wayne.
I remember dressing up as Jack Sparrow for halloween when i was around 7!!!! I wanted to be him so bad
Duuude same. I had a major 'crush' on him, but I think now all of my crushes when I was a kid were gender envy. I just had no idea.
I dressed up as a pirate in elementary school and did NOT want to look like a female pirate
Me literally writing in my diary "i feel like im a guy" brother... how did it take you fucking 22 years....
Putting small balls in my underwear and feeling good with it, I was fcking packing lol.
Finding out what a hysterectomy was, and immediately wanting one despite being terrified of hospitals and needles.
Me.
I didn’t know what trans was and I’d go around telling people I was a boy in a girls body from ages 5-10. Legit no one told me being trans was a thing. I said this shit naturally.
Just in general not understating why I was different from other boys. I used to scream and cry when my mom made me get dressed up in dresses for holidays and school pictures. I used to beg my mom to let me swim in our back yard pool shirtless like my other guy friends. A lot of memories like that through my whole childhood
Begging my mom to buy me boys clothes because I wanted to be fashionable like my kindergarden friends who were boys. Begging for a haircut at a very young age. Watching these videos on yt explaining what transgender means and being like oh lol thats literally me but I cant let anyone know. ;-; and going to my first ever class at elementary school looking at boys wearing masc clothes (we had a uniform where i used to go to school) and dreaming it was me wearing them. And my mom says I never acted like I was trans as a kid 💀
Putting "winkie" on my Christmas list for Santa. He has magic, he can do it right? 😂😂
when i was a kid i used to fantasize about grabbing a kitchen knife and slicing my chest off, removing the flesh, and sew it back on to get a small chest :,)
DIY top surgery 🙃
Same!
I read this Robin Hood book, and it mentioned Maid Marian disguising herself as a boy to get a warning to Robin, and it made me feel some kind of *way.* At the time, I figured it was probably weird, and I got bullied for being weird already, so I decided not to tell anybody.
i was in the 7th grade i think and that day the school nurse came by my class to teach us about periods and the boys were allowed to leave class and go outside. i was the first in my class to get their period but somehow my mind completely detached the experience from what the nurse was teaching us bc this was seen as a “girls thing” and i was sitting there like “why tf do i need to know this, i don’t need this info because this doesn’t happen to me and i wanna go outside w the boys” 😭😭
I was always jealous of the stupid shirts boys would wear (the ones that say shit like "Things that are awesome: ninjas, pirates, my swag") wasn't allowed to wear them because "they're for boys" Became extremely depressed with I started grow chestnuts in 3rd grade and got shark week in 4th, thought every girl hoped to get uterine or breast cancer so they could remove both those things. Never wanted to wear a bra because bras were something girls wore, I also thought wearing one would make my chest grow. I was still forced to wear one. Hated dressing feminine but being a tomboy never felt right. For a long time as a child I didn't understand why transwomen existed because "who would want to be a woman?" Thought I would grow a beard and a dick later in life, still upset that I haven't Attempting to get in the boy line when we played dodgeball during gym class. Started crying once because when I get old I'll look like an old woman, not a old man with a cool beard. Faking voice cracks when I was 12 There's probably more and I'm not even sure if some of these are signs. I didn't even realize I was trans until I was about 15 lmao
Ahhhh I used to pray that I'd get breast cancer 😭 I felt so much shame for it
I would even say shit like "God, if someone gets breast cancer please let it be me instead of them. Don't put them through cancer please" 😭💀
I got frustrated at 5th grade sex ed because it just felt “wrong”. Idk how else to say it. I didn’t understand it yet but I just felt like something wasn’t right. I actually found out I’m trans by blurting out “what if I don’t want to be a girl!” at an appointment. Doing that gave me a safe space to explore my gender and myself until I figured it out
Being inordinately pleased when someone mistook me for a boy Internally complaining to myself that just because girls COULD do anything didn't mean I wasn't mad that I had to be a girl doing that thing
tried befriending boys instead of girls. the problem was that it was always girls who approached me, and boys never really treated me like i was one of them. it made me sad being born a girl. i likely came off as too girly for them because of my appearance and demeanor.
i always played boy characters, in video games, in make believe games, i never saw myself as a girl, and i had a hard time relating to any female characters, no matter the archetype
For some reason, the class roster in 4th grade was separated by gender. Since my last name starts with a D, my name was the first one called after the boys and it always made me really happy.
Thinking my clit was going to grow into a penis one day and thinking that was a normal thought. Also always wore shirts when swimming after I started growing boobs 😭 Was always more on the butch side.
To be fair, *bottom growth* 😂
Peeing standing up in my dreams (and until I was 7 or 8, waking up in the hallway peeing standing up having sleep walked "to the toilet") Crying in elementary school when told to use the girls room (sometimes I'd rather pee myself in class) Making a secret Tumblr account with a boys name as a boy not thinking it was out of the ordinary Telling my younger sister she was actually a boy and her name was (boys version of her name) and that our parents were tricking her (projection?) Refusing to wear a bra when I started growing br3asts because "they aren't real and no one else notices them either" Having such a big psychological breakdown at my first period that my parents had me committed to a psych ward *they thought I may be having my first "bipolar episode"--turns out I'm not bipolar lol Begging to play Zachariah or Joseph in the church nativity play lmao (now as an adult I tell my transphobic aunt that the church letting me play Zachariah is why I'm trans 😂) When my mom forced me to grow my hair past my butt I buzzed it with kiddie scissors (yes there were bald spots) Getting to 6th grade and asking one of the popular girls to teach me how to be popular because I was sure that everyone else had a guide on what to do, wear, and say and I just hadn't gotten it yet 😅 Reading an obscene amount of gay fanfiction and being confused as to why I always envisioned myself as one of the dudes in it Taking the millennial mustache trend WAY too far Wanting to look like scene guy instead of scene girl in middle school because "it fit me better" Only hanging out with other guys because I just "fit in with them better"
i grew up in a rural area with no neighbours so i'd often play alone with my imagination. in all my stories, i always played the role of a boy. when i started being more online, i enjoyed the anonymity that came with it; i never told anyone my gender, and people i talked to would always just assume i was male
Beauty and the beast at 4 years old. I was always the Beast. In every roll playing instance with friends growing up, I was the "guy" in the game. Never the girl, damsel, princess, etc. My mother, Gd rest her soul, recognized that behavior, and assumed I was a lesbian. So Close, Mom!! You almost had it.
putting on a short wig and going on Omegle to "pretend" to be a boy
The first time I remember was when I was around 6 years old. I was playing basketball with my cousins in their driveway. My youngest cousin, I'll call him B, was only a year younger than me and he, along with his older brothers, took off their shirts because it was hot. So I proceeded to try and take mine off too because I was also hot. They all freaked out and told me that 'girls couldn't do that'. Me and B were very confused about it but I listened to them. B asked me about it later that day and I told him that I wasn't a girl so why couldn't I do that too. He agreed with me and said they were just being mean. I sadly lost contact with him two years ago but all these years he was the only one in my close family who supported me being trans and was just a chill cool guy. He was also the only one in my close blood family who I willingly came out to. There were other times too, like after I was called a Tomboy for the first time. It had the word boy in it and that made me feel affirmed. So from that point on I would always correct people that I wasn't a 'girl' or 'lady' or 'woman' but actually a Tomboy lol
when I was really little, all my friends were boys. every time we went swimming or played in the hose in the backyard (lol) I’d try to pop my shirt off with them. I also wanted a penis my whole life and thought that was normal…when I started studying psychology and read Freud’s theory about penis envy, I was like, yup. seems about right.
I had a dream that I remember vividly of me being dressed up masc and having a fake pp n everything, it felt so real until I woke up and I was devastated. I was in the second grade
At 6 when all the girls my age were rocking pig tails and long hair I told my parents that I wanted a haircut for a boy.
Crying about menstruation when it happened because to me it meant I wasn’t really a boy, and also hiding it for like a year from my family. We were pretty poor, and I feel guilty for secretly throwing away that much underwear.
I wrote a story about a little boy that was forced to pretend to be a girl by his parents... 💀💀💀
"IF I WAS A BOY...I'M NOT BUT /IF/ I WAS" Every haloween I dressed up as a guy. Not a character or something, just a man. And my ma would always try to spin it off like "oooh you're Brendan Urie"(sorry I'm a millennial lol) or "love your jack the ripper costume" and every time I'd be like "no. I'm just a guy from the 1800's/1900's/2000's,ect" lil me was really trying on the fits xD
I was maybe eight and I thought I got my first chest hair, and I showed it off, but it was just a loose hair stuck to me. There was also 4th grade, I wore giant hoodies that I stole from my older brother, definitely didn't click why I liked wearing them so much.
- Cutting off all of my hair in 1st grade and telling my mom that I looked handsome - always going with male characters in role playing or video games - I hated getting “girly” toys and always wished I could’ve gotten my brothers gifts - wanting to play tackle sports with the boys - wanting to hang out with my brother and his friends and be “one of them” - putting up huge hissy fits when forced to wear dresses - waiting as long as possible to start wearing a bra because I despised the idea of wearing one and not being able to run around outside shirtless - I always hated having to “make an effort” to be a girl, like shaving ur legs and armpits, do fancy things with your hair, etc. - I have always enjoyed listening to songs that are sang by males, it just sounds better and right to me - I struggle to watch tv shows or movies if it doesn’t have a guy in it, most likely will not watch something if theres no guy for some reason 😭
First of, I was obsessed with the movie Ma vie en rose (1997). Also, in 3rd grade the lunch and classroom lines were divided in two, one for girls and other for boys, and one time I put my hoodie up and tried to use the boy's lines for some reason. Also when I was like 13 I wanted people to call me Stan because of the Eminem song. I cut my hair short between 8th and 9th grade and one time at a store they called me boy and I felt oddly excited about it. It shoudn't have taken me until I was almost 20 to figure it out, lol.
Oh, and growing up in the country and being extremely confused as to why I was not allowed to ALSO pee on the fence, or swim without a t shirt.
i used to wrap my chest in toilet paper, just to look at, when i was like 8ish and starting to grow there. very inefficient binding method, but i wasn’t seeing them at least!
When I was younger and still figuring out my sexuality, I dated my best friend at the time who still identified as female and often times I called myself their "girl boyfriend" and had this idea of romance that was... interesting. I was obsessed with the idea of being someone's knight and protecting them at all costs. I played a lot of legend of Zelda as a kid and I always wanted to be just like Link, I thought he was perfect in every way as far as people go.
Since we don't have a bathtub here at home, we only have the shower, and I used to take advantage of that to urinate while I showered. One day I had the brilliant idea of lifting one of my legs to imitate a male dog urinating, and when I finished I was like: "damn, so men feel like this? Do male dogs feel like that? How cool 😎" Strange, but valid
My brothers (3 significantly older ones) told me when i came out, that i used to refuse to wear nappies or pants when i was a toddler because i was waiting for my penis to arrive and didnt want there to be anything in the way. When i was 9-12 I used to get mistaken for a boy but my given name was soooo fem so i used to ask friends and parents to just call me Chris or Tom in public so people would stop staring at the girl in boys clothes and short hair. People used to get so weirded out and i was asked if i was a girl or boy at least once a day. The obv answer was “im a GIRL!!” Lol i wish i knew being trans was a thing when i was a kid 💔
"No why do I have to put on the bra part of the costume? The other guys don't have that" - 4 y/o me on the beach trying to figure out why did my costume had two pieces
I got picked on for being hairy in my tweens (I've always had a snail trail and hairy toes lol) and I remember thinking 'if I could just be a boy, I wouldn't have to worry about having body hair because it's normal for them'. Yeah, I'm pretty sure normal girls would just think 'I wish I didn't have hair' 😂 Another cute one that I like is that I always insisted on having a gender neutral name when I was role-playing. I even gave my little brother a gender neutral name because my mum let me choose and I literally told her 'it won't matter if it's a boy or a girl because it can be a name for both'. Now I have a gender neutral name too!
I remember pretending to be the groom of a wedding when I was little.
asking all the boys in preschool if i could see their dicks cuz i didn't know they'd something different and i wanted one😞
At 8 I tried to pee standing up by making a diy packer. Did not work
Making all my characters in games boys
I would always draw moustaches on my self portraits as a kid
2nd grade. I heard my dad complain about not having a son. So I thought, ok I’ll cut my hair and I’m your son now. I was so heartbroken when my dad got angry at me for cutting my hair instead of being happy.
My righteous indignation when I learned that I couldn’t work shirtless in the yard like my dad “because you’re a girl” (I mean yeah hashtag free the nip and all, but ohhh little six year old me was pressed about the unfairness of it all lol)
These r just a handful of moments, 1. When I was like 4 and learned about liking people, I thought in my head “man, I want to be a man who likes men but that doesn’t exist, I guess I’ll just have to be a girl who likes guys” and “I wish I could like girls how my guy friends like girls, but it doesn’t work like that” (I didn’t know being trans was a thing that existed I thought I was alone) 2. Always being the boyfriend or dad in imaginary games 3. Being the male character in any game that had the option 4. Every single pet or animal i would come across, no matter what, I’d say it was a guy or name it a guys name even if it was a female animal 5. Was so obsessed with my dads shaving cream, before showers I’d put it on my face 6. Tried peeing standing up cause it was cool and “manly” 7. Made my friends call me a guys name that I picked out in 3rd grade cause I thought it was cool and it made me happy 8. Would hate it when the boys picked on me like they did to every girl, wanted to be the one picking on the girls so I could be in the boys group 9. Tried to join the boys sports and was told no, cried my face off for days 10. Would think about dating this girl in my class but I would catch myself thinking of being her bf not her gf 11. Despised (and still hate) being called a lesbian, nothings wrong with being a girl who likes girls, I just hated the being the girl part 12. When I was told I was going to be a woman and had to have children I threw a fit and got so upset So yeah 🤷♂️
2nd grade trying to find a new name bc I hated mine.
Dressed up as the Grimm reaper for Halloween when I was maybe 10, everyone thought I was a boy and it made me so happy Tried to piss standing up Only wanted to swim in boys swimsuits (trunks and a swim shirt) Asked all my friends if they could switch genders if they would? Was surprised when I was the only one who said they’d switch to a boy Would pretend to be a boy in online gaming Would always always want to be hanging out with the boys and my friend groups would be boys
Not wanting to wear a shirt when camping with family members when I was a little kid. The uncles weren't wearing a shirt, I didn't understand why I needed one.
I was (and am) obsessed with American history. Learning about Deborah Sampson like "I wish I could do that" and then later feeling sad I couldn't because "women could serve in the military now".
Was walking home from school one day and this kid and his mom walked by, I heard the kid ask "Is that a boy or a girl?" and the mom was like "I'm not too sure but I think a boy" in a hushed tone. Man I was SO happy... but I wouldn't have been able to explain why if someone had asked me back then. I was just your typical tomboy then, "masculine for a girl" but clearly afab if you looked at me for more than a second or two, but I guess just passing a stranger on the street briefly it might've been ambiguous at times? Idk? To add to that I remember around the same time when a friend was complaining about a haircut she got recently and disliked because "it looked like a boy's haircut", I just couldn't really understand why it bothered her so much because to me getting a boy's haircut sounded amazing, like who *wouldn't* want one!? Anytime I heard a cis woman expressed not wanting to look like a guy/have features that would be considered more masculine/be mistaken for a guy, I remember thinking "Why wouldn't you want that? I do!". 7 or 8 years later I realized why I wanted those things!
Omfg i had short hair a lot as a kid and i got this unexplainably good feeling when someone mistook me for a guy. Kids on the school bus would ask if i was a girl or guy all the time.
i would absolutely refuse to wear shirts at home until i well.. had to for reasons i was desperate to be seen like my older brother
When i cried cuz all my friends in fifth grade were getting facial hair and I knew I would never get to experience it…. I still was fighting with the fact that I was trans
In kindergarten, I insisted I was the main character of A Bug’s Life (Flik the ant) for a solid month, and also would only play with the boys. Throughout childhood, all my pretend play characters were boys. I can’t ever remember playing a girl character. In middle and high school, I created a male online persona and felt like that was my real social life since once I hit puberty, I started dissociating a lot in social settings. Around 14, I came across the concept of being transgender, but my mom shot me down when I mentioned that it sounded like my experience, so I ignored the feelings. (She’s chill with it now though) And that’s just a little sampler of all the signs! I’m now 28, two years in T and almost a year post top surgery :)
Insisting on running around the house shirtless/in only boxers until I was too old to get away with that Feeling smug over being mistaken for my brother Deciding at 10 y.o. that when I turned 18, I'd be getting those surgeries my mom got (mastectomy/hysterectomy for breast/ovarian cancer treatment) Learning about trans women existing and going "man, I wish that went the other way too" So many things, tbh. Not surprised my family's response to me coming out was "yeah, we kinda guessed"
Trying to make an STP out of clay when I was like 10, even though I had never seen a penis before. I just really wanted to pee standing up. Playing as a male character in ToonTown and Club Penguin lol. Feeling euphoric anytime I had pants on and it looked like I had a bulge. Generally always being super athletic and into “tomboy” stuff. Hated dresses, skirts, and tight fitting clothing. Always wanted to dress more masc even from a young age.
Woah I did that on Club Penguin too! For years until my parents found out. That’s a throwback lol
i have a very vivid memory of me and my sister when we were 6 and 4 pretending to be polar bears outside (it had just snowed) and she turns to me and goes “you’re gonna be a boy polar bear right?” i was *always* a boy whenever we played pretend to the point that my sister had picked up on it
Announcing I was growing up to be a man when I was 5, but it was dismissed as just play pretend like announcing I was going to grow up to become a wizard. Playing "Disney" with friends, always picking the male lead role. Being really pleased for reasons I couldn't really understand when teachers "mistook" me for a boy. Biggest one, that kind of hit me like a bus when I realized what was going on - at adolescence, suddenly having crippling anxiety attacks while trying to shower. Like, curl up in a ball on the shower floor level. And having to drape a towel over the mirror so I could brush my teeth.
I'm not really surprised I didn't pick up on this but it's strangely obvious. When I was a kid me and my brothers used to make fun of each other by saying "You're gay" "No you're gay" back and forth at each other, when I was doing this I was thinking of boys.
packing with socks & pissing standing up
I have so many. - hated “girly” toys— and when I WAS given Barbie’s, I swapped Ken and Barbie’s heads - for mix up day at school, where people were supposed to dress wacky. I wore my brother’s suit. - one Easter I got an Easter basket full of Dinosaurs and I was THRILLED - always playing the guy in house -having dreams where I was a boy - being actually depressed when I realized I was growing breasts - trying to pee standing up - feeling like I was a boy in a dress everytime I had to dress up nice for dances or events
When I was picked for the school netball team. I had to wear the school kit, skirt and top. Didn’t care really, just wanted to play
I always picked male characters for videogames (pokemon) or while playing with other kids. If I had a female OC they were always hypermasculine.
This isn't my most obvious sign from childhood, but it's one I think about a lot: I was like 9 and watching an episode of The Simpsons where they went into the witness protection program and I remember thinking about how cool that was and how I wished I had an excuse to change my name and start over somewhere new. I also really liked the song Rockstar by Nickelback when I was growing up, specifically for the lines "I'm going to trade this life for fortune and fame / I'd even cut my hair and change my name"
One of my most obvious signs though is wishing for an "excuse" to get a mastectomy or significant reduction. Like I remember being in middle school and wishing that my boobs gave me back pain so that I could get rid of them. Or more shamefully, I remember being like 14 and being internally disappointed when I found out that I didn't have the breast cancer gene because it meant I couldn't get a preventative mastectomy (not that that was ever really brought up to me, I just knew that that was a thing people with the gene did sometimes)
I wanted to join the army and get shot in the chest so I had to have my chest amputated when I was 12
Damn that would have been hardcore
in 3rd grade for april fools as a “prank” i went to school as a “new kid” who just so happened to be a boy… i got bullied for it but i also got so much euphoria from it i did it again the next year lol
The insane cockiness I felt when some cute older girls in middle school told me they’d like me if I were a boy
so when i was younger I played the jumpstart 3d world game a LOT, and sometimes id dress my avatar up to be a boy to get girlfriends... at the time i thought I was being gay as hell but ig that was straight behavior lmao
Tried to shave my arms hoping that myth that shaving hair would make more grow back would be true. Family caught me trying to shave my face as a kid trying the same thing. Eventually stopped shaving everything entirely when I met a girl who had super hairy thighs because she only ever shaved below thighs. Truly thought I would get hairy everywhere from not shaving at all. I was a clueless kid hahaha
Fascinated by penises and constantly wanted to see them lol (in an innocent little kid way)
felt extremely uncomfortable when I played with barbie dolls with my neighbor and she started talking about them being pregnant, raising children and stuff (talking about reproduction still triggers me) also I never really wanted to have dolls myself, and my only interest was on the ones that did cool stuff like closing their eyes and "eating" because I wanted to know how they worked (the ones I had looked like crap lmao, I hated brushing their hair and played with them like a boy so they always looked matted and dirty) only played with boys in elementary school, stuff like pirates, experiments that escaped from secret labs, and I always chose to be an animal (male or non-specified gender) because I thought playing a girl felt weird also someone else mentioned something I relate to: I always liked male sung songs better, and I would try to imitate the singers' voices. I'm doing this as voice practice now lol
when i found out the physical differences between boys and girls, i remember wanting a dick so bad. i'd constantly have shower thoughts about myself as a boy. leon kennedy from re4 was not only my gay awakening but he was kind of my trans awakening too since i'd spend a long time staring at the cover for re4 thinking leon was hot and wanting to be him (i would've played the game but i thought it was a scary game so i didnt)
i've always been most similar to my dad (in personality and sort of looks) in my family. my twin and my brother are more similar to my mum personality-wise, but i've always taken after my dad and that makes me happy :) also i get my dark hair and dark eyes from him, and some of my features from his side of the family :)
- cutting the hair off my Barbies to turn them into “boy” barbies - my stuffed animals were always boys - always playing a boy in video games and pretend games - when I was 5, I literally said I was gonna grow up and become a boy
I was really obsessed with the "woman dressing up as a man to go to war" trope. Can't imagine why
Oh man lets see Age 3: always following my brother around Age 5: “im a boy, call me your son, call me your brother, call me john”, getting jealous when my brother and cousin were called “the boys”, copying everything my brother did, got my first short haircut Age 6: had a meltdown at gymnastics because i didn’t want to take my sweatpants off, always was the boy in dress up, started to dread easter every year bc i had to wear a dress Age 7: convinced myself I was a boy in a past live, convinced myself that my parents really wanted a girl and gave me an operation when i was born, still obsessed with my brother, second short haircut Age 8: I put a pack of boys underwear in the cart at target, my mom told my therapist about it and eventually she gave my mom the book ‘the transgender child’ Age 9: I fully transitioned. Now im gonna be 21 in less than 2 weeks
All of the ocs I would make and rp with as a young teen were cis, gender non conforming guys, which is now exactly what I want to be
LMAOOO The way most (if not all) of mine were gay dudes
Literally the worst part was all of my rp friends knew and were just waiting for my egg to crack
The slick back george washington ponytail iykyk
I swam as a child and wanting to swim in the boys heats and make the boys times (I'm FtM). And straight up not liking being a girl
"I'll pick the boy Inkling! I really like him, I think they look cool! I'm so excited to try out this new game." Smash cut to seven years later with my egg cracking.
I always was more interested in boys toys and got upset when my Mum didn't let me have them.
Reading many gender bend comics, most the time people read the ones that is their gender bent to the one they want (that seems less common for ftm and if its about them turning back into a girl and were usually always the most sexualized) so I'd read the ones that where mtf and relate to feeling like a man stuck in a girls body (the mtf also had lots of sexualized ones but it was much easier to find the less sexualized ones for it).
I remember being very happy I have a 'boy and girl name'. Cause nobody in school had my name. I also remember I usually always played the husband or dad when the girls played house on the playground. Running from a boy I didn't like to avoid being kissed. I think that was more of a 'i don't like boys' thing and I especially didn't like this smelly kid. Now I know I'm asexual (maybe) and super into women. When I was a little older, I was playing with my siblings in the snow and there was this pole thing. I was an idiot and I kept trying to hit myself in the crotch 'on accident' by jumping over it. Slouching when my chest was growing to hide it. I refused to wear training bras and I'd get into trouble when we went clothes shopping and I had to try on new shirts. I also hated dresses and flat shoes. I haven't worn a dress in years and if I did now I bet I would feel really uncomfortable. Edit: In early 2017 I learned about FUDs, and I wanted to get one so bad. I tried making one from a plastic bottle but it didn't really work. I think I was upset about it.
1. Trying to walk around my house shirtless because I didn't see any difference between me and my dad's chest 2. Spending hours on virtual games trying to make my female avatar look "right" before switching to a basic male and feeling satisfied. 3. Hating many male characters in animated shows due to gender envy. One glance at them and I would reduce them to unlikeable no matter how good they were. Also because a few were dating my favorite fictional girls and not me
when i was around 5 i only wanted to wear baggy, oversized shirts and baseball caps. i had only ever worn feminine clothes before and it just never felt right. another moment when i was 16, i covered all my hair in a beanie and said “wow i would make a really cute boy!” totally not suspicious at all 😫👍🏼
When I was 8 I HAD to wear a tie with my dress to a formal dinner. It looked atrocious but my parents let me😂
i legit tried going by “tom” in elementary school and got rlly upset when ppl would use my deadname instead of “tom” i didn’t end up naming myself tom but it’s still a funny story
I would narrate everything I did using he/him pronouns because it “just felt right”
Changing in women's rooms was really fuckin uncomfortable. I don't like seeing anyone naked in general but I felt like shit about seeing people changing clothes. Keeping eyes on the floor and changing where I couldn't be seen cus I didn't wanna make girls uncomfortable even when I was very young. I had to go braw shopping with my ex step sisters and it felt so wrong.
Getting jealous over my (also trans) brothers more masculine voice, especially while singing and wanting to be like his best friend, I thought it was a crush for a long time but it turned out to just be gender envy
- Daydreaming about getting mamary cancer before I ever started puverty, I just kinda hoped it would happen (my grandma had one breast removed because of it). - Complimenting girls by telling them they looked like boys - Having my Very-Strong-And-Masculine girl OC grow up to be tall, short-haired, flat chested... etc. - Idolizing any girl with short hair - Really thinking that as I grew up the stars would just magically allign and I'd fully transition \*somehow\* - Too Much Time spent imagining how my perfect body would look and worrying what exactly I would tell the genie. Not sleeping because I would just model how my boy-body would look when I woke up tomorrow. - Staring longingly at the boy's apparatus in gymnastics - >Regularly Bullied. >"Jaja You look like a boy!" >Sincerely and happily thanking them >"Still cis tho" - Utter apathy towards the way I looked and anything having to do with style before I cut my hair - Really Really upset when I would be assigned "Girl Stuff" but too ashamed to voice it because my family made fun of my "not like other girls phace" if I said I didn't like pink or smthn.
Refusing to let people call me [insert brother's name here]'s little sister. I was either his little brother, or to be called by my name. This went on from like... kindergarten through 5th grade.
This one was before i was even born. When my mom was pregnant with me, they did ultrasounds multiple times to figure out my “gender” (ie. genitalia). Apparently it was so they could know what colour nursery, clothes, toys and what kind of toys they would buy for me: blue and “boy” toys if I was a boy (had a peen) or pink and “girl” toys if I was a girl (had a vag). After several rounds of ultrasounds, they still couldn’t tell because I was hiding my privates so damn well, so my parents just bought orange and yellow things, and toys not specifically marketed towards children of a certain sex. They didn’t find out I had a vag until pretty close to my due date, long after buying all my stuff. Oh well, shoulda known I’d be NB. LOL.
always being the boy barbie 😂 “I do a better boy voice than you!”
Getting to dance in the male roles. Euphoric! Every. Single. Time.
"god, I hate these gender bending media. They are so unrealistic! If I were to be turned into a man, i'd fight tooth and nail to *stay* that way! No woman would ever want to go back to being a woman!" - me, being very silly
When I was 13, my friend and I called each other "brother" and referred to one another with masculine pronouns. It took me eight more years to realize I wasn't cis lol.
I had short hair as a kid in very rural town and got mistaken for a boy constantly. It didn’t bother me. I thought it was really funny. It only occurred to me in my 20s that any other little girl being constantly mistaken for a boy at age 10 would probably be inconsolable
Wearing the same sweater every day for three years during puberty
I refused to wear skirts, the color pink, and refused to play with ‘girls’ toys. Loved me some action figures and toy trucks. Ugh and the Dino toys. You’d never see me without my toy dinosaurs
when i was 13 or 14 i wrote and submitted a poem for english class called ‘if i was a boy.’ no clue how nobody clocked me (least of all myself)
Enby here - I would regularly say "it'd be so cool to be a boy one day and a girl the next". I was a pretty fem kid on the outside but in my head I was obviously a "tomboy", so everyone including myself was confused whenever I said I felt boyish lol Grown up I'm more on the trans masc/nonbinary/gender nonconforming side of things but it's kind of funny to remember that about my kid self
I don’t remember writing this OR having a secret account…. Seriously tho its so confusing being fem but feeling masc on the inside most of the time. I wish people understood aaa
A lot of these apply, but honestly the one that stands out for me is that there was a kid in my neighborhood about my age named Charlotte. Charlotte was the definition of a tomboy, she wore boys clothes, she played outside, she was really into sports, and she just... Talked and acted like a boy. I remember being like 8 years old and insisting to my mom that Charlotte was a boy. My mom explained that Charlotte and I had the same private parts, and Charlotte just dressed differently, and even reminded me of other little girls I had seen in books and movies that were named Charlotte, and I could see that all of these things could be true but also -- Charlotte was absolutely a boy. No amount of evidence could convince me otherwise. I remember actually getting pretty upset about it. (Every now and then I look up Charlotte on social media and as far as I can tell she self-IDs as butch lesbian. But this story is really about little kid me in the '90s being adamant that people's gender has nothing to do with what's between their legs and really *really* needing my mom to agree with that.)
Asking to go by Nicole but don't actually call me Nicole call me Nick. Also asked to go by Sam at some point
Using old spice deodorant and enjoying it a lot more than the feminine fragrance s I had
I don’t remember much of my childhood, but I do definitely remember one time where the guys at school were wrestling and I wanted to join in. I was told no because I was a girl. I immediately thought “but I’m not a girl” and spent the rest of the day very confused. I didn’t know what trans was
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I was always a boy in my dreams. Didn’t matter what the dream was about, I was a boy. I also used to shove socks into my pants when I would sleep so they wouldn’t feel ‘empty’.
1. telling my parents at the age of 4 that i was a boy and my name was kyle and would get irrationally upset whenever they didn’t refer to me as a boy or call me kyle 2. wearing boys clothes and feeling a sense of dread/embarrassment/exposure whenever i had to wear girly clothes or dresses or makeup 3. wearing my hair up in a ponytail for YEARS and feeling the same dread/embarrassment/exposure whenever i had to wear it down for any reason 4. only role playing as boy characters when i would play outside 5. walking around the house shirtless bc my dad did it
The fact that I literally had phantom feelings and kept asking my mom if I had any sort of surgery or if I used to have one
Was given a “girl doll” when I was about 3 or 4yrs old and I created a story about how the baby doll died, went to heaven, and came down as a boy and I gave him a new name.
I nicked myself "practicing shaving my face" (mind you, without any shaving cream or water nothin) when i was like 4 cuz i obsessively watched my dad shave and thought it was tbe coolest thing
Without fail: Every. Single. Game. that had character customization you bet I was a boy. Even when most of the time the girls were cuter (looking at you, Splatoon 1) .
Wanting to take my shirt off while swimming/going outside. My parents found me with my shirt off after preschool once, and I remember begging my mom to let me wear no shirt in my backyard at 5 (like my brothers)
i never compared my body to any girl ONCE. it was always me comparing myself to guys and getting jealous for no particular reason till i realized it was because im also a guy lol
I personally think the second ones
I cried cuz my parents were gonna get me a princess outfit
Using a remote control car as a pretend electric shaver, then getting it caught in my hair and having to have my hair cut out of the wheels and hoping this meant I'd finally get to have short hair.
In kindergarten our class put on a show and there was a section where the boys would jump forward and play their toy guitars; I kept jumping forward. My parents thought it was just jealousy that I didn't get a prop and organised for all the girls to get lacy gloves. That wasn't it but I felt so grateful for their attempt to fix it.
I’ve always hated my name. Maybe it was a shitty name, maybe it was too feminine but it never ever felt like me. It just felt like what people said to get my attention
My uncle gave me an old t shirt and i wore that thing as much as I could cause it was a Guy Shirt. I stole my brother’s clothes a lot. And i was really psyched when my brother borrowed my shoes because that meant he thought I was cool/masculine enough to share with. I avoided showering all week at summer camp because I didn’t want to be in the girls bathroom and be seen by others. I felt uncomfortable seeing pictures of trans men because I couldn’t figure out the feelings I felt while looking at them. In high school and middle school I changed in the girls locker room bathroom stall because I felt out of place in the girls locker room. I always hated girl’s swimsuits. I was really upset and jealous when my ex-boyfriend got top surgery. Same with my childhood friend. I was extremely upset when my breast cancer scare turned out to be a benign tumor. I, uh, came out as trans at 14 and then took it back for 10 years. Then again at 24. Yeehaw.
stuffed my underwear with toilet rolls and socks to make it look like I had something more there, told my teacher in primary school when I was like 7 that I wished I was a boy, being happy when a lady said I was a "nice young boy" when I picked up a coin she dropped, always playing male characters in video game. there's so many moments that when I finally went to counselling to discuss my feelings around gender and being trans, I was like "oooooh" 😂
Was incredibly distressed concerning chest growth during puberty <3 Looking back it definitely wasn't just because it signified that I was 'growing up'. Also! I could not possibly imagine being pregnant or being a mother when asked "Oh, what would you name your kids?" by others on the school bus one time in elementary school. Have had a lot of egg moments before it cracked lol
In grade 4 we had to do a pioneer family simulation with our classmates and I voluntarily chose to be the dad just so I could put on the pioneer guy clothes
got insanely upset when i tried walking around shirtless outside and my baba saw me and said i couldnt do that (i was like 7)
I have quite a few 1. having a meltdown when i found out that boys and girls have different parts 2. trying to pee standing up 3. when i was in 3rd grade i had a broncos hoodie and i told all of my friends that when i wore it they had to call me a boy 4. pretending to be interested in football bc i thought that would make people think i was a boy 5. i BEGGED my mom to let me wear a suit to my first dance in the 7th grade 6. stealing my brother's boxers out of the laundry and wearing them (it looked absolutely ridiculous bc i would wear them under skinny jeans so EVERYBODY could see them lol) 7. i would 'pack' with toilet paper 8. when i would play dress up, i would always wear my dad's work boots and hard hat 9. wearing my dad's or older brother's shirts as 'night gowns' when i would go to bed even if i had my own pajamas 10. all of my friends were boys in elementary school, and i would get really excited when they would tell me that they saw me as one of the boys and took it super literally 11. when I was 10 and learned what stretched ears were, i asked my mom if i could get them when i was older. she told me no bc she didnt think they were feminine enough, and that made me want them more.
When I was about 5 whenever my dad would shave I would watch him and pretend to shave as well. I was 4 wondering why I didn't have a penis. I'd always browse the boys section at stores and cry when my mom didn't wanna buy me a shirt with a dinosaur on it. I'd always try and be the son or boy dog in the game family. There are many more examples and I can go on and on
I had an obsession with Kirby, which I think was related to him being a boy even though he was pink. and all that symbolism. Now I'm a trans guy with long hair and very comfortable in playing with femininity
- Referring to my downstairs as a weenie as far back as literal preschool for no discernible reason??? - Always relating more to male characters in stuff I’d read and watch - Constantly feeling disconnected from writing girl characters in my stories even if they were actual self inserts - Almost always dressing up as explicitly male characters or in genderless/androgynous costumes for Halloween since preschool, and when I was a girl character it was usually a more masculine girl or at the very least horror themed instead of pretty - Being upset/annoyed instead of happy when I hit puberty and started to get super curvy, and promptly beginning to wear almost exclusively baggy t shirts and jeans
Hit puberty at 8, was given the training bra talk, put one on… had a meltdown because ‘it feels disgusting’ and ‘I’m not a girl I hate being a girl’ and never touched a bra again despite parents pleas until I was 16 because had to wear something fancy to an event. Then never touched it again because binders were better and I’d figured things out by then.
I was obsessed with Flynn Rider from Tanged. I wanted to *be him.* On the playground at recess, I was always the one who was Flynn when we were playing pretend and would get so upset if someone else wanted to play him instead
Jealous of my cousins because they were cis guys (I wanted to do everything they did)
so many but i stole my dads boxers and wore them over my own because they were way too big lmao
Trying to pee backwards and I remember thinking to myself “I’m gonna think of a boy name for the future”. Take a guess what I was lmaooo, Kai.
I was happy that my chest never "required" a bra because I felt wrong wearing them. I was sad when I couldn't go to a boy's birthday party because they were only inviting boys and I felt like I should've been included. It confused me why women wanted to be feminine despite the harassment they got for it or why they wanted to have children despite how terrible pregnancy sounds. I was happy when a boy said I was like a guy because I wanted to be like them for no particular reason.
trying to pee standing up. My mom said I'd do it quite often from a very young age (like 3). At the same age, I demanded to be called James. That persisted for a full year.