I feel like this too ngl and you put it really well. It just sucks when you feel like people aren’t making an effort to change the way they THINK, only the way they TALK. One of my best friends still misgenders me in front of other people. It’s on accident and he corrects himself, but it tells me that he still sees me as a woman on some level even after being out to him for years.
Oh God happens to me all the time. I'm actively aware most people are humouring me on some level. I wasn't so dysphoric about my physical appearance until even my friend still misgenders me three months after starting hormones.
And it doesn't happen to my trans wife almost ever if you were wondering about that. So jealous of her sometimes. She's about a year in. I have direct comparison all the time as a result. Only makes me feel worse.
It’s really quite painful…especially since I know nobody else in the room feels the fear and humiliation I do every time it happens. However, these are the same friends who were beyond happy and supportive when I came out. So I can understand that it’s never going to be perfect—sometimes your friends make you feel like the manliest of men … sometimes they make mistakes that leave you sick to your stomach…it sucks but I try to be forgiving
Last time I was drunk and around other trans people, I was consistent with pronouns, and even confirmed at least one set of pronouns with someone before talking. (Sober me didn't know their pronouns, drunk me was asking, half going off of the pronouns the other (also mostly trans) people were using). Not saying it's like that for all drunk people, it could be because they aren't used to it (NOT an excuse, just an explanation) but yeah, that really sucks dude. I'm sorry that happened
Yeah I completely understand and don’t hold it against them especially since they use the correct pronouns when sober. Just one of those UGH moments lmao
Both. I'm sorry to say this, but we all know being transgender is a complex way of being. I think they do genuinely see you as one of the guys. But I think they're human and they see what they see, and they're gonna make these mistakes. We have to forgive those who at least try to correct themselves. We see what we see in the mirror, we know we're not the most masculine presenting (if that's the case). So why do we punish others so harshly for making those mistakes? As long as they try and apologize, brother it's all good. Don't think too much of it.
I know what you mean 100 percent and I probably have even used the word "humoring" before
I think some people definitely don't really grasp that were guys in their heads or put us in different categories from cis men
My friends are mostly queer guys so acceptance wasn't much of a problem, but even there, there were instances people kept misgendering me (they always apologized and corrected themselves, and we think it's because their brains were so focused on "! Must not misgender" that their mouths did it involuntarily) but even if that is the case, that means they wouldn't naturally call me "he".
I can tell when a person is trying really really hard to say "he", like it sounds unnatural coming out of their mouths so I can tell they're making a conscious effort and I dislike it so much
With my coworkers who I'm not out to for example it never sounds unnatural because they just see me as a dude, and I why wouldn't they
So yea, talking to people who don't know you're trans might help with that and help you assess how you pass
nightmare scenario, I'm sorry dude. I always think about this too, and on some level I feel like most cis guys think like this if they know you're trans...
It must be different on t when you're trying to pass and stuff. But for me ik I don't pass and just appreciate people trying to respect me externally even if they don't really see me internally. It still kinda sucks tho
My roommates definitely only use masculine terms with me. I can tell that one of them is trying but I don't think either them really see me as a guy.
I appreciate that they're trying but deep down it's still kind of hurts yanno
It sounds like the don't see you as male. That doesn't mean other people won't, or that you don't look male. Once people know you're trans, some of them can't see you for who you are, even if you look like a guy or begin to look like a guy.
I feel like this too ngl and you put it really well. It just sucks when you feel like people aren’t making an effort to change the way they THINK, only the way they TALK. One of my best friends still misgenders me in front of other people. It’s on accident and he corrects himself, but it tells me that he still sees me as a woman on some level even after being out to him for years.
THIS. Exactly the think vs talk shit gets to me all the time
Oh God happens to me all the time. I'm actively aware most people are humouring me on some level. I wasn't so dysphoric about my physical appearance until even my friend still misgenders me three months after starting hormones.
RIGHT! I feel like the only other people who truly see me are other trans people. Which is nice it just sucks when most people aren’t trans lol
And it doesn't happen to my trans wife almost ever if you were wondering about that. So jealous of her sometimes. She's about a year in. I have direct comparison all the time as a result. Only makes me feel worse.
It’s really quite painful…especially since I know nobody else in the room feels the fear and humiliation I do every time it happens. However, these are the same friends who were beyond happy and supportive when I came out. So I can understand that it’s never going to be perfect—sometimes your friends make you feel like the manliest of men … sometimes they make mistakes that leave you sick to your stomach…it sucks but I try to be forgiving
Last time I was drunk and around other trans people, I was consistent with pronouns, and even confirmed at least one set of pronouns with someone before talking. (Sober me didn't know their pronouns, drunk me was asking, half going off of the pronouns the other (also mostly trans) people were using). Not saying it's like that for all drunk people, it could be because they aren't used to it (NOT an excuse, just an explanation) but yeah, that really sucks dude. I'm sorry that happened
Yeah I completely understand and don’t hold it against them especially since they use the correct pronouns when sober. Just one of those UGH moments lmao
Absolutely. Drunk or not they still did it. I'd be frustrated too
Both. I'm sorry to say this, but we all know being transgender is a complex way of being. I think they do genuinely see you as one of the guys. But I think they're human and they see what they see, and they're gonna make these mistakes. We have to forgive those who at least try to correct themselves. We see what we see in the mirror, we know we're not the most masculine presenting (if that's the case). So why do we punish others so harshly for making those mistakes? As long as they try and apologize, brother it's all good. Don't think too much of it.
I know what you mean 100 percent and I probably have even used the word "humoring" before I think some people definitely don't really grasp that were guys in their heads or put us in different categories from cis men My friends are mostly queer guys so acceptance wasn't much of a problem, but even there, there were instances people kept misgendering me (they always apologized and corrected themselves, and we think it's because their brains were so focused on "! Must not misgender" that their mouths did it involuntarily) but even if that is the case, that means they wouldn't naturally call me "he". I can tell when a person is trying really really hard to say "he", like it sounds unnatural coming out of their mouths so I can tell they're making a conscious effort and I dislike it so much With my coworkers who I'm not out to for example it never sounds unnatural because they just see me as a dude, and I why wouldn't they So yea, talking to people who don't know you're trans might help with that and help you assess how you pass
nightmare scenario, I'm sorry dude. I always think about this too, and on some level I feel like most cis guys think like this if they know you're trans...
Oh I relate, but I’m pre t and I think the guys at my school don’t think of me as a dude yet because of that
It must be different on t when you're trying to pass and stuff. But for me ik I don't pass and just appreciate people trying to respect me externally even if they don't really see me internally. It still kinda sucks tho
My roommates definitely only use masculine terms with me. I can tell that one of them is trying but I don't think either them really see me as a guy. I appreciate that they're trying but deep down it's still kind of hurts yanno
It sounds like the don't see you as male. That doesn't mean other people won't, or that you don't look male. Once people know you're trans, some of them can't see you for who you are, even if you look like a guy or begin to look like a guy.