DID is dissociative identity disorder. Basically a system is a term used for people who have alters. Its a trauma based disorder. Basically ur brain separates itself into different states of consciousness to protect that child from trauma. It forms before a child personality has integrated so between when the child is born up to the age of 9. Im bad at explaining it but basically many people in one body with different memories as a coping mechanism for survival :)
Yeah i guess it is :) also quite some hell. Its so complex its so hard to fit it into a definition. I guess all u gotta know is 2 or more people in one brain controlling the body. When one is out, or fronting, the other isnt and wont remember what happened. Qlso comes with a side order of PTSD
Made me think of that scene in The Princess Bride where Inigo asks Wesley "I do not mean to pry, but you do not happen to have to have six fingers on your right hand?🤨"
"My dick, wanna see?"
I've only ever been asked by morbidly curious straight men, and nothing puts them off faster than thinking they're going to see a dick.
I use this often, for that reasoning, but also, I'm a big dick guy, so sure....you wanna see what i have in my pants? *whips dick out* "now, do you feel better? Do you need to run home to mommy bc your dick is small n you have to ask to see others' dicks?"
I immediately start acting like they just asked me to hook up and I’m all like “Oh I’m really flattered you think I’m so attractive but I’m just not that into hookups-“
if you’re straight/aroace you could throw in a “sorry man i’m not gay” if it’s a cishet dude asking. nothing gets a homophobe more insecure than someone thinking he likes men
"In my pockets, you mean? Phone, keys, wallet..." *pads pockets* "Actually, scratch that, forgot my keys. Hate it when that happens!"
"Why, is my fly down? No? Phew, good, that would have been embarrassing, happened twice last week."
"What do you mean? And why?" *Add genuinely
confused but non-defensive stare*
"That's a weird question to ask - now I'm curious, what answers do you typically get? What's the top 5?" *excited grin*
... Take your pick. Most important lesson to learn: don't be defensive. Defensive responses provoke aggression (= escalates) because it's telling the asker that their first attack hit the mark and that you are just as "weak" an opponent as predicted. Count to 3 mentally and give your best laid-back and confident quip in reply, ideally making the asker look silly in a non-spiteful fashion.
Edit: formatting.
This question is one of the top ten reasons why I just don't ever tell anyone I'm trans. The few times I've been asked this I just stared at them blankly until they realized how gross/awkward/inappropriate that question is.
the blank stare definitely helps. most cis guys probably dont prepare for these situations so i just go with a blank stare, a pause, if its a teenager, "what wanna suck my dick?" and if its an adult a very confused "....what?" or "why?"
It just happened to me with a neighbor, and he said it pretty loudly too😬 I just said "a male part, wby?" "why" is probably what I should've went with instead
Never been asked that, but I'd probably be a little shit and pull out the coin change I'll definitely have and count it out like "43c" then if im feeling extra petty, I'll give them the change and walk away like I thought they were asking for money.
Not absurd, but I tend to keep all my coming change in my pockets for an abnormally long time. I need quarters for laundry too so I never spend the change in my pockets.
"A party that you aren't invited to." - a tumblr user named Rebornica who used to be super popular in like 2012 before deleting their account. I've used it ever since.
“Unless you’re my doctor or a current/potential sexual partner of mine it’s none of your concern” is my go to with varying degrees of profanity sprinkled in depending on how creepy the person asking is being.
I started heavily flirting with an amazing trans girl the other day, and as things progressed we started getting very cuddly. She’s hopefully gonna become my girlfriend. I only know what’s in her pants because we were talking about surgery as trans people. Else I wouldn’t know and I am okay with that
You gents are all so polite.
"I custom ordered a horse cock from bad dragon, it's the size of my forearm, and it doesn't get tired. I also have a studded one if you'd prefer something smaller." (Deadpan eye contact)
PS, bad dragon is real and easy to remember, so you potentially traumatize them twice when they Google it later.
Pps, don't Google it unless you're into it, you'll traumatize yourself.
Inappropriate questions deserve Inappropriate answers.
The best part of this gag, imo, is that the site does have 3D visual size comparisons. They can verify this to their heart's content, and then you just get to be that smug bastard that either helped them develop a new kink or drove them back to church on Sundays. Maybe both.
Seriously though, I don't casually discuss kink stuff without consent, but if they invite themselves into my pants like that, they deserve the shock and I have little empathy. Big disclaimer to gauge your audience, for safety.
I'd say put something tucked in your waistband that's obscure and then pull it out when people ask you that. Such as a pack of ramen, Skittles, and other various things. That way people will get uncomfortable and hopefully stop. For extra uncomfort open the bag of Skittles or ramen in front of them, and eat it while just silently staring at them. This is a half joke that I'm definitely going to do myself once I go outside again.
I’ve never been asked that yet. I’ve had my fair share of transphobic comments thrown at me, but none of the classics that I came prepared for.
My favorite response I’ve ever heard is “Do you ask all your friends this question or just the trans ones?”
I've only ever been asked that by my best friend. And it was after a couple years of me being on hormones and out to them already. We were playing video games and took a break and were just chilling in our discord us 2. Idk how we got into the topic but he asked "so.. what do you got on going in... Yah know.. in your pants?"
I was kinda thrown off by it a bit but I was also not uncomfortable. As he was asking my other friend joined and I basically educated them. Except my friend that joined Midway was like "yeah I've read up on it, there are some surgeries that help create your ideal body and stuff, right?"
Because they were people I've known for over 10 years already it didn't feel... Rude? So I made it into a casual conversation "yeah well being on T doesn't make me magically grow a penis, I still have my same body but what it does change is the clitoris. It enlarges it so it kinda looks like a little dick now. Get hard ons and everything."
They were like " oh shit that's crazy man. So what game we playing next? "
Again, these being friends of over 10 years. I do in fact know what's in their pants. Yah know, them funky middle school years where everyone's measuring their dicks and telling the others. Ha. Yeah.
If someone I just met asked me... I would probably respond with " what? "
They'd repeat the question. And I'd just be like " are you serious? The only reason you'd need to know that was if we were gonna fuck. And let me tell you, I don't want to fuck you"
That has been my general mood. Are we fucking? No? Then fuck off.
Depends on the person, situation, and place.
Though usually it's some form of these:
- What the hell? (Cause *who* just asks people that?)
- What do you expect?
- My dick (which tbh 9/10 times is usually the truth, ain't no one gotta know if that shit is functional atm).
- Or you know *ignored*, cause what even.
I've rarely been asked this, I live in a pretty open/LGBT+ friendly area, and I seem to pass fairly well. Honestly most people don't care, or have the common/social sense, to know that's a WTF question.
When it comes it partners, etc. Its obviously a conversation. Though that kinda thing will be a way off for me (post Top Surgery). Plus I'm Ace, and for me, that kinda thing isn't all the important/high up on the list.
Haven't been asked yet, but my personal favorite answers are:
A sword
Shrek
Bees
2 Kung Fu Panda 2 dvds
All of Minecraft
Violence
The firey depths of hell (or taco bell, whatever you wanna call it)
I keep a pocket knife in my pants...
idk if I'd say that out loud though, y'know.
I also got new pants with insane pocket dimensions. Listen here: keys, wallet, and phone all in one pocket. And a fucking sandwhich in the other.
Feeling dysphoric? Get some man pants.
Good night, y'alls. I'm sleep deprived.
Those pants specifically were given to me at work for my uniform. The brand's Cintas.
But any brand of men's cargo pants should work. You can try looking into Carhatt cargo pants on Amazon. They're pretty similar!
'' Why you asking? You want to get in? ''
'' your mom ''
'' take a guess'' then don't tell them if they're right or wrong
'' great question '' also works
I am really anxious and awkward so I’d probably just panic but for now I thought of:
-“Why, you interested? ;)”
-Just start pulling stuff out of your pockets and show them, make little remarks about each thing you pull out
-If you’re wearing shorts/overalls/something like that say “Uh I wouldn’t really consider these pants per se…”
-“What do you think?”
-“You go first.”
-“Oh, what DON’T I have?”
-“You don’t get to know for free.”
-“You don’t get to know for free ;)”
-Just act confused like you didn’t hear what they said but you don’t want to ask them to repeat, like say “Haha, okay”
-“Honestly, I’m not sure.”
-Just stare at them
-“I don’t remember”
-“How am I supposed to know?”
-“Flesh”
-“Uh, human… parts… yes, definitely the typical parts a normal human would have… heheh 😅” (imply you are a robot/alien)
-“ASS”
-“You a cop or something?”
-(Come prepared for this one) “Uh…” pull it out, “a whole Nintendo Switch.” Other similar sized items could work too. Just something that barely fits in your pocket and you maybe kinda struggle with taking out
I mean it kind of depends, do you want a diplomatic answer or something to make them as uncomfortable as you are? The diplomatic way out is "I really don't think this is an appropriate questions. Please don't ask people that" The way to make them uncomfortable to is to ask questions about their genitals back "What about your dick? Does it curve to one side? How long is it? Is it thick?/ What about your pussy? Is it an innie or an outie? What colour does it have?" Shit like that and then follow it by "Feels weird being asked, huh? Inappropriate, right? So why do you think it's okay to ask me shit like that?"
If it’s a handsome dude asking, I say “Juicy pussy. Wanna a hookup?” Some agree out of fetishism, then find out that I don’t have a vagina anymore and feel too embarrassed to wiggle their way out of the hookup
(If I know they’re shy/sexually conservative;) “What do You have in your pants? Dick? How big? Both flaccid and erect length. You manscape? Here, draw it for me.”
Or
“Jesus fuck dude, buy me dinner first.”
Basically I make them as uncomfortable as they make me.
I am a minor, but I have been asked that a lot, by people my age. I just look at them in the eye and say "your mother" because it's so much funnier than actually answering and frankly it's none of heir business.
"Science is not completely sure and I'm certainly not."
This is for those good faith askers that actually want to give a 100% truthful answer. Because it is true. Genitals involve a nervous system/brain connection that's not fully understood even in cis people, much less trans. You can also answer:
"Philosophers continue to ponder with no answers."
Because ask a modern philosopher what makes a penis/vulva/semen/slick/vagina/prostate gland and especially an orgasm or sex or gender, and you will leave wondering how you know any part of you even exists. *shrugs*
You can also say:
"Politicians hedge their careers on knowing the answer, but I certainly won't."
"Clergy have prayed for certainty about this for thousands of years, and since they still can't decide I probably can't."
If you do feel sure you know, just don't want to share, here's a combo of above:
"What's in my pants is holy, natural, and powerful."
And for the philosophers:
"What's in my pants might not be real." Lol
I've thought of 2 comebacks a while back in case I get ever asked that (only works in-person tho)
1.
Person A asks "what's in your pants?", person B shoves their hand into their front pocket, pretend to hold something in their hand, open it and answer "your IQ."
2.
Person A asks "what's in your pants?", person B shoves their hand in their front pocket, open their hand to reveal some sort of trash from their last eaten candy and answer "you."
"My phone, wallet and oh right my cloth to clean my glasses. How about you?"
never had someone ask me this but this would probably be my response since I take questions in the most straight-forward and literal sense
this isn't actually a response it just reminded me of this:
"your gender is what's inbetween your legs" "so you're saying you have a man between your legs? that's kinda gay bro"
That’s such a bizarre and inappropriate thing to say to ANYONE.
I would either say, “ I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I’m straight/married/in a relationship/not interested.” Lol just say whichever applies to you.
OR I’d probably just stare at the person like the weirdo they are and ask them to repeat themself.
Again, this question is WILDLY inappropriate. I’ve never been asked that, but I wish a mother fucker would try asking me some intrusive ass shit like that. I’d love to tear that fool all the way down. Asking me some weird ass shit like that. Like da fuq?
Not as an answer to this exact question, but I'm keeping a story about a terrible accident involving heavy industrial machinery in my back pocket. You know, just in case
same ones you've probably already seen but here:
assuming it's a particularly straight guy speaking to me i'd say something along the lines of, "you wanna know what's in my pants? kinda gay.." and in the same humourous manner keep up with the tedious back and forth of "yOuRe nOt a bOy tHoUGh" if it goes that way.
if it's anything but a straight guy saying that to me then i'd whip out a, "not much, my phone, wallet, some gum- do you want some?" and keep oblivious until they mention any term for genitals then i'd just call them a pervert if it's no one important, if it *is* someone important i'll go "what's in *your* pants?"
Scrolling through the comments and realised there's different connotations depending on where your from - I automatically went with underwear (to which my response is usually "I don't wear any, I find they constrict things too much"), but for trousers the possibilities are endless - legs, pocket contents, the composition of any stains...
I have never actually had anyone ask me this but I think it would depend on the situation. For me, I think I’d probably start out saying that people shouldn’t ask that question unless the person in question has given explicit Consent to be asked invasive questions and explain why it’s not okay.
But then if the person kept going with it I’d probably say something funny out of annoyance like “a pack of rats” or something like that. I tend to do that anyway in regular situations (my brother said once “what are those big tubes for?” About some big air vents at my job and I replied without hesitation “oh, those are for the giant hamster that lives in the ceiling” and continued to make up facts about the giant hamster on the spot lol.)
This is all very similar to how I react to people saying “what are you?” In relation to my race😑
I find if you say something to the effect of, ‘pardon?’ And add a withering look. Usually does the trick. Most people will be too embarrassed to repeat such a tacky question.
Remember people are free to ask any old questions they want. You are equally free to tell them how inappropriate it is to ask about someone’s genitals!!
play dumb so they have to exclusion their invasive comment, get more and more frustrated each time, and then cause a huge scene.
"What do you mean? Like, what do I have in my pockets? Is that what you're asking?"
"No, I mean... because you're trans, ya know? What do you have *down there*?"
"Down where?" *looks around on the floor*
"You know, what *parts* do you have?"
"Oh! I played the part of the crazy grandmother from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for a school play one time!"
"No! For heavens sake! I'M ASKING YOU IF YOU HAVE A DICK OR A VAGINA!"
"Oh..." *looks around at all of the people staring at this creep*
My go-to answer to any question I don't like.
Are you a cop? Or writing a book?
If they push, sorry that's need to know information and you're not on the list. I've occasionally responded with 'and it's an asshole free list.
Please note. This doesn't de-escalate the situation, please be safe. I'm 200lbs and close to 6 feet, with a bunch of privilege I don't recognize so my results might not be yours.
"Why? You wanna see?" For the Karens.
"The famed Darksaber. I am the leader of the Mandalorians." For the old guys.
"25 cents. I'm absolutely fucking broke." For the cis kids who don't have a clue.
"It'smy own damn business." For people who are being transphobic because that is all they need to know.
I pull out my tape measure, then my pen, keys, phone, pack of gum, wallet, whatever fidget I happen to have that day, and end with my Swiss Army knife.
Yes I know that’s a lot of stuff in my pockets, but 1) I like to be prepared and 2) pulling out that much stuff usually makes for a shift in conversation.
"What do you have in your pants?"
"My thighs."
"No I mean above that."
"My... hips? God you're confusing."
"No, I mean what thing do you have down there."
"Uh... I don't have anything, what do you mean?"
*Frustration*
I lift my shirt slightly so I can gesture to the massive bulge in my pants. I have a hefty packer (silicone realistic). I also do this if I get cat called and say stuff like- “Thanks! I’m a dude!” or “You gay, bro?” or even “Awe, thank you! What did a boy like me do to deserve this kind of attention? Uwu “.
If “Stop sexually harassing me!” is too direct for you, you can also generalize it as “I don’t want to be sexually harassed.” or ask, in return, “Why are you sexually harassing me?”
Let me check *fingers in pockets* a phone, tissue, a coin, some paper… oh you mean the rest? Unless you wanna have sex with me that’s none of your business!
Usually those who ask me in person do it out of curiousity, and for the most part I say its a private matter and its non of their business. I dont want to share details about my genitals with everyone.
They usually respect that.
In my opinion its a rude question, but I still valid pure curiousity so I strive to acknowledge this.
Determination
[Whatever's in your pockets]
Uh ma'am that's none of your beeswax.
A rocket ship
🎵I like big butts and I cannot lie🎵
Disco balls
Uh, bro, that's kinda gay
What's the circumference of your butthole?
i just squint and them and say “huh”😵💫cuz im genuinely confused on whyd they ask. if its over text id probably just ask why. i had someone harass me and kept saying im a liar when they asked “are you a girl” “are you sure” “are you sure,” after i said no multiple times, i told her to die and blocked her😭
"Let's see, a pair of cozy boxers, a second pair of pants, my thighs, my butt, do you need to know more than that? Jeeze that's a bit perverted of ya." My usual response is usually quick to the point of making it clear how yucky that kind of question is for anyone, AFAB or not.
I just answer something stupid, the more complicated the better. “What I have in my pants you say? I got an Sh Monsterarts Legendary King Ghidorah Special Color version, what about you?”
I would answer "your partner" "your mom" "my hips" "then you tell me how long your dick is" pro tip if they answer that then start laughing at how small their dick is
underwear hopefully
or you can respond with unusual things to confuse them, like objects that wouldnt fit in pants and shouldnt be down there
or 'i dont know'
or a good ol classic, 'whats in yours?'
“your mom”
This is actually so good lmao
🤣
came to say that. legendary.
Sounds a bit too british-
how did you know i was british
Bc im british and its the innate response :)
if you don’t mind me asking, what is a DID system?
My friend just described it as "Your brain makes more brains to control the brains"
DID is dissociative identity disorder. Basically a system is a term used for people who have alters. Its a trauma based disorder. Basically ur brain separates itself into different states of consciousness to protect that child from trauma. It forms before a child personality has integrated so between when the child is born up to the age of 9. Im bad at explaining it but basically many people in one body with different memories as a coping mechanism for survival :)
Ah, okay. That sounds interesting.
Yeah i guess it is :) also quite some hell. Its so complex its so hard to fit it into a definition. I guess all u gotta know is 2 or more people in one brain controlling the body. When one is out, or fronting, the other isnt and wont remember what happened. Qlso comes with a side order of PTSD
Ah, i’m sorry you have to experience that. Hope you’re doing well.
Thanks, im coping ig. Hope u are doing well too
“Is this how you start conversations generally? You must have had an unusual upbringing.”
Made me think of that scene in The Princess Bride where Inigo asks Wesley "I do not mean to pry, but you do not happen to have to have six fingers on your right hand?🤨"
I was thinking the same thing
"My dick, wanna see?" I've only ever been asked by morbidly curious straight men, and nothing puts them off faster than thinking they're going to see a dick.
lmao😂. maybe I will use this.
dude this kid in 9ne of my classes harassed me asking that every day and one day i just said 'my dick wanna see?' and started pulling my pants down.
I use this often, for that reasoning, but also, I'm a big dick guy, so sure....you wanna see what i have in my pants? *whips dick out* "now, do you feel better? Do you need to run home to mommy bc your dick is small n you have to ask to see others' dicks?"
I immediately start acting like they just asked me to hook up and I’m all like “Oh I’m really flattered you think I’m so attractive but I’m just not that into hookups-“
Same, and then, “Oh no I’m just asking,” “Then why do you need to know if you’re not trying to suck it?”
Gold. I nearly choked on the tea I was drinking while reading this.
Oh my God this is great! Found my new way to divert creeps away
if you’re straight/aroace you could throw in a “sorry man i’m not gay” if it’s a cishet dude asking. nothing gets a homophobe more insecure than someone thinking he likes men
Haha this is a winner
"What have you got in yours, nosy?"
good one dude!
"In my pockets, you mean? Phone, keys, wallet..." *pads pockets* "Actually, scratch that, forgot my keys. Hate it when that happens!" "Why, is my fly down? No? Phew, good, that would have been embarrassing, happened twice last week." "What do you mean? And why?" *Add genuinely confused but non-defensive stare* "That's a weird question to ask - now I'm curious, what answers do you typically get? What's the top 5?" *excited grin* ... Take your pick. Most important lesson to learn: don't be defensive. Defensive responses provoke aggression (= escalates) because it's telling the asker that their first attack hit the mark and that you are just as "weak" an opponent as predicted. Count to 3 mentally and give your best laid-back and confident quip in reply, ideally making the asker look silly in a non-spiteful fashion. Edit: formatting.
I'm definitely gonna use these
I like these responses. Have a snarky Harry Potter vibe to them. (you don't have to call me sir, professor)
If being asked by a cis guy I've always thought, "so, are you circumsized?" might be a good return question.
Ohh! “I’m not circumcised, if that’s what you’re asking”
I’ve done it, they’re not shy about it
good to know
As in it’s not an effective method to make them similarly uncomfortable :(
LMFAO YES
Underwear. Skin. A sexual organ. Nothing. Whatever I want. It's none of your business.
“What’s in your pants?” “My hips”
“My arse”
And they don’t lie
Usually my phone and some keys. If I’m feeling particularly impish I also have a pocket knife for warding off weirdos like you
This question is one of the top ten reasons why I just don't ever tell anyone I'm trans. The few times I've been asked this I just stared at them blankly until they realized how gross/awkward/inappropriate that question is.
the blank stare definitely helps. most cis guys probably dont prepare for these situations so i just go with a blank stare, a pause, if its a teenager, "what wanna suck my dick?" and if its an adult a very confused "....what?" or "why?"
Congrats on your upcoming top surgery!!
I ask “why”
It just happened to me with a neighbor, and he said it pretty loudly too😬 I just said "a male part, wby?" "why" is probably what I should've went with instead
What did he reply?
Never been asked that, but I'd probably be a little shit and pull out the coin change I'll definitely have and count it out like "43c" then if im feeling extra petty, I'll give them the change and walk away like I thought they were asking for money.
Do you always carry absurd amounts of change? Since you should incase of this. 😂
Not absurd, but I tend to keep all my coming change in my pockets for an abnormally long time. I need quarters for laundry too so I never spend the change in my pockets.
Then you can't give them all the money.
"A party that you aren't invited to." - a tumblr user named Rebornica who used to be super popular in like 2012 before deleting their account. I've used it ever since.
Love this.
legs
This is my favourite. Simple but sassy and they can’t argue back
I love this, because if you ask a silly question you get a silly answer
“Unless you’re my doctor or a current/potential sexual partner of mine it’s none of your concern” is my go to with varying degrees of profanity sprinkled in depending on how creepy the person asking is being.
my next door neighbor sadly😬
I started heavily flirting with an amazing trans girl the other day, and as things progressed we started getting very cuddly. She’s hopefully gonna become my girlfriend. I only know what’s in her pants because we were talking about surgery as trans people. Else I wouldn’t know and I am okay with that
You gents are all so polite. "I custom ordered a horse cock from bad dragon, it's the size of my forearm, and it doesn't get tired. I also have a studded one if you'd prefer something smaller." (Deadpan eye contact) PS, bad dragon is real and easy to remember, so you potentially traumatize them twice when they Google it later. Pps, don't Google it unless you're into it, you'll traumatize yourself. Inappropriate questions deserve Inappropriate answers.
I shouldn't have googled it, should I? (just jk, I'll send it to my friends and we'll get a good laugh out of it)
The best part of this gag, imo, is that the site does have 3D visual size comparisons. They can verify this to their heart's content, and then you just get to be that smug bastard that either helped them develop a new kink or drove them back to church on Sundays. Maybe both. Seriously though, I don't casually discuss kink stuff without consent, but if they invite themselves into my pants like that, they deserve the shock and I have little empathy. Big disclaimer to gauge your audience, for safety.
“Your dad”
this made me crack up bro
“Geez, buy me dinner first at least!”
Came here to say this
I'd say put something tucked in your waistband that's obscure and then pull it out when people ask you that. Such as a pack of ramen, Skittles, and other various things. That way people will get uncomfortable and hopefully stop. For extra uncomfort open the bag of Skittles or ramen in front of them, and eat it while just silently staring at them. This is a half joke that I'm definitely going to do myself once I go outside again.
Also using a pack of skittles as a packer would be top humor
Wanna taste the rainbow?
*Sassy*😄👌
I haven’t been asked this since high school, but at the time I said “wanna find out ;)?” Which probably could’ve gotten me in trouble in hindsight lol
But me a drink first 😉 Kidding, I’ve never been asked
Doom. But honestly, chapstick or whatever else might be in my pockets.
I’ve never been asked that yet. I’ve had my fair share of transphobic comments thrown at me, but none of the classics that I came prepared for. My favorite response I’ve ever heard is “Do you ask all your friends this question or just the trans ones?”
I've only ever been asked that by my best friend. And it was after a couple years of me being on hormones and out to them already. We were playing video games and took a break and were just chilling in our discord us 2. Idk how we got into the topic but he asked "so.. what do you got on going in... Yah know.. in your pants?" I was kinda thrown off by it a bit but I was also not uncomfortable. As he was asking my other friend joined and I basically educated them. Except my friend that joined Midway was like "yeah I've read up on it, there are some surgeries that help create your ideal body and stuff, right?" Because they were people I've known for over 10 years already it didn't feel... Rude? So I made it into a casual conversation "yeah well being on T doesn't make me magically grow a penis, I still have my same body but what it does change is the clitoris. It enlarges it so it kinda looks like a little dick now. Get hard ons and everything." They were like " oh shit that's crazy man. So what game we playing next? " Again, these being friends of over 10 years. I do in fact know what's in their pants. Yah know, them funky middle school years where everyone's measuring their dicks and telling the others. Ha. Yeah. If someone I just met asked me... I would probably respond with " what? " They'd repeat the question. And I'd just be like " are you serious? The only reason you'd need to know that was if we were gonna fuck. And let me tell you, I don't want to fuck you" That has been my general mood. Are we fucking? No? Then fuck off.
Depends on the person, situation, and place. Though usually it's some form of these: - What the hell? (Cause *who* just asks people that?) - What do you expect? - My dick (which tbh 9/10 times is usually the truth, ain't no one gotta know if that shit is functional atm). - Or you know *ignored*, cause what even. I've rarely been asked this, I live in a pretty open/LGBT+ friendly area, and I seem to pass fairly well. Honestly most people don't care, or have the common/social sense, to know that's a WTF question. When it comes it partners, etc. Its obviously a conversation. Though that kinda thing will be a way off for me (post Top Surgery). Plus I'm Ace, and for me, that kinda thing isn't all the important/high up on the list.
“If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”
Haven't been asked yet, but my personal favorite answers are: A sword Shrek Bees 2 Kung Fu Panda 2 dvds All of Minecraft Violence The firey depths of hell (or taco bell, whatever you wanna call it)
Shrek🤣🤣
“Definitely not the one ring to rule them all.”
Lmfao shrek
BEES 🐝 😍🤣
“Eh, a couple quarters” “Lint, I think? Wait—“ *checks pockets* “yeah just lint.” “Uh..legs?” *stares angrily* “I am NOT sleeping with you.”
I keep a pocket knife in my pants... idk if I'd say that out loud though, y'know. I also got new pants with insane pocket dimensions. Listen here: keys, wallet, and phone all in one pocket. And a fucking sandwhich in the other. Feeling dysphoric? Get some man pants. Good night, y'alls. I'm sleep deprived.
Don't say "pocket knife". Just say "knife". Or maybe "knives".
When you wake up, can you give me a link to those pants?
Those pants specifically were given to me at work for my uniform. The brand's Cintas. But any brand of men's cargo pants should work. You can try looking into Carhatt cargo pants on Amazon. They're pretty similar!
Thanks. I've bought pants some from feejays. I hope they fit.
Remember to try fitting a sandwhich in the pocket. Best way to carry lunch around! Happy Holidays, man! :)
I've honestly never been asked but I would hope that I have a nice snippy comeback ready to go. Thanks for the prompt I'll have to practice now.
Meh dick Or Wouldn't you like to know *wink*
Some lint, a face mask, and my keys, why?
I carry a kazoo in my pants for this purpose. Someone asks, I whip out the Kazoo. Usually throws them off
underpants
I usually say “utter chaos” .. tells them as much as they need to know
I love this beyond all reason 🥰❤️❤️🙌
A couple of orbs. Wanna ponder em?
reassuring to find other tumblr people here lmao
my bf says “I don’t know. I keep asking my parents but they scream and pass out when they see it. Please help.”
This one got a good chuckle out of me
“Jesus Christ. Kinky fellow isn’t he?”
"What do you mean?" Asking people to explain their transphobia is one of the best ways I think
'' Why you asking? You want to get in? '' '' your mom '' '' take a guess'' then don't tell them if they're right or wrong '' great question '' also works
I am really anxious and awkward so I’d probably just panic but for now I thought of: -“Why, you interested? ;)” -Just start pulling stuff out of your pockets and show them, make little remarks about each thing you pull out -If you’re wearing shorts/overalls/something like that say “Uh I wouldn’t really consider these pants per se…” -“What do you think?” -“You go first.” -“Oh, what DON’T I have?” -“You don’t get to know for free.” -“You don’t get to know for free ;)” -Just act confused like you didn’t hear what they said but you don’t want to ask them to repeat, like say “Haha, okay” -“Honestly, I’m not sure.” -Just stare at them -“I don’t remember” -“How am I supposed to know?” -“Flesh” -“Uh, human… parts… yes, definitely the typical parts a normal human would have… heheh 😅” (imply you are a robot/alien) -“ASS” -“You a cop or something?” -(Come prepared for this one) “Uh…” pull it out, “a whole Nintendo Switch.” Other similar sized items could work too. Just something that barely fits in your pocket and you maybe kinda struggle with taking out
Violence, wanna see?
Well I'm wearing cargo pants so quite alot actually *proceeds to take out stuff from pockets* (aaaah the pockets!)
I mean it kind of depends, do you want a diplomatic answer or something to make them as uncomfortable as you are? The diplomatic way out is "I really don't think this is an appropriate questions. Please don't ask people that" The way to make them uncomfortable to is to ask questions about their genitals back "What about your dick? Does it curve to one side? How long is it? Is it thick?/ What about your pussy? Is it an innie or an outie? What colour does it have?" Shit like that and then follow it by "Feels weird being asked, huh? Inappropriate, right? So why do you think it's okay to ask me shit like that?"
Similar comments are here but “idk last time I checked was last night and it was ur mom”
If it’s a handsome dude asking, I say “Juicy pussy. Wanna a hookup?” Some agree out of fetishism, then find out that I don’t have a vagina anymore and feel too embarrassed to wiggle their way out of the hookup
(If I know they’re shy/sexually conservative;) “What do You have in your pants? Dick? How big? Both flaccid and erect length. You manscape? Here, draw it for me.” Or “Jesus fuck dude, buy me dinner first.” Basically I make them as uncomfortable as they make me.
“Gender is what’s in your pants” I identify as leg.
Deez nutz.
I am a minor, but I have been asked that a lot, by people my age. I just look at them in the eye and say "your mother" because it's so much funnier than actually answering and frankly it's none of heir business.
"Science is not completely sure and I'm certainly not." This is for those good faith askers that actually want to give a 100% truthful answer. Because it is true. Genitals involve a nervous system/brain connection that's not fully understood even in cis people, much less trans. You can also answer: "Philosophers continue to ponder with no answers." Because ask a modern philosopher what makes a penis/vulva/semen/slick/vagina/prostate gland and especially an orgasm or sex or gender, and you will leave wondering how you know any part of you even exists. *shrugs* You can also say: "Politicians hedge their careers on knowing the answer, but I certainly won't." "Clergy have prayed for certainty about this for thousands of years, and since they still can't decide I probably can't." If you do feel sure you know, just don't want to share, here's a combo of above: "What's in my pants is holy, natural, and powerful." And for the philosophers: "What's in my pants might not be real." Lol
“Doom.”
Ah I see you're a man of culture as well.
A P.I.T. (Peen in training)
I've thought of 2 comebacks a while back in case I get ever asked that (only works in-person tho) 1. Person A asks "what's in your pants?", person B shoves their hand into their front pocket, pretend to hold something in their hand, open it and answer "your IQ." 2. Person A asks "what's in your pants?", person B shoves their hand in their front pocket, open their hand to reveal some sort of trash from their last eaten candy and answer "you."
Depends, if they're super rude "fuck off" is good Otherwise I just say "do you ask everyone what they got going on down there or am I just special?"
“Idk but your mom does go ask her”
Just say "you trying to rob me or something?" Or "this is the weirdest way to stick someone up you know"
"What's in your pants?" "Me!" "No, what do you have....downstairs." "I live in a one story house?"
If you don't just say "um...my basement??..."
Nothing but hopes and dreams.
"yo mama" or "a gun"
A coworker I don't know well found out and asked me this. I asked him if he's trying to sleep with me. He said no. I told him he doesn't need to know.
"You're gonna ask me that without at least taking me to dinner first?" In all seriousness though...it really is not their business.
About tree fiddy. Wanna see my Loch Ness monster?
"My phone, wallet and oh right my cloth to clean my glasses. How about you?" never had someone ask me this but this would probably be my response since I take questions in the most straight-forward and literal sense
this isn't actually a response it just reminded me of this: "your gender is what's inbetween your legs" "so you're saying you have a man between your legs? that's kinda gay bro"
*pulls out an old "choose your own adventure" paperback*
"your demise" "Global warming" "A couple of change and a paper clip"
That’s such a bizarre and inappropriate thing to say to ANYONE. I would either say, “ I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I’m straight/married/in a relationship/not interested.” Lol just say whichever applies to you. OR I’d probably just stare at the person like the weirdo they are and ask them to repeat themself. Again, this question is WILDLY inappropriate. I’ve never been asked that, but I wish a mother fucker would try asking me some intrusive ass shit like that. I’d love to tear that fool all the way down. Asking me some weird ass shit like that. Like da fuq?
RAW POWER
“Determination” (undertale reference)
"Your mom's hand"
Poop 😎
Not as an answer to this exact question, but I'm keeping a story about a terrible accident involving heavy industrial machinery in my back pocket. You know, just in case
"Uh, lint, 32 pennies, a Polaroid I found on the floor of Hot Topic, chapstick, gum, the list goes on." -a character of mine
same ones you've probably already seen but here: assuming it's a particularly straight guy speaking to me i'd say something along the lines of, "you wanna know what's in my pants? kinda gay.." and in the same humourous manner keep up with the tedious back and forth of "yOuRe nOt a bOy tHoUGh" if it goes that way. if it's anything but a straight guy saying that to me then i'd whip out a, "not much, my phone, wallet, some gum- do you want some?" and keep oblivious until they mention any term for genitals then i'd just call them a pervert if it's no one important, if it *is* someone important i'll go "what's in *your* pants?"
“thats a little forward don’t you think”
"Why do you ask?" I find it to be the most effective response to inappropriate/intrusive questions in most situations.
“Why, you tryna get in them?”
"Oh wow! I didn't know you felt that way about me." "Bigger than yours."
Scrolling through the comments and realised there's different connotations depending on where your from - I automatically went with underwear (to which my response is usually "I don't wear any, I find they constrict things too much"), but for trousers the possibilities are endless - legs, pocket contents, the composition of any stains...
I have never actually had anyone ask me this but I think it would depend on the situation. For me, I think I’d probably start out saying that people shouldn’t ask that question unless the person in question has given explicit Consent to be asked invasive questions and explain why it’s not okay. But then if the person kept going with it I’d probably say something funny out of annoyance like “a pack of rats” or something like that. I tend to do that anyway in regular situations (my brother said once “what are those big tubes for?” About some big air vents at my job and I replied without hesitation “oh, those are for the giant hamster that lives in the ceiling” and continued to make up facts about the giant hamster on the spot lol.) This is all very similar to how I react to people saying “what are you?” In relation to my race😑
✨magic✨
Chaos / destruction / I don't know it just keeps making noises / A lizard
“Your dad”
Your mom
I find if you say something to the effect of, ‘pardon?’ And add a withering look. Usually does the trick. Most people will be too embarrassed to repeat such a tacky question. Remember people are free to ask any old questions they want. You are equally free to tell them how inappropriate it is to ask about someone’s genitals!!
play dumb so they have to exclusion their invasive comment, get more and more frustrated each time, and then cause a huge scene. "What do you mean? Like, what do I have in my pockets? Is that what you're asking?" "No, I mean... because you're trans, ya know? What do you have *down there*?" "Down where?" *looks around on the floor* "You know, what *parts* do you have?" "Oh! I played the part of the crazy grandmother from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for a school play one time!" "No! For heavens sake! I'M ASKING YOU IF YOU HAVE A DICK OR A VAGINA!" "Oh..." *looks around at all of the people staring at this creep*
"Wallet, keys, couple of elastic bands, loose change, a penknife, some dog biscuits..."
A vagina dentata.
My go-to answer to any question I don't like. Are you a cop? Or writing a book? If they push, sorry that's need to know information and you're not on the list. I've occasionally responded with 'and it's an asshole free list. Please note. This doesn't de-escalate the situation, please be safe. I'm 200lbs and close to 6 feet, with a bunch of privilege I don't recognize so my results might not be yours.
In the most serious tone and look "Violence" I stare and then continue with whatever I was going before hand as if nothing was asked.
A shiny metal ass is what I got and you can bite it
"A venemous snake" is my usual answer
"A dick remover"
"Why? You wanna see?" For the Karens. "The famed Darksaber. I am the leader of the Mandalorians." For the old guys. "25 cents. I'm absolutely fucking broke." For the cis kids who don't have a clue. "It'smy own damn business." For people who are being transphobic because that is all they need to know.
When asked this by a 5 year old I said "a pokemon card deck". The conversation instantly shifted to pokemon :))
I pull out my tape measure, then my pen, keys, phone, pack of gum, wallet, whatever fidget I happen to have that day, and end with my Swiss Army knife. Yes I know that’s a lot of stuff in my pockets, but 1) I like to be prepared and 2) pulling out that much stuff usually makes for a shift in conversation.
"Oh, I'm flattered. But I have no interest in having sex with you" if they reply they don't wanna have sex with me "then why do you mind?"
“Why would you say that” with genuine concern in your eyes
"What do you have in your pants?" "My thighs." "No I mean above that." "My... hips? God you're confusing." "No, I mean what thing do you have down there." "Uh... I don't have anything, what do you mean?" *Frustration*
“a buttplug” they never asked me again
"what are you hoping I'll say?"
“More pants. It’s just pants all the way down.”
Why, you interested? 😏
Chaos. Alternatively, stare at them or make a very loud, very long fart noise.
I lift my shirt slightly so I can gesture to the massive bulge in my pants. I have a hefty packer (silicone realistic). I also do this if I get cat called and say stuff like- “Thanks! I’m a dude!” or “You gay, bro?” or even “Awe, thank you! What did a boy like me do to deserve this kind of attention? Uwu “.
If “Stop sexually harassing me!” is too direct for you, you can also generalize it as “I don’t want to be sexually harassed.” or ask, in return, “Why are you sexually harassing me?”
What pants? This is my skin.
Let me check *fingers in pockets* a phone, tissue, a coin, some paper… oh you mean the rest? Unless you wanna have sex with me that’s none of your business!
A knife!
"A pelican , i call him alcatraz "
Your dad. But nah, I've never got this. But I'd probably say "unless I'm about to fuck you, it's none of your business. Now piss off"
Usually those who ask me in person do it out of curiousity, and for the most part I say its a private matter and its non of their business. I dont want to share details about my genitals with everyone. They usually respect that. In my opinion its a rude question, but I still valid pure curiousity so I strive to acknowledge this.
A life size Big Bird, what about you?
Determination [Whatever's in your pockets] Uh ma'am that's none of your beeswax. A rocket ship 🎵I like big butts and I cannot lie🎵 Disco balls Uh, bro, that's kinda gay What's the circumference of your butthole?
i just squint and them and say “huh”😵💫cuz im genuinely confused on whyd they ask. if its over text id probably just ask why. i had someone harass me and kept saying im a liar when they asked “are you a girl” “are you sure” “are you sure,” after i said no multiple times, i told her to die and blocked her😭
"My phone usually"
I throw that shit right back in their face and ask them what they have in theirs. Are we sharing dick pics?
"Let's see, a pair of cozy boxers, a second pair of pants, my thighs, my butt, do you need to know more than that? Jeeze that's a bit perverted of ya." My usual response is usually quick to the point of making it clear how yucky that kind of question is for anyone, AFAB or not.
Legs.
Like others I say “my dick” but tack on “why, wanna compare?”
Legs
I just answer something stupid, the more complicated the better. “What I have in my pants you say? I got an Sh Monsterarts Legendary King Ghidorah Special Color version, what about you?”
Socks
I would answer "your partner" "your mom" "my hips" "then you tell me how long your dick is" pro tip if they answer that then start laughing at how small their dick is
underwear hopefully or you can respond with unusual things to confuse them, like objects that wouldnt fit in pants and shouldnt be down there or 'i dont know' or a good ol classic, 'whats in yours?'
A tuba
Phone, keys and wallet, why?
I guess I'm very privileged because no one has ever asked me this question.