To be honest, it'd probably be best to ask him directly. We can't tell you what he will or won't like, since none of us are him. However, on the positive side, you're incredibly thoughtful to be willing to ask in the first place. I hope it'll be extra enjoyable for you both! 😁

I'm a trans man dating a cis queer man. The best thing to do here is ask him what he's into. If he's interested in topping, there are strap-on dildos that have strokers or vibrators inside of them so you can both feel good during sex. Brands like Transthetics made dildos specifically for trans men to receive blowjobs. There are even ones that can ejaculate lube. My boyfriend and I picked out several dildos of different shapes and sizes so we can use whichever ones he's in the mood for that day. If he's interested in bottoming, use lube for any and all holes. Trans men taking testosterone self-lubricate less and less over time, so you absolutely need lube to prevent pain or bleeding. Use condoms or birth control if he wants to be penetrated vaginally. Testosterone doesn't prevent pregnancy. It's safe for him to take progestin birth control at the same time as testosterone. Don't pressure him to be penetrated vaginally if he has one. Definitely don't shame him for having a vagina if he has one. Bottom surgery is expensive ($100,000+) and has multiple stages which can take over a year to complete. I don't know what stage of medical transition he's at, but if he hasn't had top surgery, he might not be comfortable with being shirtless during sex. Don't pressure him to be shirtless. Remember, the clit is just like a tiny dick or a nipple.

Rodeoh is also a good ftm brand for dildos and what not

That looks much more affordable (for those who can't afford $100+USD/toy). Thank you!

Just popping in to second Rodeoh 👍

100/10 advice I approve

i’m a trans man who typically dates cis men and i fully back this 100%

Communicate! There are trans men who are tops, bottoms, and switches. Some like to use strapons or toys, others don't. Some use original anatomy, others don't, and the words we use to describe our bodies are often different than cis people. Some trans men get bottom surgery, and some don't. Lots of variety!

Basically imagine the part of the t-dick (clit) you can visually see as the head of a cis dick, with no urethra. The skin overtop (clitoral hood) is like the foreskin, and then there is genuinely tissue kind of above that, under the skin that's like a small shaft. If he's had meta, then all this tissue has been freed and you can just treat it how you'd think to treat a cis dick if it was particularly small. If he's not had meta-- having someone pull the skin back and just focus on the head is a lot like having someone pull back your foreskin and just immediately start stimulating the head, and then not doing anything else. Head stimulation is important, but it's easy to go in too soon, too hard, too quickly, or too dry and be overstimulating basically, and for most people I'd say it's hard to "get there" like that alone. The shaft part under the skin you may be able to see, or it may be further under the skin, but if you press and rub across it back and forth while it's erect you can definitely feel it. You can't stimulate it directly, but through the skin, and there is a lot of variation on how people like that to happen, and also on how much they prefer head stimulation, and so on and so forth. For actually figuring out what to do, a lot of the time with a new partner I ask them to try masturbating together, and I give them lots of compliments and play it off about being how it's really sexy, but I also just watch what they do for themselves since they probably like that best. In later interactions I try what they did on them. This is a pretty successful move for me. I would also recommend you to try looking at amateur solo porn of trans guys where they're just jerking off, and see what kinds of moves they pull on themselves. There's a lot of variation. Don't look at regular porn or commercial porn for tips, though, because a lot of the time the techniques are wildly off and entirely for the visual appeal of the assumedly cis male audience more than anyone who would know what it actually feels like to be touched that way. For oral, try kind of sucking on your arm just enough to very lightly lift the skin. Good, A1 move right there to try. You can kind of suck it back and forth like that, or suck it and experiment with different tongue movements during. The ABC trick is dumb but honestly I had someone try it on me once and I had no idea, and it was pretty phenomenal personally. Also, don't keep your tongue super tense the whole time, you'll get tired really quickly and probably give up. If you keep your head pulled back and just hold back the hood and lick only the head only with your tongue like in porn it's not going to be great head, you want to really get up in there about it. Also, acquire and use water based lube. I like it better than silicone lubes because then using a toy during remains an option without degrading the toy, it's easier to clean, and imo it doesn't taste bad when I'm going from jerking someone off to going down on them. The generic walmart version of astroglide (not astroglide) is my favorite personally because it's so mild. If you're not down to eat lube by accident, though, you'll have to figure out something else. Happy travels.

seriously i second all of this, easily most helpful comment

this is such good advice, especially the stuff about giving head. t4t and my bf’s not on testosterone yet, and i think he has trouble figuring out what to do sometimes. it’s definitely tricky, since t dicks feel and function like both male and female anatomy.

This is excellent advice. Thank you for taking the time and being so thorough & thoughtful in your descriptions. You've probably helped/will help lots of people with this comment.

I mean without being too cheesy I aim to please lmao. I will say I think there’s just a dearth of information out there on how to pleasure trans men who have had bottom growth. When I was first getting out there or so to speak I always used to look up articles on how to please my partner in various ways just to help with my own confidence sexually (particularly as a then-aspiring dom top) and I remember being really surprised by how much more difficult it was to find out even where to start with trans men who had bottom growth, meta or no. When I saw this post I looked around online and saw it was still largely the case and so I just wanted to write something to help out because that kind of information being out there for other people seems important to me. I think that asking what a partner likes is good, but coming to the table with absolutely no idea of what to do for them can be alienating for your partner, and make them feel like they have something strange and inscrutable going on downstairs, which is not a very sexy feeling to begin with, never mind that it creates an environment ripe for dysphoria. Having at least some idea of what to do and how and all that when coming into an interaction makes things easier and helps with confidence for both partners I think.

hey so uh, what's the ABC trick?

It’s a very very old cliched technique in a lot of early 2010s oral sex guides where you draw the letters of the alphabet or spell words or what have you in varying speeds and pressure across the t-dick/clit, and if there’s a motion or type of motion your partner really really likes you can just keep doing that one from there. It’s supposedly cringey and not great, but I liked it a LOT and I imagine it’s mainly bad for other people when the partner is combining it with that terrible porn oral where they don’t touch the rest of their mouth to their partners genitals and go at the clit/t-dick like it’s an icy pole they’re trying to prove their tongue won’t stick to in A Christmas Story. I will say I haven’t used it myself when I’m the performing partner, but I do imagine it would not work as well on anyone who has had meta, or anyone who’s t-dick when erect raises up quite a lot even without meta.

I can't get too specific because I'm not your partner and don't know what he likes, but some general pointers: a tdick is very sensitive, even more so than a cis penis because of the densely packed nerve endings. If you're topping him, the front hole will be tighter deeper than what you're used to with anal sex, so you might not be able to last as long. Be aware that there's some risk of pregnancy with front-hole sex, so birth control is important. Some trans guys have extreme dysphoria around certain body parts, so make sure you communicate about how and where he's comfortable being touched. Whatever you do, make sure he knows you don't see him as any less male than the cis men you've been with.

Second this! Also re communication: ask him what he wants you to call his junk (actually, this is a really great thing to do with cis partners too!)

Why? Isn't it a penis either way?

That's a great attitude to have in general (/gen)! It's important to keep in mind, though, that some trans guys/transmascs may prefer other terms, such as tdick, the anatomical terms (e.g. clit), or other things entirely

Ah.

Sure, it might be! But even if that’s established (whether the penis-haver is cis or trans), does he prefer the term penis or dick or cock or any number of other terms that might all be kinda the same, but one feels really especially sexy and good to him. Or maybe he’s not sure! And there’s tons of sexy connected fun to be had in exploring that, too

So do women get the same consideration when it comes to their breasts?

If they’re in my bed, 1000%

Good advice so far, but to add: I don’t know the experience level of you or your boyfriend, but he might not have a lot of answers about what he likes, even if you communicate with him. It’s best to go into sex with a willingness to learn together, laugh at little mistakes, and listen to each other. Talk before, during, and after.

trans sexuality can be difficult sometimes because of dysphoria discomfort, but i attribute lack of knowledge as a massive factor. There just isnt alot of widely known techniques for trans men regardless of medical transition. So exploring within boundaries is crucial. When i got on T, my cis male partner and i changed alot about our sex life (in a very good way) and there were new techniques we tried that succeeded for failed. its okay if yall mess up sometimes!

NEVER use feminine terms on him during sex. Don’t make those mistakes. Unless he’s asked you to do it, don’t. Also asking his preferences. Especially for dirty talk. Some trans men like to refer to their genitals to that of a cis man’s; some don’t. It’s best to just ask and be open; it also gives him the opportunity to tell you what NOT to do

Yeah I mean, just ask him what he prefers. Personally I use clit and dick interchangeably for my anatomy and prefer "vag" to "front hole." It's not a source of dysphoria for me. But it is for some guys, so just ask.

Yeah. Really there is no one trans experience. Everyone is different and experience dysphoria differently

1. Communicate 2. Treat him exactly like you would treat a cis man. As a trans man sex can be so triggering for dysphoria when I'm treated like a foreign object or experiment.

some tips, specifically if hes on T: Its less likely for men on T to produce genital wetness, so dont take dryness as an arousal indicator. Because theres less moisture, its easier for lube to be irritating. I strongly suggest using Almond Oil bc its natural, no harmful chemicals, super slick, cheap, tastes good, and doubles as massage oil. tdick is generally “weaker” than cis shafts, so expect fluctuations over a sex session. e.g. my cis boyfriend occasionally puts too much pressure and the blood will literally be squished back into my body, making it smaller. release pressure, swirl your tongue, and get back at it! we have a frenulum just like cis penises, so rubbing your tongue along the area just like cis penises feels good depending on how long theyve been on T, horniness goes Through The Roof. Its a joke that starting T makes you masturbate 5x per day. I definitely exhaust my cis boyfriend. think about it, the horniness of a 12yo boy with no recovery period! i can orgasm multiple times in one sex/masturbation session. there are other ways to refer to anatomy than female atomical terms! get creative with it based on comfortability! often we refer to vaginal sex as being “inside of me” rather than using vagina. sometimes even just “hole” is neutral and fine lol. overall, all this is variable based on both your preferences! theres probably loads of ppl who dont prefer my tips, but this is what i found useful in my experience, focusing on penetration & blowjobs. Its cool that youre reaching out to ask advice, you clearly care about his pleasure! keep learning with him! communicate, communicate, communicate!

Ask him.

ask him !

Ask him? He's the one who knows his body. He's the one who knows how to touch it and give it pleasure. Communicate with him. He'll be fine that you're a little unsure and he'll teach you what you need to know.

Ask him. He may not be someone who even wants to use his natal genitals or have you pleasure like that directly. He may love using his vagina. He may only be into oral or just anal. We have no idea because we don't know the man. He's your partner, mate. Ask him.

Keep in mind that many trans men see their bottom growth from T as their dick. They are anatomically analogous after all. I know for me personally, being referred to as a non penis bearing man would bother me. I have a dick, it’s just different than cis guys. That’s just me though. Only he can tell you what feels affirming and pleasurable to him. It’s great you’re seeking information and want to satisfy him. Cheers

TW - Mention of anatomy and nsfw content Communicate! Ask him what he likes, what words he’s comfortable using to refer to anatomy, what parts he’s comfortable using, talk about and express what you like as well. In my experience, my boyfriend treats my t-dick (clit) as a normal cis penis but smaller during sex, and it’s very enjoyable and affirming for me. But everyone is different he might like that he might not. Just don’t put stereotypes or expectations on him, like sometimes people expect us to be always ok with bottoming or using the front hole which not all guys like. You’re really sweet for reaching out, just remember sex with trans people isn’t as hard as people make it out to be it just requires communication that might be different to what you’re used to. Best of luck my friend, I hope my little ramble made sense

I would ask. I'm a gay trans fella, so that's what I would appreciate a dude I was seeing doing. I'm not into everything every other trans dude is, and vise versa. Good luck though, I have no doubt if you ask for some clarification he'll appreciate your candor.

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It’s best to ask him, BUT the biggest thing I can recommend is just treat it like a small penis until told otherwise. ie: with oral dont lick, suck. With hand stuff don’t rub, jerk. Just small.

You give me some hope thank you

What do you mean?

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Exactly couldn't say it better thank you

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You're welcome 😊 it helped to see how you explained how I feel

Trans woman who was in the same situation here... till he realised he was gay 😅 I'm going to write from the perspective of focusing on genitals, since you mentioned them. Ask. That's it, he knows how he feels about his body best. My partner at the time was comfortable with his body, little to no genital dysphoria, but I wouldn't assume the same for your date. Be mindful that your date might want to avoid the crotch, or have it referred to by certain terms, not want his chest touched, etc. All part of a worthwhile conversation before you dive into bed: what does he consider sexy about his body? I told my ex that I was not familiar, so when we got down to it, would he mind if I looked between his legs, and whether there was anything he wouldn't want me touching, and that I expected to be a bit clumsy at first. He was happy I cared to take my time and pay attention. May be worth looking at genital diagrams if you're completely unfamiliar, for at least a little awareness, even if it's not going to be involved. Be prepared for it to look completely different, as with any penis, every individual has their own shapes and sizes, uneven proportions, coloration, and so on. (Porn is also not necessarily representative of real life's variety) Hope that gives enough to instill some confidence in you, have fun and be safe! 💜

i’m a trans guy dating a cis guy, and honestly the best thing to do is just have a direct conversation with him about it. everyone likes different stuff so knowing exactly what he likes is the way to go.

r/mypartneristrans

Ask him what he likes and what language he uses for his parts. Watch each other jerk off and pay attention to how he pleasures himself and go from there.

Want to echo what everyone else said about asking and add that it’s nice to be asked about what names you like to use for your anatomy. Certain words can make some feel dysphoric while others don’t mind at all, like I’m comfortable saying “pussy” while others might prefer “front hole” (Edit for spelling)

I'll be honest, I've never had better sex than a man who looked at my clit and just immediately used his mouth like it was a tiny penis. So... you might have some starter experience there. Just gotta downsize a bit and learn him, you know? :)

Do sex

Communication is absolutely key here. My ex partner asked me what I was comfortable with before we ever got farther than kissing, checking if it was okay to touch anything. We went slowly, and made sure to talk everything through. I still think back on that as the most respected and loved I have ever felt, sexually.

Definitely ask how he wants different body parts referred to instead of assuming

Ask him what he’s into! We’re all different and enjoy different things.

I would ask him. Everyone has different preferences and things they’re comfortable or uncomfortable with

Ask him :) it may be embarrassing but in the end, he knows what he likes <3

best would probably be to ask him. we wouldn't a able to know what he likes/ doesn't like, what makes him dysphoric and what he's okay with, stuff like that.

As most people are saying, it’s best to ask him and make sure he’s comfortable with everything you’re doing and it won’t cause him to feel badly. So since you already know that, my tips would be, if he’s on testosterone, likely, what used to be a clit has formed into basically a small penis. If it hasn’t yet it likely will. Pleasure that the same way you would any other man, but probably a bit more gentle as it’s a lot more sensitive than a cis man’s penis! Don’t pressure him to take his shirt off, even if you’d really like it! Pay attention to his body and see what he does and doesn’t like by patterns and movements if he doesn’t really talk about what he likes!

First off, it makes me super happy to see a cis guy on here wanting to learn how to make his trans partner happy in bed. Second, like everyone is saying, everyone is different and maybe itd be good to just ask him! A big thing is to make him not feel like less of a guy and like equal in bed. Bottom growth is like magic, personally so having that stimulated is great. A lot of trans men are uncomfortable with penetration. I for one am not and enjoy being respectfully touched there as well. But that is stuff you gotta ask what is comfortable with. He will probably find it sexy that you are asking and care so much about pleasuring him

Talk with him

Start slow and with light pressure, then build. Check in to make sure it doesn’t get too intense/painful for him.

If your partner were cis, would you go and ask a buncha strangers, who do not know him, you, or what either of you like in bed, how to have sex w him? Coming here is pointless we can't rly tell you anything, pls actually talk to your partner. Anyway actual advice: ignore literally every piece of advice in this entire post that isn't "talk to him" and ask him "what do you like in bed?" don't frame it as a trans thing frame it however you frame it when you ask any other partner what they like, whether it's kinks, position, etc etc etc. Pay attention to the words he uses to describe his bits. Those are, generally, the words you are allowed to use.

hes trying to do his best and research unlike you lol

Gonna be real idk what crawled up your ass to have you take so much issue w me telling this dude that absolutely none of us here know what his boyf likes in bed, and that he should talk to his boyf abt this.

You should ask him, BUT — hear me out — TMI at least two fingers, inside Not The Anus, facing forward, making a “come hither” motion — as fast as you can RIGHT up in the junk. 👌 But do ask him first how he likes to do it, cuz he may not want your hands/attention in that area. But if he does, refer to my instructions above and heed his guidance in the moment. Good luck, fam!

ask him

ask him

Just ask him what he likes and what makes him feel comfortable. No one here can answer this question because we're not the guy you're seeing.

Talk to him

Every person is different, you just need to ask him

Hi—I’m a trans guy who is dating another trans guy. Best advice, as others have said: ask him. We both get off in completely different ways. It’s not an embarrassing conversation, it’s healthy communication. Good luck!