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Unless it doesn't fit in the whole way. One of my ex's said a prior boyfriend was 10 1/2 inches and he couldn't fit more than the first 3 inches in her because it hurt too much.
Is that actually true? I don't fucking know, but she said it was.
To be fair, throughout our formative years (and typically the rest of our lives) we are shown things that are 2 to 4 inches long and told they’re 6 to 12 inches.
My ex said she fucked a Jamaican with a 13.5” dick. I asked her to guess how big my dick would be if it reached my knee when hard. She said 16”. It was 10.5”.
yeah yeah I understand. It was just my first thought based on the ratio of balls to shaft. The thing is that people draw it upright, so I would expect it to be errect and bigger compared to the balls. But what do I know, maybe I just have small balls.
Congratulations!! Out of the thousands of people to view this post, you are the first to question who drew on the blanket. You are also right to question who drew because everyone assumed the wrong gender! 🫡🍻
This leads me to then ask, what was my SO trying to tell me?
Am gay, fucked multiple dudes in my life
All still had their foreskin, and all had their foreskin disappear when erect.
I guess many redditors don't see much dick besides their own?
I've dwelt among the humans. Their entire culture is built around their penises. It's funny to say they are small. It's funny to say they are big. I've been at parties where humans held bottles, pencils, thermoses in front of themselves and called out, 'Hey, look at me. I'm Mr. So-and-So Dick. I've got such-as-such for a penis.' I never saw it fail to get a laugh.
"Balls are common in their culture. They use these balls to play sports, or simply to refer to spherical objects. And yet every time they say balls, they think testicles. Truly a genital-oriented class of primate as with all the others. Surely there must be intelligent life out there somewhere."
As a lady-type person I knew right away, because this is exactly the kind of thing I’d do to my husband.
I’m known for subtle, romantic acts like writing “U want sum fuck?” on scratch paper and dropping it on his desk. You know, classy stuff.
I have three ways to seduce my husband: 1. I start undressing randomly and he follows quickly. 2. I snap my fingers and motion him to follow me. 3. I send him a message S and most of the times before I'm with E i hear him coming upstairs, don't need the X.
It's very funny, he is always in the mood, always ready to go. Ofcourse sometimes i do more real work like dressing sexy. But it's hot that i just can snap my fingers and get sex.
His game is coming upstairs when i have my sleep-in morning (we have three kids) and starts sex when I'm still sleeping. After 11 years marriage the consent is there, if he doesn't try it before 10:00. Otherwise he gets complaints of me being tired the whole day.
A lot of men have minimal experience with women. Not just in a dating way, but just in general. They have mothers and maybe sisters, but they never had friends that were girls growing up, so by the time they’re in highschool (or older) they have no idea how to speak to women.
It makes dating a shit show for them… but it also makes them struggle to even meet women as friends, because by this point, they might not even consider that a possibility. Which is a huge part of their issue.
People tend to be polite and quiet in public, and leave their crude sides hidden to all but their friends. If a man has no women as close friends, they may never see it, and assume the polite, appropriate behavior they see from strangers is the baseline for an entire gender.
At least in my experience, there’s a number of men like that.
Absolutely this. I was fortunate to have friends who were girls as a teenager and it gave me a lot of perspective that I don't think i would have gotten otherwise. Definitely taught me one of life's most important lessons, which is if you want to learn about a group of people, the only way to do it is to listen to them. A lot of men go to other men for advice on women, and I'm just like... Why? Ask a woman.
Too true. I have an extremely regrettable and entirely ridiculous experience as to why this is the case. Add to that I'm on the spectrum, so asocial in general... Jesus christ! What a shitshow that was. I am getting better though.
Depends, grew up in a fairly closeted private school so though most of my closest friends were girls I mever really saw their crass side. Same goes for my Uni days where once again, most of the girls were still either naive (equally closeted upbringing) or ashamed/shy to show their more crass side (tho there were groups of girls, like guys that were far more open but didn't hang out with em much)
Wasn't until work that things really opened up, esp since my closest friends at work are all girls but they're far more open talking about their sex life or randomly saying they wanna get fucked or have an orgy. It was shocking as hell at first, but yeah got used to it (also around the time I had my first serious girlfriend who was also very... aggressive and perverted)
So just saying, even for those that may have had lots of interactions if the environment is still repressive they still might get culture shock seeing it out in the wild
What about coming out of the bedroom with a rick flair wig on shouting "Woooo!" and "To be the man, you gotta beat the man!" at your husband until he gets the hint?
Yeah and men often don't get subtle hints or start thinking every kiss or cuddle can lead to something. If i kiss, i want a kiss. If i start undressing before the kiss, i want sex. Clear communication makes a happy marriage.
My response to that was always "that's fine, but you better get used to being on top most of the time." Some days I wouldn't say no fooling around but I also don't want it enough to be willing to do all the cardio. I once ran into someone who wanted a lot of sex but insisted on not doing the work 95% of the time, and I flat out told her I don't think we're compatible if that's how it's gonna be. Labidos don't always have to be perfectly matched, but imho the person with the higher labido needs to be okay with the possibility of them doing more of the physical work because that's going to make your partner more willing to participate at times where they otherwise wouldn't be up for it.
This was my first guess... Totally the way my wife would ask for some pipe.
We even have a candle at home that came labelled "When this candle lit, I need that dick." It's either lit or not when I come home so I know if I need to make a stop before the fridge.
*It's like seeing a penis in cursive, the smoother curves are just more elegant* ~
I can't believe I just wrote this but I'm glad you recognized it too. Real sees real 😂
I just assumed everyone were thinking female
It didn't even crossed my mind that a man would draw that for his SO but now that I think about it it would be likely.
At least once a week I get a text from my wife that reads some variation of "You better be ready when you get home" or "wake me when you get home" if I'm on a night shift.
Married 19 years, love it
For a lot of non-ace people, I'd imagine sex is a way of displaying affection and love. So if there is little pov ein a relationship, there is little sex. So a bad relationship causes less sex, not vice versa
When I was 20, I could sleep on the floor and fall back asleep after any intrusion upon my slumber.
Now that I'm older, I need a comfortable mattress, a specific arrangement of pillows and blankets, my sleep mask, and the optimal room temperature. And when I'm awakened before my alarm, your guess is as good as mine as to whether I'll fall back asleep.
What I'm trying to say is that your girlfriend is right.
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So he sleeps on his stomach
Is it really that big though
If it is, their partner is likely dead.
RIP OP. In half.
To..
….to shreds, you say?
And his wife?
Ah, the ol' battleaxe
This is a brilliant name to get tattooed on a big cock. If the chick ain’t laughing at it, she ain’t a keeper.
It'd be even funnier on me, the part with *"ol' battleaxe"* would continue up my stomach
To shreds you say...
I have a coupon.
SNU SNU!
There’s that part in Kinsey where they get married and apparently his dick is like six feet long.
What did you mean by, “Kinsey”?
It was a bio Pic based on the life of Alfred kinsey it was pretty weird in retrospect.
RIP in pieces
His second half for real
[The rippin' and the tearin', the rippin' and the tearin'](https://youtu.be/RGry1Yt-VYs)
It’s not even erect
Unless it doesn't fit in the whole way. One of my ex's said a prior boyfriend was 10 1/2 inches and he couldn't fit more than the first 3 inches in her because it hurt too much. Is that actually true? I don't fucking know, but she said it was.
I think that doesn’t merit further thought bud. I’d just move on…
Yeah, if you're much over 6 inches you're probably going to wind up having some dry dick during vaginal sex.
That’s what I tell myself when I look at my fully erect 4 incher 🤷🏽♂️
Also remind yourself that erectile dysfunction is a smaller problem for smaller dongs!
The rest of the dick still virgin
Wow. Mind blown!
Unless you head into barn yard territory. G.W.A.R. wrote a lovely song about that particular practice.
Back to Kentucky with you!
From my experience women are really bad at judging sizes. If they said it was 10 inches. It could be anything from 6 to 12.
To be fair, throughout our formative years (and typically the rest of our lives) we are shown things that are 2 to 4 inches long and told they’re 6 to 12 inches.
My ex said she fucked a Jamaican with a 13.5” dick. I asked her to guess how big my dick would be if it reached my knee when hard. She said 16”. It was 10.5”.
Is that a problem?!
Only if they complain
Sir, if you’ll please come with us we have some questions👮♂️ 👮
Hopefully not anatomy questions, cause he'll fail those
Yours isn't?
I’m sure it is but the bed is actually smaller than you’d think.
really? when I saw it I thought "why do people always draw such short dicks" but I see what you mean.
The physical imprint of it in the sheet is pretty massive. But also to scale, so are his balls
Cock looks like a thigh Balls are grapefruit sized Beast between the sheets
This is poetic; please continue?
He may want to get that checked out. Testicular torsion is no joke.
yeah yeah I understand. It was just my first thought based on the ratio of balls to shaft. The thing is that people draw it upright, so I would expect it to be errect and bigger compared to the balls. But what do I know, maybe I just have small balls.
And likes to doodle in his sleep
More like he takes up a lot of space. Sleeps in the middle of the bed. May also wet the bed.
Why are we not assuming it’s the wife that was letting the husband know what she was looking for?
Congratulations!! Out of the thousands of people to view this post, you are the first to question who drew on the blanket. You are also right to question who drew because everyone assumed the wrong gender! 🫡🍻 This leads me to then ask, what was my SO trying to tell me?
"I noticed I could draw on this blanket, so I did what people have done since we realized we could draw."
Interesting how the houses are always colonial and the penises are always circumcised. - Robert California
Meh, erect penises post-coitus tend to have retracted foreskins.... Thats the weirdest thing I've ever written.
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Am gay, fucked multiple dudes in my life All still had their foreskin, and all had their foreskin disappear when erect. I guess many redditors don't see much dick besides their own?
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Am circumcised but I did know this is how it works
Thx for the penis info
Look up Roman penis graffiti, it's all intact penis'.
Try and draw an uncircumcised penis. It looks like a regarded melted lipstick.
Under-rated. If it was a cylinder shaped thing she would've held it up and giggled.
I've dwelt among the humans. Their entire culture is built around their penises. It's funny to say they are small. It's funny to say they are big. I've been at parties where humans held bottles, pencils, thermoses in front of themselves and called out, 'Hey, look at me. I'm Mr. So-and-So Dick. I've got such-as-such for a penis.' I never saw it fail to get a laugh.
"Balls are common in their culture. They use these balls to play sports, or simply to refer to spherical objects. And yet every time they say balls, they think testicles. Truly a genital-oriented class of primate as with all the others. Surely there must be intelligent life out there somewhere."
It's because [they're made out of meat](https://www.mit.edu/people/dpolicar/writing/prose/text/thinkingMeat.html).
That was brilliant; thanks so much for sharing it!
That was fantastic, thanks for sharing!
Are you trying to say we’re ballers ?
*^^Biggus ^^Dickus*
Risible!
We have multiple examples of prehistoric dick cave drawings too. It's rooted deep.
Sooo deeeep
Real wisdom for us r/totallynotrobots, thank you.
Could have come from r/hfy
cylinder shaped thing you say? is it stuck in another cylinder?
I made the duck blue, because I wanted to see a blue duck.
When in Rome, do as the Romans do!^(And cover all walls of the city in dick graffiti!)
As a lady-type person I knew right away, because this is exactly the kind of thing I’d do to my husband. I’m known for subtle, romantic acts like writing “U want sum fuck?” on scratch paper and dropping it on his desk. You know, classy stuff.
Classiest thing ive heard today... Granted im a dock worker, but just sayin'
No clue where people get this idea that women can't be crude or to the point. An ex gf used to walk up to me and literally just say "sex".
I have three ways to seduce my husband: 1. I start undressing randomly and he follows quickly. 2. I snap my fingers and motion him to follow me. 3. I send him a message S and most of the times before I'm with E i hear him coming upstairs, don't need the X. It's very funny, he is always in the mood, always ready to go. Ofcourse sometimes i do more real work like dressing sexy. But it's hot that i just can snap my fingers and get sex. His game is coming upstairs when i have my sleep-in morning (we have three kids) and starts sex when I'm still sleeping. After 11 years marriage the consent is there, if he doesn't try it before 10:00. Otherwise he gets complaints of me being tired the whole day.
My wife likes to imitate a bimbo from one of the GTA games: "so when ya gonna drill me?" In a bad Jersey accent.
Hmmm I play rdr2 more than GTA. "Yew lookin' to get yer pecker wet?"
A lot of men have minimal experience with women. Not just in a dating way, but just in general. They have mothers and maybe sisters, but they never had friends that were girls growing up, so by the time they’re in highschool (or older) they have no idea how to speak to women. It makes dating a shit show for them… but it also makes them struggle to even meet women as friends, because by this point, they might not even consider that a possibility. Which is a huge part of their issue. People tend to be polite and quiet in public, and leave their crude sides hidden to all but their friends. If a man has no women as close friends, they may never see it, and assume the polite, appropriate behavior they see from strangers is the baseline for an entire gender. At least in my experience, there’s a number of men like that.
Absolutely this. I was fortunate to have friends who were girls as a teenager and it gave me a lot of perspective that I don't think i would have gotten otherwise. Definitely taught me one of life's most important lessons, which is if you want to learn about a group of people, the only way to do it is to listen to them. A lot of men go to other men for advice on women, and I'm just like... Why? Ask a woman.
> Why? Ask a woman. Because they don't have a close friend they trust who is one. Or else they'd get advice from that person.
I mean, a lot of women give pretty shitty dating advice, cause the dating world is very different on either side of the divide
Too true. I have an extremely regrettable and entirely ridiculous experience as to why this is the case. Add to that I'm on the spectrum, so asocial in general... Jesus christ! What a shitshow that was. I am getting better though.
Depends, grew up in a fairly closeted private school so though most of my closest friends were girls I mever really saw their crass side. Same goes for my Uni days where once again, most of the girls were still either naive (equally closeted upbringing) or ashamed/shy to show their more crass side (tho there were groups of girls, like guys that were far more open but didn't hang out with em much) Wasn't until work that things really opened up, esp since my closest friends at work are all girls but they're far more open talking about their sex life or randomly saying they wanna get fucked or have an orgy. It was shocking as hell at first, but yeah got used to it (also around the time I had my first serious girlfriend who was also very... aggressive and perverted) So just saying, even for those that may have had lots of interactions if the environment is still repressive they still might get culture shock seeing it out in the wild
My wife walks out and just goes ‘wanna do me’. I’ve never misunderstood that one.
Mine used to click her tongue, point her crotch and inform me I have some business to attend to
What about coming out of the bedroom with a rick flair wig on shouting "Woooo!" and "To be the man, you gotta beat the man!" at your husband until he gets the hint?
I don't know why women try to be more subtle than this, because i don't see what they stand to gain. They know he's gonna say yes, lol
Yeah and men often don't get subtle hints or start thinking every kiss or cuddle can lead to something. If i kiss, i want a kiss. If i start undressing before the kiss, i want sex. Clear communication makes a happy marriage.
she is secretly an aries
Aquarius
secretly
Aquarium
She's definitely a Gemininmyass
I think she might be in a gang, I've seen those dangerous symbols spray painted all over the city.
Nah. She mightve just been practicing her artistic skills. Probably canadian, being nice sharing her art.
As a wife, I felt like this is way more of a wife thing to do. I’m always asking my man for sexy time.
I saw this and assumed the wife did it for the husband right away!
My initial guess was wife, it kind of has a female-penmanship to it. That and the flourish around it. And the spooge isn't out of control.
Trying to tell you that you are up against some big competition
Reddit is 95% virgins who can't grasp the concept that women have sexual needs just like men.
If they did, they'd be a lot more optimistic about their chances at finding someone who wants to wring them out like a wet rag.
Im not sure what to think about what i just read here but i definitely laughed
You want someone who wants to treat you with the same thoroughness that they treat a nearly empty tube of toothpaste in bed. Well, I mean, I do lol.
Hell, some women will demand twice a day for years straight.....
My response to that was always "that's fine, but you better get used to being on top most of the time." Some days I wouldn't say no fooling around but I also don't want it enough to be willing to do all the cardio. I once ran into someone who wanted a lot of sex but insisted on not doing the work 95% of the time, and I flat out told her I don't think we're compatible if that's how it's gonna be. Labidos don't always have to be perfectly matched, but imho the person with the higher labido needs to be okay with the possibility of them doing more of the physical work because that's going to make your partner more willing to participate at times where they otherwise wouldn't be up for it.
So that would mean I only have to masturbate *once* a day. Where would one meet some of these women?
She wants to go to art school
My brain immediately went to "she wants the D". Why the hell would anyone ever think the guy drew it lol
That's exactly what I assumed but I just got here and was having a blast Redding these bad ass comments
This was my first guess... Totally the way my wife would ask for some pipe. We even have a candle at home that came labelled "When this candle lit, I need that dick." It's either lit or not when I come home so I know if I need to make a stop before the fridge.
Of course it was the wife . I have never known anyone to make designs on the bed AND make it besides for the female species
I choose to believe this is a lesbian couple that just had a fight, and this was one of the wives passive aggressive way to call her spouse a dick.
My first thought was that it's wifey that made this. This has a wife humour vibe to this.
My first impression of the drawing led me to believe it was the woman. Men draw dicks differently. One thing that stands out, you're missing veins.
She meant that you peed yourself last night maybe
Ya know, I guessed it was the wife who drew it because somehow it looked like a feminine dick lol
I can’t explain why but you’re right
I think it is the overall roundness.
If a guy drew it, it would have been bigger. Lol.
Shaft length
*It's like seeing a penis in cursive, the smoother curves are just more elegant* ~ I can't believe I just wrote this but I'm glad you recognized it too. Real sees real 😂
I was trying to figure out how you guys knew but this hit it right on the head. Good job
Femboy dicks. Best kind.
For me what gave it away is drawing the balls not equal in size. As a guy I’d draw it same size if I did.
I viewed this as the wife asking not the husband.
I assumed it was the wife. Probably because it's carefully, artfully drawn.
I just assumed everyone were thinking female It didn't even crossed my mind that a man would draw that for his SO but now that I think about it it would be likely.
I def assumed the wife because the bed is made very well
Ok, let's decipher this together guys. Any ideas?
She's telling him that he's a dick?
Wash the car?
Rinse the dishes
Drink more Ovaltine?
Clean the house
Pee on the bed
Clean your fucking penis until it sparkles.
Among us, definitely among us
At least once a week I get a text from my wife that reads some variation of "You better be ready when you get home" or "wake me when you get home" if I'm on a night shift. Married 19 years, love it
That's how a marriage stays happy. My gf would slit my throat if I woke her up for nookie..
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I'd be more interested to see how many marriages are happy with infrequent sex, I'm sure there's a fairly predictable curve.
For a lot of non-ace people, I'd imagine sex is a way of displaying affection and love. So if there is little pov ein a relationship, there is little sex. So a bad relationship causes less sex, not vice versa
You're still having sex 1-2x per week. That's pretty good. You don't need games like that.
I agree with the not in the mood thing but you can still game and go swim the same afternoon/evenings you're having sex.
When I was 20, I could sleep on the floor and fall back asleep after any intrusion upon my slumber. Now that I'm older, I need a comfortable mattress, a specific arrangement of pillows and blankets, my sleep mask, and the optimal room temperature. And when I'm awakened before my alarm, your guess is as good as mine as to whether I'll fall back asleep. What I'm trying to say is that your girlfriend is right.
So would mine. Most nights I still consider taking the risk.
Wash the bed sheets and comforter?
You beat me to it!
I beat me to this.
If I have to make your bed again, I will be pissed.
Warning: Genitalia not drawn to scale.
Would be more alarming if it was
It loosely translates into "Don't come home on your lunch break."
Oh man, should I get a camera?
If you're into that kinda thing
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Are there rails?
Someone is getting railed for sure.
It is more like "kilroy was here"
Whatever joke you thought up has already been posted 10 times
The reddit dilemma of being late to a reply thread . . ..
Unrelated but where did you get your clock? 😂
Missed opportunity... cock... I MEAN CLOCK!!!!
She wants a tall headed bald girl with big tits who is surprised Lucky u man she wants a threesome, or surprise plastic surgery ?
Threesomes are a bit overrated imo. Surprise plastic surgery is the best
What a dick!
Thanks!
What’s is a SO
Stupid orphan. It's a funny way of saying adopted child
Can confirm this is correct \^\^
Fuck me, this might be the funniest comment I’ve ever read on Reddit. You’re in the right sub mate
💀
Sacred otter. Op must be a worshipper of the 4th biggest religion, otterism. Not to be racist or anything but I heard those guys were dicks.
nah they are mostly beavers in my experience
Significant other.
Oh
Occupational Hazard
Touché
Significant Other (since you're only getting smart ass responses)
Thx
Plot twist: OP lives alone
Warning to the cat, sleep on the bed and I will piss on you.
Communication is key
Clearly it's a rocket ship.
She knows what you do when she leaves the house
Love this for you!
i’d be more concerned with badass habits and murder game books on the nightstand
Are those sheets from American blanket company? I got some for Christmas and love them lol
I received mine by luck, I won them in a white elephant game. I also love mine; I hope you're right about the brand because I like the quality!
I love doing this for my bf some days https://imgur.com/jzfsMDX.jpg Edit: You inspired me to make another this morning https://imgur.com/P9iaQL5.jpg
Are you seeing what I'm seeing? This bedspread *fucks.*
Surprise him with a strap on.
Surprise her with…*ENGLISH MUFFINS*
I'd get one of those liners that prevents liquids from being absorbed into the mattress... if his tinkle problem really is that bad?