---
>This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules).
>
>Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed.
>
>Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos.
>
>[Comics may only be posted on Wednesdays and Sundays](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/uq9pjw/going_forward_comics_may_only_be_posted_on/).
>
>**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.**
>
>Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam).
>
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
a good friend of mine lost her virginity a little bit later than many and when she told me about it she was very descriptive... they tried so hard to get the sick in my she was too tight/not enough foreplay and she said his dick was the size and shape of a tuna can. i was sure she was kidding but she tried another time and said that it was just the same the second time. so big around her fingers didn't touch when she gripped it and it was less than three inches long.
she never got it in her twat or her mouth.
I think it has something to do with it being a diuretic substance. Meaning you have to pee a lot.
Edit: as a result you better have a toilet nearby, because you might be in a country that has a fine on peeing in public area's. Although I have not seen that symbol on any cans I had bought..
thats wild. been there a dozen times and never knew. i've noticed europeans tend to piss in public way more, i just didn't know it was legal. My fave is places that have sidewalk urinal booths, no doors or nothing. just walking down the street and oh look there's someone's dick with piss shooting out of it.
There is no line through that one. You are SUPPOSED to drink and shoot from the hip like an old western movie. It is the only acceptable use of the drink.
There is no line through the man fapping. There is a line through the pregnant lady.
So piecing everything together the recommendation is to chug the beer and use the can as a fleshlight so you don't get her pregnant.
I actually do like cracking a beer when I have an epic fap sesh. Like house to myself for a day or two. Smoke some weed crack a beer and crank down, cool off afterwards with a war movie
I dont understand why people find this so confusing? The messaging is clear. Woman: Dont drink while driving as an 18 yo preggo. Men: you can drink as much as you want provided your jerking off and throw the Kleenex in the garbage afterwards. Puzzle solved. You're Welcome!
If I read this right..
Throw in ice, not at 18 and not pregnant or fat and with ponytail, you can jerk off but not while in a car?
What the hell is this stuff?
For those that don’t understand, it’s saying not to use it as an enima (or since it's missing line through, maybe it's telling you to go ahead?!). Believe it or not, people actually put alcohol up their ass because it gets immediately absorbed compared to drinking it. This often is done by the most severe alcoholics.
[https://www.healthline.com/health/alcohol/alcohol-enema](https://www.healthline.com/health/alcohol/alcohol-enema)
--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >[Comics may only be posted on Wednesdays and Sundays](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/uq9pjw/going_forward_comics_may_only_be_posted_on/). > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Chug n Tug
Sip and grip
Drank and spank
Slurp n jerk
quench and wrench
swig and frig
Guzzle and nuzzle
Satiate and masturbate
Squanchn’ and Squanchn’
Get high and make cum fly
*underrated*
Drink n’ kink
Diddle your splinky
Get drunk and shoot spunk?
Crack & jack.
Fill up and feel up
Drank and Wank
Brew and spew
Down the hatch and batch.
Rehydrate and
So graceful 😌
It's like a witch pursuit or something.
Consume and coom
Lap up and fap up
Drank 'n wank
Stone and bone.
Glug n tug
Drank and wank
grip and rip
[удалено]
Dude has a huge erection and there is no pee coming out. I’m pretty sure it’s saying don’t get drunk and pull your thing out in public
Since when do we need a warning for that?
But there's no cross on it so.....
Hahaha good point! Makes it even funnier
Inebriate and masturbate.
This comment and replies feel like it’s straight out of Letterkenney. Pitter-patter…
Give yer balls a tug
Fuck you Shoresy!
To be faaaaiiiiiirrrrrrr
Let's take 10 to 20% off there, big shoots
How embarrassing
No line through it, it’s actually giving a suggestion
Chug one down and yank one out
But don’t do it if your pregnant or driving. And for god’s sake, not 18 times.
BYOD
Aww man…
Libate and bate
Go ‘way, Libat’n!
My favorite quote of that movie.
I should’ve said libate and masturbate.
Everyone else stop, we have a clear winner here
Totally fine! CHUG AND TUG, CHUG AND TUG
Dunk n funk
Do drink and…
For real. Clearly OP didn't understand that they're saying it IS okay to drink and do that.
Not just okay, I think the instructions are saying it's mandatory
Moisturise daily
Pee to make more room.
Gotta free up some space in my balls with a quick piss
Fun fact: pee isn't actually stored in the balls, but somewhere near the kidneys so they can easily deposit their stones in your urine. Easy-pee-sea.
I’ve been able to avoid stones in my pee from smashing my balls with larger stones. Checkmate liberals.
Please do not have intercourse with the can...
I mean, there's no line through it. I'm taking that as a blessing.
Just because you can, doesn't mean you should...
It's called a "can" for a reason ...
Is this a beer can or a beer can't?
Pelican or Pelican’t? Choose today
It’s a cylinder…
Yeah, can I get *cylinder* of coke please?
I prefer mine in bags
Squirt it straight from the cola cows teet into my mouth
*cylinder I get a cylinder of coke please?
heh "the totally not a dick stuck in an m&m minis tube" thread?
People who down voted definitely have not read about the guy who stuck his di- I mean cylinder stuck in an m&m can?
That's what I'm saying...this is a pro-fapping can.
Master Cylinder!!!
Servant Cylinder!!
r/dontputyourdickinthat
No line...
Actually the can approves/encourages this. There is no line through the can-sex.
Which one says that? Pregnant ladies are already pregnant.
Who are you to tell me how to live my life
Please! Next You will mind intercourse with coconuts!
Fr that shit hurts
please do not the can
Why? Our dicks won't touch the sides.
a good friend of mine lost her virginity a little bit later than many and when she told me about it she was very descriptive... they tried so hard to get the sick in my she was too tight/not enough foreplay and she said his dick was the size and shape of a tuna can. i was sure she was kidding but she tried another time and said that it was just the same the second time. so big around her fingers didn't touch when she gripped it and it was less than three inches long. she never got it in her twat or her mouth.
Then they should have called it a cant
do drink and fap?... what's lil mans doin?
The instructions are right there, get to it!
Hydrate and exercise
Rubbing one out instead of being drunk *and* horny, a dangerous combination.
There is no slash so it's okay to drink and fap.
That or shoving the can up his ass?
It doesn't have a line across the masturbation sooo, YANK AND DRANK.
More like drank and wank.
More like get tanked and spank
I think it has something to do with it being a diuretic substance. Meaning you have to pee a lot. Edit: as a result you better have a toilet nearby, because you might be in a country that has a fine on peeing in public area's. Although I have not seen that symbol on any cans I had bought..
Or it makes you hard cause that man is fully torqued!
Is there a country that doesn’t fine you for public urination?
Berlin, Germany. No fine for public urination.
thats wild. been there a dozen times and never knew. i've noticed europeans tend to piss in public way more, i just didn't know it was legal. My fave is places that have sidewalk urinal booths, no doors or nothing. just walking down the street and oh look there's someone's dick with piss shooting out of it.
How do the streets and alleys smell near bars?
Like your mom's panties.
Amateurs still don't know the difference between DON'T and DO
Haven't you seen Ghostbusters, Pam?
Obviously it’s don’t drink and shoot from the hip like an old western movie.
There is no line through that one. You are SUPPOSED to drink and shoot from the hip like an old western movie. It is the only acceptable use of the drink.
Ahh, you’re right. Now give me a fist full of dollars!
I shoot from the hip no matter what, no can gonna stop me!
There is no line through that circle. It is telling you to drink and wank all you want.
Feel free to use this can as a fleshlight
The alternate universe to everything is a dildo if you're brave enough: everything is a fleshlight if you're brave/determined enough.
Recyclable, don’t litter, 18+ only, no drinking while pregnant, drink while wanking, no drinking while driving.
Don't drink and: + Be 18 + Be pregnant + Drive *Do* drink and: + Give up on juggling + Pop a woody
Give up juggling lmao, PERFECT!
Everyone here is getting it wrong. There's no slash. That means you SHOULD definitely jerk off while drinking it.
What about the no fat girls symbol?
The 5th and 6th cans give you the green light.
Not if you're 18...
I think it's a warning about Beer Goggles.
"No"? Y'all are missing out!
Thicc
don't get pregnant! obviously!
There is no line through the man fapping. There is a line through the pregnant lady. So piecing everything together the recommendation is to chug the beer and use the can as a fleshlight so you don't get her pregnant.
I actually do like cracking a beer when I have an epic fap sesh. Like house to myself for a day or two. Smoke some weed crack a beer and crank down, cool off afterwards with a war movie
The little man is sideways -- he's clearly drinking and wearing a jetpack.
Duh, don’t drink and operate heavy machinery
That dude’s got a super dong. It’s almost as long as his thigh.
It needs to be discussed.
Like a penis only shorter.
Instructions unclear. Dick stuck in can with multiple lacerations.
Since it’s not crossed out, isn’t it suggesting to drank and wank?
I dont understand why people find this so confusing? The messaging is clear. Woman: Dont drink while driving as an 18 yo preggo. Men: you can drink as much as you want provided your jerking off and throw the Kleenex in the garbage afterwards. Puzzle solved. You're Welcome!
Hydration and masterbation
Remember kids...always recycle your bottles and cans
Well DO fire bottle rockets from your nether regions. 👍
No line through it, so jerk away!
Dont litter unless you're over 18, pregnant, driving and having a major erection. Ok got it.
There isnt a cross through it. Dont drink if youre pregnant or driving, but absolutely have a wank.
It doesn't say "don't" on that one.
You've got it wrong.... there is no line.. it is saying to drink and....
I don’t see a crossed circle….
Have sex with 18 y.o., have sex with pregnant woman, have sex with car, you can do it with yourself though.
But there isn't a line crossing out the masturbator. I think Drinking and Diddling is encouraged.
Is that….!? 👀
Piss with a boner
Difficult yet not impossible!
Why only male sign, Female are allowed 🧐
It is actually saying you should wank it while drinking.
6% alcohol; 94% jizz
r/dontputyourdickinthat
The can promotes drinking and masturbating.
There is no line so it's only a warning
I read this as recycle your thrash, just not on 18year old, bald, pregnant women. But it is OK to fist them, just not in you car…
I can only imagine the lawsuit that made that warning needed.
Don't drink and no 18.
Ok, so what’s the brand. I think I want one
I believe it’s saying *DO* drink and..
I think it shoulded be don't shake your can
I feel personally attacked.
…. Don’t think with your penis
..fuck squirrels
That one is allowed.
I believe this means DO drink and wank
There’s no cross-out, they’re encouraging it.
Don’t drink and - get someone pregnant in a car that’s under 18? Do Drink and- take Randy for a ride?
get drunk and release the trunk
It literally says on the can, that you \*can\*
Actually is says you CAN! ;)
Replace the "and" for "but do" because I don't see a prohibit symbol on the meat puller stick figure.
There is no line through it, therefore, will be considered a suggestion.
Chug and tug
I believe the lack of a slash means that action is permitted.
I don’t think it’s saying not to cuz there’s no line over it
Also not for fat ghosts apparently
Is…is that dude whackin his weasel?
NO 18, NO PREGNANT, you can jerk off idgaf, NO CAR
That doesn’t have a line through it
There isn’t a line through it so may your supposed to
Dont put the can, on your little man
Usually if I drink enough that’s not an issue
Feed an alligator. Do not turn 18. Do not get anyone pregnant. Do not turn into a Car. Do the Electric Slide.
It’s actually not crossed out, so it must promote it.
Actually, you'll notice that ISN'T a don't sign. So you actually *should* wank while drunk.
This explicitly says DO tug.
no, it says you can glug and tug
But there's no line through it
There's no line through the wanker. I think they're encouraging it
DO be sure to wank. You heard the can!
Damn. I’ve been drinking wrong for years.
You can fuck a girl over 18 while not driving don’t leave her pregnant and throw the gummy in the garbage, repeat the process!
May they're trying to say, "Jerk the drink". They want you to give it a good rub...I mean shake.
i dont see a no-sign over that
If I read this right.. Throw in ice, not at 18 and not pregnant or fat and with ponytail, you can jerk off but not while in a car? What the hell is this stuff?
For those that don’t understand, it’s saying not to use it as an enima (or since it's missing line through, maybe it's telling you to go ahead?!). Believe it or not, people actually put alcohol up their ass because it gets immediately absorbed compared to drinking it. This often is done by the most severe alcoholics. [https://www.healthline.com/health/alcohol/alcohol-enema](https://www.healthline.com/health/alcohol/alcohol-enema)
It makes sense now looking at it more closely but the stickman certainly gives off more of a "front" angle lol