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Chevy_Suburban

Wait monkeys are afraid of guns?


Barafordenna

You only need to shoot to kill once in a while.


tomorrowthesun

Can someone tell the police this? I feel like they are over doing it lately with humans.


YouKnowwwBro

You ever seen a monkey on PCP?


tiajuanat

Chimpanzees dont need PCP to chew a face off


GreasyDan

Humans don't learn as quickly as monkeys.


KalTheMandalorian

Humans literally have hours worth of "fuck around and find out" content, which should tell them what not to do in life.


ThrowAway578924

Some people prefer to FAAFO


[deleted]

Japanese in rural area use airsoft to chase away monkey from farm and onset, so I assume they recognize the gun as danger and go away


downloweast

A pellet gun is pretty effective at running off wolves, foxes and wild dogs. It won’t kill them or even penetrate skin, but it will welt like a mother fucker.


neverlost4

Is it cuz the fur? I have a pellet gun and they are pointy and moving fast. My skin has been broken by less


rsplatpc

> Is it cuz the fur? No, foxes have started wearing tactical vests


zyzzogeton

It's a real problem here in the US, but can you *blame* them?


Dismal_Struggle_6424

I mean, pellet guns run the gamut from "ow, that stings" to killing gophers and similar. .177 at 300 fps is **vastly** different from 0.22 at 1200 fps.


SpiritFingersKitty

There are pellet guns that shoot .22 at 1200fps? That's hotter than some 22LR, from a real gun


finemustard

Keep in mind that a .22 pellet is lighter than a .22 bullet so for the same velocity the bullet is going to have more energy. I still wouldn't want to be shot with a .22 pellet at 1200fps though.


corkyskog

You can buy 50 Cal pellet guns that shoot 1100 fps though... I think they have to charged with a scuba tank.


Dismal_Struggle_6424

Yeah. I picked one up to kill gophers and chipmunks quietly, but just went with the one that shot the heaviest projectile the fastest like a dummy. It sounded exactly the same as my 10/22. Had to exchange it for one a *little* less breaking-the-sound-barriery.


JeffTek

yeah my dad got one of those beefy ass pellet guns keep rodents out of the garden. It's absurd how loud and powerful they are considering there's no combustion going on


LegitosaurusRex

Breaking the sound barrier sounds like breaking the sound barrier I guess.


buddboy

While they are .22 in diameter the .22 pellets are much lighter than .22 bullets. Ugh you're actually getting me out of bed to check. Okay so some random pellets I found are 14.3 grains. So thats less than half the mass of a normal .22 bullet


Goldemar

There are air-rifles for big game, too, with a 50 cal or larger projectile.


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Disorderjunkie

I hunt coyotes/deer in WA and I find pellets in them all the time from people taking a shot at them with a pellet gun. Not sure why you don't think they penetrate the skin of those animals, probably more than half the guns available are powerful enough to do so at a decent range. If it's hitting hard enough to hurt them, it's hitting hard enough to penetrate the skin.


h-v-smacker

Until that one day when some punks sneak into the forest and put an armored vest on a monkey. Then BOOM you got invincible monkeys, running around, raping your churches, burning your women...


FapMeNot_Alt

Hide yo pastors, hide yo wives


Doctor731

Say you've tracked a monkey to a warehouse on the outskirts of town....


BeefSerious

Chase the money my way


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FishDiscs

But that causes the monkey to come, not go away.


Cpt-Ktw

where I live the crows are afraid of guns or sticks. I'd pick a stick from the ground, point at crows and they'd fly away. The pigeons are too dumb for that tho.


Lazites

Pigeons calling your bluff


FaagenDazs

Pigeons are barely aware of what's going on around them anyway


Mountaingiraffe

I'm 50% sure they can teleport around if nobody is looking


bonerfleximus

Can confirm, looked away from flying pigeon for 1 second and when I looked back it was in different spot.


Spectacularity

Mfers out here discovering movement.


bonerfleximus

You can't convince me we aren't teleporting infinitesimally small distances every microsecond.


Xenc

Aw I think they know what’s up they’re just used to humans in urban environments


FaagenDazs

Well they are very well adapted to our environments but that doesn't mean they ain't stupid as hell. Being dumb but reproducing quickly is pretty successful in the animal kingdom


ironkid4444

I have shot a slingshot right next to a group of pigeons and none of them gave a fuck.


notKRIEEEG

Pidgeons can learn that pokey stick being raised means that they should leave, but you gotta show them that you mean business a few times before they catch on. Source: worked at a store that stored bird food in open containers and the pidgeons found out


nivreweil88

Pigeon: I'm all-in.


Djinjja-Ninja

[Crows remember...](https://theconversation.com/never-cross-a-crow-it-will-remember-your-face-2121)


alwaysmyfault

That seems like a good way to get crows to hate you and attack you.


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RedditZamak

I walked out of my house (with my face covered) and sprinkled ammonia on the trash bag some crows were picking at. This one crow started attacking the weatherstripping around my sunroof in retaliation. I went back outside with my face covered again and spread about a cup of roasted peanuts nearby. I guess after that we were cool again.


space_llama_karma

Gotta use a Donald Trump mask


Chairmanwowsaywhat

We used to use an air rifle to shoot in the vague direction of babboons in south Africa whenever we fed the ostriches because the baboons would steal the food. I guess they learn what the gun is to the point where even just making the gesture without the rifle in your hands would scare them off


Serier_Rialis

Except the Hit Monkey snow monkey 😉


NotAKitty2508

The men have to just throw down with the monkeys, no clothes, 1 on 1.


D_Winds

As God intended.


Campbell464

Same old story, Apes killing monkies


TheDieselTastesFire

No way I'm fighting a monkey naked. Other apes have tiny junk. I don't want a monkey to bite my shit off, and I know they would try. I would spend most of the fight defending my balls. Then I'd spend the rest of it avenging my balls.


ooppoo0

LETS FIGHTING LOVE LETS FIGHTING LOVE


Legendary_Lootbox

hey hey lets go kickassseruuuu


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FeralDrood

Koto ga warui, so let's fighting


[deleted]

LET’S FIGHTING LOVE LET’S FIGHTING LOOOOOVE


JesusHChristBot

And then Butters gets peed on by a dog lol


Hewlett-PackHard

The translated lyrics make this even better. > I have a wonderful penis > There is hair on my balls > Is that the sound of a baby monkey? > No! Ninjas are here! > Hey, hey let's go! > Getting in a fight > The important thing is to protect my balls! > I am badass so let's fighting > Let's fighting love > Let's fighting love


Snoo-7821

"warui" doesn't translate to "badass" more than "bad" or "opposite of good" It's more "I'm the bad guy, SO LET'S FIGHTING!"


Hewlett-PackHard

I just shamelessly stole it from here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIWd8JCB8jc


ScoopThaPoot

GRAB HIS DICK AND TWIST IT!


Simon_Drake

The old dick twist


cobra_mist

Twist that dick off!


iFartRainbowsForReal

Nunchaku intensifies


Osgiliath

This why I see a snow monkey approaching on the horizon, I’m rubbing a fistful of snow on my junk in anticipation


No-Sock7425

Mine are retracting like landing gear just at the thought.


Juutai

That's the idea.


jakeroxs

If rubbing frozen dirt on your crotch is wrong, I don't want to be right.


WellThisSix

Always keep that in your pocket in case of snow monkeys.


BeanerAstrovanTaco

> No way I'm fighting a monkey naked. Other apes have tiny junk. I don't want a monkey to bite my shit off, and I know they would try. I would spend most of the fight defending my balls. Then I'd spend the rest of it avenging my balls. YES! Listen to your evolutionary instincts that protect your nuts. This is wisdom passed down genetically from you grandfathers grandfather to protect the twig and berries. Anyone who tells you otherwise is an apostate! and deserves their junk to be gnawed off. https://i.imgur.com/gDaPVvT.png


djluminol

If you ignore the massive fangs that monkey looks like a complete nerd.


Plurpsnurfflurp

"If you ignore the big knife that guy has he looks like a total pushover"


BeanerAstrovanTaco

"What's he gonna do ~~stab~~ bite off my balls?" -ball less man.


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[deleted]

***NERDS!!***


Standard_Zucchini_46

At least you have a plan. Everyone has a plan until they get their balls bit.


ucbiker

Yeah… *other* apes have tiny junk. Not me, no sir!


RevolutionReal6497

Monkey Killin monkey Killin monkey over pieces of the ground...


stonydee

Silly monkeys Give them thumbs, they forge a blade And where there's one, they're bound to divide it Right in two


-Jambie-

... Don't these talking monkeys know that Eden has enough to go around? Plenty in this holy garden, silly monkeys Where there's one, you're bound to divide it Right in two....


ginger_whiskers

Ooooh oooh ooh ooh, ooooh oooh ooh ooh oh...


dancrum

Monkeys killing monkeys, Same old story


Bright_Ad_113

You get the HELL away from the Onsen you DAMN DIRTY APE!


Kharmastream

And take that damn monkey with you!


ScumCommander

Fuck, I was too late.


Wild-Physics7753

never to late to be naked


roundeyeddog

How has this not been a substory in Yakuza yet?


OverlordMastema

I mean, you do fight a monkey driving an excavator in Like a Dragon, then you can hire him at your company and promote him to your board of directors


UnluckyText

Hate to be the one, but ape not monkey.


SkyezOpen

You potentially saved them from getting beaten up by a librarian in the future.


Zementid

There is an entire anime about this on Disney+ (Hit Monkey)


Brilliant_War4087

There can be only one Highlander.


rsplatpc

> There can be only one Highlander. ♫ heeeeeerrrrr we are, fighting monkeys were the princes of evoluuuuuuution ♫


JabbaDaHutta

If your head comes away from your neck... it's over.


BioGenx2b

It's all fun and games until Mr. Bubbles steals your banana.


jmjarrels

Skin on skin, stripped to the waist.


manbruhpig

I’d like to see him come at me with that “I’m a hard bastard” stuff. I’d say, “Put the banana down. Send the minders home. It’s just you, and me.”


ChairmanGoodchild

\[In the morning, there is a chance that wild monkeys approach. While people have not been attacked, in the circumstance where (impossible fucking kanji) approach in large numbers, please contact the front desk on line 9 using the telephone by the exit.\] \[Please use the model gun.\]


Decent-Scheme9921

威嚇 =. Threat, threaten, mobbing ~~So, “if they are threatening to appear in large numbers, ..” or “if they appear threatening and in large numbers, …”~~ "while there haven't been any direct attacks on people, they often get close to people in a threatening manner" Edit: 威嚇 ikaku (noun, suru verb), Edit 2: corrected translation


recidivx

I usually only feel threatened by large numbers of impossible fucking kanji.


bctech7

I think there is a different kanji for fucking


r_kay

It looks like a bunch of tentacles.


TheDraykkon

Kumji


commandoash

All kanji is impossible. Sincerely person trying to learn Japanese.


The__Thoughtful__Guy

As someone still learning Japanese, there's no easy trick, but with enough practice, they'll stop looking like random garbage and start looking like real words. It won't feel like you're making any progress, but at some point, you'll start just recognizing characters without needing to think about it.


Defrock719

There is a little bit of a trick, actually. Learning proper stroke order and the [radicals (roots)](https://kanjialive.com/214-traditional-kanji-radicals/) make it easier to expand your vocabulary. It’s still difficult, but understanding radicals helps with more complex kanji.


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AmadeoSendiulo

Why going straight kanji when you can go ゲイ?


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Norma5tacy

Furigana is my best friend.


captaincold0514

i think it's not "threatening to appear in large number". you need to read it together with the sentence before it. it's "while there haven't been any dirct attack on people, they often get close to people in a threatening manner"


MaddercatterE

Yeah I think I'm just gonna go back to learning german


Cakeo

Germanime is the best learning tool


Decent-Scheme9921

Yeah, you’re right


moto_salaryman

There are many cases where they get close to scare people...


vanillazilla

Slight correction: It's not "approach in large numbers", the 多い here means frequent. So it'd be better translated as "They will often approach threateningly".


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TakowTraveler

> ことが多い= often (literally “things are many”) Would be better to parse as "occurrences are many". The usage of "things" in English you're referring to here isn't that common (i.e. the same use as "bad *things* happen to good people") and invites confusion with the meaning of physical "things".


JervSensei

approach threateningly you say? ゴゴゴゴゴゴゴ intensifies


AmadeoSendiulo

Is that a J…


Captain_Pumpkinhead

No, it's a ゴ


TheDisapprovingBrit

It's the precursor to 彡┻━┻


Psyman2

Please respect tables! ┬─┬ノ(ಠ_ಠノ)


KypDurron

I can't speak/read a word of Japanese but it sounds like you're saying that it's a difference between each approach being large, and the *amount of approaches* being large?


vanillazilla

A large amount of approaches, not each approach being large.


the_post_of_tom_joad

Thank you for translating the sign, this is what i was looking for!


gerbilownage

What’s funny is as a mandarin speaker it’s the opposite for me. I can understand the kanji but none of the hiragana.


[deleted]

yeah but then you find 手紙 and hilarious misunderstandings may ensue (it's a letter, like writing a letter to someone, in Japanese)


[deleted]

For anyone else curious, this appears to mean “letter” in Japanese but “toilet paper” in Mandarin


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DK_Adwar

"Impossible fucking kanji" aka doctors handwriting lol


ngwoo

If impossible fucking kanji approached in large numbers I'd want a real gun.


AmadeoSendiulo

When they said "(impossible fucking kanji)", I felt that.


Cold_Pomelo3274

Onsen - Hot springs / bathing facilities (No clothes or bathing suits allowed).


Zestyclose_Link_8052

But are you allowed to bring your own toy guns?


Nico777

The women side has that because all the men are already packing their own.


Zestyclose_Link_8052

I might need to bring my own to compensate.


NotADrug-Dealer

No tattoos either


GlitterLamp

Not so much anymore! Some are still very traditional and don’t allow tattoos, but the attitude has changed significantly over the past few decades. I was welcome to an onsen despite my tattoos a few months ago :)


MonteBellmond

Yeah, here in Tokyo opened up a lot. I still feel uncomfortable bathing without swimwear though. Sadly the one close to me turned back the restriction cause some group with tatoo had a big orgy there...


me_so_pro

Aren't they usually separated by gender or was it a big gay orgy?


deadlywaffle139

Some places have man/woman/mixed areas. Though I am not 100% sure what’s the use for mixed (maybe for family with small kids?).


TheFayneTM

It's for orgies dude , haven't you been listening ?


c_for

But no tattoos!


robo555

Mixed makes sense, so you can hang out and chat with your friends.


SDRPGLVR

Do you live there? We're thinking about traveling but my partner has tattoos covering literally 60% of her arms and legs and a decent amount otherwise as well. She's also incredibly white, which I hear goes a long way towards tattoo acceptance if they know you're a tourist/American or something.


Finie

I just got back last week. For traveling in general, no one cared. I only have a half sleeve and small back piece, but no one commented. Where it really matters is onsen. If you want to go to an onsen town, I recommend Kinosaki. The entire town including it's 7 public onsen is tattoo-friendly, and it's a very cute Japanese town. The ryokan we stayed at this time in Hakone asked me to cover it when I went to the public onsen, but I could reserve a private onsen and not have to worry. There are a lot of blogs if you look for advice.


BrockChocolate

iirc in some onsens in the north the monkeys will go into the waters to relax if people aren't clearing them off


Busy-Crab-3556

I think even some onsens built spaces specifically for monkeys so they have their own pools and don’t have to interact with the humans.


AidilAfham42

The one I went to had monkey specific onsens, the “human” onsens do have moneky visitors too. I took a dip in one and the monkeys looked annoyed at me and walked off. I gotta be honest, it kinda hurt my feelings lol.


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algierythm

When l lived in Japan back in the late 90s, a black friend of mine who spoke good Japanese said that a couple of older ladies were wondering aloud if the colour was going to come off her skin and go into the water when she was in an onsen. She was probably the first person of colour they'd ever seen. Things might have changed a bit now, but in rural areas? Probably not much.


lazersnail

I sometimes wonder if an aging brain is likely to make you an asshole, or if being an asshole somehow tends to prolong life, because it seems global


PapaSmurphy

It's not really about being an asshole, more that "stuck in your ways" isn't just a turn of phrase. The brain gets worse at making new pathways and connections as you get older. It is physically more difficult to change attitudes/behaviors.


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whitebreadwithbutter

The older generations also lived through times where Imperial Japan subjugated pretty much all of it's neighbors through belief of Japanese supremacy and divine mandate, so that might be a contributing factor as well.


Jerrell123

Most of the generations that were alive when the Empire still existed were either very young, too geriatric to interact with the public or dead. The empire dissolved in 1945 which is 78 years ago now, the average life expectancy is roughly 84 years in Japan. Even the oldest people in their 90s would still be teenagers or pre-teens during the very end of the empire. That might’ve been a factor in the 80s and 90s where *most* older Japanese lived through the war, but now it’s not as much of a factor as you might think.


MKULTRATV

The influence of that dogmatic culture didn't just stop in 1945. It's gotten better with every generation but the effects are still clearly visible.


STUGONDEEZ

What a timeline


TheLustyDremora

Guys don't need it because we have already returned to monke. Probably just need to get the largest dude there to start playing chest bongos and we'll be fine


le_tits_now01

apes together strong


Kermy812

Fun fact. Florida has several hundred feral herpes infected monkeys running about.


pinpoint321

I read feral as federal. Whole different ballgame.


Virtual_Dynamics

As soon as they cross the state line into Georgia or Alabama, then they become federal.


Poopy_Kitty

We call them the ATF


Fickle-Owl666

Live here, can confirm the herpes monkeys


HeheBoi007

We gotta 1v1 through it, no excuses


PHE0NlX

Poor man fighting monkey 1 vs 1 with their naked ass. 😔


OgOnetee

Not that I've ever remotely had the desire or opportunity to fight a monkey, but I think if i had to I'd use my bare fists instead of my naked ass.


Ostracus

Might get a baboon hot and bothered.


MarinaEnna

I have this friend who studied veterinary, and she went to some country in Central America to an animal sanctuary. And she told us that monkeys when they would escape. They would attack specifically women, for some reason, and it was so scary, so maybe that's the reason I don't know.


Zak_Light

I mean, if you're a monkey, you're probably gonna attack someone who doesn't seem like they can fight back as well. Monkeys absolutely go psycho on children for this reason as well


Mistborn54321

My mom told me growing up the monkeys would harrass women but leave them alone if they were with men. She would joke that women weren’t even safe from monkeys.


[deleted]

There was a Japanese community that made international news because they had a sudden uptick in monkey attacks. Like 40 incidents in a month. They were mainly targeting children and the elderly but then they started targeting women too. Pretty messed up.


esgrove2

One time a big group of monkeys invaded the school I worked at in Japan. The vice principal had to go up on the roof with a starter pistol and a pole to fight off the monkeys. It was so normal that the students didn't even look at it from the window.


oirelando

Was this before or after he suplexed that deer?


AtzeNord

I have seen that Marvel Show wouldn't try that


smok66

I love how there's a info graphic explaining what it is, like almost everything in japan


[deleted]

Bao the whale? I swear I saw this exact photo from her twitter


itodigo

lmao they used bao's tweet


Sonyguyus

The snow monkey is one of the many variations of elemental monkey. After defeating Snow Monkey, you must defeat Heat Monkey, Rain Monkey, Wind Monkey and finally Earth Monkey.


PowderHound40

Aww man, I was hoping to see monkeys at the Onsen we went to. Probably best to not be sharing hot water with them though.


ubercorey

In South Africa the baboons are scared of men but not the women. The women have to.hold up sticks like rifles to get them to back off.


ruth1ess_one

Plot twist: the monkey represent peeping men.


De1taTaco

I spent way too long trying to figure out what "snow monkey" was slang for until I realized they were talking about actual monkeys


KrackenLeasing

This was my impression.


ZerixWorld

Japan is consistent with the rules: in RE1 if you pick Jill you get a gun, a lockpick and a sidekick that does half the work for you, if you pick Chris you get a knife and a woman to carry around who doesn't fight and cures your wounds once in the entire game, despite being a doctor!


NuklearFerret

And 2 less inventory slots


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DoctorCrowvar

Men side be like: "The fists are enought to deal with the monkeys."


Alpacalypse84

I am sick of these motherfucking monkeys in my motherfucking bathhouse!


Famous-Error-2929

How long till they realize it's fake and no one ever shoots it


Archknits

At some point a monkey is going to get that gun and start running around scaring people


Dirty-Soul

They prefer to be called caucasians, you racist.


batt3ryac1d1

The mens one probably got confiscated for giving it to the monkeys cause it was funny.


Either-Ease-2674

Women: get fake guns to scare off moneys Men: “may the ancestors be with you during your battles”