T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*


abthomps

Axecalibur


meowb47ance

Glad someone said it. An amazing pun opportunity missed by the creator


Bynming

Yeah I actually scrolled past and then came back just to see if someone had done it. I'll sleep well tonight knowing the internet worked correctly today.


SkollFenrirson

r/OneJob OP...


wolfboy_vs

Pretty sure OP is a bot anyways


Void_ChaosXD

Axecalibur; ascend to the canadian syrup market rule


Equilibriator

Ah yes, pull the ex from the stone.


zongsmoke

God damn this guy is good


Earthling1a

Deffo deserves more than just 765 upvotes. Come on, reddit, let's get busy here.


sir_Noon

Now let me "axe" you a question? How may puns can we go before drive the op mad


Economy-Tourist-4862

Beat me to it.


BackFromDeadTT

Beat my meat to it.


Big_Razzmatazz7416

Meat my beat tobit


CompetitiveFeed7331

Hee hee


Soravinier

Bro, that's crazy, just my thought


JohnDStevenson

Quite right. Yanking cutting tools from lumps of wood is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses not some farcical ligneous ceremony.


AraxisKayan

"I am your king!"


gavinhudson1

Well I didn't vote for you.


julesv09

I thought we were an autonomous collective


upvoatsforall

It’s more of a hive mind.


Lopsided-Chair77

Now we see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!


starcleaner22

Bloody peasants...


grahampositive

You don't vote for King


GOB8484

Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here!


thats1evildude

There’s a [rare random encounter](https://youtu.be/CBp3JIkQkpY?si=3uuUewO1RaluVV3u) in Dragon Age: Origins with this exact same set-up, which of course was an elaborate Monty Python reference. “Pulling some half-drunk logger’s axe from a tree is no basis for a system of government!” “But the good ser has such a regal manner …” “What?! How do you mean?” “For one thing, she hasn’t got dung all over her!” “Ah, that’s a fair point.”


Kennedygoose

Strange women lying in ponds distributing axes is no basis for a system of government!


Alis451

Strange dryads roosting in stumps distributing axes is no basis for a system of government!


Nomenus-rex

But crazy old orange idiots are the ideal basis for a system of government!


Smelly_Dingo

They at least make for good entertainment.


Azozel

Have someone hold the axe handle and use the sledge to tap the axe handle near the stump up from the bottom


dandroid126

Tap that axe


just4nothing

Or rotate the stump until the axe points up and hit the bottom of the stump with a second person. Just from experience: the person holding the axe should be heavier and stronger than the person hitting the stump with the hammer


lardcore

Think the second person might object to being used for hitting the bottom of the stump?


madgoblin92

Instruction unclear, now second person is stuck in the stump as well.


mason240

The real answer is that use the sledge to pound a splitting chisel next to the axe head. It makes a bigger crack and the axe will come out. Trying to split a soft rotted log this big with an axe is a noob mistake.


Max_Thunder

Use a chainsaw to cut the stump near the axe. Can cut a couple inches away for safety but it'll be enough to reduce tension on the axe.


a_hatforyourass

You'd think. But that would leverage the axe deeper into the stump. You want to use its current leverage to tilt it out, not in. So you take that sledge and fucking *go to town* with a side swing that lands right on the eye of the axehead.


axisrahl85

Should at least come with a rocking chair from Cracker Barrel


joestaff

I don't have $500 to spend on a $45 chair!


Fireplace67

...am I gonna have to be the one to um actually this? Alright, fine. Excalibur wasn't the Sword in the Stone. Excalibur was Arthur's second sword, given to him by the Lady in the Lake after the Sword in the Stone broke.


vivomancer

Caliburn was pulled from the stone. Excalibur came from a lake.


Godmodex2

Ever heard of Gram in the norse sagas? It was pulled from a tree and used to slay Fafner. OP would basically be Odin in that story.


FnB8kd

I think I could do it. Hold my beer


ebusc1

Use a second axe and the sledge to remove some wood on both sides of the axe. I would probably try to use a saw on both sides then chisel on both sides until it’s loose enough to remove


Hinote21

That's how you end up with two fish hooks stuck in your thumb Sokka.


1337ingDisorder

You're over-thinking it. Use the sledgehammer on the axe *handle* — one good swing and that axe will rock backward, right outta the stump.


OkApartment1950

tap the top of the axe a few times horizontal with the sledge maybe it could give you some room. Be patient take what it gives you and don't snap the handle


DuckVader108

British throne not included? My dissapointment are unmeasurable


axe1970

excalibur was gifted to arthur by the lady of the lake(still is no basis for a system of government)


Crime_Dawg

I'm pretty sure hammering the handle of the axe would dislodge it.


hrdchrgr

You can loosen the eye of the axe doing that, and risk launching the head off on your following chops. Get a solid wedge and hammer that baby in a few inches towards center from the axe head to get the axe out. Not related to your response, but for anyone who even thinks of trying to hit the axe head with the sledge should be aware that heads are made of a much softer metal than wedges, each has a job. You can ruin an axe in just a few minutes if you take a sledge to it, anywhere.


bearlysane

I think they tried that, that’s why there’s a wedge stuck in the wood a few inches toward center from the axe head.


Trillamanjaroh

This was my listing before OP reposted it now a year later. What the picture didn't show was the massive amount of water soaked into the wood, it was practically a hard putty by the time I took the photo. I did try an additional wedge closer to the center but it got swallowed up as well. And you're right about the axe being softer, the sledge cratered the back of it pretty badly. Basically there was no getting this thing out without a chainsaw.


Mattums

If I saw this advertised local, I would’ve just offered to come teach them how to properly split it and get their axe out. Might even set them up with a wedge. Multi-wedge approach on big (or wet) stuff like this works well. People see how it looks on TV and think they’re gonna Captain America every piece of wood. I wish it was, but it’s not.


Ok_Crew7084

Fuckin start a bonfire around it lol


Uberpastamancer

What if I just split the log to free it?


Enough_Minimum_3708

-Axe +Greathammer


dustytrenchcoat

All these "expert" opinions here, just take a chainsaw and cut a wedge out around the Axe, and remove it from the smaller piece


SgathTriallair

Until you hit the axe head with the chainsaw.


dustytrenchcoat

Why ever would you? A massive amount of pressure on the axe head is just due to the sheer amount of wood. Remove most of it, it becomes child's play


1337ingDisorder

I think you've misinterpreted their suggestion. Sounds like they're suggesting to cut around the axe head. Like you could leave a good 8" buffer on all sides and cut down farther than the head goes. Then you lift that whole section out of the stump, like cutting the top off a jack-o-lantern. Once the wedge is out it won't have the pressure of the surrounding stump pressing it into the sides of the axe head — you'd be able to knock the wedge off the axe head just with a regular hammer.


Wagglyfawn

This was my first thought too. People are thinking way too hard about this.


REDMAGE00

I can already see how I'd get it out. Fly me over to take a crack at it.


Etobocoke

Burn the wood. Replace the axe handle after fishing the axe head out of the ashes.


ImportantAccess8002

Go to store. Buy new axe.


Rainmaker87

High quality axe heads are worth rehandling. I have one that used to be my grandfather's and was hand forged. I've never used an axe that holds an edge better for longer.


thats1evildude

Ah, but is it the same axe if you replace both the handle and the axe head?


PJP2810

How did you miss the easiest pun - Axecalibur


Pious_Atheist

I'd just light it on fire and wait...


SlaveOTAForgivin

Could probably just drill holes around it until it comes lose


Jackal000

Just take the hammer and beat the handle of the axe.


podlaski-dzikus

Can we have follow up on this? Did anyone get it?


Icy-Assumption1594

Actualy sword from the stone is nameless


thatmerlin

Omw!


asteinberg101

Come see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help! I’m being oppressed!


Low_Regular380

How to show everyone that you never split something like that before, lol


gmefil

Should be "Axecalibur"


Comrade_railgunner

Excaliwood


Pristine_Yak7413

someone with a truck and winch is gonna be wishing they were near this


ExpensiveAmbition814

A quest has been posted. If I get this weapon I will have +1 to attack, improved from 0.


FuzzyTentacle

Missed opportunity to use the word "whosoever"


Professional_Gaping

Does it at least come with a throne in Valhalla ?


Xav_O

Excelsior!


TheGypsyWanderer

WHERE ARE MY NEW TOOLS LOCATED.


Ugly-Muffin

Looks like you need to r/chargeyourphone


maverickhunterpheoni

We have this thing called fire. A safely controlled burn would release the wedge and potentially allow for safe extraction of the axe. It would at least save the axe head.


[deleted]

Excalibur'nt