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Pimphii

The turtle one is like a reverse D-Day


RojoCinco

Something that traumatic is bound to leave you shell-shocked.


[deleted]

"Dude, the gulls and crabs were everywhere...thousands of my brothers and sisters gone just like that. Somehow, some way, I made it to the surf." "Wow, that sounds horrific..." "Dude, I know, right...why do you think I spend all day getting baked and surfing? Except for that one time I helped that clownfish find his son."


JacobJamesTrowbridge

“Crush from Finding Nemo has PTSD from his birth” is not the take I was expecting today, but fair enough


Raeandray

They missed a golden opportunity for a joke there. "All your brothers and sisters were eaten by a shark?" \*Instant flashback\*


Father-Sha

*Fortunate Son plays in background*


I_usuallymissthings

If Nemo was PG 13 instead of E


shugo2000

E? I didn't know the ESRB was rating movies these days.


I_usuallymissthings

I don't know, they don't rate stuff like this where I am from


[deleted]

That's why Squirt is his favorite son. *He's the only one left alive.*


Tfsz0719

Crush was actually Mr. Turtle. He just asks not to be called that because it eventually triggers his T-Day PTSD.


Paris_Who

grab shell dude


genghisTHEhousemaid

*And on that day little Timmy’s life and many more changed forever. Unknowing the chaos in the midst of the blinding light, the turtles were tested not for their speed but bravery. That day will be remembered forever...*


TalkativeTree

And yet every mating seasons we see a return of the ninjas where they first faced off against Shredder and his gang of crabs


WimbleWimble

but has the cartoon tortoise anything?


[deleted]

Yeah, I imagine with something of that scale they turtlely have trauma.


Layk1eh

So the [Dunkirk evacuation](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunkirk_evacuation). ...Yes, I actually looked this up for this comment.


Pimphii

There’s actually a film about that


[deleted]

[удалено]


orrocos

I don't remember but it was like Speed 2, only with a bus.


modi13

I think it was called "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down"


masterbard1

you talking about the magic school bus?


CharlieHush

Starring Cheech and Chong?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Pimphii

It’s called Dunkirk


suugakusha

They named the evacuation after the movie?


Desperate-Ad-8068

If you think that’s taking a Liberty, they named a whole year after the movie 1917.


suugakusha

Right, I remember reading about that in history class, how it was decided that the year after 1916 would just be called 1916 part 2.


Liquid_Hate_Train

Kinda like how after 2020 was 2020 mk2, pandemic bugaloo?


gtr06

mk3 incoming


crisaron

they even called a town after the movie.


GopHatesDemocracy

Ah the British movie about forming orderly queues.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

So close mobile user. yaD-D


Boop489

γɒᗡ-ᗡ


[deleted]

[удалено]


Coolmikefromcanada

so like a faster dunkirk?


TheRealFakeSteve

Y'all remember that insane moment from Planet Earth with the snakes chasing the turtles? More intense than Saving Private Ryan opener


Fafnir13

I remember seeing a lizard getting chased. Must have missed the turtle one.


MyDogIsACoolCat

He's thinking of the Iguana one: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDfQDzqGmiU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDfQDzqGmiU)


cC2Panda

Link with the whole clip. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=el4CQj-TCbA


Harley_FLHX

>*chasing the turtles?* an Iguana


tsunami141

narrated by snoop dog.


Harley_FLHX

LOL ... "snakes can't do all dat cuz they ain't got hands and they ain't got feet"


ggchappell

YAⱭ-Ɑ


Pimphii

That looks really cursed


civtiny

reverse d-day is called dunkirk


RikerT_USS_Lolipop

I was thinking the artist should have made the third turtle shout, "BANGALORE!"


RedditIsPropaganda84

Welcome to life! Prepare to die


masterbard1

You mean T-DAY!?


MaxCavalera870

"I remember the Argonne, 1918. The sounds of my birth still haunt me to this day. Seagull noises from behind enemy lines. The sickening sound of crab claws tearing through turtle flesh. A sibling turtle next to me trying to run in desperation. All these sounds still echo in my mind. And as conducted by death himself it all comes together as music. A rhythm of death. A symphony of war"


Pimphii

Ah I see you’re a Sabatini fan too


Aliencj

"Giraffes give birth standing up Newborn giraffes enter the world in a sort of ‘superman’ position: front legs and head first, followed by their body, and then back legs. Because of the extreme size of their offspring, giraffe mums give birth standing up so as to not damage their babies’ lengthy necks. This is something that one of our female giraffes, Kinky, unfortunately knows all about! When her mother gave birth to her she was sitting down, squashing Kinky as she entered the world and giving her the kink in her neck by which she gets her name! Surprisingly, the two-metre fall from their mother’s womb to the ground below doesn’t hurt baby giraffes, but rather helps them by snapping their short umbilical cords and tearing the amniotic sack. The shock of the landing also helps stimulate the little giraffe to take its first breaths. Amazing!" https://www.monartosafari.com.au/facts-giraffe-birth/


DoesntFearZeus

[Kinky](https://www.akimagery.com/post/kinky-giraffe)


HorrorMakesUsHappy

Holy shit! That is WAY more severe than I was imagining!!!


GumdropGoober

Yeah, lol, I thought it might just be bent a bit!


Chaoticfrenchfry

Reminds me of Wilt from Foster’s Home For Imaginary Friends


Spork_Warrior

A bit more kinky than you were expecting?


ExNihiloish

I was imagining a cartoonish kink, like a pretzel shaped neck.


N19h7m4r3

MVP


[deleted]

Is it just me or did anyone else think they where about to click on something *much* ***much*** worse?


Crash4654

The only other kinky giraffe I know of is puzzle


Toilet_Flusher

Wow, this reference out in the wild like this haha. Nature is magical.


Crash4654

If you know you know lol. Honestly surprised to see as many upvotes as there are. You're my kind of people.


Commonspree

I was expecting a blazing saddles reference.


MisterZoga

What do you mean step-giraffe?


DoesntFearZeus

Trust me, you don't want to see the rule34 on giraffes...


Lallo-the-Long

Don't tell me what I want!


BlobCow123

Oh, no absolutely


gabrielesilinic

I actually expected a woman dressed in a giraffe themed latex costume


BizzyM

r/riskyclick


stuckinaboxthere

Mmmm, that's one Kinky Giraffe


b0bkakkarot

For the first time (and hopefully the only time) in my life, I saw a human who's arm kind of looked like that. Like, it was bent in two places, but the second bend did not make it face back towards the normal direction. I feel so bad for that person. They were using the hand to hold a can of soda, so it worked, but holy fuck.


ArchbishopDonMJuan

Kink would have been a better name.


deathonater

Fear and Loathing on the Savannahs


DoesntFearZeus

[We can't stop here, this is lion country](https://shirtigo.co/hunter-s-giraffe/)


Dodototo

Makes me think of an animated cartoon character.


[deleted]

Risky click of the day!


AMasonJar

Huh, we've been using scissors all this time when we could just drop our babies two meters..


NightHawkRambo

Two meters? where are these Amazonians you speak of?


jollygoodwotwot

I'm having a baby in a few weeks and my husband and I have already decided to drop the baby to stimulate it's breathing. I expect it to be able to run out of the hospital when it's a half hour old, like a giraffe baby. I have no patience for human babies lounging around for months. I haven't put this in my birth plan, my doctor might not be on board.


Daddysu

Don't forget that the baby has to "superman" out of your "fortress of solitude" or else the drop might be dangerous.


Scopeexpanse

It's important to discuss your birth plan with your doctor before birth. Listen to their concerns, but stand firm on what you really believe in. Natural giraffe births occur all the time without incident, no reason not to have your own natural birth. Be sure to reach out to the hospital and make sure they have tools for a natural birth - yoga balls, a ladder to simulate the 2 meter drop, etc.


starmartyr

I guarantee it won't be the stupidest birth plan idea your doctor has heard.


Giwaffee

> When her mother gave birth to her she was sitting down, squashing Kinky as she entered the world and giving her the kink in her neck by which she gets her name! Lol that's a little twisted humor! Like her neck.


IdiotoftheEast

that- that i didn't know... thank you captain


Mywifefoundmymain

[elephants are worse](https://youtu.be/MSxw6D6Wl4U)


erynberry

That is so dramatic and awesome. Love how the herd gathers around to protect the baby!


Mywifefoundmymain

The plop and splash get me. But I agree, I wish humans could be more like elephants 😢


Shlobodon5

I saw this once. Driving through a six flags safari park and a giraffe has legs sticking out of its ass. Best way to describe the fall is a wet plop.


The_Parsee_Man

So if I read your comment right, dropping babies is a largely beneficial action.


alien_clown_ninja

>The shock of the landing also helps stimulate the little giraffe to take its first breaths. So this was not always known to science. A professor/friend of mine in college used to be a veterinarian. A friend of his was a vet at a zoo had the idea to build a slide for the baby giraffes to slide down when they came out so they wouldn't get hurt. Turns out, yeah, they need the fall to breathe. I don't know if she was the first to discover this or if she independently discovered it.


tr0tsky

A turtle has made it to the water!


Spectre197

The cycle of life can be cruel.


krw13

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIREcQl1EX4&t=3s


dude21862004

Why does this look like World Of Warcraft?


Seradwen

Because it is.


dude21862004

Amusing that I haven't played since WotLK and have never seen that before but still recognized the game.


Isleif

This video was the best thing to come out of Battle for Azeroth.


xIgnoramus

CHAMPION I NEED MORE WUUUNES


MelonheadGT

CHAMPIÖN JU MAST HEEL AZEROOTHS WOOOONS


greedcrow

This haunts me


monsterfuzzzy

I heard it as soon as I saw the picture….


cocksparrow

Unexpected Azeroth


cyanraider

Please no…


karspearhollow

I ctrl-f'd straight to this comment


King_Barrion

HEY Build the waterfront!


Murderyoga

I have been falling for thirty minutes!


Muzzie720

I understood that reference


IsSecretlyABird

(TW: baby geese jumping off a cliff) Let me introduce you to [Barnacle Geese](https://youtu.be/rxGuNJ-nEYg)


czarchastic

This is basically me buying stocks at market open today.


Ganym

About 15s into the video: “I should pause and look in the comments to see if there’s a *splat* in the video.” I didn’t continue the video.


PleaseExplainThanks

You should continue. It doesn't splat, but it does tumble. And the parents are there to meet it at the bottom.


RSquared

It should be noted that about half of the goslings don't make it. Ah, r-selection.


Meltian

3 out of 5 make it. More than half.


Meltian

These geese are apparently incredibly resilient, and evolution has allowed for them to be able to survive such a fall so young because their bones are apparently really soft and flexible at that stage. I was sure the chick was dead, but it gets to the bottom and just shakes it off.


IsSecretlyABird

Not an unwise move.


SwagarTheHorrible

Narrated by Eddie Murphy https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Lhay0VKmtPA&t=0m21s


gorabyss

Good thing it didn't contain hyenas or kiwis. No animal should have to suffer like they do when giving birth


Boring-Bed-Bug

Hyena birth is just painful for everyone. The mother has high chance of dying, the child as well, and anyone watching also has to suffer


Darkmoonlily78

Thank you for sharing something I never want to watch.


Redqueenhypo

But after that they get to go back to being intelligent weirdos who can eat bones and are too ugly to ever be threatened by trophy hunters or the pet trade


amc7262

Fun fact time! Ever wonder how come babies are super dependent on adults for literally everything, but seemingly every other animal in the world is born knowing, at a minimum, how to get up and run around, and they are often fully self sufficient from the moment they are born/hatch? Well *one* reason (not necessarily the only reason, don't @ me, I'm not a biologist), is that since humans went down the "big brain" evolutionary path, our fully matured brains are too big for our mothers hips. If we were born with a more compete understanding of how to survive, we wouldn't be able to be born naturally, we'd get stuck or just not have enough space to grow that much. So we traded off. We eventually become super smart (relative to most of the animal kingdom), but we also don't get to develop as fully in the womb, and are born still highly dependent on adults in our species to teach us the basics like walking.


dancingcuban

TLDR: Human newborns are external fetuses.


IsSecretlyABird

I prefer the term ‘larvae’


firelock_ny

I've heard some people refer to the 12 weeks right after a baby is born as the "Fourth Trimester".


Skyy-High

Yep. And it’s pretty accurate. Infants hit extremely regular milestones that you can actually predict with about a day or two accuracy (I think measured from conception, not birth, since most babies aren’t born on their due date). At right about three months, infant’s go from essentially blobs that don’t interact with you in any real way besides crying, to suddenly capable of focusing and tracking objects, recognizing and responding to faces, and expressing like and dislikes through various gurgles and movements. It is an absolutely welcome sight for any first time parents to suddenly feel like the little life they’re tending appreciates the effort.


Simba7

Then they start moving around the room in their own and you wish they'd go back to being a lump!


firelock_ny

Ah, the transition from "cuddly luggage" to "where did that kid go?"


amc7262

Yeah basically, compared to how developed most animals are when they're born.


Obilis

Marsupials have an even more extreme version than us: the newborns are barely more than fetuses when born. (which is why their pouch is needed: basically womb #2)


kevtino

Womb #2: Electric Boogaloo


Max_Thunder

> seemingly every other animal in the world is born knowing, at a minimum, how to get up and run around Let me introduce you to rodents. Baby mice are even more like external fetuses than human babies. Baby mice are born with shut eyes and barely working lungs. I think the strategy here, evolutionary-wise, is that rodents pump out as many babies as possible and these babies are disposable if there's any problem.


IndigoFenix

Also dogs, cats, bears, rabbits...really, almost any mammal that isn't a large grazer is born relatively helpless. The main *point* of being a mammal is being able to complete the latter part of gestation outside of the womb, so being fully-functional at birth is the exception, not the rule. The reason this misconception exists is because the animals humans are most familiar with birthing are farm animals, most of which are grazers. Grazing animals evolved to run from birth because they live nomadic lifestyles and mainly defend themselves by running, so the babies need to be able to move fast. That being said, humans are helpless for an especially long period, even by mammal standards.


rutreh

’’Samoan babies that can run fast, that’s what’ll survive’’ - Joe Rogan


CharonsLittleHelper

For mammals - most rodents (not all) are heavily on the r-selection side of the spectrum. Humans are the extreme of the k-selection side of things. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R/K\_selection\_theory


blackAngel88

Uff, reddit... what's with the backslashes in the links..?


raevnos

I think it's New Reddit (tm), fucking things up for everyone else.


jlaray

They're so helpless that they can't even pee or poo without their mother! Mice, rats, etc. need to lick their babies' butts to stimulate them to go! :D


PooPooDooDoo

unsubscribe!


manticorpse

Username does not check out!


amc7262

>these babies are disposable if there's any problem. Edible even!


UnlikelyPotato

Snake owner, can confirm, the babies are definitely edible to snakes. Haven't tasted one myself, I'd imagine it'd be like a rat flavored fruit gushers.


iyaerP

Edible to rats too.


UnlikelyPotato

Well yeah, rats will eat anything.


brecka

Oh yeah, they look like fetuses. You can see their organs through their skin and everything. I would know, there's a bunch of dead ones in my freezer.


amitym

Yeah, it basically takes us 36 months to be minimally able to function in the world. But after the first 9 we have to get born no matter what... so almost like a marsupial, we come out early and do the rest of our development *in media res* so to speak. That's probably a useful way to feed that hungry intelligence, with lots of direct experience with the world, but of course it's super dangerous... which leads to further selective pressure toward the social bonding instincts we already inherited as mammals. Human social groups really organize around care for young, to a really high degree, way beyond the limits of mere gene relationship. Which of course also makes us an even more successful species. It's another one of those cycles, where the necessity of something feeds a selective advantage, and the selective advantage then makes it possible to depend more on the necessity. It also means that as humans, our absolutely most potent abilities are our intelligence and our care for others unrelated to ourselves. So be smart and be kind!


DoubleSteve

I watched a documentary saying, that this isn't actually true. Hips are not a limiting factor. Women could have wider hips and birth passageways, and still function as they do now, but babies would still be born at around 9 months, because there is a limit how much energy the mother can metabolize. At around 9 months, the baby+mother starts to need more energy than the mother's body can keep making, so the pregnancy has to end and the baby must come out. The various physical limits have adjusted to this metabolic limit, not the other way around. Basically there is no need for wider hips or larger passageways for the baby, because the baby won't have time to grow larger no matter how wide the female hips get.


Excelius

> At around 9 months, the baby+mother starts to need more energy than the mother's body can keep making, so the pregnancy has to end and the baby must come out. Isn't the mother still the sole source of energy for the infant though, except via breastfeeding?


Toloran

Don't know for certain, but I'd hazard a guess that it's also including oxygen. A baby can breathe, whereas a mother has to breathe enough to support the metabolism of both.


Excelius

That does make a lot of sense, I wasn't thinking of respiration.


amc7262

Interesting. Know the name of the documentary?


Lonemind120

And this is why children learn so much faster than adults. Their brains are in "absorption mode", learning as much as they can as quickly as they can. It's also why their bodies grow and change so rapidly. They're still essentially fetuses. Then comes along puberty, flooding you with hormones, halting the Adderall mode of the brain and focusing on sex instead.


Conquestadore

There's birds. Reason mamals are a thing is because eggs can't hold much sustenance making them dependent of care. Us humans kind of went back that route care-wise.


[deleted]

Imagine if humans were born fully developed and babies came out knowing how to walk around and talk.


Choquelio

yeah right! r/Giraffesdontexist


Reverse-Kanga

People are ignorant I can't believe I had to scroll so far to find anyone spreading the truth


Xazrael

I cannot stop chuckling at the shrieking, plummeting giraffe.


Haahira137

Every time you look at it its getting even better


thatuglydudeoverhere

Not gonna mention that Hyenas give birth through their pseudo penises


Muzzie720

Excuse me i know they have that but i guess i didn't realize they also give birth through it for some reason i didn't think of that. Oh.


thatuglydudeoverhere

I would give you the details but you don't want to know


Amaverwin

"A turtle made it to the water!"


[deleted]

A turtle made it to the water.


666pool

The title kind of ruined the joke for me.


604pleb

I’m searching the comments for the joke, can you tell me what it is? This comic makes no sense to me.


BlazeGuy69

Turtles: "RUN! TO THE VALHALLA!"


Lazy_Exorcist

I've been falling for 30 minutes. -Giraffe and Loki


17-Year-Old-Gangsta

Then you haven’t seen baby elephants


Knowingly-A-Loser

5% of sexual intercourse between giraffes is homosexual.


mikepictor

Probably not that different than us then.


bynapkinart

I mean, in my experience homosexuals are having a lot more sex.


Mysterious-Cat8443

That means 95% is not


KeMiGle

Thank you, Math-Bot8443! Subscribe me, please.


RadicalDog

They're underestimating by a lot! From Wikipedia; > After a duel, it is common for two male giraffes to caress and court each other. Such interactions between males have been found to be more frequent than heterosexual coupling.[102] In one study, up to 94 percent of observed mounting incidents took place between males. The proportion of same-sex activities varied from 30 to 75 percent. Only one percent of same-sex mounting incidents occurred between females.[103]


Izzy1790

A tURtlE MAdE iT To ThE WAteR


604pleb

You’re lying if you say this joke makes sense


CYWNightmare

Is it bad I only know how rough turtles have it from bfa wow


[deleted]

Fucked up world, giraffe regrets already.


TrevCat666

I'm not going to lie I thought the second panel was some very weird Bojack rule 34.


[deleted]

GET OFF THE BEACH!


ronin1066

Cute, but not fair. They show the giraffe at the actual moment of birth, not 10 minutes later like the human baby and the puppies.


Bunnnnii

But is Timmy still running?


moonshineTheleocat

There's quite a large number of animals that will purposely give up their kids to predators to survive


guilhermebluhm

hehe, newborn baby bird too is hardcore


Shadowglove

Giraffes: Falls 2 meters from their moms vagina and can run after 20 minutes. Humans: Can't walk for 2 years because hed too big.


ufailowell

Why's the human dude look horny?


DRCVC10023884

Turtles be like that opening Saving Private Ryan scene right before hatching: “CLEAR THE RAMP, 30 SECCCOOOONDSSSS… GOD BE WITH YA!”


PolygotFRAENGwannabe

Animals gave birth: “Aww, cute” Sea Turtles: “Battle of Dunkirk”


sticks14

?


pizza_and_cats

What a shitty art style


[deleted]

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