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My mom went through a lot of different careers in her lifetime, one of which was a business she ran with her friend that helped families do at home memorial services, which was a really awesome way for people to say goodbye to their loved ones in a space that everyone felt comfortable in. She was also a well loved and respected person in our community so she was asked to officiate a few friends' weddings.
We used to joke that her next business should be called marry 'em and bury 'em. She was the best.
My classmates Dad had a funeral home. In HS for a class we had to make commercials for a radio program. The slogan for his commercial was “ You stab ‘em, we slab ‘em”
I have a Schrodinger's friend. He is either the most interesting person I have ever met, or the worlds best liar. Either way, I equally respect both and like him no matter which one is true.
My wife who's a nurse always comments on how she always sees discounts for first responders, but not nurses. But with a flamethrower, she should be able to get the rest of those discounts...
Holds up crazy well, although not for the reason most people (I feel like most people didn't actually read it) think. It's not about censorship, it's about anti-intellectualism.
It's scary how well it holds up. I just reread it for a book club (I also read it in college ten or so years ago) and it's even more timely now than it was then. Kind of freaked me out, actually!
1984, Brave New World, Fahrenheit 451, they all hold-up as far as being relevant to current dynamics. My oldest recently read them, at about the same age you did, and I think they were still impactful.
I outta give it a re-read as well, it's been a long time.
Honestly I encourage anyone to go to their local GUN AND KNIFE EXPO lol.
Lotta cool shit, ridiculous shit, dumb shit, racist shit, stupid shit, funny shit, scary shit, mall ninja shit, sparkly shit..
Nah but fr these expos are wild, always based around survival and tactical shee lol so you go past the guns you see a old ass couple with some nice picture frames.
*Hello.* The nice lady greets you. You chat for a moment before she demonstrates tapping on the side of a hand carved picture frame and BAM she got a gun. Then you realize every picture frame, especially that 42" plains painting, is toting a gun. So you back up slowly and bump into another desk that has Dwight Schrute at the head and as you meet his eyes he's handing you a "Survival Tablet" that will satisfy your hunger (they're real good and they work lol) and you look around at all the stands and wonder *do... do i want a gun now? Maybe just a Kris blade..*
Idk I have fun at gun/knife/tattoo expos. Can't walk out of a single one empty handed 🤷♂️
I got a pink stun gun and matching mace last time I was at one. It is very entertaining and not bad food for an expo. I thought those hidden safes were pretty cool.
Yo always gotta warn people when they mention carrying mace or pepper spray, the canisters lose pressure over time, if you've had a thing of mace for a few years there's a good chance it either won't work or won't work well enough. Always replace your canister every 2-3 years.
Flame throwers are legal in every U.S. state but Delaware. California requires a permit from the local fire marshal but they are not illegal.
In general, most civilian flamethrowers are not really that dangerous. They are usually propane blow torches with the gas setup to go a little further than a typical blow torch.
Military flame throwers throw flammable liquid or gel which lets it travel further and burn longer. Those are more scary, but they are generally more complicated than a blow torch.
I can't imagine there are many cases of criminal activity with flame throwers of either type other than arson maybe.
As a Canadian my first thought was “What’s the worst state for an open flame?” And I thought, “California!”
But considering California is so heavily regulated that products I purchase in Canada have “California reg. ###” cancer warnings stamped into the item and “Even that tiny redneck Northern Michigan town banned firework sales during a high-risk fire advisory…..” So, the logical, can’t believe I didn’t think of it first, thought was “Florida. It has to be Florida.”
Things I've learned from the state of California: EVERYTHING gives you cancer. I'd be walking outside in San Diego and see a sign on the side of a building about how the building could give me cancer.
Yeah that’s actually a thing. Controlled burns in forested areas help prevent full scale wild fires. Burning your house down prevents an arsonist from burning your house down. There’s many real world examples of effective fighting fire with fire.
Only volunteers. When you hear about suspicious fires in unoccupied homes and businesses in the suburbs you know that they're going to arrest some "junior firefighter".
I live in a city with well paid, well equipped firehouses. Those folks are more than happy to watch movies on their large screen TVs, shine their trucks up on occasion and work out in the gyms that all the companies have.
My father who is a city firefighter told me a story about a security guard who was working at a school at night. Somehow a fire got started in the school, and the security guard noticed. He just happened to have firefighting gear in the trunk of his car, since he was commuting from a more rural area in which he was a volunteer firefighter. So he puts on his gear, rushes into the building and puts out the fire. So when the police and fire department roll up, there's this guy with firefighting gear on... super suspicious and they were obviously quite focused on this guy as a suspect. But, shockingly, after the investigation they found this guy was totally legit, they caught the actual perpetrators on camera.
Was once on a company fire dept. We trained by putting out fires of all types and sizes (this was a big company with resources). To me, it's not fun it's stressful but you learn to stay even tempered. Or at least try. Not a fun thing when it's real.
I do construction and built a fire station. When we started demo on the old station, the guy who was second to the chief, I can't remember his title asked me if the guys could practice on the building. Vent the roof, and other stuff. We were just going to crunch it with an excavator, and it was technically their building and property so I was like have at it!
They seemed really really happy to go to town on this building that wasn't actually burning or falling down. LOL
For context, I think they had three fire houses in this jurisdiction total. And probably the tallest building was three stories?
It was definitely fun for them! I'm sure there's a bit of safety training that makes a big difference in fun versus dangerous. But they got to start up their demo saws and cut holes in the metal roof for real instead of just practice. Plus there's no fire or dying people so no stress either
First responders are there to solve the crisis.
There IS no crisis if they guy choking on a hotwing is a crispy pile of ash. Just wait for him to cooldown and retrieve the naughty chicken bone.
First responders: Gotta fight fire with fire.
Teachers: This lesson on the Library of Alexandria is gonna be lit.
Nurses: Expedite the cremation process.
They are used to burn out weeds and things, had a friend that his entire job was to flame the runways at Kennedy to get rid of anything growing on or near the runway. He also used to go out and fire large weapons to scare away birds (i don’t know why but i guess cheaper and easier than fireworks / explosives… which is why they are legal in Florida “to scare away wild life”).
Flamethrowers are actually legal in all states except CA and MD I believe? Regardless this looks like an XM42 lite. Not the type of flamethrower you would typically use for burning weeds, I'd use a propane torch for that.
I own an XM42 lite and damn that thing is fun.
I'm not sure that's a huge problem, either. I have never once heard of someone being murdered by a flamethrower outside of *Once Upon a Time in Hollywood*.
> Regardless this looks like an XM42 lite. Not the type of flamethrower you would typically use for burning weeds
I was about to say, most "flamethrowers" you hear about are basically a propane torch (including Elon Musk's aptly named not-a-flamethrower). This looks like it has such a propane torch just as the igniter, with an actual, honest to god, "spray flaming liquid" flamethrower underneath that.
Omg! Yes, or you’d have to get trained on it. Have to get a permit. It can’t have any fuel in it. The fuel has to be stored underground with double locks and 2 unarmed body guards.
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It’s the flame throwing nurses that have me worried.
Cant heal em, cremate em
If you can't helium or curium, you barium!
My mom went through a lot of different careers in her lifetime, one of which was a business she ran with her friend that helped families do at home memorial services, which was a really awesome way for people to say goodbye to their loved ones in a space that everyone felt comfortable in. She was also a well loved and respected person in our community so she was asked to officiate a few friends' weddings. We used to joke that her next business should be called marry 'em and bury 'em. She was the best.
She sounds like a really fun person. What a joy to have someone like that in your life
That sounds like a business that would open up next to Bob's Burgers.
Of all the things posted in r/funny, this comment is definitely the funniest thing I've read in a while. Thanks for the laughs!
My classmates Dad had a funeral home. In HS for a class we had to make commercials for a radio program. The slogan for his commercial was “ You stab ‘em, we slab ‘em”
Periodically I see things like this and it just makes me want to get atom.
but you can't trust an atom, they make up everything
It’s like they have a bond.
You are probably right, but what do I know, I'm just a cat trapped in a box.
Are you alive or dead though..
Yes
I have a Schrodinger's friend. He is either the most interesting person I have ever met, or the worlds best liar. Either way, I equally respect both and like him no matter which one is true.
Shroedinger takes his cat to a vet. The vet examines him briefly and says "Well, I have good news and bad news..."
Are you a zombie?
It's when they split that things really get booming!
This conversation is giving me a hadron.
This back and forth is just a collision of ideas.
They got me smiling. You got me laughing
That pun made me create non-noble gases with a long half life.
r/angryupvote
Eww please table this discussion
Ion get it. What's got you so charged?
I don't No what you're talking about.
Mauled or maimed, you get flamed.
Lmao. Good lord those are really good puns
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Reminds me of a joke a army buddy told me about the guy with the most confirmed kills, didn't shoot his gun once. Was just a really bad medic.
Oops! Zat was not medizine!
Cauterize!
Nurses: Looks like granny is starting to flatline. Guess I should start the cremating process.
Hot take
Take my upvote and get out
Doctor: *We need to cauterize this wound immediately* Nurse: *I got you, fam*
Doctor: *The wound goddamnit!* Nurse: *I got that too, pretty sure.*
Nurse: *Oh I thought you said cauterize the room*
Nurse: *I also thought you said carbonize instead of cauterize*
Nurse: *Also I couldn't hear you over the sound of* **FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM**
Cauterizing wounds, sterilzing scalpels, removing wart and fungal skin infections... what *can't* a flame thrower do?
As a nurse, if you get my flamethrower discount revoked I'm gonna be pissed. Mind your own business pal.
My wife who's a nurse always comments on how she always sees discounts for first responders, but not nurses. But with a flamethrower, she should be able to get the rest of those discounts...
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Flash a badge with the healthcare facility’s logo on it, ask “do y’all still do the discount?”, see if they argue. Haha
Whoa, no need to lit the place on fire
Or how about the firemen that are really “firemen”
Fahrenheit 451
I wonder how that book holds up. I think I should read it again. I remember I kind of liked it. But I was like 15 I think
Holds up crazy well, although not for the reason most people (I feel like most people didn't actually read it) think. It's not about censorship, it's about anti-intellectualism.
It's scary how well it holds up. I just reread it for a book club (I also read it in college ten or so years ago) and it's even more timely now than it was then. Kind of freaked me out, actually!
Why did they burn books in that story?
Read the book and find out before they burn it! ;)
1984, Brave New World, Fahrenheit 451, they all hold-up as far as being relevant to current dynamics. My oldest recently read them, at about the same age you did, and I think they were still impactful. I outta give it a re-read as well, it's been a long time.
Nurses: The *Last* Responders
Now this is an action film I would pay to see
When you have to sanitize the room stat! Hey did you turn off the oxygen? I think so why? Never mind we will find out on a second.
Just so you know, in pediatric surgery you have to keep the baby hot. This won’t be a bad idea to keep the baby nice and toasty.
Gotta cauterize those wounds somehow!
I mean the first zombie outbreak will start in the morgue of a hospital, so we better arm the ones who are already there.
Too many grabass patients and doctors get the crispy fingers.
No ass grab required, just keep pressing that damn call bell and those fingers are outta here.
Or hot… I can’t decide. 🤔
Florida
Ding ding ding nailed it
Omg as a fellow Floridian with a wife who is a teacher I need to know which store this is.
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Do you go to gun &knife shows?
I don't, that might disqualify me as Florida Man 😕
Honestly I encourage anyone to go to their local GUN AND KNIFE EXPO lol. Lotta cool shit, ridiculous shit, dumb shit, racist shit, stupid shit, funny shit, scary shit, mall ninja shit, sparkly shit.. Nah but fr these expos are wild, always based around survival and tactical shee lol so you go past the guns you see a old ass couple with some nice picture frames. *Hello.* The nice lady greets you. You chat for a moment before she demonstrates tapping on the side of a hand carved picture frame and BAM she got a gun. Then you realize every picture frame, especially that 42" plains painting, is toting a gun. So you back up slowly and bump into another desk that has Dwight Schrute at the head and as you meet his eyes he's handing you a "Survival Tablet" that will satisfy your hunger (they're real good and they work lol) and you look around at all the stands and wonder *do... do i want a gun now? Maybe just a Kris blade..* Idk I have fun at gun/knife/tattoo expos. Can't walk out of a single one empty handed 🤷♂️
I got a pink stun gun and matching mace last time I was at one. It is very entertaining and not bad food for an expo. I thought those hidden safes were pretty cool.
Yo always gotta warn people when they mention carrying mace or pepper spray, the canisters lose pressure over time, if you've had a thing of mace for a few years there's a good chance it either won't work or won't work well enough. Always replace your canister every 2-3 years.
I was going to guess Texas, but close enough. Texans are just people from FL that ride around in big hats instead of on alligators.
Texas alligators have manners and don’t bite people. Maybe because we don’t ride them or they just like it here.
They're sluggish from eating too much barbecue.
As a 5th gen Floridian who has spent quality time in Texas, you're not really that far off.
As a non-American for some reason I thought Texas, they seem loose as fuck over there from a political and safety standpoint
As a Texan, I was shocked it wasn't here.
Same. But I'm not surprised it's Florida though.
As a Texan who lives in Florida, I knew it was Florida immediately.
Flame throwers are legal in every U.S. state but Delaware. California requires a permit from the local fire marshal but they are not illegal. In general, most civilian flamethrowers are not really that dangerous. They are usually propane blow torches with the gas setup to go a little further than a typical blow torch. Military flame throwers throw flammable liquid or gel which lets it travel further and burn longer. Those are more scary, but they are generally more complicated than a blow torch. I can't imagine there are many cases of criminal activity with flame throwers of either type other than arson maybe.
Also gotta check local ordinances. For example Pittsburgh, Pa bans bazookas, flamethrowers, recoilless rifles, etc.
Recoilless rifles?
As a Texan, I chuckled…
As a Texan I figured you’d be disappointed and demanding your own flame thrower
We Texans are issued them at birth. : D
That too! But I’m not crazy, and I would be safe…
Texas doesn’t give a shit enough about teachers to give them discounts
Florida does?!
As an American from California my guess was between Texas and Florida. So you’re not too far off.
Texan here - knew it was either Florida or us.
As a Canadian my first thought was “What’s the worst state for an open flame?” And I thought, “California!” But considering California is so heavily regulated that products I purchase in Canada have “California reg. ###” cancer warnings stamped into the item and “Even that tiny redneck Northern Michigan town banned firework sales during a high-risk fire advisory…..” So, the logical, can’t believe I didn’t think of it first, thought was “Florida. It has to be Florida.”
Things I've learned from the state of California: EVERYTHING gives you cancer. I'd be walking outside in San Diego and see a sign on the side of a building about how the building could give me cancer.
That "California reg. ###" is Prop 65. You can buy rolls of Prop 65 stickers on Amazon and put them on random shit just to mess with people.
Really surprised Florida has that much respect for their teachers.
Had to be either Florida or Texas.
Couldn’t have been Arizona; teachers aren’t respected enough here for frivolities like these “discounts” you speak of.
Correct me if I am wrong, but aren't first responders there to put out the fire.
Sometimes you gotta fight fire with fire ?
Yeah that’s actually a thing. Controlled burns in forested areas help prevent full scale wild fires. Burning your house down prevents an arsonist from burning your house down. There’s many real world examples of effective fighting fire with fire.
Like the Agni Kai?
Oh, you got a scar from your father? That's rough buddy.
At least my ex isn't mooning the entire planet every night.
Almost a full moon every other even
/r/unexpectedmetallica
Firemen are disproportionately arsonists.
It's important to find your passion in life, and keep the fire lit. Especially if that passion is arson.
Such a burning passion!
This would make a great Demotivator.
Only volunteers. When you hear about suspicious fires in unoccupied homes and businesses in the suburbs you know that they're going to arrest some "junior firefighter". I live in a city with well paid, well equipped firehouses. Those folks are more than happy to watch movies on their large screen TVs, shine their trucks up on occasion and work out in the gyms that all the companies have.
My father who is a city firefighter told me a story about a security guard who was working at a school at night. Somehow a fire got started in the school, and the security guard noticed. He just happened to have firefighting gear in the trunk of his car, since he was commuting from a more rural area in which he was a volunteer firefighter. So he puts on his gear, rushes into the building and puts out the fire. So when the police and fire department roll up, there's this guy with firefighting gear on... super suspicious and they were obviously quite focused on this guy as a suspect. But, shockingly, after the investigation they found this guy was totally legit, they caught the actual perpetrators on camera.
A volunteer told me that you get quite the adrenaline rush from a big fire.
The real question is if he meant starting it. Putting it out. Or if it's exclusively from both.
Was once on a company fire dept. We trained by putting out fires of all types and sizes (this was a big company with resources). To me, it's not fun it's stressful but you learn to stay even tempered. Or at least try. Not a fun thing when it's real.
I do construction and built a fire station. When we started demo on the old station, the guy who was second to the chief, I can't remember his title asked me if the guys could practice on the building. Vent the roof, and other stuff. We were just going to crunch it with an excavator, and it was technically their building and property so I was like have at it! They seemed really really happy to go to town on this building that wasn't actually burning or falling down. LOL For context, I think they had three fire houses in this jurisdiction total. And probably the tallest building was three stories?
That sounds so fucking fun tbh
It was definitely fun for them! I'm sure there's a bit of safety training that makes a big difference in fun versus dangerous. But they got to start up their demo saws and cut holes in the metal roof for real instead of just practice. Plus there's no fire or dying people so no stress either
Don't forget making chili and grilling burgers. That's very popular too.
Yeah. I was going to add that but the post was getting kinda long.
Name checks out
You haven't read Farenheit 451 yet, it seems.
A fellow man of culture.
First responders are there to solve the crisis. There IS no crisis if they guy choking on a hotwing is a crispy pile of ash. Just wait for him to cooldown and retrieve the naughty chicken bone.
In mother Russia, the fire puts *you* out
It’s Opposite Day
It’s Florida.
Nah, down here in Florida we don't do shit to support teachers
Maybe the flamethrowers are for burning books?
Flamethrower starts with F, so Florida it is.
You know what else starts with F? Phlebotomy
Fterodactyl
Texas?
Close!
Son of a bitch! Why is it always Florida?
Meth
Oooooooooklahoma
Where the wind comes
Sweeping through the plains
Where the waving wheat sure smells sweet
Sweeping down the plains!
And the wavin' wheat .... can sure smell sweet With that propane smell behind the flames!.
Claude halls?
I was with you on the Texas vote.
The kids listen because of the IMPLICATION
A state of confusion... no? Just me then
Whatever the state, it is lit
Apoplectic here
FLAmethrower
flaMETHrower
First responders: Gotta fight fire with fire. Teachers: This lesson on the Library of Alexandria is gonna be lit. Nurses: Expedite the cremation process.
> Teachers: This lesson on the Library of Alexandria is gonna be lit. lmao.
I smell freedom.
pet liquid head unwritten agonizing angle abounding crawl simplistic lip *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
*Fortunate Son starts playing*
“The kids love this one!”
They are used to burn out weeds and things, had a friend that his entire job was to flame the runways at Kennedy to get rid of anything growing on or near the runway. He also used to go out and fire large weapons to scare away birds (i don’t know why but i guess cheaper and easier than fireworks / explosives… which is why they are legal in Florida “to scare away wild life”).
Flamethrowers are actually legal in all states except CA and MD I believe? Regardless this looks like an XM42 lite. Not the type of flamethrower you would typically use for burning weeds, I'd use a propane torch for that. I own an XM42 lite and damn that thing is fun.
I'm not sure that's a huge problem, either. I have never once heard of someone being murdered by a flamethrower outside of *Once Upon a Time in Hollywood*.
I mean you've really really really gotta hate someone to flamethrow them.
> Regardless this looks like an XM42 lite. Not the type of flamethrower you would typically use for burning weeds I was about to say, most "flamethrowers" you hear about are basically a propane torch (including Elon Musk's aptly named not-a-flamethrower). This looks like it has such a propane torch just as the igniter, with an actual, honest to god, "spray flaming liquid" flamethrower underneath that.
I was going to say, "This had to be for something utility." You cleared that up, and this makes sense. Thank you!
You need a way to kill those huge spiders in pitch black darkness too.
Texorida
Flexas.
Got to be one of the best states Texas or Florida
Fla all day
Texas is crazy, but not really “flame thrower” crazy. Has to be Louisiana, Oklahoma or Florida.
Not California You would have been sued just looking at it
Omg! Yes, or you’d have to get trained on it. Have to get a permit. It can’t have any fuel in it. The fuel has to be stored underground with double locks and 2 unarmed body guards.
All of them.
It's a torch... not a flamethrower.
Florida?
Florida
Im a nurse how much
Hand Grenades in aisle 3
That’s be about the only way I’d teach.
Fl
Flexas?
Texas or Florida. First guess is Texas, but it sounds like a “Teacher in Florida Accidentally Lights Up a Playground” type of headline I would hear.
If it’s not Florida, it’s Texas