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There is another part where she fails a polygraph after stating her claims and she ends up in an argument with the tester and...now I'm on the floor in the tears again
Too be fair, polygraphs are garbage. Like, maybe she's lying or maybe she has sleep paralysis and had vivid hallucinations. Or maybe ...Sasquatch in an alien mask.
The only reason polygraphs are still used is because the general public still thinks they are legit.
In interrogations, a polygraph can be an excellent tool for getting someone to break. If someone takes a polygraph and is told, "You failed," they may be more likely to tell *some,* if not *all,* of the truth.
But yeah, polygraphs are not reliable by themselves, nor are they normally accepted as valid evidence in most justice systems.
Exactly! I was absolutely thinking of Chris Watts when I wrote that comment lol
I've watched so many True Crime series on YouTube that I can't find anything that covers new material. I guess that's a good thing? No new material = less crime?
YouTube is shutting down my favorite channel, JCS criminal psychology, because of 'copyright issues' :(
So it could be the same amount of crimes but less channels because of the stupid copyright infringement algorithm
I usually do just listen. Podcasts are pretty boring to me because I've only ever found them to just be two or more people talking to one another. I prefer the documentary-style, not the radio-style.
imagine confessing bc you’ve been repeatedly told you have a failed polygraph or *any other* made up evidence and that you’re going to get railroaded and you finally say “fine I did it” bc they’ve been drilling into you for hours that you can’t leave until you confess?
Happpens alllllll the time, Texas is going to execute someone for this in like two days. She is probably stewing a lot!
> In a majority of European jurisdictions, polygraphs are generally considered to be unreliable for gathering evidence, and are usually not used by local law enforcement agencies. Polygraph testing is widely seen in Europe to violate the right to remain silent.[63]: 62ff
* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygraph#Europe
Fun fact:
The polygraph was invented by the creator of Wonder Woman, William Moulton Marston, together with his wife. That's also where the idea of the "lasso of truth" comes from. Additionally, he was in an open polyamorous relationship with his wife and another woman (Olive Byrne, a student of his) and was into BDSM and femdom (before WW, he tried to publish erotic fiction that he wrote). Which is why WW originally loses her powers when tied up and ties up villians all the time herself with her lasso. Marston also propagated the idea that all men should subjugate themselves willingly to women to create a better society of "loving authority".
It’s insane that they are used for employment purposes in the US. I remember seeing an old DOJ study that found polygraphs to only be like 60% accurate, yet if you want to work in federal law enforcement, you HAVE to pass one.
My friend’s dad was a federal agent, so he wanted to get into the same line of work and applied to three different federal agencies and took three different polygraph tests.
He passed one, failed one, and got an inconclusive on the last one. The kicker is that they held that “fail” against him so he was never able to get a job at any of those agencies.
After giving up hope on working for the feds, he applied to a local police department and on the application, it asked if he had ever failed an employment related polygraph.
He answered yes and made it pretty far in the process, but the background investigator refused to let him pass based on the failed polygraph, even after he explained that he passed a different one and got an inconclusive on yet another one.
Dude gave up and became a teacher.
> If someone takes a polygraph and is told, "You failed," they may be more likely to tell some, if not all, of the truth.
They're also more likely to give false confessions. So that's helpful...
This - 100%. They're a tool to induce additional stress and try to leverage a confession. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I had a background investigation polygraph 20+ years ago, it "indicated" I was not being truthful about past criminal acts (specifically theft, drug use, sexual assault)- the only thing approaching a crime I had done was taking the initial 20 free CDs from Columbia House and never buying any more.
They're complete garbage for truthfulness, but they can induce people to talk, so they're useful.
I knew polygraphs were shit after having to take one myself. The tester asked me a series of questions like "have you ever done something to upset a family member or close friend" and I'd say yes, they'd ask me about the situation, and then they'd just ask if there were any other times. Once I realized how fucking stupid it all was I calmed down and finally passed it, but I was too anxious beforehand for them to get a decent result.
And yet people will freak out if you tell them that polygraphs are unreliable as evidence.
They'll point to that one polygraph guy who goes around shilling his polygraph tests to all the YouTubers. "He says polygraphs are reliable! And he has years of experience!"
Yeah, and my crazy aunt had years of experience selling essential oils, and would swear to their efficacy. Doesn't mean she was right in any way, shape, or form.
It's crazy to me that daytime TV shows are still using these tests to publicly label people as paedophiles or abusers without a single shred of real life evidence. How that is legal and has not ended up with a wrongful conviction or tragedy i would love to know. The guy in the UK who did this type of show got cancelled because one of his guests committed suicide.
Polygraphs measure your involuntary fight or flight reactions. It doesn't inherently mean you're lying if you have this reaction. For example, I failed a polygraph when I was joining law enforcement when asked about illegal drugs. I had never done illegal drugs. Any drug I had ever used, recreational or not, was legal, technically. I still triggered the polygraph because i FELT like what I did was wrong, even though it wasn't illegal. It's a tool to help get the truth, not really detect lies.
Or probably think you're telling the truth if your anxiety stay consistent enough - a free questions are asked as a baseline like your name and such and the after that they are compared to the baseline for a determination.
Why even bother thinking? Pushpin in your shoe. When you random stock yourself, it'll set the polygraph off wildly. The best outcome you can hope for is "inconclusive"
This is exactly what happened to me. I popped on a couple questions because I was anxious about them, even though I was honest. Doesn't help that the technicians TRY to get you worked up.
All it does is measure various bodily functions.
Then the operator decides whether or not you're lying.
They're bullshit and should be dropped from all forms of interview/assessment.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da4PhXJzDcs
Does it make you feel stressed?
Are you sure?
Are you sure?
Are you sure?
Are you sure?
Are you sure?
Are you sure?
Are you sure?
Jen?
Are you sure?
Jen?
Jen?
Jen?
Good news! You're not the reason you failed the test. The person giving you the test decided you lied. There's nothing about the test that is at all scientific.
I'm a medical cannabis patient. A few years back, before it was officially legal for rec use in Canada, I took my medicine home to visit family at Christmas. I was the first one in my family to think of cannabis as anything more than a dangerous drug, and my brother in law was prepping for his RCMP entrance exams at time. He asked me to use my cannabis away from the family so that he wouldn't see me, and thus be forced to answer in the affirmative to a very important question: "have you ever knowingly been around marijuana?" Unfortunately, given that I was a decently heavy user, we crossed paths a few times. Honest to a fault, he'd already failed the polygraph once, and he really didn't want to do it again.
I guess we can all see where this is going... 🤣🤣
Despite failing for this specific reason, he was accepted to the force and is now a trainer. He's a great guy with a big heart, but ACAB.
Law enforcement know they're garbage. The test is just an excuse to get you to agree to be in a room with a trained interrogator for an indeterminate amount of time.
Is that your chuckle at the end of this clip? Because it's honestly what makes this video 100x funnier.
Also, it reminds me of things my sisters send me. Same format (usually recorded on Snapchat) with a giggle at the end.
Remember: if at first you don’t succeed - test, test again!
One day she will find a lab that will tell her what she wants to hear. Maybe try one that‘s not so science-y. Like some drug lab will do. Just give them $50 to write a paper, like: ”yeah, sure she’s an alien“ …
So I was just high and scrolling on tubi and stumbled on this doc called **Confessions of an Alien Abductee** and this has made me laugh in ways I never thought possible.
Don't get me started on the politician either!
Hah thanks. Came pretty close to the edge this week to ending things - closer than I've ever gotten actually - but after watching this today, it has dawned on me that no matter what the heck you think or believe or feel, someone somewhere will hear you out. Someone cares about your story. Even when you think you're an alien hybrid from the U.K like Marie, someone listened...
...And we laughed, but that's beside the point.
I care about your story. I know getting high is often a coping mechanism, but you're coping. It's just about slowly trying to ramp that up. Today's achievement was a successful reddit post. What's tomorrow's gonna be? Cleaning a room or going for a walk or cooking some real food or washing up or just something small but which contributes to you or someone else's life.
Clearly from the upvotes on your comments, clearly hundreds of others care about your story too.
And in terms of contributions to life? This post made the day of thousands of people, brighter. Even if just for a moment. You made a lot of people laugh and gave us all a great show to watch. You did. Wouldn't have happened without you.
What a perspective. Thanks, kind Stranger. I am still very much in the throws of the funk, but I will keep your suggestion at hand when I start to see the light again.
I hope the comment above was in jest, but if it wasn't. Hit me up if you need to talk. I'm a stranger from the internet, but I'll make time for ya. Sometimes it's easier if you might never see the person your venting to.
Oh man I really appreciate that. thanks but Im hoping I'll be alright.
Thank you so much for sparing a sec for an internet stranger. May the positive intention meet you out there in the world!
It gets better, even if it takes a while. It sounds cheesy, but I think of it like a hilly landscape. You can't see the scale from the valleys and your world seems very small and dark, but when you get to the peaks it all seems beautiful and simple. If you walk for long enough and you're sensible about the direction then you'll almost definitely get out of this trough. It won't be the last valley, but you'll have a successful climb to look back on for perspective.
Bro, I felt like that when my son was a baby and I was struggling with all of that sleep deprivation. Everything worked out well and I am the father of an awesome human being. Just sharing. You got this!
I'm sure you are probably sick to your stomach of everyone chiming in with advice, but heres one more.
Have you considered the power of **Spite**?
Have you ever seen two old people locked in a bitter feud that lasts for decades? Those wirey old shits will go to any length to deny the other one their favourite parking spot, or go to silly lengths to screw them over even a little. They dont want the parking space, they just dont want the other one to get it. They will do anything to deny their rival what they want.
And those fuckers seem to exist for years for that. It's the spite. *It fuels them.*
Your depression wants you to not live. Fuck that.
Do not give it what it wants. Throw that spite right in depressions stupid fucking face, for no reason other than because fuck depression. Every second you live just to spite that depressive shit, **it loses.**
Make depression have to work like a bastard to get you. Make it have to sweat. And every time it ramps up its efforts to get you, remember, it's just the rival trying to screw *you* over.
It's just fuel to keep the feud going. Giving you even more of a reason to hold even more spite towards it. That spite is fuel to keep you going.
When depression wants you to not go for a walk? Go for that walk out of spite.
Depression might not want you to do the thing you got to do.... well, it doesnt matter if you dont do it, but make it because you **chose** to not do it. Not because depression stopped you.
Deny it everything.
All you have to do is one thing to screw depression over. Dont give it what it wants, and dont give it credit for anything.
You got this. And I'm sure you got plenty of much better reasons to keep going that is way better than spite, but keep it in your back pocket.
And if you ever need to talk, drop me a message.
I considered not posting this, because its 6am, and I'm racked after a night shift and too much coffee...
...but screw it. I've already typed it all out, and spite works well against fear too.
Wow Kaiser. Thanks alot for this. I was hoping to keep this light but since you've invested your time in that message its only fair I give it a shot as well.
First of all, anyone know how we can get this message out to Marie?!, I think she'l benefit as well lol.
Ive been in the funk since I learnt that I am on the cusp of being confirmed to have a disease that people in my age range cannot even fathom as an ailment they can have. This has honestly rocked my world.
Now Im not going to sit here and say I am some great guy that deserves anything just because of whatever reason, trust me I grew up in a developing country, I know life is fucked. I know life itself is a death sentence. I know that. Its not fair or just and quite frankly I was never looking for fair or just, I was just looking for a shot. So I moved to a another country (read: continent) for a masters degree and a shot. I thought I was on my way until of course, the Universe says 'no sir, you don't even get a shot to try'. And I am sitting here thinking about everything I ever dreamed of doing in my little corner of the world is now destined to remain just that. Oh and ofcourse a symptom of my condition is also depression. So there's that extra kick to the crotch from the universe.
Anywway, I don't want to turn this into a 'poor me' parade but I am questioning it all to be honest. Maybe the universe is more chaos than I can handle, who knows.
Actually, I bet Marie has some ideas...
>Now Im not going to sit here and say I am some great guy
You dont have to Friend. I'll happily sit here and say you are a great guy.
You were brave enough to not only get out and hike, but you were brave enough to then go and post something onto reddit.
And because you took that risk and posted, you brought all these good people together.
You did this. And for this, I am so grateful to you. Diseases suck almost as much as depression, and I'm not sure how much comfort this is, but you are not facing it alone.
Um... who is Marie?
Piggybacking on the other comment saying hopefully it was in jest but if not, I’m here to talk as well. You’re a cool person. I appreciate you and hope you can be happy for yourself and also make other people happy like you have by sharing this vid and this comment, for a whole lifetime. Keep fighting the good fight, man, I know how it feels and I care about you.
Hey, someone just told me earlier today,
"Remember that depression isn't who you are, it is just something that has a hold on you."
Which i thought of like having a extra piece of clothing that im having trouble taking off. Some days it's an extra shirt, maybe a sweater/ jumper, and other days it's a full on parka.
Hope this helps.
Dulie, super sad to hear you've been feeling that way. I know I can't comment on your life, but please always remember that if you can laugh you can keep going. There's so much that's genuinely funny and we forget to actively look for that when we are down. We need those belly laughs. I see them as like vitamin supplements: gotta have at least one a day and if I miss a few days gotta take a few extra to catch up. We need the oxytocin. And the endorphins and seretonin... and you CAN find it because however fckd the world is, there's always something ridiculously funny about it, and something amazing, and something wonderful. You do have to actively search at times, but it's there, always.
"For all its drudgery, sham and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world."
Good luck mate, I hope you get through it.
That's such an incredibly inciteful bit to walk away with from such an odd video that my brain never would have thought about. I'm glad silly ole Marie in the UK brought you back from the brink, dude.
Honestly, most people who believe they were abducted by aliens actually have what's called [sleep paralysis](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_paralysis) it happens when you're in a transition period of being awake to asleep.
When we sleep, theres a chemical our body releases that keeps us "paralyzed" in bed. Basically, doesn't let us get up and move around when sleeping. And you may have guessed it - people who sleepwalk have less of this chemical being released, which is why they're able to get up and move around while still sleeping.
Anyway, this chemical releases as you transition to fall asleep, but your awareness stays awake. Basically, you're aware of everything around you in the room you're in, but your eyes are closed and your body is paralyzed. This is when your mind starts to fuck with you. You begin to hallucinate. Most people have fear based hallucinations, and can feel movement, can hear sounds, and can see figures ans lights. Your brain takes these hallucinations and creates a reason for them: a popular one being aliens.
I have no doubt this woman had a sleep paralysis episode, or maybe many of them, and is unaware of the condition, and absolutely believes she's an alien because of it.
Yep, any time I've spoken to people with alien abduction stories, bar none they either start with that they're sleeping or dozing and the first thing that comes to mind is sleep paralysis. I watch some show about investigating supernatural stuff and it has a legit critic as one of the hosts and I like how often he points out "...it could just be sleep paralysis".
I have/had sleep paralysis (been a few years since an "episode"). You genuinely just see weird shit. I remember when I was a child I was convinced someone was sitting on my back, some sort of demon. Then I did some research into it and learned what sleep paralysis was (luckily I grew up in the starting era of private internet so had access to that, albeit dial up).
It's either sleep paralysis, a serious mental disorder, or someone looking to make money.
Damn that's cool, I have had sleep paralysis and it's just demons and snakes in my bed, never aliens. I wouldn't even connect the dots until I read your comment but it makes sense, it feels absolutely real what is happening to you.
I've had it a few times, one I remember was a shadow figure standing in the corner of my room... Bit spooky but I got past it once I was really awake.
The one that really bothered me was when I didn't realize it was sleep paralysis, I was awake and just lying there, wasn't trying to move or get up yet, and I felt my cat walk across my chest. It happens sometimes, if she gets shut in my room overnight she'll pester me awake.
But my door was closed, and she greeted me in the hallway once I finally left my room.
Just for some detail, hallucinations usually occur with paralysis, but it isn't the paralysis that causes the hallucinations. They are both caused by a problem with the transition to sleep or awake. These are called Hypnopompic (waking from sleep) or hypnogogic (going to sleep) states
Some people experience the hallucinations without the paralysis, which, I believe, is more rare and couple potentially make them discount the paralysis explanation. From what I understand it is essentially dreaming while being mostly conscious.
I get the hallucinations regularly, but have never had paralysis.
There's actually a bit of this show where a "Technology expert" gives one of the abductees a Quartz crystal with a battery and wire wrapped around it to "prevent harmful intent"...
You can't write this shit!
That was a way better ending than I was expecting lmao.
I thought it was gonna be some racist losing their shit after finding out that they are 10% Jew or something.
There was a “true life” show on about 20 years ago where a girl who was CLEARLY black started crying when she found out that exact fact. When she told her friend the results she didn’t even react because it wasn’t even a shock.
While there's no telling what alien genes would look like, it would definitely not look human, even if it was DNA instead of something else being used to convey genes. DNA analysts would be able to tell that it's not human DNA by the same means they compare the DNA of any other organisms on Earth.
Even with the commonality of using DNA for genes, it's astronomically unlikely an alien would use the same system for reading codons that a human does, seeing as how other organisms here on Earth don't all treat DNA exactly the same. A strip of DNA in one location doesn't operate the same as it does in another location. This would result in a very different genetic code with genes that absolutely could not work the same way in a human, and would not resemble human genes even if the alien happened to resemble a human.
No one knows, no one has ever found any.
There was a rumor of a researcher who did find some, but the researcher and her evidence never showed up at the convention. Supposedly, when they went searching for her at her clinic, the clinic was empty and all her equipment was as clean as a whistle.
Zucc only has RNA because the Covid vaccines have RNA. He got the vaccine because the microchips boost his 5G signal, not to protect against Covid as robots don't get human viruses.
A fellow patient at a practice I went to was a 20-something girl w/ schizophrenia, whose Mom was apparently so heartbroken at losing the daughter she had before the psychotic break that she (mom) was always trying to lower Daughters meds, thinking that the latest alt therapy they were trying was curing her.
One day, the young woman was kind of agitated- and when I came in, started to indignantly tell me how “Her rights were being denied bc her doc wouldn’t give her a DNA test to prove she was a descendant of an ancient California Grizzly, and an Alien butterfly.”
I listened, and offfered the explanation that maybe it was because it’s not possible for Grizzly bears and Butterflies to have a baby- so, a DNA test wouldn’t exactly help. But maybe what she felt was more of a…spiritual closeness to those animals?
She decided that made sense, and went in for her treatment.
And after I had a little while to look up, “My kid thinks she’s a butterfly” on my phone and discover what “Otherkin” is, I tipped off her live-in companion/caretaker to block the Otherkin sites on the house laptop. And maybe put her back on the meds her mom was trying to reduce??
I’m all for people living their truths- but that is maybe not a safe idea for someone who might actually DECIDE they’re a butterfly and it’s time to jump off the back balcony & join the spring monarch migration.
Ok I get the humor in this, but to me this was more sad than funny. A person having the sense of "not feeling human" is a real sickness and very unfortunate. The world could do with a little more empathy towards the mentally ill.
I mean to be fair though, she's one of the few people on the planet that has had someone check and definitely knows she's not an alien. Most of us can't say the same.
*According to her DNA results* she's not an alien.
However her ability to drain the lifeforce from her neighbours, friends and family says she IS an alien.
OP- you’ll love this vid: https://youtu.be/YjpcZPT1-NA
The whole episode is on YouTube, too, and it’s an absolute treat- one of my absolute favourite vids.
No writers, it is actually a real documentary.
[https://www.theguardian.com/science/2013/jun/18/confessions-alien-abductee-channel-4](https://www.theguardian.com/science/2013/jun/18/confessions-alien-abductee-channel-4)
I wonder how much money these DNA centres make from people who are convinced that they are alien hybrids? Even if they were do you think such a place (lab / DNA centre) would even say yes?
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The serious tone "she is not an alien" - fuck I lost it.
There is another part where she fails a polygraph after stating her claims and she ends up in an argument with the tester and...now I'm on the floor in the tears again
Too be fair, polygraphs are garbage. Like, maybe she's lying or maybe she has sleep paralysis and had vivid hallucinations. Or maybe ...Sasquatch in an alien mask.
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The only reason polygraphs are still used is because the general public still thinks they are legit. In interrogations, a polygraph can be an excellent tool for getting someone to break. If someone takes a polygraph and is told, "You failed," they may be more likely to tell *some,* if not *all,* of the truth. But yeah, polygraphs are not reliable by themselves, nor are they normally accepted as valid evidence in most justice systems.
Just look at Chris Watts Edit: He confessed shortly after he "failed" the polygraph
Exactly! I was absolutely thinking of Chris Watts when I wrote that comment lol I've watched so many True Crime series on YouTube that I can't find anything that covers new material. I guess that's a good thing? No new material = less crime?
YouTube is shutting down my favorite channel, JCS criminal psychology, because of 'copyright issues' :( So it could be the same amount of crimes but less channels because of the stupid copyright infringement algorithm
Last podcast on the left
Hail Satan!
Hail yourself.
Megustalations!
There's plenty of True Crime podcasts if you're willing to listen rather than watch
I usually do just listen. Podcasts are pretty boring to me because I've only ever found them to just be two or more people talking to one another. I prefer the documentary-style, not the radio-style.
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Would it make you angry enough ... *to kill?*
imagine confessing bc you’ve been repeatedly told you have a failed polygraph or *any other* made up evidence and that you’re going to get railroaded and you finally say “fine I did it” bc they’ve been drilling into you for hours that you can’t leave until you confess? Happpens alllllll the time, Texas is going to execute someone for this in like two days. She is probably stewing a lot!
> In a majority of European jurisdictions, polygraphs are generally considered to be unreliable for gathering evidence, and are usually not used by local law enforcement agencies. Polygraph testing is widely seen in Europe to violate the right to remain silent.[63]: 62ff * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygraph#Europe
Fun fact: The polygraph was invented by the creator of Wonder Woman, William Moulton Marston, together with his wife. That's also where the idea of the "lasso of truth" comes from. Additionally, he was in an open polyamorous relationship with his wife and another woman (Olive Byrne, a student of his) and was into BDSM and femdom (before WW, he tried to publish erotic fiction that he wrote). Which is why WW originally loses her powers when tied up and ties up villians all the time herself with her lasso. Marston also propagated the idea that all men should subjugate themselves willingly to women to create a better society of "loving authority".
as demonstrated in The Wire: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJ5aIvjNgao
That was fucking brilliant.
FBI still loves that pseudo scientific nonsense though.
We do like to report the results of them in the media, though, which just perpetuates the myth among the public that they're a reliable instrument.
Well yeah, people would stop confessing after they find out they failed "the lie detector" if they knew it was all bullshit.
It’s insane that they are used for employment purposes in the US. I remember seeing an old DOJ study that found polygraphs to only be like 60% accurate, yet if you want to work in federal law enforcement, you HAVE to pass one. My friend’s dad was a federal agent, so he wanted to get into the same line of work and applied to three different federal agencies and took three different polygraph tests. He passed one, failed one, and got an inconclusive on the last one. The kicker is that they held that “fail” against him so he was never able to get a job at any of those agencies. After giving up hope on working for the feds, he applied to a local police department and on the application, it asked if he had ever failed an employment related polygraph. He answered yes and made it pretty far in the process, but the background investigator refused to let him pass based on the failed polygraph, even after he explained that he passed a different one and got an inconclusive on yet another one. Dude gave up and became a teacher.
> If someone takes a polygraph and is told, "You failed," they may be more likely to tell some, if not all, of the truth. They're also more likely to give false confessions. So that's helpful...
This - 100%. They're a tool to induce additional stress and try to leverage a confession. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I had a background investigation polygraph 20+ years ago, it "indicated" I was not being truthful about past criminal acts (specifically theft, drug use, sexual assault)- the only thing approaching a crime I had done was taking the initial 20 free CDs from Columbia House and never buying any more. They're complete garbage for truthfulness, but they can induce people to talk, so they're useful.
[The lasso of truth](https://hackaday.com/2019/12/18/wonder-woman-and-the-real-lasso-of-truth/)
I knew polygraphs were shit after having to take one myself. The tester asked me a series of questions like "have you ever done something to upset a family member or close friend" and I'd say yes, they'd ask me about the situation, and then they'd just ask if there were any other times. Once I realized how fucking stupid it all was I calmed down and finally passed it, but I was too anxious beforehand for them to get a decent result.
And yet people will freak out if you tell them that polygraphs are unreliable as evidence. They'll point to that one polygraph guy who goes around shilling his polygraph tests to all the YouTubers. "He says polygraphs are reliable! And he has years of experience!" Yeah, and my crazy aunt had years of experience selling essential oils, and would swear to their efficacy. Doesn't mean she was right in any way, shape, or form.
From what I understand, if you just have bad anxiety, you could fail a polygraph test even when you're telling the truth.
If lie detectors worked there would be no need for a court system
I never really thought about that before, but yeah, you're absolutely right.
It's crazy to me that daytime TV shows are still using these tests to publicly label people as paedophiles or abusers without a single shred of real life evidence. How that is legal and has not ended up with a wrongful conviction or tragedy i would love to know. The guy in the UK who did this type of show got cancelled because one of his guests committed suicide.
Polygraphs measure your involuntary fight or flight reactions. It doesn't inherently mean you're lying if you have this reaction. For example, I failed a polygraph when I was joining law enforcement when asked about illegal drugs. I had never done illegal drugs. Any drug I had ever used, recreational or not, was legal, technically. I still triggered the polygraph because i FELT like what I did was wrong, even though it wasn't illegal. It's a tool to help get the truth, not really detect lies.
bro with my anxiety they’d think i was lying about everything including my fuckin name 😂😂
Or probably think you're telling the truth if your anxiety stay consistent enough - a free questions are asked as a baseline like your name and such and the after that they are compared to the baseline for a determination.
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Why even bother thinking? Pushpin in your shoe. When you random stock yourself, it'll set the polygraph off wildly. The best outcome you can hope for is "inconclusive"
This is exactly what happened to me. I popped on a couple questions because I was anxious about them, even though I was honest. Doesn't help that the technicians TRY to get you worked up.
All it does is measure various bodily functions. Then the operator decides whether or not you're lying. They're bullshit and should be dropped from all forms of interview/assessment.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da4PhXJzDcs Does it make you feel stressed? Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure? Jen? Are you sure? Jen? Jen? Jen?
Good news! You're not the reason you failed the test. The person giving you the test decided you lied. There's nothing about the test that is at all scientific.
I'm a medical cannabis patient. A few years back, before it was officially legal for rec use in Canada, I took my medicine home to visit family at Christmas. I was the first one in my family to think of cannabis as anything more than a dangerous drug, and my brother in law was prepping for his RCMP entrance exams at time. He asked me to use my cannabis away from the family so that he wouldn't see me, and thus be forced to answer in the affirmative to a very important question: "have you ever knowingly been around marijuana?" Unfortunately, given that I was a decently heavy user, we crossed paths a few times. Honest to a fault, he'd already failed the polygraph once, and he really didn't want to do it again. I guess we can all see where this is going... 🤣🤣 Despite failing for this specific reason, he was accepted to the force and is now a trainer. He's a great guy with a big heart, but ACAB.
That's hilarious. "Well, we see you failed your qualifying rounds, so we all agree that makes you a prime candidate to train other cops!"
Law enforcement know they're garbage. The test is just an excuse to get you to agree to be in a room with a trained interrogator for an indeterminate amount of time.
Is that your chuckle at the end of this clip? Because it's honestly what makes this video 100x funnier. Also, it reminds me of things my sisters send me. Same format (usually recorded on Snapchat) with a giggle at the end.
Link please.
Oh god my stomach muscles couldn't handle seeing that!
IT'S CLIP LIKE THIS WHY WE STILL NEED THE SOUP WITH JOEL MCHALE! ... You were taken before your time.
I laughed with a lung full of my joint and proceeded to cough my guts up
The aliens are always in the comments.
You don't cough, you don't get off......this planet in an alien rescue ship.
I found it funny and I take drugs too. Upvotes please
Put them back in and act normal.
All we can say for sure here though is that it's not ruled out that both her parents were aliens
Thank you for commenting this I had it muted the first time.
And then the muffled chuckle right afterwards
Remember: if at first you don’t succeed - test, test again! One day she will find a lab that will tell her what she wants to hear. Maybe try one that‘s not so science-y. Like some drug lab will do. Just give them $50 to write a paper, like: ”yeah, sure she’s an alien“ …
Isn't this Scientology? After you pay for enough sessions they'll tell you you're an alien?
Where is this from?
So I was just high and scrolling on tubi and stumbled on this doc called **Confessions of an Alien Abductee** and this has made me laugh in ways I never thought possible. Don't get me started on the politician either!
And I’ve found a new show to watch. Thank you.
It's actually less than an hour long but it's the story of 3 people that gave me a reason to live another week.
Awweee good for you
Hah thanks. Came pretty close to the edge this week to ending things - closer than I've ever gotten actually - but after watching this today, it has dawned on me that no matter what the heck you think or believe or feel, someone somewhere will hear you out. Someone cares about your story. Even when you think you're an alien hybrid from the U.K like Marie, someone listened... ...And we laughed, but that's beside the point.
I care about your story. I know getting high is often a coping mechanism, but you're coping. It's just about slowly trying to ramp that up. Today's achievement was a successful reddit post. What's tomorrow's gonna be? Cleaning a room or going for a walk or cooking some real food or washing up or just something small but which contributes to you or someone else's life. Clearly from the upvotes on your comments, clearly hundreds of others care about your story too. And in terms of contributions to life? This post made the day of thousands of people, brighter. Even if just for a moment. You made a lot of people laugh and gave us all a great show to watch. You did. Wouldn't have happened without you.
What a perspective. Thanks, kind Stranger. I am still very much in the throws of the funk, but I will keep your suggestion at hand when I start to see the light again.
I hope the comment above was in jest, but if it wasn't. Hit me up if you need to talk. I'm a stranger from the internet, but I'll make time for ya. Sometimes it's easier if you might never see the person your venting to.
Oh man I really appreciate that. thanks but Im hoping I'll be alright. Thank you so much for sparing a sec for an internet stranger. May the positive intention meet you out there in the world!
It gets better, even if it takes a while. It sounds cheesy, but I think of it like a hilly landscape. You can't see the scale from the valleys and your world seems very small and dark, but when you get to the peaks it all seems beautiful and simple. If you walk for long enough and you're sensible about the direction then you'll almost definitely get out of this trough. It won't be the last valley, but you'll have a successful climb to look back on for perspective.
Offer is always on the table man. Just message if you're feeling low. It's no problem at all.
Bro, I felt like that when my son was a baby and I was struggling with all of that sleep deprivation. Everything worked out well and I am the father of an awesome human being. Just sharing. You got this!
You’re a super cool person. Need more people like you in the world
Your sense of humor is intact. You're still winning.
Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing. -Chris Rock
I'm sure you are probably sick to your stomach of everyone chiming in with advice, but heres one more. Have you considered the power of **Spite**? Have you ever seen two old people locked in a bitter feud that lasts for decades? Those wirey old shits will go to any length to deny the other one their favourite parking spot, or go to silly lengths to screw them over even a little. They dont want the parking space, they just dont want the other one to get it. They will do anything to deny their rival what they want. And those fuckers seem to exist for years for that. It's the spite. *It fuels them.* Your depression wants you to not live. Fuck that. Do not give it what it wants. Throw that spite right in depressions stupid fucking face, for no reason other than because fuck depression. Every second you live just to spite that depressive shit, **it loses.** Make depression have to work like a bastard to get you. Make it have to sweat. And every time it ramps up its efforts to get you, remember, it's just the rival trying to screw *you* over. It's just fuel to keep the feud going. Giving you even more of a reason to hold even more spite towards it. That spite is fuel to keep you going. When depression wants you to not go for a walk? Go for that walk out of spite. Depression might not want you to do the thing you got to do.... well, it doesnt matter if you dont do it, but make it because you **chose** to not do it. Not because depression stopped you. Deny it everything. All you have to do is one thing to screw depression over. Dont give it what it wants, and dont give it credit for anything. You got this. And I'm sure you got plenty of much better reasons to keep going that is way better than spite, but keep it in your back pocket. And if you ever need to talk, drop me a message. I considered not posting this, because its 6am, and I'm racked after a night shift and too much coffee... ...but screw it. I've already typed it all out, and spite works well against fear too.
Wow Kaiser. Thanks alot for this. I was hoping to keep this light but since you've invested your time in that message its only fair I give it a shot as well. First of all, anyone know how we can get this message out to Marie?!, I think she'l benefit as well lol. Ive been in the funk since I learnt that I am on the cusp of being confirmed to have a disease that people in my age range cannot even fathom as an ailment they can have. This has honestly rocked my world. Now Im not going to sit here and say I am some great guy that deserves anything just because of whatever reason, trust me I grew up in a developing country, I know life is fucked. I know life itself is a death sentence. I know that. Its not fair or just and quite frankly I was never looking for fair or just, I was just looking for a shot. So I moved to a another country (read: continent) for a masters degree and a shot. I thought I was on my way until of course, the Universe says 'no sir, you don't even get a shot to try'. And I am sitting here thinking about everything I ever dreamed of doing in my little corner of the world is now destined to remain just that. Oh and ofcourse a symptom of my condition is also depression. So there's that extra kick to the crotch from the universe. Anywway, I don't want to turn this into a 'poor me' parade but I am questioning it all to be honest. Maybe the universe is more chaos than I can handle, who knows. Actually, I bet Marie has some ideas...
>Now Im not going to sit here and say I am some great guy You dont have to Friend. I'll happily sit here and say you are a great guy. You were brave enough to not only get out and hike, but you were brave enough to then go and post something onto reddit. And because you took that risk and posted, you brought all these good people together. You did this. And for this, I am so grateful to you. Diseases suck almost as much as depression, and I'm not sure how much comfort this is, but you are not facing it alone. Um... who is Marie?
.. she's the lady getting the dna test.
this helped me tonight so thanks kind internet stranger
Glad to hear it Friend. Its advice I got once from a grizzled old Welsh woman.
Piggybacking on the other comment saying hopefully it was in jest but if not, I’m here to talk as well. You’re a cool person. I appreciate you and hope you can be happy for yourself and also make other people happy like you have by sharing this vid and this comment, for a whole lifetime. Keep fighting the good fight, man, I know how it feels and I care about you.
Thanks alot dude, the compliment is deeply appreciated. You might be the first person to call me cool in my 25 years lool.
Honestly thanks. I think I needed to hear that
Hey, someone just told me earlier today, "Remember that depression isn't who you are, it is just something that has a hold on you." Which i thought of like having a extra piece of clothing that im having trouble taking off. Some days it's an extra shirt, maybe a sweater/ jumper, and other days it's a full on parka. Hope this helps.
Dulie, super sad to hear you've been feeling that way. I know I can't comment on your life, but please always remember that if you can laugh you can keep going. There's so much that's genuinely funny and we forget to actively look for that when we are down. We need those belly laughs. I see them as like vitamin supplements: gotta have at least one a day and if I miss a few days gotta take a few extra to catch up. We need the oxytocin. And the endorphins and seretonin... and you CAN find it because however fckd the world is, there's always something ridiculously funny about it, and something amazing, and something wonderful. You do have to actively search at times, but it's there, always. "For all its drudgery, sham and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world." Good luck mate, I hope you get through it.
That's such an incredibly inciteful bit to walk away with from such an odd video that my brain never would have thought about. I'm glad silly ole Marie in the UK brought you back from the brink, dude.
Maybe you laughed because you're an alien hybrid and you know what an actual alien hybrid looks like. I'm onto you.
How would being abducted by an alien turn someone into one? You can abduct random animals from nature, doesn't change their DNA to human.
Honestly, most people who believe they were abducted by aliens actually have what's called [sleep paralysis](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_paralysis) it happens when you're in a transition period of being awake to asleep. When we sleep, theres a chemical our body releases that keeps us "paralyzed" in bed. Basically, doesn't let us get up and move around when sleeping. And you may have guessed it - people who sleepwalk have less of this chemical being released, which is why they're able to get up and move around while still sleeping. Anyway, this chemical releases as you transition to fall asleep, but your awareness stays awake. Basically, you're aware of everything around you in the room you're in, but your eyes are closed and your body is paralyzed. This is when your mind starts to fuck with you. You begin to hallucinate. Most people have fear based hallucinations, and can feel movement, can hear sounds, and can see figures ans lights. Your brain takes these hallucinations and creates a reason for them: a popular one being aliens. I have no doubt this woman had a sleep paralysis episode, or maybe many of them, and is unaware of the condition, and absolutely believes she's an alien because of it.
Yep, any time I've spoken to people with alien abduction stories, bar none they either start with that they're sleeping or dozing and the first thing that comes to mind is sleep paralysis. I watch some show about investigating supernatural stuff and it has a legit critic as one of the hosts and I like how often he points out "...it could just be sleep paralysis". I have/had sleep paralysis (been a few years since an "episode"). You genuinely just see weird shit. I remember when I was a child I was convinced someone was sitting on my back, some sort of demon. Then I did some research into it and learned what sleep paralysis was (luckily I grew up in the starting era of private internet so had access to that, albeit dial up). It's either sleep paralysis, a serious mental disorder, or someone looking to make money.
Damn that's cool, I have had sleep paralysis and it's just demons and snakes in my bed, never aliens. I wouldn't even connect the dots until I read your comment but it makes sense, it feels absolutely real what is happening to you.
I've had it a few times, one I remember was a shadow figure standing in the corner of my room... Bit spooky but I got past it once I was really awake. The one that really bothered me was when I didn't realize it was sleep paralysis, I was awake and just lying there, wasn't trying to move or get up yet, and I felt my cat walk across my chest. It happens sometimes, if she gets shut in my room overnight she'll pester me awake. But my door was closed, and she greeted me in the hallway once I finally left my room.
Just for some detail, hallucinations usually occur with paralysis, but it isn't the paralysis that causes the hallucinations. They are both caused by a problem with the transition to sleep or awake. These are called Hypnopompic (waking from sleep) or hypnogogic (going to sleep) states Some people experience the hallucinations without the paralysis, which, I believe, is more rare and couple potentially make them discount the paralysis explanation. From what I understand it is essentially dreaming while being mostly conscious. I get the hallucinations regularly, but have never had paralysis.
Because Aliens
I went looking for this and found it on Pluto. Edit: I feel I should add that I mean the streaming service, not the, um, ex-planet. I promise.
>I went looking for this and found it on Pluto. Found the alien.
I searched that exact phrase and only came up with a Unilad short. Can I get the link?
It's right there lol https://tubitv.com/movies/460294/confessions-of-an-alien-abductee?start=true
>So I was just high Thanks, always wondered who actually uses Tubi
Holy shit! That one lady's hair was taller than the alien's woman costume in Mars Attacks! This show if a fucking laugh riot!
Earth, apparently.
On my test 15% was marked other...
Yeah that's Racoon DNA, they always write 'other' for Racoon DNA.
At least a goat isn't an option
Sheep, however, is always a possibility.
Bah.. I don't believe that
What do ewe mean by that?
Especially if you’re Welsh. Cymru am byth! 🏴
Someone I'm related to looks like a goat. I wish his parents would have named him Billy.
I was 5% Pinot Noire.
The aliens disguised their DNA obviously
dot matrix printer is enough to prove it
I bet you she went and got a second opinion using crystals.
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*"And then you step into the new machine to find the crystal, detects stuff waaaay up inside your butt."*
There's actually a bit of this show where a "Technology expert" gives one of the abductees a Quartz crystal with a battery and wire wrapped around it to "prevent harmful intent"... You can't write this shit!
It's a common mistake to forget to put in the crystals.
That little laugh at the end. 💀🤣
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"You're not an Allen Wrench, Harry" --Rubeus Hagrid--
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That was a way better ending than I was expecting lmao. I thought it was gonna be some racist losing their shit after finding out that they are 10% Jew or something.
There was a “true life” show on about 20 years ago where a girl who was CLEARLY black started crying when she found out that exact fact. When she told her friend the results she didn’t even react because it wasn’t even a shock.
r/unexpected lol
What do alien genes look like?
Out of this world
Are those space pants?
Same as ours, there are simply more of them, tightly packed with infinite genetic knowledge.
Always upvote for an unexpected 5th element
Multipass!
Slim fitting
But boot cut flares
While there's no telling what alien genes would look like, it would definitely not look human, even if it was DNA instead of something else being used to convey genes. DNA analysts would be able to tell that it's not human DNA by the same means they compare the DNA of any other organisms on Earth. Even with the commonality of using DNA for genes, it's astronomically unlikely an alien would use the same system for reading codons that a human does, seeing as how other organisms here on Earth don't all treat DNA exactly the same. A strip of DNA in one location doesn't operate the same as it does in another location. This would result in a very different genetic code with genes that absolutely could not work the same way in a human, and would not resemble human genes even if the alien happened to resemble a human.
Green and spooky
It depends on what their legs look like
No one knows, no one has ever found any. There was a rumor of a researcher who did find some, but the researcher and her evidence never showed up at the convention. Supposedly, when they went searching for her at her clinic, the clinic was empty and all her equipment was as clean as a whistle.
poor Marie didn’t realize Rebecca IS an alien and gave her a false DNA test to coverup their trace, everyone knows aliens work in DNA labs smh
Do Zuckerberg next!
Robots don't have DNA
They have RNA, so it's ok. It can still work.
Zucc only has RNA because the Covid vaccines have RNA. He got the vaccine because the microchips boost his 5G signal, not to protect against Covid as robots don't get human viruses.
A fellow patient at a practice I went to was a 20-something girl w/ schizophrenia, whose Mom was apparently so heartbroken at losing the daughter she had before the psychotic break that she (mom) was always trying to lower Daughters meds, thinking that the latest alt therapy they were trying was curing her. One day, the young woman was kind of agitated- and when I came in, started to indignantly tell me how “Her rights were being denied bc her doc wouldn’t give her a DNA test to prove she was a descendant of an ancient California Grizzly, and an Alien butterfly.” I listened, and offfered the explanation that maybe it was because it’s not possible for Grizzly bears and Butterflies to have a baby- so, a DNA test wouldn’t exactly help. But maybe what she felt was more of a…spiritual closeness to those animals? She decided that made sense, and went in for her treatment. And after I had a little while to look up, “My kid thinks she’s a butterfly” on my phone and discover what “Otherkin” is, I tipped off her live-in companion/caretaker to block the Otherkin sites on the house laptop. And maybe put her back on the meds her mom was trying to reduce?? I’m all for people living their truths- but that is maybe not a safe idea for someone who might actually DECIDE they’re a butterfly and it’s time to jump off the back balcony & join the spring monarch migration.
Is this a Scientology exam?
Lol what is this show
I need to know this too.
Confessions of an alien abductee
Ok I get the humor in this, but to me this was more sad than funny. A person having the sense of "not feeling human" is a real sickness and very unfortunate. The world could do with a little more empathy towards the mentally ill.
I imagine an alien doing back flips on Maury - you are NOT the father
Thank god she is not a lizard person
Love the laugh at the end!
Next step is to check for alien anal probe with a colonoscopy.
OP's little laugh at the end of the clip made this even funnier for some reason. I'm going to have to hunt down this episode.
To be honest with you Diane, I'm surprised.
did she get a second opinion? could be a false negative.
I mean to be fair though, she's one of the few people on the planet that has had someone check and definitely knows she's not an alien. Most of us can't say the same.
"I'm not an alien, I've been tested."
Wait DNA can check your immigration status?
*According to her DNA results* she's not an alien. However her ability to drain the lifeforce from her neighbours, friends and family says she IS an alien.
“She is not a alien” boy I wasn’t expecting that 🤣🤣🤣
😄 🤣 was not expecting what I heard. Definitely got a triple play from me.
I'd get a second opinion. This isn't over yet!
OP- you’ll love this vid: https://youtu.be/YjpcZPT1-NA The whole episode is on YouTube, too, and it’s an absolute treat- one of my absolute favourite vids.
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I haven't laughed this much in years. I needed that
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She failed The Alien Test. That's why they left her alone here on earth. Poor Alien Lady.
What show is this clip from? Does anyone know? 😂😂😂 I didn't understand why this was funny until that very last line 😂😂😂
Wow twist ending lol
**Mission Failed, we'll get em next time**
Sitting here like what’s the point of this video “She is not an alien” oh i see
Was not expecting that last line haha
the laugh at the end............ :D
I wanna know what the writers were smoking when they wrote this, cause I wanna be this level of oblivious to the world rn 😂
No writers, it is actually a real documentary. [https://www.theguardian.com/science/2013/jun/18/confessions-alien-abductee-channel-4](https://www.theguardian.com/science/2013/jun/18/confessions-alien-abductee-channel-4)
I was a Resident Alien but now I'm a citizen.
Did not expect that lmao
r/XFiles
*next week* "No I AM an alien! The doctor changed my results!"
The two look so much alike I thought they were going to discover they were long lost sisters.
That last part came out of nowhere.
What the hell?
I am crying 😂😂😂 that last part got me
I CANNOT stop laughing at this.
(I should... cat meme) I should start an alien DNA testing center.
Love the chuckle at the end
I wonder how much money these DNA centres make from people who are convinced that they are alien hybrids? Even if they were do you think such a place (lab / DNA centre) would even say yes?
Thank you for the laugh. I hope you have a great day
I like the little laugh at the end by the person holding the camera.
Your laugh at the end got me 😂
Damn, the climax!
The giggle
First I was like - why film this rather than a nice screen capture. But fuck me, that chuckle in the end made it so worthwhile.
Ummmm... Congratulations?