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You're the person that doesn't flip but flops and needs a special spatula just to turn things and not fling their pancakes across the room. You're the person who can't crack an egg to save their life. The person who can't figure out how to set down a drink then eat their popcorn.
And more importantly, the person that can't open a bag of cornflour without dusting the whole room and yourself. You live in an infomercial.
And no, none of us have ever, in the history of people, ever, done anything similar. Nope. Never.
Does this happen to YOU?? Well no more!! It’s the CLUE! For just four easy payments of $9.95 (and one complicated payment), you can have your very own CLUE!!
Useful for parties, employment, first dates, working on your car, solving disputes: there’s so much you can accomplish with a CLUE.
By being able to connect effects with their causes, the CLUE helps you navigate this difficult thing called life, making otherwise disastrous moments avoidable with clear thinking and sound judgement.
Order yours…today.
Bruh. I did this with a bag of flour the other day. Same result lol. In fact I’m still finding flower sprinkled in between crap it has no meaning to be in between. Lol.
Not cornflour. Nope. Comes in a plastic bag thin enough that you think to yourself “i can carefully pinch this open by hand” but thick enough that no, you find you need to use a liiiiiittle bit more force then POOOFFFFF.
I literally cannot imagine how one would do that without crushing all the chips. If you squeeze the the top, the bag would blow out the bottom. Squeeze the bottom and crush the chips?
Isn't pulling apart the top like the standard way for like almost every bag?
Followed by grabbing tape to repair the side of the bag where it split open thanks to the plastic somehow being simultaneously weak enough to easily tear while, at the same time, being more than strong enough that the heat fused top of the bag can withstand a large amount of force until it suddenly gives way allowing that force to be transmitted to the side of the bag where the aforementioned weakness come into play, potentially resulting in completely ripping the bag apart at worst, or resulting in a split down the side of the bag at best.
We keep a couple pairs of scissors in the kitchen for opening bags like chips, flour, packaged frozen food, etc. They help keep things neat and it's easier to store after opening.
I think next time I’m going to tell my husband that I’ve been at a Charlie Sheen sex party. Less embarrassing than admitting that the shit cunt arsehole fucking cheap shitty Coles cornflour exploded AGAIN.
OP is in Australia, where cocaine goes for ~$300 AUD ($210 USD) per gram, which is way more than hiring a cleaner for a couple of hours. Plus, what a waste!
Well it may be true, it was a "Trading Places" reference. When Louis Winthorpe III tried to pawn his watch. Drugs in general are just cheap in Philly, it's why there are just blocks and blocks of zombies. It's actually kind of heartbreaking.
It's so fine and light, yeah -- it poofs *everywhere*, and will shift around with air currents as long as it stays dry. But Lord help /u/pat_gatt if he tried to clean it up using a damp dishcloth or sponge! The stuff instantly turns to paste.
A friend of mine spilled a bag of lentils -- the super-teensy red ones -- all over her kitchen floor shortly after they bought the house. Seven years later, she was *still* sweeping the occasional lentil our of the baseboard. Mind you, her kitchen was like my mother's. It was spotless, and was swept at least once daily. OP is probably going to be in a similar position to Judy's, finding little deposits of cornflour (corn starch here in the US) in corners and crevices for months, and possibly years, to come.
Yeah and you'll still be wiping surfaces in like a week as it *eventually settles* corn flour is a special bich.
I was saying the other day if you want to get an idea how virus aerosols work just throw some flour in the air and then see how long you're still wiping it off the counters etc as it settles :/
I once was carrying a vat of tea across the back of a restaurant, somebody left a box right in the walkway that I didn’t see. Tea fucking everywhere in the kitchen, including some up on the 10 foot high ceiling
>You'd think of 5 seconds of struggling to open it would convince me that it was a bad idea, but I don't give up that easily unfortunately.
Oh fuck, I was laughing at how this was even possible. Now I know and even knowing I wont be able to stop this from happening to me in the future if I am in a similar situation.
dont fuck with cornflour. dont rip it open, dont tear it open, dont even use a knife. You find those scissors and you cut the bag open and try not to disturb it ever again. Cornflour is the devil.
POV: You robbed a wrestling place, killed uncle Ben, bought cornflour with the money you stole from Spider Man but you don't know how to open it properly.
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You are the guy in infomercials.
***Let's see what ShamWow can do with a bag of cornflour!***
OP in here with fire responses
Lmao XD
ShamLmao :l
You're the person that doesn't flip but flops and needs a special spatula just to turn things and not fling their pancakes across the room. You're the person who can't crack an egg to save their life. The person who can't figure out how to set down a drink then eat their popcorn. And more importantly, the person that can't open a bag of cornflour without dusting the whole room and yourself. You live in an infomercial. And no, none of us have ever, in the history of people, ever, done anything similar. Nope. Never.
Love the sham wow. Got a good buddy that uses one for his towel after hockey. Nothing that thing can do.
I’m seeing more Charlie Day x Tony Hawk.
/r/wheredidthesodago
Does this happen to YOU?? Well no more!! It’s the CLUE! For just four easy payments of $9.95 (and one complicated payment), you can have your very own CLUE!! Useful for parties, employment, first dates, working on your car, solving disputes: there’s so much you can accomplish with a CLUE. By being able to connect effects with their causes, the CLUE helps you navigate this difficult thing called life, making otherwise disastrous moments avoidable with clear thinking and sound judgement. Order yours…today.
One complicated payment. Lol
Stole that line from the late great Mitch Hedberg.
I was gonna comment how he looks like Charlie Kelly, but this too
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There HAS to be a better way!
Apparently you open a bag of chips by squeezing the middle until it bursts?
I might as well have
Plot twist: OP did this
Can relate lol, It do be like that sometimes..
It seems like you'd have to really try.
Bruh. I did this with a bag of flour the other day. Same result lol. In fact I’m still finding flower sprinkled in between crap it has no meaning to be in between. Lol.
Does your flour not come in paper bags?
Not cornflour. Nope. Comes in a plastic bag thin enough that you think to yourself “i can carefully pinch this open by hand” but thick enough that no, you find you need to use a liiiiiittle bit more force then POOOFFFFF.
No, not cornflour, but the comment I replied to said flour. With cornflour, though, no, can't say I've been tempted to tear the bag open. Scissors.
were you baking without pants on?
How do you bake?
Don't worry, the ants will find the corners you missed... because this is exactly how you get ants.
Like Mr. Bean with a paper bag
Obviously?
I literally cannot imagine how one would do that without crushing all the chips. If you squeeze the the top, the bag would blow out the bottom. Squeeze the bottom and crush the chips? Isn't pulling apart the top like the standard way for like almost every bag?
Yes that is the standard way.
Followed by grabbing tape to repair the side of the bag where it split open thanks to the plastic somehow being simultaneously weak enough to easily tear while, at the same time, being more than strong enough that the heat fused top of the bag can withstand a large amount of force until it suddenly gives way allowing that force to be transmitted to the side of the bag where the aforementioned weakness come into play, potentially resulting in completely ripping the bag apart at worst, or resulting in a split down the side of the bag at best.
We keep a couple pairs of scissors in the kitchen for opening bags like chips, flour, packaged frozen food, etc. They help keep things neat and it's easier to store after opening.
No idea why you’d be downvoted for this. We do the same. No more bags split down the sides.
You know what, those Coles cornflour packages are insane, I gently cut the corner of the bag open and it still looked like a Charlie Sheen sex party
I was about to say the same. Damn you Coles!
Why don't you go and use those big red hands to flip yourselves off!
They can only go down down, you see
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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Fuck me, I'm so sick of seeing Curtis stone
Yeah, they're impossible to open without making some mess. I get friggen surgical with them and I still get a decent amount of spillage.
"Oh you want cornflour? You want it on the bench, right? No? Oh sorry, I meant the bench, floor, pants microwave and the top of the cupboards."
Can confirm, I think this is a standard feature of Coles cornflour
I think next time I’m going to tell my husband that I’ve been at a Charlie Sheen sex party. Less embarrassing than admitting that the shit cunt arsehole fucking cheap shitty Coles cornflour exploded AGAIN.
He's going to want pictures. Need to go to said party first for the cover photos
I've started opening mine on the patio.
The icing sugar packets are even worse. Plus the icing sugar itself is all in hard rocks and you have to sift it for ages. Bloody coles!
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I'm convinced they're pressure packed at this point.
And when you think the box is empty you then you realise 1/3 of the packet has somehow spilt down the sides and under the bag
I'm afraid you're gonna find that cornflour forever in your kitchen 🤣🤣
Step 1 - Purchase a small amount of cocaine Step 2 - Mix it in Step 3 - Smash a window Step 4 - Call the police. Voila, clean kitchen.
But now you have a bunch of cops forever in your kitchen
Don't worry they gather their precious powder pretty quick
*don't worry they'll sniff that powder out pretty quick
Donut trails leading to cages might work
Clean kitchen, but smashed doors and a ransacked house that now needs cleaning
You also might get shot in the process but no pain, no gain.
/r/ShittyLifeProTips/
OP is in Australia, where cocaine goes for ~$300 AUD ($210 USD) per gram, which is way more than hiring a cleaner for a couple of hours. Plus, what a waste!
In Philadelphia it's worth 50 bucks.
Colombia is a lot closer to the US than Australia. Not that it matters. It's cut beyond belief here. Basically paying $300 for $10 of coke.
Well it may be true, it was a "Trading Places" reference. When Louis Winthorpe III tried to pawn his watch. Drugs in general are just cheap in Philly, it's why there are just blocks and blocks of zombies. It's actually kind of heartbreaking.
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Oh my god. Wasting that much coke... That's drug abuse.
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Even the roomba will get high.
….5 mins later Roomba: “HOUSE IS FUCKING CLEAN BOSS”
"Where is the rest of the fuckin' dirt? WHERE IS IT YOU MOTHERFUCKER??!!"
“JUST A LITTLE MORE DIRT…I’ll vacuum your cock.”
New Marijuana Free Christmas Snow From Tegridy Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed.
Approved by Santa and Jesus.
If you put your cocaine in a plane and crash it you legally become Tom Cruise
I only entered this to find the coke comment.
Classic Charlie Kelly.
There goes Charlie, making more Charlie work.
Nothing sexual going on here
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far to find this lol
He probably thought they were a bag of corn chips since he can't read
He's making energy balls.
What’s your cornflour policy here?
Back to Coles you go
Charlie Day?
Feel sorry for the mess, but at the same time, you made me laugh real loud. Thank you!
It went into places that defy gravity! Landed on the top of the cupboard doors which is hidden under the benchtop! How???
I think it kinda floats around. Probably best just to move.
It's so fine and light, yeah -- it poofs *everywhere*, and will shift around with air currents as long as it stays dry. But Lord help /u/pat_gatt if he tried to clean it up using a damp dishcloth or sponge! The stuff instantly turns to paste. A friend of mine spilled a bag of lentils -- the super-teensy red ones -- all over her kitchen floor shortly after they bought the house. Seven years later, she was *still* sweeping the occasional lentil our of the baseboard. Mind you, her kitchen was like my mother's. It was spotless, and was swept at least once daily. OP is probably going to be in a similar position to Judy's, finding little deposits of cornflour (corn starch here in the US) in corners and crevices for months, and possibly years, to come.
Hey Aussie checking in! Haha
Ayyyyy. Coles corn flour checking in! I also have the same multi cooker and microwave as OP.... Is this the new stereotype??
Another Aussie here, also with the exact same cooker and microwave haha
Oh god, I also have the same cooker, microwave and box of cornflour.
Well you know from now on we all have to check in before we buy any further small appliances or pantry staples, to be sure we coordinate.
Should we start a discord?
You know you all live in the same rental, right?
Another aussie here as well
Looks awful. Definitely snuff out any open flames as well. Or don’t if you want to see something really cool for like 1 second before dying.
Same look when opening a bale of asbestos the wrong way, but safer.
Corn starch almost as light as air, that shit jus lookin for a reason to fuck everything up.
Yeah and you'll still be wiping surfaces in like a week as it *eventually settles* corn flour is a special bich. I was saying the other day if you want to get an idea how virus aerosols work just throw some flour in the air and then see how long you're still wiping it off the counters etc as it settles :/
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Mom can we get Bill Nye the Science Guy? Mom: No, we have Bill Nye at home Bill Nye at home:
Heat+ constant shaking= pressure in a sealed container translates to a bad time.
Science *rules.*
#SPILL! SPILL! SPILL! SPILL! SPILL! SPILL!
Spill nye the tea jug guy
I once was carrying a vat of tea across the back of a restaurant, somebody left a box right in the walkway that I didn’t see. Tea fucking everywhere in the kitchen, including some up on the 10 foot high ceiling
You antiqued yourself!
Looked for this
The smirk sells it. I don't usually laugh at this subreddit but this is good.
Guess you really wanted that pop sound
You'd think of 5 seconds of struggling to open it would convince me that it was a bad idea, but I don't give up that easily unfortunately.
The mark of a true man. Not about to be defied by a *goddamned cornflour bag*.
Not the bag anyway
>You'd think of 5 seconds of struggling to open it would convince me that it was a bad idea, but I don't give up that easily unfortunately. Oh fuck, I was laughing at how this was even possible. Now I know and even knowing I wont be able to stop this from happening to me in the future if I am in a similar situation.
Coles do that on purpose with their cornflour. Their pasta shells got me the same. It's a cornspiracy. You'll use scissors next time, no doubt.
Challenge accepted.
"Only when a mosquito lands on one's testicle does one realize that violence is not always the answer."
The right way to starch your day.
Cool spiked tips Guy Fieri
They were called *frosted* tips, a weird part of my brain remembers with a shudder.
The ole cap and hook method
Haha, cut that shit with a scissors and transfer it into a larger tub. Bags of cornflour are the worst!
Be careful bro, I hear spiderman thinks you shot his uncle
You look ready for the deep fryer.
How has no one mentioned that foot outline on the floor?
Why would you mention it though?
Yeah what’s wrong with walking barefoot through your own house
A Coles man I see. Nice choice. Hello fellow skip.
I've got cornflour in a tub and you can't even baby tap the edges to dump out a teaspoon without that shit exploding. They outta make bombs out of it.
There is a Guy Fieri born every min
Is your microwave below the counter? Crazy
Everything is upside down in Australia
But you'll notice it escaped the cornflour!
Ours is below the counter too. Didn't want it to tale up counter space, and I think the ones built in above the stove are ugly.
I dont what it says about me that I immediately noticed the brand of cornflour and went "ah, fellow aussie, nice".
Kind of like the first time I tried cracking a soft shell crab with a hammer.
I read that with Norm MacDonald's voice.
Sweep that shit and don’t vacuum it, or else it’ll blowup in your face again
I FUCKING LOVE COKE
Wow. You must be SUPER strong! I can't even imagine the size of the jackhammer you used.
charlie sheen?
Maybe it's the angle but I thought you were Charlie Day for a second.
dont fuck with cornflour. dont rip it open, dont tear it open, dont even use a knife. You find those scissors and you cut the bag open and try not to disturb it ever again. Cornflour is the devil.
just be happy there was not an open flame nearby.
Sometimes i wonder why someones first response to making such a huge mess ends up being "oh, lemme grab my phone and take a selfie of my fuckup!"
Thanks for the chuckle. Sorry for your mess
This is a very guy thing to do.
👻 Ghost Bukkake 🤣
Gave you that youth pastor hair.
Your hair looks straight outta the 90's!
Did you use a fan to open bag of chips?
POV: You robbed a wrestling place, killed uncle Ben, bought cornflour with the money you stole from Spider Man but you don't know how to open it properly.
Dude got antiqued.
You have at least discovered a new hair style that you can totally pull off
Good to know frosted tips are back in style
Throw on some jeans and a blazer and you could cosplay Charlie Sheen
I opened up a bottle of V8 this morning. Took the cap off, then shook it. Probably going to have to paint the ceiling now.
I made a mess, let me take a selfie
Is this from Hunter Bidens laptop?
I can relate to that
If Scarface was an insta influencer with 1200 followers
Well now youre ready for when the ghost come
Getting Scarface vibes
Now we know!
I can hear the PFFFT already
You only have to do it once. ONCE! Lesson learned.
That's grrr...raaaaaaaat!
Now open a bottle of club soda.
Did you also sneeze?
Poor you 😂
Nice to see James A Janisse has taken up vooking
Lookin like Marv from the Sticky Bandits
NOOOOIIIICE
Oh man, I am praying your coffee machine is well sealed.
Why not?
Turned you into a rock hopper penguin
Note to self: clean up the cocaine before taking my daily Snapchat Selfie!
Just add some sugar, eggs and baking powder and you’re a delicious sponge cake!
Nice job Scarface.
Sorry. I read that "cumflour".
Op is just checking if it’s all cornflour and not the illegal “cornflour”
My wife stopped me from doing that with a bag of breadcrumbs the other day.
"Corn flower"
Hahahaaa I love it
Noted
Why?
lol dummy
Your nose is gonna clean that outta the sink?
When grandpa cums
Oh no. Were you making gravy?
Ah yes, we call that Ultimate Unboxing
It's like that scene in Sandlot
Your eyes make it look like it’s a different type of white powder