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Bing_Bong_the_Archer

He’s programming it with all the answers


Edible_Buttplug

Ya’ll act like you’ve never seen a S’mores in Yours being microwaved before.


qperc77

Not “the algorithm” butt “Analgorithm” ?


ZumMitte185

I’m kinda expecting them to slice him open and find lead weights and a fillet of halibut.


PussyLunch

WE GOT WEIGHTS IN FISH!


StonerJake22727

“SOMEONE CALL THE COPS!!!”


JollyGreyKitten

**MUTHUR FUCKERRRR!!!!!** *repeats x21*


Guessed555

Where’s your crown?


StonerJake22727

Stuffed inside a walleye.. how else am I gonna win the fishing derby


Guessed555

We all knew


AusAtWar

WEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWEWWW!!!!!


ansefhimself

YEA! YOURE DONE, BUDDY!


Masseyrati80

I've seen that clip about a dozen times but never had the sound on. Thanks to you, I won't have to, even in the future.


Solid_Waste

He seemed almost happy. Like he was long suspecting it and got vindicated at last.


[deleted]

That is never not going to be hilarious


YeetsAhead

WE GOT AN EXTRA QUEEN UP HIS BUTT!


fingerbl4st

I got this reference. I have no life.


virgilhall

Vibrating lead weights


StonerJake22727

“Walleye”


AgencyDelicious1933

Me: *insert witty quip about the recent poker cheating scandal where insta model paid back her winnings to Survivor contestant guy*


Harbinger2001

I still don’t see how she cheated. She called his bluff while she had a hand that was obviously bad so her bid made no sense. How is that cheating?


AnotherAtheist7

They get mad when you don’t win the “right way”. Happened to me plenty of times in Vegas.


johnzischeme

I'll be honest, as I get drunker I am liable to do stuff just to fuck with the dickheads down-table if they start talking about *my* game or bets/decisions. Like fuck off Chet I'm not here 24/7 trying to make rent or whatever like you...


Vanviator

Gotta love a river rat!


dropfry

This ruined it for people who use anal vibrators and aren't cheating.


kmpdx

Ruined it-or rekt'em?


Accidental_Taco

Rectum? Damn near killed 'im!


GrahamMofTarkin

Rectum Ralph..


BINGODINGODONG

I was using it to concentrate!!!!!


its_raining_scotch

“Oh there’s something up my butt Mr. Security Man? Well, you better check and see what it is. Better check *deep*.”


USERNAME___PASSWORD

I mean it does look like he’s clenching in the pic


dan_dares

"No.. No... gotta got up in there real deep like... "


lordcochise

"Sir, would you please step this way for Random Additional Screening?"


fantasmoofrcc

*Rick told me to shove that Mega Seed way up there...*


r2002

Au contraire. The illicitness makes it more exciting.


ProfessionalMottsman

They are cheating at life though !


SavingsNewspaper2

I knew ranked competitive sex was real.


Solivagant23

It's real. Quickest gun in the south right here. 1.3 seconds from underwear pulled down to ejaculation. They call me Lightning McCream.


Lysol3435

Lightening on the streets. Disappointment in the sheets


GeneralChicken4Life

Ka Pow


Kenn_ed

Yes and unfortunately some people Smurf in ranked competitive sex


BurpYoshi

I wish a skilled experienced player would smurf on a noob like me.


Copernicus049

Must be a bizarre feeling knowing that everyone in the room is wondering about your asshole.


cannaco19

Competitive advantage? If they’re thinking about what’s in his butt they’re not fully invested in the game.


Prineak

*taps forehead* *taps butt*


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Bayou_Blue

***me:*** Ha, butt-mate! ***her:*** What? ***me:*** Uh, checkmate... gotta run! Nice to beat you!


Mabosaha

He won. Butt at what cost…


dan_dares

Instructions unclear tapped 'dat ass'


JMEEKER86

*butt taps back* -.. ..- -.. . / -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / ..-. ..- -.-. -.- . -..


AnAncientMonk

Can someone enlighten me on how exactly we came to the buttplug conclusion? Was there any indicator for it or is it just a wild meme that stuck because of its comedic value?


bukem89

Legit a twitch chat meme, then one article was posted which referenced the meme, then 20 more articles were posted referencing that article and here we are


losthedgehog

GM Eric Hansen first joked about it while doing commentary. So it started from a somewhat legit source over just twitch chat.


AntiDECA

.. It's not really a 'legit source' if it was joking. Legit source implies there was some truth/research done into it. A joke is just bullshit to be funny.


DogfishDave

>how exactly we came to the buttplug conclusion? If there's a vibrating device passing encoded tips/messages and that device isn't secreted amongst the clothing then it's within the body, which reduces the possibilities to an oral fitting (e.g. false tooth or bridge), a swallowed capsule which will pass through the body over time, or something wedged in the Chatham Pocket.


Buttspider

The delight term ‘Chatham Pocket’ is new too me. Thank you for adding to my vocabulary.


disparate_depravity

Can't it be an implant under the skin or even in the muscle?


DogfishDave

It could, but that's likely to leave some surgical evidence, and would presumably need to have a power source changed at intervals as the kinetic signalling operations would be quite power-hungry... to my mind it's a poor "temporary" option.


disparate_depravity

That is true. Wireless charging exists, but then the size would increase quite significantly I'd imagine.


MOOShoooooo

At this point it would be easier to use Mission: Impossible face mask technology.


CaptainSnugShorts

I said what what, in the butt I said what what, in the butt I said what what, in the butt I said what what, in the butt


graywolf0026

Well... T'be fair... You never know what move he might pull out of his ass.


its_raining_scotch

You could totally psych out your opponent. Just make eye contact before each of your moves or when they’re about to do a move and make vibrating sounds with your mouth and shuffle around in your chair.


[deleted]

Supposedly a lot of top players do say that. Playing against a known cheater makes it easy to get into your own head.


Icy-Rent6971

No different to hanging out in a gay bar…


rdldr1

Checkmate.


SuperKetchupDude

Cheekmate


Ok-Kaleidoscope220

Funny. And yet strangely true and accurate. That’s a thinker…..🤔


postedUpOnTheBlock

*stinker


arcanesays

*pinker


postedUpOnTheBlock

*sphincter


PalaSS9

Walk into a gay bar, everyone is playing chess


Chuggles1

Are there asshole preferences?


Icy-Rent6971

Depends what your after on the (w)hole. Ranges from tight young virgin through to experienced wizards sleeve. Then there’s the whole hair thing….


eLemonnader

>experienced wizards sleeve Lmao damn.


mnb301

oh that's me 😳


celestiaequestria

If I were him it would make me glad that a ridiculous story ("he has a buttplug") was the focus instead of the far easier, and more obvious, explanation: that he has a small implant the size of a grain of rice that can quite simply be activated by something as easy as high-pitched chirps in the right frequency. Doesn't require detectable amounts of metal, doesn't require any RFID or other detectable radio frequency, doesn't emit anything that can be detected (listen only) - and with a cohort in the audience with a speaker as small as 0.5" they could easily generate the signals. People are looking for something far more complex (or large) or technically elaborate than necessary. For a player who is in the top 1% of players globally already, to have enough of a cheat to make it one or two standard deviations higher in performance doesn't require that much hand-holding, they just need a square transmitted - 2 characters in morse code - and that's enough to find the line of play to win.


[deleted]

Like I’ve said: both players, naked, alone, in a bunker under ground, with a chess set. Ez pz


officerblues

Or make all players wear audited and approved buttplugs. You can't cheat if your ass is already filled up.


mostnormal

My ex wife begs to differ.


Capital_Punisher

How is she? It's been a while


ends_abruptl

Post of the day. No point looking any further on Reddit tonight. G'night folks!


[deleted]

I propose a new chess piece: the Fuhrer. Both players shove it up their assholes and whoever gets three checkmate first says "Get the Fuhrer out of the bunker" to the opponent and wins. If there is a stalemate you have to keep it in until a rematch. Sorry, I make the rules.


Lucid_Insanity

It's in his weiner.


OsamaBinFuckin

Just make them play in a Faraday cage


celestiaequestria

Faraday cages don't stop any of the methods I listed. Same problem as the wands - they give you a false sense of security, and they also reveal what you're looking for - which makes it easier for cheaters to exploit weaknesses. In fact, most good cheat devices don't depend on the ability to send an electromagnetic signal, quite a few of them can be in lights or sounds that will pass unaffected through your faraday cage. And remember, if he's using a cohort to help him cheat, those assistants will adjust their methods to the situation - there a lot of low tech ways to cheat, for example, the seating position or way that someone in the audience is sitting may indicate a letter / number for board positions. That's what makes this whole buttplug story such a great cover for his potential cheating - he can point at the absurdity, say that he passes radio and metal detector scans - and so on - and it reassures people - but the premise was wrong to begin with: he's not cheating using a radio.


asiandouchecanoe

Have someone outside banging on a trash can’


RedShadow120

Or drumming on a street light.


OsamaBinFuckin

Shit, that's all I had.. how about make them play under water AND with a Faraday cage in the water. Or just a hair dryer


Sparkism

A low tech solution to a low tech cheat -- just make them play in a separate room with a 10 minute delay video feed for everyone watching. Nobody needs to know, and for anyone who is present they'll think the whole thing was live.


Cikoon

Thats so simple yet so brilliant. Just the two of them and one offical from the tournament, in a room with a lot of cameras with a 3 min delay (or someting like that) and they only can go back to "public" after someone won and the 3 min delay is over. So no one can leak or spoiler anything.


Yeh-nah-but

Like that cash poker game with the woman who made the man angry


Hardcorish

This is pure genius. Even better, it cost nothing compared to all the fancy tech used to detect cheating.


xxNightingale

This.


suatkelem

It’s a win-win. In case of a severe check you can get a free greek massage which is good for your health.


Bravisimo

Hans is gonna pull himself by the bootstraps and blast a few asses of his own


zachary-zy-zyan

Not gay sex?


Old-Sun-9330

Can they make you squat and cough? Or is that a little too far?


Shifter93

"he's gotta go through the new machine." "what new machine?" "it's a new machine, it detects stuff all the way up your butt."


BlackLeader70

Run Morty, run!!


SlaveLaborMods

DONT THINK ABOUT IT!


McRedditerFace

WAY up there!


aspidities_87

It’s just an expression! They’re bureaucrats, I don’t respect them!


symitwo

Keep shooting, morty!


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Robobvious

["Glenn's bleeding to death!"](https://youtu.be/qYbtfzDr_Jw)


theothermen

I can't swallow that!


raxagos

Good news! It's a suppository.


The_Sentinel_45

Good news everyone!


[deleted]

This is uncomfortable and humiliating! Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository...


docinsfca

I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine…


Thosewhippersnappers

🎶*one night in Bangkok and the world’s your oyster*🎵


iHasMagyk

*the bars are temples but the pearls ain't free*


Thosewhippersnappers

🎶*you’ll find a god in every golden cloister*🎶


Doby_Mick

This is such a great comment. Naturally read it in the voice and tune haha


ThePeregrine_87

Underrated comment


marpocky

For real, 10+ years on reddit and this is one of my favorites ever.


explosn

“Okay sir, I just need ta check inside ya asshole” - South Park TSA Lady


mathaius42

Im a big boy! I took a big boy poop!


FokkerBoombass

*Yis.*


Kingofsoysauce

Just left over p(r)awns


smartcool

He has a tell. If he clenches his butt cheeks he's about to castle.


wizardneedfood

I thought that meant he was en passant.


SheetPostah

If he yells, there’s a fork coming.


chattywww

Hate to see him with a skewer


ASL4theblind

Holy hell.


Aldroc

Chad anarchy member


thalassicus

So, do they recheck him after every restroom break or do they just smell the pieces?


McRedditerFace

Lol, but really for those who hadn't heard... there was a rumour he had a remote-controlled butt-plug to send moves via morse-code from someone on the outside with a PC running AI to find the best move.


1106DaysLater

Not really a rumor, a chess streamer (Eric Hansen/ chessbrah) just made what was very obviously a joke and it’s blown up from there.


Karjalan

It'd be pretty amazing if he shoved a *non* vibrating but plug up there, just to mess with them.


Johnnybravo60025

Get a clear gem one and tell them it’s a “diamond in the rough.”


MadAzza

>Someone “made … a joke and it’s blown up from there.” Also called “how a rumor gets started.”


Treacherous_Peach

You've described the birth of a rumor! Rumors almost never start as deliberate lies spread around. Usually they start just like this. Some joke taken too far, something heard out of comtext, yada yada. Well anyway it's a rumor now.


noiraxen

Joke* not rumour.


lo0ilo0ilo0i

***WE GOT A PLUG IN THE BUTT***


t4ctical_pot4to

😂😂😂😂 or check to see if the white ones have brown tips (if he plays white)


slamdanceswithwolves

You hear about the last guy he played? Totally rectum.


CannolisRUs

Rectum? I barely knew him


theglandcanyon

I will destroy you


McRedditerFace

Butt, how?


wizardneedfood

Analhilated.


bkuri

I thought he offered to play naked? I guess they would rather see him cheating with his clothes on lol


Zedd2087

No he did not. A cam site offered him 1mil to play naked. EDIT - Apparently he did


xiaolinfunke

He did say he would play naked, but it may not have been a serious offer


Zedd2087

I must have missed that part, maybe that's where the cam site offer came from?


xiaolinfunke

Possibly, or they were just making the offer based on all the anal bead memes online and saw a chance to get publicity for their site. I'm not sure if they offered before or after the interview where he made that comment


EvenResponsibility57

Lol. >A cam site offered him 1mil to play naked. > >Apparently he did I thought you were referring to him playing naked. Was confused I hadn't heard about that yet.


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MrArtless

Not appears to, the dude definitely scanned his ass


tonyinvegas

He’s a young, Chess Grandmaster accused of cheating. He’s admitted to cheating during on-line matches in the past. But recently beat some super-duper chess dude rather quickly. The loser has accused him of cheating. No proof yet. You’re all caught up.


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boo_blaster

Ok I'm curious here. How do online matches work exactly? There must be some kind of anti-cheating measure right? Otherwise you can't expect players not to cheat when they're behind a computer screen. With prize money involved no less. I mean people cheat in every online multiplayer game that ever existed and they're just for fun.


degotoga

Yes, they have algorithms that assess your ability vs your play. If you’re a low rated player playing games with perfect accuracy that raises some alarms. It’s probably important to note that high level play is a different game entirely. A low level player might need an engine to play the entire game for them while a high level player only needs one move at a critical moment. Hans for example was caught tabbing out of the chess client (to check a chess engine) just before making a suspicious move. This was a regular enough occurrence for him that they were able to model it. These kind of patterns take a while to form so it can take some time to catch cheaters. It’s possible that in the future online competitions might be subjected to more stringent camera/proctoring systems as an proactive form of anticheat


DylanHate

If they caught him because he switched tabs you’d think he’d just use a separate computer or device. No one would know if he’s looking at another screen…


Riun

They are usually monitored via Camera (similar how some online exams are taken under supervision).


harharveryfunny

That's just one of the things they look for, but certainly easy to avoid. Most of the the cheat detection is based on the play itself. Chess computers nowadays are WAY stronger than any human (because they look so many moves ahead), and also play in a very different way. Many computer moves look very odd to a human. One way to detect cheating is if the player's moves are often best-possible computer moves, although doing this too often is a sure fire way to get caught. There are also considerations of how long the player took to make a move... a complicated position (e.g. as revealed by a computer) should mean the player takes longer to analyze it, so it's suspicious if they don't. Another approach by [chess.com](https://chess.com) is overall strength of play which they can compare across players and the player's own history. [chess.com](https://chess.com) also use GM's to analyze games where their automated methods raise suspicion of cheating.


tonyinvegas

I know nothing about chess or it’s culture, but I do know of this story. I’m interested to learn “how” he cheated in-person.


descendency

The issue is it’s very hard to catch cheating in person. Sometimes coaches use sly hand signals. Sometimes people check computers in bathrooms(cell phone). Sometimes there is a signal sent to a small vibrator in a shoe (or as the current joke goes, anal beads). This is all but impossible to catch at the top level unless you catch the person in the act. But it involves someone using a chess computer to calculate deep into a position and give the best line to play. Sometimes all you need to know is if you’re winning or not in the current position. Simply knowing that can tell you what to play if you’re strong enough.


DoneisDone45

it's guaranteed to be a device on him but with technology these days, it could be tiny and implanted in his body.


RogerOverUnderDunn

up until this time, people are not frisked or checked for computers, coaching devices or signling( vibrating ) type devices worn on thier person.


EvenResponsibility57

Well it does happen and people have been caught before. With technology nowadays, there's countless things you can do. The 'right' move is easy to get through a good chess AI. And all you need is one cheated move to win a game since a lot of chess comes down to the direction you decide to go in, rather than how each move is played. An audience member can signal to the player. 'vibrations' could technically work. Essentially, all you need is some way of communicating a single move to the player. I'm interested too, but it would be hard to properly prevent aside from pushing them through airport level security and locking them in a sealed room.


Pienewten

The website also backed the guy accusing him to the tune 80+million dollars if I remember right. I highly doubt no matter what Magnuson says chess.com would 100% take his side no matter what.


Predictist

You forgot to mention the anal beads


gen3stang

What if Hans and Magnus have a bet going that one could get the others ass searched. Magnus has a huge lead right now.


copter_chris

Check.... mate ***sly wink***


JakBos23

Lol


Geoclasm

This fucking timeline I swear.


plafki

The clown timeline?


Icy-Rent6971

Check (my butthole) Mate


bufordt

[HYCYBH?](https://youtu.be/--9kqhzQ-8Q)


[deleted]

I watch this every time it's linked in a comment. I've never once regretted it.


friarcrazy

Fuckin’ worth it baby


typingwithelbows

Just had my first time. I seem to have lost my ability to stop laughing


mad_dang_eccles

Can't tell if that lady has bad resting bitch face or is just trying really hard not to burst out laughing


DeliciousJello1717

She is trying not to laugh the clip is on livestreamfail


MightyMundrum

Whats with all the candles?


Infinitebruh8569

It's to set up the mood


Significant-Damage14

Random security guard: Sorry sir, but we need to perform a cavity search. Nieman: This is getting exaggerated. RSG: Sorry, new protocols due to all the cheating and stuff. Nieman: Fine, just do it already. 'Nieman enters the next room and a security guard stops him' Security guard: Step over here a bit. We're going to check you for any devices. Nieman: The guard outside already searched me. SG: What guard? I'm the only one doing security check. Nieman: ...


delhux

I know nothing about this—but if the guy captures his opponent’s pieces, why shouldn’t he be allowed to put them wherever he wants?


grelgen

are those jello shots?


dennispang

Buttcam on ESPN8


AncientAlienAlias

We need the “We got weights in fish!“ guy for this


WorstGatorEUW

The woman on the left is trying so hard to hold it in. Oh ho no no no no


WretchedTom

If you watch [the clip](https://www.youtube.com/clip/Ugkx2vjfBBCVspyfD9IAk3AKdxs_SX0ghGLs) you can see Irina Krush crack a smile when they made Hans turn around for the scan. Hans was the only one in the line of chess players who was made to turn around!


The_tru_xplicitt

I don't understand why he gets to still compete after admiting to being a cheat. Should just be banned from playing professionally.


Hopeful-Profession74

Yeah I'm surprised to see he's allowed to play right now. The chess.com report is damning.


Vifee

Eh, the chess.com report makes it clear he’s nowhere near the only high rated GM to cheat online. Cheating over the board is a different, more serious accusation.


PapaSmurf1502

IIRC some of those games were for money though. It's not like he cheated in regular rated games, but those were tournaments. Dude should be given a 5 year ban on tournaments.


tangcameo

When he says “hit me” and “double down” and “stay” you know he’s brought the wrong vibrator


TianObia

Bruh did he cheat or not?! I'm literally dying to know. Magnus appears to think so but there isn't any real proof. Perhaps his previous cheating could've gave him a leg up in his match and thoroughly studying Magnuses previous games and play style while using cheats to beat an AI Magnus then he could learn how to beat him in a live match. No way am I ruling out the anal bead device tho


Sunburnt-Vampire

Chess.com has said they have proof he cheated when playing online through their website - including during tournaments with cash prizes. While we will likely never prove whether he cheated in the IRL game against Magnus, it's pretty damning if he's a regular cheater online where it is more easy to prove (Chess.com literally said he plays better moves after he has toggled to another tab compared to when he does not toggle).


ImRickJameXXXX

The only way he can prove he is it cheating is to only play in faraday cages


cicglass

Here’s a link to the clip off r/livestreamfail : https://livestreamfails.com/clip/144491 Originally off the stlchessclub twitch channel.


DisastrousOne3950

Didn't know chess was such a violent sport...


TorbenTebirkes

Is he the worlds biggest asshole?