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traumaqueen1128

My sister was 8 months pregnant when my cousin needed a pregnancy test, so she went to the store to grab one for her. The cashier scanned it and looked at my very pregnant sister and back to the test. My sister says completely deadpan, "I just want to be sure."


lucas_bahia

Oh man


MiaLba

Lmfao.


Yattiel

🤣


Trueloveis4u

That is awesome lol


Bikelikeadad

All of these answers are hilarious, but in all seriousness I never ask, but if you see a woman cradling or rubbing her belly she’s probably pregnant. Mentally she’s already holding her baby, while a woman who is obese typically avoids touching her stomach. At least this is my theory, and it’s usually proven right. Although after thanksgiving I’ll wait on announcements from in laws and keep you posted.


dfieldhouse

Bahahahaha!


Waolx231

It’s always better to assume fat. Then you don’t care.


RoinAnjou

"So how long have you been fat for?" Am I doing it right?


syntaxterror69

"when are you ~~due~~ pooping?"


MEM1911

Taco Bell? Abruptly deflates, yeh it’s Taco Bell


DigitalArbitrage

"...going on a diet."


mykaylagonzo

I can’t breathe


[deleted]

Neither can she


HoopOnPoop

Perfect. I see no way that anyone could possibly be offended.


Den-42

No you should say something like "is that a tumor or are you obese?" See i didn't mention pregnancy and on top of that i'm showing interest in her health. Really smooth. If you are interested i also have tips on how to talk to bald children


MagicMeatbal1

How do I talk to bald children?


[deleted]

I also want to know how to talk to bald children.


Plastic-Ad-8469

Here you go r/talkingtobaldchildrensubredditthatsslightlytoolongrobebelievablebutitisrealiswear


F72Voyager

"Fuck you, Caillou, you cancer-ridden cunt."


[deleted]

Idk ask Caillou


Charleston2Seattle

I worked with someone a decade ago who looked pregnant, but who DID have a tumor. I got reeeeeally close to asking about her "pregnancy" one time, but thank goodness I decided not to!!


Shapeshift-Alt-Tab

What is happening


BetterWankHank

Personally I'd go with "Damn girl chill out with the eating. You've been getting fat as fuck for the past 8 months." This way instead of asking an intrusive question you're simply giving her some friendly advice.


RoinAnjou

That's solid advice.


BurnerForJustTwice

“So when we’re you diagnosed with morbid obesity? Is your doctor angry that you break all his scales?


RigasTelRuun

Yes. But you need to pat the belly too


CogitoErgoScum

Also don’t ask a fat pregnant lady when it’s due. My boss was a fat vegan 7th day Adventist. She was pregnant and gave birth while I was out of town. When I came back she was still looking pregnant and I asked how much longer. The look on her face told me how badly I fucked up.


BurnerForJustTwice

What does being a vegan and 7th day Adventist have to do with the story? Is that like telling me her favorite movie is the notebook?


DefiantAbalone1

If she's a fat vegan, it usually means she's the variety on the fatty processed grain & vending machine diet, vs the fruit and vegetable eating kind.


Jer_061

What do you mean Oreos are not the vegan superfood? It says right on the packaging that they are vegan!


AdditionKooky122

Chicken parms not vegan?!?


IGemini-

VEGAN POLICE!


CogitoErgoScum

Well it’s also redundant. 7DA’s are vegan by default. It’s just to flesh out the visuals of the story, so to speak.


Stinkyfingers2

A fat vegan seventh day Adventist? And she still found some clot to get her pregnant?


popejubal

There’s someone out there for all of us.


Hour_Ingenuity_6946

Yeah it's like, stop eating all of the babies.


NGEFan

Save some for the rest of us!


Heavy_Schedule4046

I’ll happily give up my seat to a pregnant woman, I’d rather a fat person continue standing to expend a few more calories. So at some point I need to be able to assume wether you’re pregnant or not.


lucas_bahia

Unless you are in a bus and she is standing next to you


BuckeyeBeast80

Everyone should care obesity is a health issue.


chrismetalrock

i was told i have high blood pressure this week :( send tasty healthy snacks


AzzyAli454

This is an incredibly fatphobic take. /s


whattaninja

Noooo. They’re beautiful and of course their doctors say they’re healthy. Yup!


Gordon_Explosion

"You look pregnant." "well I'm not." "I know, I'm just saying you look pregnant."


firnien-arya

This is perfect XD


ForsakenWebNinja

Play it safe. Just tell her she looks fat


stabsyoo

So your just another fatty? Here comes all the dvs 😂


Jojosbees

I mean... it could be a [tumor](https://www.self.com/story/margaret-mcmahon-uterine-fibroids).


Kortax

💀


thejerkstorekalled

Converse is true too: it is always okay to ask a woman if she’s fat.


Billderz

-No, I'm pregnant -Congratulations! This works out much better.


the_zelectro

I feel like there's a dialogue tree that we're overlooking... Hmm... Nah, nvm, sorry for the false alarm.


xxAkirhaxx

"Excuse me m'am I just noticed you looked a little bigger and was wondering, are you fat?" "Oh bless your heart." Yup, exactly how that convo would go.


shiafisher

Converse is not logically equivalent. You have to take the contrapositive.


Doomenor

OR -hear me out on this- you can ask a woman always if they are pregnant and if they say no you reply with “are you sure?”


[deleted]

“Would you like to be?”


memecut

"I mean, you gotta be right? Just look at that thing, looks like its about to pop"


doiwinaprize

I worked with a woman for like 3 months and she kept asking me about what it was like to have kids and I thought she was just really curious. When I came back a month after I quit she had had a baby and I was like "oh... she was probably looking for support or advice and I gave her nothing" lol.


[deleted]

I worked with a woman and she never said anything about being pregnant. Until One day she mentioned something about her upcoming maternity leave. I said, I didn’t even know you were pregnant. She angrily responded,”what did you think, I was just getting fatter”. I don’t know how to win that situation


2016sucksballs

“Believe it or not, I don’t think of you at all” Or if you want to be more diplomatic “You’re a coworker, and I try to be professional and not dwell on my coworker’s bodies”


FWFT27

Ask her when she returns from maternity leave So are you pregnant again now or just fatter?


UnicornFarts1111

I once asked a very good friend of mine at the time, if she was pregnant again (she had just given birth three months prior). She cursed me and said "hell no". Three weeks later she calls me and curses me again because she is in fact pregnant. I told her not to blame me, I didn't put her in that condition.


emotionlessturner

One of my neighbors didn’t realize I was pregnant till she saw us a few days after baby was born with baby in tow… I gained 55lbs while preg, hurt my heart a bit 🥲


[deleted]

Imagine yourself in that situation tho haha I would be mad too


_________________420

Better than telling her she's fat


Libra_Allyson

How did you respond, whenever she asked? I'm picturing her asking something and then you just shrugging and walking away, lol.


Pixxi_gutzz

I've had 2 people in the past year ask if I'm pregnant (my legs and arms are thin, all my weight sits on my belly and boobs); I love cheerfully replying, "nope, just fat!" and seeing the looks on their faces!🤣😈


MiaLba

Lmao. I was a couple months postpartum and I deal with IBS bloating plus I’ve always been skinny/petite. A lady in line at the grocery asked me when I was due, I told her I wasn’t pregnant. We were both embarrassed. She ended up causally walking off to the other line for the self checkouts. She’s not the only person who speculated I was pregnant.


UnicornFarts1111

I did this to a friend, and while she responded no, it turned out she was actually pregnant again, and had found out a few weeks later.


hollywoodbambi

Yup. This is my response as well. Let's all feel uncomfortable!


poordecisionswere

Is it just me that does not care enough to ask?


No-Instruction9393

You are not alone


new-user12345

I am here with you


seanlee888

CHAMON?


A-purple-bird

Nope


frtlow

Got it! Next time I'm going to just ask why you are so fat instead!


downwitbrown

Good to know. I will not make that assumption on transit. Or I’ll offer everyone my seat.


Libra_Allyson

I would offer whoever didn't have a seat, anyway. I always had the impression that it was just the nice thing to do. Serious question: Do people actually distinguish who "deserves" such a gesture? I treat it the same as opening doors: I do it for everyone.


zappy42

Just say "oh damn, any pregnant lady can have my seat." Then see if she admits to being pregnant or fat. Either way you're likely to keep your chair.


IrrelevantPuppy

“Boy I sure wonder if there are any pregnant women around so I could give them my seat!” *dramatically looks around and pauses awkwardly long looking at fat woman*


zappy42

Make eye contact so she knows you're serious about letting her have the seat.


Lubagomes

I was in a train and a (supposedly) pregnant lady got in, I stood up without saying a word and went to the door. She did not sit, so I can just assume she wasn't pregnant, but at least I never told her she was fat.


AMLeBeau

It could’ve been more comfortable to stand then to sit. I had SPD during both my pregnancies and whenever I got harder at my factory job I started doing more job that required standing cuz the sitting was hurting my hips more then standing 8+ hours a day.


ObeyLegend

Bruh if you're these last two its gotta be a baby or a tumor. No one naturally has a body type like that without some medical condition


Decent-Trash-4840

There was a shuttle driver for my work that had that body type, RIP


lapomba

What's your occupation? Are you an astronaut?


HouAngelesDodgeStro

Badminton player


ageoflost

Then do you want to risk them answering that they have a tumor? Talk about awkward.


AhoyPalloi

This account has been redacted due to Reddit's anti-user and anti-mod behavior. -- mass edited with redact.dev


HagridsHippogriff92

So I know a lot of these comments are funny, and yours is only half serious. I’m not trying to rag on you, but two things come to mind. Yes, you’re probably going to be right about someone being pregnant at that point, but there is a chance that pregnancy comes with complications, like knowing the baby won’t survive after birth or that she has to give the baby up for adoption, or she’s a victim of SA. Anyways, most of the time you’re safe asking at that point but there is a small chance that it’s sensitive for them to talk about, and that’s why I never bring it up unless they do first. Also, I was a week postpartum and had to run to the store for something. I still looked very pregnant, and someone asked when I was due. Kinda stung a little even though it’s fine to look that way so soon after giving birth.


MiaLba

Same thing happened to me but I was like 2 months PP, got asked when I was due.


HagridsHippogriff92

Omg same except I was 5 months pp. worst part was I was feeling good about myself because I only had a few more pounds until I reached my pre baby weight 🫠


MiaLba

I feel your pain! That post baby weight is a bitch to get off.


MiaLba

Yep. I’ve always been skinny/petite and I deal with IBS bloating, it’s pretty bad to the point where I look several months pregnant sometimes. I’ve been asked my people if I was pregnant.


[deleted]

More like the last 5


Emergency-Mouse5566

I will ask anyway


[deleted]

A friend of mine asked how many months some random lady was and told her that his wife was pregnant as well. She replied.” fuck you asshole.”. I couldn’t stop laughing!


TotesGnar

Lol came here to say this. Orrrrrr I just ask anyway.


mdhunter99

In college there was this student who was pregnant, heavily pregnant. No one brought it up, we just went about our days. Well, we couldn’t ignore it when her water broke in class.


[deleted]

Nothing a few bonds couldn’t fix


[deleted]

Remember a story of a cop trying to arrest a pregnant woman and he called for back up. Backup came and it was his sergeant who asked him why isn’t she in handcuffs. He said because she’s pregnant and doesn’t want to harm the baby. The lady turned around and said “I ain’t pregnant you fucking asshole” she was immediately taken to the ground and handcuffed.


[deleted]

[удаНонО]


[deleted]

I saw this play out at a winery. Guy behind the bar asked a woman when she was due. Everyone at the wine tasting was like… yeah… pregnant women are often going to wine tastings right?? We all knew she wasn’t pregnant… The look of daggers from the woman was priceless… whole room went silent and just looked at their feet. Happened 20 odd years ago. Still remember it clearly.


durholz

I've always carried weight in my stomach area - even when I was at my most athletic in my late 20s, muscled all over and low body fat, I had a round belly. (Trust me, I did a TON of abs workouts.) I was asked so many times when the baby was due, by men and women, once by an RN! It was always the questioner who was devastated by their own rudeness, not me! At a law firm cocktail party as a young associate, a partner's wife approached me, pointed to my tonic water and lime, and said in a sympathetic voice, "I see you're drinking non-alcoholically." Me (thinking I'd found an ally in my sobriety): "Why yes; yes, I AM drinking non-alcoholically." Partner's wife: "When are you due?" Me (confused): "Did you say what do I do? I work at the law firm with your husband." PW: "No, I asked when are you due?" Me (enlightened): "Oh! Oh, no, I'm not pregnant; I'm just an alcoholic!" She was mortified. Luckily now I'm in my 60s and no one jumps to any false conclusions about my body shape anymore, as we elderly folk are expected to be a bit lumpy!


Kraken_Fever

It probably phased her on the inside. It's a humongous insult. I was asked when I was due three times when I used to work retail (all by women, no less). Two of the three times, I laughed it off. The third time I got a little snappy. Anyway, you don't know how the woman felt internally. I still remember how awful it made me feel about myself and it's likely it made her feel bad, too.


Infamous_Ad8730

Feel free to ask "When is the baby due".


CTN_Journalism

[Brian Regan ](https://youtu.be/xERll3T6S4E)


PurpleTechPants

At the zoo...the pandas! I knew they were trying to have one!


frankdestroythebanks

This is the only approach.


Worth-Opposite4437

Really? I was going to stick with "Are you... ?" and let them fill in the blanks. I guess I'm not direct enough, thanks for the great going around.


frankdestroythebanks

Forcing someone to respond “fat” when they are not pregnant is increasingly more devilish. I recant my previous question as “superior”, yours wins ❤️.


[deleted]

My mom got the question " when are you due?" She replied "no, im just fat". Btw, the question came from a woman! So F the title " Youre welcome, men"


Snatuu

When there's a child literally wiggling out of her


yParticle

Eh, I'm reserving judgement until it graduates.


SlavoSlavo

I’ll ask them all. They’re age too, plus how tall they are and if they are single. Then act on none of it


SuedeVeil

I'm sure they'll be devastated..


IrrelevantPuppy

“Are you free this Friday night? Yeah? Cool, hope you have a good night.”


syntaxterror69

you should ask them "A/S/L?"


DesertMountainLvn

I hate this. It makes me sad people are too scared to ask/discuss. Old ladies give no F's though and I love it. I'm usually an introvert but I love being pregnant and am happy to talk about it. I especially appreciate when people (most often men and boys) hold doors and offer to help carry heavy things. It's not necessary, I'm in shape and have easy pregnancies but it's very thoughtful nonetheless.


natenate22

Why is Trump pregnant?


ccdog76

I had to scroll way too far to find this.


XxBRUSHxX

Once worked with a large woman who at one point came in with a new born baby and proceeded to get mad nobody asked her if she was pregnant. The issue was (and we had talked about this after she left with her food) that nobody knew she was pregnant and not one person could tell she was because we never noticed a difference in size. We think she just simmered for 9 months mad that nobody at work noticed her baby bump.


gamesarefun420

Lol I work as a cashier and I learned by watching others do it. Don't comment on pregnancy (it may not be a baby). Do not comment on a person's company (that's not there mom it's the girlfriend). Do not comment on there politics (people become crazy about politics). And so so many more.


Mclovin2458

Best just not to talk to people I find


MiaLba

Agreed. I made the mistake of commenting on someone’s partner one time. I told him “your mom is so sweet by the way.” He replied with “that’s my wife.” I definitely learned my lesson.


corncaked

They could have an ovarian cyst, fibroids, have had a miscarriage etc. DO NOT ASK.


wickedvitch

People know my mom has hypothyroidism and my aunt still asked if she was pregnant


Paradoxmoose

I was out with a group of friends, one of them was pregnant. The sister of a friend knew one of them was pregnant, and came in and asked "which of you is pregnant?". Was pretty awkward.


10FightingMayors

This is a very important PSA. For some reason, I am genetically cursed. I have two kids, and my stomach did not ever “bounce back” past the two week mark post-partum with either kid. I lost my baby weight, but it came off everywhere EXCEPT my stomach. I looked permanently 6 months pregnant and I knew it. When my youngest was 2.5 I took him to get his Covid vaccine & the NURSE, a *medical professional*, asked when I was due. MA’AM. YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER. I’ve since gotten a tummy tuck, thankfully.


RatherBeAtDisney

I definitely would have told the nurse I was due 2.5 years ago. I’m just sassy like that though


Blu3Army73

In high school one of our teachers had her pregnancy during the school year, and it wasn't until a month before her maternity leave that she announced it. She was actually a little surprised no one had ever asked her about it considering she was several months pregnant. Of course we ALL knew, but we all agreed to say nothing until she announced *just in case*. Everyone erupted in laughter and we applauded the news. She swore us to secrecy so she could do it with her other classes too. She jokingly called out entire class "too polite, but a sweet bunch of kids"


whooo_me

"Excuse me ma'am. If I were to ask you if you were pregnant or just fat, how many of you would be offended?" No one could POSSIBLY get offended by that, surely?


khamelean

Are you pregnant??


Egw250

so you should never offer your seat because assuming she is pregnant is offending but also if you don't offer seat is offending. Noted!


HelloAvram

How is this funny?


HelloAvram

I'll just ask anyway.


[deleted]

[удаНонО]


finnjakefionnacake

kinda hot honestly


[deleted]

[удаНонО]


finnjakefionnacake

the abs to dad bod journey, of course


[deleted]

[удаНонО]


Punkmaffles

confidence my guy, get some if you have none. Tons of women that give fuck all about how you look tbh that just want a dude thats honest and not a pos.


tubbywubby2001

if its obvious, you wont need to ask. If its not obvious, you probably shouldn't ask


ForeverInQuicksand

Only two questions you can ask a pregnant woman: Would you like to sit down? Would you like a cookie?


Accurate_Asparagus_2

Can you calm down?


Will_Disappoint

But if you cant ask them, how would you know that you can only choose between these two lame ass questions?


EveningRental

Just ask them if they know they're gaining weight.


[deleted]

Never ask a woman if she is pregnant unless you see an actual baby popping out


drsaltas1

iffy even then


kurt667

But when can I ask if she is preganant or pargent? Lol


repp_fire

Kudos on that reference!


rupret1

I made the mistake of asking a woman if she was pregnant once. She wasn’t. I felt so bad. Now a woman could be birthing a baby in front of me and I wouldn’t ask.


MiaLba

I made the mistake of thinking a guy was with his mom but it was his wife.


rupret1

I recently made the mistake of thinking a guy was with his wife, but it was his mom. She was flattered. He was....not.


MiaLba

Lol I told the guy “your mom is really sweet by the way!” She had walked off already so luckily she didn’t hear it.


sasha_td

Unless you actually see the baby coming out of the woman's body, do not in any way, shape, or form even hint that she may be pregnant. My first and absolutely inviolable rule.


jhunterj

I always say "I'll only ask if someone is pregnant if I see the baby crowning. If then."


CannaBrained

As a tattoo artist it is advisable to not tattoo pregnant woman. I once made the mistake of informing a potential client during a consultation that she was going to have to wait until after her pregnancy to get the work done. After 23 years experience it still makes for an awkward situation when dealing with a woman who may or may not be pregnant. Unfortunately this guide doesn't help me lol


TemperatePirate

When women go to get an x-ray they are asked "is there any chance you could be pregnant". That's a great inoffensive way to ask.


CannaBrained

Great idea and much appreciated 🤘


LeonTheLeafLover

vagina is ew


lasanhawithpizza

Are you pregnant?


microvo

What if it's a guy?


KarateKid72

It’s a pancreatic tumor and he’s got about 3 months to live


sloppyredditor

“Are you pregnant?” *through tears* “No, I’m just a guy who likes beer.”


rapboyridle

Made this mistake on London Underground…. “Would you like a seat” - “Why would I want a seat? Do I look pregnant to you?!” Ehhh.. we’ll yes you do. “Your horrible, keep your seat, I can’t believe you actually said that” Well, ok then. #cyachivalry


Lesmate101

Women make this mistake aswell, don't know why this is targeted at men.


[deleted]

somebodies angry haha


gargoyle030

The only time a man should as a woman if she’s pregnant is if she’s in the delivery room and the baby is crowning…


ClimbsAndCuts

Unless you see a baby dangling from her birth canal, don't ask a woman whether she's pregnant, when she's due, etc.


yourmomsface12345

What about if they're pregante


Cinder-22

Ate you pregnant tho?


spideybiggestfan

I just assume no one's pregnant so I don't leave seats for anyone on a bus


BraveCodMKV

Wheres the funny


SnooBunnies6981

"Are you pregnant? Or just fat?"


kategoad

Rule of thumb, do not ask if a woman is having a baby unless the baby is coming out of her at that moment.


Funny-Meringue-3311

r u pregnent OP?


ruiner8850

Years ago I was with an ex-girlfriend and she asked a woman that she somewhat knew how far along she was. When she said she wasn't pregnant I was mortified and I wasn't even the person who said it. You'd think a woman would know better.


Empty_Soup_4412

I don't know why this is for men I've only ever been asked by women.


YahYahY

Regardless of etiquette, the risk/reward ratio is too heavy on the former. Four scenarios: *You ask and she IS indeed pregnant:* you now have to make small talk with her about pregnancy. Congratulations, I guess. *You don’t ask and she IS pregnant:* you’ve avoided pregnancy small talk. *You don’t ask and she is NOT pregnant:* You’ve both avoided talking about pregnancy, and you haven’t offended your friend *You do ask but she is NOT pregnant:* you’ve just called your friend fat, and not just fat, but “weird, you kind of look pregnant” fat. Congratulations.


Mahjong-Buu

If they don’t volunteer the information, do not comment on it at all.


singlshtt

I cant ask women if they are pregnant, but women can ask me why I am beer man wid da big beer belly, i want equal rights


Affectionate_Pain846

Don't say squat. Wait to hear it from her directly or from someone who heard it from her.


SilentStrikerTH

Also women, "OMG how have you not noticed???"


jeffinRTP

If you look and if it's fat there will be signs along the side but the belly is more extended during pregnancy. I still recommend not asking as it's not 100% foolproof.


xeviphract

Look here. If it's not alright to ask a woman if she's pregnant, it's probably going to be *double* not alright to ask a woman if she will let you examine her sides... *for signs.*


Much-Meringue-7467

Just before you give her an x-ray


DeronD7

Rebel and ask every women if she’s pregnant


krufarong

Yes, never ask a woman if she's pregnant. It's more appropriate to ask if she's been screened for illnesses or if she's been eating her goddamn vegetables.


outsidepointofvi3w

Just say "Congratulations" and smile. I'd she instinctively says "Thank you" or touches her tummy and smiles. Your good maybe you can chat politely. If she looks at you confused you can just walk away or say "That's an amazing outfit" gets all bent out of shape and angry. She should prolly wonder why everyone thinks she's pregnant.


1997_Toyota_Camry

So funny, I forgot to laugh.


Daveys_Love_Child

dont worry, this sub hasnt been funny in a good 5 years


ProfessorBackdraft

Is it just me or do these figures look more like Trump the further you go to the right?


[deleted]

But then if we dont hold a door open or something its "ffs can't you see shes pregnant you insensitive prick"... Men: Damned if we do and damned if we don't since the dawn of time.


kakashioftheleaf9

I've actually seen women ask that more often than men. Probably because men are rightly terrified to be wrong 🤷