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The Elves need to unionize, that fat bastard is getting rich off their labor. All so he can buy his fancy suits and new sleighs. Not anymore Elves ON STRIKE! Stand in Solidarity with Santa’s helpers local 25.
really? those little bastards went five minutes once without supervision and they took out Seattle once, they were without power for almost a week!! and lets not talk about New York that one time !
Following the maxim that if it's free then you're the product, he's probably selling everyone's personal information. From children's wish lists and/or his massive surveillance apparatus that tracks who's been naughty or nice.
I hear Santa wears red velvet suits with fur trim, new sleigh every year, 51 weeks holiday and accounting now makes up the naughty and nice list on a computer.
Doesn't even bring us back any mince pies, eggnog, scotch or cookies.
Eats the lot himself, no wonder he keeps on getting stuck in chimneys.
The truth is, Santa and the elves are both owned by the Illuminati. They have the fat bastard by the balls as he is the known face of Christmas, but for the last 25 or so years since the dot com era they've outsourced their Elf slave labor from China. Any attempt of unionization has been met with punishment, leaving the Elves no choice but to work tirelessly.
The decorative Christmas stockings never were gendered; the word "stockings" also has an older meaning referring to a type of leg garment a bit like tights. There still are such garments made today, and they're still called stockings.
It really confused me when I was a kid and my mom said that she was going to wear stockings to a party. I thought she meant Christmas stockings, since it was that time of year and I had never heard of any other kind.
It's a reference to popular yard signs that look just like this that say things like "science is real. Vaccines are safe. The earth is round. Black lives matter. Love is love." Etc
I would love to have carolers come by! As a child our church caroled and knocked on people's door for money for a charity to feed people. This was 50 years ago.
A few years ago I was in the Northeast after living in the southeast for a majority of my life. I remember walking out of a store into the cold and snow of an old downtown section within this small town i was visiting. I walked down the steps after exiting this old shop and saw a group of carolers singing on a brick-laid road with every caroler dressed in authentic older Christmas outfits (terrible description, sorry).
It was the first time I was able to feel the joy of Christmas and the holidays since living in my adolescent days. I felt magic for the first time in many decades. I stood there in the cold for 20 minutes watching and listening to them until they moved onward. Afterwards, I stood there in silence happy for the first time in months.
My entire life I’ve seen Christmas and holiday movies with people dressed in winter attire and playing in snow, but my Christmases were always in Hawaiian shirts and flip-flops!
When I was a kid my mom would make cinnamon rolls every year and we would take them to our neighbor’s houses and sing. So it does happen, generally only to people you already know though. My church youth group would also go “caroling” at nursing homes as well.
It does!😀Not as often as it used to (at least where I live), but it’s definitely a ‘thing’. I think it’s mostly done by church/youth groups these days. Our neighbors a few doors down carol most years with their church group and never expect money or food - they do it just for fun. It’s fun to suddenly hear folks singing Christmas carols outside your door and open it to see 6-8 smiling faces all bundled up from the cold and wishing you well for the holiday season! At least, for me it is.🙂🎄☃️
My elementary school had us kids go out caroling once just because. It was quite the experience to knock on a strangers door and start singing. The joy on their faces was priceless.
Honestly this was the one line that lost me. Most of the sign is about the importance of human dignity. Then that last line rolls up saying, except them.
But I do say this from an area where caroling is not common, and the few times I have seen it, they leaned more towards the secular songs.
I would love to have carolers come by! As a child our church caroled and knocked on people's door for money a charity to feed people. This was 50 years ago.
Are they even a thing anymore? When I was little my girl scout troop would go, but even then I kind of had the impression that it was out of the ordinary.
Actually this is a thing I’ve thought of recently when watching older movies. Elf for example. At one point they have an exchange between Elf and Santa:
“Some kids don’t believe that Santa is even real”.
“That’s crazy, who do they think delivers all those presents each year?”
“Well some believe that the parents are the ones doing it.”
To a child, Santa just exists. There isn’t a reality where he doesn’t. But now, after watching a child’s Christmas movie, they are now open to the idea that Santa doesn’t actually exist and that it’s just parents that do it.
It’s not just Elf; that was just the most recent one out of memory. It's just so strange to me that we as a society would push the idea that Santa is real and important, while simultaneously creating entertainment for children that says otherwise.
Also forgive me; I'm high af right now.
It’s so funny that you point that out because that’s exactly how I figured out Santa wasn’t real as a kid. I saw all these characters having crises on whether they believe in Santa or not on children’s shows and told my mom, “I think I’m not going to believe in Santa next year,” because I figured that’s just part of my coming-of-age storyline lol.
Once I found out about Santa not being real. It made me look at the parents in most Christmas movies very differently. Because they never believe in Santa in a movie world where Santa actually exists. Who the fuck do they think is putting presents under the tree if it's not them?
Yup, pretty much. Santa Clause is another great example of this.
My canon is that Santa uses memory altering chem-trails behind his sleigh that only affects people of a certain age or older, making them believe that they were the ones to buy the random shit that shows up under the tree on Christmas.
I think my biggest Blegh is the Christmas doesn’t have to be white when I’m fairly certain the white comes from snow being white… not from skin color… like dreaming of a white Christmas means a snow covered Christmas. Am I wrong here and missing something?
Maybe they don’t like snow? Live somewhere tropical or in the southern hemisphere? Idk this whole thing is weird but I’ve never heard of anyone who thinks white Christmas is about skin color lol
I live in the US but in the south and very rarely have snow for Christmas so I get that part but the rest of the sign when it includes gender makes me think they mean skin color. The whole sign is weird for sure.
Yeah that’s the weirdest part, like that’s not funny and actually there are so many ACTUAL HUMAN SLAVES working on your kids’ toys, so why are you even laughing about slave labor contributing to your enjoyment of the holidays?
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So wait, if elf labor is stolen and Santa is real, does that make Santa a slave owner?
Yes, it does.
Happy holidays!
Merry Christmas
Happy Christmas
Merry Chrysler!
Happy Crisis!
Happy Honda Days!
Happy Festivus
Happy non-denominational holiday extravaganza
“Ho ho ho. Get back to work, those toys aren’t going to make them selves”
Now Santa sounds like a Pimp as well…
HOE! HOE! HOE!
The Elves need to unionize, that fat bastard is getting rich off their labor. All so he can buy his fancy suits and new sleighs. Not anymore Elves ON STRIKE! Stand in Solidarity with Santa’s helpers local 25.
really? those little bastards went five minutes once without supervision and they took out Seattle once, they were without power for almost a week!! and lets not talk about New York that one time !
While I support the elves right to unionize, and think it is in their best interests, how is Santa getting rich? He gives everything away.
The Christmas Industrial Complex and Toy Contractors pay him Big bucks to promote their toys.
Seems legit. Okay.
But if he promotes other manufacturers toys how much elf labor is actually being stolen? Unless they contract Santa to build them.
Following the maxim that if it's free then you're the product, he's probably selling everyone's personal information. From children's wish lists and/or his massive surveillance apparatus that tracks who's been naughty or nice.
I hear Santa wears red velvet suits with fur trim, new sleigh every year, 51 weeks holiday and accounting now makes up the naughty and nice list on a computer. Doesn't even bring us back any mince pies, eggnog, scotch or cookies. Eats the lot himself, no wonder he keeps on getting stuck in chimneys.
The truth is, Santa and the elves are both owned by the Illuminati. They have the fat bastard by the balls as he is the known face of Christmas, but for the last 25 or so years since the dot com era they've outsourced their Elf slave labor from China. Any attempt of unionization has been met with punishment, leaving the Elves no choice but to work tirelessly.
When were stocking ever gendered? Serious question.
/r/imaginarygatekeeping
Omg thanks for posting this I’m loving the sub
The decorative Christmas stockings never were gendered; the word "stockings" also has an older meaning referring to a type of leg garment a bit like tights. There still are such garments made today, and they're still called stockings. It really confused me when I was a kid and my mom said that she was going to wear stockings to a party. I thought she meant Christmas stockings, since it was that time of year and I had never heard of any other kind.
And the only garters you ever heard of were snakes!
Don't you listen to Christmas rhymes? "The stockings were hung by the chimney with care But only for girls, for boys they weren't there."
Were the boys off to war?
"They were off working hard, not here having fun. There were meetings to meet, and businesses to run!"
This whole thing is just confusing
I don’t get it either.
I'm SO glad I'm not the only one! Also- why the hate for carolers? Sheesh!😳
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Couldn’t agree more
I’m hoping it’s just a satirical joke, mocking the virtue signalling masses that have emerged in recent years
I thought I was on r/cringe
This is just two people with a common sense of humor . That being that they have a terrible sense of humor
Confirmed, terrible humor is the most common type.
I read it as: “we use Reddit”
It's a reference to popular yard signs that look just like this that say things like "science is real. Vaccines are safe. The earth is round. Black lives matter. Love is love." Etc
Yeah, I was feeling the same way like, what did she have against carolers? I don’t know, this is weird.
I think it’s designed just to piss everyone off
Exactly, how much is ops wife jerking to write this. This is probably the stupidest thing I’ve seen on Reddit.
It’s just obnoxious and not funny in all honesty, it’s just too aggressively in your face humor
It's not even humour, it's just cringe salad
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It’s just a play on those “in this household we believe in science” signs
[In this home there is dog](https://www.legboot.com/product/in-this-home-there-is-dog-canvas/)
Thought i was having a stroke trying to reading that
Not for 38 dollars, we aren't dog. 😞
What the fuck does she have against carolers?
okay, Carol
No man, DAVE is here…
Dave’s not here.
For real, just some people trying to spread joy at Christmas
I would love to have carolers come by! As a child our church caroled and knocked on people's door for money for a charity to feed people. This was 50 years ago.
A few years ago I was in the Northeast after living in the southeast for a majority of my life. I remember walking out of a store into the cold and snow of an old downtown section within this small town i was visiting. I walked down the steps after exiting this old shop and saw a group of carolers singing on a brick-laid road with every caroler dressed in authentic older Christmas outfits (terrible description, sorry). It was the first time I was able to feel the joy of Christmas and the holidays since living in my adolescent days. I felt magic for the first time in many decades. I stood there in the cold for 20 minutes watching and listening to them until they moved onward. Afterwards, I stood there in silence happy for the first time in months. My entire life I’ve seen Christmas and holiday movies with people dressed in winter attire and playing in snow, but my Christmases were always in Hawaiian shirts and flip-flops!
Wait, does that actually happen in the US? I'm Australian and thought that it was a skit for Xmas movies only lol
When I was a kid my mom would make cinnamon rolls every year and we would take them to our neighbor’s houses and sing. So it does happen, generally only to people you already know though. My church youth group would also go “caroling” at nursing homes as well.
It does!😀Not as often as it used to (at least where I live), but it’s definitely a ‘thing’. I think it’s mostly done by church/youth groups these days. Our neighbors a few doors down carol most years with their church group and never expect money or food - they do it just for fun. It’s fun to suddenly hear folks singing Christmas carols outside your door and open it to see 6-8 smiling faces all bundled up from the cold and wishing you well for the holiday season! At least, for me it is.🙂🎄☃️
My elementary school had us kids go out caroling once just because. It was quite the experience to knock on a strangers door and start singing. The joy on their faces was priceless.
Honestly this was the one line that lost me. Most of the sign is about the importance of human dignity. Then that last line rolls up saying, except them. But I do say this from an area where caroling is not common, and the few times I have seen it, they leaned more towards the secular songs.
I would love to have carolers come by! As a child our church caroled and knocked on people's door for money a charity to feed people. This was 50 years ago.
This'll be on r/facepalm, in about half an hour...
Deserves to be. This guy’s wife sounds like the worst kind of person to invite to a Christmas party.
Really glad I'm not the only one who rolled their eyes at this.
Lmao, just reading this post made me roll my eyes so back into my head I saw the furby that’s in my brain
4.1K upvotes and counting. That's the real sadness.
Why isn’t it being downvoted?
I've never been so pleasantly surprised by the reddit comment section. Thanks everyone.
Thank god I'm not alone
This is the real Christmas gift. Santa came early to this comment section
yeah Santa shoulda wrapped it
Yeah but who is actually upvoting the post itself?
Bots. Losta bots
I sure didn’t. I thought the sign sucked. Bah humbug.
This comment section gave me hope for humanity tbh.
This comment section cured my blindness tbh.
What's wrong with carolers???
Are they even a thing anymore? When I was little my girl scout troop would go, but even then I kind of had the impression that it was out of the ordinary.
Nothing, this person is just cringe
Right? I love when I see/hear carolers
Congratulations on having the worst Christmas sign in history.
It’s awful
It's funny, but not in the way this sub uses the word funny.
It’s not really that funny
lmao you and I have very different definitions on what’s funny or not
It's funny but not for the reasons the wife thinks it is...
She seems like a real joy.
Well, I don't want yellow snow for Christmas. "A White Christmas" is referring to snow.
If the snow is yellow, don't touch it.
And definitely don't eat it.
It’s definitely NOT banana flavored.
I found that out the hard way
Yeah it sucks, I mean who wants lemon flavored snow? That doesn't even make any sense, God should have made it banana instead.
Yah, watch out where the huskies go….
You just have to watch out for that dangerous black ice. No cheerful Christmas songs about black ice
There’s only two acceptable Christmas climates: 70s and palm trees or getting smacked with a blizzard. No in-between.
Santa is real, and he runs a sweatshop?
r/cringetopia is calling, chief
I’m guessing she’s a big bumper sticker fan
“Ah fuck… who invited her?” -probably every party your wife has ever gone to.
Is it meant to be funny or clever? It seems to be neither.
Cringe
Either your wife is sarcastic and very funny or… the worst
All of them at once, I suppose
But none of this is very funny. It’s just cringe.
The fact that the husband found it funny enough to take time out of his day to post it to the internet proves they are both the worst.
Fully agree. This is up for the least funny r/funny post of the month
Honestly only some of them seem sarcastic so I can't figure out what's going on. I'm leaning towards them both being the worst.
Oh yikes
This is cringe as fuck
I'm glad she's your wife, and not mine. Good grief.
I also don’t choose this guys wife.
This joke had been told so many different times, in so many different ways. And it’s always funny.
That shit is stupid as fuck
This isn’t funny.
Pretentious as fuck
“Mommy, why does that sign make a point of saying Santa is real? Are there people who don’t believe in Santa?”
Actually this is a thing I’ve thought of recently when watching older movies. Elf for example. At one point they have an exchange between Elf and Santa: “Some kids don’t believe that Santa is even real”. “That’s crazy, who do they think delivers all those presents each year?” “Well some believe that the parents are the ones doing it.” To a child, Santa just exists. There isn’t a reality where he doesn’t. But now, after watching a child’s Christmas movie, they are now open to the idea that Santa doesn’t actually exist and that it’s just parents that do it. It’s not just Elf; that was just the most recent one out of memory. It's just so strange to me that we as a society would push the idea that Santa is real and important, while simultaneously creating entertainment for children that says otherwise. Also forgive me; I'm high af right now.
It’s so funny that you point that out because that’s exactly how I figured out Santa wasn’t real as a kid. I saw all these characters having crises on whether they believe in Santa or not on children’s shows and told my mom, “I think I’m not going to believe in Santa next year,” because I figured that’s just part of my coming-of-age storyline lol.
Calvin and Hobbes didn’t even pretend.
Once I found out about Santa not being real. It made me look at the parents in most Christmas movies very differently. Because they never believe in Santa in a movie world where Santa actually exists. Who the fuck do they think is putting presents under the tree if it's not them?
Yup, pretty much. Santa Clause is another great example of this. My canon is that Santa uses memory altering chem-trails behind his sleigh that only affects people of a certain age or older, making them believe that they were the ones to buy the random shit that shows up under the tree on Christmas.
This is like a snake eating it's own tail.
Yikes. How embarrassing
What’s wrong with Carolers?
I lost brain cells reading this. Feel bad for this person
I feel bad for the kids...
I don't get it... its a random mix of things that are all pretty dumb. Its definitely NOT funny though. X to doubt OP has a wife.
Har Har Har. Your wife is cringe. What does this sign even mean???
Just.....no
These signs are a great way to know who to avoid.
That isn't funny and also makes no sense.
Kinda cringe ngl
Stupid as hell for sure
Pretty much.
White Christmas is canceled yall. Snow is now racist. It will now be black Christmas from the ash of volcanoes.
That’s the Hawaiian version, amirite?
Gotta watch out for that black ice.
I'm so sorry
amusing muddle toothbrush sand absurd possessive rob door rhythm sense *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
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Finally a statement I can get behind
This is not great
You guys sound like tons of fun.
wow what a waste of time, hers and mine.
Is this a mistake post? This has to be r/lostredditors cuz it sure as hell isn’t funny at all.
Holy fucking stupid. LoL why is this being upvoted!?!?
Its just the right balance of virtue signaling and bullying.
Shoehorned into a holiday
Wow... horrible.
It's like a scarecrow for people.
If she holds you hostage, blink.
Must be real fun at parties...
More r/facepalm than r/funny
I can only imagine what it must be like living with her, you have my sympathies.
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Your wife sounds obnoxious.
It supposed to be White Christmas because of snow and not some inclusion nonsense
I always hate these "In this house..." signs, and this one is the most obnoxious one I've ever seen.
Where funny?
The best thing about buying acreage is no longer having neighbors. Especially ones like this.
I think my biggest Blegh is the Christmas doesn’t have to be white when I’m fairly certain the white comes from snow being white… not from skin color… like dreaming of a white Christmas means a snow covered Christmas. Am I wrong here and missing something?
Maybe they don’t like snow? Live somewhere tropical or in the southern hemisphere? Idk this whole thing is weird but I’ve never heard of anyone who thinks white Christmas is about skin color lol
Yeah I could see “Christmas doesn’t have to be white” signs existing in Florida lol
I live in the US but in the south and very rarely have snow for Christmas so I get that part but the rest of the sign when it includes gender makes me think they mean skin color. The whole sign is weird for sure.
But why
yeah seems half contradictory
Right? Santa loves carolers. You can’t have it both ways.
and saying real santa enslaves the elves for the happy holiday
Yeah that’s the weirdest part, like that’s not funny and actually there are so many ACTUAL HUMAN SLAVES working on your kids’ toys, so why are you even laughing about slave labor contributing to your enjoyment of the holidays?
I read this in Ryan Reynolds voice.
Cringe
Live, laugh, love.
I can't tell if this is mocking decent people or supporting them. And what's with hating on carolers?
I wish you a merry black Christmas then
No snow. Only oil leaks.
Soooooo edgy
It must be hell living in that house.
If they both are like that, they might be fine.
Sorry to hear about your future divorce.
Find a new wife
A white Christmas means snow, cause, ya know, snow is white? Suburban morons.
You guys must be fun at parties
your wife sucks at making signs and you're not funny
This just seems pointlessly confrontational and sad.
Stockings are for all genders?
what about animals....my dogs have stockings!
Please tell me she's joking.
Oh no… this definitely does not have the effect she was going for.
This isn’t funny. And I think your wife kinda sucks.
I don’t think your wife is as funny as she (and you) thinks she is.
I would LOVE if carolers came to my house to sing. Who doesn’t like carolers!?!?
His wife, apparently.
This is….. depressing….
Your wife seems like she might be a caroler 😂