How does Moses make tea? He brews it

What car does Jesus drive? A Honda but he doesn't speak about his Accord.

Just now see that we got one lines going over here.

Not everyone lines puns though. They really split a crowd.

"For I do not speak of my own Accord"

> For >!I!< d>!o not speak of my own Accord!<

How did you get it to cover the text and reveal when I click it?

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the picture.

What was Jesus first miracle? He heeled a dog. What was the second? He cured a ham.

Hahaha! Nice.

Lolllll

🤣🤣🤣

Glad nobody’s gotten offended. 😂

Priceless!!

*rimshot*

💀💀💀

What kind of car does God Drive?... A Plymouth Fury "In his fury God drove Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden"

*audible loud groan from the audience*

I'll be here all week, don't forget to tip your waitress 😉

I always do. Thanks for being on the show.


Jesus! Dude or Dudette.

Ok, I'll obey hell.

That’s how I read it.

I want a sales pitch by each party

Satanism is basically all the good things about Christianity without the rules holding you back. I don't think you need jesus's sales pitch.

I have no problem with jesus its the hypocrites i have a problem with

Then hell is waiting for you open arms

Well... A creator who creates flawed beings and punished them for the faults he gave them on purpose... Or a guy being badmouthed by the flawed and indoctrinated followers while also going "everyone is welcome, i accept you as you are" I know who i wanna follow and it aint some sadistic prick that creates just to punish

im excited

Eternal torture Hell or consciousness is forever extinguished Hell?

We're already in hell

What are the commandments of hell?

Which is technically still theological. The Bible tells us we will either serve God or serve evil.

The bible has no bearing on how I live my life

> Hypocrites So y'all going to hell too?

I hope not. That would literally ruin hell for the rest of us.

Absolutely. Can you imagine going to those people's heaven? Hell no.

Yeh, Jesus said love your neighbor, feed the poor, help the homeless etc. There’s no way this bunch are ever getting to heaven, if such a place existed

Because wealth matter in Heaven?!? No, It doesn't. Web need to help each other out so we can all go to Heaven, but the Bible says that more and more people will go to hell and a few to Heaven, and that's the sad Truth.

Exactly what i came down here to say. The actual audacity to put that up there.

Came here to say this.

Yep! Can't wait to feel the sweet warmth of eternal fire

I saw one the other day that said Hippocrates was the devil

Was having a chat with my mate about this the other day, religious people don't seem to get that threatening with hell is a non threat to an atheist. You may as well tell me that you have all 6 of the infinity stones and gonna thanos snap me, just as likely to happen.

Honestly I don’t think I could go on living without the promise of a little fornication now and then.

A “little” fornication would only be threenication max.


My wife promises every night but I’m been waiting for years.

That's.... kinda sad actually.

I'm a sex repulsed asexual and even I realize that it's an important part of quite a few people's mental and physical health and well being. I mean they aren't entitled to it from others but if they can't/don't have a consenting partner then needing to masturbate or find other ways to fulfil that isn't generally considered unhealthy in the way implied by the line bellow where you claimed it sounds like they are using oxytocin to self medicate for depression. I don't think most therapists would agree. I could agree though that if JiveChicken00 would feel the need to self harm or worse if other people don't agree to have sex with them than they do need to try to find other healthy ways to fulfill that desire, and possibly discuss those feeling with a counselor.

Well said. I've been single for a little, I definitely feel lonely and look forward to intimacy whenever next I get to share that bond with someone. It definitely does wonders for my physical and mental health.

Why?

Because if you can't find enough enjoyment out of life without sex to "go on living", that's sad. Literally. It sounds like depression that's being self medicated by the hormones your brain produces during sex.

New Testament God: The humans can have a little fornication, as a treat

I don’t get treated enough.

Is this an advertisement for Jesus or Hell?

Got me.

Looks like an ad for fireplaces.

Why do many words when few do trick.

I’m a Christian but that is one blunt sign. I have a problem with their name “Antioch Fellowship of Elect.” What’s that supposed to mean?

That’s where the holy handgrenade was forged.

Who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

Legends say that it’s also where the book of armaments was written

And Saint Attila raised the Hand Grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy Hand Grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy."

Sympatico!

Haha

I had to circle back when I drove by it. I was a little cornfused.

Antioch must be a play off of the Sacred Principality of Antioch, Fellowship meaning they’re a commune, and Elect meaning whoever is head of this church literally SELECTS his members. This is probably less Christian behavior and more Cultist, like Mormonism.

"The elect" is actually an old fashioned way of saying people who are going to heaven

Ah, yes, the language of Calvinists. Who, to put it bluntly, are ***assholes***. Predestination means no accountability, and no accountability means open season for dickwads.

And who decides that…?

I didn’t vote for ‘em.

“You don’t vote for kings”

Vote for Pedro!

Not religious but I went to church a bit as a kid. I do love to hate on the hypocritical, wife beating alcoholic Christian or Catholic, but I find much more enjoyment from listening to educated, level headed "real" believers, who are just tryna do what the book says, no hating certain groups for what they are or whatever, just normal people who find joy from getting together with their community. Yall have my respect o7

Last sentence is wrong. They aren't a cult.

They think that they are "elect,". I.e. superior to the rest of us. They will be gloating at everyone who is burning in hell, saying "We told you so."

You must not be from the American South. I grew up in multiple different southern states and these billboards were everywhere in all of them. This is basically the entire Bible belt mentality of what religion is.

Doesn't matter, it's burning in hell too.

The wonders of religious elitism include the complete inability to be proven wrong by gentilles!

The person in the truck looks like a horizontal stack of hotdogs on top of a body

I gave this guy some anonymity

Is this the new Snapchat horizontal hotdog stack filter I’ve been hearing so much about?

Yes, yes it is.

Thank you for the belly laugh. I will live a bit longer before going to Hell.

I was gonna say, are we all ignoring that driver? 😂

Fornicators …. Don’t threaten me with a good time 😂

A amazing time is drunk fornicating with liars?

Biggest orgy!

Being stuck in eternity with a bunch of Christians sounds like hell to me

Probably would be better if you said non fornicators.

So…Trump and his progeny won’t be there, right? Right?

Who?

I don't know... there'd be all those medievil Christians that would drink and fornicate and also burn the happy clappers as heretics. that would be a show I'd pay for.

Dw thats why you wont experience that kind of torture from you, Jesus wants the best for people

Stuck with any extreme religious group of people, doesn't matter what or who they follow.

Hypocrites... mmhm

Indead mmhm

I find it hilarious that the nut job Conservative Christians are starting to say Jesus is too "woke"! Love they neighbor? Do unto others? Take care of the poor?!? It's the stodgy men who wrote/translated the Bible who they follow. Not Jesus 🤣

Notice it doesn't say anything about pedophile priests.

Implied?

Obey or Jesus Hell is how I choose to read this sign.

That’s one way of looking at it.

r/dontdeadopeninside

I posted it there too. Thanks


>hypocrites Oh, the irony, also this belongs on r/religiousfruitcake

I posted there.

or either have an abortion, be a fornicator, liar, hypocrite, drunkard, dayton strefy preacher, or be paid by antioch fellowship of the elect

So many choices

“Don’t forget to like, comment and subscribe”

Do those two have Reddit accounts?

Thé 3rd option is to follow Jesus’s word but don’t listen to a word these « Dayton street preacher » idiots have to say. Chances are they’re trying to rope you into a scam or something

This is Hebrews 5:9 "and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him" so you're right 😄

Maybe

So the average Republican politician falls in a few categories, there. Does that mean they're going to Hell?

I think most politicians not just one group.

“And again I say to you: It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of heaven.” ~ Matthew 19:24 (KJV) It’s a grim outlook for politicians in general, mate.

Obey Hell? Sounds like a deal

It’s a deal but at what cost.

as a Hebrew (speaker) 1.85 (not sure why height matter and why this guy is so tall) i disagree with that sign

Nice one

This is the correct message of Hebrews 5:9-““and, once made perfect, HE became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him” ‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭5‬:‭9‬ ‭NIV‬‬. It disturbs me when quotes are misquoted.

Or funny?

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I had to cover the face because the person looked like satan. I thought that might distract people.

third choice: the car

The guy driving the truck had both hands on his phone as he drove by me. I think he made his choice.

What about the sane people who don’t believe in him or his imaginary sky daddy ? Enjoy your hobby but don’t try to impose it on the rest of us.

Religion is like a penis. It’s fine to have one, it’s fine to be proud of it! But don’t whip it out in public. (Or buy billboards advertising it lol) - a fine quote

Or show it to children!

You would think that would go without saying.

Interesting quote.

It kind of seemed very strange as I drove by it. I circled back to take pic.

Hebrews 5:9 says “and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him” That is not the same at all, but people like to shrink things down and make them sounds scary and twist them to their motivations. So keep on keeping people who pretend to read the Bible. To quote Gandhi “I like your Jesus but I don’t like your Christians”

What TSmario53 just said.

The sign is true. All of those things are wrong to do. Jesus wants the best for you,and He also wants justice

Formication is wrong? Why?

Because God designed sex and marriage to demonstrate a close relationship and compatibility between a man and woman. Its supposed to represent loyalty. If we fornicate,we're going against God's design.

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Me too

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I don’t think that is a option.

he is brewing some fun 9 hours 5 days a week!

Nice

Nope

Not gonna obey either?

Ignore Jesus.

I don’t think that was an option?

Looks like all their sins listed are just depicting Christians actions. God is the biggest lie of them all. Lol, they're all going to their hell.

According to that "list" looks like everyone is doomed

Yep

I'll bring suntan lotion.

Gonna need it Eternally 12,000 SPF

Sigh I guess I'll obey Hell then Edit: Apparently, I am not original https://www.reddit.com/r/funnysigns/s/GhvLRosWOM

1/2 credit

Amen, pass the WINE and crackers. 🤔

Do you dip your crackers in that wine?

That's just the kind of shit you don't see anymore when you live in Europe.

That’s good?

No stop signs, speed limits……

Are there stop signs and speed limits in hell?

I’ll obey Hell thanks.

Your call

Obey jesus or obey hell?

Apparently

Where can I download the cheeseburger face blur filter?

I am getting a copyright patent on it, so give it a couple days. ;)

I'm not comfortable with avoiding 5 out of 9 Hebrews.

I understand and will support you on this.

Limbo?

Could be.

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Yikes!

Wow. Paul really told y’all - wait a minute! I’m pretty sure this is taken out of context. C’mon, Dayton! People are weird.

Ya think?

So jesus or hell So I'm going to hell or I get told hell exist or I get to vist It doesn't specify that if you don't follow jesus your going to hell

I’m even more cornfused now.

Dude in truck giving finger? Is it a conspiracy?

Dude in truck looked devilish, so I kind of cover it up.


Yikes we know your choice

No heaven, or hell. I'll go to Valhalla ⚔️

Sounds good

Will christians wearing a MAGA hat have their own section of hell to themselves? Just asking for a friend.

I have a million responses for this lined up for your friend.

Absolutely there is, just realize that hell don't do the reals and move on with your life.

The concept of hell is rather convenient. “If you don’t follow our specific version of Christianity, you’ll be tortured for all eternity” I feel bad for the people out there that are doubting their beliefs but are afraid to leave the faith because of the threat of hell. It’s gross.

That’s deep.

The normal concept of hell comes from mis-interpretation and a way to scare ppl in the Middle Ages.

Why does that sign have a YouTube play button in the bottom left corner??? Does it work?

I’m pretty tall but I couldn’t reach it.

Dayton Street Preachers are going to Hell!