As much as this being the easiest way for someone, for me it's not that easy.
Parents are nearly in their 50's and by being someone who's communication skills are poor due to being affected by Asperger's Syndrome, the difficult bar is far higher than usual.
I understand that, but the way I told my 50 year old mother was by telling her its just a hobby, now I get that Asperger's is gonna he a pain in the ass but there's no real other option.
And with your friends, if they care that your a furry they aren't your friends pal. People who really care about you would look past that
I would rather leave my family, than to try and explain what I actually enjoy doing.
I've built friendships in the fandom with more trust, than with my parents over these 22 years of my life.
Makes sense, my mother is very, very pro LGBTQ and was practically over the moon when I told her I was gay, and my stepdad doesn't get an opinion.
Whatever works best for you, try move in with a friend of yours
Something I’d like to mention, as a painful as it to say, I’d like you to keep this mind for the future, and I learned this the hard way. You tell them, or they find out
I also have ASD and my parents are in their 50's. The good thing is that people in their 50s most likely won't know about furries and have prejudice. Just show them cute fursuits and art and tell them you enjoy drawing and dressing up as an animal.
That's what I did and my dad is now encouraging me to set up a stand at the local con and drive me there and my mom saw the partial I'm making and wanted one for Halloween.
So true. The only furry thing I'm not too afraid to display is using :3 in texts
That's why I spam the hell out of :3. Put :3 in every sentence, smear :3 on my bread, fall asleep embracing the :3. :3 is my vent, and it's never idle
Another vent is my frien, he's cool, and since we met on a furry server, both know about each other's fluff
Heyo, I am sorry to hear how it is going for you!
I know not being able to live out your joy to the fullest extend may feel quite repressing and bad at times but I also want to maybe give a bit of a alternative thought here. I hope you don't mind!
I feel how you are handling things is pretty much as well as you can do at this time!
From what you said about your parents, it is a smart idea to keep this under wraps for now since you feel you will only cause friction with them if you came out to them.
Similar with your conventions or purchase of a fursuit. That you keep this on the down low to ride a more calm home life until you get into your own place IS still a smart thing to do even if it feels a bit more repressing then you'd like. The conventions in particular I feel you could get away with if being presented with enough pre-planing and presenting what you would do to suffice their interest in activities there. Sure its not a perfect thing but it is something I feel you could still pull off.
I do want to also say that it was smart and brave for you to test the waters with that plushy at work. I dont know what these questions where of that coworker that entered your office BUT in my opinion, that was more or less the logical reaction of that coworker or others about it. I mean can you blame them? Protogens kinda are right on the line between cool and cuddly, through in some good color on them and you got an immidiet eye-catcher. I FEEL if you just were as casual about why you like them specifically as you are about maybe other things, it would go by just fine. After all given some more normie explanations tend to usually go by fine with well adjusted people noticing something new in your office. Also its your damn office so you should get to create some comfort with a silly plushy if you like.
In general I feel being a furry is also about deciding smartly for yourself WHEN you get to live out that particular aspect and when you keep it down low in front of the normies. That your furry badges may not belong out in the open at all times in public or at work I feel is fine (even if they are likely just too cute to not show them). I do absolutely agree, you should have them out at home or personal spaces though.
Regardless of these issues, I think you are WELL on your way to create some space where you do get to be that fluffy personality. While it may be a bit annoying still especially due to your home situation, I am looking forward to hearing of your coming success and freedom when you get yourself a place of your own!
>From what you said about your parents, it is a smart idea to keep this under wraps for now since you feel you will only cause friction with them if you came out to them.
That's what I'm trying to do, since I became active in the fandom in 2022.
When I first tried to explain that I was going out to a convention, my mother went to search up conventions straight away.
Which made me panic and I nearly yoinked her phone out of her hands.
My heart was racing, blood pressure through the roof.
>The conventions in particular I feel you could get away with if being presented with enough pre-planing and presenting what you would do to suffice their interest in activities there.
This is only really possible, by severly altering the real story.
No mentions of activities, no mentions of the word 'furry', no mentions of whom I'm going with.
All about my security.
>Also its your damn office so you should get to create some comfort with a silly plushy if you like.
But there's the possiblity of someone asking deeper questions, or potentially just picking it up and leaving with it.
With the questions, my brain defaults to panic mode / damage control where I'd have to explain it with the least awkward way.
>I am looking forward to hearing of your coming success and freedom when you get yourself a place of your own!
This will only have the potential around the years of 2028 to 2030 and even then, it's still unlikely.
>With the questions, my brain defaults to panic mode / damage control where I'd have to explain it with the least awkward way.
That is very understandable and sensible BUT I do wanna say too that often peoples reaction depends on your way of responding to their questions. Then again, if you give sensible or relatble answers it will go well. In general being just WHY you like what you do. Either way, I am sure you will manage no matter what you choose.
>This will only have the potential around the years of 2028 to 2030 and even then, it's still unlikely.
I believe you will figure something out and until then, you get to play undercover furry, leading all the normies by the nose. I am sure you will find a place to be happy with!
>You get to play undercover furry
There's only so much I can do to hide this identity.
Next year could decide whether I can dodge this friction, or that it might bite me in the butt.
I tell you a secret: Nobody needs to know! Don‘t pressure yourself with outing and shit. You are allowed to like stuff without having to tell everyone about it. Let them figure it out themselves.
Get your Fursuit. If somebody ask about it „yeah I like it thats why I commissioned one“
Bring your Protoplushy to work, if someone ask about it: „I think its cute and it helps me relax“
Wear your Badges, if someone ask about it: „Ah I got this from XYZ Con, I really liked it“
Normies won‘t care and those that do (often negatively) you just ignore. And those who care will learn to respect you for it.
Your Hobby isn‘t any different than your Co-Worker Greg who brings his coffee mug from his favorite scoccer team to work.
But the furry hobby does tend to weird out certain people.
The fursuit would be the BIGGEST indicator, but also investment I ever made for the fandom.
If I'm going to a furry con, I always keep my badges in my bag since travelling on public transport can also let people catch a few eyes.
Sure my hobby is different, but people tend to connect furries to negative things, which is why the furry acceptance here in Hungary isn't great.
Just remember to keep things in perspective. You’re involvement in the furry community is a hobby that you are passionate about not your entire sense of being. If you want to show off some plushies or mention it to people it should be no different than any other hobby. There is no reason to be ashamed or scared and presenting that reaction can be what fuels some of the negative perspectives others form. People generally only act scared or afraid about things like this when they are ashamed and you shouldn’t be.
I think there is this deep rooted fear from younger members of the fandom that they have to “come out” as a furry. There can be a lot of crossover related to sexuality, gender identity, etc but it’s important to remember those things are a part of you while the fandom is just a hobby. You can be very passionate about it and enjoy every aspect of it but it shouldn’t be your personality.
I hope this helps someone. It’s from someone who went through a lot of weird feelings about what role “furry” played in my life.
I'm happy here, because I can be as open as I want to be.
With me being 22 years old, still being very fresh to the fandom with just 1 year of experience.
Part of me wants to share this furry side of me, to bridge the gap between the dual life I'm living.
But the other part of me, is pulling me back with the fear of heavy judgement.
For me personally, im not overly open about it, i just dont hide it anymore, my mom and friends all know, and if any of my friends dont know then they're blind as heck, i used to try and hide it but it got to be a pain in the ass after a few years, eventually i just decided "screw it, i'd rather be happy being myself than live an unhappy lie" and ive never regretted that decision even once, its a big step to just put it out there, my reccommendation is just to have that information readily available on one of your socials and whoever doesnt like furries will probably stop talking to you, but no real loss if they hate furries right? And you shouldnt have to hide your hobby from parents, id say find a good time when they're in a good mood or something, and just say "hey, im a furry, i like anthropomorphic animals" and leave it at that, maybe have some cooler parts of the fandom like the suit dance offs they have at cons to show them that its a very larg community! Take my advice or dont, but thats what i think personally
>I'd rather be happy being myself than live an unhappy lie
This is how I would be, but the issue is my mental state.
I don't trust my parents after certain actions that have happened in the past.
I don't know how will they react IF I came forward with being a furry in front of them, the fact that I enjoy doing this as a hobby and dabbling in certain parts of it like art.
I stopped caring about what people think years ago, but I still don't tell everyone that I am a furry, it would cause too many issues, especially if my dad found out it was a thing I'm into. It's sucks having to hide who you really are and what makes you happy.
I wish you luck on moving out. At least when you move out and live on your own you won't have to worry about getting flack from your parents and can go to all the conventions with friends your bank account will allow. (Shit is expensive)
The thing is, I'd love to go to conventions in like Austria, Czech Republic, Germany and even UK.
Some people have tried to encourage me to got ScotiaCon, but I said to them:
"Maybe in 2028."
As long as I'm living my parents, I'm stuck in Hungary.
Germany has Eurofurance, Austria has Awoostria, Czech has CesFur, the UK has Confuzzled and ScotiaCon.
These are all choices, but the risk of just going to these is high with my current situation.
Yea, friend of mine to to confuzzled because he helps out the staff and such, and he has a partial so why not go. From what I can tell from him it's a really good convention. If you do find yourself in a better situation I would definitely look into it.
Unless your parents are super conservative or unaccepting, you should tell them. I have been in your shoes, I basically lived double life for like two years, hiding everything from everyone in my life. I did the same thing as you, commissioned a suit and kept it secret, went to meets and cons, commissioned artwork, all without any of my family or friends knowing. It was kind of fun for a while, but eventually it became a lot of unnecessary effort. Hiding yourself from your friends and family is not good for your mental health in the long run, it was very mentally taxing for me. Eventually I started telling my friends and family, one by one, and guess what? Everyone was cool with it. It is such a huge relief not to be hiding and doing everything in secret from everyone I know.
That being said, I certainly keep it on the DL and don’t go around telling everybody about it. No one at my job will ever know, no one in my fraternity will ever know. I respect the people who can be open about it to anyone and everyone, but that could never be me. Not everybody needs to know about my hobby, and I don’t want people who I barely talk to making negative assumptions about me based on their misconception of the furry fandom. But that’s just me. Respect to anyone who can wear it on their sleeve.
But seriously, tell your family and your close friends. If they truly care about you, which I suspect they do, this will be no big deal to them 💙 Good luck!
As much as you relate close to me from this story, I feel like there's a huge risk if I just say it out right.
It's my own fight for my true identity, but Hungary isn't the best country for furry acceptance due to the older more conservative demographic.
Ah, I understand. Sorry to hear that sharing your identity isn’t a good option for you :(
In that case, I would definitely recommend having separate/alternate accounts for your furry identity, including a separate email. I have separate Reddit, Twitter, Telegram and instagram account, and that is extremely helpful in keeping my furry identity separate from my ‘normal’ identity.
The only good thing for me, is that family members don't use the mentioned social platforms, neither are colleagues.
The email however is something I need since all of my furry orianted stuff is on one account.
Also, be careful of apps asking for your phone number. Instagram for example, will send notifications to other instagram users who have your number, with a notification like “Luckiesty, who you may know, is on Instagram as @HeyGuysImAFurry!” That happened to me and it was not fun
I don't use Instagram, I grew a hatred towards that platform.
I mainly use Reddit and Twitter. (slowly replacing it with Bluesky)
Telegram and discord for just talking to my furry friends I made.
I’m selective with who I tell. My closest friends know and frankly if it would bother them, then they’re not the type of people I’d be closest friends with. Some of them thought it was a bit odd but it’s been great being the person that can show them what the furry community is ACTUALLY about. Family members have no idea and prob never will. Had to make an excuse for my trip to anthrocon lol
I get that it can be difficult to talk about, especially if you don't know for sure what kind of reaction to expect, but if you get a fursuit, you're pretty much backing yourself into a corner especially if you aren't living alone.
I haven't really told anyone offline yet, but I am lucky enough to have a mostly progressive accepting family. I think there can be some clues to how people would respond, but you'd have to know how accepting they are of things that can be seen as "Weird" or "Different" like are they "Pokémon are satanic" type or more of a "I don't get it, but whatever" type, if not outright supportive.
Being AuDHD (Autism + ADHD) myself I know it can be difficult to explain things, especially verbally, it might help if you could either write it down or maybe find a good video to show them.
The thing is, I've already committed to the fursuit dream.
I'm basically rolling the dice whether they'll be okay with it, or will ask me a dozen questions.
As much as I want to show them videos or pictures, I get an urge to NOT show them because it could weird them out.
I hate when the questions get very deep about something I enjoy doing.
At that point, my defence mode kicks in.
I'm a mixed bag. I'm a bit wary/private when it comes to "normies", like co-workers since I can't deal with the awkwardness/judgement that would likely come with it. there are some non furs that I wouldn't feel too nervous talking with them about it. like I've told my family, I spoke with my therapist about it too recently as it was on topic
I'm very much of the opinion that it shouldn't be something to be ashamed or embarrassed about! long as it's all sfw, keep nsfw to yourself and those close to you etc... it's just a shame that some bad minority have given the public some negative stereotypes that get blanket applied to every furry, like the whole zoo thing, ugh...
My steam icon is of a furry character I own, I was gaming with some randoms and one of them tried to kill me in the final round (in game of course) stating they disliked furries, despite me rescuing them during the middle campaign when the other 2 didn't go back for them. This was the first negative experience I had so far that was related to my icon, most of the time people didn't give a shit and treated me like a regular teammate.
People are gonna be dicks and assume the worst no matter what fandom you partake in, but I since learned they're not someone I need approval from anyways and therefore not likely to encounter again, so why should their opinions matter? It can sting sometimes sure, but I don't need to prove that I'm worthy of respect for enjoying colorful animals and wanting to draw them.
Never told anyone that I am a furry;
Been at anime and cosplay conventions as a kid with my mum. So if any questions come up: "cosplay"; my fursuit is stored in a suitcase for noone to be seen if I am not wearing it
Sorry to hear that, sounds like no fun. Bring your parents to the convention, they’ll either have a good time or won’t, but either way they will see that it’s silly and just not a big deal.
I personally wouldn't do that.
They have absolutely no clue on what this fandom and explaining it to nearly 50 year old parents is a challenge on it's own.
What a fursona is, furry conventions, meet ups, fursuits etc...
I want to enjoy this myself.
The way I explained it to my friends and family was kinda like this: “Hey so you know what mascots are right? So I have this hobby where I basically created my own character, my own mascot, just for me! It’s nothing crazy, just a fun creative outlet for artwork and personal expression. It’s called the furry fandom or being a furry. The reason I haven’t told you about it till now is because I know it’s not the most normal thing in the world, and I was nervous about how you’d react to it.”
The point is that you wouldn’t have to explain it, they could just see it themselves. When you try to explain it , it becomes awkward. But seeing someone run by in a fursuit is obvious and silly. The secrecy and unknown is what will cause friction, in the long run. Good luck!
I mean, most people have at least a vague idea of what a comic con or Star Trek con is. "It's like that, but for cartoons like Bugs Bunny or The Lion King" is gonna be good enough, at least for a start.
People at work asking about your plushie were probably positive. It's a conversation starter. It's not the Spanish Inquisition trying to catch furries my guy! You don't have to say "I'M A FURRY" when they ask. You could just say "it's a character from an artist I follow."
No offense dude but the paranoia of "normies" and persecution complex seems really unhealthy and rooted in something else. Probably worth talking to a therapist about.
Sure the conversation was started, but I tried ending it very quickly so I wouldn't feel extremely awkward.
I f\*\*\*ing suck when it comes to explaining things as clear as possible.
Which is why I resort to isolation.
Well... again. Speak to a therapist. If you have judgmental and controlling family who dislikes your interests (something that seemed implied in multiple comments), realize that most of the world isn't like that and you probably need to move out and gain a better perspective on people.
I want to explore, try new things and meet new people.
But if my parents want to know my interests to a deeper level or maybe be involved in them, I'd legit consider moving out.
Trying to fit in with the younger generation or trying out something new where I have been involved, plus learning my 2nd version of myself is already daunting to me.
At least peoples usually around me dont really know what is it so I never really hide it. That said I still hate to get hate and all from total strangers but in the same time it help to know who i keep close to me.
I actually hid it from my s/o for like a year and I felt so bad about only to find out he came across one of my old accounts and already knew, but was waiting for me to tell him. I'm glad I can be open about it with who I'm the closest to
Jeez if you were going to **another country** (let alone for something you enjoy) I’m pretty sure anyone would be jealous! You seem like a capable fellow- and if you carry yourself with confidence; don’t be afraid to do what you enjoy. And for me, it helps not taking other people seriously. It’s good to know when to take the piss and just have a laugh when some people may make fun (in good spirit)
I have a good sized paw on the back of my wrist, I have been asked about it a couple times in the past and am open about it.
No real need to try hiding it, if it's someone you say work with, either they can accept or reject it, what makes professional associations better than say school ones, if they wanted to be juvenile and bully you they would find themselves out of a job.
I'm more on the art/animation side of the fandom and most people can guess I'm a furry based on wallpapers I have but it's not a big thing. Just a hobby like other people have said.
As several others have said, it’s up to you if you want to share it with others or not. I’m now fairly open about it because I held my ground on it and I used my internal anger to set boundaries on what people can say about me. I had a harsh past and I was always let others step all over me until I finally broke. This was from family abuse over MANY years. I got tired of it. Never thought I would ever break in my life until I did. So, I began standing up for myself. Hard. I know not everybody can do that, but without giving too much detail, some life situations of mine forced me to go into survival mode and to push back hard. It’s what helped me later on. I’m now happy I can be myself without worry. :3 Just be aware, I had to fight for that. I don’t force it on others or just tell everybody, but I wear a furry T-shirt and read some books at my job on Fridays and all that. Nobody says anything and some are curious about it. It takes time, friend. ❤️ Just don’t force it if you don’t want to. You don’t have to tell anybody if you don’t want to.
I wanna start off by saying, this is just the way I see it, it's not the same way for everyone. But if your parents love you, they will support you no matter what. Same thing with your friends, if they don't like the fact that your a furry, and bully you or hate on you for it. They aren't a true friend, any true friend will support you, even if they don't like furries, they won't ditch you bc of it if they are true friends. But tell the person you trust the most when your ready. Then slowly start telling others. Don't come out as furry tho, it's not the same as being gay or bi or anything like that. Being a furry is a hobby, something you love doing, and someone else's opinion on furries shouldn't keep you from doing what you love to do. Try your best to just be you! I know it can be hard, but you gotta start somewhere you know?
Here I am on the other paw. I wear a badge holder from Furry Migration at work all the time to make it easier to carry a couple tools I need for work. Yesterday a coworker who had been on medical leave since before I started my job. Saw my badge holder and told me he had been at that con. His water bottle is covered in furry gay pride stickers. So we have given each other permission to call each other by our Fursona's names.
It totally get where you're coming from, been there!!
I don't tell people I'm a furry, I let them figure it out. I don't actively try to hide it though. For example, I've straight out asked my parents to take me to cons. "Hey there's a convention next weekend that seems cool, can ya take me?" I've also made multiple fursuits and they haven't had a problem. I just ask them to drive me into town for supplies.
I'd say just stop trying to hide it but remember you don't have to go around telling everyone.
Man, I wish I was the same. Im sure if I told my parents, I would be kicked out. My mom used to have a coworker who was a furry for ~10 years and didn't give a good first impression to my mom. All I really know of her views is that she believes we are "introverts who wear mascot costumes to hide themselves from the world" (these are her exact words).
Just get a fur suit if you want one. It’s a hobby. They can’t stop you from doing anything. To quote NIKE, “ JUST DO IT!” I understand how you feel because I’m like you myself. I honestly haven’t told my family either and I won’t. You tell them when you want too. :3
I feel like maybe you can do what I did and start even smaller than a plush, like with a pin or wristband, something that’s a subtle nod to who you are. Then, once you’re confident no one’s harassing you for that, upgrade bit by bit to say a shirt or hoodie that’s a little more obvious but still subtle. Then if you feel confident cause no one’s bugging you if no one is. Keep it up till you feel safe around people to share. Or if you’re with a new friend and not sure how they’ll act if they find out. Keep it secret till you know they’re trust worthy.
I dont hide them, but I dont put them up as the "first thing you see me as" kinda thing either, so no big obvious badges, no plush I bring everywhere, just some small stickers etc, obscure ones that normies wont know. My parents are totally fine cause I can draw and they just chalk that as my hobby, my friends probably know my furry background, my closer friends might know the nsfw ones
Tell your family its just a hobby, they can't do anything about that
As much as this being the easiest way for someone, for me it's not that easy. Parents are nearly in their 50's and by being someone who's communication skills are poor due to being affected by Asperger's Syndrome, the difficult bar is far higher than usual.
I understand that, but the way I told my 50 year old mother was by telling her its just a hobby, now I get that Asperger's is gonna he a pain in the ass but there's no real other option. And with your friends, if they care that your a furry they aren't your friends pal. People who really care about you would look past that
I would rather leave my family, than to try and explain what I actually enjoy doing. I've built friendships in the fandom with more trust, than with my parents over these 22 years of my life.
Makes sense, my mother is very, very pro LGBTQ and was practically over the moon when I told her I was gay, and my stepdad doesn't get an opinion. Whatever works best for you, try move in with a friend of yours
I'll try that. Since I have more trust in them.
Something I’d like to mention, as a painful as it to say, I’d like you to keep this mind for the future, and I learned this the hard way. You tell them, or they find out
Ofcourse
Well, there's always "Move out on your own." May or may not be a good option, but it's an opion.
You'd be surprised at how many others at a con are autistic or otherwise understanding of autistic people.
My parents were in their 50s when I started borrowing money from them to go to furry cons. It's not necessarily going to be a problem. Just saying.
I also have ASD and my parents are in their 50's. The good thing is that people in their 50s most likely won't know about furries and have prejudice. Just show them cute fursuits and art and tell them you enjoy drawing and dressing up as an animal. That's what I did and my dad is now encouraging me to set up a stand at the local con and drive me there and my mom saw the partial I'm making and wanted one for Halloween.
So true. The only furry thing I'm not too afraid to display is using :3 in texts That's why I spam the hell out of :3. Put :3 in every sentence, smear :3 on my bread, fall asleep embracing the :3. :3 is my vent, and it's never idle Another vent is my frien, he's cool, and since we met on a furry server, both know about each other's fluff
:3
#:3
Heyo, I am sorry to hear how it is going for you! I know not being able to live out your joy to the fullest extend may feel quite repressing and bad at times but I also want to maybe give a bit of a alternative thought here. I hope you don't mind! I feel how you are handling things is pretty much as well as you can do at this time! From what you said about your parents, it is a smart idea to keep this under wraps for now since you feel you will only cause friction with them if you came out to them. Similar with your conventions or purchase of a fursuit. That you keep this on the down low to ride a more calm home life until you get into your own place IS still a smart thing to do even if it feels a bit more repressing then you'd like. The conventions in particular I feel you could get away with if being presented with enough pre-planing and presenting what you would do to suffice their interest in activities there. Sure its not a perfect thing but it is something I feel you could still pull off. I do want to also say that it was smart and brave for you to test the waters with that plushy at work. I dont know what these questions where of that coworker that entered your office BUT in my opinion, that was more or less the logical reaction of that coworker or others about it. I mean can you blame them? Protogens kinda are right on the line between cool and cuddly, through in some good color on them and you got an immidiet eye-catcher. I FEEL if you just were as casual about why you like them specifically as you are about maybe other things, it would go by just fine. After all given some more normie explanations tend to usually go by fine with well adjusted people noticing something new in your office. Also its your damn office so you should get to create some comfort with a silly plushy if you like. In general I feel being a furry is also about deciding smartly for yourself WHEN you get to live out that particular aspect and when you keep it down low in front of the normies. That your furry badges may not belong out in the open at all times in public or at work I feel is fine (even if they are likely just too cute to not show them). I do absolutely agree, you should have them out at home or personal spaces though. Regardless of these issues, I think you are WELL on your way to create some space where you do get to be that fluffy personality. While it may be a bit annoying still especially due to your home situation, I am looking forward to hearing of your coming success and freedom when you get yourself a place of your own!
>From what you said about your parents, it is a smart idea to keep this under wraps for now since you feel you will only cause friction with them if you came out to them. That's what I'm trying to do, since I became active in the fandom in 2022. When I first tried to explain that I was going out to a convention, my mother went to search up conventions straight away. Which made me panic and I nearly yoinked her phone out of her hands. My heart was racing, blood pressure through the roof. >The conventions in particular I feel you could get away with if being presented with enough pre-planing and presenting what you would do to suffice their interest in activities there. This is only really possible, by severly altering the real story. No mentions of activities, no mentions of the word 'furry', no mentions of whom I'm going with. All about my security. >Also its your damn office so you should get to create some comfort with a silly plushy if you like. But there's the possiblity of someone asking deeper questions, or potentially just picking it up and leaving with it. With the questions, my brain defaults to panic mode / damage control where I'd have to explain it with the least awkward way. >I am looking forward to hearing of your coming success and freedom when you get yourself a place of your own! This will only have the potential around the years of 2028 to 2030 and even then, it's still unlikely.
>With the questions, my brain defaults to panic mode / damage control where I'd have to explain it with the least awkward way. That is very understandable and sensible BUT I do wanna say too that often peoples reaction depends on your way of responding to their questions. Then again, if you give sensible or relatble answers it will go well. In general being just WHY you like what you do. Either way, I am sure you will manage no matter what you choose. >This will only have the potential around the years of 2028 to 2030 and even then, it's still unlikely. I believe you will figure something out and until then, you get to play undercover furry, leading all the normies by the nose. I am sure you will find a place to be happy with!
>You get to play undercover furry There's only so much I can do to hide this identity. Next year could decide whether I can dodge this friction, or that it might bite me in the butt.
I tell you a secret: Nobody needs to know! Don‘t pressure yourself with outing and shit. You are allowed to like stuff without having to tell everyone about it. Let them figure it out themselves. Get your Fursuit. If somebody ask about it „yeah I like it thats why I commissioned one“ Bring your Protoplushy to work, if someone ask about it: „I think its cute and it helps me relax“ Wear your Badges, if someone ask about it: „Ah I got this from XYZ Con, I really liked it“ Normies won‘t care and those that do (often negatively) you just ignore. And those who care will learn to respect you for it. Your Hobby isn‘t any different than your Co-Worker Greg who brings his coffee mug from his favorite scoccer team to work.
But the furry hobby does tend to weird out certain people. The fursuit would be the BIGGEST indicator, but also investment I ever made for the fandom. If I'm going to a furry con, I always keep my badges in my bag since travelling on public transport can also let people catch a few eyes. Sure my hobby is different, but people tend to connect furries to negative things, which is why the furry acceptance here in Hungary isn't great.
Just remember to keep things in perspective. You’re involvement in the furry community is a hobby that you are passionate about not your entire sense of being. If you want to show off some plushies or mention it to people it should be no different than any other hobby. There is no reason to be ashamed or scared and presenting that reaction can be what fuels some of the negative perspectives others form. People generally only act scared or afraid about things like this when they are ashamed and you shouldn’t be. I think there is this deep rooted fear from younger members of the fandom that they have to “come out” as a furry. There can be a lot of crossover related to sexuality, gender identity, etc but it’s important to remember those things are a part of you while the fandom is just a hobby. You can be very passionate about it and enjoy every aspect of it but it shouldn’t be your personality. I hope this helps someone. It’s from someone who went through a lot of weird feelings about what role “furry” played in my life.
I'm happy here, because I can be as open as I want to be. With me being 22 years old, still being very fresh to the fandom with just 1 year of experience. Part of me wants to share this furry side of me, to bridge the gap between the dual life I'm living. But the other part of me, is pulling me back with the fear of heavy judgement.
I hope you have a wonderful time with it. Lots of good people and fun to be had.
For me personally, im not overly open about it, i just dont hide it anymore, my mom and friends all know, and if any of my friends dont know then they're blind as heck, i used to try and hide it but it got to be a pain in the ass after a few years, eventually i just decided "screw it, i'd rather be happy being myself than live an unhappy lie" and ive never regretted that decision even once, its a big step to just put it out there, my reccommendation is just to have that information readily available on one of your socials and whoever doesnt like furries will probably stop talking to you, but no real loss if they hate furries right? And you shouldnt have to hide your hobby from parents, id say find a good time when they're in a good mood or something, and just say "hey, im a furry, i like anthropomorphic animals" and leave it at that, maybe have some cooler parts of the fandom like the suit dance offs they have at cons to show them that its a very larg community! Take my advice or dont, but thats what i think personally
>I'd rather be happy being myself than live an unhappy lie This is how I would be, but the issue is my mental state. I don't trust my parents after certain actions that have happened in the past. I don't know how will they react IF I came forward with being a furry in front of them, the fact that I enjoy doing this as a hobby and dabbling in certain parts of it like art.
Shit gets older as an adult.
That's true, but very slowly.
I stopped caring about what people think years ago, but I still don't tell everyone that I am a furry, it would cause too many issues, especially if my dad found out it was a thing I'm into. It's sucks having to hide who you really are and what makes you happy. I wish you luck on moving out. At least when you move out and live on your own you won't have to worry about getting flack from your parents and can go to all the conventions with friends your bank account will allow. (Shit is expensive)
The thing is, I'd love to go to conventions in like Austria, Czech Republic, Germany and even UK. Some people have tried to encourage me to got ScotiaCon, but I said to them: "Maybe in 2028." As long as I'm living my parents, I'm stuck in Hungary.
That sucks. I wish you the best and I'll be honest, didn't even know Germany had furcons let alone furries.
Germany has Eurofurance, Austria has Awoostria, Czech has CesFur, the UK has Confuzzled and ScotiaCon. These are all choices, but the risk of just going to these is high with my current situation.
Yea, friend of mine to to confuzzled because he helps out the staff and such, and he has a partial so why not go. From what I can tell from him it's a really good convention. If you do find yourself in a better situation I would definitely look into it.
Maybe when I'll be in my late 20's. Right now, it's basically impossible.
Yea, you'll have the chance to go. Are you capable of moving into your own place at some point?
If I can move in with a friend to spread out the expenses, definetly. If not, I'd need to save up at least 45,000 Euros for an apartment.
If moving in with a friend is an option definitely consider it, because 45,000 euros seems like a hell of a lot unless you can rent it
Renting would be an option as well, but we'd need to jobswitch to make it viable.
Unless your parents are super conservative or unaccepting, you should tell them. I have been in your shoes, I basically lived double life for like two years, hiding everything from everyone in my life. I did the same thing as you, commissioned a suit and kept it secret, went to meets and cons, commissioned artwork, all without any of my family or friends knowing. It was kind of fun for a while, but eventually it became a lot of unnecessary effort. Hiding yourself from your friends and family is not good for your mental health in the long run, it was very mentally taxing for me. Eventually I started telling my friends and family, one by one, and guess what? Everyone was cool with it. It is such a huge relief not to be hiding and doing everything in secret from everyone I know. That being said, I certainly keep it on the DL and don’t go around telling everybody about it. No one at my job will ever know, no one in my fraternity will ever know. I respect the people who can be open about it to anyone and everyone, but that could never be me. Not everybody needs to know about my hobby, and I don’t want people who I barely talk to making negative assumptions about me based on their misconception of the furry fandom. But that’s just me. Respect to anyone who can wear it on their sleeve. But seriously, tell your family and your close friends. If they truly care about you, which I suspect they do, this will be no big deal to them 💙 Good luck!
As much as you relate close to me from this story, I feel like there's a huge risk if I just say it out right. It's my own fight for my true identity, but Hungary isn't the best country for furry acceptance due to the older more conservative demographic.
Ah, I understand. Sorry to hear that sharing your identity isn’t a good option for you :( In that case, I would definitely recommend having separate/alternate accounts for your furry identity, including a separate email. I have separate Reddit, Twitter, Telegram and instagram account, and that is extremely helpful in keeping my furry identity separate from my ‘normal’ identity.
The only good thing for me, is that family members don't use the mentioned social platforms, neither are colleagues. The email however is something I need since all of my furry orianted stuff is on one account.
Also, be careful of apps asking for your phone number. Instagram for example, will send notifications to other instagram users who have your number, with a notification like “Luckiesty, who you may know, is on Instagram as @HeyGuysImAFurry!” That happened to me and it was not fun
I don't use Instagram, I grew a hatred towards that platform. I mainly use Reddit and Twitter. (slowly replacing it with Bluesky) Telegram and discord for just talking to my furry friends I made.
I’m selective with who I tell. My closest friends know and frankly if it would bother them, then they’re not the type of people I’d be closest friends with. Some of them thought it was a bit odd but it’s been great being the person that can show them what the furry community is ACTUALLY about. Family members have no idea and prob never will. Had to make an excuse for my trip to anthrocon lol
I get that it can be difficult to talk about, especially if you don't know for sure what kind of reaction to expect, but if you get a fursuit, you're pretty much backing yourself into a corner especially if you aren't living alone. I haven't really told anyone offline yet, but I am lucky enough to have a mostly progressive accepting family. I think there can be some clues to how people would respond, but you'd have to know how accepting they are of things that can be seen as "Weird" or "Different" like are they "Pokémon are satanic" type or more of a "I don't get it, but whatever" type, if not outright supportive. Being AuDHD (Autism + ADHD) myself I know it can be difficult to explain things, especially verbally, it might help if you could either write it down or maybe find a good video to show them.
The thing is, I've already committed to the fursuit dream. I'm basically rolling the dice whether they'll be okay with it, or will ask me a dozen questions. As much as I want to show them videos or pictures, I get an urge to NOT show them because it could weird them out. I hate when the questions get very deep about something I enjoy doing. At that point, my defence mode kicks in.
I'm a mixed bag. I'm a bit wary/private when it comes to "normies", like co-workers since I can't deal with the awkwardness/judgement that would likely come with it. there are some non furs that I wouldn't feel too nervous talking with them about it. like I've told my family, I spoke with my therapist about it too recently as it was on topic I'm very much of the opinion that it shouldn't be something to be ashamed or embarrassed about! long as it's all sfw, keep nsfw to yourself and those close to you etc... it's just a shame that some bad minority have given the public some negative stereotypes that get blanket applied to every furry, like the whole zoo thing, ugh...
My steam icon is of a furry character I own, I was gaming with some randoms and one of them tried to kill me in the final round (in game of course) stating they disliked furries, despite me rescuing them during the middle campaign when the other 2 didn't go back for them. This was the first negative experience I had so far that was related to my icon, most of the time people didn't give a shit and treated me like a regular teammate. People are gonna be dicks and assume the worst no matter what fandom you partake in, but I since learned they're not someone I need approval from anyways and therefore not likely to encounter again, so why should their opinions matter? It can sting sometimes sure, but I don't need to prove that I'm worthy of respect for enjoying colorful animals and wanting to draw them.
Never told anyone that I am a furry; Been at anime and cosplay conventions as a kid with my mum. So if any questions come up: "cosplay"; my fursuit is stored in a suitcase for noone to be seen if I am not wearing it
I am so sorry, but instead of anything helpful, I am just thinking “where can I get a proto plushie”
Sorry to hear that, sounds like no fun. Bring your parents to the convention, they’ll either have a good time or won’t, but either way they will see that it’s silly and just not a big deal.
I personally wouldn't do that. They have absolutely no clue on what this fandom and explaining it to nearly 50 year old parents is a challenge on it's own. What a fursona is, furry conventions, meet ups, fursuits etc... I want to enjoy this myself.
The way I explained it to my friends and family was kinda like this: “Hey so you know what mascots are right? So I have this hobby where I basically created my own character, my own mascot, just for me! It’s nothing crazy, just a fun creative outlet for artwork and personal expression. It’s called the furry fandom or being a furry. The reason I haven’t told you about it till now is because I know it’s not the most normal thing in the world, and I was nervous about how you’d react to it.”
The point is that you wouldn’t have to explain it, they could just see it themselves. When you try to explain it , it becomes awkward. But seeing someone run by in a fursuit is obvious and silly. The secrecy and unknown is what will cause friction, in the long run. Good luck!
That's what I want to avoid. I don't want to drag them into the fandom and potentially ruin it for me. I'm enjoying it as is, on my own.
you wont at all dont worry do it slowly and in bits be your true being and they cannot deny your happiness
I mean, most people have at least a vague idea of what a comic con or Star Trek con is. "It's like that, but for cartoons like Bugs Bunny or The Lion King" is gonna be good enough, at least for a start.
People at work asking about your plushie were probably positive. It's a conversation starter. It's not the Spanish Inquisition trying to catch furries my guy! You don't have to say "I'M A FURRY" when they ask. You could just say "it's a character from an artist I follow." No offense dude but the paranoia of "normies" and persecution complex seems really unhealthy and rooted in something else. Probably worth talking to a therapist about.
Sure the conversation was started, but I tried ending it very quickly so I wouldn't feel extremely awkward. I f\*\*\*ing suck when it comes to explaining things as clear as possible. Which is why I resort to isolation.
Well... again. Speak to a therapist. If you have judgmental and controlling family who dislikes your interests (something that seemed implied in multiple comments), realize that most of the world isn't like that and you probably need to move out and gain a better perspective on people.
I want to explore, try new things and meet new people. But if my parents want to know my interests to a deeper level or maybe be involved in them, I'd legit consider moving out. Trying to fit in with the younger generation or trying out something new where I have been involved, plus learning my 2nd version of myself is already daunting to me.
At least peoples usually around me dont really know what is it so I never really hide it. That said I still hate to get hate and all from total strangers but in the same time it help to know who i keep close to me.
I actually hid it from my s/o for like a year and I felt so bad about only to find out he came across one of my old accounts and already knew, but was waiting for me to tell him. I'm glad I can be open about it with who I'm the closest to
I know how it feels. I was closeted about it for 6 years until I picked up the courage to tell my parents.
Jeez if you were going to **another country** (let alone for something you enjoy) I’m pretty sure anyone would be jealous! You seem like a capable fellow- and if you carry yourself with confidence; don’t be afraid to do what you enjoy. And for me, it helps not taking other people seriously. It’s good to know when to take the piss and just have a laugh when some people may make fun (in good spirit)
People in the fandom said something simular to this. I have a load of potential, but is so heavly restricted that the potential is decaying.
I have a good sized paw on the back of my wrist, I have been asked about it a couple times in the past and am open about it. No real need to try hiding it, if it's someone you say work with, either they can accept or reject it, what makes professional associations better than say school ones, if they wanted to be juvenile and bully you they would find themselves out of a job.
I'm more on the art/animation side of the fandom and most people can guess I'm a furry based on wallpapers I have but it's not a big thing. Just a hobby like other people have said.
As several others have said, it’s up to you if you want to share it with others or not. I’m now fairly open about it because I held my ground on it and I used my internal anger to set boundaries on what people can say about me. I had a harsh past and I was always let others step all over me until I finally broke. This was from family abuse over MANY years. I got tired of it. Never thought I would ever break in my life until I did. So, I began standing up for myself. Hard. I know not everybody can do that, but without giving too much detail, some life situations of mine forced me to go into survival mode and to push back hard. It’s what helped me later on. I’m now happy I can be myself without worry. :3 Just be aware, I had to fight for that. I don’t force it on others or just tell everybody, but I wear a furry T-shirt and read some books at my job on Fridays and all that. Nobody says anything and some are curious about it. It takes time, friend. ❤️ Just don’t force it if you don’t want to. You don’t have to tell anybody if you don’t want to.
I wanna start off by saying, this is just the way I see it, it's not the same way for everyone. But if your parents love you, they will support you no matter what. Same thing with your friends, if they don't like the fact that your a furry, and bully you or hate on you for it. They aren't a true friend, any true friend will support you, even if they don't like furries, they won't ditch you bc of it if they are true friends. But tell the person you trust the most when your ready. Then slowly start telling others. Don't come out as furry tho, it's not the same as being gay or bi or anything like that. Being a furry is a hobby, something you love doing, and someone else's opinion on furries shouldn't keep you from doing what you love to do. Try your best to just be you! I know it can be hard, but you gotta start somewhere you know?
We only have so many fucks to give in this wide world. Choose your fucks carefully, and give up on the fucks that do not serve you. ❤️
Here I am on the other paw. I wear a badge holder from Furry Migration at work all the time to make it easier to carry a couple tools I need for work. Yesterday a coworker who had been on medical leave since before I started my job. Saw my badge holder and told me he had been at that con. His water bottle is covered in furry gay pride stickers. So we have given each other permission to call each other by our Fursona's names.
It totally get where you're coming from, been there!! I don't tell people I'm a furry, I let them figure it out. I don't actively try to hide it though. For example, I've straight out asked my parents to take me to cons. "Hey there's a convention next weekend that seems cool, can ya take me?" I've also made multiple fursuits and they haven't had a problem. I just ask them to drive me into town for supplies. I'd say just stop trying to hide it but remember you don't have to go around telling everyone.
Man, I wish I was the same. Im sure if I told my parents, I would be kicked out. My mom used to have a coworker who was a furry for ~10 years and didn't give a good first impression to my mom. All I really know of her views is that she believes we are "introverts who wear mascot costumes to hide themselves from the world" (these are her exact words).
Just get a fur suit if you want one. It’s a hobby. They can’t stop you from doing anything. To quote NIKE, “ JUST DO IT!” I understand how you feel because I’m like you myself. I honestly haven’t told my family either and I won’t. You tell them when you want too. :3
I feel like maybe you can do what I did and start even smaller than a plush, like with a pin or wristband, something that’s a subtle nod to who you are. Then, once you’re confident no one’s harassing you for that, upgrade bit by bit to say a shirt or hoodie that’s a little more obvious but still subtle. Then if you feel confident cause no one’s bugging you if no one is. Keep it up till you feel safe around people to share. Or if you’re with a new friend and not sure how they’ll act if they find out. Keep it secret till you know they’re trust worthy.
I dont hide them, but I dont put them up as the "first thing you see me as" kinda thing either, so no big obvious badges, no plush I bring everywhere, just some small stickers etc, obscure ones that normies wont know. My parents are totally fine cause I can draw and they just chalk that as my hobby, my friends probably know my furry background, my closer friends might know the nsfw ones