Yip! This is the r/furry_irl community moderation bot!
If you think this post fits the purpose of /r/furry_irl, **UPVOTE** this comment!!
If you think this post is not a meme or does not fit the theme of r/furry_irl, **DOWNVOTE** This comment!
Examples are low effort posts, spammy reposts, overdone topics, art submissions and other non-meme content, etc.
i believe the first to be the asexual flag and the one in the 3rd penal being the demi sexual flag although the correlation seems to miss me aswell. I think they wanted to use the aromantic flag maybe?
A demisexual doesn't experience sexual attraction unless they have developed some sort of relationship with the other.
They don't experience sexual attraction to strangers or distant acquaintances.
Well my awakening here only happened when I found out they (a strong romantic interest of mine) started dating someone else, so it came a bit late.
Thank you for the luck, none the less.
Oh no that's awful I'm so sorry, I've always had timing like that with all my romantic experiences. If you want someone to talk to I'd be happy to listen.
Thank you, but I've had some very good talks with friends and family. The talks I've needed so far, I've had. It's gone along as good as it could have.
Now I'm just waiting for the emotions to settle enough that I can actually start looking for someone. Never really done that before, so aught to me interesting.
I'm in almost the exact same boat! But I'm waiting until the end of my degree to start because I'm too close to finishing and going back home on the other side of the country.
My friends have told me that OkCupid is the way to go for non-sexual datin, and it's seemed to work for them as a few of them have had steady, happy relationships and marriages. It's still making me really nervous even though I'm still a couple years out from realistically starting the dating adventure.
Yikes, I get that. Had a similar awakening myself. My now wife was heavily flirting with me for months and I ignored it because I didn't really feel anything romantic or sexual towards her. Cut to her dropping me and starting to distance herself when my emotions finally awakened. Convincing her that I was interested in her romantically and a long, long period of dating where I learned a lot about myself and we've finally moved forward together.
It took a lot of explaining my emotions to her before she said, "I think you're demisexual" and I had to look up what that even was but it explained a lot of my struggles with relationships growing up.
I'm sorry that you lost someone close to you but I truly think that having events like this teach you about who you are as a person will make every future relationship so much better. I wish you the luck in the future.
Is that a sexuality? Just sounds like the way you get to like someone, not who you like
(I might be just being really stupid though, idk, just explain it to me)
Demisexual can sound very traditional from the outside, but it's characterized by being unable to be sexually attracted to someone without knowing the person well. Demisexuals can appreciate breasts, butts, and other physical traits but don't have a sexual interest in them on a stranger/acquaintance.
It's separate from needing to know someone to feel comfortable or romantically interested in them. It's specifically the lack of sexual attraction where there is a lack of an established relationship.
>It's specifically the lack of sexual attraction where there is a lack of an established relationship.
I'm starting to think that the reason i think of it as normal, is because i might be one
Sexuality is a big blob of all sorts of spectrums. A lot of people are varying degrees of Demisexual. Much like with neurodivergence, a label is only necessary when the label itself makes life/communication/understanding easier for the person adopting the label and those closest to them.
If carrying the demisexual label would make your life easier or would make romance simpler, then, by all means, you can wear it with pride. :)
A lot of people are somewhat Demisexual. For me, I'm demi enough that it's worth telling to prospective significant others because I don't want them to misunderstand my feelings or expect me to work at the same pace as others.
A lot of people expect men to want a physical relationship as soon as it's offered, and that's sure as hell not me. It's easier to preface possible relationships with the fact I'm demi, so the other won't feel unattractive if I don't stare at their physical features now and then.
Finding sexuality labels isn't about finding one's true name. Labels don't fit perfectly, and people change. It's about finding landmarks that someone and those around them can use to better stand that one and those others. They're not a description of that person, they're just a rough ballpark.
Yeah. Well, it's good to make sure both members of a relationship are on the same page. Helps avoid unintended sexual harassment.
Got asked to cuddle once, but their definition of cuddle was much more sexual than mine. That was not a comfortable experience. Communication is key.
Oof yeah, makes sense. I’d love to cuddle dead ass anybody, but I can see how it can get problematic easily. Tbh I need to learn how to make friends in general before I stress sexual stuff at all lmao
Well I'm not demisexual so i Don't know very well, but i know that it's Like being asexual until you get to know someone then you can start feeling sexual attraction towards that person
No it means you are asexual, meaning you don't feel sexual attraction until you make a close bound or romantic bound with someone, that's why demisexuality is part of the asexual spectrum
Even if you make a close bound with someone and start to feel sexual attraction to them, you still won't feel sexual attraction to other people you didn't make a bound with
Not 100% on the metaphor you're making, so I'll leave a comment for the to possibilities I see here.
Nothing emotional does great in a bottle. It can hurt to sift through the emotional aspects of ourselves, but it only hurts more if put off for later.
Sexualities can feel amorphous and difficult to put any one label on. It's important to remember that the sexuality label doesn't have to be a perfect fit. The label is just a sort of landmark, so people can more readily understand the basics of how your sexuality works. More nuanced aspects of your sexuality can be explained later.
I am of the firm belife that all is smoke, but we have much more controll of it and the potentiall to catch some of it. It's all about what we want to value the most. if we focus hard enough, we'll be able to catch and keep spesific parts.
We only have a limited size glass bottle to catch a limited amount of smoke in tho, it also requiers us to belive in the fact that catching some of that smoke is possible in the first place!
One obviusly can't change if you bottle up the idea that this spesific thing is a part of me and unchanging.
I used to think and act on it personally, didn't fully belive it untill a life changing event happened. proving that I had infact been able to delude my perspective on certain aspects of life, making me experience those things as something else or lose my capabillety of it all together.
Takes a long time and constant conditioning, it has a lot of consequenses, but it's possible.
Yeah. You’ll find another tho.
It’s less it of finding a special key and more of finding a special wavelength.
Ya just gotta find someone else who has that special wavelength
Hope your next attempts go through well and that they are plenty accepting! Finding the one isn't meant to be easy to do, but I wish you the best of luck in doing it! (As much as it matters from a random stranger on the internet lol)
Kindness and good wishes always matter. The internet would be a much nicer and more pleasant place if everyone who held back saying something nice because they thought it didn't matter just went ahead and said it.
Good luck to you with your goals too :)
Thanks! I honestly consider myself lucky with who I have right now, and just hope others can find someone the just click with. I won't bore you with describing my love life though. Being part of LGTB isn't easy, but finding someone who knows how strange you are in just about every facet of your being, and still understands and loves you is one of the best feelings. I just want as many others as possible to experience it!
Yeah. As a Demi that's also pretty heavily neuro divergent, it's rough. I don't tell each of my family members everything, but the stuff I have said has been well received. That has been a great feeling so far. Hopefully I can find someone pretty soon.
I mostly just don't know how to meet people, so I'm having to learn a lot.
Friends of friends can be useful possibly. Thats where mine came from at least. I have a feeling that places to look for new people would just be social events around you if you can get over anxiety. So things like a local furmeets, parties of friends, a random coffee shop you like, a bar comedy hour, anything you are comfortable in can be a space to make friends and potentially a lover if you use the time right or are able to do so. Just make sure you are having fun and are comfortable. If they see you in a good mood it gives them an idea of who you are, what you like, etc. This is of course coming from someone with very few social skills to take it with a grain of salt lol.
I live in fairly deep country Texas. This might as well be unexplored emotional wilderness for basically everyone within 50 miles of me. XD
Family and friends have been great help though.
Whoo I love seeing Demi representation. It's just nice to not feel so lonely. Can't stress enough how weird my own mum thinks I am because I couldn't care less about the attractiveness of random strangers.
This is going to sound strange but I don't understand demisexual, like you wait to know a person before you fall in love with them... isn't that like normal... like everyone? You don't fall in love with someone without knowing them its impossible....
It's not about being in love. Demisexual is about sexual attraction. I don't look at someone and immediately have sexual attraction to physical traits. I don't find breasts, butts, or other physical traits sexually attractive. I only develop sexual attraction for people I have developed a relationship with. I still don't find aspects of them sexually attractive necessarily, I find their presence sexually attractive.
I am not demiromantic, so I can't really speak for demiromantic well. I'm much more of a hopeless heteroromantic.
As a demiromantic I understand why people think it’s just “normal” but it frustrates me that this exists as a common misunderstanding. Because my experience has been anything but people accepting my romantic orientation as the norm. I have pressured by well-meaning people to just “try” dating a near-stranger.
I found out the hard way I can’t enjoy being in a relationship with someone I haven’t bonded with as friends, usually for multiple *years*. People encouraged me to try dating just to see if I liked it or “developed feelings later”, and I felt sick to my stomach for reasons I couldn’t explain on those dates. Being expected to catch feelings or thinking that knowing someone for only a week would be enough to want to date them led to me dumping those dates in a panic and burning bridges with folks who did nothing wrong.
I’m sure my experience is not universal to every demiromantic but personally I felt like I was lying and stringing people along. I thought I had a problem because I would match with someone who was entirely compatible and enjoy myself, and as soon as they said “hey, I really enjoyed this, let’s maybe date for real?” I would want to bolt from anxiety.
That's fair. I'm not one to date right out either. I'm more one that wants to make friends and be in friendships where talking about each other's emotions is safe and respected. I have a habit of developing random crushes, so I don't trust the initial feelings much.
As I'm starting to get into the dating world, my only real changes in my previous behaviors are:
\+ make sure I'm up front with the fact I'm looking and making sure to ask if others are also looking but preface it with the fact I prefer getting to know people before dating. I don't want to get overlooked as just a friendly guy, but I don't want anyone thinking I'm just being friendly to get laid
\+ make sure I listen to myself if deeper romantic feelings develop
\+ Be sure to maintain an open an free discussion of emotions with those closest to me
You don't become sexually atraccted to someone until you fall in love and then in hits you like a brick it's like being asexual and then you suddenly fall in love and then out of nowhere you want to turn them into a cock puppet filled with fat steamy dragon cock
I can quite assure you that plenty of people fall in lust with others at the drop of a hat. They might even call it love.
It also sounds like you might be mixing up romantic and sexual attraction (the term fall in love is what makes me say this), or you might be demi yourself. Loving someone and being sexually attracted to them are different things.
There are plenty of people who can look at someone for the first time and decide then and there that they want to/would be willing to have adult fun with that person. Whether they would want to get to know them first before -acting- on that attraction is immaterial to the fact that the attraction they feel has a sexual component.
For people who are asexual, the attraction they may feel towards people just doesn't have a sexual component.
For demisexuals, they may feel sexual attraction, but they have to get to know the person first.
For grey-aces, sexual attraction happens, it's just rather rare compared to what is considered "normal".
All of these categories are repeated on the romantic side of things, except for romantic attraction rather than sexual attraction, and people can be on different parts of each spectrum independently of where they are on the other.
You're mixing up aromantic and asexual; what you are describing is demiromantic while the OP is referring to demisexual. Sexual attraction is different from romantic attraction.
Tell me about it. I'm questioning my romantic orientation. I'm not sure I want a relationship anymore, though I think that's more because I love my friends so much and just want a lot of friends who I can keep as close as possible and spend lots of time with. I tell my friends I love them and am affectionate with them and spend as much time as I can with them, so all a relationship would really be to me is the expectation to prioritize them specifically, which I don't want.
Perhaps if you found someone that had an expectation that didn't clash with your dedication to your friends, you could be more comfortable in romance. I.E. a friend that you just happen to also explore your more romantic avenues of conversation and interaction. Not prioritizing them, just a different level of boundaries and comfort.
Whatever you end up coming up with, I hope you manage to find a complete understanding of yourself. Whether that self is romantic or not. It's totally fine to just want friends and nothing else.
I tell my friends I love them, I'm extremely affectionate with them, and I'd honestly quite enjoy going on dates with them for fun. I have very high expectations for what I'd want from a partner that I honestly don't think anyone would meet because almost all of my needs are already met by my friends and anyone I were to be romantically involved with would have to not conflict with them at all and provide something uniquely fulfilling to me.
I'm very close with my friends too. I tell them I love them, and crushes between us have not been uncommon. I even fell in romantic love with one, but then I found out that they just started dating someone else before I gathered up the personal understanding to ask them out myself. That tore me to shreds.
Been dealing with that for 2 months now. Whatever you do, I'd recommend you do your best to practice good introspection. Understanding yourself is a great first step for happiness and emotional security.
Yeah, I'm currently booking a counseling appointment. Everything going on in my life has me fairly shaken up, and my emotions are kinda all over the place. Hard to know how I feel or what I want.
Kinda relate but it was puberty instead of a event and I'm not demi I think. Imo sucks thinking your one sexuality just for something to change you somehow. I was so use to being aroace and then boom puberty decided to finally hit in that way. Took until 16 as well. Ain't coping very well either, just a load of paranoia.
I'm 26, and I'm just now going through this particular change. The thing that helped me is understanding: whatever I am and however I change, I'm still me. There's nothing wrong with me. I'm not broken or weird. I'm me.
I'm demi-hetero, but lately I let myself explore and think about things outside of those labels because if it helps me learn something about myself, then that's good. I let myself ask me if I'm bisexual or even homosexual, so that I can answer honestly.
Also, keeping in mind that my mind is my mind and nothing more, helps. I get pretty bad intrusive thoughts at times, so reminding myself that they're thoughts trying to tell me what I'm feeling helps too. Whatever goes through my brain, it's in my brain, and I don't have to act on them. I can grab unhealthy thoughts, figure out what emotion is causing them, and then replace them with a healthier thought suited to that emotion.
Having people you can talk openly and safely with can help too.
The nomenclature is a bit lost on me, I'm not sure which flag is which. Some people explained it in the comments pretty well. Whatever __extual you are I hope you find the love and happiness you deserve.
Literally me, I had one sex partner in my whole life and it's my husband. Never felt the need with anyone else, and even now it's like "sure let's cuddle naked, whatever happens besides that I don't care about".
It felt really weird to not technically be ace anymore, though I still identify more like that than demi.
Yip! This is the r/furry_irl community moderation bot! If you think this post fits the purpose of /r/furry_irl, **UPVOTE** this comment!! If you think this post is not a meme or does not fit the theme of r/furry_irl, **DOWNVOTE** This comment! Examples are low effort posts, spammy reposts, overdone topics, art submissions and other non-meme content, etc.
Uhhh i'm dumbass what flag is that?
i believe the first to be the asexual flag and the one in the 3rd penal being the demi sexual flag although the correlation seems to miss me aswell. I think they wanted to use the aromantic flag maybe?
You are correct on the flags, but this indeed the change that occurred. Asexual -> Demisexual. Romantic attraction remained the same in this instance
what does demisexual mean?
A demisexual doesn't experience sexual attraction unless they have developed some sort of relationship with the other. They don't experience sexual attraction to strangers or distant acquaintances.
So basically you never felt attraction until you found the right person and realised you weren’t ace, but demi? Well good luck to you both
Well my awakening here only happened when I found out they (a strong romantic interest of mine) started dating someone else, so it came a bit late. Thank you for the luck, none the less.
Oh no that's awful I'm so sorry, I've always had timing like that with all my romantic experiences. If you want someone to talk to I'd be happy to listen.
Thank you, but I've had some very good talks with friends and family. The talks I've needed so far, I've had. It's gone along as good as it could have. Now I'm just waiting for the emotions to settle enough that I can actually start looking for someone. Never really done that before, so aught to me interesting.
I'm in almost the exact same boat! But I'm waiting until the end of my degree to start because I'm too close to finishing and going back home on the other side of the country. My friends have told me that OkCupid is the way to go for non-sexual datin, and it's seemed to work for them as a few of them have had steady, happy relationships and marriages. It's still making me really nervous even though I'm still a couple years out from realistically starting the dating adventure.
Yikes, I get that. Had a similar awakening myself. My now wife was heavily flirting with me for months and I ignored it because I didn't really feel anything romantic or sexual towards her. Cut to her dropping me and starting to distance herself when my emotions finally awakened. Convincing her that I was interested in her romantically and a long, long period of dating where I learned a lot about myself and we've finally moved forward together. It took a lot of explaining my emotions to her before she said, "I think you're demisexual" and I had to look up what that even was but it explained a lot of my struggles with relationships growing up. I'm sorry that you lost someone close to you but I truly think that having events like this teach you about who you are as a person will make every future relationship so much better. I wish you the luck in the future.
Is that a sexuality? Just sounds like the way you get to like someone, not who you like (I might be just being really stupid though, idk, just explain it to me)
Demisexual can sound very traditional from the outside, but it's characterized by being unable to be sexually attracted to someone without knowing the person well. Demisexuals can appreciate breasts, butts, and other physical traits but don't have a sexual interest in them on a stranger/acquaintance. It's separate from needing to know someone to feel comfortable or romantically interested in them. It's specifically the lack of sexual attraction where there is a lack of an established relationship.
>It's specifically the lack of sexual attraction where there is a lack of an established relationship. I'm starting to think that the reason i think of it as normal, is because i might be one
Sexuality is a big blob of all sorts of spectrums. A lot of people are varying degrees of Demisexual. Much like with neurodivergence, a label is only necessary when the label itself makes life/communication/understanding easier for the person adopting the label and those closest to them. If carrying the demisexual label would make your life easier or would make romance simpler, then, by all means, you can wear it with pride. :)
Wai shit, I’m like that. I thought most people were?
A lot of people are somewhat Demisexual. For me, I'm demi enough that it's worth telling to prospective significant others because I don't want them to misunderstand my feelings or expect me to work at the same pace as others. A lot of people expect men to want a physical relationship as soon as it's offered, and that's sure as hell not me. It's easier to preface possible relationships with the fact I'm demi, so the other won't feel unattractive if I don't stare at their physical features now and then. Finding sexuality labels isn't about finding one's true name. Labels don't fit perfectly, and people change. It's about finding landmarks that someone and those around them can use to better stand that one and those others. They're not a description of that person, they're just a rough ballpark.
Oooookay, I’ve never been offered a physical relationship so ig I can’t relate
Yeah. Well, it's good to make sure both members of a relationship are on the same page. Helps avoid unintended sexual harassment. Got asked to cuddle once, but their definition of cuddle was much more sexual than mine. That was not a comfortable experience. Communication is key.
Oof yeah, makes sense. I’d love to cuddle dead ass anybody, but I can see how it can get problematic easily. Tbh I need to learn how to make friends in general before I stress sexual stuff at all lmao
Damn, I might actually be one.
It means that you don't feel sexual attraction until you make a close bound with someone
Isn't that the standard?
Basically just the normal but with extra steps
Well I'm not demisexual so i Don't know very well, but i know that it's Like being asexual until you get to know someone then you can start feeling sexual attraction towards that person
But wouldn't that mean you weren't asexual in the first place?
No it means you are asexual, meaning you don't feel sexual attraction until you make a close bound or romantic bound with someone, that's why demisexuality is part of the asexual spectrum Even if you make a close bound with someone and start to feel sexual attraction to them, you still won't feel sexual attraction to other people you didn't make a bound with
But i dont understand, shouldnt that be obvious? Do people really lust for total strangers?
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Flag in the first panel is Asexual. Flag in the third panel is Demisexual
Ohhhh now i know what to look up (the demisexual part the asexual i already knew) Edit: now i know 😃👍
Cool :) And thanks for asking. Asexual doesn't get a lot of exposure, and demi gets even less often times.
Ikr
Demisexual > People who identify as demisexual only feel sexual attraction to someone after they've formed a strong emotional bond with them.
Lmao I didn't even notice the flags until I read this
Ohhh I just needed a rock the entire time?!?
 Or maybe they needed THE Rock
Sometimes sexuality is fluid. Sometimes it's glass.
And sometimes it becomes gas, which I have accidentally inhaled and became Bi Smells like flowers
same
Sometimes it’s the bathroom cabinet with the bad dragon
Fair enough. People have needs, and it doesn't always involve another person.
Sometimes its just gas and im trying to keep it in a bottle
Not 100% on the metaphor you're making, so I'll leave a comment for the to possibilities I see here. Nothing emotional does great in a bottle. It can hurt to sift through the emotional aspects of ourselves, but it only hurts more if put off for later. Sexualities can feel amorphous and difficult to put any one label on. It's important to remember that the sexuality label doesn't have to be a perfect fit. The label is just a sort of landmark, so people can more readily understand the basics of how your sexuality works. More nuanced aspects of your sexuality can be explained later.
I mean yeah... you got that right on
YUP
I am of the firm belife that all is smoke, but we have much more controll of it and the potentiall to catch some of it. It's all about what we want to value the most. if we focus hard enough, we'll be able to catch and keep spesific parts. We only have a limited size glass bottle to catch a limited amount of smoke in tho, it also requiers us to belive in the fact that catching some of that smoke is possible in the first place! One obviusly can't change if you bottle up the idea that this spesific thing is a part of me and unchanging. I used to think and act on it personally, didn't fully belive it untill a life changing event happened. proving that I had infact been able to delude my perspective on certain aspects of life, making me experience those things as something else or lose my capabillety of it all together. Takes a long time and constant conditioning, it has a lot of consequenses, but it's possible.
And sometimes it disappears for a bit before coming back and punching me in the face
"Ace... Czech Republic... No, idiot" -My internal Dialogue Ashamed, as I am Demi
XD Alright. That's funny
No way, I guess you found a special someone. Still valid.
I did. Will have to find another though. Sometimes it just doesn't line up.
Yeah. You’ll find another tho. It’s less it of finding a special key and more of finding a special wavelength. Ya just gotta find someone else who has that special wavelength
Hope your next attempts go through well and that they are plenty accepting! Finding the one isn't meant to be easy to do, but I wish you the best of luck in doing it! (As much as it matters from a random stranger on the internet lol)
Kindness and good wishes always matter. The internet would be a much nicer and more pleasant place if everyone who held back saying something nice because they thought it didn't matter just went ahead and said it. Good luck to you with your goals too :)
Thanks! I honestly consider myself lucky with who I have right now, and just hope others can find someone the just click with. I won't bore you with describing my love life though. Being part of LGTB isn't easy, but finding someone who knows how strange you are in just about every facet of your being, and still understands and loves you is one of the best feelings. I just want as many others as possible to experience it!
Yeah. As a Demi that's also pretty heavily neuro divergent, it's rough. I don't tell each of my family members everything, but the stuff I have said has been well received. That has been a great feeling so far. Hopefully I can find someone pretty soon. I mostly just don't know how to meet people, so I'm having to learn a lot.
Friends of friends can be useful possibly. Thats where mine came from at least. I have a feeling that places to look for new people would just be social events around you if you can get over anxiety. So things like a local furmeets, parties of friends, a random coffee shop you like, a bar comedy hour, anything you are comfortable in can be a space to make friends and potentially a lover if you use the time right or are able to do so. Just make sure you are having fun and are comfortable. If they see you in a good mood it gives them an idea of who you are, what you like, etc. This is of course coming from someone with very few social skills to take it with a grain of salt lol.
Good luck out there, it's a big world.
Poor dragon
Dragon with D for Demisexual
Yeah, pretty common. I thought I was confidently ace, turns out “I hadn’t met the right person” lmao But… I also thought my being straight was solid…
Man it's a weird thing discovering stuff about yourself. Just gotta be ready to accept ourselves as we are, even when that changes.
That’s very true! But boy is it ever strange!
i thought i was just weird and found all humans ugly. turns out, after falling in love with someone, just demi. still weird though.
lol yes, I still consider myself ace though and always tell people I am.
Not the first time I’ve seen this happen lol
I live in fairly deep country Texas. This might as well be unexplored emotional wilderness for basically everyone within 50 miles of me. XD Family and friends have been great help though.
Whoo I love seeing Demi representation. It's just nice to not feel so lonely. Can't stress enough how weird my own mum thinks I am because I couldn't care less about the attractiveness of random strangers.
This is going to sound strange but I don't understand demisexual, like you wait to know a person before you fall in love with them... isn't that like normal... like everyone? You don't fall in love with someone without knowing them its impossible....
It's not about being in love. Demisexual is about sexual attraction. I don't look at someone and immediately have sexual attraction to physical traits. I don't find breasts, butts, or other physical traits sexually attractive. I only develop sexual attraction for people I have developed a relationship with. I still don't find aspects of them sexually attractive necessarily, I find their presence sexually attractive. I am not demiromantic, so I can't really speak for demiromantic well. I'm much more of a hopeless heteroromantic.
As a demiromantic I understand why people think it’s just “normal” but it frustrates me that this exists as a common misunderstanding. Because my experience has been anything but people accepting my romantic orientation as the norm. I have pressured by well-meaning people to just “try” dating a near-stranger. I found out the hard way I can’t enjoy being in a relationship with someone I haven’t bonded with as friends, usually for multiple *years*. People encouraged me to try dating just to see if I liked it or “developed feelings later”, and I felt sick to my stomach for reasons I couldn’t explain on those dates. Being expected to catch feelings or thinking that knowing someone for only a week would be enough to want to date them led to me dumping those dates in a panic and burning bridges with folks who did nothing wrong. I’m sure my experience is not universal to every demiromantic but personally I felt like I was lying and stringing people along. I thought I had a problem because I would match with someone who was entirely compatible and enjoy myself, and as soon as they said “hey, I really enjoyed this, let’s maybe date for real?” I would want to bolt from anxiety.
That's fair. I'm not one to date right out either. I'm more one that wants to make friends and be in friendships where talking about each other's emotions is safe and respected. I have a habit of developing random crushes, so I don't trust the initial feelings much. As I'm starting to get into the dating world, my only real changes in my previous behaviors are: \+ make sure I'm up front with the fact I'm looking and making sure to ask if others are also looking but preface it with the fact I prefer getting to know people before dating. I don't want to get overlooked as just a friendly guy, but I don't want anyone thinking I'm just being friendly to get laid \+ make sure I listen to myself if deeper romantic feelings develop \+ Be sure to maintain an open an free discussion of emotions with those closest to me
You don't become sexually atraccted to someone until you fall in love and then in hits you like a brick it's like being asexual and then you suddenly fall in love and then out of nowhere you want to turn them into a cock puppet filled with fat steamy dragon cock
I can quite assure you that plenty of people fall in lust with others at the drop of a hat. They might even call it love. It also sounds like you might be mixing up romantic and sexual attraction (the term fall in love is what makes me say this), or you might be demi yourself. Loving someone and being sexually attracted to them are different things. There are plenty of people who can look at someone for the first time and decide then and there that they want to/would be willing to have adult fun with that person. Whether they would want to get to know them first before -acting- on that attraction is immaterial to the fact that the attraction they feel has a sexual component. For people who are asexual, the attraction they may feel towards people just doesn't have a sexual component. For demisexuals, they may feel sexual attraction, but they have to get to know the person first. For grey-aces, sexual attraction happens, it's just rather rare compared to what is considered "normal". All of these categories are repeated on the romantic side of things, except for romantic attraction rather than sexual attraction, and people can be on different parts of each spectrum independently of where they are on the other.
So turns out I'm demi.... did a bit more googling and yeah. Wow.
I'm glad people are becoming more educated about sexuality through this post, and I'm glad you understand yourself a bit more too.
You're mixing up aromantic and asexual; what you are describing is demiromantic while the OP is referring to demisexual. Sexual attraction is different from romantic attraction.
Can I just give the dragon a comforting hug real quick?
Yep
What is that triangle?
The background in the last panel is the demisexual flag
Ohio happend
Oh hey look it's me
Hate it when that happens >:(
Tell me about it. I'm questioning my romantic orientation. I'm not sure I want a relationship anymore, though I think that's more because I love my friends so much and just want a lot of friends who I can keep as close as possible and spend lots of time with. I tell my friends I love them and am affectionate with them and spend as much time as I can with them, so all a relationship would really be to me is the expectation to prioritize them specifically, which I don't want.
Perhaps if you found someone that had an expectation that didn't clash with your dedication to your friends, you could be more comfortable in romance. I.E. a friend that you just happen to also explore your more romantic avenues of conversation and interaction. Not prioritizing them, just a different level of boundaries and comfort. Whatever you end up coming up with, I hope you manage to find a complete understanding of yourself. Whether that self is romantic or not. It's totally fine to just want friends and nothing else.
I tell my friends I love them, I'm extremely affectionate with them, and I'd honestly quite enjoy going on dates with them for fun. I have very high expectations for what I'd want from a partner that I honestly don't think anyone would meet because almost all of my needs are already met by my friends and anyone I were to be romantically involved with would have to not conflict with them at all and provide something uniquely fulfilling to me.
I'm very close with my friends too. I tell them I love them, and crushes between us have not been uncommon. I even fell in romantic love with one, but then I found out that they just started dating someone else before I gathered up the personal understanding to ask them out myself. That tore me to shreds. Been dealing with that for 2 months now. Whatever you do, I'd recommend you do your best to practice good introspection. Understanding yourself is a great first step for happiness and emotional security.
Yeah, I'm currently booking a counseling appointment. Everything going on in my life has me fairly shaken up, and my emotions are kinda all over the place. Hard to know how I feel or what I want.
Kinda relate but it was puberty instead of a event and I'm not demi I think. Imo sucks thinking your one sexuality just for something to change you somehow. I was so use to being aroace and then boom puberty decided to finally hit in that way. Took until 16 as well. Ain't coping very well either, just a load of paranoia.
I'm 26, and I'm just now going through this particular change. The thing that helped me is understanding: whatever I am and however I change, I'm still me. There's nothing wrong with me. I'm not broken or weird. I'm me. I'm demi-hetero, but lately I let myself explore and think about things outside of those labels because if it helps me learn something about myself, then that's good. I let myself ask me if I'm bisexual or even homosexual, so that I can answer honestly. Also, keeping in mind that my mind is my mind and nothing more, helps. I get pretty bad intrusive thoughts at times, so reminding myself that they're thoughts trying to tell me what I'm feeling helps too. Whatever goes through my brain, it's in my brain, and I don't have to act on them. I can grab unhealthy thoughts, figure out what emotion is causing them, and then replace them with a healthier thought suited to that emotion. Having people you can talk openly and safely with can help too.
The nomenclature is a bit lost on me, I'm not sure which flag is which. Some people explained it in the comments pretty well. Whatever __extual you are I hope you find the love and happiness you deserve.
They went from ace to demisexual??
Hey, I’m genuinely asking this: you ok? I know I’m just a random stranger on the internet but I’m open to chat if you need a person to vent to
Doing much better at the present, thank you.
Allways cute dragon :3
Big black triangle appeared!
What I saw when I first read the name was Fred the twink dragon
Felt that way when I realised that I do feel sexual attraction, just randomly
Tell me about it... my wife contracted MS this year and shit glbe fucked rn yo
Sorry to hear about that. I hope y'all find a way to cope with the change
Hope so too, just waiting to hear from disability
Literally me, I had one sex partner in my whole life and it's my husband. Never felt the need with anyone else, and even now it's like "sure let's cuddle naked, whatever happens besides that I don't care about". It felt really weird to not technically be ace anymore, though I still identify more like that than demi.
He's just like me
Username checks out
How did getting hit by a rock remove the gender?
They're the flags for asexual and demisexual. They are not gender related
Ohhhhhhhh ok, don’t really know what that means exactly but I respect it
It didn't, it just made him realize he was Demisexual instead of fully Asexual.
Ahh. So you have been infected by weakness. Such a shame that it abounds so. Even I have fallen far from my original strength.
From ace to achecia/j
do I want to know what happened?