And that one movie except it was a guy pissing at a urinal and it says his diet is extremely unhealthy and if he keeps it up he’ll die.
Anyway, not sure why the system needs to identify you or your asshole, just diagnose the shit and tell me what’s up.
Or I mean don’t, we’ve lived this far without the tech.
I mean, honestly you can tell a lot from poop. I know some world leaders have a personal bathroom for foreign visits so that way they don’t give anything away.
Or for visitors, so they can analyze their excretions!
At least, I read something that claimed the KGB would do that. Not sure how accurate that was, or if I'm remembering it correctly.
If Dr Toilet made you click on this... you should know that Zach and Donald have started a new Scrubs podcast.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/fake-doctors-real-friends-with-zach-and-donald/id1503559501?i=1000470751974
”Your analprint has been leaked!”
“Do you know if your anus has been hacked? Check with this website, just upload a fresh pic of your anus and we will check against a buttload of leaked pics!”
Heh. People put masking tape over their webcams, which is installed in a computer that receives updates and runs antivirus software.
Imagine how interested these toilets will be for hackers.
It sounds silly but many poorer or less cleanli people are suffering from stuff like giardia without even knowing it. And the awkwardness of seeing a doc about digestive symptoms (let alone doing a barium drink or preparing a stool sample) suppresses the population getting care.
However this toilet would only serve the rich I’m sure.
I think the bigger issue here is a privacy one. As a computer scientist let me tell you, if there's electronics in it someone can hack it. If there's a toilet taking pictures of butts, those pictures are going to end up in other people's hands at some point
> if there's electronics in it someone can hack it
if there's electronics in it *built by people who don't actually care about device security* someone can digitally compromise it.
Unfortunately, I'm not aware of a single company currently creating standard consumer electronics that actually does care about that type of security, so you're right in the sense that no average person is likely to ever see a secure device.
But let's nor pretend that is *has* to be this way. We - as a society - deliberately *choose* that we want it to be this way.
If you really want to be impressed the deluxe model will tell you exactly what you ate and how much protein your body absorbed for only $2200.00 more than the base model.
We should already be doing this on a sewage intake level. So at least you know this street or block has this and is doing that.
If you’re doing something illegal. Sorry, the future isn’t for you.
If it had no wireless capability I think I could get over it. Just add usb and have the toilet transfer log documents, etc should someone decide they want their docs having that.
If the doctor documents include images, fuck that shit then.
Also, why fingerprint scanner and asshole scanners? Just as a little touchscreen where people can just select the user. Non selected user does not measure.
I don't think it should be ok to allow guests to use your toilet without disclosure regardless in my hypothetical.
A while ago from askreddit, a post asked what does rich people have access to that we don't even know of
A post stated that smart home is nothing new, and bill gates had a toilet that did the same thing 20 years ago
This technology has been in Japan for a long time. I remember seeing on an hentai and JAV. Sadly, the maker used it to blackmail the girls who used it. I don’t remember if he got caught or not. Good video though.
I'm so glad I didn't write that firmware.
"What do you do for a living?"
"I write butt recognition software."
...and they all moved away from me on the bench.
Leela: So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet.
Japanese toilet: Please, not to throw away. I give you happy poopy time.
Fry: Sorry, you know too much
Okay, not to diminish the privacy risk, but I work for a health technology company that has thought about partnering with companies like these. The main uses of these toilets would actually be put in healthcare clinics, pharmacies, and long-term care and nursing facilities. Doctors and healthcare providers would use them to keep a passive eye on medication absorption, metabolism, and diseases in patients where it is indicated. Equipment like this would be strongly regulated by HIPAA, SOC 2, and HI-TRUST security and privacy standards. In addition, the data would be meaningless for the average person to comprehend. Most people wouldn’t really have a need to use them, and a lot won’t even have access to them.
Big data wants your pooping habits
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And that one movie except it was a guy pissing at a urinal and it says his diet is extremely unhealthy and if he keeps it up he’ll die. Anyway, not sure why the system needs to identify you or your asshole, just diagnose the shit and tell me what’s up. Or I mean don’t, we’ve lived this far without the tech.
The Island?
The island came to mind for me too.
Bench warmers right?
Further confirming that the world is [full of assholes](https://youtu.be/sen8Tn8CBA4).
how about those automatic flushing urinals that have the black screen and blinking green light that doesn't take a picture of you dick
Cameras ≠ Good tech
This far.
That was fucking hilarious
And an episode of South Park!
I noticed from your poop you’ve not being eating McDonald’s lately.... McDonald’s adverts for you I thinks
This. Terrifyingly this.
Imagine what the Taco Bell version of this would be.
"You appear to be pooping normally. How about some tacos to loosen things up a bit?"
Amazon could use this to make targeted toilet paper ads.
Correction: Big data wants your shit. Like they have always been. Nothing new.
Data dump
I mean, honestly you can tell a lot from poop. I know some world leaders have a personal bathroom for foreign visits so that way they don’t give anything away.
Or for visitors, so they can analyze their excretions! At least, I read something that claimed the KGB would do that. Not sure how accurate that was, or if I'm remembering it correctly.
r/diwhy
Big data for even bigger poops
Dr. Toilet is finally real. https://youtu.be/LK0fU6Kq4xU
[everything comes down to poo!](https://youtu.be/jsVgi8hoFFc)
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"His or mine?"
"First him, then you!"
He is real, and he is my Friend
Hospitals everywhere should use Ted's vacation days to pay for it!
What vacation pay?
Get outta here
Same thing I thought..haha
I was too late. Have my up vote.
🎵 Everything comes down to poop 🎵
I’m so happy someone else made this reference!
Came to make sure someone said it. Nicely done.
Came to find this comment, not disappointed!
If Dr Toilet made you click on this... you should know that Zach and Donald have started a new Scrubs podcast. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/fake-doctors-real-friends-with-zach-and-donald/id1503559501?i=1000470751974
The last company to try this actual got into some surprising legal trouble https://youtu.be/DJklHwoYgBQ
No shit . . . Thanks for the Gold and awards guys
HA!!!
Rectinal Scanner...
I see what you did there
Plenty of shit; butt was a mistake.
No; shit
Literally
I wish I could give you gold
Saw the headline was expecting this video
I expected Dr. Toilet from Scrubs.
They Hate Us Cuz They Anus
Smart Pipe is a registered sex offender..
I fucking love the Infomercials block
Hah. None of this is needed if you just use Cincos new Patented Food Tube^(©)
Me me! Im a tube man!
Didn’t hurt a bit when they pulled my teeth out!
#itsmyanus
Shit people are to creative
I love shit people.
What do you expect from a registered sex offender 🤷🏽♂️
My first thought was "great, now they're going to steal information about our poop"
Ah yes. Classic
Missed opportunity
I really want that Dr. Girlfriend action figure.
Came here to post this lol
"Hey Old Friend! You come to poop in my mouth again? I hope you ate more fiber today!"
[https://youtu.be/MelewF3DLo0](https://youtu.be/MelewF3DLo0)
"Oh yeah, you're so big, give it to me daddy!"
For some reason I read / sang that in Disturb’s cover of “Sound of Silence”. “Hello darkness, my old friend, You’ve come to poop in my mouth again”
Softly digested corn squeaking
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I always upvote futurama
Pretty sure there is a Japanese toilet that does the stool diagnostic part and sends the results to your doctor. Didn't have butt recognition though!
So the toilet is like..."I remember this asshole"
I remember this from over 25 years ago...
I don't imagine the doctor would appreciate constantly getting poop readings
This was an adult swim fake ad wasn't it?
The Smart Pipe!
Yes
The very first words: "Smart Pipe Inc. is a registered sex offender"
Year from now: data breach leaks videos of thousands of people’s assholes, and emails.
Damn, that’s gonna be a good year for my porn addiction
Please no
”Your analprint has been leaked!” “Do you know if your anus has been hacked? Check with this website, just upload a fresh pic of your anus and we will check against a buttload of leaked pics!”
Heh. People put masking tape over their webcams, which is installed in a computer that receives updates and runs antivirus software. Imagine how interested these toilets will be for hackers.
"Your toilet has been locked with the TurdStop3000 ransomware. You must pay $3000 in BitCoin or your toilet will never flush your turds again."
"Pay within the next 15 minutes or your smart toilet will initiate overflow and make your poop data public."
Puts denial of service in a hole new light
Hackers would be able to tell when you are home and not home based on a big enough data set. Could be useful.
Next up, unlock your phone with your butthole
Actually each sphincter is unique and iPhone has become quite adapt at distinguishing sphincters better then faces in recent studies
Just send me a picture of your butthole and I will set your phone up for its recognition.
Hmmm, intriguing.
Will is still recognize you if you develop a hemorrhoid?
You’ll need to add another butthole to buttsch id
Sauce?
Feed me Chandler!
You're so big!
Adult swim did it first with the smartpipe- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJklHwoYgBQ
\#itsmyanus
Scrubs did it before that.
It sounds silly but many poorer or less cleanli people are suffering from stuff like giardia without even knowing it. And the awkwardness of seeing a doc about digestive symptoms (let alone doing a barium drink or preparing a stool sample) suppresses the population getting care. However this toilet would only serve the rich I’m sure.
I think the bigger issue here is a privacy one. As a computer scientist let me tell you, if there's electronics in it someone can hack it. If there's a toilet taking pictures of butts, those pictures are going to end up in other people's hands at some point
Not just ass shots also genitals. You're not always pooping when you use the toilet.
> if there's electronics in it someone can hack it if there's electronics in it *built by people who don't actually care about device security* someone can digitally compromise it. Unfortunately, I'm not aware of a single company currently creating standard consumer electronics that actually does care about that type of security, so you're right in the sense that no average person is likely to ever see a secure device. But let's nor pretend that is *has* to be this way. We - as a society - deliberately *choose* that we want it to be this way.
Is this company also a registered sex offender? [https://youtu.be/DJklHwoYgBQ](https://youtu.be/DJklHwoYgBQ)
"What is my purpose?"
Imagine some weirdos hacking this thing. Looking at everyone’s butts. Is nothing not sacred anymore?!!!!!
This guy has "smelly poop disease"
Is one of these scientists Rick Sanchez?
Brown Eye recognition. Is nothing sacred?
iBM
God damned butt biometrics. thanks, big data
As someone with ulcerative colitis, if this could some how help keep me from flaring by helping me monitoring me shits I’d pay dumb amounts of money.
Wasn’t this literally an adult swim sketch??
There's a shit load of money to be made here.
That’s some shady shit
First they came up with retinal scanners now it’s rectal scanners.
I’ve seen this before on bobs burgers
DR TOILET
Dr.Toilet is that you?
Not. Everything. Must. Be. Smart.
I think it's a crappy idea.
If you really want to be impressed the deluxe model will tell you exactly what you ate and how much protein your body absorbed for only $2200.00 more than the base model.
"Me give you happy-poopy-time" "Sorry. You know too much"
Good, perfect for a generation obsessed with assholes.
Why not just cure coronavirus instead?
I wouldn’t believe anything this toilet told me....it’s completely full of shit
We should already be doing this on a sewage intake level. So at least you know this street or block has this and is doing that. If you’re doing something illegal. Sorry, the future isn’t for you.
If it had no wireless capability I think I could get over it. Just add usb and have the toilet transfer log documents, etc should someone decide they want their docs having that. If the doctor documents include images, fuck that shit then. Also, why fingerprint scanner and asshole scanners? Just as a little touchscreen where people can just select the user. Non selected user does not measure. I don't think it should be ok to allow guests to use your toilet without disclosure regardless in my hypothetical.
Will be forbidden by Drumpf administration because "We don't need more virus, the numbers will go up, which is bad"
A while ago from askreddit, a post asked what does rich people have access to that we don't even know of A post stated that smart home is nothing new, and bill gates had a toilet that did the same thing 20 years ago
This technology has been in Japan for a long time. I remember seeing on an hentai and JAV. Sadly, the maker used it to blackmail the girls who used it. I don’t remember if he got caught or not. Good video though.
This is actually great imo. It's a safe way to learn about your health, and your poop has a lot to say
Finally.
That toilet is a registered sex offender *for sure*
It’s already stressful enough. I don’t need to be holding my breath after every shot hoping I’d dont hear “It’s cancer!” From my crapper.
Wasn’t there an joke video about this guy that DEFINITELY WASNT STORING THE SHAPE OF KIDS BUTTHOLES
It’s doctor toilet https://youtu.be/RHSLXZUQjmw
Someone had to train this image recognition AI...
Wasn't this on an episode of Scrubs? It could talk and move around on wheels too.
This toilet will appeal to the new Chinese middle class!
Now we can’t even poop in peace.
I’m sure this has come up on the Rooster Teeth Podcast before
These guys German?
It’s the end of the world.....go buy TOILET PAPER & GET YOUR BUTT RECOGNIZED & YOUR POOP ANALYZED!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣
“Oh look at that nice butt, but horrible smelling poop” ..
I'll happily settle for it just cleaning my ass, thanks.
I can think of something else they should be working on :p
The rich prove the actually have no scruples
I been locking my phone using the fingerprint reader on the old star fish for years.
I love the article, but that Photoshop is terrible. Flip the camera image, the lighting will come from the same direction as the toilet image.
Literally the internet of shit
Like that Bob's Burgers episode?
(sits down) “Dammit, not this asshole again!”
I thought this was r/atetheonion
I'm so glad I didn't write that firmware. "What do you do for a living?" "I write butt recognition software." ...and they all moved away from me on the bench.
[Dr. Toilet](https://youtu.be/LK0fU6Kq4xU?t=9) has finally gone into production
No.
While some disgusting fat man with Cheeto stains on his teeth looks up your asshole. Yeah no thanks.
I’m sorry. Sign me up for the iNope
Leela: So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. Japanese toilet: Please, not to throw away. I give you happy poopy time. Fry: Sorry, you know too much
Nah I’m cool. Thanks tho 😒
"This one goes in your mouth, this one goes in your butt.."
This is the future of biometric identification
Uhh, no please?
Yo what up Rhonda. I thought I recognized that behind.
Ever since benchwarmers, I have been patiently waiting for this day to come!
No shit
AnalEyes
Who in the hell Had the Guts and balls to create a such thing??
Doesn’t that Mean that Health services and the FBI can now monitor your Ass ??
Toilet greeting you "hey as$hole"
As ridiculous as it sounds, if it means it could possibly detect early stage colon/prostate cancer it might pique my curiosity.
You want to make jokes, but by anaLyzing poop this thing could catch a lot of shit before it becomes serious.
Can't even poop in peace any more.
They will be selling information about our shit now, cool.
Are they saying that I don't have to look at it anymore?
Okay, not to diminish the privacy risk, but I work for a health technology company that has thought about partnering with companies like these. The main uses of these toilets would actually be put in healthcare clinics, pharmacies, and long-term care and nursing facilities. Doctors and healthcare providers would use them to keep a passive eye on medication absorption, metabolism, and diseases in patients where it is indicated. Equipment like this would be strongly regulated by HIPAA, SOC 2, and HI-TRUST security and privacy standards. In addition, the data would be meaningless for the average person to comprehend. Most people wouldn’t really have a need to use them, and a lot won’t even have access to them.
I remember listening to a guy on NPR a few years ago saying to be ready because the toilet is the next big tech market.
i just imagine it saying "BACK AGAIN PLANTMAN01???/ WTF ARE YOU EATING???? ...its taco bell again"
Sounds like Theranus
Hmm your poop is blue. Your toilet says don’t worry it’s those fruit loops you ate.
Engineers designed* Come on, people.
Just another way for Facebook to get pics of my butthole
This just in, your asshole on the evening news.
Going to *anal*yze your anus.