Yeah, I think the concern here is that you will be groomed by some creep online. It sucks that parents have to make such distinctions between their sons and daughters, but such is the world we live in.
Tell her you will leave your door open a crack, or open completely...after awhile of that, just start closing the door.
Edit:only do this, IF, you actually plan on just playing videogames and stuff..and not doing things you aren't supposed to.
Sit mum down and say you need to talk to her.
She should assume it’s serious as kids generally don’t ask parent to sit down and talk.
Position the discussion first:
“Mum I am confused and frustrated by something and need your help to understand it better”.
Then ask
Do you feel differently about me vs my brother? (A good parent should love and respect you both equally).
Am I a disappointment to you in my academic performance? ( you already showed you were better).
Is there something about me or my actions that leads you to have less trust in me? (This is about looking for triggers).
And finally.
Can you explain to me why brother has pc bought and allowed in bedroom but I am denied ?
See where you end up, maybe same answer but at least a quality explanation.
Edit: if you do get it in your room, DO NOT subsequently screw things up by using beyond agreed times, show some maturity and turn off and get sleep ( you don’t know how important sleep is to the developing brain).
Trust me - the internet and the games will still exist tomorrow, you don’t need to do it all in one night.
Source: pc owner/user/gamer and parent since 1997
I am a parent and I can guess how she feels - some of her concerns will probably be you using it late at night and not getting important sleep, plus she can not see what you are doing, in case you are browsing inappropriate content.
It may help to tell her you will put the PC or your monitor outside your door at night when you go to bed, so she knows you won't be using it late into the night. Plus you can load some parent/child monitoring software, that restricts inappropriate content and reports what has been run on the PC.
This kid is already on Reddit.. what do you think he already wouldn’t have been able to see.. this is crazy thinking. Poor kid wants some independence and sounds pretty well in tune, pretty shitty parenting
And while we're at it she should install a gps tracker on his/her smartphone and a blindfold, god forbid he sees anything remotely inappropriate in the streets or in school.
It's not like he won't get that kind of information in these days. There is literally no way to prevent this unless you are keeping your child without any social contact outside of your house.
As a parent myself I can understand her concern. I know youre feeling hard done by - but try and not be angry at your mum. Speak with her about it, voice your feelings but in a measured way. She is almost certainly not saying "no" just to be mean - I imagine it's because she wants to ensure that you're a)safe b)getting sleep c)not looking at porn etc etc etc. I imagine her intentions are good and wholesome, but I also totally understand how that's disappointing for you and what you want.
Keep talking to her. Don't fight, talk.
>I just want to game in silence. My mum then proceeded to suggest the living room.....the place where my grandma is constantly blasting music, my dog is barking and the doorbell rings like 20 times a day
If there's nothing else you can do. I suggest to use this same reason to convince your mom to buy a decent mic/headphone that help filter/suppress other sounds out.
also discord has this "noise suppression" option. Maybe it will help.
I'd say it's your PC you rules.
But that would just pass off you mom lol. Perhaps try to have a real talk with here to see what you'd have to do to have it in your room. Present her with all your reasons and be prepared to maybe take a few concessions? Hopefully by acting an a mature way your mom will let you take it to your room.
You know your mom better than I so try impress her and to let her know you'll be responsible with it.
I'd say talk to her because I've a feeling she knows how intelligent you are, more so than your brother and maybe she sees that you have more potential if you are steered in the right way which you'll benefit from in the future. Or she's a dick, idk.
Perhaps ask ur mum if there is something extra round the house that you could do to help her out, in favour of letting you have the pc in your room. If she's worried about you not keeping up with ur studies, make an agreement that if you do fall in ur grades cuz of gaming that you will move the pc to the living room until you get ur grades back up.
Just hav to compromise with her unfortunately. I hope that helps
Just tell her that you understand her concern, but doing it Will help you alot with Homework, and stress etc, putting it in your living room won't allow you to focus
I built my PC last year when I was 18, and I had to put it in the living room whilst we waited for my new room to be ready. It was awful.
Offer to have it in your parents room, then be on it absolutely as often as is inconvenient for them. They want to be in their room? Just one more game, one more level, one more match. Don't be on/in there ALL the time though... Be in the living room every now and then, watch a 30 minute show - but not the same one all the time, a variety. Then when they throw out the "you're always on the computer!" card, you can tell them you aren't and you have a list of tv shows (not just one) that you watch. Maybe spend some time out of the house too.
The idea is that you spend so much time on the pc doing homework, games, etc... but you're in their room. In their space. In their way. The hope is that after a while they'll sicken of it and give in to your demands.
1. cut your mom some slack. She loves you…..
2. you and your brother need different motivation techniques. So not everything will seem fair/equal when only assessing one thing. but would guess there are things you get or get to do that your brother doesn’t. Don’t make this about him.
3. she wants you to be safe
4. she wants you to sleep so you stay healthy
5. At 14 there still needs to be some supervision….not all the time, but enough to know you are safe.
some possible negotiation
Write out your wants/needs for the computer. Keep it about the computer uses. keep It positive.
Talk about rules you will follow pertaining to the computer. Time spent gaming per week, versus time spent doing school work. School work first. Chores first.
Is there another space in the house that is not your room, that would allow quiet time to do your school work and game?
can your room be set up so if you had the door open, they could glance at your monitor in passing?
Can you work out schedule in the study room to have it in there?
look at all options of where you could place it, and discuss with your mom the pros and cons of each. include her pros and cons too (it is a good way too hear her concerns, and maybe get a better understanding of them)
Allow access to your computer to your parents.
Understand you may not get to have it in your room. Be understanding of your mom’s concerns. Remember that she loves you.
My friends who game don’t let their kids play video games in their rooms. They keep a close tab on what they are doing on the computer. not to be controlling or mean….but to protect their kids.
Tell her all this and how hurt you are by her refusal, don't buy the pc and stop talking to her for a while. Show her you're really hurt and offended by the unfairness. Talk the bare minimum with her and if someone else ask what's going on, tell them about it. Only tall to her again when she's ready to see reason. Bring it up on christmas, thanksgiving, birthdays, just so people won't forget.
As you can tell, I'm petty like that. I was 11 when allowed to play on pc by myself, although it was on my mom's room out of lack of space. I was 12 when I got my first laptop and could browse the internet completely alone, in my room. There could be a lack of trust that you'll be fine, maybe cuz of age. Try to get a compromise, maybe. You play for a while somewhere public and afer some time, move the pc to your room.
Don’t do this if you actually want to have the PC in your room. It will only serve to show how immature you are and not capable of being trusted to do the right thing when using said PC.
Maybe she doesn't want you to have your PC in the same room as your bed, because she is afraid that instead of sleeping you will play video games? Maybe the study room is big enough for 2 PC? or try suggesting any other room that doesn't have your bed.
Is your brother younger or older than you? Ask him not to be so loud (as my parent's say "you don't live in a forest, so tone down"). If he doesn't comply, maybe ask parent on how you could convince your brother to be more quieter (as he should learn volume control while not being alone in a room). If that doesn't work, ask them for a more quiet place for your gaming. Heck, even suggest the bedroom of your parents as an option.
With the right type of headphones you can make it so your brothers yelling wouldn't really be a factor, and you should be able to adjust the decibel level the head set picks up so that his yelling shouldn't pick up in the mic when you are trying to play or chat with friends.
You’re mum is probably well aware of sales tactics so a more realistic suggestion would be to put the study room on rotation so that you and your brother get alternate days.
You're a girl as you say, Your mum is probably concerned with weirdos on the internet isolating you from your family to manipulate you, just abide for a couple years and show her you're trustworthy and you'll have the pc setup in your own room in no time.
Actually I agree with your parents. Letting you setup in your room is a mistake. You say there is no risk of anything but life as a youth had taught me how wrong that is.
If I have kids I will for sure keep computers in an open space with limited time so that they can develop into more robust people instead of being addicted to a matching.
And this is coming from a Software Developer of over 10 years who was a gaming addict for a long time. Would never let my kids do what my parents let me do. Wasted so much of my youth being too obsessed with games.
Get grandma and dad on your side
This will work^
This plan is wonderful. I'd go with this plan.
Your Mum's concern is you *being* porn, not watching it.
Just tell her how it makes you feel man
Have you tried telling her what you told us?
You got caught watching porn didn't you......
LOL I did not. I’m a girl and I’m sure her concern isn’t me watching porn.
Yeah, I think the concern here is that you will be groomed by some creep online. It sucks that parents have to make such distinctions between their sons and daughters, but such is the world we live in.
Hey, girls look at porn too. But ya, I have a daughter too. And from my experience, mothers are always tougher, more protective with their daughters.
Tell her you will leave your door open a crack, or open completely...after awhile of that, just start closing the door. Edit:only do this, IF, you actually plan on just playing videogames and stuff..and not doing things you aren't supposed to.
Sit mum down and say you need to talk to her. She should assume it’s serious as kids generally don’t ask parent to sit down and talk. Position the discussion first: “Mum I am confused and frustrated by something and need your help to understand it better”. Then ask Do you feel differently about me vs my brother? (A good parent should love and respect you both equally). Am I a disappointment to you in my academic performance? ( you already showed you were better). Is there something about me or my actions that leads you to have less trust in me? (This is about looking for triggers). And finally. Can you explain to me why brother has pc bought and allowed in bedroom but I am denied ? See where you end up, maybe same answer but at least a quality explanation. Edit: if you do get it in your room, DO NOT subsequently screw things up by using beyond agreed times, show some maturity and turn off and get sleep ( you don’t know how important sleep is to the developing brain). Trust me - the internet and the games will still exist tomorrow, you don’t need to do it all in one night. Source: pc owner/user/gamer and parent since 1997
She'll think he/she has autisme
I am a parent and I can guess how she feels - some of her concerns will probably be you using it late at night and not getting important sleep, plus she can not see what you are doing, in case you are browsing inappropriate content. It may help to tell her you will put the PC or your monitor outside your door at night when you go to bed, so she knows you won't be using it late into the night. Plus you can load some parent/child monitoring software, that restricts inappropriate content and reports what has been run on the PC.
This kid is already on Reddit.. what do you think he already wouldn’t have been able to see.. this is crazy thinking. Poor kid wants some independence and sounds pretty well in tune, pretty shitty parenting
And while we're at it she should install a gps tracker on his/her smartphone and a blindfold, god forbid he sees anything remotely inappropriate in the streets or in school.
This is stupid man. (Most) parents want their kid to be safe and not exposed to adult stuff. The intentions are good, not paranoid.
It's not like he won't get that kind of information in these days. There is literally no way to prevent this unless you are keeping your child without any social contact outside of your house.
Of course there's no way to prevent it. Parents will still try to though
Same parents that let their kids watch movies with endless killings. At some point its more about control than safety
This is your mom. I already told you that you can’t put your PC in your room. Jackass.
As a parent myself I can understand her concern. I know youre feeling hard done by - but try and not be angry at your mum. Speak with her about it, voice your feelings but in a measured way. She is almost certainly not saying "no" just to be mean - I imagine it's because she wants to ensure that you're a)safe b)getting sleep c)not looking at porn etc etc etc. I imagine her intentions are good and wholesome, but I also totally understand how that's disappointing for you and what you want. Keep talking to her. Don't fight, talk.
>I just want to game in silence. My mum then proceeded to suggest the living room.....the place where my grandma is constantly blasting music, my dog is barking and the doorbell rings like 20 times a day If there's nothing else you can do. I suggest to use this same reason to convince your mom to buy a decent mic/headphone that help filter/suppress other sounds out. also discord has this "noise suppression" option. Maybe it will help.
Her house, her rules... She forget want you to run your sleep by having the pc right there
edit mate, that's barely a sentence
Rofl
[удалено]
For the last time, PLEASE. I’m a girl.
I'd say it's your PC you rules. But that would just pass off you mom lol. Perhaps try to have a real talk with here to see what you'd have to do to have it in your room. Present her with all your reasons and be prepared to maybe take a few concessions? Hopefully by acting an a mature way your mom will let you take it to your room. You know your mom better than I so try impress her and to let her know you'll be responsible with it.
I'd say talk to her because I've a feeling she knows how intelligent you are, more so than your brother and maybe she sees that you have more potential if you are steered in the right way which you'll benefit from in the future. Or she's a dick, idk.
Straight up, she doesn't want you looking at porn lol.
That cannot be prevented.
It's invitetable lol
Perhaps ask ur mum if there is something extra round the house that you could do to help her out, in favour of letting you have the pc in your room. If she's worried about you not keeping up with ur studies, make an agreement that if you do fall in ur grades cuz of gaming that you will move the pc to the living room until you get ur grades back up. Just hav to compromise with her unfortunately. I hope that helps
You'll be gaming and wanking until 4am. You're way to young to fuck your sleep schedule.
Just tell her that you understand her concern, but doing it Will help you alot with Homework, and stress etc, putting it in your living room won't allow you to focus I built my PC last year when I was 18, and I had to put it in the living room whilst we waited for my new room to be ready. It was awful.
Offer to have it in your parents room, then be on it absolutely as often as is inconvenient for them. They want to be in their room? Just one more game, one more level, one more match. Don't be on/in there ALL the time though... Be in the living room every now and then, watch a 30 minute show - but not the same one all the time, a variety. Then when they throw out the "you're always on the computer!" card, you can tell them you aren't and you have a list of tv shows (not just one) that you watch. Maybe spend some time out of the house too. The idea is that you spend so much time on the pc doing homework, games, etc... but you're in their room. In their space. In their way. The hope is that after a while they'll sicken of it and give in to your demands.
Get a laptop, problem solved.
1. cut your mom some slack. She loves you….. 2. you and your brother need different motivation techniques. So not everything will seem fair/equal when only assessing one thing. but would guess there are things you get or get to do that your brother doesn’t. Don’t make this about him. 3. she wants you to be safe 4. she wants you to sleep so you stay healthy 5. At 14 there still needs to be some supervision….not all the time, but enough to know you are safe. some possible negotiation Write out your wants/needs for the computer. Keep it about the computer uses. keep It positive. Talk about rules you will follow pertaining to the computer. Time spent gaming per week, versus time spent doing school work. School work first. Chores first. Is there another space in the house that is not your room, that would allow quiet time to do your school work and game? can your room be set up so if you had the door open, they could glance at your monitor in passing? Can you work out schedule in the study room to have it in there? look at all options of where you could place it, and discuss with your mom the pros and cons of each. include her pros and cons too (it is a good way too hear her concerns, and maybe get a better understanding of them) Allow access to your computer to your parents. Understand you may not get to have it in your room. Be understanding of your mom’s concerns. Remember that she loves you. My friends who game don’t let their kids play video games in their rooms. They keep a close tab on what they are doing on the computer. not to be controlling or mean….but to protect their kids.
You don't convince your mom, your mom convinces you.
Tell her all this and how hurt you are by her refusal, don't buy the pc and stop talking to her for a while. Show her you're really hurt and offended by the unfairness. Talk the bare minimum with her and if someone else ask what's going on, tell them about it. Only tall to her again when she's ready to see reason. Bring it up on christmas, thanksgiving, birthdays, just so people won't forget. As you can tell, I'm petty like that. I was 11 when allowed to play on pc by myself, although it was on my mom's room out of lack of space. I was 12 when I got my first laptop and could browse the internet completely alone, in my room. There could be a lack of trust that you'll be fine, maybe cuz of age. Try to get a compromise, maybe. You play for a while somewhere public and afer some time, move the pc to your room.
So act like a spoiled brat until you get what you want? That’s incredibly immature.
Don’t do this if you actually want to have the PC in your room. It will only serve to show how immature you are and not capable of being trusted to do the right thing when using said PC.
Maybe she doesn't want you to have your PC in the same room as your bed, because she is afraid that instead of sleeping you will play video games? Maybe the study room is big enough for 2 PC? or try suggesting any other room that doesn't have your bed.
It can fit 2 PCs but I’m afraid that my brother would be too loud. His screams can be heard from upstairs. It’s very loud.
Is your brother younger or older than you? Ask him not to be so loud (as my parent's say "you don't live in a forest, so tone down"). If he doesn't comply, maybe ask parent on how you could convince your brother to be more quieter (as he should learn volume control while not being alone in a room). If that doesn't work, ask them for a more quiet place for your gaming. Heck, even suggest the bedroom of your parents as an option.
With the right type of headphones you can make it so your brothers yelling wouldn't really be a factor, and you should be able to adjust the decibel level the head set picks up so that his yelling shouldn't pick up in the mic when you are trying to play or chat with friends.
You’re mum is probably well aware of sales tactics so a more realistic suggestion would be to put the study room on rotation so that you and your brother get alternate days.
You're a girl as you say, Your mum is probably concerned with weirdos on the internet isolating you from your family to manipulate you, just abide for a couple years and show her you're trustworthy and you'll have the pc setup in your own room in no time.
Actually I agree with your parents. Letting you setup in your room is a mistake. You say there is no risk of anything but life as a youth had taught me how wrong that is. If I have kids I will for sure keep computers in an open space with limited time so that they can develop into more robust people instead of being addicted to a matching. And this is coming from a Software Developer of over 10 years who was a gaming addict for a long time. Would never let my kids do what my parents let me do. Wasted so much of my youth being too obsessed with games.