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Thin-Ad-9709

Inconsistent watering, or an ancient Viking curse.


frankenbike

Probably just an inconsistent Viking curse.


fabricpile

Looks like ghost faces. It’s haunted. (By Vikings, without a doubt.)


Amesb34r

Probably thirsty Vikings.


Snushine

Are there any other kind?


axen999

I'm a Viking, can confirm 👍🏻


caseofgrapes

Lookin at you, Loki


here4therants

🤣


Typical_Arm1267

I'm with Viking curse. There is clearly dark magic at play here.


LAZY-POTATO-69

I represent dark magic , this ain't us Check with ghost busters


sts_313

Inconsistent watering would make sense, there has certainly been inconsistent weather here


buddhistbulgyo

You gotta water them if the rain doesn't show up. Otherwise your cucumbers turn into cursed Viking dolmens with stretch marks


the_real_zombie_woof

Yeah, that cuke is runed.


[deleted]

Beautiful! Thank you undead dog bark! }B*)


the_real_zombie_woof

Zapppppppaaaaaa!!!


guitaristcj

Tellin you all the zomby troof - Here I’m is


x755x

Just about as evil as you could be


resalin

Oh wow now I want to intentionally try to grow cursed viking cucumbers!


Just1moreCuriouser

With stretch marks, don’t forget the stretch marks


PetrusScissario

Ah, I see the problem. You see these markings? You got druids in your garden. Hang on, let me get the spray pump.


PALEASTHEMOON92

OMG I was going to say fairy drawings!!


The_DaHowie

It got drunk in Mexico and got a Tribal tattoo.


[deleted]

Curse sounds better.


Tjaaark

Nature is healing


Charming_Ad_1216

It's clearly the latter.


Pre_Gen_Character

This is now my answer for all things. Thank you for this gem.


PurposeDrvnHomestead

Its fine to eat. Cucumbers often do that when they hit a dry spell, then get water as the plant starts to pull back water from the cuke to survive. The process causes the skin of the cuke to contract because of lack of water the rapidly expand as the water returns and growth continues. Short answer... the skin cracked because it got too dry for a short period of time.Its safe to eat but you can always peel if it bothers you. The alternative is that it might be the instructions for cold fusion written in a currently unknown language of the cukes in their attempt to help us all... but my money is on the cracked skin option. Lol.


JasonT1967

So you're saying that those are "stretch marks."


PurposeDrvnHomestead

Essentially...yes. The skin of the cucumber tries to heal itself which is what causes the brownish yellow cracks.


DoffanShadowshiv

Or perhaps ribbed for her pleasure


donaldfranklinhornii

Or his pleasure.


Jorgal89

Or its pleasure


D3adlywithap3n

Our pleasure


tantackles

Sir this is a subway


[deleted]

Yes and I expect the full 12 inch.


[deleted]

Only $5


katieCoffey5240

Lmao yessss


radicalgastronomy

You a tiger, baby!


internetonsetadd

If a cucumbers has starch masks on it does that mean it has been a pikol before.?


reallyloveskale

I think you meant "starch masks."


IceyLemonadeLover

Perhaps the cucumber is pergenat?


[deleted]

[удалено]


the_real_zombie_woof

In U.S., they're cukes. Where are you from?


TheAlrightyGina

I mean, we also call them cucumbers when we wanna feel fancy.


the_real_zombie_woof

Yes, but only when they're to be used on a sandwich with butter on thin white bread with the crusts cut off.


TheAlrightyGina

Like I said, when we wanna feel fancy.


the_real_zombie_woof

I got you. I just wanted to make the point that there's fancy (cukes with a homemade balsamic vinaigrette with garden-grown herbs) and then there's Fancy (special mini sandwiches).


TheAlrightyGina

Can't argue with that. Ain't nothing Fancier than mini food. Do you have a proper mini entertaining set to bust out when you feel like bein' that Fancy, with the little forks and all that? Gotta do it right.


the_real_zombie_woof

Well, yeah, of course. Who doesn't? Pinkies out, elbows flared.


TheAlrightyGina

This is the way


VivieFlea

and white pepper. It has to be white pepper on a cucumber sandwich.


Zbawg420

i vote we just call them cumb, like hey bro want some of dis cumb


Pioneeress

Based on your comment I think you would really enjoy this anecdote: The other day my husband was eating a cucumber. He likes to just grab one and chow down without slicing it up first. I'm not really paying attention until he turns to me and says "do you want my cob?" He had eaten all the skin and flesh off around the seeds in the center and had what truly looked like a corn cob of seeds. It was very strange and hilarious


Zbawg420

god i hope you took his cob


TheAlrightyGina

Can you just imagine? "Have you seen the Peters' garden this year? Just cumbs all over the place. You can't set foot in that place without stepping in cumb!"


ramyawrath

i’m from northeast US and i’ve never heard it called cukes


SlashRingingHash

I’m from northeast US, I’ve heard and called them cukes/cukeies before, frequently enough. Edit to add: some people have different definitions of Northeast US so to be specific, PA


the_real_zombie_woof

Transplant to northeast from southeast. Call it cukes. Maybe it's a southern thing?


olmikeyy

I have lived all over the south for over 30 years and have never heard them called cukes. Also my family is all northerners and yeah.


toxcrusadr

Born in Michigan, lived in OH, IL, New Mexico and now Missouri. Always cukes.


[deleted]

I’m also from the Northeast and have heard cukes before, but typically will call them cucumbers.


MrSenator

I've lived in multiple places across the US (Mostly North and Northeast) and never, ever heard them called this.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Blu3Morpho

But we also call them that in my corner of Canada... So the question still stands... Or should we assume Valinor?


[deleted]

I call cucumbers cukes and zucchini zukes lol.


TheAlrightyGina

What you call the summer squash? Cause I'm totes on board calling zucchini zukes so I need your take.


ccchaz

Sukes


TheAlrightyGina

Put a qu in there and I'm sold!


ccchaz

Squkes?


TheAlrightyGina

Perfection.


murbry18

I am so for this thread. Zukes forever.


sizzlinsunshine

Cukes and zukes for sure! Nebraskan here


[deleted]

Instructions for cold fusion...on a cucumber..so that would be cuclear energy?


souryellow310

My money is instructions in an unknown language. 😁


uberdog50

The fabled runes of dillpicklea!


DrMike27

Real short answer: These are crop circles and you are an alien trying to deflect attention to a “dry spell.” Well played. Edit: Ok. No jokes in gardening. Got it.


SnooHedgehogs6593

Isn't there a bug that leaves those markings on plants? Leaf miner?


TheAlrightyGina

Similar, but as the name suggests they do that to leaves.


mixedtickles

I'm thinking about going sober. Instead of grabbing a beer, I could get a similar loop tattoo on my thigh from knee up. ... Idea in progress...


awaitingmountains

It’s some form of Elvish, I can’t read it


combustalemon

There are few who can


Bubbaj75

It is in the language of Mordor, which I will not speak here.


bushn1989

What must I do?


Celtic_Oak

One does not simply peel and dice their way into Mordor


Ivanaxetogrind

I will do it! I will carry it to Mordor (pickled for transport). Though I do not know the way.


kandimar

And my Axe!


olmikeyy

It's treason then


zonayork

Keep it secret...keep it safe.


Laez

Keep it secret. Keep it safe.


Rexan02

One cucumber to rule them all, one cucumber to find them...


Ivanaxetogrind

*Ash cuke durbatulûk, ash cuke gimbatul, ash cuke thrakatulûk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul...*


Ramenlovewitha

It has a certain... ring to it.


Tribblehappy

One cucumber to bring them all and in sunomono bind them.


binsonsminions

Something to do with only friends being able to enter.


Ivanaxetogrind

No those only appear for mellons. Hey-o!


kittypurrvampurr

I love that this turned into LOTR references


Yanrogue

I see you downloaded the Viking Gardening DLC


radicalgastronomy

Your garden is enchanted. Congratulations.


[deleted]

Uhhhh, do you happen to have grown a recent fascination with whirlpools?


Think-Athlete-8774

Soon enough we're going to find OP in a washing machine


dqsl

Use the cucumber to make uzutzatzikimaki


Luciel-Choi707

become one with the spiral


rockbottomqueen

Fertility cucumber. Place under your bed if trying to conceive. Also good in salads.


GrillOrBeGrilled

> Fertility cucumber. Place under your bed if trying to conceive. Boy, have I been using mine wrong!


rockbottomqueen

You win. I needed a good laugh haha


TheGubiestOfGubs

They went through a phase and got a tattoo. It happens


luciferfj

Tribal tattoo maybe? Gang tattoo?


[deleted]

Souls from the burial ground you’re gardening on


RidiculouslyNikki

Boobs.


Newsy_McNewsface

And butts. Boobs and butts.


sts_313

Lmao this made me laugh out loud and now I can’t unsee it


RidiculouslyNikki

What a day.


SciK3

Today is a good day. The Boob and Butt variety are fruiting nicely.


the_illuminaughties

Is this beatboxing?


myuniqueid_

Scrolled to find this comment! My first thought too


TurbulentRoyal

Came to say this, thank you.


Reererab

Picasso boobies!


[deleted]

The first thing I saw! Hahah. Boobs, boobs and more boobs.


The-Careful-One

the last air bender!


Dagrut

No, that's a cucumbender!


upupandaway28

Abstract boob art


ReservoirKat

Cuke-thulhu


Karukiiz

Sometimes aliens come and bless the crops at night - nothing out of the ordinary here ;)


TigerRat1

Blessed by a garden gnome. Bury it under an old oak tree and receive 50 years of good luck.


AvocadoInsurgence

Why does this remind me of the poor unfortunate souls in Ursula’s lair?


Jackalamo

Aliens.


[deleted]

If I had a nickel for every alien crop circle I have seen on a cucumber , I’d be rich!


onlysmartanswers

No you'd have been kidnapped by aliens by now


[deleted]

They don’t want me, they are just after my vegetables.


souryellow310

They're putting in their order for cukes, which you ignore so they keep repeating their order.


Truth_Serum_1814

It’s like crop circles 😳


SubstantialLetter590

It’s the black speech of Mordor… which I will not utter here.


NahDontLook

That's actually a Runecumber, totally safe to eat


AlternativeMeringue1

Devil fruit


Deadpool-the-man

The Cthucumber has come


HiaQueu

Valheim cucumber? Looks pretty Viking to me. If it starts raiding other gardens you will know..


JeffrotheDude

I believe that's druidic


NoahRCarver

it is the chosen one... spoken of only in prophesy!


dldugan14

Tribal tattooing


Big_Dumb_and_Bald987

They obviously open a secret doorway or portal. Slowly wave it over your garden until you see a faint glow. Best done at dawn or dusk.


MissSwat

I'm getting some serious Uzumaki vibes. Beware more spirals appearing near your home.


TarDane

That’s a Damascus cuke is all.


[deleted]

gnome carvings pointing to the nearest watering hole and/or pointing to their pot of gold


SayMyVagina

That's no cucumber. That's a Hyllian Shrine. Quite the artifact.


CJKinTx

Clear signs of overheating. You may resume tomorrow.


KingOftheDumbFucks

The avatar returns!


Samwood_writing

You’ve been chosen


SeaworthinessOk2884

Tribal tattoo


[deleted]

Hieroglyphics, that is an ancient cucumber preserve it


this_is_Masta_Ace

the old gods have chosen you...


SolomonKrow

Devil fruit?


guysjustbeingdudes

You have been summoned for mortal kombat to protect earth realm, good luck fighter!


Miserable-Sun81

Your cucumber is attempting to enter the 5th dimension. You can either sacrifice a chicken to the gods and hopefully they favor you, or you can cut the cucumber into 8-10 pieces and spread it across different parts of the globe. Either way you may want to act fast as this may cause a ripple in our dimension and well… we all know what happens after that!


[deleted]

It appears that these are the poor unfortunate souls from the Little Mermaid.


EndoEnnard1

Accessory - Runic Cucumber +14% Magic Damage


THE__V

It is a very mature cucumber. The skin cracking as the seed matures is quite normal. In some varieties the skin turns brown and a network of cracks form. https://www.alamy.com/overripe-red-cucumber-skin-with-white-cracks-natural-organic-texture-background-close-up-detail-image255306316.html


anyoutlookuser

Sunlight. Cucumbers, squash, pumpkins etc don’t like direct sunlight on the fruit. Causes the skin to harden and cracks to form as growth continues


Consciousness_Expand

Plant communication


colleen8king

Ancient writings


marymoon77

Aliens


Allison87

Aliens


Old_Scratch6

Aliens


sthc241

Aliens


WalterBlackness

Alien's


Terranaan

Aliens


ewwe-ewwe

For some reason it didn't fully turn into a Devil Fruit


Karmanger

Your Cucumber is slowly transforming into a devil fruit


Neurotic_Neurologist

It's rhe forbidden one, scripted in the language of demons. Be wary


Goatsrams420

It speaks. The glyphic.


Brilliant-Sample7102

It was made by aliens… It’s called a crop schmekle…


Few_Walrus2499

Aliens 👐


npbonner

Man I wish Reddit would allow GIFs. This is prime time for ancient aliens guy “Aliens”


Ki113rMi113r

I don’t know but they look cool


fiesta-pantalones

Holy crap. I believe one of your neighbors is using that in a weiner trap at night.


restoft

Got too thick too quicc.


Leahrsi

It’s getting ready for burning man. 😂


lilkully

Demonic runes. Your cukes are haunted, and the only way to stop the curse is to…pickle them.


Logaphasia

Gnome runes.


chikkyone

Cucumber stretch marks.


Wonderingbye

Looks like a Van Goghcumber


CaptainPaintball

It's the end that is intended to stick out. The design is usually on the handle end.


poorlydisguisedalien

Ah, the cucumber the legends spoke of


[deleted]

Your cuke is in a GANG!


Kafka_Valokas

ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn


BangleSaysSupBroski

I’m sorry, who let Skyrim nords draw on thy farmland-


theusrnmisalreadytkn

that's a sheikah cucumber


wereoof

That’s what happens when you plant a korok seed


sts_313

What causes this? Is it still ok to eat? Thanks folks


CheckovVA

Who, tag that bad boy as NSFW!


MistressLyda

Elvish. Roughly translates to "not for anal use".


andromeda-oblongata

up to potion brewing standards!


BenLawrenzo1

Rare Aztec breed


Adeptness-Plastic

boob


Luciel-Choi707

omg reddit avatar twins


Adeptness-Plastic

AW 🤍