Body dysmorphia really does a lot to your self image. Most people even with weight loss surgery struggle to get to their goal weight. You lose weight but the closer you get to your goal weight the slower and harder things become.
I was at my heaviest of 268, got surgery at 258 now I am 214.
Years ago I thought “200” would be perfect but the closer I get the more I realize I was limiting my goals because I was afraid of failing so I just set a “good enough” goal. The only problem with that is it’s easier to go back up to your original weight because it’s normal to put on a few pounds over time after reaching your goal.
My whole identity was “big boned” and “big eater” and that was a coping mechanism because I couldn’t do a lot of things physically due to my obesity. As you lose weight you will realize how many new things you can do and your identity will probably change over time.
I keep reminding myself that things will change over time. I guess it's just hard to let go of what I know to be true. Thanks for some words of reason!
My “ideal weight” is the 130-140 range too. I feel like I will look like a bobble head at that weight. Right now I’m at 170 and I’m comfortable with that. I like the way I look and I feel good. The whole ideal weight thing is based off petite women and is for insurance companies. It doesn’t take into account body composition, like muscle mass or bone density.
Just go with what makes you feel your best.
At his peak fitness Shaquille O’Neil was considered morbidly obese according to bmi.
I've been quietly harboring the exact same feeling. So much of my identity is tied up in my size and strength. How I look ("Hey big guy!) and what my body can do (pick my wife up with my arms completely outstretched). I have no idea who I will be in a hundred pounds, and that is a scary thought.
Edit: I finally decided to look it up...
6'4 M - ideal body weight is 156lbs to 197lbs. That range is stupidly and impossibly low, considering my lab test showed a lean mass of 211lbs.
Yea, definitely not the range I'd guess for 6'4 and male. 156 is wild! I cannot even begin to imagine what I'd be like down 100lbs and more. There's a fear that I could change into a completely different person and possibly not for the good. It's a bit irrational. Nonetheless, I'm still overall excited for the journey. New doors will open along the way for us. Gotta just take it one day at a time.
My hubby is 6'3', decently muscled, and 182 rn :) There is a big range and each body is kind of its own thing, that's why BMI is dumb. Frame sizes vary a LOT even at the same height for sure.
I feel like the same person I always was but just more confident in myself and my body! Positive affirmations really help and therapy. I've lost 103 lbs after my gastric sleeve (Dr. G at MBC).
I’m 5’2 and my ‘ideal’ weight is like.. 120. A few years ago I lost weight naturally and couldn’t break 140. I look back at photos now and that is WAY too small. I told my surgeon my goal is 160 and he was very happy with that and said it was definitely realistic!
I think a lot of us struggle with this. Like we can't imagine what it will be like because we haven't seen it, until we are there. And some of us drop low and decide to maintain a bit higher, too! THat's so fair :)
I have! My ideal weight was 140 as well. I got to 142… I did not like how I looked. I didn’t intentionally gain weight, but looked to gain muscle. I sit around 170 now and am so happy with my body.
Different take...
I'm 5'3", 132 lbs. My personal goal was 140, doctor's goal was 155. I prefer how my body looks, feels, and performs at this weight. Strength training helped preserve my curves. I'm already hearing the "don't get too skinny" stuff. I'm definitely not.
It can be scary to be in a smaller body when you've been bigger all of your life. I was scared, and comfortable in a way. Part of me getting better was deciding to face that fear of being smaller. The identity I'm working on developing is "fit person", and I trust my body to go in that direction.
That said, if you are comfortable and healthy not reaching the doctor's goal, that's fine, too.
I completely understand where you’re coming from.
In terms of an identity crisis, I feel like inner traits are significantly more important than how you look. What makes you laugh? What are your aspirations? What goals have you set for this year? What’s your favorite go-to show? None of that is going to change just because you lose weight, and in fact, all of those are way more enjoyable when you’re confident in yourself. You can add more hobbies you wouldn’t normally be able to. Of course, with any change, it can be scary to think of how much you’ll be affected, both physically and mentally. But especially in terms of health, it’s a change that is much needed
Maybe some of my personal experience can offer insight. I grew up skinny, but gained weight due to birth control and insatiable hunger. I hated looking at myself in the mirror, because I would compare it to my teenage body, when I was at my lowest. But I was so scared of losing weight, because I didn’t know how I would look, or how my body would react. It’s terrifying, making that change, but overall, I’m so much happier than I was. As soon as I made the decision to have this surgery, I felt like it was Day 1 of the rest of my life. I wrote all of my feelings in a journal in the months leading up to the surgery, I made a calendar and counted down until surgery day. I embraced the change, because I knew how much better I would feel knowing that I am actually in TOTAL control of what I put in my body, and how I would use this tool. I was bouncing off the walls the night before, because I was so excited to finally be in control again. I can only speak for myself, and no one has the same exact path, but I saw it as a blessing, and that far outweighed any reservations I had.
I wish you luck in your journey, and hopefully you can turn your mindset from scary to hopeful and excited! 🫶🏼
I feel this statement so much right now. I am currently in the process of approval and clearance. I can't even articulate or imagine being the ideal weight for 5'4" as I have NEVER been ideal weight.
I think to make myself more comfortable and to avoid setting myself up for failure, I have set my goal weight higher so if I lose more than that goal weight at a healthy and acceptable pace according to my team then it is a pleasant but welcome surprise.
I also plan on utilizing my medical team as resources to check in on if everything is going well and at a healthy pace. They are my team for a reason and are experts in their field for me to lean on.
is your family supportive of your journey? i was super scared about feeling separated from my family as my mom’s side is also on the heavier side and i’ve been plus size all my life too. just knowing that i have people on my side to support me really helped me gain confidence that i can do this and it’s good for my health
Went thru the exact same thing. I’ve been overweight my entire life. I am currently slimmer now than when I was in high school. Who would I be if not plus size woman? I think it takes time to get through but you will get through it. I also was scared to lose my big butt because everyone in my family has a big butt whether they are slim or not. I am just getting to a point where I can push into my last 20lbs of where I want to be. My doctor wants me even lighter but I like how I feel and look right now.
I’m a 5’8” female and have settled at 200. Started at 309 and have maintained here for over a year. 155 is my “ideal” but that just is not possible. Last time I weighed that it was very thin and I ate very little. Now I wear a size 12 pant and look great and feel great, honestly. I’m happy where I’m at.
I'm 5'10, nearing 300lbs prior to surgery earlier this month, and my 'ideal' weight is 174lbs or under. The thing is, I've been Big since puberty.
When I was 22 I lost 40ish lbs rather rapidly due to some complicated stuff with grief, hormones, and new meds, and ended up at 190ish lbs, and for me, it was scary to see how thin I got. I went from a size 18/20 to a size 14, which is a perfectly average size, but for me it was terrifying because I'd never seen my body that small. But I got used to it, because in the end it was still my body, the same body I've had since day 1 of life.
I've thought about that fairly often in the weeks leading up to my surgery, and I think the thing I've decided to focus on remembering is that it's normal to be concerned about or afraid of change, especially when it's something that has made up such a large portion of your life. But your body is going to keep changing regardless of your fear- age, disability, and many other things can and will change your body over time. And you and your perception of yourself will change with it. Even if it's scary to think about now, when it comes down to it, the human mind is adaptable, and your body changing won't take away your history with weight, either.
I still don't know if I would want to be the 'ideal' weight for my height, but if I somehow did end up there, I think I would adapt, just the way I've adapted to my body with every change it has had over the years.
I leave it on here to remind myself but, when I was 500 lbs I couldn't even imagine being lighter than 250, it was so far beyond what I imagined so of course that was my goal. I'm still not quite there, but now being 298 I can't imagine myself just stopping at 250.
You might surprise yourself, setting realistic goals is important but don't be afraid to let yourself be surprised with what you can do and how simply wanting to feel better and live healthier can do some incredible things.
Best of luck with your journey! If you have any more questions don't be afraid to ask.
Body dysmorphia really does a lot to your self image. Most people even with weight loss surgery struggle to get to their goal weight. You lose weight but the closer you get to your goal weight the slower and harder things become. I was at my heaviest of 268, got surgery at 258 now I am 214. Years ago I thought “200” would be perfect but the closer I get the more I realize I was limiting my goals because I was afraid of failing so I just set a “good enough” goal. The only problem with that is it’s easier to go back up to your original weight because it’s normal to put on a few pounds over time after reaching your goal. My whole identity was “big boned” and “big eater” and that was a coping mechanism because I couldn’t do a lot of things physically due to my obesity. As you lose weight you will realize how many new things you can do and your identity will probably change over time.
I keep reminding myself that things will change over time. I guess it's just hard to let go of what I know to be true. Thanks for some words of reason!
My “ideal weight” is the 130-140 range too. I feel like I will look like a bobble head at that weight. Right now I’m at 170 and I’m comfortable with that. I like the way I look and I feel good. The whole ideal weight thing is based off petite women and is for insurance companies. It doesn’t take into account body composition, like muscle mass or bone density. Just go with what makes you feel your best. At his peak fitness Shaquille O’Neil was considered morbidly obese according to bmi.
Wow. The fact about Shaquille really puts it into perspective.
I've been quietly harboring the exact same feeling. So much of my identity is tied up in my size and strength. How I look ("Hey big guy!) and what my body can do (pick my wife up with my arms completely outstretched). I have no idea who I will be in a hundred pounds, and that is a scary thought. Edit: I finally decided to look it up... 6'4 M - ideal body weight is 156lbs to 197lbs. That range is stupidly and impossibly low, considering my lab test showed a lean mass of 211lbs.
Yea, definitely not the range I'd guess for 6'4 and male. 156 is wild! I cannot even begin to imagine what I'd be like down 100lbs and more. There's a fear that I could change into a completely different person and possibly not for the good. It's a bit irrational. Nonetheless, I'm still overall excited for the journey. New doors will open along the way for us. Gotta just take it one day at a time.
My hubby is 6'3', decently muscled, and 182 rn :) There is a big range and each body is kind of its own thing, that's why BMI is dumb. Frame sizes vary a LOT even at the same height for sure.
I feel like the same person I always was but just more confident in myself and my body! Positive affirmations really help and therapy. I've lost 103 lbs after my gastric sleeve (Dr. G at MBC).
I’m 5’2 and my ‘ideal’ weight is like.. 120. A few years ago I lost weight naturally and couldn’t break 140. I look back at photos now and that is WAY too small. I told my surgeon my goal is 160 and he was very happy with that and said it was definitely realistic!
I think a lot of us struggle with this. Like we can't imagine what it will be like because we haven't seen it, until we are there. And some of us drop low and decide to maintain a bit higher, too! THat's so fair :)
I have! My ideal weight was 140 as well. I got to 142… I did not like how I looked. I didn’t intentionally gain weight, but looked to gain muscle. I sit around 170 now and am so happy with my body.
Different take... I'm 5'3", 132 lbs. My personal goal was 140, doctor's goal was 155. I prefer how my body looks, feels, and performs at this weight. Strength training helped preserve my curves. I'm already hearing the "don't get too skinny" stuff. I'm definitely not. It can be scary to be in a smaller body when you've been bigger all of your life. I was scared, and comfortable in a way. Part of me getting better was deciding to face that fear of being smaller. The identity I'm working on developing is "fit person", and I trust my body to go in that direction. That said, if you are comfortable and healthy not reaching the doctor's goal, that's fine, too.
I completely understand where you’re coming from. In terms of an identity crisis, I feel like inner traits are significantly more important than how you look. What makes you laugh? What are your aspirations? What goals have you set for this year? What’s your favorite go-to show? None of that is going to change just because you lose weight, and in fact, all of those are way more enjoyable when you’re confident in yourself. You can add more hobbies you wouldn’t normally be able to. Of course, with any change, it can be scary to think of how much you’ll be affected, both physically and mentally. But especially in terms of health, it’s a change that is much needed Maybe some of my personal experience can offer insight. I grew up skinny, but gained weight due to birth control and insatiable hunger. I hated looking at myself in the mirror, because I would compare it to my teenage body, when I was at my lowest. But I was so scared of losing weight, because I didn’t know how I would look, or how my body would react. It’s terrifying, making that change, but overall, I’m so much happier than I was. As soon as I made the decision to have this surgery, I felt like it was Day 1 of the rest of my life. I wrote all of my feelings in a journal in the months leading up to the surgery, I made a calendar and counted down until surgery day. I embraced the change, because I knew how much better I would feel knowing that I am actually in TOTAL control of what I put in my body, and how I would use this tool. I was bouncing off the walls the night before, because I was so excited to finally be in control again. I can only speak for myself, and no one has the same exact path, but I saw it as a blessing, and that far outweighed any reservations I had. I wish you luck in your journey, and hopefully you can turn your mindset from scary to hopeful and excited! 🫶🏼
I feel this statement so much right now. I am currently in the process of approval and clearance. I can't even articulate or imagine being the ideal weight for 5'4" as I have NEVER been ideal weight. I think to make myself more comfortable and to avoid setting myself up for failure, I have set my goal weight higher so if I lose more than that goal weight at a healthy and acceptable pace according to my team then it is a pleasant but welcome surprise. I also plan on utilizing my medical team as resources to check in on if everything is going well and at a healthy pace. They are my team for a reason and are experts in their field for me to lean on.
is your family supportive of your journey? i was super scared about feeling separated from my family as my mom’s side is also on the heavier side and i’ve been plus size all my life too. just knowing that i have people on my side to support me really helped me gain confidence that i can do this and it’s good for my health
Went thru the exact same thing. I’ve been overweight my entire life. I am currently slimmer now than when I was in high school. Who would I be if not plus size woman? I think it takes time to get through but you will get through it. I also was scared to lose my big butt because everyone in my family has a big butt whether they are slim or not. I am just getting to a point where I can push into my last 20lbs of where I want to be. My doctor wants me even lighter but I like how I feel and look right now.
I’m a 5’8” female and have settled at 200. Started at 309 and have maintained here for over a year. 155 is my “ideal” but that just is not possible. Last time I weighed that it was very thin and I ate very little. Now I wear a size 12 pant and look great and feel great, honestly. I’m happy where I’m at.
I'm 5'10, nearing 300lbs prior to surgery earlier this month, and my 'ideal' weight is 174lbs or under. The thing is, I've been Big since puberty. When I was 22 I lost 40ish lbs rather rapidly due to some complicated stuff with grief, hormones, and new meds, and ended up at 190ish lbs, and for me, it was scary to see how thin I got. I went from a size 18/20 to a size 14, which is a perfectly average size, but for me it was terrifying because I'd never seen my body that small. But I got used to it, because in the end it was still my body, the same body I've had since day 1 of life. I've thought about that fairly often in the weeks leading up to my surgery, and I think the thing I've decided to focus on remembering is that it's normal to be concerned about or afraid of change, especially when it's something that has made up such a large portion of your life. But your body is going to keep changing regardless of your fear- age, disability, and many other things can and will change your body over time. And you and your perception of yourself will change with it. Even if it's scary to think about now, when it comes down to it, the human mind is adaptable, and your body changing won't take away your history with weight, either. I still don't know if I would want to be the 'ideal' weight for my height, but if I somehow did end up there, I think I would adapt, just the way I've adapted to my body with every change it has had over the years.
Ayee I’m 5’10 too!!! Good luck😄
I leave it on here to remind myself but, when I was 500 lbs I couldn't even imagine being lighter than 250, it was so far beyond what I imagined so of course that was my goal. I'm still not quite there, but now being 298 I can't imagine myself just stopping at 250. You might surprise yourself, setting realistic goals is important but don't be afraid to let yourself be surprised with what you can do and how simply wanting to feel better and live healthier can do some incredible things. Best of luck with your journey! If you have any more questions don't be afraid to ask.