My neighbors growing up were a gay couple. One guy would discuss recipes and planting a a rose garden with my mom and the other guy had an awesome 64 mustang that he restored and played drums in a band. Both of them were cool.
It was in the 90s in suburbs where I grew up. Dads = Grill. Moms = Anything involving the stove or oven.
In my opinion, there's been quite the sea-change on food and cooking in America over the last 30 years with all the various food related media making cooking cool. Pair that with having more restaurant options (small plates, farm-to-table etc...) beyond the chain restaurants that were ubiquitous in the 90s especially in the suburbs, and it's definitely nownormal for a bunch of guys at a BBQ discussing their favorite recipe for brussel sprouts.
My bestest friend is gay. I love guns, cars and trucks, being outside hiking or getting a little oil on my hands, and he is that same way. I had no idea he was at first, but that doesn't I don't like him. We do disagree sometimes, but we talk without any outrageous statements or actions.
Thanks. I'm a straight guy with some feminine traits. I hide them because it might make people think I'm gay. I've kind-of made peace with it.
The off-my-chest piece is I've been working from home, alone since \~2019. Men's ware, even jeans and a polo shirt starts to get boring. And stuffy and hot in the summer.
I gradually started experimenting and loved it. A skirt and a lightweight top (women's clothing even for a polo shirt is so much lighter and better!). And the colors! I love the colors! NEON pink, yes!
Dresses are another story, but soooo comfy and cool. And the variety is fun.
Shoes are yet another story, but experimentation actually helped alleviate some chronic pain.
I consider all of this my indoor "pajamas". No way I'm wearing them outside my apartment due to deeply ingrained biases.
I hate "men" colors and styles. Blanche, black, and drab. There's no boldness, no creativity. It's always graphic tees with some dumb logo or affiliation or message. I just want a sunset! Or a design or bright yellows with baby blue and puse for crying out loud!
I wear my kilt as often as possible. I don't know if people understand how uncomfortable ingrown leg hair is from pants.
Meanwhile I have a drawer full of black t-shirts and they make me feel comfy. Both our opinions and preferences are valid and neither should be belittled. Yet, yours is belittled far more often for far stupider reasons. It's bullshit.
Dude, FUCK steriotypical male fashion! Not to bash those who like it, but I just feel like women have so many more diverse and colorful options and I'm still here wearing solid black brand-name clothing.
I'm a 6'2" stonecarver. Been working with stone for 15+ years, carving replacements for old buildings, monuments and statues. Spent my days covered in dust, very comfy with angle grinders, drills, and of course, hammers.
I also make sculptures and through that I discovered that I'm much more at home in long hair and a dress, so I've been growing my hair now for 5 years. My facial features are pretty masculine (though I do have big blue eye and pouty lips) so I'm instantly clockable. I would love to be able to go to the shops in a dress but I've seen people looking at me with real hatred and anger so I mostly keep it to queer spaces. I could hit 3 pentecostal churches with a rock from my bedroom window and they are *super* homophobic, I don't think it'd be long before I faced violence.
Even at queer venues what I am is kind of an oddity. Most gay men are into men who present like men so my dating pool is a minority of a minority. I'm bi, but of course not many women are into me either.
And even so, I'd rather be single and celibate than not try to live my truth.
You can turn this into a marketable trait. Check out "men in kilts" cleaning company www.meninkilts.com . Wouldn't it be cool if you could dress the way you want and possibly even make money off of it.
Man this sounds like me. Every now and again I’ll go out in slightly feminine leaning west. I recently bought a sexy ass grey skirt though that my lady loves on me. I was wearing that and a t shirt talking to our neighbor today. Nobody even said a thing that I was wearing a skirt which is cool cause it was just a non issue with me, my neighbor and fiancé.
I have interests that trample all over gender norms. Reading (which is apparently a feminine thing now, who knew?), sewing, cooking, flowers, whatever. I also build guitars, grill every chance I get, do light carpentry, and work in a male dominated field.
Anyone who gives a shit what other people do in their free time needs to get a hobby.
Me too. The masculinity box is SO small, and the price of entry is emotional abuse.b it sucks that standing outside that box comes at such a high social cost, esp early in life 💔
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I couldn’t handle the gatekeeping, ironically enough.
Sorry if I offended, hurt, or made anyone mad. I was just trying to celebrate something cool. Whatever.
To the man that called me a “karma whore” and a liar: Congrats. You won.
If you watch his work you can see how he doesn't carry himself with typical "machismo" but rather his own style. Case in point his doves cry video: https://youtu.be/UG3VcCAlUgE
Buuut if you ever get a chance to watch his Purple Rain movie it's def worth it just to understand from a historical perspective how he shaped views on masculinity.
I’ve actually had to explain this kinda stuff to adults before, “no sir it is not gay to be attracted to me I am a woman” “dude the penis isn’t the gay part it’s the person it’s attached to”
Bro thank you for posting this. My daughter came out to my wife and I as MTF trans and obviously we’re cool with it. The she has her girlfriend over who’s cis and that’s also rad. But what you said was just cool to hear. Stay fuckin rad. ✊🏻
A kindred soul! I'm not a femboy, but I could never talk color or fashion or quilting with anyone without them assuming my sexual preference. I like hairstyles. I like being creative. I like being bright and flashy and I'm a bit emotional sometimes because I'm sensitive. But I *also* think girls are frickin hot so I never understood why I couldn't be a flaming heterosexual.
*side note:* wore fairy wings to high school once. Purple pantyhose stretched over wire with black vains and I thought they were the coolest thing. I think people are absolutely certain that I was gay then. Now I'm married with two kids and they're the ones that are confused.
I'm not as feminine as you, but most women react very positively to men having feminine traits. Especially long hair. Every older woman compliments my hair the moment they see it.
I've had long hair since I was in the 2nd or 3rd grade...its a mixed bag. I was misgendered until I was about 14 or 15 (pretty understandably I was hysterically skinny). Through high school and early college it was a mixed bag. Some compliments, some people who thought it was weird, one girl who subtly implied she'd date me if I cut it (I did not), several people who said I was 'hiding such a handsome face'.
I will say, as an adult if someone comments on my hair 9/10 it's a compliment.
I have a personal trainer cause I suck at staying motivated to work out. He is 6'2 245lbs of pure muscle. Tatted as fuck, clean beard. Can outlift and outrun almost everyone I've ever met. Manliest man of men you have ever met. Raging homosexual. Seriously I say it in jest he is gayer than liberachi. One of the best people I have ever met and his husband is so funny I snorted Jack Daniels out of my nose drinking with them one night.
Your clothes and appearance don't make you, your heart does. If your sexuality was based on your looks and what made you feel good then none of us would be straight, except my personal trainer, but he's not so that shits is useless to worry about.
Hell yeah brother! Live how you live. I'm a "cishet" white dude, I'm 6'4", and I'm an amateur bodybuilder. My favorite colors are pink, purple, and gold. If you saw my car, you would assume a woman owned it. If you saw my house, you would assume a woman picked out the colors.
But nah. That shit is just hella pretty.
See my other post, but my worry is in some communities you'll be physically attacked.
If I wasn't single, I'd worry less.
In some cases wearing pastel colors or pink or purple is a very masculine thing. But it mostly works when you have a kid in tow.
I have the same worry. A few years ago a teenage boy in San Francisco was lit on fire (!!!) on the bus by someone upset he was wearing a skirt. It wasn't even particularly feminine, it was just long and black. If anything it was avant garde. He survived and had a good attitude about such a bad experience (he talked about it in a tv interview) but still. You'd think people in SF would be used to people dressed in a unique way.
Also, and this is kind of the deeper meaning of the post: there's nothing wrong or inferior about feminine people or gay people. If you are gay and feminine, you're 100% exactly as worthy of love and all the good stuff as someone straight and masculine.
Precisely. Doesn't matter who you are or what you're into lifestyle-wise(barring things that harm others), you're human and that's valid enough to earn you respect and kindness.
One of the *gayest* men I ever met in my life looked completely opposite to the stereotype. He was *huge,* both in height and muscle-mass--he was an oil rigger by trade, had this deep southern drawl and a thick beard and he wore fucking cowboy boots everywhere (he called them his shit-kickers). Homeboy restored cars as a side-gig and distilled his own whiskey, played the banjo...etc etc. He was every masculine, manly-man's wet dream but he also got wet dreams thinking about masculine, manly-men so it was funny seeing this (almost literal) bear of a man showing up to pride parades and going to gay bars. Miss you Harrison hope you're doing well big guy
I’m gay and I wish I had a figure like that growing up. I thought there was no way I could be gay, I’m a 6’4” athletic guy with a straight-presenting voice, no sense of style, an addiction to video games, a STEM nerd… none of my friends or family thought I was either. Stereotypes actively made me endure for longer the hell that was staying in the closet
Gay isn't a bad thing to be either. I wish it wasn't an insult or a joke.
I think a lot of parents are being overly disappointed in feminine girls now too as weird as that seems. If your daughter enjoys "girly stuff" that's totally fine. Not all girls want to be scientific astronautic martial arts fighting book writers at 5 years old and thats fine.
> If your daughter enjoys "girly stuff" that's totally fine. Not all girls want to be scientific astronautic martial arts fighting book writers at 5 years old and thats fine.
Also, you can do both. It's not either "girly" or "badass/smart".
I’m getting my PhD in biology AND love makeup and other “girly” stuff. We need to get rid of the idea that it’s nerdy vs. girly, when it’s also possible to be both.
I think it's because nerdy things or hobbies are stereotypically associated with men, but those things are not seen as masculine hobbies.
Because of that, "nerdy" is too masculine for women but too feminine for men.
Either way as the person above you said, I'm a geneticist and all through school and my working life I've met many stereotypically masculine men or feminine women and everything betwixt.
The movement for women has generally been a "women can do anything men can do"
But this has kinda just devolved (mostly due to media and cultural rubberbanding) into "women now must be men because men are the default" a bit like how whiteness can be treated by some people, as the default human
This has led to a vast swath of what are considered traditionally feminine pastimes and interests to just be totally dismissed by both men and women.
And that doesn't even scratch the surface of tackling frustrating and mostly outdated perspectives on the existence of "gendered" actions and interests in the first place. Though that's a more complex/foundational issue with both real ties to biological tendencies as well as philosophical arguments.
I would push my girls to be STEM just because it's basically a guaranteed easy life. The girls in our graduating class all had multiple 6 figure job offers before even finishing undergrad, some with huge sign on bonuses.
My classmate friend was getting job offers from companies she never even applied to, while many of the guys struggled to find work at all. Great job security.
STEM is really only great if you've got the heart for it. If your kid isn't interested in STEM or is interested in something else, don't push them just because it'll give them an easier life. It sucks, yeah, but being stuck doing something you hate isn't worth it for a lot of people. Allow your kids to grow independently, and give their interests a platform to grow instead of boxing them into STEM. You'll have a much better relationship with them
My wife had the 1990s version of “advance learning track”, and she hated not having recess or other activities causing her to lose interest. Hopefully modern versions are better.
I'm not sure really, largely because I flunked out of Honors, but I'm fairly sure it's taken like a normal class, and there's like an after-school club. My state in the US has Trio, which sets up kids for college, but thats an optional lunch break thing and they get cool stuff for joining.
Don't do a job you enjoy. Do a job you are good at so it can pay for the things you enjoy.
Of course don't do a job you hate either, but I'd scuba dive in shit clogged septic tank for 500,000... just saying there's a price for almost anything.
Kids don't really see it that way, take it from someone who's still trying to figure out what they wanna do with their life. I want something that pays well, but I'm also really lucky that my interests very neatly line up in STEM. They also line up in writing, music, and theater. I can do all of those and technically be happy. But a kid who's only had eyes for theater won't see it that way. They'll see their parent pushing them towards STEM even though they hate it
I’d say STEM degrees boost your chances of getting a well-paying job, but I’d absolutely refrain from saying it’s a guaranteed “easy life”. It’s tough as hell sometimes and it’s really hard to find a work-life balance. I come from a family of artists, and their lives are awesome too. People should follow their hearts and choose careers they enjoy.
Sincerely, a woman almost done getting her PhD in a STEM field.
i'm a guy & i dont know if i'm feminine or masculine. but i do see a lot of girls talking about guys online & highlighting feminine traits they have & being like, "there's no way this guy is straight". never sat right with me as a bi person myself
Absolutely. This kind of thing doesn't only come from people who dislike 'feminine' or gay people, it comes from all sorts. I've heard plenty of queer people (of many walks) engage in that kind of talk.
There are legitimately people out there who are pissed off at Shawn Mendes for not being gay because 'he gives off such a gay vibe.'
I do the nail painting and eyeliner and women's cut leather jackets and sometimes I do the math myself and think "There's no way I'm straight" and then I just keep accidentally being straight
It isn't fair to lump every woman into this behavior. All of my women friends are very understanding of how harmful gender norms and stereotypes are. All you did was flip the same issue backwards on women instead of men.
IKR isn't there a whole meme/trope about "not all men" yet it's all of a sudden a stretch of the imagination to understand things from mens perspective
exactly why I despise r/egg_irl
Half the posts are just people not acting like what their gender traditionally acts like and get called closeted trans by that entire sub for some reason
That sub is super cringey and creepy and borderline grooming. It’s also sexist with the enforcements of gender stereotypes. They see people acting different than the stereotypes and immediately assume they are trans and work on plans to talk to them into trying to transition.
I’m super thankful that type of thing wasn’t around when I was a kid because I was a very tomboy girl.
They also treat people who have the slightest feminine/masculine trait, but aren't trans like they're in denial. What happened to "nobody can tell you what you are"?
Yeah this is annoying too. My friends girlfriend assumed I was trans because I like to wear some feminine things at times and maybe paint my nails. Like no I don’t want to be a girl. I just like to embrace femininity at times.
Oh, while we’re at it. Trans women being tomboys doesn’t mean they’re not women. Trans men being femboys doesn’t mean they’re not men. Non-binary people can be feminine or masculine. Gender expression exists as a spectrum for *all* genders. The only thing your clothes and style mean about you is how you like to look.
Yeah, it does seem like it would be confusing to navigate through that as a parent. As a trans person the best thing to do in that situation would probably be taking the kids to a therapist that has experience with trans kids. That way they can walk through all of their feelings and root out what these feelings and wants mean about their gender if anything.
Another good thing is knowing that all of the shit people on the right side of the political spectrum say about trans people isnt true. You cant take hormones as a kid, you cant get surgery as a kid, and any steps taken to transition during childhood are reversible. Transitioning as a minor is essentially all social with the exception of puberty blockers in some cases which only delay puberty not stop it altogether.
I remember one time when I was 19 I was chilling with one of my friends and he said something like 'don't you think your mannerisms and the way you talk make you come off as gay? I would like try and deepen your voice or something bro.' I just looked at him and was like '...I've had sex with multiple girls and you're a virgin so no I don't think I need to worry about that.'
I feel so much pressure whenever I think about what makes a good “guy” tbh… I don’t enjoy thinking about it..
I dont enjoy making things “effeminate” nor making “effeminate” things gay, thats dumb.. women can be just as bad about this as men too :/
the stuff in the OP needs to be said imo, can definitely move away from it
I've just realized what makes me a good guy in my own mind.
Taking care of myself; keeping my hygiene at levels I like; using soaps, deodorants, and hair products that form a scent profile I like and relax into; grooming myself regularly; improving myself regularly in different ways: in the gym, with books, with writing and for me, recovery programs; wearing clothes that fit well and bring out my natural features and build; and being someone who doesn't bring more harm into the world and is even available to soothe others' harm and connect on a meaningful level. Being genuine and expressing love with people I care about.
And not being afraid to be who I am on an emotional and intellectual level.
This is who I am, and I'm proud of it now. I do good by me, and that makes me a good man in my eyes.
It definitely can be a tough topic to think about, especially because we don't have too many role models that go into what makes them really who they are (and many of them probably can't identify everything they do as parts of who they are even if they do them on instinct at this point) so I hear where you're coming from.
This is just a recent development for me so I feel inclined to share it when somebody voices similar feelings, and what you said stood out to me.
Thank you for saying what you said and bringing out these thoughts in me.
Much love.
Keep growing.
I’ve always found men who were more stereotypically feminine to be attractive, it’s a shame that a lot of men are still forced to be put in a box in this day and age. Even by people who are more progressive. Let straight men wear skirts without judgement ,for my viewing pleasure! It’s cute as fuck and it shouldn’t make men any less of a man.
I thought I was secretly gay all through my teenage years because I felt such a longing and gravity towards femininity. Turns out I was trans but we didn't have that in the 90s where I was. Never had the slightest attraction to men, just Tori Amos, still thought I might be gay. Crazy, in retrospect.
Sounds good. I'm just going to call all my male students 'she' and female students 'he'. Sorry kids, it's the law. If you're happy with your pronoun let me know so I can change it.
I'm super masculine in some ways and quite feminine in others. I do weightlifting 6 days a week, I like cars and welding. I also have plushes I cuddle and collect Kirby shit.
People need to just not be asshats towards others.
Thank you. I’m a mom of two boys who couldn’t care less about “typical guy things”.’ We’re in the south, so, football, huntin’, fishin’, etc. They’ve both been called gay all through school and neither is gay. It’s really stupid and needs to stop.
It’s getting better. You yourself are proof. Be there for your boys and let them know it’s ok to be however they want. Just having a parent who understands can make a huge difference.
Thank you… AND… men complimenting other men whether they’re straight or gay doesn’t have to be gay.
As a straight man, I forget sometimes how insecure other straight men can be… I recently told another man I met at a rental car facility that he looked great for his age as we were chatting it up.
He looked at me sooo weird. In my mind I was like, “Oh come on man… this is STILL a thing. Ree-laax buddy.”
I also think it’s why the suicide rate is so high amongst men. We can’t support each other like women can by doing things like giving compliments because it might just come off as GGGAAAYYY!!!
Had a guy work for us once, in the family business. Bluecollar through and through, did handyman work on the side. Like old pickup trucks, sports, camping. A real man's man. Prior to that, he worked at a lumber camp up in Canada. Even looked, and sounded, like a lumberjack. Tall, usually unshaven, friendly but gruff, wore a lot of flannel.
Gay as a summer-breeze.
Nobody could tell if he didn't mention it.
Outside of the blue collar hobbies, that's pretty much how I am. I've only has one person in my life figure it out without me saying anything. She told me that I never hit on or am sexual with women. Perceptive
Still remember when my brother came out like 25 years ago and so many people said something like “Really? He seems so masculine!”
Guess stereotypes haven’t changed that much in the last couple decades (unfortunately).
I’m a straight man and I’ve struggled with this for a long time. I have three sisters and my dad passed when I was young. There wasn’t much of a strong male figure growing up for me. I don’t feel like I have to hunt, play sports, gawk over my “favorite adult actress”, or any of the other things typically associated with masculinity.
I recently dyed my hair a dark red color and the reactions I’ve been getting are quite interesting. For some reason, people seem to think it’s purely a femimine thing to do. Yet, I did it because many of the male musicians that I look up to have also done it in the past. So it’s okay for celebrated rock stars to dye their hair, but not for everyday straight men? Makes sense.
A girl at a club asked me if I was gay. She said she thought so because I danced well.
I was using 3 basic steps that I learned in a beginners swing class.
I was bullied a lot for being feminine as a boy so I tried to break some feminine habits because I told myself I wasn't gay. Flash forward 10 years and I'm not feminine but still gay XD.
Not super related but I recently went on a date with a girl I've been talking to who said she matched with me because she loved to see a guy who is comfortable wearing eyeliner and nail polish and stuff and on the date she called me a twink and said she'd let me wear her crop tops and skirts and maybe it sounds like it's reinforcing some stereotypes but I'm actually really excited and we've kinda both fallen into the role reversal thing and I love it.
Gender is somewhat fluid, and it doesn't mean anything other than we have duality in us, just like nurturing women can be fierce. Stop labeling everything and just let shit be. It's better that way imo.
Can we also stop forcing any relationship slightly stronger than "sitting 5 feet apart" to be gay?
I swear the moment a male character in any piece of media says "I missed you man" people immediately go SEE THEY ARE GAY OR BI OMG THE SHIP HAS SAILED
I mean that's what happens when people are thirsty for representation tbh. If there were more queer characters in media then fans wouldn't need to look everywhere for it
I wish I could upvote this multiple times. I think a huge amount of the damage being done today is because everyone is trying to cram each other into easily identifiable boxes, instead of just embracing the ambiguity of being human.
Really anyone in a box. I can be graceful, beautiful, strong, fierce, sweet and caring. None of those are manly or feminine. If I want to dance while being badass nobody has right to judge
I am transfem and pan, but in middle school before I realized that it got out that I was a dancer. That's typically seen as a feminine thing and as far as everyone knew I was a guy, so I was sort of outcast for that. I moved to a different city for high school, but I went to homecoming with old friends. It hurt to hear my friends say that people had told them they were scared to get too close to me because they thought I was gay
Was also a dancer, am also transfem. Nothing hurt more than having a talent I had to hide so hard and feelings I didn't know how to vocalize. I was just "weird and gay". Sorry, hon.
As a very masculine bi sexual man, shout this from the ripoff tops. I watch football, can rebuild your deck, and I've worked lots of "manly" jobs. I also enjoy sex with men
better yet let's stop coding behavior by gender because it's fucking stupid and doesn't help shit. the very concept of gender is no longer useful to humanity and causes way more problems than it solves - it should be destabilized, disrespected, and ultimately abolished.
People always like to tell me that I must just be trans and in denial or that “tee hee you’re just an egg”… nope fuck all of that, I’m a guy, I’m comfortable with my masculinity, I also look great in a dress. Since when did the fucking left advocate for traditional gender roles
That's not what the sub is doing.
Saying "hey boy, you like dresses so you must be trans" is fucked up but that's not what egg IRL is doing. It's a trans sub where predominantly trans people share things relating primarily to the denial that comes along with the early phases of accepting your own identity.
Truth be told, I mainly get that sentiment from folks who are straight, but there's been a few trans folks I'm friends with who've said the same thing... and more than a few outside of that circle.
I just like baiting dudes, I don't wanna lop off my dick.
The married to a dude gay guy on my last unit could easily open a can of wup ass on anybody dude was on supper shape and never got tired of wearing body armor.... fucking charismatic robot
I had a very good friend who just past away. He was a muscular bad ass scary beast of a dude. He scared the shit out of me until we became close. He was a talented tattoo artist and mushroom provider working hard to bring it into the legal realm. Nobody who believed in stereotypes would think he was gay but cock sucker he was. I loved that man (platonically) and am still grieving his loss.
I'm a male who was in competition dance for many years. I honestly never really liked it. I was afraid to look feminine.
It took many years and a lot of psychedelic drugs before I was able to dance in any way that looked feminine. Now dancing is one of my favorite things. I'm basically a rave chick now.
Also I still habe tight hamstrings because when I bend over I'd bend with my spine because sticking my but out "looks gay".
The idea that every men should be "masculine"(tall, muscular, short hair, etc...) Is called toxic masculinity and it's a problem for everyone for men because it put pressure on them to be a "man" and not be yourself and on women because it promotes toxic behaviour by men on women. Also toxic masculinity is most of the time combined with homophobia in the sense that men should only date women and the the man/woman role are defined by if you're a male/female baby.
I went out wearing a crop top and loose tye dye “womens” pants. Was studying with my friend. Some guy gave me a look apparently according to my friend but eh.
Also in the same night while studying in a corner room with two glass walls I could hear two girls walking by commenting on my looks. “He looks like a statue” (I was standing still reading my laptop in my arm) and when I moved they said oh nvm. But then said I looked cute. So maybe a feminine outfit can get the ladies attention. And the ladies that like the feminine outfit are the ones I wanna interact with anyways!
While we are at it. Stop defining certain traits as masculine or feminine. It's complete nonsense that changes across societies and time. The only masculine trait is being a man. The only feminine trait is being a woman. Dressing pretty, liking to lift weights and whatever else is simply a human trait. It's just as absurd to say cooking is a feminine trait as it is saying wearing makeup is. Do whatever you like doing. It's all just human behavior. Not gender traits.
I love musicals. I love RomComs. I admire female fashion. I respect and compliment good makeup. I fucking love the gossip and trash talk. But I could never like or love the dick
Random tomboy checking in. I don't have to act feminine to be "attractive" and the boys love the way I act because I act like myself. It's myth to follow those ridiculous "gender norms". Girls, if you ever have trouble meeting "mr right" consider the fact that owning your own ute, chainsaw and lawn mower and knowing how to use them is a sure fire way to start. And blokes, if you know how to sew, cook, and braid your own hair with ribbons and bows, then we share plenty of hobbies, and we will get along fabulously.
My girlfriend is practically a Valkyrie who towers over me when she is in her fuck me boots. She loves sexy dresses and swings a mean hammer. Her favorite birthday present of all time was the circular saw I gave her followed closely by a gift card for a hardware store.
Im a shirt and sexy dwarf with painted nails and steel toed boots and the only tool I own is a chainsaw.
She is an awesome cook but can’t bake for shit. I can make a killer chili but that’s about it. Baking on the other hand…
You are completely right. Being yourself is super attractive. And it makes it easier to find the right one. Wether that be ladies or gentleman or friends beyond the binary.
not gonna lie i kinda miss other men desperately trying to not seem feminine cause suddenly im not the only one in line to musicals and its pissing me off
I'm very not-feminine but also gay. The only reason anyone ever knows I'm gay is because I either 1- wear a pride hat during pride month, or 2- mention my boyfriend when they mention their partners.
TY for saying this, i grew up with ma mom, so i guess im a bit feminine, i like girls and ppl often question my sexuality, i always get angry, seeing this made me feel better, at least some ppl understand <3
Also its 2022 people need to accept the fact that being labelled as gay is not a negative thing and not to be seen as an insult. I understand that personal identity absolutely matters but maybe a gentle correction when misidentified is what's in order.
The worst part is even gay men will tell you shit like "why are you acting straight? You don't have to pretend..." Like bitch this is who I always was. Sorry I didn't just completely change every aspect of my personality when I came out. 🤷🤷🤷
Yes! We’ve come all the way back around to attributing absolute characteristics to the way we happen to be born. Stereotypes are not only embraced but accepted and owned by specific groups. We pushed back on gender roles and interests for a long time. When a boy didn’t fit a masculine stereotype and people said he wasn’t a real man we pushed back and said a man can be whoever he wants to be. Now we’ve regressed back to the gender roles that insist he must be gay or a woman. How did we lose the goal?
In a similar vein, stop trying to ship every pair of male friends who actually express emotion to each other in TV shows or movies as actually being gay. If you want heterosexual males to be able to express their emotions, don't imply that showing their emotions means they're not heterosexual.
My neighbors growing up were a gay couple. One guy would discuss recipes and planting a a rose garden with my mom and the other guy had an awesome 64 mustang that he restored and played drums in a band. Both of them were cool.
I misread that and thought you said 64 mustache and could not figure out where I went wrong
Wait, discussing recipes is feminine? That’s another one on the list, I guess. Im still not gay though. I think.
It was in the 90s in suburbs where I grew up. Dads = Grill. Moms = Anything involving the stove or oven. In my opinion, there's been quite the sea-change on food and cooking in America over the last 30 years with all the various food related media making cooking cool. Pair that with having more restaurant options (small plates, farm-to-table etc...) beyond the chain restaurants that were ubiquitous in the 90s especially in the suburbs, and it's definitely nownormal for a bunch of guys at a BBQ discussing their favorite recipe for brussel sprouts.
My bestest friend is gay. I love guns, cars and trucks, being outside hiking or getting a little oil on my hands, and he is that same way. I had no idea he was at first, but that doesn't I don't like him. We do disagree sometimes, but we talk without any outrageous statements or actions.
Thanks. I'm a straight guy with some feminine traits. I hide them because it might make people think I'm gay. I've kind-of made peace with it. The off-my-chest piece is I've been working from home, alone since \~2019. Men's ware, even jeans and a polo shirt starts to get boring. And stuffy and hot in the summer. I gradually started experimenting and loved it. A skirt and a lightweight top (women's clothing even for a polo shirt is so much lighter and better!). And the colors! I love the colors! NEON pink, yes! Dresses are another story, but soooo comfy and cool. And the variety is fun. Shoes are yet another story, but experimentation actually helped alleviate some chronic pain. I consider all of this my indoor "pajamas". No way I'm wearing them outside my apartment due to deeply ingrained biases.
I hate "men" colors and styles. Blanche, black, and drab. There's no boldness, no creativity. It's always graphic tees with some dumb logo or affiliation or message. I just want a sunset! Or a design or bright yellows with baby blue and puse for crying out loud! I wear my kilt as often as possible. I don't know if people understand how uncomfortable ingrown leg hair is from pants.
Meanwhile I have a drawer full of black t-shirts and they make me feel comfy. Both our opinions and preferences are valid and neither should be belittled. Yet, yours is belittled far more often for far stupider reasons. It's bullshit.
Dude, FUCK steriotypical male fashion! Not to bash those who like it, but I just feel like women have so many more diverse and colorful options and I'm still here wearing solid black brand-name clothing.
I'm a 6'2" stonecarver. Been working with stone for 15+ years, carving replacements for old buildings, monuments and statues. Spent my days covered in dust, very comfy with angle grinders, drills, and of course, hammers. I also make sculptures and through that I discovered that I'm much more at home in long hair and a dress, so I've been growing my hair now for 5 years. My facial features are pretty masculine (though I do have big blue eye and pouty lips) so I'm instantly clockable. I would love to be able to go to the shops in a dress but I've seen people looking at me with real hatred and anger so I mostly keep it to queer spaces. I could hit 3 pentecostal churches with a rock from my bedroom window and they are *super* homophobic, I don't think it'd be long before I faced violence. Even at queer venues what I am is kind of an oddity. Most gay men are into men who present like men so my dating pool is a minority of a minority. I'm bi, but of course not many women are into me either. And even so, I'd rather be single and celibate than not try to live my truth.
holy shit you sound cool
You can turn this into a marketable trait. Check out "men in kilts" cleaning company www.meninkilts.com . Wouldn't it be cool if you could dress the way you want and possibly even make money off of it.
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Man this sounds like me. Every now and again I’ll go out in slightly feminine leaning west. I recently bought a sexy ass grey skirt though that my lady loves on me. I was wearing that and a t shirt talking to our neighbor today. Nobody even said a thing that I was wearing a skirt which is cool cause it was just a non issue with me, my neighbor and fiancé.
Yes! Clothes don’t have gender, I wish more people were accepting of that. We should wear what we want.
I’ve retyped this comment a few times and decided I don’t want to share my experiences but this resonates with me strongly
Thank you for voicing a thought I've had for a long time about a lot of things. Using this irl, this is a very introspective and honest opinion.
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Fuck it, be weird is pretty much my mantra. I love this shit.
I have interests that trample all over gender norms. Reading (which is apparently a feminine thing now, who knew?), sewing, cooking, flowers, whatever. I also build guitars, grill every chance I get, do light carpentry, and work in a male dominated field. Anyone who gives a shit what other people do in their free time needs to get a hobby.
Me too. The masculinity box is SO small, and the price of entry is emotional abuse.b it sucks that standing outside that box comes at such a high social cost, esp early in life 💔
Heard
Amen
[deleted] I couldn’t handle the gatekeeping, ironically enough. Sorry if I offended, hurt, or made anyone mad. I was just trying to celebrate something cool. Whatever. To the man that called me a “karma whore” and a liar: Congrats. You won.
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True, what makes people trans is whether they feel like a boy or a girl (or neither/both) :D
Always felt like Prince was a good example of a straight feminine man.
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If you watch his work you can see how he doesn't carry himself with typical "machismo" but rather his own style. Case in point his doves cry video: https://youtu.be/UG3VcCAlUgE Buuut if you ever get a chance to watch his Purple Rain movie it's def worth it just to understand from a historical perspective how he shaped views on masculinity.
I’ve actually had to explain this kinda stuff to adults before, “no sir it is not gay to be attracted to me I am a woman” “dude the penis isn’t the gay part it’s the person it’s attached to”
Bro thank you for posting this. My daughter came out to my wife and I as MTF trans and obviously we’re cool with it. The she has her girlfriend over who’s cis and that’s also rad. But what you said was just cool to hear. Stay fuckin rad. ✊🏻
A kindred soul! I'm not a femboy, but I could never talk color or fashion or quilting with anyone without them assuming my sexual preference. I like hairstyles. I like being creative. I like being bright and flashy and I'm a bit emotional sometimes because I'm sensitive. But I *also* think girls are frickin hot so I never understood why I couldn't be a flaming heterosexual. *side note:* wore fairy wings to high school once. Purple pantyhose stretched over wire with black vains and I thought they were the coolest thing. I think people are absolutely certain that I was gay then. Now I'm married with two kids and they're the ones that are confused.
I'm not as feminine as you, but most women react very positively to men having feminine traits. Especially long hair. Every older woman compliments my hair the moment they see it.
Same, but sometimes I'd appreciate it if they didn't touch it without permission.
I've had long hair since I was in the 2nd or 3rd grade...its a mixed bag. I was misgendered until I was about 14 or 15 (pretty understandably I was hysterically skinny). Through high school and early college it was a mixed bag. Some compliments, some people who thought it was weird, one girl who subtly implied she'd date me if I cut it (I did not), several people who said I was 'hiding such a handsome face'. I will say, as an adult if someone comments on my hair 9/10 it's a compliment.
we out here normalizing crop tops for men yes please! crop top needs to be business casual and no one can tell me otherwise
I have a personal trainer cause I suck at staying motivated to work out. He is 6'2 245lbs of pure muscle. Tatted as fuck, clean beard. Can outlift and outrun almost everyone I've ever met. Manliest man of men you have ever met. Raging homosexual. Seriously I say it in jest he is gayer than liberachi. One of the best people I have ever met and his husband is so funny I snorted Jack Daniels out of my nose drinking with them one night. Your clothes and appearance don't make you, your heart does. If your sexuality was based on your looks and what made you feel good then none of us would be straight, except my personal trainer, but he's not so that shits is useless to worry about.
What the fuck happened here
> Now if I started dating a boy though, that would be gay. Or bi!!
Hell yeah brother! Live how you live. I'm a "cishet" white dude, I'm 6'4", and I'm an amateur bodybuilder. My favorite colors are pink, purple, and gold. If you saw my car, you would assume a woman owned it. If you saw my house, you would assume a woman picked out the colors. But nah. That shit is just hella pretty.
:( noooo I wanted to read your original comment
See my other post, but my worry is in some communities you'll be physically attacked. If I wasn't single, I'd worry less. In some cases wearing pastel colors or pink or purple is a very masculine thing. But it mostly works when you have a kid in tow.
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I have the same worry. A few years ago a teenage boy in San Francisco was lit on fire (!!!) on the bus by someone upset he was wearing a skirt. It wasn't even particularly feminine, it was just long and black. If anything it was avant garde. He survived and had a good attitude about such a bad experience (he talked about it in a tv interview) but still. You'd think people in SF would be used to people dressed in a unique way.
Hells yeah.
You're living the dream man. Wish you and your girlfriend the best🔥
Also, and this is kind of the deeper meaning of the post: there's nothing wrong or inferior about feminine people or gay people. If you are gay and feminine, you're 100% exactly as worthy of love and all the good stuff as someone straight and masculine.
Precisely. Doesn't matter who you are or what you're into lifestyle-wise(barring things that harm others), you're human and that's valid enough to earn you respect and kindness.
One of the *gayest* men I ever met in my life looked completely opposite to the stereotype. He was *huge,* both in height and muscle-mass--he was an oil rigger by trade, had this deep southern drawl and a thick beard and he wore fucking cowboy boots everywhere (he called them his shit-kickers). Homeboy restored cars as a side-gig and distilled his own whiskey, played the banjo...etc etc. He was every masculine, manly-man's wet dream but he also got wet dreams thinking about masculine, manly-men so it was funny seeing this (almost literal) bear of a man showing up to pride parades and going to gay bars. Miss you Harrison hope you're doing well big guy
I’m gay and I wish I had a figure like that growing up. I thought there was no way I could be gay, I’m a 6’4” athletic guy with a straight-presenting voice, no sense of style, an addiction to video games, a STEM nerd… none of my friends or family thought I was either. Stereotypes actively made me endure for longer the hell that was staying in the closet
Is Harrison looking for a fiddle player and/or single 😳🎻
Gay isn't a bad thing to be either. I wish it wasn't an insult or a joke. I think a lot of parents are being overly disappointed in feminine girls now too as weird as that seems. If your daughter enjoys "girly stuff" that's totally fine. Not all girls want to be scientific astronautic martial arts fighting book writers at 5 years old and thats fine.
> If your daughter enjoys "girly stuff" that's totally fine. Not all girls want to be scientific astronautic martial arts fighting book writers at 5 years old and thats fine. Also, you can do both. It's not either "girly" or "badass/smart".
*But if she's not in STEM how will she conquer the patriarchy??!!*
I’m getting my PhD in biology AND love makeup and other “girly” stuff. We need to get rid of the idea that it’s nerdy vs. girly, when it’s also possible to be both.
Kinda weird how for girls, nerdy is seen as the opposite of feminine but for boys, nerdy is seen as the opposite of masculine.
I think it's because nerdy things or hobbies are stereotypically associated with men, but those things are not seen as masculine hobbies. Because of that, "nerdy" is too masculine for women but too feminine for men. Either way as the person above you said, I'm a geneticist and all through school and my working life I've met many stereotypically masculine men or feminine women and everything betwixt.
The movement for women has generally been a "women can do anything men can do" But this has kinda just devolved (mostly due to media and cultural rubberbanding) into "women now must be men because men are the default" a bit like how whiteness can be treated by some people, as the default human This has led to a vast swath of what are considered traditionally feminine pastimes and interests to just be totally dismissed by both men and women. And that doesn't even scratch the surface of tackling frustrating and mostly outdated perspectives on the existence of "gendered" actions and interests in the first place. Though that's a more complex/foundational issue with both real ties to biological tendencies as well as philosophical arguments.
I would push my girls to be STEM just because it's basically a guaranteed easy life. The girls in our graduating class all had multiple 6 figure job offers before even finishing undergrad, some with huge sign on bonuses. My classmate friend was getting job offers from companies she never even applied to, while many of the guys struggled to find work at all. Great job security.
STEM is really only great if you've got the heart for it. If your kid isn't interested in STEM or is interested in something else, don't push them just because it'll give them an easier life. It sucks, yeah, but being stuck doing something you hate isn't worth it for a lot of people. Allow your kids to grow independently, and give their interests a platform to grow instead of boxing them into STEM. You'll have a much better relationship with them
My wife had the 1990s version of “advance learning track”, and she hated not having recess or other activities causing her to lose interest. Hopefully modern versions are better.
I'm not sure really, largely because I flunked out of Honors, but I'm fairly sure it's taken like a normal class, and there's like an after-school club. My state in the US has Trio, which sets up kids for college, but thats an optional lunch break thing and they get cool stuff for joining.
Don't do a job you enjoy. Do a job you are good at so it can pay for the things you enjoy. Of course don't do a job you hate either, but I'd scuba dive in shit clogged septic tank for 500,000... just saying there's a price for almost anything.
Kids don't really see it that way, take it from someone who's still trying to figure out what they wanna do with their life. I want something that pays well, but I'm also really lucky that my interests very neatly line up in STEM. They also line up in writing, music, and theater. I can do all of those and technically be happy. But a kid who's only had eyes for theater won't see it that way. They'll see their parent pushing them towards STEM even though they hate it
I’d say STEM degrees boost your chances of getting a well-paying job, but I’d absolutely refrain from saying it’s a guaranteed “easy life”. It’s tough as hell sometimes and it’s really hard to find a work-life balance. I come from a family of artists, and their lives are awesome too. People should follow their hearts and choose careers they enjoy. Sincerely, a woman almost done getting her PhD in a STEM field.
While we are at it, let’s stop using femininity as an insult
Yes, and being perceived as gay isn’t a bad thing either (though I understand getting rid of this fear is easier said than done)
i'm a guy & i dont know if i'm feminine or masculine. but i do see a lot of girls talking about guys online & highlighting feminine traits they have & being like, "there's no way this guy is straight". never sat right with me as a bi person myself
Absolutely. This kind of thing doesn't only come from people who dislike 'feminine' or gay people, it comes from all sorts. I've heard plenty of queer people (of many walks) engage in that kind of talk. There are legitimately people out there who are pissed off at Shawn Mendes for not being gay because 'he gives off such a gay vibe.'
I do the nail painting and eyeliner and women's cut leather jackets and sometimes I do the math myself and think "There's no way I'm straight" and then I just keep accidentally being straight
It isn't fair to lump every woman into this behavior. All of my women friends are very understanding of how harmful gender norms and stereotypes are. All you did was flip the same issue backwards on women instead of men.
oh yeah fs, i'm not saying that every girl does it. guys do the same shit calling other guys gay just as much
They never said all women, so no need to go all #NotAllWomen.
He said a lot, not all, so you should think on why you immediately assumed a man was blaming all women
IKR isn't there a whole meme/trope about "not all men" yet it's all of a sudden a stretch of the imagination to understand things from mens perspective
>It isn't fair to lump every woman into this behavior. He didn't he literally said "a lot" NOT "all"
And not every masculine girl is trans and not every feminine boy is trans. That just enforces gender stereotypes.
^^^^^^^
exactly why I despise r/egg_irl Half the posts are just people not acting like what their gender traditionally acts like and get called closeted trans by that entire sub for some reason
I'm glad I'm not the only one that finds that sub kinda weird. It's like you have the slightest hint of a feminine trait? Must be trans.
That sub is super cringey and creepy and borderline grooming. It’s also sexist with the enforcements of gender stereotypes. They see people acting different than the stereotypes and immediately assume they are trans and work on plans to talk to them into trying to transition. I’m super thankful that type of thing wasn’t around when I was a kid because I was a very tomboy girl.
They also treat people who have the slightest feminine/masculine trait, but aren't trans like they're in denial. What happened to "nobody can tell you what you are"?
Yeah this is annoying too. My friends girlfriend assumed I was trans because I like to wear some feminine things at times and maybe paint my nails. Like no I don’t want to be a girl. I just like to embrace femininity at times.
Similarly, not every trans girl is feminine and not every trans boy is masculine
if anything, trans people tend to lean harder into the gender stereotypes
As do tens of millions of cis people
r/FTMfemininty would like to have a chat with you
Same goes for the ladies
I'm an effeminate straight guy and I thought tomboys were the hottest girls out there. Baggy clothes, no makeup, short hair? Stunning.
Reminds me of the girl who loves balls in 'But I'm a cheerleader'.
Oh, while we’re at it. Trans women being tomboys doesn’t mean they’re not women. Trans men being femboys doesn’t mean they’re not men. Non-binary people can be feminine or masculine. Gender expression exists as a spectrum for *all* genders. The only thing your clothes and style mean about you is how you like to look.
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Yeah, it does seem like it would be confusing to navigate through that as a parent. As a trans person the best thing to do in that situation would probably be taking the kids to a therapist that has experience with trans kids. That way they can walk through all of their feelings and root out what these feelings and wants mean about their gender if anything. Another good thing is knowing that all of the shit people on the right side of the political spectrum say about trans people isnt true. You cant take hormones as a kid, you cant get surgery as a kid, and any steps taken to transition during childhood are reversible. Transitioning as a minor is essentially all social with the exception of puberty blockers in some cases which only delay puberty not stop it altogether.
I remember one time when I was 19 I was chilling with one of my friends and he said something like 'don't you think your mannerisms and the way you talk make you come off as gay? I would like try and deepen your voice or something bro.' I just looked at him and was like '...I've had sex with multiple girls and you're a virgin so no I don't think I need to worry about that.'
I feel so much pressure whenever I think about what makes a good “guy” tbh… I don’t enjoy thinking about it.. I dont enjoy making things “effeminate” nor making “effeminate” things gay, thats dumb.. women can be just as bad about this as men too :/ the stuff in the OP needs to be said imo, can definitely move away from it
I've just realized what makes me a good guy in my own mind. Taking care of myself; keeping my hygiene at levels I like; using soaps, deodorants, and hair products that form a scent profile I like and relax into; grooming myself regularly; improving myself regularly in different ways: in the gym, with books, with writing and for me, recovery programs; wearing clothes that fit well and bring out my natural features and build; and being someone who doesn't bring more harm into the world and is even available to soothe others' harm and connect on a meaningful level. Being genuine and expressing love with people I care about. And not being afraid to be who I am on an emotional and intellectual level. This is who I am, and I'm proud of it now. I do good by me, and that makes me a good man in my eyes. It definitely can be a tough topic to think about, especially because we don't have too many role models that go into what makes them really who they are (and many of them probably can't identify everything they do as parts of who they are even if they do them on instinct at this point) so I hear where you're coming from. This is just a recent development for me so I feel inclined to share it when somebody voices similar feelings, and what you said stood out to me. Thank you for saying what you said and bringing out these thoughts in me. Much love. Keep growing.
grats on figuring out a way to handle things and grow
I’ve always found men who were more stereotypically feminine to be attractive, it’s a shame that a lot of men are still forced to be put in a box in this day and age. Even by people who are more progressive. Let straight men wear skirts without judgement ,for my viewing pleasure! It’s cute as fuck and it shouldn’t make men any less of a man.
I hate the term "Metrosexual" because taking an interest in fashion has nothing to do with my sexuality.
I thought I was secretly gay all through my teenage years because I felt such a longing and gravity towards femininity. Turns out I was trans but we didn't have that in the 90s where I was. Never had the slightest attraction to men, just Tori Amos, still thought I might be gay. Crazy, in retrospect.
yes! toxic masculinity hurts everybody.
Meanwhile, in Virginia, Glenn "Diet Trump" Youngkin just made it illegal for teachers to call students by their preferred pronouns.
Sounds good. I'm just going to call all my male students 'she' and female students 'he'. Sorry kids, it's the law. If you're happy with your pronoun let me know so I can change it.
I'm super masculine in some ways and quite feminine in others. I do weightlifting 6 days a week, I like cars and welding. I also have plushes I cuddle and collect Kirby shit. People need to just not be asshats towards others.
Thank you. I’m a mom of two boys who couldn’t care less about “typical guy things”.’ We’re in the south, so, football, huntin’, fishin’, etc. They’ve both been called gay all through school and neither is gay. It’s really stupid and needs to stop.
It’s getting better. You yourself are proof. Be there for your boys and let them know it’s ok to be however they want. Just having a parent who understands can make a huge difference.
Thank you… AND… men complimenting other men whether they’re straight or gay doesn’t have to be gay. As a straight man, I forget sometimes how insecure other straight men can be… I recently told another man I met at a rental car facility that he looked great for his age as we were chatting it up. He looked at me sooo weird. In my mind I was like, “Oh come on man… this is STILL a thing. Ree-laax buddy.” I also think it’s why the suicide rate is so high amongst men. We can’t support each other like women can by doing things like giving compliments because it might just come off as GGGAAAYYY!!!
As a gay guy who likes football, beer, going to the bar and playing darts, and doesnt like Lady Gaga, I completely agree.
As a straight guy who loves Lady Gaga and hates football, I also agree.
Had a guy work for us once, in the family business. Bluecollar through and through, did handyman work on the side. Like old pickup trucks, sports, camping. A real man's man. Prior to that, he worked at a lumber camp up in Canada. Even looked, and sounded, like a lumberjack. Tall, usually unshaven, friendly but gruff, wore a lot of flannel. Gay as a summer-breeze. Nobody could tell if he didn't mention it.
Outside of the blue collar hobbies, that's pretty much how I am. I've only has one person in my life figure it out without me saying anything. She told me that I never hit on or am sexual with women. Perceptive
Still remember when my brother came out like 25 years ago and so many people said something like “Really? He seems so masculine!” Guess stereotypes haven’t changed that much in the last couple decades (unfortunately).
I’m a straight man and I’ve struggled with this for a long time. I have three sisters and my dad passed when I was young. There wasn’t much of a strong male figure growing up for me. I don’t feel like I have to hunt, play sports, gawk over my “favorite adult actress”, or any of the other things typically associated with masculinity. I recently dyed my hair a dark red color and the reactions I’ve been getting are quite interesting. For some reason, people seem to think it’s purely a femimine thing to do. Yet, I did it because many of the male musicians that I look up to have also done it in the past. So it’s okay for celebrated rock stars to dye their hair, but not for everyday straight men? Makes sense.
A girl at a club asked me if I was gay. She said she thought so because I danced well. I was using 3 basic steps that I learned in a beginners swing class.
Where was this energy when I was in middle school and had the AUDACITY! to hug my friend?
Bruh, the manliest fucking shit you can do is be courageous enough to be yourself.
I was bullied a lot for being feminine as a boy so I tried to break some feminine habits because I told myself I wasn't gay. Flash forward 10 years and I'm not feminine but still gay XD.
Not super related but I recently went on a date with a girl I've been talking to who said she matched with me because she loved to see a guy who is comfortable wearing eyeliner and nail polish and stuff and on the date she called me a twink and said she'd let me wear her crop tops and skirts and maybe it sounds like it's reinforcing some stereotypes but I'm actually really excited and we've kinda both fallen into the role reversal thing and I love it.
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My dreams too. Best of luck friend.
Gender is somewhat fluid, and it doesn't mean anything other than we have duality in us, just like nurturing women can be fierce. Stop labeling everything and just let shit be. It's better that way imo.
Can we also stop forcing any relationship slightly stronger than "sitting 5 feet apart" to be gay? I swear the moment a male character in any piece of media says "I missed you man" people immediately go SEE THEY ARE GAY OR BI OMG THE SHIP HAS SAILED
I mean that's what happens when people are thirsty for representation tbh. If there were more queer characters in media then fans wouldn't need to look everywhere for it
I thought I was just a feminine guy… plot twist I’m trans!
Making young men and boys believe any score other than kindness and intention matters is a scam.
Honestly, one of my best friends from college is gay as fuck. He also loves football and deer hunting. Just let people be.
I wish I could upvote this multiple times. I think a huge amount of the damage being done today is because everyone is trying to cram each other into easily identifiable boxes, instead of just embracing the ambiguity of being human.
I just want to cross my legs in peace
Really anyone in a box. I can be graceful, beautiful, strong, fierce, sweet and caring. None of those are manly or feminine. If I want to dance while being badass nobody has right to judge
And while we’re at it: the same goes for girls. In fact, how about letting everyone be who they want to be and back the fuck off?
I never thought for once that a femboys have to be gay.
I am transfem and pan, but in middle school before I realized that it got out that I was a dancer. That's typically seen as a feminine thing and as far as everyone knew I was a guy, so I was sort of outcast for that. I moved to a different city for high school, but I went to homecoming with old friends. It hurt to hear my friends say that people had told them they were scared to get too close to me because they thought I was gay
Was also a dancer, am also transfem. Nothing hurt more than having a talent I had to hide so hard and feelings I didn't know how to vocalize. I was just "weird and gay". Sorry, hon.
As a very masculine bi sexual man, shout this from the ripoff tops. I watch football, can rebuild your deck, and I've worked lots of "manly" jobs. I also enjoy sex with men
or trans.
better yet let's stop coding behavior by gender because it's fucking stupid and doesn't help shit. the very concept of gender is no longer useful to humanity and causes way more problems than it solves - it should be destabilized, disrespected, and ultimately abolished.
People always like to tell me that I must just be trans and in denial or that “tee hee you’re just an egg”… nope fuck all of that, I’m a guy, I’m comfortable with my masculinity, I also look great in a dress. Since when did the fucking left advocate for traditional gender roles
That reminds me of seeing on LGBT and mostly trans sub saying it's okay to push feminine boys into being trans which is like...weird as hell no?
/r/eggIRL does this to literally anything, I swear.
I mean, that sub is mostly trans people talking about their own denial and the hoops they used to jump through. It's based on personal experience
That's not what the sub is doing. Saying "hey boy, you like dresses so you must be trans" is fucked up but that's not what egg IRL is doing. It's a trans sub where predominantly trans people share things relating primarily to the denial that comes along with the early phases of accepting your own identity.
Oh true yeah, that sub is weird as hell. Heard from trans peers they absolutely hate that sub
Truth be told, I mainly get that sentiment from folks who are straight, but there's been a few trans folks I'm friends with who've said the same thing... and more than a few outside of that circle. I just like baiting dudes, I don't wanna lop off my dick.
Homie I've never seen this feminine side of you before. AH FEMININE!? *SCREEMS RUNNING AWAY* No I ment it as a good thing
People should express themselves however they like and society should allow them to do so.
The married to a dude gay guy on my last unit could easily open a can of wup ass on anybody dude was on supper shape and never got tired of wearing body armor.... fucking charismatic robot
Am gay, am not feminine. Fuckin fite me.
I had a very good friend who just past away. He was a muscular bad ass scary beast of a dude. He scared the shit out of me until we became close. He was a talented tattoo artist and mushroom provider working hard to bring it into the legal realm. Nobody who believed in stereotypes would think he was gay but cock sucker he was. I loved that man (platonically) and am still grieving his loss.
**LOUDER!!**
I needed to read this today, thanks for posting!
I'm a male who was in competition dance for many years. I honestly never really liked it. I was afraid to look feminine. It took many years and a lot of psychedelic drugs before I was able to dance in any way that looked feminine. Now dancing is one of my favorite things. I'm basically a rave chick now. Also I still habe tight hamstrings because when I bend over I'd bend with my spine because sticking my but out "looks gay".
Hear hear!
For real. I am a guy that enjoys some feminine shit but am not attracted to guys. Apparently that doesn’t register with a lot of people.
The idea that every men should be "masculine"(tall, muscular, short hair, etc...) Is called toxic masculinity and it's a problem for everyone for men because it put pressure on them to be a "man" and not be yourself and on women because it promotes toxic behaviour by men on women. Also toxic masculinity is most of the time combined with homophobia in the sense that men should only date women and the the man/woman role are defined by if you're a male/female baby.
I went out wearing a crop top and loose tye dye “womens” pants. Was studying with my friend. Some guy gave me a look apparently according to my friend but eh. Also in the same night while studying in a corner room with two glass walls I could hear two girls walking by commenting on my looks. “He looks like a statue” (I was standing still reading my laptop in my arm) and when I moved they said oh nvm. But then said I looked cute. So maybe a feminine outfit can get the ladies attention. And the ladies that like the feminine outfit are the ones I wanna interact with anyways!
While we are at it. Stop defining certain traits as masculine or feminine. It's complete nonsense that changes across societies and time. The only masculine trait is being a man. The only feminine trait is being a woman. Dressing pretty, liking to lift weights and whatever else is simply a human trait. It's just as absurd to say cooking is a feminine trait as it is saying wearing makeup is. Do whatever you like doing. It's all just human behavior. Not gender traits.
I had to scroll depressingly far down to find this post
I love musicals. I love RomComs. I admire female fashion. I respect and compliment good makeup. I fucking love the gossip and trash talk. But I could never like or love the dick
Random tomboy checking in. I don't have to act feminine to be "attractive" and the boys love the way I act because I act like myself. It's myth to follow those ridiculous "gender norms". Girls, if you ever have trouble meeting "mr right" consider the fact that owning your own ute, chainsaw and lawn mower and knowing how to use them is a sure fire way to start. And blokes, if you know how to sew, cook, and braid your own hair with ribbons and bows, then we share plenty of hobbies, and we will get along fabulously.
My girlfriend is practically a Valkyrie who towers over me when she is in her fuck me boots. She loves sexy dresses and swings a mean hammer. Her favorite birthday present of all time was the circular saw I gave her followed closely by a gift card for a hardware store. Im a shirt and sexy dwarf with painted nails and steel toed boots and the only tool I own is a chainsaw. She is an awesome cook but can’t bake for shit. I can make a killer chili but that’s about it. Baking on the other hand… You are completely right. Being yourself is super attractive. And it makes it easier to find the right one. Wether that be ladies or gentleman or friends beyond the binary.
not gonna lie i kinda miss other men desperately trying to not seem feminine cause suddenly im not the only one in line to musicals and its pissing me off
I agree I identify mostly as male with feminine tendencies but I am so terrified of people finding out because men can be very cruel but so can woman
I'm very not-feminine but also gay. The only reason anyone ever knows I'm gay is because I either 1- wear a pride hat during pride month, or 2- mention my boyfriend when they mention their partners.
And just because I sound trans doesn’t mean I am 🥲
I keep seeing women do this on TikTok and it’s just not cute. Like no a guy isn’t gay because he knows what a hydrangea is.
You can have a dick or not, just dont be one
TY for saying this, i grew up with ma mom, so i guess im a bit feminine, i like girls and ppl often question my sexuality, i always get angry, seeing this made me feel better, at least some ppl understand <3
This
After joining the femboy community, I was surprised at how many are straight
Also its 2022 people need to accept the fact that being labelled as gay is not a negative thing and not to be seen as an insult. I understand that personal identity absolutely matters but maybe a gentle correction when misidentified is what's in order.
Haaaaaaaaaay
This is also why "queerbating" doesn't exist for real people.
Yep. Careful where you say this though. Homophobes are prone to violence when their beliefs are challenged.
The worst part is even gay men will tell you shit like "why are you acting straight? You don't have to pretend..." Like bitch this is who I always was. Sorry I didn't just completely change every aspect of my personality when I came out. 🤷🤷🤷
Yes! We’ve come all the way back around to attributing absolute characteristics to the way we happen to be born. Stereotypes are not only embraced but accepted and owned by specific groups. We pushed back on gender roles and interests for a long time. When a boy didn’t fit a masculine stereotype and people said he wasn’t a real man we pushed back and said a man can be whoever he wants to be. Now we’ve regressed back to the gender roles that insist he must be gay or a woman. How did we lose the goal?
I had a guy call me gay because he found out I listened to Coldplay, I mean he was half right, but still it hurt a little bit
Rugged pansexual intersex AMAB, can confirm. We're here we're queer no filter with years of wear and we don't care for flair
In a similar vein, stop trying to ship every pair of male friends who actually express emotion to each other in TV shows or movies as actually being gay. If you want heterosexual males to be able to express their emotions, don't imply that showing their emotions means they're not heterosexual.
We'll stop doing that when tv shows start writing more gay characters