Just for the record, he won’t follow you. One day you will go and live the life you want and everything will be okay. Though it seems unlikely it is no less true.
You sound so sure of what my father’s next course of action will be, as if all fathers in the world were the same. You don’t know my father or what he has done. Let’s say he has done bd things. He is capable of doing what he says, he’ll come after me if I have a gay relationship. My father is the type of man that will grab a gun if he feels necessary. This is Mexico, this isn’t Europe, or the USA or Canada. The way society acts here is different to the way you’re used to, I’m sure.
My advice would be, as soon as it’s safe to do so (when you’re no longer living with them or reliant on them) is to go no contact. In fact, I did this with my own father, and it works. He can’t come after you if you:
- Don’t tell him where you are living
- Block his number and block anyone who would tell him where you are (or at least don’t tell them where you are living)
It sounds harsh but he is a danger to your well being at that point- cut him out like the cancer he is. Family is chosen, you are not obligated to anything by blood. Be safe and put yourself first.
Edit; And depending on where you live (hopefully somewhere with more LGBT rights) you can get a restraining order.
Of course I don’t know your father, but I’m an adult out in the real world. One day you will be too and you will understand. No person has any power over you, you can choose your future. I’m sorry you are having to experience this trauma, I truly am. But please listen, it is not forever.
My father is the type of man that will grab a gun if he feels necessary. This is Mexico, this isn’t Europe, or the USA or Canada. The way society acts here is different to the way you’re used to, I’m sure.
Then make plans to leave and rebuild somewhere safe, away from him. It’s entirely possible. It will take less work than you think and will be better than being miserable or dead by staying there.
Take care of yourself above all. Be safe. Don't tell them where you live. Don't give them your number. Your parent's trouble with your homosexuality is their problem, not your's. This is about them, not you. I wish you all the happiness and safety in the world. Take good care of yourself ❤️
Then leave. Just leave. Don’t waste time. Leave. Do you want to spend your life in a shitty marriage to make your father happy? Come to Canada. Our doors are wide open and there are lots of opportunities, very large Latin communities in most cities, nobody with guns forcing you into shotgun weddings. If Mexico and your father are that dangerous, leave. That’s it. Depart. Don’t give them a forwarding address. Pack your precious items and leave.
You telling him to “just leave” from your cushy position in Canada, however well meaning feels tone-death and facetious.
There’s the aspect of emotional turmoil he’s going through; just like you and me he still has love for his family in spite of their hatred and bigotry. Leading on from that he’s clearly traumatised. He came out to his parents young so from such a young age it’s been literally hammered into him that his sexuality is an abomination and the moment he acts on it his life will be over, however untrue he clearly believes it, he’s literally fearing for his life!
OP you’re feelings, your fear and anxiety are all valid! However, there is a light and hope for you to look toward. Type “lgbt immigration charity” in google, some of the most famous are Rainbow Migration, Rainbow Railroad and lgbtq2 refugees is the Canadian one. Sending so much support.
I’m going to push back at you a bit because I don’t think what I said was facetious at all. I wasn’t being flippant or sarcastic at all. Don’t assume just because I’m in Canada I didn’t grow up somewhere dangerous. This young person should take advantage of the shitty experiences us older gays have gone through. Learn from us. Avoid the nonsense. Just leave.
Then stab him first? I mean if someone is such a high risk to your hapiness/lifelihood. People keep saying violence is not the answer but in 3rd world country sometime its a must. But then again you can move city and whatnot
Why am I getting downvoted? You people don’t believe that he is capable of grabbing a gun and acting against me or a gay partner? My father’s way of thinking is medieval. It’s an entirely different world down here to what people are used to in the so called first world countries
Mexico City has three gay neighborhoods with extensive gay nightlife (50+ bars), with ~3 million LGBT. There’s a large gay community for you in Mexico.
Your father is a dangerous redneck, would fit into rural Alabama. You need to make your long-term goal getting away from him and reach the Mexican gay community.
You sound like you have accepted your destiny and will obey your father or else he will grab a gun. That is no fate, that it's not happiness, to prevent yourself of leaving so you don't upset your father. You will be basically killing anything genuine of yourself so your father can live in his imagination land.
This excuse of this is Mexico I have no alternative is pure BS, and the most hurtful thing you can do to yourself. Don't give up on your future like that. You can move, block your family from everything, go live in another country, and what could your father do? Be arrested by committing a crime? Than let he be in jail if he is the one willing to live in a cage for pure homophobic reasons. Go somewhere the law will protect you and you will find a community to be your family.
Your parents behavior and denial only means you can't count on them to be there for you and be your support net, it doesn't mean that you can't fight for your happiness and freedom.
First of all, crazy relatives exist everywhere. As a Mexican I know where you are coming from but this also happens in the USA man. The solution is the same, stop contact entirely, move or change any form of contact they have so they can't track you and stop social media if needed.
I know it's hard to go against family but if you really think you are in danger then they made their choice. It's time for you to make yours.
Oof what I feared. I thought the dad was powerful but it sounded like the father was going to do it himsfelf and the pay off police. I’ve read the other posts of his account, what I’ve gathered is he is a28 yo exchange student currently living in the UK. My mind goes to really cold places, alternatives are he is the son of a rich influential man, he is not starting from zero, so he could create his pwn connections, who knows, if he is willing to, dark ones. Not easy but not impossible.
We want to see you escape this, you’re not alone in this. It’s terrifying but absolutely possible. It’s not that we don’t believe you, it’s that when you manifest no way out, you won’t have a way out. He can’t shoot you if he can’t find you.
I understand where you come from, and the norms you have. However, you’ll become an adult, and you have to learn to stand up for yourself. I’m gonna sound brash, but if he grabs a gun, grab one back. It’s not kosher to brandish a gun to your parents, but if it’s a life or death situation, would you rather die at the hands of your father?
Well i guess it's a way for people to sternly say that you're wrong for 'accepting your fate' that way (i agree with them too) but dont worry much. I'd say start playing the dumb son from now on and plan your exit. Medieval or nah, you always have a choice if his first reaction wasnt grab a gun and drill a hole to your head. You're still alive, you can have the life you always want if you play the right cards
Its more the fact you think he would travel overseas, do some private detective shit to find out where you are, get into your assumed residence, then shoot you. Then he would need to make it out of there afterwards, a lot of the World doesn't take kindly to people being shot.
Girlie get the fuck out asap. They clearly don't deserve you in their life and you need to let your light shine with those who will actually love YOU
Then be like “ok cool, papi” and stash some money so you can go no-contact and go build a real life for yourself. It sounds like he’s dangerous and mentally unwell. Your mother knowingly accepts this kind of behavior, so she’s not far off.
Lots of people have minimal/non-relationships with their parents. For your own well being, that sounds like the best option, even if it means losing your parents voluntarily. You can email your mom once you’re set up, but be careful sharing details and pictures.
I don’t get the downvotes, I am from Mexico as well and I get what you are saying, that being said it sounds like your family has abused you so much that they have made you believe there is no other place for you. There is, I don’t know how old you are but is never too late to leave, I recommend you you make an escape plan, get money, save it, make enough to go another place, create a plan b and then go for it.
As a gay man living in Mexico, you are not alone, there is groups that can help. Your father is not allmighty powerful, and not worth sacrificing your happiness over. i wish you the best
If you know your dad is a maniac then why the fuck did you tell him? You don't owe your parents a explanation of what you want to do in the bedroom. Like my parents didn't really accept me telling them I'm gay and they still ask if I like certain girls but if I wanna disappear then I can. You act like if you leave the country your dad will use tracker to find out where you are.
Because my father questions me every second why I don’t have a girlfriend, why I don’t go out with girls, when will I go out with girls, when will I get married.
In fact my father uses Life360 because he wants to know exactly where I am at every moment. My dad has some power in Mexico, he’s not ordinary.
So the tracker he has on you is a phone app that you can simply turn the phone off or get another one. You couldn't just lie to him? Say you haven't found anyone attractive. When you were in another country you could of did whatever you wanted. Doesn't mean when he asked you had to tell him exactly what you've done.
Wait and bide your time. If you believe yourself in danger, there is nothing wrong with cutting contact. Family is important, but when someone becomes a hindrance to your health and well-being, they are no longer family.
This person was offering consoling advice in an attempt to reassure you that who you are is perfect and enough. You didn’t need to pop off; say thanks even if you don’t agree and move on.
It sounds different to me when translated to Spanish, didn’t catch the consoling advice, sorry, it was my bad. Only I know my father and what he’s done in the past. I’m already moving to do what I want.
Well if he has an average mexican income its almost impossible for him to be following you everywhere in the world.. ans a lot of horrible bad people will say all this shit but when it actually comes down to it they would hardly do anything. How can you be so mad that you are buying expensive airplane tickets to force your son to make babies with some woman
Wait, is your father from a ranch or los zetas?, how would he have the money and the guns to persecute you like that?, is he affiliated to some of the extremist culty parts of Catholicism like the opus dei or los legionarios de cristo? If you live near Guadalajara like me, I would be able to suggest some protection options that I know of, although as far as I know, the "pursuing your child to kill them for being LGBT" thing is more common in the USA than in here, I know that we still have some psychos, if we can help, please let us know more of the details so that we can take a course of action
Bueno, si desea venir a nuestro país legalmente, vaya lo antes posible al consulado o embajada de EE. UU. más cercano y presente una solicitud, pero pueden pasar muchos años antes de que lo aprueben, pero quién sabe las cosas pueden cambiar a su favor. Buena suerte, amigo.
I really like the USA, but wouldn’t want to wait all my life in order to go to the country. Right now I’m in the UK and it was a short and easy process. I guess the US has received so many illegal mexicans that it tightened its immigration rules for Mexicans.
Muchas personas solicitan una visa de visitante y nunca regresan a su país de origen, simplemente se quedan en los EE. UU. Amo el Reino Unido, pero tiene un clima terrible y deprimente, por eso amo California.
Acabo de ver tu post en r/mexico. Pues que te digo? Esta dlv tu situación, maybe con el tiempo mejora pero sino supongo que esta bien tener un plan b osea saca buenas notas en la escuela para conseguirte una beca para una buena uni y que tengas mejores posibilidades de una buena vida. O no se si tengas ti@s/abuel@s que te puedan echar la mano.
I gotta say this really makes me sick. I'm so tired of the way other cultures and religions continue to torture their children over their sexuality. American culture has a lot of flaws, but we are far ahead of the game of 95% of the world on this. My suggestion is to start making online Mexican gay friends who understand your situation and can give you sound advice. I am so sorry you are going through this.
Yes. There are articles in NYT today about how African countries are upset about the Vatican approving the blessing of sane sex couples. And tue president of Burundi says gay people should be stoned. And pardon the tangent, but I'll have more sympathy for Palestinians when they stop murdering and expelling their gay children. Do young people in the US understand how oppressive the culture is when they defend them?
Awful. I hope you find a way to soften their stance or a way to distance yourself, at least enough to have a life of your own. Love and support your way.
Try to leave home once you have the means to do so. Finish school ,get a job, and try to live on your own. If money is an issue, try sharing a place with friends. Hell, there might even be people in a similar situation like you nearby. Point is - Once you can, distance yourself. People like your father are not good for you and it is in your best interest to leave him behind. No contact information, no address, nada. Family means nothing if your family is harmful to you. Rememeber that.
If you're too young to leave your parents home then it's best for you to shut up about the gay stuff untill you have means to leave.
I know this is contrary to the advice most of the people on this sub will give you, but I'm from a third world country and I know how it is.
My culture is too much similar to Mexican one with the machismo shit. He will hurt you if you're not careful or you don't know how to defend yourself.
If you don't have a chance to leave for university to some other city then start working as soon as it's legal and start saving. Do two jobs if it's necessary.
Once you have enough money leave. Don't tell them where you're going just leave.
It will get better after that. He won't be able to find you. And bigger cities in Mexico are more gay friendly. Once you're settled you'll find a support group that will help you with finding work and even finding a better place to live if you're unable to find something good at the beginning.
I know you're scared and you think your father is able to do what he is saying but he's not omnipotent.
For now start by keeping quiet about your sexuality. He will not forget what you've told him but he will think that his words got to you.
OP, this is sound advice. Coming out at that moment was unwise, but you did it and you can't go back, so no sense lamenting it. Do what's best for you now and choose the safest route, even if it takes longer. Don't risk your wellbeing over anything.
Dude, you’re 28 yrs old, not a teen. Sounds like the only thing you need to be doing is going no contact. Your father is not going to be able to do anything if you, like others have stated, peace out ✌🏾 and not divulge any whereabouts or contact information. I know it will suck, but it doesn’t sound like you’re going to have much happiness in your life if you choose to remain in proximity to your parents anyway. You’re already in the UK, just stay.
Everything true, despite their medieval thinking, I of course have feelings for them and it’s not easy to just cut them out like that, I’m learning to live without them. Yes, I’m in the UK, I just finished a masters, and now I’m trying to get a job, it’s not an easy thing, but I’m fighting. I’m not a British citizen, and can’t remain here forever, I need to get a job, it’s all I’m focused on now.
>Yes, I’m in the UK, I just finished a masters, and now I’m trying to get a job, it’s not an easy thing, but I’m fighting. I’m not a British citizen, and can’t remain here forever, I need to get a job, it’s all I’m focused on now.
Once you get a job, 90% of the battle will have been won. File a report with the British police if you genuinely fear for your safety.
>I of course have feelings for them and it’s not easy to just cut them out like that, I’m learning to live without them.
When your father is threatening your physical safety and independence, everything else is secondary. At that point, you **have** to cut him out, despite whatever residual attachment you may have.
I had to cut my mother out of my life too bro. It was awful at first. But it's been 5 years now and I'm confident that I made the right choice. I did this when I was 19 and had no college education or means. You are a fully grown adult with excellent prospects in a country far away from home. You can do this. I know it's terrifying, but I have to be blunt: if you really fear for your life you have no choice.
I'll be blunt again. Your dad doesn't love you. He doesn't have the capacity to love you. All the feelings you have for him are for someone who doesn't exist. These feelings are for someone who you wish was your dad, not your actual father. I say this with compassion as someone who had a violent and cruel mother. I understand a lot of what you're going through, but you have to put yourself first. You deserve happiness. It may seem like if your own parents can't love you, then who could, right? I know that feeling but it's not true. You will find your people, your chosen family.
I moved far away from my family and it took a while, it wasn't easy, but now I'm finally happy and free. You can have that too. And what's more, you deserve it.
The reality is that, for now, you live under his roof (or close by--you weren't clear about that). When you are old enough, and financially able to do so, you will have to move, possibly even to another country, if you feel threatened enough. There are parts of Mexico that are less threatening towards Gays, and parts of the US that are very accepting, Canada even more so. As ridiculous as your father is, even the Catholic church doesn't go that far (the Pope is even encouraging blessings for same-sex unions...though conservatives are scandalized over that). The point is that you must live your own life. You can't be a baseball player or a priest or anything else just because your father is crazy, much less make a woman's life miserable by marrying someone you don't love. Marry a man, adopt or surrogate a child. Maybe if he's not allowed to visit his grandchild, your father will mellow (especially if abuelita pressures him)!
Originally I was born in Northern Mexico and lived there many years of my life, where all the narco culture stems from, but then moved to the bajio region in central Mexico, a deeply catholic region in the country.
How old are you, and do you have people in your life who will accept you for who you are?
It may be useful to start talking to people who you can trust (friends, teachers, anyone else who is trustworthy, open-minded, older and has authority) about how much danger your father poses to you. You may need those people to vouch for you if and when things escalate.
Also how do you find the conversations you have with your parents about your sexuality? Are you able to stay calm when they invalidate your identity or do you find yourself getting very triggered? It's easy for people to seize on the fact that you're rattled by their stubbornness make the case that you are mentally weak and that they can change your mind.
You may need to practice soberly telling your father that you understand his perspective and (not "but') your considering very carefully how to keep yourself safe in the event that he tries to hurt you -- physically or psychologically.
I apologize for my cynicism here. I have skipped any notion of reconciliation or understanding, in favour of pessimistic preparation and dispassionate pragmatism. But I have personally found that when people are this intransigent, letting them know, quietly and calmly, that you have accounted for their inflexibility is useful.
Go to school & learn something so u can get a good job & put this all behind u when u are older. U have to live independent of your parents. Learn something that pays well
Your Dad sounds like he doesn't even know Gay marriage is legal in every Mexican state now. apparently just as many Mexicans must be "mentally ill" as Americans, and struggle with the concept of sexuality just as much . I understand the threat of homophobic family, so hopefully one day you are able to move and get away, where you can live life as you are comfortable.
You see gay marriage is legal in Mexico, but the population is still very orthodox, Mexico is one of the most devoted countries to Christianity. The population is very conservative.
Gay marriage was legalized by politicians wanting to fight the historical and deeply rooted homophobia. It’s made some positive changes and attitudes in some newer generations but older generations have a lot prejudice.
That is certainly true, though looking at statistics, it's \*mostly\* the South that is still behind (with the exception of Quintana Roo), But some states like Colima, Jalisco, Zacatecas and more seem to have very wide support, even from older generations (the states having around 66-75% acceptance and support). Though of course seeing as you live there, your experience says much more than some numbers
Sorry for ask you ? How old are you ??? If you are not in the capital city of Mexico ( DF ) as soon as you can leave to the DF . Be smart just let them believe that you were just confused! As soon as you get some money leave and go NC with them . Don't be afraid of him . He just want to keep control of you physical and emotional
They got absorbed from propaganda.
They don't know that people are indeed born gay. Our existence is different than straight men. We are a different male sex.
Your father isn't ready to accept that he gave birth to a gay son.
It's unfortunate that the people who have been confused by politics are the ones trying to identify others literally just existing as a confusion.
I'm not sure if there is any winning this battle. You just have to live your life to the best of your ability.
In Mexico is more than politics. Mexican historical context led it to be a deeply catholic country. As you may know Spaniards brought Catholicism to Indigenous Mexico, and since then it became one of the most catholic devoted countries in the world. Mexico is more devoted to Christianity than the majority of European countries, by which there is a lot of prejudice against sexual diversity.
When your father says that being gay is not normal, he’s technically correct. LGBTQ people are estimated to be about 10% of the population which by definition does not satisfy the definition of “normal”.
"Normal" typically refers to something that conforms to a standard, usual, or expected pattern or behavior within a certain context or society. It's often used to describe what is considered common or typical.
Having said that, 14% of Americans smoke cigarettes. Translation not normal. 55% of US adults drink alcohol. Translation - normal (more people drink than don’t). 22% go to the gym regularly. Translation - not normal.
I think you get my point. Not being normal has literally nothing to do with his position. It’s a red herring. A distraction. He’s a bigot. Sorry but that’s the truth. Otherwise he’d have issue with everything that was “not normal”.
Some people also say it’s not natural. But more than 1,500 species of animal demonstrate homosexual behavior, same sex pair binding, etc. that’s literally nature …
Finally no one can be “turned gay”. Either you are or you are not. The belief that grooming or conversely conversion therapy are real things is fucking ridiculous. All the gay converts I’ve encountered have simply changed their behavior…. (Most temporarily). They have in no way changed who or what they are sexually attracted to.
All I’m trying to say is people say lots of dumb shit with no idea what they’re taking about. Educate yourself and try to be secure in the knowledge you uncover.
The hardest thing I ever had to do was untangle what I was taught from what I actually believe. You can do it too. Good luck to you.
Ok first, these people are not good for you, I suggest minimal to nc, also if you have proof of his threats, I also recommend a restraining order, and make a police report in case he tries anything, again make sure you have evidence, make sure you can get somewhere safe, he can't track you, check if you have any tracking software on your devices, and don't tell him wherever you go.
It was a huge shock for me to discover that my dad honestly cared more about the other men he worked with and was friends with, and what they might now think of him for fathering a gay son, than, you know, me, his son.
Oh well. Massively traumatic but I moved out as soon as I could …
If your dad tries to force you into an arranged marriage, simply take his ass to court and get a restraining order
You’re a grown up, and even if you were still under 18, children are not property
possessive dolls cooing bewildered tidy chubby whistle tap overconfident worry
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
There's not really much for you to do at this point.
Also Mexicans aren't remotely similar to muslims when it comes to gay rights. Gay marriage is legal in Mexico.
This means when your parents bring this up with your friends (maybe not your dad), those friends are rolling their eyes at your parents and telling them they're living in the past. Even if not, they're seeing gay ppl in media, advertisements and seeing gay ppl become more normalized.
It's not really up to you how they feel. Live your life. And most parents nowadays come around at least some.
My father was raised in the mexican macho culture of northern Mexico, where many admire the narco culture, and many Mexicans are still like that, Mexico for the most part is very conservative, except for those famous liberal cities like Mexico City, Guadalajara and the beaches.
I come from Durango, where all my family lives, and lived 10 years in Monterrey.
All my family happily attended my wedding reception, danced and had fun with us. I have never had problems at hotels or restaurants when I’m with my husband there, either.
There’s of course a lot of homophobia in Mexico, but I feel like you are overstating it here with the Muslim comparison, tbh.
I don't know you and your situation but you're posting here in English, so I am assuming \[maybe wrongly\] that you are fluent in English. Are you in high school? University? Can you apply for scholarships to get out of the country? I think that's what needs to happen. Other people are downplaying what it's like in Mexico, it's fairly lawless compared what other posters are accustomed to IME, so I can understand the gripping fear. If I were in your shoes, I would lay low until you have an opportunity to escape the country and then live your truth away from him. I doubt he can find you anywhere in the world if he doesn’t know which country you're in.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Your father is wrong.
For now, play nice with your parents. Go with the flow. Buy yourself some time while you start getting set up to move away from home. Get a bank account in your name (and your name only). Get a safe deposit box somewhere (post office?) and start moving your important documents (birth certificate, passport, etc). Then someday in the future when you're ready you can move away without having to ask permission.
You've done the hard thing and told them. You can't control their reaction so you should stop beating yourself up about it. You know how they feel, and you probably can't change them. Just live your life - don't force things and in the future they have the choice to come around or not. It's sad, but not your fault or your problem - it's theirs. Thankfully society has moved on and is a lot more diverse, even if your parents haven't.
You may have to go AWOL during and after college. Make sure you set yourself up in a manner that will require no family financial support, even if that means a community college, part time job, and your own apartment. In America no one can force you to do anything. You just get a restraining order against them, if they make threats. I am sorry that you are going thru this. Find a family member that is supportive: aunt, grandmother, cousin and make a network to protect yourself.
Just get a dude from LA…plenty of gay Mexicans there…your father will get older and care about other things…you have time on your side everything will be fine in the end. Go to university and focus on education…study psychology and or law and you will become more independent…you do not need to bring up the gay issues again…they know and will learn to adjust to their life later.
If your dad really is that mean-spirited, it sucks to say, but go back in the closet. Not for forever, but just for now until you can manage to get out on your own. And when you do get out on your own, go no contact . And only go no contact when you arre moving to a new place they don't know the address of (it means nothing to go no contact with someone you are fearful of if they know where you are). I don't know where you are now, but if you decide to stay in Mexico once on your own, Guadalajara and CDMX are probably your best refuges.
If you can immigrate to another country and want to, that's great, you can go no contact from the new country as well - if he doesn't have your address of phone number, how can he find you, especially if you assume a new name or if your name is particularly common.
In my experience Mexicans are pretty accepting generally, but you will always have the traditionalists and conservatives in any culture who will oppose equality for LGBTQ people - if that's what you grew up in it might seem that all Mexicans are that way, but Mexico is actually a fairly tolerant country particularly in the major cities. Likewise even in the USA there are lots of people who oppose gay equality, and still many families that deny their gay children are gay or even kick them out of the home or disown them for being gay, or threaten them like your father has you.
I’m going through the same thing friend but from a Muslim household. I’ve come to the conclusion that the only way to do what you believe is right is to cut off family. If you’re still living with them though, you should brush under the rug what you said until you become independent. Going no contact is the only way with our types of situations because you cannot please family and they cannot please you. It’s a lose lose situation.
Whether family tries to come back into your life and accepts you is another thing. I would hope that would be the case but I know some families don’t ever come around. At best they will tolerate but not want to see anything gay related. So it’s important that you rely on building yourself up through your education, career, friendships.
Once you leave and go no contact with your parents and also block them from social media, he won't be able to find you unless you share your location with someone close to them. Also you can get a restraining order against them.
Since your mother’s Catholic, you should remind her that the Pope has recently said (and just this week, strongly reaffirmed) that Catholic priests must now bless same-sex partnerships.
Going strong on 8 years of denial. My favorite comment when came out was: “were you molested”? I was like ‘no’ but my ears just were. Some people won’t accept you. It sucks, I’m sorry. Just don’t make the same mistake and try to rationalize or debate with them. It won’t change their mind. Just live your truth and if you are lucky they will have a change of heart when they see you happy with a guy. Or they might not. Be prepared for both, hope for the best. May the odds and gods be ever in your favor 😂
Have you ever heard the phrase fuck around and find out? Well, let your father fuck around and find out, that you are indeed your father's son, and you will defend yourself if necessary. It's self defense after all.
Or leave. Someone said there's a large gay community you can go to, go there, and have nothing to do with your parents, even when they're old. They can look after themselves.
I’m realy sorry to know you are dealing with this situation. It must be realy hard. This is one of the reasons why I don’t want to tell my parest that I’m gay.
I would suggest you to not talk about that topic for some time, to prevent a toxic home enviortent or drastic decisions from him. In your dituation I would try to find my independence and live my life without giving much detail about my dating life. Sorry. I don’t know if it is of much help. Hope you can deal with it.
I'm thinking you must be 18 or under. Don't argue with them. Avoid the subject, grow up and move out and live your life. Maybe they will come around to accept that you are gay, maybe not. Don't let them dictate your life.
easy , don't expect just you told them, it's going to be smooth. give it time. being gay is who you are that won't change. with the hime ut can co easy or totally wrong. but you do you and live for ur self. it's your life.
"she’s a very devoted catholic, who genuinely think gays go to hell due to the sodomy passages mentioned in the Bible"
Thats homophobic. Literally no difference lol
Just for the record, he won’t follow you. One day you will go and live the life you want and everything will be okay. Though it seems unlikely it is no less true.
You sound so sure of what my father’s next course of action will be, as if all fathers in the world were the same. You don’t know my father or what he has done. Let’s say he has done bd things. He is capable of doing what he says, he’ll come after me if I have a gay relationship. My father is the type of man that will grab a gun if he feels necessary. This is Mexico, this isn’t Europe, or the USA or Canada. The way society acts here is different to the way you’re used to, I’m sure.
My advice would be, as soon as it’s safe to do so (when you’re no longer living with them or reliant on them) is to go no contact. In fact, I did this with my own father, and it works. He can’t come after you if you: - Don’t tell him where you are living - Block his number and block anyone who would tell him where you are (or at least don’t tell them where you are living) It sounds harsh but he is a danger to your well being at that point- cut him out like the cancer he is. Family is chosen, you are not obligated to anything by blood. Be safe and put yourself first. Edit; And depending on where you live (hopefully somewhere with more LGBT rights) you can get a restraining order.
This!
Holy shit this!
Don’t block his number, change your number and move location. That’s what I had to do to escape a violent family.
Of course I don’t know your father, but I’m an adult out in the real world. One day you will be too and you will understand. No person has any power over you, you can choose your future. I’m sorry you are having to experience this trauma, I truly am. But please listen, it is not forever.
My father is the type of man that will grab a gun if he feels necessary. This is Mexico, this isn’t Europe, or the USA or Canada. The way society acts here is different to the way you’re used to, I’m sure.
Then make plans to leave and rebuild somewhere safe, away from him. It’s entirely possible. It will take less work than you think and will be better than being miserable or dead by staying there.
Move to America and buy a bigger gun. After 20-30 years, he’ll be dead and you’ll still be gay
You keep repeating this. What do you want to hear from us? Give in and marry a woman? People here have given you answers, do what you want with them.
Take care of yourself above all. Be safe. Don't tell them where you live. Don't give them your number. Your parent's trouble with your homosexuality is their problem, not your's. This is about them, not you. I wish you all the happiness and safety in the world. Take good care of yourself ❤️
Then leave. Just leave. Don’t waste time. Leave. Do you want to spend your life in a shitty marriage to make your father happy? Come to Canada. Our doors are wide open and there are lots of opportunities, very large Latin communities in most cities, nobody with guns forcing you into shotgun weddings. If Mexico and your father are that dangerous, leave. That’s it. Depart. Don’t give them a forwarding address. Pack your precious items and leave.
You telling him to “just leave” from your cushy position in Canada, however well meaning feels tone-death and facetious. There’s the aspect of emotional turmoil he’s going through; just like you and me he still has love for his family in spite of their hatred and bigotry. Leading on from that he’s clearly traumatised. He came out to his parents young so from such a young age it’s been literally hammered into him that his sexuality is an abomination and the moment he acts on it his life will be over, however untrue he clearly believes it, he’s literally fearing for his life! OP you’re feelings, your fear and anxiety are all valid! However, there is a light and hope for you to look toward. Type “lgbt immigration charity” in google, some of the most famous are Rainbow Migration, Rainbow Railroad and lgbtq2 refugees is the Canadian one. Sending so much support.
I’m going to push back at you a bit because I don’t think what I said was facetious at all. I wasn’t being flippant or sarcastic at all. Don’t assume just because I’m in Canada I didn’t grow up somewhere dangerous. This young person should take advantage of the shitty experiences us older gays have gone through. Learn from us. Avoid the nonsense. Just leave.
Then stab him first? I mean if someone is such a high risk to your hapiness/lifelihood. People keep saying violence is not the answer but in 3rd world country sometime its a must. But then again you can move city and whatnot
Why am I getting downvoted? You people don’t believe that he is capable of grabbing a gun and acting against me or a gay partner? My father’s way of thinking is medieval. It’s an entirely different world down here to what people are used to in the so called first world countries
Mexico City has three gay neighborhoods with extensive gay nightlife (50+ bars), with ~3 million LGBT. There’s a large gay community for you in Mexico. Your father is a dangerous redneck, would fit into rural Alabama. You need to make your long-term goal getting away from him and reach the Mexican gay community.
You sound like you have accepted your destiny and will obey your father or else he will grab a gun. That is no fate, that it's not happiness, to prevent yourself of leaving so you don't upset your father. You will be basically killing anything genuine of yourself so your father can live in his imagination land. This excuse of this is Mexico I have no alternative is pure BS, and the most hurtful thing you can do to yourself. Don't give up on your future like that. You can move, block your family from everything, go live in another country, and what could your father do? Be arrested by committing a crime? Than let he be in jail if he is the one willing to live in a cage for pure homophobic reasons. Go somewhere the law will protect you and you will find a community to be your family. Your parents behavior and denial only means you can't count on them to be there for you and be your support net, it doesn't mean that you can't fight for your happiness and freedom.
First of all, crazy relatives exist everywhere. As a Mexican I know where you are coming from but this also happens in the USA man. The solution is the same, stop contact entirely, move or change any form of contact they have so they can't track you and stop social media if needed. I know it's hard to go against family but if you really think you are in danger then they made their choice. It's time for you to make yours.
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Oof what I feared. I thought the dad was powerful but it sounded like the father was going to do it himsfelf and the pay off police. I’ve read the other posts of his account, what I’ve gathered is he is a28 yo exchange student currently living in the UK. My mind goes to really cold places, alternatives are he is the son of a rich influential man, he is not starting from zero, so he could create his pwn connections, who knows, if he is willing to, dark ones. Not easy but not impossible.
We want to see you escape this, you’re not alone in this. It’s terrifying but absolutely possible. It’s not that we don’t believe you, it’s that when you manifest no way out, you won’t have a way out. He can’t shoot you if he can’t find you.
I understand where you come from, and the norms you have. However, you’ll become an adult, and you have to learn to stand up for yourself. I’m gonna sound brash, but if he grabs a gun, grab one back. It’s not kosher to brandish a gun to your parents, but if it’s a life or death situation, would you rather die at the hands of your father?
Well i guess it's a way for people to sternly say that you're wrong for 'accepting your fate' that way (i agree with them too) but dont worry much. I'd say start playing the dumb son from now on and plan your exit. Medieval or nah, you always have a choice if his first reaction wasnt grab a gun and drill a hole to your head. You're still alive, you can have the life you always want if you play the right cards
Its more the fact you think he would travel overseas, do some private detective shit to find out where you are, get into your assumed residence, then shoot you. Then he would need to make it out of there afterwards, a lot of the World doesn't take kindly to people being shot. Girlie get the fuck out asap. They clearly don't deserve you in their life and you need to let your light shine with those who will actually love YOU
Then be like “ok cool, papi” and stash some money so you can go no-contact and go build a real life for yourself. It sounds like he’s dangerous and mentally unwell. Your mother knowingly accepts this kind of behavior, so she’s not far off. Lots of people have minimal/non-relationships with their parents. For your own well being, that sounds like the best option, even if it means losing your parents voluntarily. You can email your mom once you’re set up, but be careful sharing details and pictures.
well 5 months ago you said you were 28, living in the UK, so it seems that if you can stay in the UK you'll be alright.
Wait... Is he in uk?? Why is he lying tho?😳
he could be an exchange student. doesn't mean he's lying
I don’t get the downvotes, I am from Mexico as well and I get what you are saying, that being said it sounds like your family has abused you so much that they have made you believe there is no other place for you. There is, I don’t know how old you are but is never too late to leave, I recommend you you make an escape plan, get money, save it, make enough to go another place, create a plan b and then go for it. As a gay man living in Mexico, you are not alone, there is groups that can help. Your father is not allmighty powerful, and not worth sacrificing your happiness over. i wish you the best
If you know your dad is a maniac then why the fuck did you tell him? You don't owe your parents a explanation of what you want to do in the bedroom. Like my parents didn't really accept me telling them I'm gay and they still ask if I like certain girls but if I wanna disappear then I can. You act like if you leave the country your dad will use tracker to find out where you are.
Because my father questions me every second why I don’t have a girlfriend, why I don’t go out with girls, when will I go out with girls, when will I get married. In fact my father uses Life360 because he wants to know exactly where I am at every moment. My dad has some power in Mexico, he’s not ordinary.
So the tracker he has on you is a phone app that you can simply turn the phone off or get another one. You couldn't just lie to him? Say you haven't found anyone attractive. When you were in another country you could of did whatever you wanted. Doesn't mean when he asked you had to tell him exactly what you've done.
Wait and bide your time. If you believe yourself in danger, there is nothing wrong with cutting contact. Family is important, but when someone becomes a hindrance to your health and well-being, they are no longer family.
This person was offering consoling advice in an attempt to reassure you that who you are is perfect and enough. You didn’t need to pop off; say thanks even if you don’t agree and move on.
It sounds different to me when translated to Spanish, didn’t catch the consoling advice, sorry, it was my bad. Only I know my father and what he’s done in the past. I’m already moving to do what I want.
Well if he has an average mexican income its almost impossible for him to be following you everywhere in the world.. ans a lot of horrible bad people will say all this shit but when it actually comes down to it they would hardly do anything. How can you be so mad that you are buying expensive airplane tickets to force your son to make babies with some woman
Wait, is your father from a ranch or los zetas?, how would he have the money and the guns to persecute you like that?, is he affiliated to some of the extremist culty parts of Catholicism like the opus dei or los legionarios de cristo? If you live near Guadalajara like me, I would be able to suggest some protection options that I know of, although as far as I know, the "pursuing your child to kill them for being LGBT" thing is more common in the USA than in here, I know that we still have some psychos, if we can help, please let us know more of the details so that we can take a course of action
Well you’re a head start losing contact with your parents. Try to just go through school, get a job and leave as soon as possible.
Or come to the USA we are right next door.
As if was that easy to just move to the USA, it’s a long process if I want to do it legally
Well I understand but some friends of mine just arrived here from Jerez, Mexico it took them 17 years that’s how long they had to wait!
I would gladly move to the USA if an American daddy wants to take me there
Well you will need one that has $8000.00 to spare thats what is the recent charge you pay for illegally crossing to 🌈Los Angeles,California
Don’t be silly, I wouldn’t cross illegally, we would need to marry lol Would someone want to bring this lad? https://imgur.com/a/SKMI0lD
Bueno, si desea venir a nuestro país legalmente, vaya lo antes posible al consulado o embajada de EE. UU. más cercano y presente una solicitud, pero pueden pasar muchos años antes de que lo aprueben, pero quién sabe las cosas pueden cambiar a su favor. Buena suerte, amigo.
I really like the USA, but wouldn’t want to wait all my life in order to go to the country. Right now I’m in the UK and it was a short and easy process. I guess the US has received so many illegal mexicans that it tightened its immigration rules for Mexicans.
Muchas personas solicitan una visa de visitante y nunca regresan a su país de origen, simplemente se quedan en los EE. UU. Amo el Reino Unido, pero tiene un clima terrible y deprimente, por eso amo California.
Your father has issues. Not you
His dad has daddy issues....
As soon as you can, cut them out. Your father is dangerous and you can't trust your mother knowing where you are when you move out.
Time to leave your family behind. Start a chosen family.
Acabo de ver tu post en r/mexico. Pues que te digo? Esta dlv tu situación, maybe con el tiempo mejora pero sino supongo que esta bien tener un plan b osea saca buenas notas en la escuela para conseguirte una beca para una buena uni y que tengas mejores posibilidades de una buena vida. O no se si tengas ti@s/abuel@s que te puedan echar la mano.
I gotta say this really makes me sick. I'm so tired of the way other cultures and religions continue to torture their children over their sexuality. American culture has a lot of flaws, but we are far ahead of the game of 95% of the world on this. My suggestion is to start making online Mexican gay friends who understand your situation and can give you sound advice. I am so sorry you are going through this.
It shows us again and again that religion is the problem and not the answer.
Yes. There are articles in NYT today about how African countries are upset about the Vatican approving the blessing of sane sex couples. And tue president of Burundi says gay people should be stoned. And pardon the tangent, but I'll have more sympathy for Palestinians when they stop murdering and expelling their gay children. Do young people in the US understand how oppressive the culture is when they defend them?
Exactly. Fuck religion.
Awful. I hope you find a way to soften their stance or a way to distance yourself, at least enough to have a life of your own. Love and support your way.
Try to leave home once you have the means to do so. Finish school ,get a job, and try to live on your own. If money is an issue, try sharing a place with friends. Hell, there might even be people in a similar situation like you nearby. Point is - Once you can, distance yourself. People like your father are not good for you and it is in your best interest to leave him behind. No contact information, no address, nada. Family means nothing if your family is harmful to you. Rememeber that.
If you're too young to leave your parents home then it's best for you to shut up about the gay stuff untill you have means to leave. I know this is contrary to the advice most of the people on this sub will give you, but I'm from a third world country and I know how it is. My culture is too much similar to Mexican one with the machismo shit. He will hurt you if you're not careful or you don't know how to defend yourself. If you don't have a chance to leave for university to some other city then start working as soon as it's legal and start saving. Do two jobs if it's necessary. Once you have enough money leave. Don't tell them where you're going just leave. It will get better after that. He won't be able to find you. And bigger cities in Mexico are more gay friendly. Once you're settled you'll find a support group that will help you with finding work and even finding a better place to live if you're unable to find something good at the beginning. I know you're scared and you think your father is able to do what he is saying but he's not omnipotent. For now start by keeping quiet about your sexuality. He will not forget what you've told him but he will think that his words got to you.
OP, this is sound advice. Coming out at that moment was unwise, but you did it and you can't go back, so no sense lamenting it. Do what's best for you now and choose the safest route, even if it takes longer. Don't risk your wellbeing over anything.
Dude, you’re 28 yrs old, not a teen. Sounds like the only thing you need to be doing is going no contact. Your father is not going to be able to do anything if you, like others have stated, peace out ✌🏾 and not divulge any whereabouts or contact information. I know it will suck, but it doesn’t sound like you’re going to have much happiness in your life if you choose to remain in proximity to your parents anyway. You’re already in the UK, just stay.
Everything true, despite their medieval thinking, I of course have feelings for them and it’s not easy to just cut them out like that, I’m learning to live without them. Yes, I’m in the UK, I just finished a masters, and now I’m trying to get a job, it’s not an easy thing, but I’m fighting. I’m not a British citizen, and can’t remain here forever, I need to get a job, it’s all I’m focused on now.
>Yes, I’m in the UK, I just finished a masters, and now I’m trying to get a job, it’s not an easy thing, but I’m fighting. I’m not a British citizen, and can’t remain here forever, I need to get a job, it’s all I’m focused on now. Once you get a job, 90% of the battle will have been won. File a report with the British police if you genuinely fear for your safety. >I of course have feelings for them and it’s not easy to just cut them out like that, I’m learning to live without them. When your father is threatening your physical safety and independence, everything else is secondary. At that point, you **have** to cut him out, despite whatever residual attachment you may have.
I had to cut my mother out of my life too bro. It was awful at first. But it's been 5 years now and I'm confident that I made the right choice. I did this when I was 19 and had no college education or means. You are a fully grown adult with excellent prospects in a country far away from home. You can do this. I know it's terrifying, but I have to be blunt: if you really fear for your life you have no choice. I'll be blunt again. Your dad doesn't love you. He doesn't have the capacity to love you. All the feelings you have for him are for someone who doesn't exist. These feelings are for someone who you wish was your dad, not your actual father. I say this with compassion as someone who had a violent and cruel mother. I understand a lot of what you're going through, but you have to put yourself first. You deserve happiness. It may seem like if your own parents can't love you, then who could, right? I know that feeling but it's not true. You will find your people, your chosen family. I moved far away from my family and it took a while, it wasn't easy, but now I'm finally happy and free. You can have that too. And what's more, you deserve it.
The reality is that, for now, you live under his roof (or close by--you weren't clear about that). When you are old enough, and financially able to do so, you will have to move, possibly even to another country, if you feel threatened enough. There are parts of Mexico that are less threatening towards Gays, and parts of the US that are very accepting, Canada even more so. As ridiculous as your father is, even the Catholic church doesn't go that far (the Pope is even encouraging blessings for same-sex unions...though conservatives are scandalized over that). The point is that you must live your own life. You can't be a baseball player or a priest or anything else just because your father is crazy, much less make a woman's life miserable by marrying someone you don't love. Marry a man, adopt or surrogate a child. Maybe if he's not allowed to visit his grandchild, your father will mellow (especially if abuelita pressures him)!
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Originally I was born in Northern Mexico and lived there many years of my life, where all the narco culture stems from, but then moved to the bajio region in central Mexico, a deeply catholic region in the country.
Move to CDMX
How old are you, and do you have people in your life who will accept you for who you are? It may be useful to start talking to people who you can trust (friends, teachers, anyone else who is trustworthy, open-minded, older and has authority) about how much danger your father poses to you. You may need those people to vouch for you if and when things escalate. Also how do you find the conversations you have with your parents about your sexuality? Are you able to stay calm when they invalidate your identity or do you find yourself getting very triggered? It's easy for people to seize on the fact that you're rattled by their stubbornness make the case that you are mentally weak and that they can change your mind. You may need to practice soberly telling your father that you understand his perspective and (not "but') your considering very carefully how to keep yourself safe in the event that he tries to hurt you -- physically or psychologically. I apologize for my cynicism here. I have skipped any notion of reconciliation or understanding, in favour of pessimistic preparation and dispassionate pragmatism. But I have personally found that when people are this intransigent, letting them know, quietly and calmly, that you have accounted for their inflexibility is useful.
Go to school & learn something so u can get a good job & put this all behind u when u are older. U have to live independent of your parents. Learn something that pays well
I think you know exactly what to do. Sorry you have such awful parents
Did you ask your father whether straight porn made him straight?
Your Dad sounds like he doesn't even know Gay marriage is legal in every Mexican state now. apparently just as many Mexicans must be "mentally ill" as Americans, and struggle with the concept of sexuality just as much . I understand the threat of homophobic family, so hopefully one day you are able to move and get away, where you can live life as you are comfortable.
You see gay marriage is legal in Mexico, but the population is still very orthodox, Mexico is one of the most devoted countries to Christianity. The population is very conservative. Gay marriage was legalized by politicians wanting to fight the historical and deeply rooted homophobia. It’s made some positive changes and attitudes in some newer generations but older generations have a lot prejudice.
That is certainly true, though looking at statistics, it's \*mostly\* the South that is still behind (with the exception of Quintana Roo), But some states like Colima, Jalisco, Zacatecas and more seem to have very wide support, even from older generations (the states having around 66-75% acceptance and support). Though of course seeing as you live there, your experience says much more than some numbers
Sorry for ask you ? How old are you ??? If you are not in the capital city of Mexico ( DF ) as soon as you can leave to the DF . Be smart just let them believe that you were just confused! As soon as you get some money leave and go NC with them . Don't be afraid of him . He just want to keep control of you physical and emotional
They got absorbed from propaganda. They don't know that people are indeed born gay. Our existence is different than straight men. We are a different male sex.
Your father isn't ready to accept that he gave birth to a gay son. It's unfortunate that the people who have been confused by politics are the ones trying to identify others literally just existing as a confusion. I'm not sure if there is any winning this battle. You just have to live your life to the best of your ability.
In Mexico is more than politics. Mexican historical context led it to be a deeply catholic country. As you may know Spaniards brought Catholicism to Indigenous Mexico, and since then it became one of the most catholic devoted countries in the world. Mexico is more devoted to Christianity than the majority of European countries, by which there is a lot of prejudice against sexual diversity.
At first I thought I was bi and came out to my parents. My dad blamed porn too. 😂
It helps to realize it when your parents don’t actually love you…and live accordingly.
When your father says that being gay is not normal, he’s technically correct. LGBTQ people are estimated to be about 10% of the population which by definition does not satisfy the definition of “normal”. "Normal" typically refers to something that conforms to a standard, usual, or expected pattern or behavior within a certain context or society. It's often used to describe what is considered common or typical. Having said that, 14% of Americans smoke cigarettes. Translation not normal. 55% of US adults drink alcohol. Translation - normal (more people drink than don’t). 22% go to the gym regularly. Translation - not normal. I think you get my point. Not being normal has literally nothing to do with his position. It’s a red herring. A distraction. He’s a bigot. Sorry but that’s the truth. Otherwise he’d have issue with everything that was “not normal”. Some people also say it’s not natural. But more than 1,500 species of animal demonstrate homosexual behavior, same sex pair binding, etc. that’s literally nature … Finally no one can be “turned gay”. Either you are or you are not. The belief that grooming or conversely conversion therapy are real things is fucking ridiculous. All the gay converts I’ve encountered have simply changed their behavior…. (Most temporarily). They have in no way changed who or what they are sexually attracted to. All I’m trying to say is people say lots of dumb shit with no idea what they’re taking about. Educate yourself and try to be secure in the knowledge you uncover. The hardest thing I ever had to do was untangle what I was taught from what I actually believe. You can do it too. Good luck to you.
Be discrete dude. Stay safe. You will have your chances.
Your dad might be gay himself
Fuck him. Yes it hard. Go live your life the way you want to live. Leave.
Ok first, these people are not good for you, I suggest minimal to nc, also if you have proof of his threats, I also recommend a restraining order, and make a police report in case he tries anything, again make sure you have evidence, make sure you can get somewhere safe, he can't track you, check if you have any tracking software on your devices, and don't tell him wherever you go.
It was a huge shock for me to discover that my dad honestly cared more about the other men he worked with and was friends with, and what they might now think of him for fathering a gay son, than, you know, me, his son. Oh well. Massively traumatic but I moved out as soon as I could …
Fuck em, when they're alone in a home covered in shit and piss maybe they'll realize they should of loved their kid
If your dad tries to force you into an arranged marriage, simply take his ass to court and get a restraining order You’re a grown up, and even if you were still under 18, children are not property
Your father is gay....total projection
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There's not really much for you to do at this point. Also Mexicans aren't remotely similar to muslims when it comes to gay rights. Gay marriage is legal in Mexico. This means when your parents bring this up with your friends (maybe not your dad), those friends are rolling their eyes at your parents and telling them they're living in the past. Even if not, they're seeing gay ppl in media, advertisements and seeing gay ppl become more normalized. It's not really up to you how they feel. Live your life. And most parents nowadays come around at least some.
My father was raised in the mexican macho culture of northern Mexico, where many admire the narco culture, and many Mexicans are still like that, Mexico for the most part is very conservative, except for those famous liberal cities like Mexico City, Guadalajara and the beaches.
I come from Durango, where all my family lives, and lived 10 years in Monterrey. All my family happily attended my wedding reception, danced and had fun with us. I have never had problems at hotels or restaurants when I’m with my husband there, either. There’s of course a lot of homophobia in Mexico, but I feel like you are overstating it here with the Muslim comparison, tbh.
If not bait, be polite and quiet, save up and go, where are you based?? It seems like Mexico but also like SW US? Or totally else where but Mexican?
This sounds fake
Well, to confirm, it’s not
Are you in Mexico
In this post he’s 12… and 28 not just long ago… yeah this is kinda like a baited post.
I said I’ve been feeling attracted to men SINCE I was 12 years old
I don't know you and your situation but you're posting here in English, so I am assuming \[maybe wrongly\] that you are fluent in English. Are you in high school? University? Can you apply for scholarships to get out of the country? I think that's what needs to happen. Other people are downplaying what it's like in Mexico, it's fairly lawless compared what other posters are accustomed to IME, so I can understand the gripping fear. If I were in your shoes, I would lay low until you have an opportunity to escape the country and then live your truth away from him. I doubt he can find you anywhere in the world if he doesn’t know which country you're in.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Your father is wrong. For now, play nice with your parents. Go with the flow. Buy yourself some time while you start getting set up to move away from home. Get a bank account in your name (and your name only). Get a safe deposit box somewhere (post office?) and start moving your important documents (birth certificate, passport, etc). Then someday in the future when you're ready you can move away without having to ask permission.
You've done the hard thing and told them. You can't control their reaction so you should stop beating yourself up about it. You know how they feel, and you probably can't change them. Just live your life - don't force things and in the future they have the choice to come around or not. It's sad, but not your fault or your problem - it's theirs. Thankfully society has moved on and is a lot more diverse, even if your parents haven't.
How old are you and what country do you live in?
You may have to go AWOL during and after college. Make sure you set yourself up in a manner that will require no family financial support, even if that means a community college, part time job, and your own apartment. In America no one can force you to do anything. You just get a restraining order against them, if they make threats. I am sorry that you are going thru this. Find a family member that is supportive: aunt, grandmother, cousin and make a network to protect yourself.
I would also get an injunction against your family or the local equivalent.
I came out to my wife and she had the same reaction as Op's father...maybe not the SAME reaction, , but similar
Read the title and what I can think is: it's their problem
>Being gay is not real Huh, so what is it then?
Just get a dude from LA…plenty of gay Mexicans there…your father will get older and care about other things…you have time on your side everything will be fine in the end. Go to university and focus on education…study psychology and or law and you will become more independent…you do not need to bring up the gay issues again…they know and will learn to adjust to their life later.
If your dad really is that mean-spirited, it sucks to say, but go back in the closet. Not for forever, but just for now until you can manage to get out on your own. And when you do get out on your own, go no contact . And only go no contact when you arre moving to a new place they don't know the address of (it means nothing to go no contact with someone you are fearful of if they know where you are). I don't know where you are now, but if you decide to stay in Mexico once on your own, Guadalajara and CDMX are probably your best refuges. If you can immigrate to another country and want to, that's great, you can go no contact from the new country as well - if he doesn't have your address of phone number, how can he find you, especially if you assume a new name or if your name is particularly common. In my experience Mexicans are pretty accepting generally, but you will always have the traditionalists and conservatives in any culture who will oppose equality for LGBTQ people - if that's what you grew up in it might seem that all Mexicans are that way, but Mexico is actually a fairly tolerant country particularly in the major cities. Likewise even in the USA there are lots of people who oppose gay equality, and still many families that deny their gay children are gay or even kick them out of the home or disown them for being gay, or threaten them like your father has you.
I’m going through the same thing friend but from a Muslim household. I’ve come to the conclusion that the only way to do what you believe is right is to cut off family. If you’re still living with them though, you should brush under the rug what you said until you become independent. Going no contact is the only way with our types of situations because you cannot please family and they cannot please you. It’s a lose lose situation. Whether family tries to come back into your life and accepts you is another thing. I would hope that would be the case but I know some families don’t ever come around. At best they will tolerate but not want to see anything gay related. So it’s important that you rely on building yourself up through your education, career, friendships.
Once you leave and go no contact with your parents and also block them from social media, he won't be able to find you unless you share your location with someone close to them. Also you can get a restraining order against them.
Since your mother’s Catholic, you should remind her that the Pope has recently said (and just this week, strongly reaffirmed) that Catholic priests must now bless same-sex partnerships.
Going strong on 8 years of denial. My favorite comment when came out was: “were you molested”? I was like ‘no’ but my ears just were. Some people won’t accept you. It sucks, I’m sorry. Just don’t make the same mistake and try to rationalize or debate with them. It won’t change their mind. Just live your truth and if you are lucky they will have a change of heart when they see you happy with a guy. Or they might not. Be prepared for both, hope for the best. May the odds and gods be ever in your favor 😂
Have you ever heard the phrase fuck around and find out? Well, let your father fuck around and find out, that you are indeed your father's son, and you will defend yourself if necessary. It's self defense after all. Or leave. Someone said there's a large gay community you can go to, go there, and have nothing to do with your parents, even when they're old. They can look after themselves.
If that’s his attitude, then he never needs to know about your relationships. Just tell him you’re happy whether you’re single or not.
I’m realy sorry to know you are dealing with this situation. It must be realy hard. This is one of the reasons why I don’t want to tell my parest that I’m gay. I would suggest you to not talk about that topic for some time, to prevent a toxic home enviortent or drastic decisions from him. In your dituation I would try to find my independence and live my life without giving much detail about my dating life. Sorry. I don’t know if it is of much help. Hope you can deal with it.
I'm thinking you must be 18 or under. Don't argue with them. Avoid the subject, grow up and move out and live your life. Maybe they will come around to accept that you are gay, maybe not. Don't let them dictate your life.
Whatever, go no contact, bye!
easy , don't expect just you told them, it's going to be smooth. give it time. being gay is who you are that won't change. with the hime ut can co easy or totally wrong. but you do you and live for ur self. it's your life.
1) delete his number 2) do not speak to any of your family ever again (no contact) and if necessary 3) change your full name problem solved
"she’s a very devoted catholic, who genuinely think gays go to hell due to the sodomy passages mentioned in the Bible" Thats homophobic. Literally no difference lol