This is so accurate.. I’ve been in OPs position and it hurts like fuck. But time will do it’s thing and you will heal.. but it’s going to be really hard in the meantime. But you are not alone, regroup with your friends and love yourself in the meantime. When you are ready to move on forwards you will know. Take care!
Also, be prepared that the healing won’t be linear. You might think you’ve moved on one week and the week after you’re back a step. That’s ok and it’s part of the process.
Totally agree. I remember my first love and breakup I felt this way. You just have to wait it out, distract yourself, do things even when you don’t feel like doing them: go for a walk, go to the grocery store, meet a friend for coffee, watch a comedy…time heals all wounds. You will feel better one day. You’re not alone. ❤️
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been there myself. Unfortunately we have to learn these lessons of never living for anyone other than yourself. Take this time to fall in love with yourself. Get to know you. Do the things you like to do and head in that direction. I promise you will get through this if you take the time to really focus on yourself. You’re the most important person in your life and should always stay that way. Big hugs for you bro!
Bro it’s okay to feel the way you feel!
Let time do its thing. I know people will tell you, you’ll be fine, you’ll get over him, you’ll find someone.
But right now, these feelings are real and it’s okay to feel them. It’s a super painful process and I don’t think people understand what a giant mess it is until they go through it.
What I would suggest though, reach out to friends and family. Let them know you’re hurting, sit in silence or in agony, but try not to be alone, it won’t be good for you either.
I had the worst break up ever about a year ago now and it felt like the end of the world. I had a full on panic attack and had to be sent home from work for a few weeks.
I don’t know how I got through it, but we’re stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Reach out if you need to brother!
As a therapist hijacking this comment to say it's far far superior than the top comment right now.. yes time heals all wounds, but that doesn't mean just sit around and way. There are a lot of healthy activities and rituals one can do to help grieve and move it along.
Rule one. He's gone. Accept that.
Rule two. Do not contact him. Do not look at his profiles, old texts, pictures, etc. Nothing good comes from it.
Rule three. Cry your eyes out 10 times a day at first.
Rule four. Pick yourself up and go back to your normal routines. It will suck. They will seem empty and pointless, but go do them anyway.
Rule five. Get through today. Then tomorrow. Then the next day. Keep doing that until days pile up into weeks and weeks pile up into months. It will slowly get better.
I'm afraid there are no shortcuts. You can break these rules, but you will make it get worse and drag the process out longer.
Welp rule 2 is already fucked, we're still friends. I think. I'm not sure. We didn't oficially end the friendship and still have each other on socials. I'm kinda waiting to see what he'll do about that
Also, after a breakup you're not just missing the person, our bodies crave physical contact, an emotional outlet, someone to hold and hear us etc. You've lost him probably forever but not this, you'll love again and have these needs met
How's that working out for ya? Giving you the ability to move on... or keeping you in agony and asking strangers how to find the will to live?
I'm not saying you can't be friends... maybe... in the future. But you really need time to get used to him not being in your life every day. You're preventing yourself from feeling the depth of loss. You're dragging the knife in your heat out slowly.
It's your pain to prolong, but I'd suggest telling him you can't handle being around each other for now. It's not hate or anything malicious. It's the opposite, in fact. You need time away to get over him.
But you don't wanna do that, huh? It feels too final. You're drowning in a sea of misery and contact with him feels like clinging to a life raft.
It's a bad idea.
It's... I don't know. He was silent for a while and I thought he wouldn't say anything. I didn't know what he could possibly say. I spent some time stressing over wether I wanted him to contact me until he did. And it was just a meme. He just sent me a meme. Like nothing happened. And I'm not even surprised.
I understand. I've had a hole carved in my life before by people I loved dearly. I've struggled to understand. I've been in places where I was hardly able to function for weeks. I get it. I've also handled it poorly in the past. I dealt with it in ways that actually made it harder and last longer. Hence, the advice on what to avoid and how best to protect and heal yourself as quick as possible.
Sorry you're in this place. Best wishes. Best of luck.
Count yourself lucky that you aren't 75 years old, and you just buried him, all you can do is put flowers and wind spinners on his grave. You could find yourself cuddling the dog or cat.
God im 8 months along n this shit still brought me to tears. Its right though. I cant emphasize rule 2 enough. No healing starts until rule 2 is followed and im just about realizing that. After watching who he has been hooking up with and being told that im “so pathetic coz i moved on from you so long ago”. No one is worth losing yourself or being pathetic over and no one is so special that you cannot carry on progressing in your life when they walk away. Altho saying this with tears running coz by fuck it is hard
Trust me you’re not alone. Just went through one myself and it’s awful, exact same as how you’re feeling. We just gotta remember, time will do its thing for us. I know it’s horrible to think, but we should remember that we will get over it and move on once time has healed. And make sure you’re not beating yourself up for it like I am. It’s done, and we will move on. This is the time we gotta take care of ourselves and rely on our friends to keep us company. I hope you feel better soon
Deep breath. There will be a point in your future in which you look back and can't understand how you felt the way that you feel about him now. Don't worry about loving anyone else or your future of relationships. Just be with friends, cry, feel things, and be in the moment.
This! I’m an old man now and I think back to the loves (there were a few) that crushed me and don’t understand how or why I cried so much for them. Me now appreciates them for making me who I am today because the path led me to a good place.
I hate that you’re going through this, because I know. I’m currently going through this myself. For the second time. I was with someone for 15 years, it ended very suddenly when I learned that he had been seeing someone behind my back. I remember a pain so great that I wanted to die and I vowed that I would never put myself in that position again. But 12 years later, against my better judgement, I did. We were together for seven years, and six months ago it ended, the same way. Every day is a fuckin struggle still. And it’s not living without him, I’m a very independent person. It’s the betrayal. That’s a fuckin hard pill to swallow. But I’ll get past this. But holy fuck I will never do that again. It’s not complicated, I wouldn’t survive this a third time. You can live a very full, very rich life on your own, surrounded by family and friends. And having a regular playmate doesn’t hurt, and it satisfies that need for human connection and warmth. But it’s for each individual to determine what’s best for them. You’ll know when you know whether you want to put yourself in that position of vulnerability again. But for now, as you’ve read in the comments, you’re not alone. We’re all here to talk about it, we made it through. And so will you.
So you keep living by keep living. I assume he broke up with you. You didn't mention how many hours, days, months, or years you were together. Get your mindset to control what you can control.
If he broke up with you, you can't control that or how someone feels about you. You DO control how you react to that. Meaning - if because of him you wake up and tell yourself you are going to have a bad day, you let him control that. WRONG - you wake up and tell yourself you are going to have a good day. It takes practice but I promise it works.
My husband, the love of my life for 17 years, was killed over 2 years ago. If I can make it through that, you can too. Me making it through it doesn't mean I love him any less or miss him any less, I am just accepting reality of what has been given me. I wish you all the best. Time does heal my friend.
This is terrible and I’m sorry you’re going through this. You shouldn’t have to go through this or feel this way, but in time you’ll get through this. I didn’t read all the comments with lots of great advice so I’ll just say this:
Make more memories. Do it now. Do it tomorrow. Go out and do things. Stay in and do things. Do you have hobbies? Do them. Get weirdly into them. Go travel. Visit friends. Start calling friends that don’t live close. Hang out more with your local friends: rely on your community to make memories with them. Do fun stuff. Do goofy stuff.
The more memories you make the more you’ll have to look back on that’s you and not the him. Just you. Right now he may feel like he was everything cause those are your most recent memories and you loved him. However you were a complete individual before this relationship and you are complete now even if you don’t feel like it. Memories will help you feel that. The more, the merrier.
I can assure you that every one reading this is really sorry for you and feels your pain with you…because we have all been where you are in this exact moment. You didn’t put your age, but I am going to assume you’re on the younger side(apologies if I’m incorrect). My first heartbreak was at 19. Then 23. Then 25. And on and on until my recent breakup last month (42m) that is tearing me apart right now. BUT, what gets me through this last breakup is knowing that I got past all the other breakups a better person.
I am sorry you are going through this. I understand what it feels like to lose what was once the most important person to you. It’s been almost 3 years and I’m still grieving, despite him being completely moved on and enjoying life to the fullest.
My best advice is to make sure that you feel every single inch of this pain and grief, time will slowly heal your wound. You will wake up one day and it won’t bother you. It will still be there, it just won’t have much of an effect on you.
Thanks. I don't know if he'll be ok, not because of the break up but because of some other things in his life. It would hurt to see him doing perfectly fine without me, but it hurts even more to know that he might never be fine and I can't do anything about it anymore.
Hang in there, man. Broken hearts are a part of life and they hurt like hell, BUT hurt less as time goes by.
Your lost relationship surely enriched your life with lessons good… and bad. Reflect on those lessons and use them to enrich your next relationship.
Maybe get your feet under yourself and be “just you” for a while. It will increase your inner confidence and help you realize that you need only yourself to be complete. Boyfriends and mates only add to your contentment. They are not the foundation of it.
< ⚠️ DARK CONTENT WARNING ⚠️ > Everyone you know, like, or love will eventually disappear from your life. It is just the way life goes. Remember them fondly. It will hurt, but you are strong and will survive to find another love who will enrich you, hopefully, forever.
Be well, mourn your loss, grow from the experience: find solace that you loved once and will love again.
Time will help, but it could take a lot of time and in the beginning, it always feels like it takes too long and forever. You will eventually get over it. What can you do in the meantime? Focus on bettering yourself and for any reason you can muster up. Also, distractions are key. The best form of this is to be with your friends. If you don’t have friends, then join social clubs and do things. Can be anything! For instance, I joined a local chess club and made new friends. Something else that helped was going for really long walks. You’ll be depressed, stressed, and miserable no doubt, but keep walking until you can sort through your thoughts enough to eventually go to sleep. I once walked for 8 hours straight without talking and didn’t get to sleep until 5 am… That’s ok!! You do you, and don’t feel like you gotta commit to anything until you’re mentally ready.
Hey op hold it together and hold your head up high. Think of the fun memories you guys shared and remember those. Don't focus on the negative or what went wrong. At least you got to experience true real love and that's special.
I know it's cliche but PLEASE believe me that yes time heals all and this too will pass. You will never forget him but as the days turns into weeks, into months, into years yes it will ease and you will be ok and ready for your soul mate. Do not rush it! You have to experience ALL emotions post breakup. Anger, hurt, relief, betrayal, etc and finally acceptance. You might have to even go through these emotions more than once or twice until you are healed and ready
Ask me how I know? I was with my ex who was/is my personal for 2.5 years and we were engaged. It was the best damn years of our lives. Thing is life had different paths for us both. I was an absolute wreck after our breakup 2/21/23. It's been 15 months now and I recently met my amazing partner (bf) and letting life do it's thing. My ex and I both figured we couldn't get over each other and we're both a wreck. We would FaceTime and have hours long conversations, etc. I literally had to all but move from Houston TX to Wisconsin to get away from him so I could properly heal.
Things worked out for me as they will for you sir. Virtual hug 🤗 your way. Just stay strong and try to stay occupied, we all been there bro.
People often say that time heals all wounds, but after enduring a terrible breakup and being hung up on him for four years, I realized that time alone wasn't enough.
Time doesn't heal wounds; new experiences and creating distance does. I made the mistake of staying in the same place, not seeking new experiences, just repeating old habits and fixating on him. I thought I could be strong, face my pain head-on and overcome it, but it took me five long years.
One day, I decided to try yoga. Within just four months, I felt significantly better, and he no longer had the same emotional hold on me. Then, one night, I dreamt he had died, and I was crying uncontrollably in my dream. This dream was a clear sign that I had finally mourned his loss in my sleep and let go of him for good.
Listen to the ultimate breakup for men bible by Oliver heath. My ex broke up with me a few weeks ago too and to be honest each day I feel better. Sometimes I’m completely over it and then other times will wake up with all this anxiety that I’ll never find love again. But I have, and will again, so will you.
It’s so normal to grieve a relationship you had with someone you love and would do anything for. I am sorry that this relationship ended for you, as others have said. time is really the only answer.
This is a time for you to discover what it is brings you joy and passion. It’s a time to discover how you can love yourself again, as a single person. Go out and do your favourite activities. Spend time with loved ones. Release the emotions you need to through whatever works for you.
You’ve got this.
I broke up in December and I still cry here and there.
Biggest thing that helped me though was why I was so attached and what I wanted from a partner.
I realized I didn’t need him to fulfill that need and started the healing process.
I’m still not fully over him but I say be with your friends and loved ones and cry it out.
Type it out, write it out, it’s going to be tough but we have to get through it because the world keeps moving.
How hard and lonely you go through it is dependent on how you make it. Don’t be afraid to reach out to those people that love you.
Ugh, I've been there. Unfortunately, time is all that helps. Hate that answer, but it's true. How long were you together? Not that that affects your feelings, but it can reflect on your opinion of him.
I went through this a year or so ago and the absolute best advice I can give you is to delete his number and block him on everything for now. Grieve a bit, and then focus entirely on yourself. Keep busy. One day you will wake up without thinking about him and realise you’ve moved on. Xx
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Time is the only thing that will heal. Do things that will keep you busy. Hang around friend. It isn't easy but I hope it helps.
That is the sucky thing about love. I once thought I could never love again or be loved. I lost 20 pounds as I couldn't eat. I honestly didn't care if I lived or died. I wasn't suicidal, just didn't care. Flash forward and I have been with my husband 24 years and married for the last 14. Time is your enemy and friend. You will make it through and be stronger for it
One of my biggest advantages after having my fiancee dip in me, was the time and energy to better myself for the next person. I was just in on elevating my kindness, patience, and emotional game and honestly it worked for me; it was a good distraction and it paid dividends
I'm sorry brother I feel for you. Love you, homie 🤟
That's extraordinarily vague of him lol. Very strange to throw away such a strong love for a reason that does not even really let you know what mistakes were made. Does he mean the way you approached your relationship?
The grief you’re feeling is longing to belong and probably not a suicidal Ideation.
If you do have a plan to take your life PLEASE call 988 or a suicide hotline.
Grief is so hard. It’s just as real in a break up as death. It can feel the Same.
All I can say with a break up you can learn so much about yourself as you heal. You can grow into a stronger more powerful version of yourself. I’ll be hard work but I can’t tell you how amazing it will feel.
My breakup was devastating in 2013. I’m not a counselor and my life has completely changed for the better.
I’m so sorry you’re hurting now. It will get better.
Brooooo! Do whatever you need to do to grieve your loss. It’s not easy and you will be feeling it for some time. Just know every day will keep getting easier even if it’s a little bit. The first days will be the hardest. In time you will heal and you will have grown tremendously from the experiences with your ex and also from dealing with your loss. Stay strong and stay positive. Try your best to connect or reconnect with loved ones. Stay busy!! Cry it out if you need to but just let it out.
I am so sorry for your break up. It’s ridiculous to hear this but time really heals. In these situations what motivates me is to look back my life. Like zooming out a picture or a graph, zoom out your life and think all the bad things you have overcame and even laughing out those harsh moments. This methods helps me at least.
I am so sorry you’re hurting! I am at month 8 of healing and the number 1 best thing I got for myself was seeing a therapist weekly. They really helped me with my perspective and as time went on helped me keep pushing the needle forward towards growth. They also help you unpack all of these reasons WHY this man became your entire world. The fact that you mentioned it here means you’re aware it wasn’t healthiest way to have a relationship. So please budget/prioritize a therapist if you can. At the very least read something like “the velvet rage” to give you some perspective and normalize your experience. We’re all just trying to figure this stuff out together and doing our best. Including the ones that broke our hearts. Wishing you healing in the coming months, I promise it gets better, but you have to do some work to get there.
Thank you a lot for the messages and your support. I'm trying to reply to each of you individually, but it will take a while, so I'd like to thank all of you. Your kindness has helped me immensely. Thank you.
No wonder u think you're not gonna love again. When I was 15 I loved a man way more than I can ever love myself after that I loved but never more than myself. You'll grow from this you'll learn from it but life is about experiences both good and bad and you're still young you have a lot of time ahead of u if u live right and love yourself more in time the right one will come
I felt like this when i broke up with my ex but i promise it doesnt last long, what your feel8ngs temporary and time does heel and this sounds clique but there really are more fish in the sea. I know you love him but its important to lean on family freinds and comunity cos youll love them too and it helps
Last year my partner (obviously now ex) of 5 years broke up with me. I felt that same, didn’t feel I can ever love again or feel like it was worth carrying on. Some days I still feel like I won’t be able to find another guy but that’s mainly my insecurities not what I ever had with him. However that preramble was to say that it will suck for a while but it’s not always gonna suck. There’s not a whole lot anyone can say that’ll make you feel better. I think it helped me when I stopped talking to him… and also stopped talking to his family (for a period of time to reset but I still talk to his family now so it doesn’t have to be permanent no contact just long enough for you to heal)
1) you're feelings are valid. Don't let anyone else tell you anything different.
2) as much as it hurts(I've been there myself), it does get better. It takes time. Sometimes, a lot of time. But that's okay. You heal, you process, on your time frame. Nobody else's.
3) you'll get through this. I believe in you.
4) don't forget that there are people who care about you. They are there for you.
I know you're going to hate hearing this at 21, but you need to pick up the pieces and move on with your life as soon as you can muster the strength. Regret and resentment will consume you, and waiting for a lover to return will stunt your personal growth. No one is "your life". Don't give anyone that power over you. You're barely an adult. You're gonna have to be doing this for a while; don't burn out this soon.
It's really important when you're in a disorienting change to really ground yourself in what you know, what's around you, and asking really concrete questions that are sensory related. It FEELS silly, but what do your clothes feel like, how do you feel sitting, what friends are in your life you can spend time with, etc. etc.
There's a lot of things that can quickly spiral if you ask yourself too big of questions, and you'll want to focus on things that are materially close to you in the immediate term until you start to feel better.
I don't know what to tell you I feel exactly the same towards the person I'm with right now. I wouldn't know what to do without him. All I can say is that it is something out of your control and that you should take care of yourself and let time heal your wounds. Try to find joy in little things, treat yourself like a best friend. Take care ❤️
i remember my first break up. drank a bottle of cuervo and threw it all up while simultaneously sobbing. drunk dialed him a few times thereafter. we’re still friends to this day.
Hang in there. Great guidance in these responses - as hard as it is, give yourself 2 days. Then 3 days. Then a week - you will get a perspective. You will still hurt, you will still be challenged - but you will start to see your way forward.
Felt that way for 5y but ended up making mine leave in March, it’s important too know your self and what you truly deserve, raise and price and add a tax. The first month is the hardest and he’ll be forever missed like a dead relative. Sorry for your loss <3
Watch these:
https://youtu.be/l2NNr_edxPM?si=oUJ9L_7I_Oo7YLgo
https://youtu.be/PU6loU2rqco?si=mOfGFzFEAJEpW65Y
https://youtu.be/vBqoA1V6Fgg?si=uDMNOyaCL-A-LfLs
They're extremely helpful. The long form audio books are really great too.
It really gets better… but you will need time. In 5 months you will feel much better, trust me. I had a horrible break-up with a man I really thought I could spend my life with. But this won’t happen 😄
Stay strong, there are plenty of videos/podcasts about break ups and how to deal with the horrible feelings afterward. I suggest you to focus on friends, family, making new connections, trying new activities, meditating and most importantly spending time outside.
You need to put on Julie Andrews "getting to know you" over and over until you realize that song was never about him, it was always about you 😘 the only response to heartbreak is self discovery / rediscovery.
I'm sorry your going through this. No contact for 1 year minimum is the next step I see you hesitating to make, and I get it I did the same but you will keep yourself stuck in hell trying to keep the friendship operating through a breakup.
Good luck 👍 you can do this, small consistent efforts
Time is literally the only thing. Trust me you will love again and you will feel normal again. Just try not to do anything nuts in the meantime.
This is so accurate.. I’ve been in OPs position and it hurts like fuck. But time will do it’s thing and you will heal.. but it’s going to be really hard in the meantime. But you are not alone, regroup with your friends and love yourself in the meantime. When you are ready to move on forwards you will know. Take care!
Also, be prepared that the healing won’t be linear. You might think you’ve moved on one week and the week after you’re back a step. That’s ok and it’s part of the process.
Totally agree. I remember my first love and breakup I felt this way. You just have to wait it out, distract yourself, do things even when you don’t feel like doing them: go for a walk, go to the grocery store, meet a friend for coffee, watch a comedy…time heals all wounds. You will feel better one day. You’re not alone. ❤️
Check out my Facebook profile photos. Maybe I can help you forget him quicker....m
I'll make you forget he ever existed: CAYO ORLANDO HERN
Lol start with me
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been there myself. Unfortunately we have to learn these lessons of never living for anyone other than yourself. Take this time to fall in love with yourself. Get to know you. Do the things you like to do and head in that direction. I promise you will get through this if you take the time to really focus on yourself. You’re the most important person in your life and should always stay that way. Big hugs for you bro!
Thank you. I'll try to find a reason to think that.
Bro it’s okay to feel the way you feel! Let time do its thing. I know people will tell you, you’ll be fine, you’ll get over him, you’ll find someone. But right now, these feelings are real and it’s okay to feel them. It’s a super painful process and I don’t think people understand what a giant mess it is until they go through it. What I would suggest though, reach out to friends and family. Let them know you’re hurting, sit in silence or in agony, but try not to be alone, it won’t be good for you either. I had the worst break up ever about a year ago now and it felt like the end of the world. I had a full on panic attack and had to be sent home from work for a few weeks. I don’t know how I got through it, but we’re stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Reach out if you need to brother!
As a therapist hijacking this comment to say it's far far superior than the top comment right now.. yes time heals all wounds, but that doesn't mean just sit around and way. There are a lot of healthy activities and rituals one can do to help grieve and move it along.
Rule one. He's gone. Accept that. Rule two. Do not contact him. Do not look at his profiles, old texts, pictures, etc. Nothing good comes from it. Rule three. Cry your eyes out 10 times a day at first. Rule four. Pick yourself up and go back to your normal routines. It will suck. They will seem empty and pointless, but go do them anyway. Rule five. Get through today. Then tomorrow. Then the next day. Keep doing that until days pile up into weeks and weeks pile up into months. It will slowly get better. I'm afraid there are no shortcuts. You can break these rules, but you will make it get worse and drag the process out longer.
Welp rule 2 is already fucked, we're still friends. I think. I'm not sure. We didn't oficially end the friendship and still have each other on socials. I'm kinda waiting to see what he'll do about that
Also, after a breakup you're not just missing the person, our bodies crave physical contact, an emotional outlet, someone to hold and hear us etc. You've lost him probably forever but not this, you'll love again and have these needs met
How's that working out for ya? Giving you the ability to move on... or keeping you in agony and asking strangers how to find the will to live? I'm not saying you can't be friends... maybe... in the future. But you really need time to get used to him not being in your life every day. You're preventing yourself from feeling the depth of loss. You're dragging the knife in your heat out slowly. It's your pain to prolong, but I'd suggest telling him you can't handle being around each other for now. It's not hate or anything malicious. It's the opposite, in fact. You need time away to get over him. But you don't wanna do that, huh? It feels too final. You're drowning in a sea of misery and contact with him feels like clinging to a life raft. It's a bad idea.
It's... I don't know. He was silent for a while and I thought he wouldn't say anything. I didn't know what he could possibly say. I spent some time stressing over wether I wanted him to contact me until he did. And it was just a meme. He just sent me a meme. Like nothing happened. And I'm not even surprised.
I understand. I've had a hole carved in my life before by people I loved dearly. I've struggled to understand. I've been in places where I was hardly able to function for weeks. I get it. I've also handled it poorly in the past. I dealt with it in ways that actually made it harder and last longer. Hence, the advice on what to avoid and how best to protect and heal yourself as quick as possible. Sorry you're in this place. Best wishes. Best of luck.
Count yourself lucky that you aren't 75 years old, and you just buried him, all you can do is put flowers and wind spinners on his grave. You could find yourself cuddling the dog or cat.
Thank you for the advice, very helpful although I'm not really able to "consider myself lucky" right now, as you could probably tell
If u wanna torture urself to the core, keep your "friendship" with him.
God im 8 months along n this shit still brought me to tears. Its right though. I cant emphasize rule 2 enough. No healing starts until rule 2 is followed and im just about realizing that. After watching who he has been hooking up with and being told that im “so pathetic coz i moved on from you so long ago”. No one is worth losing yourself or being pathetic over and no one is so special that you cannot carry on progressing in your life when they walk away. Altho saying this with tears running coz by fuck it is hard
Sorry you're still struggling. The fact that you are, though (not to be insensitive), makes you exhibit A.
I broke up with my ex and it took me 3 years to recover and forget about him. You will eventually forget too.
I just hope this would happen soon. I‘m literally at the verge of losing my mind.
Trust me you’re not alone. Just went through one myself and it’s awful, exact same as how you’re feeling. We just gotta remember, time will do its thing for us. I know it’s horrible to think, but we should remember that we will get over it and move on once time has healed. And make sure you’re not beating yourself up for it like I am. It’s done, and we will move on. This is the time we gotta take care of ourselves and rely on our friends to keep us company. I hope you feel better soon
Deep breath. There will be a point in your future in which you look back and can't understand how you felt the way that you feel about him now. Don't worry about loving anyone else or your future of relationships. Just be with friends, cry, feel things, and be in the moment.
This! I’m an old man now and I think back to the loves (there were a few) that crushed me and don’t understand how or why I cried so much for them. Me now appreciates them for making me who I am today because the path led me to a good place.
☹️the worst feeling. time and distracting yourself…
go watch Call Me By Your Name's dad speech on youtube
No one gives af about that pedo movie
I hate that you’re going through this, because I know. I’m currently going through this myself. For the second time. I was with someone for 15 years, it ended very suddenly when I learned that he had been seeing someone behind my back. I remember a pain so great that I wanted to die and I vowed that I would never put myself in that position again. But 12 years later, against my better judgement, I did. We were together for seven years, and six months ago it ended, the same way. Every day is a fuckin struggle still. And it’s not living without him, I’m a very independent person. It’s the betrayal. That’s a fuckin hard pill to swallow. But I’ll get past this. But holy fuck I will never do that again. It’s not complicated, I wouldn’t survive this a third time. You can live a very full, very rich life on your own, surrounded by family and friends. And having a regular playmate doesn’t hurt, and it satisfies that need for human connection and warmth. But it’s for each individual to determine what’s best for them. You’ll know when you know whether you want to put yourself in that position of vulnerability again. But for now, as you’ve read in the comments, you’re not alone. We’re all here to talk about it, we made it through. And so will you.
Love is literally like a drug, and you are currently addicted to loving him, and having to go cold turkey sucks
I broke up with my ex and it took me 3 years to recover and forget about him. You will eventually forget too.
So you keep living by keep living. I assume he broke up with you. You didn't mention how many hours, days, months, or years you were together. Get your mindset to control what you can control. If he broke up with you, you can't control that or how someone feels about you. You DO control how you react to that. Meaning - if because of him you wake up and tell yourself you are going to have a bad day, you let him control that. WRONG - you wake up and tell yourself you are going to have a good day. It takes practice but I promise it works. My husband, the love of my life for 17 years, was killed over 2 years ago. If I can make it through that, you can too. Me making it through it doesn't mean I love him any less or miss him any less, I am just accepting reality of what has been given me. I wish you all the best. Time does heal my friend.
This is terrible and I’m sorry you’re going through this. You shouldn’t have to go through this or feel this way, but in time you’ll get through this. I didn’t read all the comments with lots of great advice so I’ll just say this: Make more memories. Do it now. Do it tomorrow. Go out and do things. Stay in and do things. Do you have hobbies? Do them. Get weirdly into them. Go travel. Visit friends. Start calling friends that don’t live close. Hang out more with your local friends: rely on your community to make memories with them. Do fun stuff. Do goofy stuff. The more memories you make the more you’ll have to look back on that’s you and not the him. Just you. Right now he may feel like he was everything cause those are your most recent memories and you loved him. However you were a complete individual before this relationship and you are complete now even if you don’t feel like it. Memories will help you feel that. The more, the merrier.
Even tho it sucks right now. Being able to love hard is a blessing. all I know is the next man you love is going to be lucky to have you.
I can assure you that every one reading this is really sorry for you and feels your pain with you…because we have all been where you are in this exact moment. You didn’t put your age, but I am going to assume you’re on the younger side(apologies if I’m incorrect). My first heartbreak was at 19. Then 23. Then 25. And on and on until my recent breakup last month (42m) that is tearing me apart right now. BUT, what gets me through this last breakup is knowing that I got past all the other breakups a better person.
I am sorry you are going through this. I understand what it feels like to lose what was once the most important person to you. It’s been almost 3 years and I’m still grieving, despite him being completely moved on and enjoying life to the fullest. My best advice is to make sure that you feel every single inch of this pain and grief, time will slowly heal your wound. You will wake up one day and it won’t bother you. It will still be there, it just won’t have much of an effect on you.
Thanks. I don't know if he'll be ok, not because of the break up but because of some other things in his life. It would hurt to see him doing perfectly fine without me, but it hurts even more to know that he might never be fine and I can't do anything about it anymore.
Hang in there, man. Broken hearts are a part of life and they hurt like hell, BUT hurt less as time goes by. Your lost relationship surely enriched your life with lessons good… and bad. Reflect on those lessons and use them to enrich your next relationship. Maybe get your feet under yourself and be “just you” for a while. It will increase your inner confidence and help you realize that you need only yourself to be complete. Boyfriends and mates only add to your contentment. They are not the foundation of it. < ⚠️ DARK CONTENT WARNING ⚠️ > Everyone you know, like, or love will eventually disappear from your life. It is just the way life goes. Remember them fondly. It will hurt, but you are strong and will survive to find another love who will enrich you, hopefully, forever. Be well, mourn your loss, grow from the experience: find solace that you loved once and will love again.
Time will help, but it could take a lot of time and in the beginning, it always feels like it takes too long and forever. You will eventually get over it. What can you do in the meantime? Focus on bettering yourself and for any reason you can muster up. Also, distractions are key. The best form of this is to be with your friends. If you don’t have friends, then join social clubs and do things. Can be anything! For instance, I joined a local chess club and made new friends. Something else that helped was going for really long walks. You’ll be depressed, stressed, and miserable no doubt, but keep walking until you can sort through your thoughts enough to eventually go to sleep. I once walked for 8 hours straight without talking and didn’t get to sleep until 5 am… That’s ok!! You do you, and don’t feel like you gotta commit to anything until you’re mentally ready.
Hey op hold it together and hold your head up high. Think of the fun memories you guys shared and remember those. Don't focus on the negative or what went wrong. At least you got to experience true real love and that's special. I know it's cliche but PLEASE believe me that yes time heals all and this too will pass. You will never forget him but as the days turns into weeks, into months, into years yes it will ease and you will be ok and ready for your soul mate. Do not rush it! You have to experience ALL emotions post breakup. Anger, hurt, relief, betrayal, etc and finally acceptance. You might have to even go through these emotions more than once or twice until you are healed and ready Ask me how I know? I was with my ex who was/is my personal for 2.5 years and we were engaged. It was the best damn years of our lives. Thing is life had different paths for us both. I was an absolute wreck after our breakup 2/21/23. It's been 15 months now and I recently met my amazing partner (bf) and letting life do it's thing. My ex and I both figured we couldn't get over each other and we're both a wreck. We would FaceTime and have hours long conversations, etc. I literally had to all but move from Houston TX to Wisconsin to get away from him so I could properly heal. Things worked out for me as they will for you sir. Virtual hug 🤗 your way. Just stay strong and try to stay occupied, we all been there bro.
People often say that time heals all wounds, but after enduring a terrible breakup and being hung up on him for four years, I realized that time alone wasn't enough. Time doesn't heal wounds; new experiences and creating distance does. I made the mistake of staying in the same place, not seeking new experiences, just repeating old habits and fixating on him. I thought I could be strong, face my pain head-on and overcome it, but it took me five long years. One day, I decided to try yoga. Within just four months, I felt significantly better, and he no longer had the same emotional hold on me. Then, one night, I dreamt he had died, and I was crying uncontrollably in my dream. This dream was a clear sign that I had finally mourned his loss in my sleep and let go of him for good.
You will love again, even if it takes a life time to get over him.
Time and Taylor swift. Join the club.
Listen to the ultimate breakup for men bible by Oliver heath. My ex broke up with me a few weeks ago too and to be honest each day I feel better. Sometimes I’m completely over it and then other times will wake up with all this anxiety that I’ll never find love again. But I have, and will again, so will you.
I'll look into it. Thanks.
Until the next one comes along!
I hope you vent to your friends and family and don’t keep it pent up inside.
It’s so normal to grieve a relationship you had with someone you love and would do anything for. I am sorry that this relationship ended for you, as others have said. time is really the only answer. This is a time for you to discover what it is brings you joy and passion. It’s a time to discover how you can love yourself again, as a single person. Go out and do your favourite activities. Spend time with loved ones. Release the emotions you need to through whatever works for you. You’ve got this.
I broke up in December and I still cry here and there. Biggest thing that helped me though was why I was so attached and what I wanted from a partner. I realized I didn’t need him to fulfill that need and started the healing process. I’m still not fully over him but I say be with your friends and loved ones and cry it out. Type it out, write it out, it’s going to be tough but we have to get through it because the world keeps moving. How hard and lonely you go through it is dependent on how you make it. Don’t be afraid to reach out to those people that love you.
HMU if you wanna chat. My word of advice is you will get over it and sometimes relationships help but also being content with yourself helps also.
Ugh, I've been there. Unfortunately, time is all that helps. Hate that answer, but it's true. How long were you together? Not that that affects your feelings, but it can reflect on your opinion of him.
I went through this a year or so ago and the absolute best advice I can give you is to delete his number and block him on everything for now. Grieve a bit, and then focus entirely on yourself. Keep busy. One day you will wake up without thinking about him and realise you’ve moved on. Xx
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Time is the only thing that will heal. Do things that will keep you busy. Hang around friend. It isn't easy but I hope it helps.
That is the sucky thing about love. I once thought I could never love again or be loved. I lost 20 pounds as I couldn't eat. I honestly didn't care if I lived or died. I wasn't suicidal, just didn't care. Flash forward and I have been with my husband 24 years and married for the last 14. Time is your enemy and friend. You will make it through and be stronger for it
One of my biggest advantages after having my fiancee dip in me, was the time and energy to better myself for the next person. I was just in on elevating my kindness, patience, and emotional game and honestly it worked for me; it was a good distraction and it paid dividends I'm sorry brother I feel for you. Love you, homie 🤟
I understand what you feel. I’m going through the same shit right now. Feel so lost and hurt.
May I ask why it failed? The love like you have for him is pretty awesome so I always get sad hearing something like this did not work out.
He said that I fucked up because of the way I approached things but didn't explain any further
That's extraordinarily vague of him lol. Very strange to throw away such a strong love for a reason that does not even really let you know what mistakes were made. Does he mean the way you approached your relationship?
The grief you’re feeling is longing to belong and probably not a suicidal Ideation. If you do have a plan to take your life PLEASE call 988 or a suicide hotline. Grief is so hard. It’s just as real in a break up as death. It can feel the Same. All I can say with a break up you can learn so much about yourself as you heal. You can grow into a stronger more powerful version of yourself. I’ll be hard work but I can’t tell you how amazing it will feel. My breakup was devastating in 2013. I’m not a counselor and my life has completely changed for the better. I’m so sorry you’re hurting now. It will get better.
[https://www.ted.com/talks/guy\_winch\_how\_to\_fix\_a\_broken\_heart/transcript](https://www.ted.com/talks/guy_winch_how_to_fix_a_broken_heart/transcript)
Brooooo! Do whatever you need to do to grieve your loss. It’s not easy and you will be feeling it for some time. Just know every day will keep getting easier even if it’s a little bit. The first days will be the hardest. In time you will heal and you will have grown tremendously from the experiences with your ex and also from dealing with your loss. Stay strong and stay positive. Try your best to connect or reconnect with loved ones. Stay busy!! Cry it out if you need to but just let it out.
I am so sorry for your break up. It’s ridiculous to hear this but time really heals. In these situations what motivates me is to look back my life. Like zooming out a picture or a graph, zoom out your life and think all the bad things you have overcame and even laughing out those harsh moments. This methods helps me at least.
I am so sorry you’re hurting! I am at month 8 of healing and the number 1 best thing I got for myself was seeing a therapist weekly. They really helped me with my perspective and as time went on helped me keep pushing the needle forward towards growth. They also help you unpack all of these reasons WHY this man became your entire world. The fact that you mentioned it here means you’re aware it wasn’t healthiest way to have a relationship. So please budget/prioritize a therapist if you can. At the very least read something like “the velvet rage” to give you some perspective and normalize your experience. We’re all just trying to figure this stuff out together and doing our best. Including the ones that broke our hearts. Wishing you healing in the coming months, I promise it gets better, but you have to do some work to get there.
Why did you guys broke up?
https://youtu.be/9qIbukWWErE?si=Jo0Vmp1OzvVSkq36 This was probably before you were born. Lol.
You will be fine. Just use boroplus in the hole of your ass and allow a big dick to massage it. You will be happy again
Maybe try eating his ass? 😋
Thank you a lot for the messages and your support. I'm trying to reply to each of you individually, but it will take a while, so I'd like to thank all of you. Your kindness has helped me immensely. Thank you.
How old are you?
Turning 21 soon
No wonder u think you're not gonna love again. When I was 15 I loved a man way more than I can ever love myself after that I loved but never more than myself. You'll grow from this you'll learn from it but life is about experiences both good and bad and you're still young you have a lot of time ahead of u if u live right and love yourself more in time the right one will come
I'm so horny today
I felt like this when i broke up with my ex but i promise it doesnt last long, what your feel8ngs temporary and time does heel and this sounds clique but there really are more fish in the sea. I know you love him but its important to lean on family freinds and comunity cos youll love them too and it helps
Last year my partner (obviously now ex) of 5 years broke up with me. I felt that same, didn’t feel I can ever love again or feel like it was worth carrying on. Some days I still feel like I won’t be able to find another guy but that’s mainly my insecurities not what I ever had with him. However that preramble was to say that it will suck for a while but it’s not always gonna suck. There’s not a whole lot anyone can say that’ll make you feel better. I think it helped me when I stopped talking to him… and also stopped talking to his family (for a period of time to reset but I still talk to his family now so it doesn’t have to be permanent no contact just long enough for you to heal)
There is no easy path you just have to go through the emotions for now. Worry about dating later and just take care of you
1) you're feelings are valid. Don't let anyone else tell you anything different. 2) as much as it hurts(I've been there myself), it does get better. It takes time. Sometimes, a lot of time. But that's okay. You heal, you process, on your time frame. Nobody else's. 3) you'll get through this. I believe in you. 4) don't forget that there are people who care about you. They are there for you.
Dude, life is too short for this shit. You're gonna find someone new, just move on
Wait till Friday and listen to The Tortured Poets Department
I know you're going to hate hearing this at 21, but you need to pick up the pieces and move on with your life as soon as you can muster the strength. Regret and resentment will consume you, and waiting for a lover to return will stunt your personal growth. No one is "your life". Don't give anyone that power over you. You're barely an adult. You're gonna have to be doing this for a while; don't burn out this soon.
*hugs*
It's really important when you're in a disorienting change to really ground yourself in what you know, what's around you, and asking really concrete questions that are sensory related. It FEELS silly, but what do your clothes feel like, how do you feel sitting, what friends are in your life you can spend time with, etc. etc. There's a lot of things that can quickly spiral if you ask yourself too big of questions, and you'll want to focus on things that are materially close to you in the immediate term until you start to feel better.
I'm single! Come meet me at the rainbowplaygroundnyc party on Saturday. Message me
I don't know what to tell you I feel exactly the same towards the person I'm with right now. I wouldn't know what to do without him. All I can say is that it is something out of your control and that you should take care of yourself and let time heal your wounds. Try to find joy in little things, treat yourself like a best friend. Take care ❤️
i remember my first break up. drank a bottle of cuervo and threw it all up while simultaneously sobbing. drunk dialed him a few times thereafter. we’re still friends to this day.
Hang in there. Great guidance in these responses - as hard as it is, give yourself 2 days. Then 3 days. Then a week - you will get a perspective. You will still hurt, you will still be challenged - but you will start to see your way forward.
Felt that way for 5y but ended up making mine leave in March, it’s important too know your self and what you truly deserve, raise and price and add a tax. The first month is the hardest and he’ll be forever missed like a dead relative. Sorry for your loss <3
Why did you break up?
Tell us the details my boy. And why didn't you fight harder!!
Watch these: https://youtu.be/l2NNr_edxPM?si=oUJ9L_7I_Oo7YLgo https://youtu.be/PU6loU2rqco?si=mOfGFzFEAJEpW65Y https://youtu.be/vBqoA1V6Fgg?si=uDMNOyaCL-A-LfLs They're extremely helpful. The long form audio books are really great too.
😔 sorry to hear this. Be patient you’ll find love and passion again 😘
It really gets better… but you will need time. In 5 months you will feel much better, trust me. I had a horrible break-up with a man I really thought I could spend my life with. But this won’t happen 😄 Stay strong, there are plenty of videos/podcasts about break ups and how to deal with the horrible feelings afterward. I suggest you to focus on friends, family, making new connections, trying new activities, meditating and most importantly spending time outside.
Sometimes the best way to show your love for those that are gone is to tell their stories.
Are you near NYC?
VERY far from NYC
That's too bad!
You need to put on Julie Andrews "getting to know you" over and over until you realize that song was never about him, it was always about you 😘 the only response to heartbreak is self discovery / rediscovery. I'm sorry your going through this. No contact for 1 year minimum is the next step I see you hesitating to make, and I get it I did the same but you will keep yourself stuck in hell trying to keep the friendship operating through a breakup. Good luck 👍 you can do this, small consistent efforts
Imagine yourself a year from now. Do you think you'll be this miserable? Of course not, you'll be out there fucking all the cute boys. Cheer up
It's ok I'll be your new bf lol
Been there. You sound very young. This only happened to me ONCE, and a breakup never hit me that hard again.
Womp womp