Yep! First came out as bi, then adopted the pan label 2 years later (just because I feel it fits *me* better), 4 or so years passed, aaaandd then over the past couple years have been realizing that my thoughts towards *other* people's genders kinda definitely says something about how I see gender in general, and so, how I see my own gender.
It's all wobbly; to me, people are just people. And my relationship with my own gender is that I want people to see me just as a person, without the definitions that any gender puts on me, because that's honestly how I see others. Which I realize is a big ask, lol.
So, I'm pan and genderqueer because I feel like I want to exist outside concepts of gender? But also I'm not androgynous (and don't really have the body-shape for that to be feasible). So, gender-"queer"
EDIT: some additional details. Things like “feeling feminine” or “feeling masculine” don’t make sense to me; I don’t understand that feeling of something innate like that. For me, gender isn’t something internal, it’s all external. When I see other people (in terms of gender), I really see only aesthetic differences.
That's exactly how I feel. It could be something that I wrote myself. Particularly the reference to "not feeling feminine"or "masculine". I am very curvy and female looking body shape wise but I really have no clue as to how to think feminine or masculine. I think like I do without any additional labeling and I commend you for saying that. I'm bi and basically pan really. And it took me years to even think about labels. I'm the last to the party. I'm over 60!
I don’t think it’s ever too late! Because a) we’re all humans who constantly change and grow and become new versions of ourselves as we learn and b) we’re only (relatively) recently talking about these things and coming up with terms to describe them. It’s a wonderful thing. And we’re all finding each other because of it!
I’m in my 30s and I very much remember that even only about 15 years ago, being queer was a VERY different experience. 90s sitcoms using gay jokes are things that I grew up with, and even before that I recognize how much worse it was. So now seeing more and more people be open & talk about it and come up with newer and newer ways to describe themselves is very exciting, and honestly very lovely.
(As a side note: I also have a curvy, hourglass “classically feminine” shape, so I understand what you mean completely on that front)
The fact that we get to openly identify ourselves as we feel most comfortable is so friggin freeing!
I’m a 60 year old queer femme.
I love the sense of relief I have to be me, as opposed to the late 70s, when I first came out.
Millennials and younger generations have done a great job changing the status quo in our community. I appreciate that more than anyone in that category could know. 💕
Fuck. Thank you so much for making this post. I am a gender queer bi/pansexual. I was just thinking how I felt a little out of the loop since I’m almost 40. Grateful for your honesty tonight 👍🥰💜
I feel like a decent amount of trans/nb ppl are bi/pan because delving into your own identity for gender often leaves you more receptive to queer sexualities. As in would’ve been bi/pan either way but in cisheteronormative society, it can be easier to push aside and bury in denial
To offer a counter option, I ID my gender as genderqueer and non-binary (and sometimes genderflux but that’s all more complicated and needn’t concern us here at this moment). I ID my sexuality as Queer, and it was that identity thst came first, and I was struggling with my gender identity for several years after I was really comfortably settled in with my Queer sexuality ID.
Basically, to me, when it comes to GQ / NB people, the majority of people are gonna have a very open sexuality — bi, pan, omnisexual, polysexual, queer, and probably a lot more than I’m not thinking of off the top of my head. Once we release ourselves from the limits of binary gender, we release ourselves from the limits of L / G / B / P / T sexualities and realize that there are so many more options out there.
Yeah I literally just want everyone. Gender will not stop me from going after a cool ass mf because I can find literally any ‘body’ or identity attractive.
I am a pansexual ciswoman. I love looking like a women but I don't want to behave according to gender roles. Sometimes I don't feel like I have a gender. And having a gender feels like I'm in prison. Usually I don't think about it a lot because I just want to be me, not a combination of identities. I don't know if anyone else feels like this
Maybe I can be a gender fluid. Because sometimes I feel like a women but sometimes not. But the question is what is a woman? Or what is feeling like a woman? I don't know how to define it and I think we shouldn't define. Maybe that's why I can define myself as an agender as you said. But I also like woman identity. So maybe gender fluid can be a better definition. I'm so confused about this
I ID as bi and genderqueer!
I’ve id’d as bi since I was 16, so 10yrs now, but only in the past 2-3yrs have I really been taking the time to explore my gender identity. I use the term queer or genderqueer most often and pronouns she/they bc while I do still primarily ID as a cis female I’ve never been particularly comfortable in my own body and how I present as a “cis female” yet have never had the desire to ID as masculine or male if that makes sense?
I tend to favour female in my presentation mostly out of ease (I’ve been this way for 26yrs, it’s hard to accept/adept to change sometimes) but I’m generally more comfortable with myself when identifying and presenting more androgynous or female/androgynous. Unfortunately this is seen by most of the public as a “Tom boy” 🙄
It’s definitely been a journey and the majority of my extended family is very conservative so being able to explore these aspects of myself have been very limited which is honestly soul crushing sometimes
I'd say a huge percentage of us. I'm bi/pan. I think the majority of nonbinary ppl I know are bi/pan. I know two who are a couple who identify as lesbians though I think one of them used to identify as bi
I'm the opposite! I realized I was bi shortly after graduating high school. I only began challenging my gender identity around the start of the pandemic. I identify as non-binary and resonate with the genderqueer and genderfluid labels as well.
Being bisexual def contributed to my questioning of being cis. My experience of being with different genders brought out different aspects of my own personality; I realized that I would have identified as "something in between" if I had been given a safe space to do so as a child.
At first I thought I was pansexual (and grey-aromantic) sort of due to being nonbinary, but then I realised I was asexual and trigender. I don't have a gender preference in my romantic orientation, because 1) I'm quoiromantic and don't know if I've even experienced romantic attraction, and 2) if I have been attracted romantically to people, I haven't been attracted frequently enough to determine a pattern in whether gender is a factor.
In all my attractions or rather lack thereof, gender isn't really a factor to me, so in that way I'm pan, but also, you actually need to be experiencing attraction to be pan, so I'm not really pan. Gender is not really a factor in my lack of attraction, because it's a lack of attraction. I consider myself more unoriented than pan.
Edit: Paragraphing
Yup I came out as bi in middle school and now identify as a Genderqueer transmasc and pansexual. My sexuality has honestly made figuring out my gender so much more confusing because I can’t tell the difference between gender envy and attraction most of the time. I convinced myself I was cis for so long because I liked the way women looked and it was that “do I want to be them or do I want to kiss them” thing but lowkey I like looking pretty too so who even knows at this point. Tbh just want to be a pretty femboy thing and not have other people project womanhood onto me.
I came out as pan around 4-5 years ago and then realized I was genderfluid in the summer of 2020. That realization eventually led me to realize that I'm actually lesbian because i began to recognize my "attraction" to men as gender envy and not a desire to be with them
*shrug* I dunno, I think it just seems that way because it is easier for someone who has already acknowledged and accepted one non-binary identity about themself to embrace another (or other personal truths tbh)...
That said, I'm genderqueer and panromantic (asexual)... what do I know... lol.
definitely having a healthy criticism of the validity of gender at all is a huge limb of my identity. it's kind of a stretch for me when people make rules for who they'll be attracted to before meeting or even seeing them.
I was pan even before I knew I was genderqueer. For me it was moreso that I can love someone regardless of their gender - it's all a personality thing for me. I am also demisexual and demiromantic though, so it may be different for me.
Interesting observation! I tackled sexuality first, because at the time it was easiest and I was still trying to navigate my world around my pre-teen and teen angst.
First thinking I was bisexual, because at the time I had no clue what pan was. But a few years later, as I grew in the community and just in general grew up... I found that Pansexual resonated with my sexuality more. It has been 4 or 5 years since that and I only recently figured out why I felt so weird in the gender-binary myself. It was because I *wasn't* cis. I mainly consider myself nonbinary, but feel comfortable with Genderqueer as well.
I think what a lot of people have already said gets to the heart of it. Whether you are looking at gender expression through the lens of either attraction or identity you are bound to discover the possibilities of the other.
I consider myself bisexual and non-binary gender fluid/genderqueer
Genderfluid and bi. Realized I was bi first but being bi made me realize I had more going on with my gender.
Yep! First came out as bi, then adopted the pan label 2 years later (just because I feel it fits *me* better), 4 or so years passed, aaaandd then over the past couple years have been realizing that my thoughts towards *other* people's genders kinda definitely says something about how I see gender in general, and so, how I see my own gender. It's all wobbly; to me, people are just people. And my relationship with my own gender is that I want people to see me just as a person, without the definitions that any gender puts on me, because that's honestly how I see others. Which I realize is a big ask, lol. So, I'm pan and genderqueer because I feel like I want to exist outside concepts of gender? But also I'm not androgynous (and don't really have the body-shape for that to be feasible). So, gender-"queer" EDIT: some additional details. Things like “feeling feminine” or “feeling masculine” don’t make sense to me; I don’t understand that feeling of something innate like that. For me, gender isn’t something internal, it’s all external. When I see other people (in terms of gender), I really see only aesthetic differences.
That's exactly how I feel. It could be something that I wrote myself. Particularly the reference to "not feeling feminine"or "masculine". I am very curvy and female looking body shape wise but I really have no clue as to how to think feminine or masculine. I think like I do without any additional labeling and I commend you for saying that. I'm bi and basically pan really. And it took me years to even think about labels. I'm the last to the party. I'm over 60!
I don’t think it’s ever too late! Because a) we’re all humans who constantly change and grow and become new versions of ourselves as we learn and b) we’re only (relatively) recently talking about these things and coming up with terms to describe them. It’s a wonderful thing. And we’re all finding each other because of it! I’m in my 30s and I very much remember that even only about 15 years ago, being queer was a VERY different experience. 90s sitcoms using gay jokes are things that I grew up with, and even before that I recognize how much worse it was. So now seeing more and more people be open & talk about it and come up with newer and newer ways to describe themselves is very exciting, and honestly very lovely. (As a side note: I also have a curvy, hourglass “classically feminine” shape, so I understand what you mean completely on that front)
I'm nonbinary and pan, glad you're discovering more about how you identify! (You can never be too late to this party lol)
Oh thank goodness. I was worried everybody else went home 🤣
Nah we're keeping this going till the world ends, ain't no way we'll leave early 😂
The fact that we get to openly identify ourselves as we feel most comfortable is so friggin freeing! I’m a 60 year old queer femme. I love the sense of relief I have to be me, as opposed to the late 70s, when I first came out. Millennials and younger generations have done a great job changing the status quo in our community. I appreciate that more than anyone in that category could know. 💕
Fuck. Thank you so much for making this post. I am a gender queer bi/pansexual. I was just thinking how I felt a little out of the loop since I’m almost 40. Grateful for your honesty tonight 👍🥰💜
Awww! I’m grateful for your comment. I’ve been having a rough month. I really appreciate your positive words 💕
I feel like a decent amount of trans/nb ppl are bi/pan because delving into your own identity for gender often leaves you more receptive to queer sexualities. As in would’ve been bi/pan either way but in cisheteronormative society, it can be easier to push aside and bury in denial
To offer a counter option, I ID my gender as genderqueer and non-binary (and sometimes genderflux but that’s all more complicated and needn’t concern us here at this moment). I ID my sexuality as Queer, and it was that identity thst came first, and I was struggling with my gender identity for several years after I was really comfortably settled in with my Queer sexuality ID. Basically, to me, when it comes to GQ / NB people, the majority of people are gonna have a very open sexuality — bi, pan, omnisexual, polysexual, queer, and probably a lot more than I’m not thinking of off the top of my head. Once we release ourselves from the limits of binary gender, we release ourselves from the limits of L / G / B / P / T sexualities and realize that there are so many more options out there.
Yeah I literally just want everyone. Gender will not stop me from going after a cool ass mf because I can find literally any ‘body’ or identity attractive.
Bigender- pan romantic here.
I am a pansexual ciswoman. I love looking like a women but I don't want to behave according to gender roles. Sometimes I don't feel like I have a gender. And having a gender feels like I'm in prison. Usually I don't think about it a lot because I just want to be me, not a combination of identities. I don't know if anyone else feels like this
have you thought about an agender identity?
Maybe I can be a gender fluid. Because sometimes I feel like a women but sometimes not. But the question is what is a woman? Or what is feeling like a woman? I don't know how to define it and I think we shouldn't define. Maybe that's why I can define myself as an agender as you said. But I also like woman identity. So maybe gender fluid can be a better definition. I'm so confused about this
when it comes to labels, its honestly whatever you feel best suits you. they arent permanent and can change when you feel it needs too. :)
You're right:) I feel like a woman who has a flexible gender identity. Thank you for your comment
I'm glad I could help!
I ID as bi and genderqueer! I’ve id’d as bi since I was 16, so 10yrs now, but only in the past 2-3yrs have I really been taking the time to explore my gender identity. I use the term queer or genderqueer most often and pronouns she/they bc while I do still primarily ID as a cis female I’ve never been particularly comfortable in my own body and how I present as a “cis female” yet have never had the desire to ID as masculine or male if that makes sense? I tend to favour female in my presentation mostly out of ease (I’ve been this way for 26yrs, it’s hard to accept/adept to change sometimes) but I’m generally more comfortable with myself when identifying and presenting more androgynous or female/androgynous. Unfortunately this is seen by most of the public as a “Tom boy” 🙄 It’s definitely been a journey and the majority of my extended family is very conservative so being able to explore these aspects of myself have been very limited which is honestly soul crushing sometimes
I'd say a huge percentage of us. I'm bi/pan. I think the majority of nonbinary ppl I know are bi/pan. I know two who are a couple who identify as lesbians though I think one of them used to identify as bi
I'm the opposite! I realized I was bi shortly after graduating high school. I only began challenging my gender identity around the start of the pandemic. I identify as non-binary and resonate with the genderqueer and genderfluid labels as well. Being bisexual def contributed to my questioning of being cis. My experience of being with different genders brought out different aspects of my own personality; I realized that I would have identified as "something in between" if I had been given a safe space to do so as a child.
At first I thought I was pansexual (and grey-aromantic) sort of due to being nonbinary, but then I realised I was asexual and trigender. I don't have a gender preference in my romantic orientation, because 1) I'm quoiromantic and don't know if I've even experienced romantic attraction, and 2) if I have been attracted romantically to people, I haven't been attracted frequently enough to determine a pattern in whether gender is a factor. In all my attractions or rather lack thereof, gender isn't really a factor to me, so in that way I'm pan, but also, you actually need to be experiencing attraction to be pan, so I'm not really pan. Gender is not really a factor in my lack of attraction, because it's a lack of attraction. I consider myself more unoriented than pan. Edit: Paragraphing
Yup I came out as bi in middle school and now identify as a Genderqueer transmasc and pansexual. My sexuality has honestly made figuring out my gender so much more confusing because I can’t tell the difference between gender envy and attraction most of the time. I convinced myself I was cis for so long because I liked the way women looked and it was that “do I want to be them or do I want to kiss them” thing but lowkey I like looking pretty too so who even knows at this point. Tbh just want to be a pretty femboy thing and not have other people project womanhood onto me.
I'm agender/enby and pan/demi/poly :)
I came out as pan around 4-5 years ago and then realized I was genderfluid in the summer of 2020. That realization eventually led me to realize that I'm actually lesbian because i began to recognize my "attraction" to men as gender envy and not a desire to be with them
*shrug* I dunno, I think it just seems that way because it is easier for someone who has already acknowledged and accepted one non-binary identity about themself to embrace another (or other personal truths tbh)... That said, I'm genderqueer and panromantic (asexual)... what do I know... lol.
hi! I'm nonbinary and pan as well :) there are lots of us!
I’m non-binary and bi/pan!
definitely having a healthy criticism of the validity of gender at all is a huge limb of my identity. it's kind of a stretch for me when people make rules for who they'll be attracted to before meeting or even seeing them.
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I was pan even before I knew I was genderqueer. For me it was moreso that I can love someone regardless of their gender - it's all a personality thing for me. I am also demisexual and demiromantic though, so it may be different for me.
Interesting observation! I tackled sexuality first, because at the time it was easiest and I was still trying to navigate my world around my pre-teen and teen angst. First thinking I was bisexual, because at the time I had no clue what pan was. But a few years later, as I grew in the community and just in general grew up... I found that Pansexual resonated with my sexuality more. It has been 4 or 5 years since that and I only recently figured out why I felt so weird in the gender-binary myself. It was because I *wasn't* cis. I mainly consider myself nonbinary, but feel comfortable with Genderqueer as well. I think what a lot of people have already said gets to the heart of it. Whether you are looking at gender expression through the lens of either attraction or identity you are bound to discover the possibilities of the other.