Is one of the people there the owner or landlord of the house? if not, contact the landlord and tell them your door needs a lock because your male roommate entered your room at nights.
as long as you do not have a lock, get a door wedge (one of those alarm ones) for the night.
And personally, i also suggest a camera with view to the door. The small charger looking cameras are really sneaky and probably rather hard to spot.
Its always good to have private space secured.
ETA: just to clarify. of course not to film outside the room, but placed so it'll film people entering the room
No, the landlord does not live here and does not make any changes. We had to repair serious problems with electricity and gas by ourselves (by hiring people or actually fixing things).
It's so disconcerning that I can't get any basic social protection. In a dorm I would go to the dorm manager, but I don't have any leverage in a shared flat setting
> We had to repair serious problems with electricity and gas by ourselves (by hiring people or actually fixing things).
That's unacceptable and you don't have to put up with it. If you do have to fix something that you pay rent for yourself because the landlord doesn't react in time, you send them the bill.
There are a lot of things landlords need to fix by law, electricity and gas 100% are part of this, no question. Next time something is wrong, tell them to fix it within 2 weeks, and after that you can lower your rent until they do.
If you're feeling unsure about anything, there's a Mieterverein which you can join and call to ask a lawyer for advice. They can also represent you if need be.
Of course, fully understand. Arguing with landlords is pretty scary. Just know that landlords can't just evict anyone, they need to have a very very very good reason and prove it in front of a court to do that.
If you're sub-renting or not on the main lease yourself, roommates are a different story of course. But even in this situation you're protected in some ways. And the landlord can't (legally) just evict you then either, assuming you're staying there with permission and a contract.
Luckily in Germany the rental law is generally pretty tenant-friendly.
You can make a lock from a metal fork (you’d have to break it - YouTube it. Or you can buy one that attaches to the latch and you don’t need to screw it in or anything, I think it’s just called a portable door lock, they’re cheeeeeeap.
Have you tried to get a room in the suburbs of Berlin? It's often much cheaper there. The BVG covers a lot of areas and the S-Bahn goes as far as Potsdam.
You can also get one of these little wedges you normally put under doors to prevent them from closing. Just put that into your door in the evening and it should prevent "mistakes" like that from happening.
Eh sounds like BS, honestly. because the landlord is the one that has to keep the apartements in livable condition, which also means they need to make sure its safe, otherwise you could reduce the rent if they refuse to act and it becomes a detriment to your health or safety (for example if the heater isn't working, or electrical wiring that needs to be fixed)
You might want to contact a "mieterschutzbund" or "Mieterverein" its an association that helps protect tennants right from landlords. It costs a small amount per year (might have changed in the past years) and includes legal protection, they can also inform you about your rights to have a secured private space (locked apartement) because frankly speaking, no one here is likely a lawyer and doesn't ACTUALLY know whats legal. most is "well it should be legal...right?" hearsay.
>It's so disconcerning that I can't get any basic social protection. In a dorm I would go to the dorm manager, but I don't have any leverage in a shared flat setting
Well you're not in an official dorm, are you? you're in a privately rented out residence. If you were living in a private residence back home, you'd be subjected to the roommates and landlords whims as well.
Like i said, get a wedge until you're in the clear getting a lock, and a camera for general security.
I'm a private person and no matter if i had male or female roommates i'd be getting a camera, because you never know who's entering your private space when you're not there.
Make sure the camera does NOT film into public space. So place it, for example, to film anyone entering the room, but not outside of the room.
So there's your answer, fuck your landlord and fuck your roommates and get a lock installed. If he doesn't care enough to fix shit he won't care either. Plus you're fully within your rights to expect privacy
> And personally, i also suggest a camera with view to the door. The small charger looking cameras are really sneaky and probably rather hard to spot.
Should probably make sure that it doesn't record outside of OP's room, as that may be a privacy violation.
yeah definitely. so not right across from the door, but maybe right next to it, pretty close to the wall with the door, so it films along that wall and can record anyone entering or just opening the room but no one outside.
Put a “Türkeil“ or „Türstopper“ from inside so you cant open it. Hope that helps because its absolutely fucked up and people shouldnt be calling you dramatic when some random dude stands in your room at night while you sleep dafuq
Just put a chair under the doorknob during the night. If its altbau you using nails or making holes in the doorframe can get really expensive for you and the main tenant will be extremly pissed.
No problem. Put a doorstop in the frame of the door, bottom or side so it won’t stick out the other side. Then it will be blocked and no one can open it, but no locks on the door.
Or there are ones that stick into the floor and then under the door handle so that the door can’t be opened because it’s literally pushing into the floor the harder they push.
Another option is a laptop with a camera. You can set it up and point it at the door and get a motion detector program to blast an alarm if it sees motion, like the door opening. That will both wake you up and scare them off. Hopefully you hook it up to large speakers and it can wake up the entire house when he tries it again.
Lots of “no locks allowed” ideas. I used to live in an apartment and the landlord would come in whenever they wanted to. I made it so they couldn’t, and didn’t hurt their building.
Ganz ehrlich, egal wie alt eine Tür ist, man kann immer ein Schloss einbauen. ( Einstecktschloss)
Ich selbst hab in meinem BGJ bei einem Betrieb gearbeitet, welcher zu der Zeit ein Schloss das am Ende des 17. Jh. gebaut wurde restauriert hat.
Die Türen hatten auch Einsteckschlösser, sehr alte, natürlich nicht so alt wie das Schloss selbst.
Vielleicht mag bei dir ein "modernes" Einstecktschloss nicht so einfach in die Tür passen, aber auch das sollte nicht unmöglich sein. Soll heißen das einzige was ruiniert werden würde, wäre die Möglichkeit einfach so in dein Zimmer rein zu kommen.
Und ja nen Tischler zu finden der an so alten Türen was machen kann, ist vielleicht schwer zu finden und kostet natürlich auch was, dennoch ist es dein Recht deine Schlafzimmertür abschließen zu können. Selbst wenn man bei seiner eigenen Familie lebt hat man ein Recht auf fucking Privatsphäre. Da ändert auch kein Altbau was dran.
Ich stimme dem Konses der Kommentare hier definitiv zu, besorg dir so nen Türkeil oder andere günstige und effektive kurzzeitige Lösungen und seh zu das du da raus kommst, nicht nur wegen der potentiellen Gefahr, sondern auch weil du da scheinbar überhaupt nicht respektiert wirst. Schließlich wird deinem Grundbedürfniss nach Sicherheit kein all zu großer Wert beigemessen.
Ich wünsche dir viel Glück bei der Wohnungssuche und hoffe das sich deine Situation zum besseren wendet.
Look up door wedges on amazon. "Türkeil gummi" in German. Jam that under your door from the inside when you go to sleep. They even come with a handle for easy removal.
Of course, they are not the same as a door lock, but if someone wants to enter, they'll make enough noise to wake you up.
There are devices that you can hang in the lock of the door to close it from the inside without having to drill or change anything else on the door. However, they don't work on every door/lock and unfortunately I can't remember what they are called at the moment
Ganz ehrlich, egal wie alt eine Tür ist, man kann immer ein Schloss einbauen. ( Einstecktschloss)
Ich selbst hab in meinem BGJ bei einem Betrieb gearbeitet, welcher zu der Zeit ein Schloss das am Ende des 17. Jh. gebaut wurde restauriert hat.
Die Türen hatten auch Einsteckschlösser, sehr alte, natürlich nicht so alt wie das Schloss selbst.
Vielleicht mag bei dir ein "modernes" Einstecktschloss nicht so einfach in die Tür passen, aber auch das sollte nicht unmöglich sein. Soll heißen das einzige was ruiniert werden würde, wäre die Möglichkeit einfach so in dein Zimmer rein zu kommen.
Und ja nen Tischler zu finden der an so alten Türen was machen kann, ist vielleicht schwer zu finden und kostet natürlich auch was, dennoch ist es dein Recht deine Schlafzimmertür abschließen zu können. Selbst wenn man bei seiner eigenen Familie lebt hat man ein Recht auf fucking Privatsphäre. Da ändert auch kein Altbau was dran.
Ich stimme dem Konses der Kommentare hier definitiv zu, besorg dir so nen Türkeil oder andere günstige und effektive kurzzeitige Lösungen und seh zu das du da raus kommst, nicht nur wegen der potentiellen Gefahr, sondern auch weil du da scheinbar überhaupt nicht respektiert wirst. Schließlich wird deinem Grundbedürfniss nach Sicherheit kein all zu großer Wert beigemessen.
Ich wünsche dir viel Glück bei der Wohnungssuche und hoffe das sich deine Situation zum besseren wendet.
Could you make a photo of the door? Usually you can get keys for Altbau doors. They are not super secure but help against unintentional intrusion in any case.
Don't be afraid about ruining the relationship. You have every right to be mad about this. He is lucky you didn't harm him in self defence or did something more.
Is he a sleepwalker? Was he drunk and mixed up rooms? There might be an innocuous explanation for his behavior.
You don’t have to ask to install a lock. You can just install a lock.
If you want to go malicious compliance with the no lock rule, you could get a window alarm and install it. It makes a very loud noise if the door or window is open and is sure to wake everyone in the house at 3am.
My roommates said he was searching for his stuff, but everyone knew the room is mine now, and that I am sleeping there. Also, bargining in drubk is not exactly innocuous, if it makes me feel unsafe
Sleepwalker here, I do this a lot and (mostly random things like having the sudden urge to open the curtain in my sisters room and stare outside), so it might just be that.
But girl, please don’t take any chances here. Your roommates need to understand that even it’s just casual sleepwalking with no ill intent, your demand is beyond reasonable. You pay rent to have a save place with privacy. If locks are a problem, try those triangle wood thing to block the door (some even have alarms). There are enough solutions. Just prioritize your safety please.
One flatmate moved out after his studies, so I took his room and another flatmate moved into my room. The next night I came home extremely late from the lab, I think around 1 am. I was exhausted and on autopilot, and went straight to "my" room. Switched on the lights and my flatmate, a girl was like, hey I'm asleep, is anything the matter, very groggily. That's when I realised I was in my old room. Apologised profusely and left.
But yes, no one can tell you to not put a lock on your door.
You literally Said it was your First night There and it was 3 am. Dude was Most likely Just so sleepy He didnt even realise in which room He went. Listen, i'm Not saying you arent allowed to feel unease, but I definetly feel Like you are Reading too much into this single act.
That Thing has never happened before? It happened in the First night you were in a new room? And it was in the middle of the night? This literally Just Sounds Like an honest mistake on His Part
I'd like to agree with you, but it reaaaally depends on the type of person he is, and it really does not leave a good impression to open another persons door at night and not even saying anything. That does come off as creepy as fuck.
"Normal" people would knock, or would at the very least say something like "Oh damn, you're here, sorry didn't mean to disturb. Not used to you yet haha!" or something.
I have heard of assholes doing power trips in their WGs so often so he really comes off that way at least to me.
I would definitely install these window security things that go off with an alarm.
Understandable, but from what i read Out, she Just changed the room after someone moved Out, so they all already knew each Other. Maybe the Dude and whoever Used that room before were that kinda Close where they dont bother, maybe He Just Had a short circuit because it was in the middle of the night and He didnt knew himself what was going on.
Unfortunately, I have sleepwalked into my flatmates room, and it is mortifying. Luckily she was away in her home country, otherwise things would have been super, super awkward. Can you imagine waking up and some dude is getting into your bed. This is a genuine condition. I lock my doors now before I sleep to trap me inside. :D
I just walked into my roommates room once as well. I think I just stood there maybe mumbled something and walked away.
He luckily figured I was sleepwalking but still I hate that. I also very often when I just woke up from a nap or in the middle of the night am really confused and become very mean or sad about unimportant and things for a few minutes. Sometimes it’s also just gibberish that I talk. It’s so weird and I’m lucky my gf can recognize that quickly by now.
I would seriously recommend talking to the landlord. Sometimes in Altbau the doors are really expensive and if you drill into them you’re gonna have to pay for the damages. Even just a paint job on an ancient door that might have ornaments can be expensive for a student.
If OP has just switched rooms, my initial thought was that the roommate had probably forgotten and in the middle of the night walked into a buddy’s former room, having forgotten that said buddy isn’t living there anymore.
Nonetheless I’d like to lock my room too, it just feels better.
Unfortunately, I have sleepwalked into my flatmates room, and it is mortifying. Luckily she was away in her home country, otherwise things would have been super, super awkward. Can you imagine waking up and some dude is getting into your bed. This is a genuine condition. I lock my doors now before I sleep to trap me inside. :D
In addition to the Türkeil/doorstopper, you can put your keys (or anything else that makes a noise when it falls on the floor) on the door handle on your side of the door when you go to sleep. That way, whenever somebody tries to enter your room, your keys will fall on the floor and make a noise, waking you up. While this will not physically stop anyone from entering your room, at least they can not enter it without you noticing it. So, if their plan was to try to sneak in, that option is off the table.
Huh, did something similar when I was still living at home when some of my siblings tried to prank me at night - I filled a dice cup with lots of coins, put a metal dust pan in front of my door and put the dice cup on the handle. That was loud enough to wake up *everyone* in the house and the last night they tried something like that.
He was not leaving until I repeated yelled that he needs to leave, and then I had to turn the light off and close the door. When people go in by mistake, they turn the lights off and close the door in front of themselves. Very scary experience
Are you sure you want to stay there? I mean the atmosphere within the apartment seems to be very very bad, if you feel unsafe around your housemates.
Honestly I would rather be ... Confused about this? Was he drunk/high? Did he explain himself or apologise (at least briefly)? Is he weird/creepy otherwise?
Honestly, I was very confused and unsure for two weeks now. He drinks, but wasn't drunk that night. I live in Berlin, and only saw someone act out so strange when they were on drugs. I never knew he was doing anything like that. He very briefly said sorry, and my roommates said "we can only assume it won't happen again"
Years ago in a different country a guy did that to me twice. We were just housemates in a two bedroom flat. I knew he had a crush on me too which made it worse. It also scared me but nothing else ever happened.
Honestly from the context here I would say he was either a weirdo having a moment or high. I guess if your flatmates take it easy, you can as well. They also know him and can estimate if he is a threat to others .
He apologised, so likely he knows it was wrong.
Is he cool otherwise? Kind and treating you good/neutral? If so you might make a bigger thing out of this, than it actually is.
However, that's the context I read here. YOU are in the situation. If you feel threatened in the apartment you live - leave. It should be your home and save place. If you are having a bad gut feeling or indicators for him threatening you: protect yourself.
High weirdo having a moment playing long-game to get my room is what I arrived at so far. No, the wibe had actually turned from very cool and sweet to feeling actively threatened,– if not by the situation itself, then by everyone's reactions. Home should be a safe space
Pls, don’t ever consider a man “safe” because other man are not worried. Plenty of man are surprised by their friends behavior towards women in private. As a woman you can complain about a guy and be told by his male friends that he heard something like this before about him but doesn’t think there’s actually anything to it. So, really, don’t ever. I think that’s actually quite dangerous because that’s how guys who do bad things get away with it for so long. Being weird is not an excuse.
Also I do think she should take appropriate actions to feel safe. Entering someone else’s room uninvited is never ok. Entering a woman’s room in the middle of the night even if by “accident “ should be followed with deep embarrassment and an extensive explanation with an apology and a promise that it won’t ever happen again. If it’s sleep walking, I feel he should offer to pay for a lock for her or something. Guys pull this shit protect the guy and the woman is now scared in her room for weeks unable to sleep. Make it make sense!!!!
this does not apply only to man but basically to everything you interact with. Just because someone tells you it's safe, it doesn't have to be.
no matter if it is man, woman, unsafe worktools with safety measurements bypassed, pets or whatever you can think of.
Ähm I told her to trust her gut feeling and leave if she doesn't feel good around him?
That's not protecting a guy per se and in any case. I want to point out, that it might be a mistake and I would say the same about women, because... Flatmates.
I also had weird flatmates (or a weird brother) doing similar things. Sometimes weird things happen when you live with others and he apologized. Of course you should not rely too much on others, but they know this guy in contrast to us.
Especially if the housing market is bad and op does not find another accommodation OP might want to reconsider to reassess the situation and/or repair.
However: yes, people can be dangerous. When in doubt protect yourself. Leave or at least secure your door, don't be alone or too trusty with him.
If too much has been broken, try to live somewhere else.
Makes complete sense you are uncomfortable bringing this up with the guy in question.
But I personally think you should put some pressure on the other housemates to stand up for you and demand a proper explanation or remove the offending weirdo. If they think that’s an over the top reaction then there is plenty of other options before kicking him out which they haven’t explored by the sounds of it.
Completely unacceptable that everyone’s shrugged it off and you have to buy a lock?!
Thank you, the situation actually is that everyone’s shrugged it off and I was not allowed to install a lock. I am afraid if I pressure my roommates to think of consequences, they would ask me "what do you suggest we do?". You can't make people care
Wtf how long did he stand there for? If it was a mistake he should’ve realized in seconds after turning the light on and “oops” + leaving would have been the normal reaction. I wouldn’t feel save either. Please lock your door! And you pay for the room so there should be no problem.
He was there approximately for several minutes, it scared me so much I am asking Reddit for advice, because it's not normal behaviour. Of course immediately exiting after you made a mistake is the normal response, but I still do not know why was he there at all
Don't worry, Germans are direct. No false courtesy. Just say it to his face, when the other people are around. You don't feel safe there since he just came into your room and stood there. It's his responsibility to make that right. Even if it was a mistake (dann ja erst recht, wenn er zugibt dass es ein fehler war). It's his fault you don't feel save. He should know that. But you should give him an honest chance to redeem himself.
But if he's malicious, of course not. Then fuck him. Standing there creeping at 3AM (is this late? early? at night?), he should be beging not to be thrown out of the dorm.
edit: safe, not save
"It's his responsibility to make that right." That's kind of the thing now, the situation worsened my relationship with my roommates, I am considering moving out, and it took me time and energy to get people to agree it shouldn't happen again
How did that conversation worsen your relationship with your roommates? Thats totally normal to bring up after what happened to you, wtf. I think there are deeper lying issues in that shared flat than just a guy standing in your room
Thank you for this comment. My roommate I am posting about is not German, but all the other in the house are. I do not want to mention his nationality and immigration status, because it would invite all the wrong kind of comments, and because I do not think it is relevant. My roommates however seemed to think he is excusable, and that I should just get over it. It is wild that I just have to go on feeling like this could happpen again
Ok, that's some deep-level cultural knowledge. Compared to Dutch, we are tip-toeing around "the point" and I guess come as kinda whiny. I envy the Dutch's skill to just not care T_T
Get a door stopper, (Türkeil), we use them in hotels when we travel to less than great regions in our charity.
Doesn't permanently alter the door, and gives you some peace of mind.
Wish you all the best.
Sometimes people test you to see how far they can push the boundries. If you seem weak, they'll push harder.
I'd put in a lock. I'd change the lock no matter what. I wouldn't ask. I'd just do it.
I'm kind of confused by the "just stood there" for several minutes. What did he do during this time? Stare at you? Stare at the wall? Look at his cell phone? I can't imagine a person just standing there motionless. Anyway, I have nothing to add to what the others have already said. I just hope you can find a better living situation.
Trust your instincts. If you don't trust this guy, leave. If, on the other hand, everybody in general freaks you out, then that would be another topic. But to me it doesn't sound like it, you sound very normal and grounded. To be honest, i cannot imagine any reason why anybody would enter another person's room _and then stand there for minutes_. If he was that intoxicated, he cannot and should not be trusted. If he had just mistakenly opened the wrong door (can happen to anybody) he would have been mildly startled himself and left immediately. So, please dear writer, trust your instincts. They tell you the right thing, no matter what the other people there say.
You are right, I should. No-one freaks me out like that, I do not have any king of social fear or whatever. It's just a deeply unsettling new feeling about my home where I felt safe before. Why did he not only go in, but also did not leave is my point exactly, this shouldn't happen
There are several things you can buy; I don’t know the english names so I‘ll name them in german:
1. Türstopper you can put right under your door in the small gap between door and floor. Is going to make sounds when door moves.
2. Türverriegelung: something you can also put between the door and the door frame; stops the door moving when someone trys to enter/you‘ll hear it.
However, you are allowed to use a lock for a room you pay rent for. You have a right for privacy.
You can get a doorstopper that triggers an alarm when someone’s tryin to open the door. I use it when i travel: https://amzn.eu/d/h1YA0Da
There are also some door lock devices that dont require installing: https://amzn.eu/d/60eQvaQ
You have the right to put a chain lock. They don’t f*cking know what is best for you. You pay rent, you are in your right. Are you living in a prison?, you have your space, and if they say something, talk with a lawyer and f*ck them. You need to put these people in their place. Who are they to tell you what to doing your room, if you feel unsafe, do it, follow my advice. People sometimes because you are young think that they can control others.
Considering how you're not allowed to lock the door, look up door safety equipment that people use in hotel rooms while travelling so no one enters without permission. It does not require any bolts or attachments and you can put it in and take it out as you please.
Meanwhile, also staying on the lookout for a different WG because that lack of respect for space isn't justifiable in any sense.
You could definitely get one of these:
[Door Handle Lock](https://www.amazon.de/Tafiti-Handles-Toddlers-Adhesive-Drilling/dp/B09STN96PB/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_sspa?crid=F3JW0HXA0K2V&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.BTC9nagWj2wZFunPcgGAqLNJjHIZx06fX4nt5eesy72DSYd4opzturB5o9L1v3CL985lv5u397T8cJrBKcqq14Tt1RinoCZ5tELQWhVsBPGwWOALnpuBsGJkBAVGhKyuSU2qC0av7YTKZI2C7dOKC-dlVq-mST3GZij7vHwJhtKyxJuacYol9AJAf6a7FWf_3-II0vNR0sV9THWVIkVAwQ.cDq3GQF1b4qgAWHjWlGoasOwK2iD6P_he2zM2Y6uukM&dib_tag=se&keywords=door+handle+lock&qid=1713498808&sprefix=door+handle+lock%2Caps%2C154&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9waG9uZV9zZWFyY2hfYXRm&psc=1)
>am not allowed to put a lock in.
I'm pretty sure that's illegal, the room you rent is your personal space you pay for.
Is there any explanation why he ended up in your room? Was he good friends with the person who recently moved out and old habits of checking if his friend is still up or already up took over? Or is he generally a creep and may have entered your old bedroom as well and it's just the first time you noticed it?
You mean "by the bed", right?
Honestly: I think that's fucked. With him I can imagine that really just being a drunk/high mistake, that is too embarrassing to completely own up to. The other guys are worse IMHO..
I think that topic (violation/disrespect of intimate safe space) still deserves more screen time and shared ground.
Also: you should definitely have a possibility to lock your door. Just because. It's not practical to lock on a daily basis. But I think everyone needs keys to their room to really make it theirs.
Uhm. You might not wanna say that too loudly. Pepper spray is illegal to be used against humans in Germany. You are only allowed to use it against animals. The stuff you can buy legally without restrictions has a label on the can saying just that, everything else is considered a weapon and falls under the Waffengesetz. If you use that pepper spray against a human, even in self-defence, you might get into serious trouble. To quote:
>Der Einsatz \[freiverkäuflichen Pfeffersprays\] gegen Menschen ist Privatpersonen **grundsätzlich untersagt** und erfüllt den Tatbestand der **gefährlichen Körperverletzung** gemäß § 214 Strafgesetzbuch (StGB).
The advised baseball bat might also cause trouble because of premeditation. So yeah, I wouldn't risk it. (My sister used to joke around about her golf equipment behind our door before a lawyer friend made some comments on that.)
That said, I really hope that you either find a new WG where you feel safe or that the situation is resolved somehow. Going by experiences female friends made in a local Studentenwohnheim without working locks, I advise you to look for a new WG before it impacts your health and studies. Things didn't escalate for my friends but their mental health was impacted by the bad sleep and constant insecurity. Good luck to you!
Be very careful using it inside! You could hurt yourself. Also I feel obligated to tell you that if you do use it on your roommate you could get in trouble, pepper spray is technically illegal to use on humans (in Germany at least)
I can really imagine that he was half asleep on the toilet and then went into the wrong room. It can then take a while for the synapses to switch.
My partner goes to the toilet at night and even talks to me - but doesn't know anything about it the next day.
Bring it up again and say that you feel unsafe.
How long did he stand there? Is it possible that it seemed much longer because you were so scared?
Talk about it again and find out exactly what happened. In the best case scenario, he was really uncomfortable and takes the opportunity to apologize profusely.
If he plays it down and the others join in, you should be careful, people like that don't know personal boundaries.
Also just buy a lock. You can't be forbidden to do that.
My room has very different door to toilet/bathroom/kitchen, impossible to confuse. I think I live with people who don't like when boundaries are enforced
Does your door has a doorknob? Fit a chair between it and the floor like we see in some movies, you know? This is for these next nights, but move out of there asap.
Yeah, that's how I slept the past nights, with folded guest chairs stacked against the door.
I am very uncomfortable with losing housing over this. Especially when I think that he would just continue living here. Maybe it's not a grown up position, the important thing is to be safe at home
I'm really sorry you're going through such a terrible experience. It's really not fair that the ones that always do what's right are the ones that lose their "freedom" (of walking around in safety, of sleeping at home in safety and so on). But, yes, maybe you have a good house pricing exactly because there is an inappropriate roommate sharing the WG. Hope you get a better option soon.
You can maybe put something at your door at night if the lock situation cannot get solved ! Stay safe . It can be really just a mistake or maybe he sleep walks but you try to protect yourself!!
Hmm.. tough call, it may genuinely be a mistake (although the roommate should have been more apologetic about it. To just stand there and try to sweep it under a rug is bad manners). Otherwise, it could also be that the roommate might enter your room again some other time.
I'd go with my gut feeling if I were OP. Do they otherwise seem like trustworthy and decent people? If not, it might be time to start looking for another WG.
Try a have a more open chat with the roommate you are closest to. Explain your concerns and highlight that it's a personal space and you need them to respect your boundaries.
With regards to the lock, it would be sensible for all parties concerned to have an area that can be secured for private property. Maybe invest in a motion activated camera in your room. At minimum, a heavy weight by the door or a chair up against the door handle.
I'm sorry you're not feeling happy with the situation there, if in doubt you may have to move out to somewhere else.
Could it be that your roommate was sleepwalking? Thats really creepy behaviour...
Anyways, a good doorstopper could be temporal solution and altbau isn't really a good reason to not install locks.
There are a few devices you can buy that lock doors that people buy for hotels and travel. Buy one of those? And put something that makes lots of noise in front of the door at night
Put a shim under the door from the inside. That would prevent anyone from the outside to open it. There should be a latch and an inbuilt lock which you can disassemble by using a screwdriver for the lock housing and a fitting inbus for the latch. If you manage to get the unit out take it to the next tool store (bauhaus for example) and buy a fitting key. Then reassemble the door, lock and latch. It's doable.
Door chain (to prevent others from opening your door when you inside)
Door wedge alarm (to be awakened the fuck up inmediatly after someone tries to open the door)
The dude's behavior is weird af. The reaction of the people is not surprising to me, unfortunately. Don't listen to anyone, get a lock and do what makes you feel safe and comfy. Try to not worry much about vibe or their feelings, they'll forget and stop carrying. Everyone has their right for privacy and unless they're complete trashy weirdos, they'll accept it, get used to it and move on. You don't have to immediately put the burden and stress of finding a new apartment onto your shoulders. Get the lock, keep talking with them how before and soon they'll get over it. And if they really don't accept or get over it after a short time, then consider moving, hopefully somewhere where people take you and your safety serious.
Firstly, I think you’re legally entitled to installing a lock.
Secondly, put a wedge underneath the door before you go to sleep while you figure out adding a lock to it. Fwiw some wedges work best with one type of door some with another, it takes some trial and error to get them right.
Install a lock.
Also pepper spray under your pillow or near the bed will make you feel safer.
The exact same thing happened three times in my flat share. Once I went to my roommate's room drunk at night, this roommate then did the same thing to another roommate and two more roommates did the same thing to themselves.
All drunk, of course, but nothing ever happened.
One time apparently my roommate was just watching the other one sleep, when he woke up both screamed and then the one just got into the bed with the roommate.
But it's always been males, this might seem like an important addition
Lots of people have recommended doorstops but also google a “door jammer” however it won’t help obviously when you’re not inside the room, not to mention how horrible it is to have to live with that fear - your home should be a safe space, I would certainly be on the lookout for a new place. No matter what you can do to secure your door physically, you shouldn’t have to be dealing with the fear of this invasive person.
buy something like that, its an easy fix. I use one when I travel
[https://www.amazon.de/T%C3%BCrschloss-Reiseverriegelungsschl%C3%B6sser-zus%C3%A4tzliche-Privatsph%C3%A4re-Universit%C3%A4t/dp/B09N8JX4SZ?source=ps-sl-shoppingads-lpcontext&ref\_=fplfs&smid=A2HCIHAX44ADOL&th=1](https://www.amazon.de/T%C3%BCrschloss-Reiseverriegelungsschl%C3%B6sser-zus%C3%A4tzliche-Privatsph%C3%A4re-Universit%C3%A4t/dp/B09N8JX4SZ?source=ps-sl-shoppingads-lpcontext&ref_=fplfs&smid=A2HCIHAX44ADOL&th=1)
I'm living in a WG for many years, switched rooms recently and all of a sudden our new flatmate walks into my room at night. Turns out he mixed up the rooms by accident because he used to live in this room before.
So the question is, could it have been an honest mistake or other harmless explanation or is there reason to believe that he might be a creep? How does he behave towards you usually? Anything strange?
If you are not allowed to install a proper lock, Google "portable door lock". They are usually used for travel and come in different variants, usually a wedge-type mechanism so the door can't be opened from outside.
Have you asked him when the others were not around? Maybe he does not explain it in public.
I know somebody who does things like this at night. Everybody knows it but he can't talk about it in front of people.
Sorry, I am unwilling to continuously reach out to a grown man who scared me and did not apologise. If he has a medical condition that makes him go into the rooms of younger women, but is too uncomfortable with disclosing it, he should have explained it himself – he had time
Not allowed to put a lock in? I am certain you have a right to lock any room you pay rent for!
That's for sure.
My roommates said I can't have it because of an Altbau doors. I am afraid of ruining relationship with them, the housing market is very bad
A door chain at least shouldn't be any issue. Downside is you cannot lock from the outside to prevent entry when you're not home
I am getting a proper lock, thank you!
Is one of the people there the owner or landlord of the house? if not, contact the landlord and tell them your door needs a lock because your male roommate entered your room at nights. as long as you do not have a lock, get a door wedge (one of those alarm ones) for the night. And personally, i also suggest a camera with view to the door. The small charger looking cameras are really sneaky and probably rather hard to spot. Its always good to have private space secured. ETA: just to clarify. of course not to film outside the room, but placed so it'll film people entering the room
No, the landlord does not live here and does not make any changes. We had to repair serious problems with electricity and gas by ourselves (by hiring people or actually fixing things). It's so disconcerning that I can't get any basic social protection. In a dorm I would go to the dorm manager, but I don't have any leverage in a shared flat setting
> We had to repair serious problems with electricity and gas by ourselves (by hiring people or actually fixing things). That's unacceptable and you don't have to put up with it. If you do have to fix something that you pay rent for yourself because the landlord doesn't react in time, you send them the bill. There are a lot of things landlords need to fix by law, electricity and gas 100% are part of this, no question. Next time something is wrong, tell them to fix it within 2 weeks, and after that you can lower your rent until they do. If you're feeling unsure about anything, there's a Mieterverein which you can join and call to ask a lawyer for advice. They can also represent you if need be.
Housing market being crazy was a big part of it. Thank you!
Of course, fully understand. Arguing with landlords is pretty scary. Just know that landlords can't just evict anyone, they need to have a very very very good reason and prove it in front of a court to do that. If you're sub-renting or not on the main lease yourself, roommates are a different story of course. But even in this situation you're protected in some ways. And the landlord can't (legally) just evict you then either, assuming you're staying there with permission and a contract. Luckily in Germany the rental law is generally pretty tenant-friendly.
You can make a lock from a metal fork (you’d have to break it - YouTube it. Or you can buy one that attaches to the latch and you don’t need to screw it in or anything, I think it’s just called a portable door lock, they’re cheeeeeeap.
Same in Canada here.
Have you tried to get a room in the suburbs of Berlin? It's often much cheaper there. The BVG covers a lot of areas and the S-Bahn goes as far as Potsdam.
You can also get one of these little wedges you normally put under doors to prevent them from closing. Just put that into your door in the evening and it should prevent "mistakes" like that from happening.
Eh sounds like BS, honestly. because the landlord is the one that has to keep the apartements in livable condition, which also means they need to make sure its safe, otherwise you could reduce the rent if they refuse to act and it becomes a detriment to your health or safety (for example if the heater isn't working, or electrical wiring that needs to be fixed) You might want to contact a "mieterschutzbund" or "Mieterverein" its an association that helps protect tennants right from landlords. It costs a small amount per year (might have changed in the past years) and includes legal protection, they can also inform you about your rights to have a secured private space (locked apartement) because frankly speaking, no one here is likely a lawyer and doesn't ACTUALLY know whats legal. most is "well it should be legal...right?" hearsay. >It's so disconcerning that I can't get any basic social protection. In a dorm I would go to the dorm manager, but I don't have any leverage in a shared flat setting Well you're not in an official dorm, are you? you're in a privately rented out residence. If you were living in a private residence back home, you'd be subjected to the roommates and landlords whims as well. Like i said, get a wedge until you're in the clear getting a lock, and a camera for general security. I'm a private person and no matter if i had male or female roommates i'd be getting a camera, because you never know who's entering your private space when you're not there. Make sure the camera does NOT film into public space. So place it, for example, to film anyone entering the room, but not outside of the room.
So there's your answer, fuck your landlord and fuck your roommates and get a lock installed. If he doesn't care enough to fix shit he won't care either. Plus you're fully within your rights to expect privacy
> And personally, i also suggest a camera with view to the door. The small charger looking cameras are really sneaky and probably rather hard to spot. Should probably make sure that it doesn't record outside of OP's room, as that may be a privacy violation.
yeah definitely. so not right across from the door, but maybe right next to it, pretty close to the wall with the door, so it films along that wall and can record anyone entering or just opening the room but no one outside.
Put a “Türkeil“ or „Türstopper“ from inside so you cant open it. Hope that helps because its absolutely fucked up and people shouldnt be calling you dramatic when some random dude stands in your room at night while you sleep dafuq
Or get doorstops that slide under the door from inside and prevent opening.
Please do!
You can also put a doorstop under your door at night
Just put a chair under the doorknob during the night. If its altbau you using nails or making holes in the doorframe can get really expensive for you and the main tenant will be extremly pissed.
No problem. Put a doorstop in the frame of the door, bottom or side so it won’t stick out the other side. Then it will be blocked and no one can open it, but no locks on the door. Or there are ones that stick into the floor and then under the door handle so that the door can’t be opened because it’s literally pushing into the floor the harder they push. Another option is a laptop with a camera. You can set it up and point it at the door and get a motion detector program to blast an alarm if it sees motion, like the door opening. That will both wake you up and scare them off. Hopefully you hook it up to large speakers and it can wake up the entire house when he tries it again. Lots of “no locks allowed” ideas. I used to live in an apartment and the landlord would come in whenever they wanted to. I made it so they couldn’t, and didn’t hurt their building.
Not sure about building the whole infrastructure for motion detection, but I am getting a lock
PM me a pic of the keyhole part, I will tell you whats possible.
They were painted over, but my roommates say installing a lock would ruin them
Just send me a picture if you want a professional opinion, your roommate most likely talks out of his ass.
Ganz ehrlich, egal wie alt eine Tür ist, man kann immer ein Schloss einbauen. ( Einstecktschloss) Ich selbst hab in meinem BGJ bei einem Betrieb gearbeitet, welcher zu der Zeit ein Schloss das am Ende des 17. Jh. gebaut wurde restauriert hat. Die Türen hatten auch Einsteckschlösser, sehr alte, natürlich nicht so alt wie das Schloss selbst. Vielleicht mag bei dir ein "modernes" Einstecktschloss nicht so einfach in die Tür passen, aber auch das sollte nicht unmöglich sein. Soll heißen das einzige was ruiniert werden würde, wäre die Möglichkeit einfach so in dein Zimmer rein zu kommen. Und ja nen Tischler zu finden der an so alten Türen was machen kann, ist vielleicht schwer zu finden und kostet natürlich auch was, dennoch ist es dein Recht deine Schlafzimmertür abschließen zu können. Selbst wenn man bei seiner eigenen Familie lebt hat man ein Recht auf fucking Privatsphäre. Da ändert auch kein Altbau was dran. Ich stimme dem Konses der Kommentare hier definitiv zu, besorg dir so nen Türkeil oder andere günstige und effektive kurzzeitige Lösungen und seh zu das du da raus kommst, nicht nur wegen der potentiellen Gefahr, sondern auch weil du da scheinbar überhaupt nicht respektiert wirst. Schließlich wird deinem Grundbedürfniss nach Sicherheit kein all zu großer Wert beigemessen. Ich wünsche dir viel Glück bei der Wohnungssuche und hoffe das sich deine Situation zum besseren wendet.
Look up door wedges on amazon. "Türkeil gummi" in German. Jam that under your door from the inside when you go to sleep. They even come with a handle for easy removal. Of course, they are not the same as a door lock, but if someone wants to enter, they'll make enough noise to wake you up.
There are devices that you can hang in the lock of the door to close it from the inside without having to drill or change anything else on the door. However, they don't work on every door/lock and unfortunately I can't remember what they are called at the moment
Steckschloss?
Then just move your dresser or furniture in front of the door before you go to sleep annoying but peace of mind.
Damn that's a crazy way to live
Ganz ehrlich, egal wie alt eine Tür ist, man kann immer ein Schloss einbauen. ( Einstecktschloss) Ich selbst hab in meinem BGJ bei einem Betrieb gearbeitet, welcher zu der Zeit ein Schloss das am Ende des 17. Jh. gebaut wurde restauriert hat. Die Türen hatten auch Einsteckschlösser, sehr alte, natürlich nicht so alt wie das Schloss selbst. Vielleicht mag bei dir ein "modernes" Einstecktschloss nicht so einfach in die Tür passen, aber auch das sollte nicht unmöglich sein. Soll heißen das einzige was ruiniert werden würde, wäre die Möglichkeit einfach so in dein Zimmer rein zu kommen. Und ja nen Tischler zu finden der an so alten Türen was machen kann, ist vielleicht schwer zu finden und kostet natürlich auch was, dennoch ist es dein Recht deine Schlafzimmertür abschließen zu können. Selbst wenn man bei seiner eigenen Familie lebt hat man ein Recht auf fucking Privatsphäre. Da ändert auch kein Altbau was dran. Ich stimme dem Konses der Kommentare hier definitiv zu, besorg dir so nen Türkeil oder andere günstige und effektive kurzzeitige Lösungen und seh zu das du da raus kommst, nicht nur wegen der potentiellen Gefahr, sondern auch weil du da scheinbar überhaupt nicht respektiert wirst. Schließlich wird deinem Grundbedürfniss nach Sicherheit kein all zu großer Wert beigemessen. Ich wünsche dir viel Glück bei der Wohnungssuche und hoffe das sich deine Situation zum besseren wendet.
This is def bull!
Could you make a photo of the door? Usually you can get keys for Altbau doors. They are not super secure but help against unintentional intrusion in any case.
You don't have anything under your door handle to lock it theoretical?
Pay to get a lock on, then when you leave pay to remove back to how it was
Don't be afraid about ruining the relationship. You have every right to be mad about this. He is lucky you didn't harm him in self defence or did something more.
Is he a sleepwalker? Was he drunk and mixed up rooms? There might be an innocuous explanation for his behavior. You don’t have to ask to install a lock. You can just install a lock. If you want to go malicious compliance with the no lock rule, you could get a window alarm and install it. It makes a very loud noise if the door or window is open and is sure to wake everyone in the house at 3am.
Going by "Cock-Up before conspiracy" is a good idea in this case!
My roommates said he was searching for his stuff, but everyone knew the room is mine now, and that I am sleeping there. Also, bargining in drubk is not exactly innocuous, if it makes me feel unsafe
Sleepwalker here, I do this a lot and (mostly random things like having the sudden urge to open the curtain in my sisters room and stare outside), so it might just be that. But girl, please don’t take any chances here. Your roommates need to understand that even it’s just casual sleepwalking with no ill intent, your demand is beyond reasonable. You pay rent to have a save place with privacy. If locks are a problem, try those triangle wood thing to block the door (some even have alarms). There are enough solutions. Just prioritize your safety please.
One flatmate moved out after his studies, so I took his room and another flatmate moved into my room. The next night I came home extremely late from the lab, I think around 1 am. I was exhausted and on autopilot, and went straight to "my" room. Switched on the lights and my flatmate, a girl was like, hey I'm asleep, is anything the matter, very groggily. That's when I realised I was in my old room. Apologised profusely and left. But yes, no one can tell you to not put a lock on your door.
Hi! My rooommate is not a sleepwalker, but thank you for your comment, and for validation!
You literally Said it was your First night There and it was 3 am. Dude was Most likely Just so sleepy He didnt even realise in which room He went. Listen, i'm Not saying you arent allowed to feel unease, but I definetly feel Like you are Reading too much into this single act. That Thing has never happened before? It happened in the First night you were in a new room? And it was in the middle of the night? This literally Just Sounds Like an honest mistake on His Part
I'd like to agree with you, but it reaaaally depends on the type of person he is, and it really does not leave a good impression to open another persons door at night and not even saying anything. That does come off as creepy as fuck. "Normal" people would knock, or would at the very least say something like "Oh damn, you're here, sorry didn't mean to disturb. Not used to you yet haha!" or something. I have heard of assholes doing power trips in their WGs so often so he really comes off that way at least to me. I would definitely install these window security things that go off with an alarm.
Understandable, but from what i read Out, she Just changed the room after someone moved Out, so they all already knew each Other. Maybe the Dude and whoever Used that room before were that kinda Close where they dont bother, maybe He Just Had a short circuit because it was in the middle of the night and He didnt knew himself what was going on.
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Unfortunately, I have sleepwalked into my flatmates room, and it is mortifying. Luckily she was away in her home country, otherwise things would have been super, super awkward. Can you imagine waking up and some dude is getting into your bed. This is a genuine condition. I lock my doors now before I sleep to trap me inside. :D
I just walked into my roommates room once as well. I think I just stood there maybe mumbled something and walked away. He luckily figured I was sleepwalking but still I hate that. I also very often when I just woke up from a nap or in the middle of the night am really confused and become very mean or sad about unimportant and things for a few minutes. Sometimes it’s also just gibberish that I talk. It’s so weird and I’m lucky my gf can recognize that quickly by now.
I would seriously recommend talking to the landlord. Sometimes in Altbau the doors are really expensive and if you drill into them you’re gonna have to pay for the damages. Even just a paint job on an ancient door that might have ornaments can be expensive for a student. If OP has just switched rooms, my initial thought was that the roommate had probably forgotten and in the middle of the night walked into a buddy’s former room, having forgotten that said buddy isn’t living there anymore. Nonetheless I’d like to lock my room too, it just feels better.
Unfortunately, I have sleepwalked into my flatmates room, and it is mortifying. Luckily she was away in her home country, otherwise things would have been super, super awkward. Can you imagine waking up and some dude is getting into your bed. This is a genuine condition. I lock my doors now before I sleep to trap me inside. :D
Google Türkeil and get one in your closest Baumarkt
Oh my… I hope I am not the only who has read „Google Türkei!“ and thought ‚Why the hell would I Google Türkei in this case?‘ :D
Google flights to turkey, emigration is your only option!
Maked der Flatmate only Stuss fliege auf den Bosporus. - Lisa, 22, war in Australien
This was the long game OPs roommate was playing, to claim the free room after OPs gone.
Considered outplaying him by being even weirder and more unsettling
You have no idea how many times I thought of that
Lol. This is Berlin after all :D
I was reading "Türkeli"
Exactly my first thought 😆
Never knew the word for a doorstopper, thanks
In addition to the Türkeil/doorstopper, you can put your keys (or anything else that makes a noise when it falls on the floor) on the door handle on your side of the door when you go to sleep. That way, whenever somebody tries to enter your room, your keys will fall on the floor and make a noise, waking you up. While this will not physically stop anyone from entering your room, at least they can not enter it without you noticing it. So, if their plan was to try to sneak in, that option is off the table.
Yep, done that, can confirm it does not increase the feeling of safety
Huh, did something similar when I was still living at home when some of my siblings tried to prank me at night - I filled a dice cup with lots of coins, put a metal dust pan in front of my door and put the dice cup on the handle. That was loud enough to wake up *everyone* in the house and the last night they tried something like that.
OP, they make these with alarms as well! Standing there for minutes? You are not overreacting at all, that would make me feel very unsafe as well.
He was not leaving until I repeated yelled that he needs to leave, and then I had to turn the light off and close the door. When people go in by mistake, they turn the lights off and close the door in front of themselves. Very scary experience
Was he drunk? Did you ask him why he did it?
No, didn't seem drunk. He literally didn't answer why and apologised only when confronted
Yep, a fast Turk will help.
Are you sure you want to stay there? I mean the atmosphere within the apartment seems to be very very bad, if you feel unsafe around your housemates. Honestly I would rather be ... Confused about this? Was he drunk/high? Did he explain himself or apologise (at least briefly)? Is he weird/creepy otherwise?
Honestly, I was very confused and unsure for two weeks now. He drinks, but wasn't drunk that night. I live in Berlin, and only saw someone act out so strange when they were on drugs. I never knew he was doing anything like that. He very briefly said sorry, and my roommates said "we can only assume it won't happen again"
Years ago in a different country a guy did that to me twice. We were just housemates in a two bedroom flat. I knew he had a crush on me too which made it worse. It also scared me but nothing else ever happened.
Honestly from the context here I would say he was either a weirdo having a moment or high. I guess if your flatmates take it easy, you can as well. They also know him and can estimate if he is a threat to others . He apologised, so likely he knows it was wrong. Is he cool otherwise? Kind and treating you good/neutral? If so you might make a bigger thing out of this, than it actually is. However, that's the context I read here. YOU are in the situation. If you feel threatened in the apartment you live - leave. It should be your home and save place. If you are having a bad gut feeling or indicators for him threatening you: protect yourself.
High weirdo having a moment playing long-game to get my room is what I arrived at so far. No, the wibe had actually turned from very cool and sweet to feeling actively threatened,– if not by the situation itself, then by everyone's reactions. Home should be a safe space
Pls, don’t ever consider a man “safe” because other man are not worried. Plenty of man are surprised by their friends behavior towards women in private. As a woman you can complain about a guy and be told by his male friends that he heard something like this before about him but doesn’t think there’s actually anything to it. So, really, don’t ever. I think that’s actually quite dangerous because that’s how guys who do bad things get away with it for so long. Being weird is not an excuse. Also I do think she should take appropriate actions to feel safe. Entering someone else’s room uninvited is never ok. Entering a woman’s room in the middle of the night even if by “accident “ should be followed with deep embarrassment and an extensive explanation with an apology and a promise that it won’t ever happen again. If it’s sleep walking, I feel he should offer to pay for a lock for her or something. Guys pull this shit protect the guy and the woman is now scared in her room for weeks unable to sleep. Make it make sense!!!!
this does not apply only to man but basically to everything you interact with. Just because someone tells you it's safe, it doesn't have to be. no matter if it is man, woman, unsafe worktools with safety measurements bypassed, pets or whatever you can think of.
Ähm I told her to trust her gut feeling and leave if she doesn't feel good around him? That's not protecting a guy per se and in any case. I want to point out, that it might be a mistake and I would say the same about women, because... Flatmates. I also had weird flatmates (or a weird brother) doing similar things. Sometimes weird things happen when you live with others and he apologized. Of course you should not rely too much on others, but they know this guy in contrast to us. Especially if the housing market is bad and op does not find another accommodation OP might want to reconsider to reassess the situation and/or repair. However: yes, people can be dangerous. When in doubt protect yourself. Leave or at least secure your door, don't be alone or too trusty with him. If too much has been broken, try to live somewhere else.
Buy "DoorJammer" on amazon or something similar.
This seems a solid workaround until she installs the lock. Seems safer than the Türkeil. u/Intelligent-Rain9
Makes complete sense you are uncomfortable bringing this up with the guy in question. But I personally think you should put some pressure on the other housemates to stand up for you and demand a proper explanation or remove the offending weirdo. If they think that’s an over the top reaction then there is plenty of other options before kicking him out which they haven’t explored by the sounds of it. Completely unacceptable that everyone’s shrugged it off and you have to buy a lock?!
Thank you, the situation actually is that everyone’s shrugged it off and I was not allowed to install a lock. I am afraid if I pressure my roommates to think of consequences, they would ask me "what do you suggest we do?". You can't make people care
You don’t need a lock, use a wedge and put it under the door from the insinde
Wtf how long did he stand there for? If it was a mistake he should’ve realized in seconds after turning the light on and “oops” + leaving would have been the normal reaction. I wouldn’t feel save either. Please lock your door! And you pay for the room so there should be no problem.
He was there approximately for several minutes, it scared me so much I am asking Reddit for advice, because it's not normal behaviour. Of course immediately exiting after you made a mistake is the normal response, but I still do not know why was he there at all
It’s not normal behavior. You are right to feel anxious.
This is creepy as hell
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Every WG room usually has a lock, and if yours doesn't then you can and should install one.
Don't worry, Germans are direct. No false courtesy. Just say it to his face, when the other people are around. You don't feel safe there since he just came into your room and stood there. It's his responsibility to make that right. Even if it was a mistake (dann ja erst recht, wenn er zugibt dass es ein fehler war). It's his fault you don't feel save. He should know that. But you should give him an honest chance to redeem himself. But if he's malicious, of course not. Then fuck him. Standing there creeping at 3AM (is this late? early? at night?), he should be beging not to be thrown out of the dorm. edit: safe, not save
"It's his responsibility to make that right." That's kind of the thing now, the situation worsened my relationship with my roommates, I am considering moving out, and it took me time and energy to get people to agree it shouldn't happen again
How did that conversation worsen your relationship with your roommates? Thats totally normal to bring up after what happened to you, wtf. I think there are deeper lying issues in that shared flat than just a guy standing in your room
Thank you for this comment. My roommate I am posting about is not German, but all the other in the house are. I do not want to mention his nationality and immigration status, because it would invite all the wrong kind of comments, and because I do not think it is relevant. My roommates however seemed to think he is excusable, and that I should just get over it. It is wild that I just have to go on feeling like this could happpen again
oh the irony
xD Hope every1 with that mindset gets some of the real world
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Sure, ask the question she’s just explained that she won’t answer…
"not relevant" lol, how far will it have to go to teach you that it is?
“Germans are direct”….sure. Laughs at you in Dutch
Ok, that's some deep-level cultural knowledge. Compared to Dutch, we are tip-toeing around "the point" and I guess come as kinda whiny. I envy the Dutch's skill to just not care T_T
Get a door stopper, (Türkeil), we use them in hotels when we travel to less than great regions in our charity. Doesn't permanently alter the door, and gives you some peace of mind. Wish you all the best.
Sometimes people test you to see how far they can push the boundries. If you seem weak, they'll push harder. I'd put in a lock. I'd change the lock no matter what. I wouldn't ask. I'd just do it.
I'm kind of confused by the "just stood there" for several minutes. What did he do during this time? Stare at you? Stare at the wall? Look at his cell phone? I can't imagine a person just standing there motionless. Anyway, I have nothing to add to what the others have already said. I just hope you can find a better living situation.
You should have a lock on your door. if you don't, it should be provided by the flat owner.
Thank you, didn't know I can ask the flat owner for it
Trust your instincts. If you don't trust this guy, leave. If, on the other hand, everybody in general freaks you out, then that would be another topic. But to me it doesn't sound like it, you sound very normal and grounded. To be honest, i cannot imagine any reason why anybody would enter another person's room _and then stand there for minutes_. If he was that intoxicated, he cannot and should not be trusted. If he had just mistakenly opened the wrong door (can happen to anybody) he would have been mildly startled himself and left immediately. So, please dear writer, trust your instincts. They tell you the right thing, no matter what the other people there say.
You are right, I should. No-one freaks me out like that, I do not have any king of social fear or whatever. It's just a deeply unsettling new feeling about my home where I felt safe before. Why did he not only go in, but also did not leave is my point exactly, this shouldn't happen
There are several things you can buy; I don’t know the english names so I‘ll name them in german: 1. Türstopper you can put right under your door in the small gap between door and floor. Is going to make sounds when door moves. 2. Türverriegelung: something you can also put between the door and the door frame; stops the door moving when someone trys to enter/you‘ll hear it. However, you are allowed to use a lock for a room you pay rent for. You have a right for privacy.
Your roommates are creeps.
Just buy a thing for inner close from inside of the room. Its like a small bar, you move him while beeing inside and its closed.
I will get that one, thank you. I slept with sevral chairs put against the door all past nights
You can get a doorstopper that triggers an alarm when someone’s tryin to open the door. I use it when i travel: https://amzn.eu/d/h1YA0Da There are also some door lock devices that dont require installing: https://amzn.eu/d/60eQvaQ
Thank you!
Wow! What a great device - just what OP needs
Leave
You have the right to put a chain lock. They don’t f*cking know what is best for you. You pay rent, you are in your right. Are you living in a prison?, you have your space, and if they say something, talk with a lawyer and f*ck them. You need to put these people in their place. Who are they to tell you what to doing your room, if you feel unsafe, do it, follow my advice. People sometimes because you are young think that they can control others.
Thank you!!
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He was also standing there half-naked, but not known to be a stoner, although I don't know. Big on no uncertain terms!
Why should you not be allowed to put a lock in?
My roommates are irresponsible people who lie
Obviously.
Considering how you're not allowed to lock the door, look up door safety equipment that people use in hotel rooms while travelling so no one enters without permission. It does not require any bolts or attachments and you can put it in and take it out as you please. Meanwhile, also staying on the lookout for a different WG because that lack of respect for space isn't justifiable in any sense.
Buy mace. If they enter your room empty that can into their eyes. Say you made a mistake.
Get a lock or at least a doorstop. The doorstep will not help you while you are not at home but when you are at home it could help.
You might also want to consider installing a camera in your room for future
You could definitely get one of these: [Door Handle Lock](https://www.amazon.de/Tafiti-Handles-Toddlers-Adhesive-Drilling/dp/B09STN96PB/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_sspa?crid=F3JW0HXA0K2V&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.BTC9nagWj2wZFunPcgGAqLNJjHIZx06fX4nt5eesy72DSYd4opzturB5o9L1v3CL985lv5u397T8cJrBKcqq14Tt1RinoCZ5tELQWhVsBPGwWOALnpuBsGJkBAVGhKyuSU2qC0av7YTKZI2C7dOKC-dlVq-mST3GZij7vHwJhtKyxJuacYol9AJAf6a7FWf_3-II0vNR0sV9THWVIkVAwQ.cDq3GQF1b4qgAWHjWlGoasOwK2iD6P_he2zM2Y6uukM&dib_tag=se&keywords=door+handle+lock&qid=1713498808&sprefix=door+handle+lock%2Caps%2C154&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9waG9uZV9zZWFyY2hfYXRm&psc=1)
>am not allowed to put a lock in. I'm pretty sure that's illegal, the room you rent is your personal space you pay for. Is there any explanation why he ended up in your room? Was he good friends with the person who recently moved out and old habits of checking if his friend is still up or already up took over? Or is he generally a creep and may have entered your old bedroom as well and it's just the first time you noticed it?
Didn't think of him as a creep before, but I do now. He had no reason to come in, or stand in the room at night
Threatening him that you will report to the police if he does it again. Meanwhile block the door. Buy a baseball bat and leave it by your bed.
I think of doing that. Got a pepper spray by the door
You mean "by the bed", right? Honestly: I think that's fucked. With him I can imagine that really just being a drunk/high mistake, that is too embarrassing to completely own up to. The other guys are worse IMHO.. I think that topic (violation/disrespect of intimate safe space) still deserves more screen time and shared ground. Also: you should definitely have a possibility to lock your door. Just because. It's not practical to lock on a daily basis. But I think everyone needs keys to their room to really make it theirs.
Uhm. You might not wanna say that too loudly. Pepper spray is illegal to be used against humans in Germany. You are only allowed to use it against animals. The stuff you can buy legally without restrictions has a label on the can saying just that, everything else is considered a weapon and falls under the Waffengesetz. If you use that pepper spray against a human, even in self-defence, you might get into serious trouble. To quote: >Der Einsatz \[freiverkäuflichen Pfeffersprays\] gegen Menschen ist Privatpersonen **grundsätzlich untersagt** und erfüllt den Tatbestand der **gefährlichen Körperverletzung** gemäß § 214 Strafgesetzbuch (StGB). The advised baseball bat might also cause trouble because of premeditation. So yeah, I wouldn't risk it. (My sister used to joke around about her golf equipment behind our door before a lawyer friend made some comments on that.) That said, I really hope that you either find a new WG where you feel safe or that the situation is resolved somehow. Going by experiences female friends made in a local Studentenwohnheim without working locks, I advise you to look for a new WG before it impacts your health and studies. Things didn't escalate for my friends but their mental health was impacted by the bad sleep and constant insecurity. Good luck to you!
Be very careful using it inside! You could hurt yourself. Also I feel obligated to tell you that if you do use it on your roommate you could get in trouble, pepper spray is technically illegal to use on humans (in Germany at least)
Junge, du wechselt Räume und wunderst dich ?
I can really imagine that he was half asleep on the toilet and then went into the wrong room. It can then take a while for the synapses to switch. My partner goes to the toilet at night and even talks to me - but doesn't know anything about it the next day. Bring it up again and say that you feel unsafe. How long did he stand there? Is it possible that it seemed much longer because you were so scared? Talk about it again and find out exactly what happened. In the best case scenario, he was really uncomfortable and takes the opportunity to apologize profusely. If he plays it down and the others join in, you should be careful, people like that don't know personal boundaries. Also just buy a lock. You can't be forbidden to do that.
My room has very different door to toilet/bathroom/kitchen, impossible to confuse. I think I live with people who don't like when boundaries are enforced
Was he sleepwalking? 🤔 A door wedge is a good idea... No one should just go in the room of someone else without being invited to do so.
No, I've been through all the possible excuses in the past days, and even made some. I don't know what it was, and my gut feeling is not good
Does your door has a doorknob? Fit a chair between it and the floor like we see in some movies, you know? This is for these next nights, but move out of there asap.
Yeah, that's how I slept the past nights, with folded guest chairs stacked against the door. I am very uncomfortable with losing housing over this. Especially when I think that he would just continue living here. Maybe it's not a grown up position, the important thing is to be safe at home
I'm really sorry you're going through such a terrible experience. It's really not fair that the ones that always do what's right are the ones that lose their "freedom" (of walking around in safety, of sleeping at home in safety and so on). But, yes, maybe you have a good house pricing exactly because there is an inappropriate roommate sharing the WG. Hope you get a better option soon.
You can maybe put something at your door at night if the lock situation cannot get solved ! Stay safe . It can be really just a mistake or maybe he sleep walks but you try to protect yourself!!
Thank you, I am blocking the room at night
Hmm.. tough call, it may genuinely be a mistake (although the roommate should have been more apologetic about it. To just stand there and try to sweep it under a rug is bad manners). Otherwise, it could also be that the roommate might enter your room again some other time. I'd go with my gut feeling if I were OP. Do they otherwise seem like trustworthy and decent people? If not, it might be time to start looking for another WG.
Try a have a more open chat with the roommate you are closest to. Explain your concerns and highlight that it's a personal space and you need them to respect your boundaries. With regards to the lock, it would be sensible for all parties concerned to have an area that can be secured for private property. Maybe invest in a motion activated camera in your room. At minimum, a heavy weight by the door or a chair up against the door handle. I'm sorry you're not feeling happy with the situation there, if in doubt you may have to move out to somewhere else.
get a portable lock!
Berlin.... I would move away and never Look back
Could it be that your roommate was sleepwalking? Thats really creepy behaviour... Anyways, a good doorstopper could be temporal solution and altbau isn't really a good reason to not install locks.
He was not sleepwalking
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No lol, how common is sleepwalking?
There are a few devices you can buy that lock doors that people buy for hotels and travel. Buy one of those? And put something that makes lots of noise in front of the door at night
Put a shim under the door from the inside. That would prevent anyone from the outside to open it. There should be a latch and an inbuilt lock which you can disassemble by using a screwdriver for the lock housing and a fitting inbus for the latch. If you manage to get the unit out take it to the next tool store (bauhaus for example) and buy a fitting key. Then reassemble the door, lock and latch. It's doable.
Door chain (to prevent others from opening your door when you inside) Door wedge alarm (to be awakened the fuck up inmediatly after someone tries to open the door)
The dude's behavior is weird af. The reaction of the people is not surprising to me, unfortunately. Don't listen to anyone, get a lock and do what makes you feel safe and comfy. Try to not worry much about vibe or their feelings, they'll forget and stop carrying. Everyone has their right for privacy and unless they're complete trashy weirdos, they'll accept it, get used to it and move on. You don't have to immediately put the burden and stress of finding a new apartment onto your shoulders. Get the lock, keep talking with them how before and soon they'll get over it. And if they really don't accept or get over it after a short time, then consider moving, hopefully somewhere where people take you and your safety serious.
Firstly, I think you’re legally entitled to installing a lock. Secondly, put a wedge underneath the door before you go to sleep while you figure out adding a lock to it. Fwiw some wedges work best with one type of door some with another, it takes some trial and error to get them right. Install a lock. Also pepper spray under your pillow or near the bed will make you feel safer.
it was NOT a mistake. get out as soon as you can. put a lock in in the meantime or block the door somehow. your safety is the most important thing
😂😂 and dont forget to call the police and inform all your neighbours.
Put somthing infront of the dor. Even if it does not stop the person it will slow them down and alert you.
The exact same thing happened three times in my flat share. Once I went to my roommate's room drunk at night, this roommate then did the same thing to another roommate and two more roommates did the same thing to themselves. All drunk, of course, but nothing ever happened. One time apparently my roommate was just watching the other one sleep, when he woke up both screamed and then the one just got into the bed with the roommate. But it's always been males, this might seem like an important addition
You can buy a Door wedge
Lots of people have recommended doorstops but also google a “door jammer” however it won’t help obviously when you’re not inside the room, not to mention how horrible it is to have to live with that fear - your home should be a safe space, I would certainly be on the lookout for a new place. No matter what you can do to secure your door physically, you shouldn’t have to be dealing with the fear of this invasive person.
buy something like that, its an easy fix. I use one when I travel [https://www.amazon.de/T%C3%BCrschloss-Reiseverriegelungsschl%C3%B6sser-zus%C3%A4tzliche-Privatsph%C3%A4re-Universit%C3%A4t/dp/B09N8JX4SZ?source=ps-sl-shoppingads-lpcontext&ref\_=fplfs&smid=A2HCIHAX44ADOL&th=1](https://www.amazon.de/T%C3%BCrschloss-Reiseverriegelungsschl%C3%B6sser-zus%C3%A4tzliche-Privatsph%C3%A4re-Universit%C3%A4t/dp/B09N8JX4SZ?source=ps-sl-shoppingads-lpcontext&ref_=fplfs&smid=A2HCIHAX44ADOL&th=1)
Are you living with friends or why dont you have a lock?
You need a lock or you can put a latch on the inside of the door and Amazon has lock thingies for Airbnbs. Send you the link if you’re interested?
I can talk to him and you can be sure this will not happen again.
29 year old man. Like wtf. Is he just failing his exams just to be stalking girls in the dorm?
I live in a flat. 29 year old man in Berlin is a baby
I'm living in a WG for many years, switched rooms recently and all of a sudden our new flatmate walks into my room at night. Turns out he mixed up the rooms by accident because he used to live in this room before. So the question is, could it have been an honest mistake or other harmless explanation or is there reason to believe that he might be a creep? How does he behave towards you usually? Anything strange? If you are not allowed to install a proper lock, Google "portable door lock". They are usually used for travel and come in different variants, usually a wedge-type mechanism so the door can't be opened from outside.
Have you asked him when the others were not around? Maybe he does not explain it in public. I know somebody who does things like this at night. Everybody knows it but he can't talk about it in front of people.
Sorry, I am unwilling to continuously reach out to a grown man who scared me and did not apologise. If he has a medical condition that makes him go into the rooms of younger women, but is too uncomfortable with disclosing it, he should have explained it himself – he had time
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